Hello boys and girls. Mostly the girls today though. Gommys' blog title can be meant two ways.....Stuff the guilt (meaning keep pushing in down), or STUFF the guilt (meaning to stuff it....and you know where!).
Most girls, women and especially Mommies, know all too well how to stuff down our guilt about a plethora of feelings, deeds, expectations, etc. Those mommies out there know exactly what Gommy is talking about. Well, Goms is giving you all permission.....right here in writing....to STUFF it wherever it will be out of sight and out of your mind once and for all.
You know the 'stuff' Goms is talking about. The old....'should I make a 5 course dinner tonight or just give them the mac and cheese and fish sticks that they love anyway?' Remember that it isn't poison...it is just convenient. Or , 'Should I take them to yet ANOTHER Princess or Cowboy themed party on Saturday, or spend the day at home in our own pool and relax? Should I skip the next play-date with that unbearable brat and her affected mother or have a sitter come by and go have a massage?' Or am I a horrible Mom because I let them watch a TV show so I don't go bonkers, because they are still for one half hour a day while they are watching their Super Hero or their alter-ego being saved by some Prince somewhere?" Gommy could go on here, but I think you get my drift. The only real harm you may be doing is letting them believe there actually is a knight in shining armor waiting to treat them like princesses somewhere! lol
All Moms, throughout the ages, have struggled with trying to be the best Mom they can be. But you know what? You will always be the best Mom to your kids.....no matter how much you do or don't deprive yourself of, or how hard you try to keep all the plates up in the air or let a few fall to the floor. Your kids love you just because you are their Mom. PERIOD.
Another thing to keep in mind is that if you are haggard, ragged and tired....you will not be at your best anyway, so take care of Mommy first, so there will be something left to nurture with. I know.....you are thinking, 'But that is so selfish!" Uh...and what is your point? How can Moms be expected to care for others when she is so tired from the demands put on her that she doesn't even know WHO she is any longer? And another thing....that term..."Working Mother" is quite redundant....don't you think? DUH. A wife and mother is never without something to do and rarely does something nice JUST for herself. So Moms......pay attention. Gommy says to take a little time for yourself along the way. You will enjoy the whole experience much more. I promise.
And don't say that it isn't possible to take some time for yourself. That isn't exactly true is it? What would you do if you got sick? You would have to let other people take over if you came down with the flu wouldn't you? So....take advantage of a grandparent to watch your little ones....or your spouse could give you a night off with the girls or to do something you would like to do just for yourself. Oh, and here's a little hint....when you leave for that occasional date or whatever it is you must leave your Ivory Tower for, and as you are leaving, those sobbing little ones who are clinging and reaching out for you are pouring on the guilt.....don't give it another thought because they stop crying the moment the door shuts. Sorry kiddies.....I love you to bits...but that little secret needs to be out in the open! Gommy has witnessed it many times for herself!
Another thing to remember is to NOT compare yourself or your child to other people. You don't have any idea what is going on in their lives. Their perfect little one may be perfect out and a total diaper dictator at home. Or the other Mommy may seem all put together and have everything under control but is masking a deeper need to 'seem' as if everything is hunky-dory!
And remember when you were beating yourself up about having a hard time breast feeding? And you let those 'other' people (including your husband) make you feel you weren't 'enough' because the pain and cracked, bleeding nipples was a fault of your not being good enough at your mommy-ism-ness....(is that a word...well it should be...lol). If you could only attach the vacuum to their nipples and every so often use your nail file on them until they bleed and attach the vacuum again...maybe they would 'get it'. I know....Ouch....but that is what some mommies go through in trying to be the best Mom in the world.
And here is another little secret for you Moms....most people.....no matter what they tell you....have yelled at their child before. Unless you are a woman with nerves of steel or are on medication, i.e Xanax and/or copious amounts of wine....your kids do get on your last nerve at times. Just as your husband gets on your nerves at times too. And in the spirit of equal fairness....moms get on their husbands and kids nerves as well. But do not beat yourself up for yelling at the kids sometimes. Just take it as a reminder that it is time for another 'Mommy Break'...or call it timeout for Mommy if you will. And for the rest of the story......the kids aren't scarred for life from your losing it some times. You can ask any person over the age of 40 if their parents yelled and/or spanked them and most will tell you absolutely yesssssss. And we are pretty well adjusted individuals for the most part. It is only the last generation that started with the coddling their children so much that the kids are the bosses of the house instead of the parents. Remember...those little angels are masters and mistresses of manipulation. Just watch them in action when they play mom and dad against each other.....Stay firm and strong. A house divided will definitely fall!
And look where all this leniency has led. Children so abusive that they cause their school chums to commit suicide, or they shoot up their classmates while in some bizarre social misfit gang, or they can have no conscience and are able to actually light another student on fire, or secretly tape them doing something personal and putting it online for others to watch for 'entertainment'....or bully others constantly about their sexual persuasion and many other terrible things we hear all too often on the news. How is that working out for those parents who thought they were practicing 'good parenting rules' by not hurting their childs' self-esteem?
Ok.....now you get the idea that it isn't advisable to allow yourself to have the nasty 'Mommy Guilt'. It is easy and normal to fall into the trap of it....but it isn't wise to wallow in it. We all grow up eventually and we mostly all survive how our own parents parented us. It is so easy to blame Mom for everything in our lives that went wrong.... but when we BECOME Moms....we begin to realize it was much easier to be the BEST Mom before we actually became a Mom.
So..pat yourself on the back (cause you probably won't get many from anyone else) and give yourself a break once in a while. Rejoin the human race (the one where the people are over 4 feet tall). You will be a better Mom for it and if you need another pep talk.....just send Gommy a message at the end of this blog. Goms is pulling for you Mommies of the World! Good job....and Gommy is also sending you all a high five and a virtual pat on the back!!!!
There is a happy ending to this story. It is called becoming a Gommy. All the love and happiness.....none of the responsibility...... or the dreaded guilt......(you may now picture this Gommy smiling).....Hugs & Mush, Gommy
