Hello boys and girls. Gommy was reading an article in O Magazine and there was a very interesting interview with the Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh. One of the questions was about 'listening' to heal. It resonated with Gommy, because I have been guilty of not hearing what I was listening to in the past. There is a tendency to try to 'fix it' or give advice on the subject when we are sharing a deep, personal telling from another.
What this very clever man said is that 'Deep Listening' is the kind of listening that can help relieve the suffering of another person. He called it 'Compassionate Listening'. In this type of listening...you listen with only one purpose: to help him/her to empty his heart. This means to keep listening, even when they may be full of wrong perceptions and are full of bitterness. You continue to listen with compassion because you know that they NEED to get this out of them. When they are able to 'get it out'....you are helping them to suffer less. If you feel the need to help them with their perceptions of the situation....you can do that at a later time. But for this time.....do not interrupt. You do not argue the points with them. Because if you do, they lose the chance to cleanse their suffering. Even one hour of this kind of listening....can be transformational.
We all need to vent at times. And yes, we do want someone to agree with us. But if we start agreeing with them or giving advice...they won't heal properly. It is like putting a band-aid on a dirty cut. It will not heal properly until you clean out the 'wound' completely.
Thich Nhat Hanh went on to shed light on how not being able to cleanse wrong perceptions can lead to violence and conflict and even wars. The terrorists have wrong perceptions about themselves and of us. They believe the 'other group' is trying to destroy them, their religion and their civilization. So, they want to annihilate 'us', before we can kill them. The anti-terrorists feel the same way. This fear and anger on both sides cannot be solved with guns and bombs. Communication is the ONLY way to solve hatred. Listening and allowing 'them' to know that 'we' hear what they are saying. That we understand they are suffering. That we want to learn what will make the wrong perceptions right for all mankind.
When we are honest...the other 'side', person, situation......will feel comfortable in opening their hearts to the fact that we are truly trying to understand. Only then, will terrorism be removed. This also applies to any conflict; be it work related, or difficulties with family members or friends. All things are possible with love in our hearts.
Look at what happened in Arizona this week with all the hate killings. The man who committed these heinous acts was suffering with wrong perceptions. He was full of hate and it is obvious that no one was truly listening to his rants. His suffering turned into a violent act where many innocent people were targeted and sadly killed. Perhaps things would have been different if there had been someone who had listened to him over time and had let him get all his wrong perceptions out. That may have allowed him to vent....which is just another way of saying...'letting off steam.' He may have been able to see that he did have wrong perceptions, if he had let off that horrible steam that had been building up in him for so long. As in the band-aid theory....the wound will keep festering until it is cleansed thoroughly.
Compassion and understanding go hand in hand. Until we really hear what we are listening to, there will be a divide. The next time you have a situation arise that could use this type of 'listening'...try it. Stay quiet until you feel the other person has been able to cleanse whatever is going on in their life situation. You will be doing them and the world a huge, ginormous favor. When one rises....we all rise. We must realize that every thought or deed produces action (good or bad). There is a piece I read that was beautiful...it said, 'even a pebble thrown in the ocean makes the ocean different.' We are all pebbles and the ripple effect is felt by all.
So, remember.....we all suffer when we are struggling against something. When we are caught up in wrong perceptions. When we are not at peace with 'what is'. When we try to....and then realize.....we cannot change what has been or what is. So, Gommys' wish for you all is that you find your way to peace of mind boys and girls. Get it out....get it all out. You can do it....Gommy is pulling for ya'..Hugs & Mush Gommy
