Hi boys and girls....Gommy wonders how many of us are control freaks? We all know some don't we? We may even BE one. You know them....they are the back seat drivers, the mothers who know how to raise their child and (everyone elses for that matter!), the husband or wife who has to orchestrate every detail of every minute of the entire family's life, the co-worker who takes on the lion's share of responsibility because no one else could ever get it right. Or how about the family member who always decides where the family reunion will be....how much it will cost...what part of the year it will be held....GAG!!!!!
Have you ever wondered why they (or you) feel you have to control every little sickening detail of every little thing that goes on? It is always 'fear driven.' The fear that unless they (or you) are in charge...it will somehow blow up and not go right (at least according to the control freak, that is). The control freak doesn't really do all of this 'stuff' to be cruel, bossy or mean. They really feel they are protecting the world from making monumental mistakes. Mistakes that only they...in their infinite wisdom, can help to avoid. Gommy is not advocating making mistakes...but to achieve successes, we have to take a chance sometimes.
The insipid thing about control freaks is that they use cunning, fear, guilt, intimidation and manipulation to get to have their way. That isn't nice people....so if you are doing that...STOP IT RIGHT THIS MINUTE! It will only blow up in your face one day.....when the person or people you are holding your superiority over has had enough and bolts! It's just a fact of life. When someone or something is held down or against their will for long enough.....they explode and run as fast as they can AWAY from the thing or person who is smothering them. The very thing the control freak is afraid of.... is the very same thing they are causing to happen.
Ever wonder if YOU may be a control freak? Want to step on on a limb and take a little test? Answer some of these questions to get a peek....1) Are you afraid to think someone elses' opinion may be better than yours? 2) Do you often give unsolicited advice? 3) Do you obsess and check and recheck yours and other people's work 4) Do you often feel that unless you are in charge of something, it won't end up well? And for a question that is the most revealing.....5) Is "Know it All" your other name? If you answered 'Yes' to most of these questions....Gommy has a scoop for ya'.....YOU ARE A CONTROL FREAK!
The hardest thing for a control freak to do is to be flexible. Being flexible means not having things go the way YOU want or expect them to go. It means that the 'screaching monkey-talk' in your head is going way out of 'control' and you can't hear the voice of reason any longer. Stop being so anxiety ridden that you have to be a 'helicopter' parent, spouse, co-worker, boss or friend and keep hovering over everything to make sure it goes the right way (actually YOUR way....which is the better way right?) Not necessarily boys and girls. Other people can have good ideas too.
Well if you are projecting these unpleasant characteristics with those around you....Gommy has another question for your. HOW IS THAT WORKING OUT FOR YOU PEEPS???? Gommy's guess is....not very well. Just when you think you have all of Jack....back in the box.....YIKES.....he comes popping right back out and you try to stuff him back in...again and again. But one of these times....Jack is going to escape. So watch out....You will finally be in control....but you will only be controlling yourself from then on because everyone else will have run away...because let's face it....no one enjoys being around a control freak for very long.
If you are the 'victim' ( Gommy hates to use that word because there are no victims....there are only those who allow things to happen to them).....then you may feel better knowing the control freak doesn't have it out for you. Many times, they actually have a very high regard for you or in the case of a spouse....they love you...maybe too much. In many cases, they are actually fearing the loss of you. This is a prime example of someone who is jealous. These people are really just insecure in themselves.
The best way to 'deal' with a control freak is to find a time when they are feeling 'safe'. Let them know, in the workplace for example, that you like your job.....you aren't out to get their job and you take your job seriously and want to do your best too. In the case of a spouse, let them know that you love them and do not want to find anyone else....but that you are not comfortable with them making all the decisions for the family.
If you are the control freak yourself, you have to tell yourself that by letting someone else make some decisions....it doesn't lesson who you are or diminish your value. Gommy promises you that when you see that the whole world didn't fall apart while you weren't running it.....you will be able to let go and enjoy a little at a time. Try it....it is much easier being the guest than the host....Gommy has been both and has decided to be the guest from now on and give up the hostess position. LOL ;-]
So "AT EASE' control freaks of the world. Let it be......as the great Beatles song goes. Sit back....enjoy.....let go of the reins for a bit. Everything will be okay.....Gommy is pulling for you! Hugs and Mush
