Isn't it funny how stories change over time? You know the 'grandmother' game......first a phrase is written down so no one can say later on, "No, that isn't what it (the written phrase) said!"......then you start off in a circle and whisper the phrase you were given in the ear of the person on your left....that person whispers what they 'heard' to the next person and on and on until the last person has to say what the phrase is.....guess what???? It is NEVER exactly how the phrase started out.
We as humans, have the habit of remembering how we want to remember things, instead of how they really were. Mostly because we bring our own emotional baggage into the equation. For instance, if someone says something about you and it is so very far from the truth......it will never bother you. If, on the other hand, it is a flaw that you recognize in yourself.....it will bug you to pieces. I guess that is where the phrase, "The truth hurts" comes from. And when someone tells you they have forgotten something that happened in the past, but they are obviously hanging onto it for dear life....that is usually because you have come too close to a trait that the person dislikes about themselves or has tried to overcome and is insulted that you 'went there' and they feel uncomfortable about reliving it....Or someone may call you a 'fake' and if you know you are not a 'fake' it will not bother you. But if you know deep down that you are a fake and someone is getting close to uncovering that truth about you.....it hurts your feelings. If we dig deep enough and are truthful enough with ourselves....the truth usually comes out.
My daughter taught me something she learned in college while she was studying psychology.....the teacher said if someone said you have green hair....how would you feel? It wouldn't bother you, would it? Because you KNOW you don't have green hair. If someone says you gave your child up (even though it was the right thing to do at the time) you would have that pang in your gut because you 'feel' you should have kept the child with you no matter what. But don't blame the person who DID take care of the child because you feel guilty. Instead be happy the child was taken care of by someone who obviously loved them very much, while you had to do your own thing at the time.....It is easy to 'blame' others for making you feel a certain way.....but the reality is that you are in charge of how you process what other people say to you in a hurtful way. If it really, really, really bothers you...there is probably some shred of the truth in what they said. If you say you have forgotten it and put it behind you.....but keep it alive and nurture it with hateful thoughts.....it is still there, isn't it? And if you spout off hurtful things back at the person.....are you really any different than what you were so upset with the person for in the first place?
The reason Gommy is talking about all this is that I have had to work on myself quite a bit over my many years. I have made mistakes over the years and there have been times of wishing things didn't happen a certain way. But we are human and we do make mistakes. But if you learn from your mistakes and grow from them and truly try to do better, then all was not lost. Sadly 20/20 vision works only for our past, not our present or future in how we should have or will have handled certain things in our lives. But if you truly want to make yourself a better person....only you have that ability. If others don't see that you have tried to make amends....then it is that person who needs to start working on their 'stuff'.
Today is the "Day of Atonement" for the Jews. This is the holiest day of the year because it gives everyone a clean slate. Gommy thinks it is a good idea for all of us to implement. Atonement means that there is a chance to start all over again. But doing it right this time....but you must truly be sorry (atone) for your mistakes or sins..... BUT....with the knowledge that you cannot just do things the same old way or the deal is off. If you have hurt someone....you atone (feel sorry) for the way you acted. If you sinned.....you atone for that behavior....etc., etc.
So Gommy says......if you truly want a peaceful life, you will not succumb to any sort of drama i.e. suffering, quarreling, violence, grudges or any unkind behavior. You will realize that there are ALWAYS three sides to every story before you take sides (which is never a good idea either).......the two people involved and then the TRUTH. If you can be honest with yourself......really honest......you will start with your own behavior and work out from there. There is no reward in not facing our own faults and frailties. So man-up or lady-up and put on your big girl or boy panties and deal with whatever it is that is haunting you. Don't blame someone else for bringing it up. If it isn't anywhere near the truth.....it won't bother you.
If you feel someone can't get over something from the past and it causes drama in your life.....just stay away from that person. There is no plus in trying to foster a relationship with someone who dislikes you. There is no place for phoniness to ever make a relationship work. It will only cause you more frustration and sadness and no one wants that in their life. Put out what you want to come back in your life and if you know in your heart that you have grown as a person and have tried to make amends....you will be at peace. We must all deal with the Karma that we put out there....Gommy is truly trying to atone for any unkind or mean things from my past and it is very freeing......so try it......it REALLY feels good to expunge toxic feelings from your life. It takes 'moral reckoning' to a new level!!!!
There was a time that Gommy held grudges and just couldn't find it in her heart to forgive someone for things. But in reality it was only making Gommy sick.....the person you are mad at is going along their merry way and the 'grudge-holder' (just made that up) is the miserable one.....So atone, atone, atone.....it really does make you feel GREAT!!! If God can forgive you.......well, that is all that really matters now doesn't it? Now, be happy all you boys and girls out there.....Gommy is going to get ready to go to lunch with a very dear friend today and I intend to enjoy and be grateful for this day that was given to her as a gift and atone for any mis-steps I may have taken along my life's path!!! ((*.*))
