Hello 'Me'.....

I read a quote this morning, which started me thinking…really thinking about the subject in the quote. The quote was by author Richard Bach and it was; “How much to learn if we could spend one hour… or even twenty minutes, with the us we will become! How much could we say to the us we were."

Wow, that is very profound. Just think back to when you were a young child and you were full of hopes and wishes. Then fast forward to a time that you may have made a horrible mistake or a decision that changed your life forever. Or the moment you just ‘knew’ what you wanted to do as your career path. Or when you were a teen and broke up with your first love and you thought it was the end of the world and you just couldn’t go on. Or a time you were bullied and you now realize that those mean people were really the ones who were suffering from a low self-esteem and you were the one who they may have secretly wished they could be. Or if you were the one doing the bullying….that you are so grateful that the other person didn’t take their life, as we hear so often now.

Or maybe remember a very sad time in your life where maybe you lost loved ones and you didn't know if life could ever have any color again. But you have learned that you still have people in your life who mean the world to you and you can have still have happy times with them. And life has given you grandchildren and although you still achingly miss your loved ones, you have indeed been able to be happy again. And that doesn't mean you forgot your loved ones.

How many of those things that you ‘thought’ you wanted when you were so young, would you still want today? Can you even remember that person who you thought ‘broke your heart’ and made you think that you wanted your life to be over because of the breakup? Or would you still do things the same way with your ex? Did you find that life does go on…even after the most agonizing events that may have happened to you? Would you still choose the career path that you were so sure of before you knew how it actually unfolded in your life? Maybe you feel it is too late to change that path and the realization has set in that although you aren’t completely satisfied with your choice, this is what you will be doing for the rest of your working days! What would you say to that young person…’you’….to try and influence the choices you were making, for the most important things that would shape you into you?

What would you say to yourself today, now that you know what actually did happen as your years flew by? Many would be satisfied with the roads they took….many would change some of the decisions they made and sadly, there are those who feel they would change every decision they ever made…and even worse, that they have wasted their lives.

And who would you like to spend more time with….now that they are no longer alive? Who would you like to say you are sorry to? Who would you have cherished more in your life? Who would you have not let go out of your life?

But, the thing to remember is that every decision, every twist and turn in life, is a step we made to grow….to finally become who we are. Another poignant quote by Mr. Bach tells us that this is true; "There are no mistakes. The events we bring upon ourselves, no matter how unpleasant, are necessary in order to learn what we need to learn; whatever steps we take, they're necessary to reach the places we've chosen to go."

The only mistake you can make is to not learn from the lessons we are given. But even that isn’t a real mistake. Because, there will be more lessons and more lessons if that is what you need to finally become ‘you’. It can be a painful process….or you may be a quick learner and sail through the lessons. It is up to the individual. It really is all about choices…..and realizing that you are making those choices at every turn.

So Gommy would suggest….IMHO….and for future reference….to really think about what you want for the rest of your life. It’s never too late to live happily ever after. You can do it…Gommy is pulling for ya’. Hugs & Mush, Gommy

Changes

Hello boys and girls. Grandpa Mike was out of town this week so Gommy spent a wonderful weekend with my daughter and family. It seems that these 'gifts' of time are always a cause for reflection for Goms.

When the family was all tucked in and sleeping, I enjoyed some quality 'me time' by reading a fantastic book that my daughter had left out for me. It was a book by Anne Morrow Lindberg (1906-2001) titled, Gift from the Sea.

Anne Morrow Lindberg was the wife of the famous American Aviator Charles Lindberg, who was famous for being the first person to fly solo across the Atlantic Ocean in 1927. But being Charles Lindbergs' wife isn't all she was known for. She was an aviator, in her own right, famous for being the first woman to earn a first class glider pilot license in 1930. She was also the author of several books. Anne had a special 'perspective' on the many changes we face in our lives. Turns out Anne was way ahead of her time in accomplishments and in seeing what life is really all about.

It is reported that the publication of 'Gift from the Sea' in 1955 earned her place as "one of the leading advocates of the nascent environmental movement" and became a national best seller. Nascent is a sophisticated word used to describe something new, developing, evolving, beginning, or budding....and after reading about Annes' life, it is easier to understand how she gained her perspective on life in general.

The Lindbergs also suffered a horrendous loss in their early lives together. Their baby boy was kidnapped and killed and they suffered what is still thought to be one of the most publicized crimes ever and prompted Congress to pass the Kidnapping Act, where kidnapping a victim and taking them across state lines is a Federal offense. They went on to have 5 more children.....but I am sure they always felt the missing spoke in their family wheel.

The Lindbergs were married for 45 years and Anne outlived her husband by 27 years. Their marriage had many ups and downs as well. Annes' biography states, 'Anne had a 3 year affair with her personal doctor and Charles reportedly had an affair with a woman 24 years his junior, whom he supported financially. The affair was kept secret, and only in 2003, after Anne and the mistress were both dead, did DNA testing prove that Charles had fathered the mistress's three children. One child came to suspect that Lindbergh was their father and made her suspicions public, after finding among her dead mother's effects snapshots of and letters from Charles. He is also suspected of having fathered children by a sister of his Bavarian mistress and by his personal secretary. All this may have contributed to the stoic character of Annes' later life.'

The reason for this 'preamble' on Gommys' blog today about 'Gift From the Sea' is to give a little background as to why I found this to be a truly a remarkable book. It still stands up today...some 56 years after it was written, showing that we are all pretty much the same in how we face our own realizations as our life unfolds....no matter our years, our status, our background, the place or the times in which we live. Anne lived in a different time and era, when popular belief held that the 'little woman' stayed home and raised her family and was subordinate to her husband. It is amazing that Anne broke out of the mold of her era. Her accomplishments included; being the recipient of honorary Masters and Doctor of Letters degrees from Smith College, her alma mater (1935; 1970). Anne also received honorary degrees from Amherst College (1939), the University of Rochester (1939), Middlebury College (1976), and Gustavus Adolphus College (1985). She was inducted into the National Aviation Hall of Fame, the National Women's Hall of Fame, and the Aviation Hall of Fame of New Jersey. War Within and Without, the last installment of her published diaries, received the Christopher Award.

As I was reading the words in the book, I remembered how each of my own decades were influenced by my experiences or lack thereof. With each decade we live, we form and are formed by what we are facing at that time. Gift from the Sea uses beach shells as metaphors of our life. Each shell and the shedding of that shell, representing what we need and then no longer need, at each phase of our life.

But each stepping stone is needed to reach the next phase and the tricky part is knowing when to let go of the 'shell'. It is important to be able to toggle between the two at times...but it is wise to know when to finally let go all together to be able to get to the next phase.

In our 20's and 30's, we are very caught up in accumulating. It may be material, financial, emotional, etc. But it is actually 'identification' with what we think makes us who we are. Eckhart Tolle explains life as expansion and contraction. These are movements that can also be called 'incoming and outgoing'. Much like the inhaling and exhaling of breathing....or the expansion and contraction of your heart. These movements are also reflected in our life cycles. ET says that one day we just seemingly appear into this world 'out of nowhere'. This Birth is followed by expansion of knowledge, activities, possessions, experiences, etc. Our life may be hectic or mundane but this is the time when we are mostly concerned with our 'outer' purpose. Then, as Eckhart points out, just when you think you have figured it all out.....the 'return movement' begins. Loved ones may die, your physical form weakens, your influence diminishes, beauty fades. You are basically put on the back burner of life....to make room for the newer 'incoming'. Life is beginning to contract. And one day, you too, will disappear as well. How we live our lives is how the universe experiences itself.

In our 40's, 50's, 60's and if we are lucky.....beyond.....we seem to acquire the ability to 'see' things more clearly. How ironic.....just when our opinion isn't valued as much as before. As Anne says in her book.... 'we no longer have to be the Belle of the Ball'. We are more comfortable in our own skin and we don't feel the need for constant outside approval. It is a much more relaxed way of living. Feeling you have to measure up or be approved by others is exhausting. It is at these times of our lives that we see our own children go through things we went through. It is wise to keep your opinions to yourself though....because it turns out that struggle as we may with the idea to 'show or guide' them through the rough spots....we must allow them to go through their own stages of life so they will understand it all fully and completely.

Annes' book describes something called Zerrissenheit. 'This is a term coined by William James, which he roughly translated as "torn-to-pieces-hood," a state of being broken or in disarray. To be human is to feel fractured and pulled in a dozen different directions at times. It is precisely during these times in our yearning for self-repair that we find ourselves most open to rebirth, growth, and eventually a heightened sense of spirituality we otherwise could not have reached. This begins with confronting and assimilating our shadow selves into our being. Then as we move through our emotions, we can put these pieces back together into a more full life experience, imperfections and all.'

While we are living a hectic life, or when our house is full of life with children and schedules and no time to our self, we yearn for some 'alone time'. Then during the 'outer movement' of our life.....we find that our wish has been granted and we have plenty of 'alone time'. The kids are grown and on their own and even later, your spouse may be gone. These times are harder for some than others to navigate. If we haven't planned for an 'after-life' (no...not the spooky kind)...but the kind that will fill your Golden Years with good experiences and without sadness....then you will surely find that you just can't 'let go'. It isn't called 'right of passage' for nothing.

All in all....the book demonstrates that as much as we struggle against change....change is inevitable and we MUST go through the stages of our life to understand the phases we have completed. Life is a beautiful gift for sure. Learning to navigate might just be the answer! You can do it ....Gommy is pulling for ya. (And reading the book might help you through the rough patches). Hugs & Mush - Gommy

Time

Lately, the subject of ‘time’ has been coming up a lot. Even the question IF time really exists. But that is waaaay too deep of a subject for Gommy to examine. But what Goms does know….is that whether time exists or not….those ‘spaces’ we consider to be ‘time’, is where all the good stuff happens… and it surely does seem to go by quickly.

The secret in making those spaces have the most meaning is NOT to squander them or waste them or take them for granted. Gommy often hears people say, ‘Where did the time go?’ - or a Mother exclaim that their little ones are growing up too fast. But the Mommies who are ahead of the game…are the ones who savor those precious spaces of time in their lives and enjoy them while they last.

I know for a fact, that my daughter is mindful of how fleeting that time is. She even gets sad and melancholy sometimes at the thought that her little sweeties won’t stay little for ever. Another of my Facebook Friends writes a blog about Mommy-Dom and I can gather from her wonderful writings…that she ‘gets’ it as well.

Gommy wishes there was a way to let some people in on the secret, but that isn’t how it works. Each person has to have their own light bulb moments. It’s like the old saying…’You can lead a horse to water…but you can’t make them drink.’ It is the same with telling people to ‘slow down and smell the roses’. The ones who don’t get it, are the ones who feel they don’t have the ‘time’. Uh……that is exactly the point…you have to TAKE the time to make the best memories.

We all have our memories of special occasions and Goms bets that there were ‘times’ that we weren’t as grateful for them as we would have been if we had known how much we would miss them once they were gone. It’s like when our parents are gone and we can’t just give them a call or drop by for a visit any longer. Or the brother or sister who grew up in the same home with you….now lives across the country and you don’t have much in common with them any longer. You just lost touch because you didn’t take the time to stay connected.

I guess what it boils down to is….if you want to have wonderful memories in your Golden Years…you better start taking the ‘time’ right now to enjoy those precious moments! You can do it….Gommy is pulling for you! Hugs & Mush - Gommy