This is the time of year that our children will be graduating from school all around the country. Be it Pre K, elementary school, high school or college. It is a rite of passage when all Moms will be sharing that same 'lump in the throat' experience we all have felt with our children when they graduated from their milestone events.
It is always a little scary to let your high school graduate be leaving to go off to college. This is because mothers are always trying to protect their children. We start as soon as we know we are going to have a baby. The ginormous prenatal pills we are expected to swallow so our babies will have strong bones, the eating the proper balance of protein and the other good foods on the proverbial health chart pyramid, the sacrifice of not eating or drinking anything for the nine months that might harm the baby in any way.
Then after they are born, there is the every waking moment of making sure they don't choke or smother when they are infants. Then mothers try to protect them from falling when they start to walk. As they grow older, mothers try to shelter them from getting their feelings hurt from school chums or bullies. We try to prevent them from getting their hearts broken as they reach puberty and start the dreaded boy/girl exchange that will make them all giddy and this is the time also, when mom becomes the enemy and the dumb person who doesn't understand ANYTHING anymore.
Then there is the right school, the right friends, the proper attire so they don't look as if no one was at home noticing how they went out the door. After they graduate, they go off to college and you can no longer be the 'protector' and you hope and pray that everything you did to teach them the right way to be safe and how to act......actually stuck somewhere in that head of theirs.
This isn't to say that fathers don't try to protect their children, because they do. Gommy is just writing about a mother's perspective because Goms is a MOM!!! That is what I know and what I felt as a mom, raising three children.
Gommy was fortunate enough to be Blessed with three children. We went through all the stuff moms and kids go through. But we also went through some stuff that no one ever wants to go through. The father of my children was killed in a car accident when they were just 8, 11 & 12. That was a time of having your world pulled out from under you.....it was a sock in the stomach, a slap in the face, and it was virtually mind-blowing. And it was also the end of a family that was in tact and had made everyone feel safe up to that point.
Trying to get by after losing a loved one is actually just going through the motions. You don't really have a choice if you are to go on. Because one thing Gommy learned is that no matter what is happening in your own life.....life does go on. Now, you can make the choice to be bitter and take it out on the world, or to shrink back from life and choose alcohol, drugs, or whatever obsessive crutch there is to help you cope. Or you can choose to 'accept' what happened and hopefully, someday, will understand "why". But the obsessive crutches don't help anything and in the end, they will eventually destroy anything you do have left. Goms isn't pointing fingers here because some people just can't cope. That is unfortunate and not something to blame the person for. But there does come a time when the expiration period of blaming what has happened to you in your life does expire. You must take responsibility for how you live the rest of the time you have on Earth. So Goms's advice is to try to 'accept' what is...because there really is no other choice when you think about it. It is what it is......it will not change.
Now, after losing your husband and trying to go on with your life....and you begin to think you have done an O.K. job so far.....you don't really ever think anything else that horrible could ever happen to you again. Wrong people.....there is always something worse that can happen. Gommy always shudders when she hears someone say, "What else can happen?" Believe me, something else CAN happen. In Gommys' case it was losing two of her beautiful children in another tragic car accident. This is probably a time when anyone would give you a pass if you decided it was just too much to take and you did succumb to the crutches out there. But when you are Blessed with still having a beautiful daughter that was spared....you do go on.
Gommy had remarried after losing her husband and it was to a remarkable man who took on marrying a woman with three children. It isn't any picnic to come into a house where you aren't exactly welcomed with open arms. But stay he did and in time things did work out with everyone and I now have a companion and love to share and enjoy my Golden Years with.
The thing Gommy has been thinking about quite a bit lately is that we really cannot protect our children, no matter how diligent we may be. One of the hardest parts of losing your child is that you feel as if you failed at protecting them. That was my job as their mother....I had spent my whole life trying to protect them and I just couldn't do it. There are no words that were ever written for the grief a mother feels when her child dies. It isn't supposed to be that way. Parents die before their children. That is what we are 'promised' isn't it? It isn't natural to bury your child. But it does happen and we have to go on.
But the part that is most important is that we did have our children. And we did have a wonderful relationship with them and happy times, and birthday parties, and PTA open houses,and Christmases and other yearly holidays and milestone graduations, and Disney World trips, and snuggle hugs and kisses, and making the boo-boos go away, and being adored just because you were their Mommy, and, and, and....So, we must be grateful that we did have them and smile when a memory comes floating back to us. They were just loaned to us and they were and are truly the greatest gift you could ever receive.
The title of this blog is "The Relationship Still Continues" and what Goms means by this is that they will always be my little boy and girls. No matter how big they are and I still feel the presence of Terry and Tiffany all the time. I feel them watching over me and I still feel the love they have for me. And I have my beautiful daughter Tracey and my love grows for her each day. And we are fortunate enough to be able to still make memories together for a very long time to come. And Tracey has two beautiful children that I can love to pieces and make even more memories with. And my son Terry left two beautiful children that I now have a relationship with and it is so awesome to spend time with them. And Goms is Gommy also to my husband Mike's granddaughter Kyra. She is a beautiful little girl and is a joy to be around. A mother cannot ask for much more than that. So, you see, the relationships do go on.
So, Mommies out there.....enjoy your little ones and your big ones and your troubled ones and your successful ones.....because the time goes by in an instant. Keep making those memories....they will be your "Gommy Security Blankie" in your old age when you look back in remembrance and are smiling about the good times you were fortunate enough to have been given. Hugs and Mush boys and girls and good luck on your lifes' travels and the experiences you are all about to begin.....Kiss, Kiss....Muahhhh
