Holiday Message to All!

Hello Boys and Girls and Happy, Merry Holidays! It has been so busy lately and we are getting ready to say good-bye to another year. They do go by faster and faster don’t they….or is it just me? Gommy just loves this time of the year. So many more peeps are willing to accept the magic of believing. You can feel it in the air. Right along with good cheer towards each other.

There are still the Henny Pennys who love to predict that the sky is falling. And there are still those grump-buckets who seem to relish in drama and other peoples’ misfortunes. And then there are the politicians who are supposed to represent us….but are more interested in making us divisive. UGH! But I say poo-poo on your head to them. The best weapon against those who don’t wish us well…..is to live happily ever after. It will sooooo bug the crap out of them! LOL

There is also the sentiment that the ‘End of the World’ is near (according to the misinterpreted, IMHO, Mayan Calendar boo yah yah and blah, blah, blah). Really? Again with the Y2K bologna? It didn’t happen then…..so why think it will happen in 2012? Why do some people just want to see this wonderful world come to an end? Geesh…..

I prefer to think that the only things that will come to an end in 2012…. is the end of doomsday thinking or the way we think that something wonderful can’t happen. How about instead, realizing that we really do have all we ever need in this world. Believe that being happy for someone else’s good fortune doesn’t take away from anything we have ourselves. Remember that when others do well…. we can all benefit from the atmosphere of good vibes and well wishes. Even if it is just feeling good about yourself for being able to feel happy for the other person. How about being satisfied with what we have….and not looking over your shoulder for what you think you don’t have? That is the secret to being truly happy. There are so many things in our lives that we take for granted every day that are really gifts of grace from God. And not appreciating them is like being disrespectful for the wonder that they are. Look around peeps….there are things everywhere to be thankful for. And one day….you will realize that all those little things you took for granted or the people you took for granted….WERE the important things.

Of course, there are some who are having hard times….but we all have the capacity to believe our way into better times. It has happened before when things seemed sooooo dismal in the World. It CAN happen if we wish it to happen. But if we just wallow in sad and bad thoughts about our lot in life….we have given up hope. And when there is no hope…it does seem bleak. But the good news is….There is ALWAYS hope. Someone said once, “If you think you can…..you are half-way there.”

So here is Gommys’ Christmas and Holiday Poem for you. May you all have a wonderful Holiday Season and remember to give thanks for what you do have. You can do it….Gommy is pulling for you! Hugs and Mush and Happy Holidays to alllllll!

Twas the Night Before Christmas (Gommy Style)

‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the land….

Every creature was ‘stirring’….in big pots and pans.

The women were prepping the fixins’ galore,

In hopes that the big day, could be enjoyed more.

It’s a bleak year for some,

While still others make tons.

But a New Year is coming and promised to be,

Much better for all, is my grand wish for thee.

So, break out in song and prepare for the best,

Don’t let the nay-sayers steal all of your zest.

Look to the future and the past you must leave,

No promises made, if you refuse to Believe!

Now, Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen,

And Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen.

Thanks for bringing good cheer with your annual flight,

Happy Holidays to all and to all a good night!’

~ Gommy 2011~

Missing You!

This is my love note to you Terry and Tiffany. Today is 19 years since we were together in this life. That is 2 years longer than you were here on this earth with us Tiffany and 3 years less than how old you were Terry when you left us. It’s hard to comprehend that it has been that long….but in a way, it seems like only yesterday.

Many things have happened and changed in these many years since you were taken. But the thing that has not changed is how much we still miss you. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t have a thought about each of you. So many birthdays have gone by. Many Christmases, Easters, dinners, movies, new songs, new technologies…..so many occasions we weren’t able to share.

The thing that brings me comfort though, are the memories of the great times we did share. I am forever grateful for the grace that allowed you into my life. I see other families and think how fortunate they are with their family intact. And I hope they are making those cherished memories with their children that I now have to keep me company.

It’s bizarre to know how quickly life can change. How the people we think will be with us forever….may not even be with us tomorrow. How sad to think of people not enjoying those times when they are able. Sad that they may not be taking advantage of the time to be with the ones who really matter in life. When good-bye is forever….you realize how very long that is. One thing I have come to learn though is that love is stronger and lasts longer than death.

So, I just wanted to say that even though I think of you every day.....today is the day in time that changed everything I will ever know about feeling whole again. I love you both and will for all of my forever. Hugs & Mush, Mom

Love Is In the Air...So just Breathe In!

Love is in the Air,….Soooooo Just Breathe It In…..

Hello Peeps! Yep….another Gommy’s Goodies…and so soon after the last one. There seems to be a slowdown in my Facebook community lately…..so Goms had time to focus on a topic I was reading about in a magazine article this morning. It was on a yogic technique called Alternate-Nostril Breathing. While reading the piece, it hit me that we do many of the same things over and over again, without even realizing we may be doing them wrong. This particular article was about the ‘simple’ task of breathing. Yeah, I know, whoda thunk it! What’s the big deal about breathing right? Well, it turns out it is a VERY big deal. By doing it ‘right’ it may add to the quality of how we are living….oh, and about the actual ‘living’ part…there’s that too.

The article went on to say that we breathe over 20,000 times a day. You’d think that doing something 20,000 times a day would help you to get preeeeeety good at something wouldn’t you? But NOPE. To breathe correctly, (not just to stay alive), you must concentrate and think about how you breathe. Amazing, right?

Breathing can do many things besides the all-important one of keeping us on the right side of the sod. It can reduce stress, help us heal and even help us to lose weight. I’m not sure ‘how’ it helps us in losing weight….but that is what the article said….so there must be some science to it. And I know for a fact that the reducing stress one works. Been there….done that a bunch!

When we are all inside our heads and worried and stressed about any number of things…we tend to breathe shallowly. I guess that is because we are so busy concentrating on what is bothering us….we don’t take the time to ‘think’ about how we are breathing. I know…I know….breathing is an automatic reflex. But ‘determined/concentrative breathing’ takes some thinking. The article said if you are having a stressful day….try the breathing exercise. I did and I could see an immediate feeling of calmness. Breathing this way is how it may help to heal us, for example, by lowering our blood pressure and/or pulse rate. And it also helps tremendously in the de-stressing department.

Have you ever felt all tied up in knots and just taken in a long breath and immediately felt a little better? Bingo…. See, you have already done a deep breath cleansing and didn’t even know it. It’s probably the body ‘knowing’ how to relieve stress and jumping in to let the ‘steam’ off for us. Sort of an automatic built-in safety pressure gauge. Guess that’s where the term ‘venting’ originated.

The exercise goes like this: Close your mouth and put your thumb next to the right side of your nose and press it in, then breathe in (deeply and thoughtfully about the inhaling of your breath) through the left nostril. Then exhale through the left nostril….slowly. When you have fully exhaled, put your pinkie finger on the left nostril, while lifting your thumb off of the right nostril….. and breathe deeply in through the right nostril, then repeat. Do this for a series of five times. You will be amazed at how peaceful you feel. It also helps when we are tired…because an extra- big dose of oxygen helps revive our brain to stay awake (literally).

So, that's Gommys' tip for the day. Try it if you want an easy, free way to feel better instantly....and who amongst us in this 21st Century demand for instant gratification wouldn't? Chillax Peeps! You can do it! Goms is pulling for ya'. Hugs & Mush- Gommy

Sheep No More!

Hello Boys and Girls. It’s been quite a while since Gommy has offered any goodies to you all. But lately, there has been so much to love and enjoy in my own neck of the woods….that I have been having a high old time (emphasis on the old…lol) and I just plain forget about putting my thoughts on… I was going to say paper…but that isn’t as completely fitting in this 21^st Century.

As long as we’re (actually just me) on the subject of what ‘isn’t correct or seems to apply any longer’…..let me get out my soap box. Pssstttt….this is where I give you the chance to run. OK then…for those still with me......

It seems as if it is no longer correct to have a differing opinion about much of anything anymore. With all this political correctness, putting your foot in your mouth can lead to disaster. Or if the opinion doesn’t fit in with what the other person is thinking or believing….you are just supposed to keep your big, fat mouth shut. Disagreeing can even lead to being shunned. Hey! I thought shunning was something that was done back in the old Bible days. Oh well, I digress. Sadly, it no longer applies that you should automatically do the right thing when it comes to being charitable, or caring what happens to those less fortunate, or expect our political representation to look out for their constituents instead of themselves. So many seem to be a bunch of greedy-guts and Scrooge-like in their wanting it allllll! And I thought this country was founded on the principle that we were supposed to separate church and state. The Founding Fathers made sure to put it in the Bill of Rights that we would have religious freedom. AND, they made it the number one Right:

I. Freedom of Speech, Press, Religion and Petition

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

It appears that people will talk about standing up for the rights of others…..but that is only if it doesn’t go against what THEY believe in. Sorry, peeps, that is NOT what freedom means. Look it up. Take as long as you need.

Why is it that when someone has a different way of looking at something, that other people find it hard to even associate with them any longer? Is it the old saying about ‘birds of a feather…flock together?’ Or maybe it is that they feel threatened. But that doesn’t make any sense….it is just a difference of opinion, right? Can’t we agree to disagree? On occasion, I have found myself in a group of people… and if I offer a differing opinion….it seems as if I am experiencing the feeling that I am in that old commercial for E.F. Hutton, where the whole room becomes hushed. Wuz up wit dat?

And what about all this hate that is everywhere? This country could turn into another Civil War if this partisanship continues and the haves and the have nots keep at it. As I see it, we are all in this together. It’s no longer about Republicans or Democrats…it’s about survival for all of us....for crying out loud. If our wonderful country goes down the tubes….it will be all of us going down. Not just the have nots. That is what I can’t wrap my brain around. When everyone is finally in the crapper….and out of money, lose their homes, their savings, their investments….. who do the ‘haves’ think will be able to buy their crap any more? Seems like a no brainer to this old Gommy. And the last time I looked….we were circling the drain!

The old phrase, “it’s the economy stupid.’ makes me think that we need to add another phrase. The economy phrase has been repeated often in American political culture to wake people up. Even though it IS about the economy in these troubled times, I think a new phrase should be brought to the fore. How about, ‘it’s about principles stupid.’? Principles that don’t allow the country to be bought off by huge corporations who keep all the money and don’t like to play nice with others. Principles that say it smells fishy that lobbyists make kabillions of dollars to sway the votes of the politicians who are supposed to be watching out for us…NOT the companies and corporations they are buying votes for. Principles that don't allow the fat cats to get away with lying about what they said they would do if we bailed them out. They said they would reinvest in our country if we got THEM out of trouble, and now they say….whoa….this isn’t a very good financial climate to hop back in to. No joke Sherlock! You are the ones that got us here...we bailed you out…and now you are just resting on your big fat rolls of cash. DUH...you got us!!!! P.T. Barnum said...'there's a sucker born every minute', and he sure was right. And not one of those financial ‘wizards’ that broke our economy, served even one day in jail for their crimes. WTF????

But Hooey…who is Gommy trying to kid? Everyone ‘says’ they want to get along and they are sick and tired of all the junk on TV that gets everyone all riled up and at odds with each other. But are they REALLY? You see, the powers that be would not keep the junk on TV if there were not an audience for it. So, it does go back to being all about the economy (the economy of each persons’ purse). And until ‘they’ (the negative-ers) see that we are actually through with buying into all the negativity crap….they will continue to bring it to us. They are good that way. Get in THEIR pockets….and they perk right up! When the news goes back to being unbiased (on either side), and the TV shows don’t insult every ounce of every part of our senses any longer, and we stop buying the products the corporations are paying for their advertisements to keep this junk on TV….THAT is when you will notice that it is really stopping.

So, if you want to stop spinning in the negative hamster wheel...here's what you can do; you must stop watching the hate mongers on TV that just want to get everyone mad at each other (so their ratings go up), you can stop watching, listening, or reading any News that is only trying to get us to be so divisive, you can realize that we are just pawns in their money game and refuse to play with them any longer. Oh, and you might also want to insist that teachers make a decent income instead of the Charlie Sheen types who make 8-9- or 10 millions dollars a year from acting on their shows or the athletes who make so much that the regular folk can't afford a ticket anymore. Doesn't anyone else think there is something wrong with that? You can change it....just stop buying all their stuff. The prices will come down real fast. I promise. Come on peeps. You can do it. Gommy is pulling for ya' . Hugs & Mush, Gommy

Stuck?

Have you ever wondered how some people ‘seemingly’ go through life without a care in the world, while others seem stuck in some time warp of pain? I have sometimes wondered if 'they' are careless or they just care (less). Some of us don’t even realize we are stuck. But the reality is that many of us do have issues, or in today’s vernacular, it is referred to as ‘emotional baggage’. Emotional baggage can be caused by trying to fast forward over a painful time, but we actually end up carrying it around with us for a lifetime.

Our emotional baggage comes from our life journey. It may be from a traumatic experience, the loss of a loved one, or any situation that was not healed at that particular juncture of our ‘life experience’. A wound does not heal if we leave any dirt or residue in the cut…and it will eventually fester. So too, will our emotional wounds refuse to heal if we don’t ‘clean them out’ as well. Much like the famed author and poet Henry Thoreau pointed to in his quote, "There are a thousand hacking at the branches of evil to one who is striking at the root."…it can be pointed to our emotional baggage as well, that if we do not get to the ‘root’ of the pain….it will eventually ‘fester’ or manifest in any number of ways that affect our ‘now’.

Emotional baggage can also be likened to a diseased heart. New branches will actually grow from the heart to make up for clogged arteries, so they can bring blood to where it is needed in the body. But the reality is that there is still a problem with the heart for these branches to have manifested. In this way, our past takes us along different paths trying to keep us going forward, and all the while we are forgetting the reason for the detours.

Some wounds will heal in time on their own, but others will just keep us ‘stuck’ in that moment. If you want to get ‘unstuck’, you must revisit that memory and make peace with it or it will continue to interfere with your present time of life. And you are the only one who can heal the broken part where you are emotionally stuck. You must make peace with it, and to do that you have to accept ‘what is’. You don’t have to like it, condone it or want it to have happened….but you have to accept that it did happen and realize nothing is going to change the fact that it did happen.

The tricky part is that you must be brutally honest with yourself and be willing to take off your emotional armor and/or the protective shell that you have been carrying around all these years. If you find that it is too painful to revisit…you will learn that the ‘pain’ is very persistent in wanting to be cleansed and it is also quite patient in waiting for you to ‘deal’ with it. It is much like housework that you don’t feel like doing, or the pile of work on your desk. They will still be there when you get around to cleaning up. It doesn’t just magically disappear. And you will also find that it is constantly nagging you in the back of your mind until you do tend to it. But the trade-off for waiting for you to ‘deal’….is that you will feel stress, unhappiness, discontent, and DIS-ease.

Just as when we clear a path in an overgrown forest to take a walk, or tidy up our closet or clean up that junk drawer, we feel so good when look at a job well done and everything feels cleaner and brighter and easier to navigate. Making a clear path in our life journey, will help us to realize that underneath all the ‘clutter’ is a new us…..dusted off and navigating more easily to our new tidy and awakened ‘now’. Becoming ‘awakened’ isn’t some New Age Mumbo Jumbo. It just refers to having an aha moment or many strung together, so that you see things in a different way, or that your forgive yourself or someone else for ‘whatever’, or you realize that you are still you - no matter what your past was, or whatever it is that got you ‘stuck’, has no power over you any longer. Or it can be that what you 'thought' was true for so many years....has turned on the light bulb (hence the term En-LIGHT-ened) in your consciousness, so that you are free to feel what you are feeling now.

So Short Story LONG…if you want to get unstuck from a painful time or memory from your past…do the work and you will find that you are claiming a calmer, more peaceful, happy future for yourself. And the way to do the ‘work’ is really quite simple. All you have to do is love, forgive and embrace yourself or whatever was in your excess emotional baggage scenario. Easy as pie! You can do it….Goms is pulling for ya’ Hugs & Mush- Gommy

Hello 'Me'.....

I read a quote this morning, which started me thinking…really thinking about the subject in the quote. The quote was by author Richard Bach and it was; “How much to learn if we could spend one hour… or even twenty minutes, with the us we will become! How much could we say to the us we were."

Wow, that is very profound. Just think back to when you were a young child and you were full of hopes and wishes. Then fast forward to a time that you may have made a horrible mistake or a decision that changed your life forever. Or the moment you just ‘knew’ what you wanted to do as your career path. Or when you were a teen and broke up with your first love and you thought it was the end of the world and you just couldn’t go on. Or a time you were bullied and you now realize that those mean people were really the ones who were suffering from a low self-esteem and you were the one who they may have secretly wished they could be. Or if you were the one doing the bullying….that you are so grateful that the other person didn’t take their life, as we hear so often now.

Or maybe remember a very sad time in your life where maybe you lost loved ones and you didn't know if life could ever have any color again. But you have learned that you still have people in your life who mean the world to you and you can have still have happy times with them. And life has given you grandchildren and although you still achingly miss your loved ones, you have indeed been able to be happy again. And that doesn't mean you forgot your loved ones.

How many of those things that you ‘thought’ you wanted when you were so young, would you still want today? Can you even remember that person who you thought ‘broke your heart’ and made you think that you wanted your life to be over because of the breakup? Or would you still do things the same way with your ex? Did you find that life does go on…even after the most agonizing events that may have happened to you? Would you still choose the career path that you were so sure of before you knew how it actually unfolded in your life? Maybe you feel it is too late to change that path and the realization has set in that although you aren’t completely satisfied with your choice, this is what you will be doing for the rest of your working days! What would you say to that young person…’you’….to try and influence the choices you were making, for the most important things that would shape you into you?

What would you say to yourself today, now that you know what actually did happen as your years flew by? Many would be satisfied with the roads they took….many would change some of the decisions they made and sadly, there are those who feel they would change every decision they ever made…and even worse, that they have wasted their lives.

And who would you like to spend more time with….now that they are no longer alive? Who would you like to say you are sorry to? Who would you have cherished more in your life? Who would you have not let go out of your life?

But, the thing to remember is that every decision, every twist and turn in life, is a step we made to grow….to finally become who we are. Another poignant quote by Mr. Bach tells us that this is true; "There are no mistakes. The events we bring upon ourselves, no matter how unpleasant, are necessary in order to learn what we need to learn; whatever steps we take, they're necessary to reach the places we've chosen to go."

The only mistake you can make is to not learn from the lessons we are given. But even that isn’t a real mistake. Because, there will be more lessons and more lessons if that is what you need to finally become ‘you’. It can be a painful process….or you may be a quick learner and sail through the lessons. It is up to the individual. It really is all about choices…..and realizing that you are making those choices at every turn.

So Gommy would suggest….IMHO….and for future reference….to really think about what you want for the rest of your life. It’s never too late to live happily ever after. You can do it…Gommy is pulling for ya’. Hugs & Mush, Gommy

Changes

Hello boys and girls. Grandpa Mike was out of town this week so Gommy spent a wonderful weekend with my daughter and family. It seems that these 'gifts' of time are always a cause for reflection for Goms.

When the family was all tucked in and sleeping, I enjoyed some quality 'me time' by reading a fantastic book that my daughter had left out for me. It was a book by Anne Morrow Lindberg (1906-2001) titled, Gift from the Sea.

Anne Morrow Lindberg was the wife of the famous American Aviator Charles Lindberg, who was famous for being the first person to fly solo across the Atlantic Ocean in 1927. But being Charles Lindbergs' wife isn't all she was known for. She was an aviator, in her own right, famous for being the first woman to earn a first class glider pilot license in 1930. She was also the author of several books. Anne had a special 'perspective' on the many changes we face in our lives. Turns out Anne was way ahead of her time in accomplishments and in seeing what life is really all about.

It is reported that the publication of 'Gift from the Sea' in 1955 earned her place as "one of the leading advocates of the nascent environmental movement" and became a national best seller. Nascent is a sophisticated word used to describe something new, developing, evolving, beginning, or budding....and after reading about Annes' life, it is easier to understand how she gained her perspective on life in general.

The Lindbergs also suffered a horrendous loss in their early lives together. Their baby boy was kidnapped and killed and they suffered what is still thought to be one of the most publicized crimes ever and prompted Congress to pass the Kidnapping Act, where kidnapping a victim and taking them across state lines is a Federal offense. They went on to have 5 more children.....but I am sure they always felt the missing spoke in their family wheel.

The Lindbergs were married for 45 years and Anne outlived her husband by 27 years. Their marriage had many ups and downs as well. Annes' biography states, 'Anne had a 3 year affair with her personal doctor and Charles reportedly had an affair with a woman 24 years his junior, whom he supported financially. The affair was kept secret, and only in 2003, after Anne and the mistress were both dead, did DNA testing prove that Charles had fathered the mistress's three children. One child came to suspect that Lindbergh was their father and made her suspicions public, after finding among her dead mother's effects snapshots of and letters from Charles. He is also suspected of having fathered children by a sister of his Bavarian mistress and by his personal secretary. All this may have contributed to the stoic character of Annes' later life.'

The reason for this 'preamble' on Gommys' blog today about 'Gift From the Sea' is to give a little background as to why I found this to be a truly a remarkable book. It still stands up today...some 56 years after it was written, showing that we are all pretty much the same in how we face our own realizations as our life unfolds....no matter our years, our status, our background, the place or the times in which we live. Anne lived in a different time and era, when popular belief held that the 'little woman' stayed home and raised her family and was subordinate to her husband. It is amazing that Anne broke out of the mold of her era. Her accomplishments included; being the recipient of honorary Masters and Doctor of Letters degrees from Smith College, her alma mater (1935; 1970). Anne also received honorary degrees from Amherst College (1939), the University of Rochester (1939), Middlebury College (1976), and Gustavus Adolphus College (1985). She was inducted into the National Aviation Hall of Fame, the National Women's Hall of Fame, and the Aviation Hall of Fame of New Jersey. War Within and Without, the last installment of her published diaries, received the Christopher Award.

As I was reading the words in the book, I remembered how each of my own decades were influenced by my experiences or lack thereof. With each decade we live, we form and are formed by what we are facing at that time. Gift from the Sea uses beach shells as metaphors of our life. Each shell and the shedding of that shell, representing what we need and then no longer need, at each phase of our life.

But each stepping stone is needed to reach the next phase and the tricky part is knowing when to let go of the 'shell'. It is important to be able to toggle between the two at times...but it is wise to know when to finally let go all together to be able to get to the next phase.

In our 20's and 30's, we are very caught up in accumulating. It may be material, financial, emotional, etc. But it is actually 'identification' with what we think makes us who we are. Eckhart Tolle explains life as expansion and contraction. These are movements that can also be called 'incoming and outgoing'. Much like the inhaling and exhaling of breathing....or the expansion and contraction of your heart. These movements are also reflected in our life cycles. ET says that one day we just seemingly appear into this world 'out of nowhere'. This Birth is followed by expansion of knowledge, activities, possessions, experiences, etc. Our life may be hectic or mundane but this is the time when we are mostly concerned with our 'outer' purpose. Then, as Eckhart points out, just when you think you have figured it all out.....the 'return movement' begins. Loved ones may die, your physical form weakens, your influence diminishes, beauty fades. You are basically put on the back burner of life....to make room for the newer 'incoming'. Life is beginning to contract. And one day, you too, will disappear as well. How we live our lives is how the universe experiences itself.

In our 40's, 50's, 60's and if we are lucky.....beyond.....we seem to acquire the ability to 'see' things more clearly. How ironic.....just when our opinion isn't valued as much as before. As Anne says in her book.... 'we no longer have to be the Belle of the Ball'. We are more comfortable in our own skin and we don't feel the need for constant outside approval. It is a much more relaxed way of living. Feeling you have to measure up or be approved by others is exhausting. It is at these times of our lives that we see our own children go through things we went through. It is wise to keep your opinions to yourself though....because it turns out that struggle as we may with the idea to 'show or guide' them through the rough spots....we must allow them to go through their own stages of life so they will understand it all fully and completely.

Annes' book describes something called Zerrissenheit. 'This is a term coined by William James, which he roughly translated as "torn-to-pieces-hood," a state of being broken or in disarray. To be human is to feel fractured and pulled in a dozen different directions at times. It is precisely during these times in our yearning for self-repair that we find ourselves most open to rebirth, growth, and eventually a heightened sense of spirituality we otherwise could not have reached. This begins with confronting and assimilating our shadow selves into our being. Then as we move through our emotions, we can put these pieces back together into a more full life experience, imperfections and all.'

While we are living a hectic life, or when our house is full of life with children and schedules and no time to our self, we yearn for some 'alone time'. Then during the 'outer movement' of our life.....we find that our wish has been granted and we have plenty of 'alone time'. The kids are grown and on their own and even later, your spouse may be gone. These times are harder for some than others to navigate. If we haven't planned for an 'after-life' (no...not the spooky kind)...but the kind that will fill your Golden Years with good experiences and without sadness....then you will surely find that you just can't 'let go'. It isn't called 'right of passage' for nothing.

All in all....the book demonstrates that as much as we struggle against change....change is inevitable and we MUST go through the stages of our life to understand the phases we have completed. Life is a beautiful gift for sure. Learning to navigate might just be the answer! You can do it ....Gommy is pulling for ya. (And reading the book might help you through the rough patches). Hugs & Mush - Gommy

Time

Lately, the subject of ‘time’ has been coming up a lot. Even the question IF time really exists. But that is waaaay too deep of a subject for Gommy to examine. But what Goms does know….is that whether time exists or not….those ‘spaces’ we consider to be ‘time’, is where all the good stuff happens… and it surely does seem to go by quickly.

The secret in making those spaces have the most meaning is NOT to squander them or waste them or take them for granted. Gommy often hears people say, ‘Where did the time go?’ - or a Mother exclaim that their little ones are growing up too fast. But the Mommies who are ahead of the game…are the ones who savor those precious spaces of time in their lives and enjoy them while they last.

I know for a fact, that my daughter is mindful of how fleeting that time is. She even gets sad and melancholy sometimes at the thought that her little sweeties won’t stay little for ever. Another of my Facebook Friends writes a blog about Mommy-Dom and I can gather from her wonderful writings…that she ‘gets’ it as well.

Gommy wishes there was a way to let some people in on the secret, but that isn’t how it works. Each person has to have their own light bulb moments. It’s like the old saying…’You can lead a horse to water…but you can’t make them drink.’ It is the same with telling people to ‘slow down and smell the roses’. The ones who don’t get it, are the ones who feel they don’t have the ‘time’. Uh……that is exactly the point…you have to TAKE the time to make the best memories.

We all have our memories of special occasions and Goms bets that there were ‘times’ that we weren’t as grateful for them as we would have been if we had known how much we would miss them once they were gone. It’s like when our parents are gone and we can’t just give them a call or drop by for a visit any longer. Or the brother or sister who grew up in the same home with you….now lives across the country and you don’t have much in common with them any longer. You just lost touch because you didn’t take the time to stay connected.

I guess what it boils down to is….if you want to have wonderful memories in your Golden Years…you better start taking the ‘time’ right now to enjoy those precious moments! You can do it….Gommy is pulling for you! Hugs & Mush - Gommy

Happy Birthday Son!

I couldn’t let this day go by without telling you Happy Birthday Terry. Today, you would have been 41 years old. How the time does fly! I can still picture your gorgeous face and I still smile when I think of all the laughs we had together. I miss you every day that goes by….but I am so grateful that we had the time we did together.

As the song goes, “This world was not ready for someone as beautiful as you.” When you were a baby, I cuddled you, bathed you, dressed you and fed you, but the thought of you becoming a grown man who would go on to becoming a Father himself, and later attaining the rank of Army Airborne Ranger never entered my mind back then. But I do remember my heart swelling with pride the day you were awarded your Ranger Tab, as though it was just yesterday. What a remarkable accomplishment! Becoming one of the Brotherhood of Premier Special Forces of our Military. You Rock Sweetie!

As you were growing up, Grandma Katie told me something that I often wondered about. She said there is a saying that goes, “A daughters your daughter all of your live, but your son is your son till he takes a wife.” I worried for nothing about that old saying….because you had so much love in your heart, that you loved your wife, your sisters (Tracey and Tiffany) and your baby boy so much… and you still had enough love to always include your Mom. You were by no means ever considered a Mamas Boy…but you did love me and I will cherish that love always. And I am so grateful that you always knew how much I loved you too.

You were a gentle hero to us girls after your Dad died. You protected us anytime you felt we needed you and I know that was a huge responsibility for someone so young. I remember one day that Tracey and I were up on the roof doing some painting on our home in Hollywood, when you happened to drive by and saw us up there and must have freaked, because you stopped and came right up on the roof to help us finish the chore! That’s my Boy….always our Super Hero.

A few months ago, Terry and Megan came over to visit us. Megan drove her brand new car to show us. You would love it. She drove Gommy and Terry over to visit Aunt Tracey, Uncle John, Samantha and Brandon. I was thinking the whole time, how proud you would be of your grown children. We had so much fun that day and we laughed together, just the way you and I used to do.

So I just wanted to say Happy Birthday Sweetie. I miss you bunches….but you are with me every day….along with Tiffany. I ‘feel’ and sense you both all the time. Tracey and I will always love and remember you forever and ever…. till we meet again. And in the words of Rossiter Worthington Raymond: “Life is eternal, love is immortal, and death is only a horizon; and a horizon is nothing, save the limit of our sight.” So, today at 5:12PM, I’ll be thinking of the moment you were born and I’ll blow you an extra kiss. Hugs & Mush- Mom

Bitter or Better?

Hello boys and girls. It's another glorious Saturday and another day to be grateful for our blessings. Gommy was 'Friended' by someone yesterday on Facebook who knew my daughter Tiffany. Tiffany died 18 years ago, along with my son Terry in a car accident. Gommy always gets excited to meet anyone who knew my special Angels. It is terribly hard to speak of them to people who weren't fortunate to have met them. This is because nothing I can say about them, would ever capture the essence of of their beautiful spirits.

But back to the new Friend. This woman had also lost a daughter and I could tell she is still struggling. Losing a child is the worse thing any parent will ever have to face. My husband had the occasion of meeting a couple who just lost their daughter to cancer recently and she was just a little over a year old. It doesn't matter how old your child is when they are taken from you. A mother is a mother all of her life. Even when her children are grown with children of their own.....a mom still sees her child as the person who she would give up her own life for.

My new Friend said that I must be a strong woman to have gone through what I did when my children were taken. But, I explained to her that we have a choice when something horrendous happens in our life. We can become bitter or we can look for a way to BE better. The couple who lost their precious little girl is having a golf tournament to honor her life and my husband will run it for them. The monies raised will go to finding a cure for cancer. This brings another thought to mind. Goms firmly believes that there are no coincidences.I feel these people were meant to cross paths with my hubby.....because he understands what they are going through. When Terry and Tiffany died, he put on a golf tournament to honor their memory and to award scholarships in their name at the high school they attended. These things we do in memory of our angels....help us to feel closer to them. It also is a way to do something good instead of becoming bitter and blaming the world for such a terrible situation.

Many people who have losses never seem to get over them. Sadly, they do become bitter and the rest of their lives are defined by the death. It is much more fulfilling, IMHO, to focus on the wonderful time that was shared with those loved ones. And if you only focus on the day they died.....you erase or minimize all the wonderful days that you shared with them.

Now, Gommy knows it isn't as easy as making up your mind to BE better and it will just happen. It is a process. No one is expected to be happy about what happened....but it did happen and there is no changing the facts. There is definitely a grieving process that one must go through. But the operative words here are 'go through'. It doesn't do any good to stay stuck in the grief. Your loved ones would not want you to be sad for the rest of your life. Just as you wouldn't want your loved ones to be sad forever after you die. Gommy hopes that after I am gone....that when my daughter Tracey or my husband or my Grands think of me....they will smile and have warm and fuzzy memories of me.

Bitterness is a toxic emotion. It skews your outlook on everything in life. Bitterness can eat away at you until there is nothing left but the dried up remains of the person you used to be before your loss. There is a story that explains bitterness pretty well. It goes like this:

'Once upon a time there were two brothers. The younger brother hated the older brother. He became the Bitter Brother. What did the older brother do to make the younger brother bitter? Who knows? I'll tell you who knows....the Bitter Brother knows. He knows and remembers with a vengeance and he wants revenge.

Bitter Brother just can't let it go. So he sets out to settle the score....His revenge gives him no rest and his resentment grows and grows. His pain creates more poison to feed the bitterness. He feels there is no solution for his resentment.

But the Lord had mercy for the Bitter Brother and He sent an angel to the Bitter Brother. He said, "The Lord has chosen you to receive a great gift. You may ask for riches, a long healthy life, successful children.....anything you wish. But there is one stipulation, because God wants to teach you a lesson. Whatever you get, your brother will get twice as much. If you receive one million dollars, your brother will receive two million dollars. If you ask to be famous, your brother will be twice as famous " The Bitter Brother thought for a moment, "You will give me anything I ask?" The angel said yes and the Bitter Brother said, "Then make me blind in one eye."

Now that is pretty bitter. And the reality of revenge is that no matter what the outcome is....whatever made the Bitter Brother so vengeful.....hasn't gone away. Bitterness is a destructive emotion and hurts everyone. It is like the old adage that says that anger and resentment is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die.

So, Gommys advice would be to listen to your heart. If you feel mad and consumed with anger over something that has happened in your life....you can know that that isn't how you are supposed to be feeling. On the flip side of those emotions, if you feel you are remembering your loved ones and cherishing the times you shared...you will feel your heart swell with love. And THAT my peeps is why we are here on Earth. It's all about love. Love does heal all. And the 'heart' never lies. So try to relive the happy times you shared with your loved ones. You can do it. Gommy is pulling for you! Hugs & Mush-Gommy

Happy Mother's Day

Today is the day that little people all over scamper around, trying to 'surprise' Mom with breakfast in bed....or bring her the gift they made for her at school....and bring the cards, presents and love to her to show her that she is loved 'this big'.

Those memories are so precious to this Mom and I will always treasure those times that I was the recepient of those wonderful warm and fuzzy memories. But it can be bittersweet when I think of my two children who will not have those precious moments in their lives. But that thought is quickly replaced by picturing my little grands and my big grands who will tell their Moms how much they love her today. And this is part of passing the baton.

It also reminds me of the times that I did the same for my Mother. I can still feel the excitement of 'knowing' that I knew something my Mom didn't know. That I had made her this 'priceless' modeling clay ashtray or jewelry dish that I knew would take her breath away when she opened it and read the handmade card I had colored for her.

There are other things that one learns as they are passing that baton. Like the memory of rolling my eyes (albeit behind my Mothers back)...when I disagreed with something that she said or a belief that she held. Then remembering back to when my own children rolled their eyes at me at something I said or believed. Yes.....the beat goes on. And there will come a time when each parent is the one that receives that 'rolling eye' from the very child they gave birth to. That child who once thought you were all knowing and the most revered person in the world. But rest assured parents out there.....your time will come as well. It is generational....it is hereditary....and it is the circle of life!

So........all you Mommies out there enjoying your Mother's Day....relish every sweet moment! They go by so fast and if you don't concentrate on each millisecond...you will miss them. And you will miss them more than this Gommy can ever tell you in words. Enjoy Mommy.....you can do it! Gommy is pulling for ya' - Hugs & Mush, Gommy

The Stone, the Pebble or the Rock

Hello my Peeps! For today, let’s say you are a stone a rock or a pebble. Don’t try to figure it out… let’s just say you are. Kinda like the analogy in the Simon & Garfunkel song, “I am a Rock”. Now, there are many things that may happen to you during your time on Earth. A rock is just a big stone and a pebble is just a smaller stone. Some of you may be big rocks or small stones or smaller pebbles. There are all shapes and sizes of these pieces of formed mineral matter….but just like people, they come in all sizes, statures and positions in life. There are big shot people (Rocks), and there are middle class people (Stones) and there are many who are barely holding on to get by (Pebbles). But the core of each is still the same, no matter what the shape, size or social status that separates them all. The rock, stone or pebble is still a relatively hard, naturally formed mineral or petrified matter of mass. That is its’ essence….the real, ultimate, individual nature of a thing….as opposed to its existence.

Now, as you are imagining yourself as this mineral deposit…..think of how you may be a big rock that is used to adorn a driveway at someone’s home or as help for a climber to scale a mountain. Or you may be a stone that is used to pave a pathway or even be used for a horrific crime such as ‘killing by stoning’. If you are a pebble, you may end up in an aquarium with brightly colored fishes or on the shore of some exotic destination. As time passes, you may have been ground into the Earth for so long, and you are so covered up with the dirt of life, that you aren’t even visible any longer. Or you may have been polished into a thing of beauty and worn as a piece of priceless jewelry. It matters not how you are being utilized, or in what fashion your time here is being used. Whether it is for adornment or malice or being trampled, or simply enjoying your station in life. Because it turns out that any of the ways you may have been transformed or used, does not change the core of what you are and always were. That is your essence. Your true Spirit will flow through you if you just let it. I have always loved the piece that says, “I am but a hole in the flute that God's breath moves through. Listen to the music.”

When we get too far from our authentic self, we can feel uncomfortable. When we are trying to be something that we are not….we end up struggling and making ourselves miserable. It is far better to realize that we are what we are….and accept that fact, so we can live a satisfied and peaceful life. Just as Popeye says, “I am what I am….and that’s all that I am.”.

Believe me when I say that no one is really paying all that much attention to you anyway! They are so wrapped up in their own little world…that you really don’t make a whit of difference in their life. And while you are trying to be all that and a bag of chips for others….you are just taking away from a peaceful life and mind that you could be enjoying. Pray for the guidance to ‘go with the flow’ of life and to accept what is and who you are, with love and gratefulness. I keep a saying taped at the top of my computer monitor at work. It says, “I am whole and perfect as I was created!” And, by Golly….I am.

We should all try to be kind to ourselves and to others in our perceptions. ‘Judge not lest ye be judged’. Remember that one? And if we must judge….judge as the quote from Saint Vincent de Paul offers us to remember and say often to ourselves; “Make it a practice to judge persons and things in the most favorable light at all times….and in all circumstances.”

The older you get, the more you realize that it just doesn’t matter what other people think of you. Be yourself and you will find that you are much more ‘attractive’ AND ‘attract-ING’ to other people. And that’s not to mean physical attractiveness…because beauty is only skin deep and real beauty comes from within. Phonies can be spotted a mile away, so be who you are and CHILL OUT. And ‘I hate to be ugly’…..but get over yourself. The term, ‘I hate to be ugly’ is one that I learned while we lived in the Memphis, TN. The people in the Deep South are genteel and do not wish to appear coarse by saying anything unpleasant, so they preempt the nasty comment with a nicety. I always found it funny because with my sarcastic personality….I was often tempted to say “Then don’t be ugly!” But I never did….While in Rome. ((*-^))

So my Peeps, be who you are, say what you mean, don't be a fake or a phony and live and let live. It is really a much easier way to co-exist on this wonderful planet....for as long a time as we are so graciously given to do so. You can do it! Gommy is pulling for ya' Hugs & Mush - Gommy

Once Upon a Time....

Happy Sunday boys and girls. Spring is getting ready to spring in many places and it is surely going to be welcomed. We have had a marvelous year so far in my neck of the woods....but Winter has been pretty brutal to many of my favorite peeps. Sorry Peeps. But it won't be long now! That's what my Grandma Maudie used to say, and she would always follow it with...'That's what the monkey said when the rocker cut off his tail.' That Grandma Maudie sure had a wit about her!

Today, I would like to talk about how we all write our own saga, drama, comedy, or whatever it is we are writing our own lives to be. Gommy hears many people telling their same, sad story over and over and wonders if the person is so invested in that story and identifies with it.....that they just keep telling it. Sad stories may be good to watch at the movies....because they make you cry....that good kind of crying that is cleansing and releases stuff in us that we didn't know needed to come out. But, to have the sad story BE about us....not so much. So, the only thing Goms can come up with is that the sad story person (SSP) just identifies very strongly with the star of their story....THEM. They must be getting something out of it....or why would they continue to keep retelling it?

Then you have the sick person (SP). We're not talking about the cancer patient, or the child who is always in and out of the hospital with a serious disease, or the other terrible diseases that surely do keep a person feeling sick. We're talking about the person who has to tell you their every ailment. Whether it is their arthritis, their colon problems, every ache and pain they have.....or heaven forbid, even when they did or didn't have their last bowel movement. That last group really needs to get moving (no pun intended...or was it?). There are more things in the world to focus on people than when you last went to the bathroom. You may think we are wanting to know....but here's a flash bulletin for you....we don't want to share that info with you. It really is TMI. Try to get another topic to identify with....pleeeeease! You'll find that people will stop making skid marks (uhhh, still no pun intended ?) when they see you coming.

And we all know the 'poor me' folks (PMF). They are the ones who are always jealous of everyone else who couldn't possibly deserve what they have made of their lives. The 'poor me' folks are always blaming everyone else for their difficulties and lot in life. But you know what PMF (poor me folks)? The only constant in your story you are telling all the time... is YOU. Don't you see? There is an expiration date on blaming everyone....or anyone for that matter....for what you have or do not have. Take a minute to go look in the mirror and you will see that you and only you have the ability to change your life. If you don't like how things are going for you....maybe you need to change YOU and stop blaming others for your life. Sorry to be so Mrs. Obvious here....but 'them' are the facts my peeps.

Just the other day, a Facebook friend and I were 'talking' about some of Gommy's own life experiences. I don't know if everyone knows it or not, but Gommys' first husband was killed in a car accident when he was only 34. We had three children who were 8, 10 and 11 at the time. Gommy has to admit that there were times that the PMF thought came up. But, as time went on....the realization came to me that I was being pretty selfish in feeling that way. After all, I was still alive and would be able to see my children every day and watch them grow. So, it wasn't me who was the poor one...it was my husband, who was taken too early and wouldn't have the joyful experience of sharing our children as they grew up. Then 9 years later....two of my three children were also killed in another car accident. Again, it would be easy to become a PMF person and I would probably be given a pass if I stayed feeling sorry for myself. But, I thought that even though I would miss them terribly and achingly every day of the rest of my life, I had to realize that THEY were the ones who would be missing so many wonderful experiences. So, after much soul searching ( and might I add that it was MUCH, MUCH soul searching), Gommy has come to realize that I can 'cry because they died....or smile because they were in my life for a wonderful 17 and 22 years.' Gommy picked the latter thought. The reason I am sharing this with you, is to show that we do have choices in how we react to our life circumstances. Of course I would rather no one that I loved had to die. But can I do anything about that? No I can't. The only thing I CAN do is reframe how I react when I think of them. I choose to remember the wonderful times we shared and be grateful for those times. I can relive them any time I want....and I do....I do very often.
* Insert SMILE here*.

Then there are the saps of the world. These people just can't seem to say no (CSN). We have all probably been there a time or two ourselves. We are saps when we get hoodwinked by the people who would even take advantage of their own mothers....and probably have on occasion. Saps are always helping, always giving in, always making other people more important than themselves. And they never look up to realize they are on a one-way street. They don't see that the favors aren't being returned. They are just being used. So, wake up saps. Life is a two-way street. It is fine to do things for people and to give in sometimes to an argument and to be taken advantage of occasionally (because sometimes you just want to do it because you want to do it)....but if you don't like being a sap.....'NO' is a word you should try using once in a while. Go to a mirror right now...and ask the PMF to move over a second.....and practice saying 'NO'. At first it will seem foreign...but once you get the hang of it....you will be able to use the word 'NO' with ease. But don't go overboard. Sometimes you may actually want to help someone....and you've gotten into the habit of saying no so much that you forget to say yes when that is what you really meant. LOL!

And of course, we all know the 'Know It Alls' (KIA). They think they have the market on knowing what is best for everyone else in the world. They push their politics, religion, career choices, child rearing skills, and any other subject you can think of on you....presumably for your own good because you can't possibly know as much as they do. These people have gotten the wrong impression that they are the 'Gurus Of All Things Possible'. You can't tell them anything, because they already know it. Gommy's advice in dealing with these peeps is to just nod occasionally when their lips are moving.....but be thinking of something pleasant while you are enduring their presence....and you can excuse yourself from their space when you notice their lips stop moving. And sometimes....they are Sooooo self absorbed.....that they may not even notice you have left...even when their lips are still moving...because they just like to hear themselves talk anyway. You can tell if you can make your get-away if you notice that glazing over of their eyes...that is the hint they they are so into their own rhetoric that you will be long gone before they even notice. LOL.

Sometimes you have a cross-breeding (or pollination) of the KIA's and the EP people of the world. They are known as the KIA-EP's. These types are the Entitled People who KIA. You will find that they are really PIA's (YUP...your are way ahead of Gommy here... they are real pain in the asses). They think the world owes them a living and they 'know it all'...so they must be right about their assumptions. Steer clear of these peeps. Gommy is doing you a real favor by letting you in on this little hint. LOL! And ummmmm, you're welcome.

I'm sure we have all come across the 'my religion is better than your religion people' (MRIBTYR). Boy, that's a mouthful. And believe Gommy when I tell you that these peeps are rabid and dangerous, I mean it. So...fair warning here. Don't get tangled up with them when they are just coming out of church either....after they have been listening to the preacher tell them that their brand of God is the only one there is. They believe so strongly that their religion is the ONLY religion in the world, that you, if you don't belong to their club....are going straight to Hell! And the reason they know this is that their God....said you are. You know, their...'all loving, all forgiving, all knowing God'. Yeah, that one. The one who apparently told them that even though God is forgiving...He has a few exceptions to His rules (even though He doesn't make mistakes so there would be no reason for any exceptions to His rules.....DUH). Like, you must believe and accept His one and ONLY son to have life ever lasting. Hey, I resent that.....I thought we were all His children. Oh well, maybe I missed that part of His memo. But, I'm personally going to live on the assumption that God/Universe/The One/Being is the Omnipotent, Omniscient, really and truly loving and forgiving God/Universe/The One/Being, that would love me no matter what.... and that He doesn't have an ego so anything I could possibly say or do will not offend Him. Annnnnnd that He loves all of us (and I am pretty sure of this one). It's just a feeling I have in my heart and my gut. Kinda like we love our own children....no matter what. Yeah..like that. And for those good religious peeps who want to get mad at Gommy for my own opinions and observations....GOTCHA'..... you forgot what the Bible says about judging me! You can't go there.

Then.....finally....there are the peeps who just mind their own business, live and let live, enjoy life, appreciate what they have, savor the special people and times in their life.........NO REALLY.... those types of peeps really do exist. You just don't meet up with them often enough. They are the HP (Happy People).....and they are unfortunately, few and far between. When you do meet up with them....you will notice that they aren't talking about anyone else in a mean manner, they have a peaceful aura around them, other people enjoy being around them and they don't complain or gripe about everything and they don't try to run anyone else's business. That is why you hardly run across them....the other type of peeps take up so much room....that the pleasant peeps just go about their happy life unnoticed. And that is quite alright with the HP...and probably the way they prefer it.

So now that Goms has told you about a few personality types, try to see which group you may fall into. Gommy hopes it is the HP group. If it isn't....go back to that mirror and be brutally honest with yourself and ask what you are REALLY getting out of being a SP/SSP/PMF/CSN/KIA or the MRIBTYR personality types. If you are happy with your personality type....blow yourself a kiss in your reflection and get back to whatever you were doing. But if you would rather be a Happy Person....you'll have to unpack that old baggage you have been carrying around for ages and put a smile on your face....look around at the things you have to be grateful for...stop looking for other people to blame for your life...enjoy the simple things in life and quit butting your nose into everyone elses business. You can do it peeps...Gommy is pulling for ya'! Hugs & Mush, Gommy

How's that Working Out For Ya'

Gommy is finding out the longer I live.....the more I really don't know about this thing called 'Life'. And the more I realize that I don't know about it....the more I realize that no one else knows about it either. But it does become much more fun to be in on the secret and to observe everyone trying to make everyone else think that they do know everything!

Noticing how people react to different situations, difficulties or even happy times is much more interesting once you learn to look for the reasons for their reactions. Take politics. Please.....Just kidding. But every four or eight years, a new party comes into power and they strut their stuff and make a bunch of noise about how they are going to fix everything that needs fixin'. And the next time there is a voting year.....the other party usually gets voted back in. Sooooo, how's that working out for ya'?

Or how about when you are young and full of yourself....you observe people raising their kids and you make statements that when you have kids, they will never.....(fill in the blank here). Then.....you get married, or not, and have your own little tots and guess what? They DO absolutely whatever it was, much worse than the kids you ever complained about. Soooooo.....how's that working out for ya'?

Then there's the person who says they would never stay with a husband or significant other if they ever cheated on them. Or it would be beneath them to ever stay in a relationship that wasn't fulfilling. Then one day.....you meet the person of your dreams, you fall in love and everything is hunky-dory. As time goes by, you drift apart, or you have money issues, or agreeing on how to raise those perfect kids becomes a battlefield and one day...........you don't feel very lovey-dovey anymore and you find that your honey wants out of the relationship or worse, has had an affair. You find that you would rather stay in the relationship than to start all over....or you realize you can't make it on your own or you just feel you should try to work on it afterall. So, all that expounding about how you are going to have it all and do it better than anyone else? How's that working out for ya'?

There comes a time when we must face the fact that if there was an easier way to be happy, or to be the best parent or live happily ever after....everyone would be doing it. But it turns out, that it's not so easy because we are missing the forest for the trees. We try to change Mr. or Miss Perfect into something we thought they were and now find out maybe they weren't all that and the bag of chips we thought they were (and for the record, either are we). Or we try a new and improved way to raise our children, because we think our parents had it all wrong. Or we just know that there must be an easier way to have all our dreams realized.

The reality is that it takes very little to be happy. We just have to stop wanting something or someone that we don't have and we must stop wanting to be or look differently than we do . That's it peeps. That is how you can live happily ever after. Just be satisfied with 'WHAT IS'. Suffering always comes from wanting to change something that we just can't change. The only person we CAN change is......you know what Goms is going to say.....YUP, our self.

So, stop trying to make your kids behave so that the neighbors or your friends will admire your parenting. And stop trying to act as if you are so rich that everyone should be envious of you. Because truth be known....many times they are struggling too... trying to impress others. If we just live within our means....the stress of every day life is decreased and the joy is increased and multiplied by leaps and bounds. And about changing your honey-bug. Give it up. No one changes FOR anyone else. We can only change when there is something about our self that we actually WANT to change. That is just the plain facts peeps. The biggest mistake couples make is that the woman thinks she can change her man and the man thinks his lady is never going to change. And guess what? Men rarely change and women change almost momentarily. So, how's that working out for ya'?

Well, those are Gommy's thought for today. Hope all my boys and girls and Moms and Dads and bosses and employees and friends and lovers can just chill. Enjoy your life. There is soooo much to enjoy in this world. And the simple things are usually the most enjoyable.... and they are mostly free too. You can do it....Gommy is pulling for ya'. Talk to you soon. Hugs & Mush, Gommy

I'm Not Listening!

Hello Boys and Girls. It's been a while since we've talked....lol. Gommy was thinking of how people don't like to be told or shown a different path than the one they are on at any given time. Oh....they may complain about the path they are on....but the first time you think you are helping and you try to show them a different path......NO WAY JOSE'!!

The reason we are so resistant to change is that even the most uncomfortable situation is one that we have become 'familiar' with and so we know what to expect. Weird eh? I suppose it would have to be as painful as burning your hand on a hot stove to make you want to abruptly stop doing something differently than what you have been doing. It's the old fear of the unknown that kicks in.

We continue to stay at a job we dislike....to stay in a relationship that isn't fulfilling....stay friends with people who aren't really 'friends' or even friendly. YIKES. What can we do to release the yuck and try for something better?

The first thing we have to do is to realize that we are bringing this all to ourselves. I know you are thinking...No way Gommy. I wouldn't be bringing this yuck to myself if I had a choice. But, we are bringing it to us. If for no other reason than the realization that we aren't doing anything to change it or anyone or any situation in which we find our self. And to change anything or anyone....we first must change our self. And that is the kicker....the really hard part.

And another thing to remember about giving unsolicited advice (even if you have been asked, they really don't want the truth...lol) is that the moment you come up with a solution....the person will begin to resent you. Why? Because you are giving them a reason to change something that they really don't feel comfortable about changing. You'll probably hear, "Oh, that's easy for you to say!" or "It's not as easy as you say it is."

We all have our own comfort zone and until someone or something forces us out of it, usually while kicking and digging our heels in.....we will just stay in our own little, 'comfortable' at least.... and familiar at best....comfort zone of existence. It takes a whole bunch of faith in our self or a whole bunch of 'I've had enough', to finally move away or out of our comfort zones.

So, remember that it is always easier to see how to 'fix' someone else than to see what needs to be 'fixed' in ourselves. Remember that Scripture in the Bible about discernment....-Mat 7:3-5 "Why do you observe the splinter in you brother's eye and never notice the plank in your own? How dare you say to your brother, 'Let me take the splinter out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own? Hypocrite! Take the plank out of your own eye first, and then you will see clearly enough to take the splinter out of your brother's eye."

So, get off that Hamster Wheel if you want things to be different in your life. Otherwise....just keep on twirling in the cage of existence and 'Zip it". And don't take it personally when the other person doesn't take the advice they asked for. It's really, really hard work and many of us just don't like to walk the walk. Maybe you can just sing a little song while you are twirling the cage. Just a thought. OOPS...you didn't ask me for that advice, did you? Have a nice day anyway. I know, I know.....quit giving you advice. Anyway, Gommy is pulling for you! Hugs & Mush - Gommy((*-^))

Stationary or Stationery?

It has become apparent to Gommy in the last while, that manners, respect and just plain knowing how to act, have suspiciously disappeared from some parts of our culture. When did teaching our kids how to keep their elbows off the table when they eat, to not throw their food or sippy-cup on the floor when they are finished eating, to not scream when they are eating out at a restaurant or in church, to not interrupt when others are speaking, to say please and thank you and to actually write a REAL thank you for something received on REAL paper and then to mail it……through old-timey Snail Mail become obsolete?

Now, Gommy did teach my own little ones how to act, and to say thank you and be respectful of others. But, except for a few exceptions, it seems that this generation of parents hasn’t gotten the memo that it is not only pleasant to act respectful…..it is a necessity in these times of so many cultures co-existing in the same society. Now don't get all prissy out there mom and dads. You do want your children to be able to function as polite adults some day don't you? It will be much easier on them to be able to work together with others in their chosen careers or to be a good neighbor or in almost any social interaction you can think of, that they will be facing some day. You know.....'play nice with others' ????

Manners are fundamental skills that need to be taught, just as learning to write and spell or add and subtract. It starts in the home and taught by the parents. If a child isn’t taught or expected to be polite and to say please and thank you or to send a note of gratitude for a gift received or be respectful of others and their space…..where will they ever learn it? And don't worry.....you aren't hurting their self-esteem by showing them they must take turns, be courteous and to show respect. You are actually helping them by teaching them HOW to navigate in social settings.

In today’s fast paced life….the old written note is barely ever heard of any longer. Gommy wonders how many children of today even know the difference in ‘being’ stationary and ‘using’ stationery? Or for that matter, how many young adults know the difference. FYI….Stationary means to 'not move' or to 'stay fixed'. Stationery is writing paper, envelopes, pens, pencils or anything needed to converse on paper. Emails and texts have now taken over for the written word. But, for anyone who has received an actual card, or hand written note…..it sure is nice isn’t it? ((*-*))

Manners have changed over the centuries as the times and customs have changed. Like, does anyone even know why the handshake came into being? It was because at one time, people used to carry swords or daggers and if one extended their hand in the friendly gesture of a handshake….the other person could see there were no hidden weapons. Or, how about in the 1500’s….when the term ‘setting the table’ was used because there were no ‘regular’ dining tables and when mealtime came, boards were laid across trestles and covered with a cloth. I guess we have come pretty far from the Crusades when knights had to learn manners by sharing food on plates and drinking from shared glasses. The men were paired with a lady at dinner and learned not to lick their fingers or pick their teeth with their knives. They used to wipe their hands on the tablecloth! Then napkins were invented…thank goodness!


But Gommy just doesn’t want us to slip back to those horrid days of such bad manners. And if parents just teach their children the basic rules of politeness, and how to be a good sport, to respect themselves and those around them…. the world would be a much nicer place in which to live together. So….Moms and Dads….think back to what your own moms and dads taught you when you were little….and give your own children some lessons on how to be polite. They will thank you even if they don't realize it....by getting along more easily, in this thingy called a 'CIVIL-ization in which we are trying to coexist. You can do it….Gommy is pulling for ya’…..Hugs & Mush, Gommy

Happy Birthday Sweet Tiffany

Happy Birthday, my sweet, dear Tiffany. You would have been 36 today! Yeah I know!!! Can you believe it? Me neither. It seems just like yesterday that you came into our lives and brought so much joy to everyone who ever met you. I often think of what you would be ‘into’ these days. I can imagine that you would be sooooo loving all the electronic gadgets that are available today. You practically slept with your ‘land-line’ Princess telephone….back in the day. You had so many friends to stay in touch with….that I remember I used to tell you that you would end up with cauliflower ear from being on the phone so much. But now….there are phones that fit right in your pocket and you can text and talk to your friends 24/7. You can even send pictures to people now through your phone! I know…incredible…right? And there are these things called Computers now. You would love all this new technology!

I often wonder when you would have married and what career path you would have taken and how many children you would have had. You always love, love, loved kids…..so you probably would have had at least a couple! You wouldn’t believe how big Biscuit is now. He turned 20 last month. Unreal, eh? He is back in school and in the process of getting credits from college that he needs to get in the Army….just like his Dad. You would recognize him anywhere Tiff, because he looks so much like your brother Terry. He is a real sweetie too.

You never had the chance to meet Megan…but she is 18 now and just got her new car and is on the road….much like you, Sweet Tiff. She is funny like her Dad and talks about as much as you did. We get to see Terry , Meggie and Deana sometimes…..but not nearly as much as we would like. But they have a lot going on in their lives. We keep in touch through this thingy called Facebook. It is a Social Network invented to keep in touch with friends and reconnect with old friends. You would probably have about a bazillion friends on here. No, really….I think you are just allowed to have 5000. But you would have that in no time. Gommy does all right herself on the friends lists. You’d be proud of your old Mom.

Oh, BTW..the Gommy thing? The Grands call me Gommy. And they call Mike, ‘Grandpa Mike’. Mike misses you too Tiff. You and he always had a special relationship and he loved you bunches. Tracey and John have the most adorable little ones. Samantha and Brandon. And Mikey (yes, little Mikey) has a little girl named Kyra. You would be in Heaven with these cutie patooties. Also, I have been keeping up with the new lingo…just like you used to keep me up with your ‘word of the week’ that you would leave for me on the dryer to help me ‘stay up to date’.

Tracey and I have the most wonderful relationship Tiff. How Blessed am I? We always spend your birthday day together. The only thing missing….is YOU. There is nothing as rewarding as to finally become friends with your children, once they are grown. I miss being with you and Terry very much….but I feel you with me whenever I need a Tiff and Ter moment. Thanks for that. Every time I see birds, I think of you. I can remember when you were little, you asking me what kind of bird this or that one was. And I think of Terry whenever I see a motorcycle or anything to do with the Army. I know you are in a much better place….but the selfish part of me wishes you were still around for us to all be a family again. It has never quite been the same at the Holidays without you guys. Oh pooh…your old Mom is tearing up now.

When Nana died in December, memories of how often she said how much she loved you came back to me. She used to tell me all the time, how you would just brighten up her day and how you always told her how pretty she looked….or that you would compliment her about her outfit or her hair or the pin she was wearing…or whatever. I have tried to make that a part of my life now too. You taught me that if there was ever a time that you could make a person feel better by telling them something nice about themselves….to tell them. Don’t keep it to yourself. That always made me so proud of you Tiff. But there were scads of things that made me proud of my three excellent, smart, beautiful, kind, brave and astonishing kids.

A dear friend sent me an email last week and in it…was this beautiful reminder of just how precious time is. For those who haven’t had to face losing a child or loved one (as I have with you and Terry) …..it may not resonate……right now. I say ‘right now’ because, sadly…. not very many of us escape the unexplainable sorrow of the death of a loved one. But this will eventually resonate with everyone….at some time in their life. As I read this piece….I think about each instance, because it has already touched someone in every one of these images:

To realize the value of a sister/brother…ask someone who doesn’t have one.
To realize the value of ten years; as a newly divorced couple.
To realize the value of four years; ask a graduate.
To realize the value of one year; ask a student who has failed a final exam.
To realize the value of nine months; ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.
To realize the value of one month; ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.
To realize the value of one minute; ask a person who has missed the train, bus or plane.
To realize the value of one-second; ask a person who has survived an accident.
Time waits for no one. So, treasure every moment you have. You will treasure it even more when you can share it with someone special.
To realize the value of a friend or family member: LOSE ONE.
Remember….hold on tight to the ones you love!
I sure wish I could hold and hug you…at least one more moment.

So, I’ll be thinking of you a lot today….even more than usual. Wish we could go to the Mall and shop for something for your birthday together. Remember the store Wet Seal? Every time I go by one….I think of you and wonder if you would still love their clothes the way you used to. I just know you would still like to go shopping. I still wear some of your things. I know….they are out of style…but who cares? They were yours and you wore them…..so they are perfect…to me!

Mommy loves you Sweetie. I miss you more than I could ever put into these words. There are times that I feel like the beautiful words of the poet Pablo Neruda, “….my feet will want to walk to where you are sleeping but I shall go on living.” I know I’ll see you again sometime….and whenever that is…we will REALLY catch up on EVERYTHING! But in the meantime….I know you are with me because I feel you there. As in the telling words of Carrie Latet – “Ever felt an angel's breath in the gentle breeze? A teardrop in the falling rain? Hear a whisper amongst the rustle of leaves? Or been kissed by a lone snowflake? Nature is an angel's favorite hiding place.” And I know that it's you. Give Terry a kiss for me too.
Hugs & Mush – Mommy (I know, I know…..I borrowed that Hugs & Mush line from you too…and I use it all the time ;-D)

Do You Want to Have a Hug O' War And Play Nice?

Being this is Sunday… Gommy is feeling kinda’ preachy….Just kidding! But as I was listening to a podcast of Jeff Fosters this morning , the urge to expound on his explanation of this thing called Oneness took over Goms. So, for those who may have wondered about or studied the ‘philosophy’ or meaning of Oneness….and have never read or listened to Jeff Foster explaining it….Goms will try to shed a little ‘light’ on my own interpretation of Jeff’s interpretation. Sort of in Gommy-istics. ;) Which is funny in a paradoxical sort of way, because Oneness IS just that…ONE-ness….so there is no Jeff or Gommy or you. Just like the word individual – the word itself (in- divide- dual). One of the two… or a distinct indivisible entity.

Jeff's explaining 'IT' in his latest podcast, made ‘Gommy’ want to try to 'splain it as Goms sees it. It may seem too airy-fairy for some of my peeps out there…but for those who have been on this certain path, as Goms has….maybe it will point even further to what is being unfolded and unfolding and unfolding.

To try to make it easier to ‘see’ the ‘THIS of us all’…. think of the analogy of waves in the vast Ocean . Try to think of it as…..The Ocean being aware that it is the Ocean. But the waves (US)….thinking that they are separate from the Ocean. This ‘thinking’ is the ego. The ego wave says, “I am a huge wave.” Or on another day it says, “I am tired, so I am resting and I look like a sheet of glass.”. On another day, it is irritable or mad and so it crashes onto the shore with thunderous fierceness. The waves think they are all separate from the Ocean. Now, the Ocean (God) knows that all the waves are just part of the Ocean….so the Ocean is not bothered by the ego-waves. Because the Ocean knows there is only one Ocean….with many waves within itself. It is like the different aspects of our personality. There are some things we may wish we could change about our self…but we can’t get away from who we are and we can’t reject our self…because we are parts of the whole. Just as the Ocean doesn’t reject all of the waves that think they are separate. Because the Ocean knows all of the waves are part of the whole Ocean. Whew! Goms thinks that about covers the you and me and the Ocean and the waves…..Or does it?

Spiritual seekers often find themselves inside this same paradox. ‘We’ or ‘They’ (same thing really) think, If ‘I’ can lose ‘myself’…(my ego)…then I have accomplished Spirituality. Seeking is kind of sad because it represents a sort of sadness in not having found what you seek (want). But the big secret is…..the moment you think you have lost your ego….your ego finds another loop-hole to make ‘it’ into another ‘you’. So now you are the ‘True Spiritual One’. ZAP…Ego got you again!

The other big secret is that ‘we’ are supposed to experience fear, sadness, joy, hope, etc. Because if we don’t….we won’t know when the opposite experience comes around. We are just all ONE big happy (or not) member of the ‘Ocean Family’, ‘thinking’ we know it all. And as soon as we think that we do know it all…..ZAP….ego is in control again.

Take a flood. It is the same flood that wipes out a town that goes on to bring much needed water to the farmer and his crops, further down the way. So, is the flood a bad flood or a good flood? The goodness or badness of the flood is relative. It is only made good or bad by owning the experience and how it affects you. Your own conditioning of the flood….your judging of the flood. And this is when ‘suffering’ begins. Wishing it weren’t so. But it is so…..and when you can just accept that it is so…..the suffering stops. When it is someone elses’ flood….then it is sad. But when the flood is owned…it is then ‘my sadness.’.

It is a brilliant ‘game’, so to speak, that God is observing of all of His waves. How ‘we’ all act and react to the situations and experiences of this thingy called Life. We have free will…..we experience different situations, people, obstacles, joys….etc. One day we are the calm waves in the Ocean…another day we are the upset wave crashing on shore….another day we are huge and on a different day….we are puny. But we are still all part of the ONE Ocean.

That is why, when we do something to ‘someone else’…we are actually doing it to ourselves. When one rises….we all rise. And that is also why….there is no good or bad, or right or wrong. It only becomes a life experience when we begin to ‘OWN’ the experience. It is when we say, “I am a sad person.” Because before you own it….it is only sadness….not YOUR sadness. You made YOU, the one who is experiencing the sadness…you made YOU the sad person.

1 Cor.1:10 – says that, “Now I beseech you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that ye all speak the same thing, and that there be no divisions among you; but that ye be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment.”
To Goms…this is a parable that the Christ was trying to show that we ARE all one. Why did Jesus speak in Parables? Jesus explained the reason for this when He said in Mark 4:10-12 – “The secret of the kingdom of God has been given to you. But to those on the outside, everything is said in parables so that, ‘they may be ever seeing but not perceiving, and ever hearing but never understanding; otherwise, they might turn and be forgiven!” This explains how some of ‘us’ may seem to 'get it' and others are forever stumbling around in Duh-Land. Oh-Oh Goms…be careful…Ego is starting to creep in here. Wink and Smile. ((*-^))

Now, it may seem mean or harsh to only have a message available to some and not all. But what Jesus was saying is that He wanted those who didn’t truly want ‘understanding’ or want the Truth…to remain baffled until they searched and found the ‘truth’ themselves. Not just because He said something and was being BLINDLY followed. The other reason may have been that Jesus wanted the ‘seeker’ to experience the kingdom of God for themselves. We can try to paint a picture of a beautiful Sunset or what Love ‘feels’ like…but until we experience it ourselves….we can’t know the ‘Truth’ of it.

So….long story LONG…lol…whatever we are doing to another…we are actually doing to our self. So, lighten up peeps. If we are doing mean and hateful things…we are actually shooting our self in the foot! If you truly want a nice, peaceful life experience…..BE nice and peaceful. This life experience is totally, one-hundred percent like looking into a mirror or your reflection in a puddle. It is the manifestation of what you are projecting into IT. Think about it….be the person, thing, event, situation…..that you want it to be. To put it in a ‘Virtual Nutshell’, just enjoy this life experience and know that whatever is happening or not happening is doing so EXACTLY the way it is supposed to. If it weren’t…it wouldn’t be your life experience. So, accept whatever it is that is happening at this time in your life experience. You can do it. Gommy is pulling for you. But….this is just Gommy’s perception…so you may take it or leave it right here on the pages of this Blog. No worries….or to put it another way blah, blah, blah, yada, yada, yada. But Goms loves you all just the same…. UNCONDITIONALLY! Hugs & Mush- Gommy
(PS-the hug of war poem is from Shel Silverstein....a very bright man, poet and author!)