Hello boys and girls. Grandpa Mike was out of town this week so Gommy spent a wonderful weekend with my daughter and family. It seems that these 'gifts' of time are always a cause for reflection for Goms.
When the family was all tucked in and sleeping, I enjoyed some quality 'me time' by reading a fantastic book that my daughter had left out for me. It was a book by Anne Morrow Lindberg (1906-2001) titled, Gift from the Sea.
Anne Morrow Lindberg was the wife of the famous American Aviator Charles Lindberg, who was famous for being the first person to fly solo across the Atlantic Ocean in 1927. But being Charles Lindbergs' wife isn't all she was known for. She was an aviator, in her own right, famous for being the first woman to earn a first class glider pilot license in 1930. She was also the author of several books. Anne had a special 'perspective' on the many changes we face in our lives. Turns out Anne was way ahead of her time in accomplishments and in seeing what life is really all about.
It is reported that the publication of 'Gift from the Sea' in 1955 earned her place as "one of the leading advocates of the nascent environmental movement" and became a national best seller. Nascent is a sophisticated word used to describe something new, developing, evolving, beginning, or budding....and after reading about Annes' life, it is easier to understand how she gained her perspective on life in general.
The Lindbergs also suffered a horrendous loss in their early lives together. Their baby boy was kidnapped and killed and they suffered what is still thought to be one of the most publicized crimes ever and prompted Congress to pass the Kidnapping Act, where kidnapping a victim and taking them across state lines is a Federal offense. They went on to have 5 more children.....but I am sure they always felt the missing spoke in their family wheel.
The Lindbergs were married for 45 years and Anne outlived her husband by 27 years. Their marriage had many ups and downs as well. Annes' biography states, 'Anne had a 3 year affair with her personal doctor and Charles reportedly had an affair with a woman 24 years his junior, whom he supported financially. The affair was kept secret, and only in 2003, after Anne and the mistress were both dead, did DNA testing prove that Charles had fathered the mistress's three children. One child came to suspect that Lindbergh was their father and made her suspicions public, after finding among her dead mother's effects snapshots of and letters from Charles. He is also suspected of having fathered children by a sister of his Bavarian mistress and by his personal secretary. All this may have contributed to the stoic character of Annes' later life.'
The reason for this 'preamble' on Gommys' blog today about 'Gift From the Sea' is to give a little background as to why I found this to be a truly a remarkable book. It still stands up today...some 56 years after it was written, showing that we are all pretty much the same in how we face our own realizations as our life unfolds....no matter our years, our status, our background, the place or the times in which we live. Anne lived in a different time and era, when popular belief held that the 'little woman' stayed home and raised her family and was subordinate to her husband. It is amazing that Anne broke out of the mold of her era. Her accomplishments included; being the recipient of honorary Masters and Doctor of Letters degrees from Smith College, her alma mater (1935; 1970). Anne also received honorary degrees from Amherst College (1939), the University of Rochester (1939), Middlebury College (1976), and Gustavus Adolphus College (1985). She was inducted into the National Aviation Hall of Fame, the National Women's Hall of Fame, and the Aviation Hall of Fame of New Jersey. War Within and Without, the last installment of her published diaries, received the Christopher Award.
As I was reading the words in the book, I remembered how each of my own decades were influenced by my experiences or lack thereof. With each decade we live, we form and are formed by what we are facing at that time. Gift from the Sea uses beach shells as metaphors of our life. Each shell and the shedding of that shell, representing what we need and then no longer need, at each phase of our life.
But each stepping stone is needed to reach the next phase and the tricky part is knowing when to let go of the 'shell'. It is important to be able to toggle between the two at times...but it is wise to know when to finally let go all together to be able to get to the next phase.
In our 20's and 30's, we are very caught up in accumulating. It may be material, financial, emotional, etc. But it is actually 'identification' with what we think makes us who we are. Eckhart Tolle explains life as expansion and contraction. These are movements that can also be called 'incoming and outgoing'. Much like the inhaling and exhaling of breathing....or the expansion and contraction of your heart. These movements are also reflected in our life cycles. ET says that one day we just seemingly appear into this world 'out of nowhere'. This Birth is followed by expansion of knowledge, activities, possessions, experiences, etc. Our life may be hectic or mundane but this is the time when we are mostly concerned with our 'outer' purpose. Then, as Eckhart points out, just when you think you have figured it all out.....the 'return movement' begins. Loved ones may die, your physical form weakens, your influence diminishes, beauty fades. You are basically put on the back burner of life....to make room for the newer 'incoming'. Life is beginning to contract. And one day, you too, will disappear as well. How we live our lives is how the universe experiences itself.
In our 40's, 50's, 60's and if we are lucky.....beyond.....we seem to acquire the ability to 'see' things more clearly. How ironic.....just when our opinion isn't valued as much as before. As Anne says in her book.... 'we no longer have to be the Belle of the Ball'. We are more comfortable in our own skin and we don't feel the need for constant outside approval. It is a much more relaxed way of living. Feeling you have to measure up or be approved by others is exhausting. It is at these times of our lives that we see our own children go through things we went through. It is wise to keep your opinions to yourself though....because it turns out that struggle as we may with the idea to 'show or guide' them through the rough spots....we must allow them to go through their own stages of life so they will understand it all fully and completely.
Annes' book describes something called Zerrissenheit. 'This is a term coined by William James, which he roughly translated as "torn-to-pieces-hood," a state of being broken or in disarray. To be human is to feel fractured and pulled in a dozen different directions at times. It is precisely during these times in our yearning for self-repair that we find ourselves most open to rebirth, growth, and eventually a heightened sense of spirituality we otherwise could not have reached. This begins with confronting and assimilating our shadow selves into our being. Then as we move through our emotions, we can put these pieces back together into a more full life experience, imperfections and all.'
While we are living a hectic life, or when our house is full of life with children and schedules and no time to our self, we yearn for some 'alone time'. Then during the 'outer movement' of our life.....we find that our wish has been granted and we have plenty of 'alone time'. The kids are grown and on their own and even later, your spouse may be gone. These times are harder for some than others to navigate. If we haven't planned for an 'after-life' (no...not the spooky kind)...but the kind that will fill your Golden Years with good experiences and without sadness....then you will surely find that you just can't 'let go'. It isn't called 'right of passage' for nothing.
All in all....the book demonstrates that as much as we struggle against change....change is inevitable and we MUST go through the stages of our life to understand the phases we have completed. Life is a beautiful gift for sure. Learning to navigate might just be the answer! You can do it ....Gommy is pulling for ya. (And reading the book might help you through the rough patches). Hugs & Mush - Gommy
