The Old Gray Mare

Gommy thinks this 'old gray mare' might just be what she used to be after all. Today is the last day of taking care of my two little ones. That would be Gommys' grandchildren Samantha, who is 2 3/4 and Brandon, who is 5 months. Gommy made it through the boo-boo's, the mealtimes, the nap times, the 2 am feedings, playtime-activities and bedtimes. And it was all wonderful. Just like riding a bike really. It all comes back to you and you remember when your own little ones were young. It brought back some pretty nice memories.

Gommy did cheat a little though. When things got too temperamental, i.e. a potential meltdown by big sister, or the 'witching hour' which usually occurs right when it is time to fix dinner, (things haven't changed all that much since Gommys' little ones did the same thing), there was always "Little Bear", "Dragon Tales" or some other fun thing to watch that Mommy doesn't usually allow except for before naptime or bedtime.

Today Gommy and Grandpa Mike go back to our 'regular life' of work, eat, sleep, work, eat, sleep, work, eat, sleep, and on and on. We will miss our little ones' faces in the morning, the fun in-between times and the cuddling at night. We'll miss the cutest questions from the cutest little voice. Grandpa Mike loves it when he comes home from work and Samantha is anxiously waiting for him at the front door. That is the purest form of love. And how when he is still asleep in the morning, he feels eyes staring at him and when he opens his own eyes, there is Samantha waiting for him to get up and have breakfast with her. There is nothing like it in the world. It makes you feel needed again and that is a very nice feeling.

So, it is Sunday again and Gommy is reminded how we have even more to be grateful for this week than last. We are so Blessed to have such a wonderful life with our family. The best part of life is sharing it with loved ones. You can't buy this sort of special time. We didn't have to go to an amusement park, or a movie theater, or anywhere at all that costs money. We had books to read, cartoons to watch, a playroom full of fun and educational toys and we even had story time where we told stories to each other of good memories we have.

I know Mommy and Daddy enjoyed their time together and their big girl and big boy playtime to celebrate Daddys' birthday but Gommy wouldn't trade all the fun she had with the little ones for anything. And I think I can speak for Granpa Mike too. So thanks Trace and John for taking your little trip......it was really more of a gift to Gommy and Grandpa Mike.......tee,hee

From Mommy to Gommy

Gommy has had the pleasure the last few days to take care of two of her grandchildren. They are; Samantha age 2 3/4 and Brandon 5 months. As a mommy, I remember these times but in a very different way. When you are the mommy, you are responsible for them totally and in every way. Gommy is just responsible for them and their safety for two and a half days......Two and a half glorious, wonderful and fun filled days. Everything they say and do is just so precious to Gommy. I can remember as a Mommy that I didn't think everything my kids did was so precious. Yes, I enjoyed them and loved them beyond words, but when you are THE mommy, every day life comes into play and you sometimes don't have the luxury to just sit around and marvel at what miracles the children are. There is laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping, taking them to sports or dance or picking them up from school. Gommy can just be with them and get all their 'sugar' (that's Southern slang for kisses).

I have heard the saying that you should have your grandchildren first so you could enjoy your own children more. Now that idea is probably going to be stolen from Gommy too. For years Gommy has said that we should be born old and become younger each day so we would be more appreciative of the aches and pains disappearing and a wrinkle that is not there one morning when you are looking at yourself in the mirror while brushing your teeth, or the stamina that you regain each day...... Does the movie 'Benjamin Button" ring a bell?????Oh well, what I meant about having grandchildren first is that they are pure joy. No, they are pure bliss. I am writing this right now while Brandon is making the most adorable baby-cooing talk sounds and it is making my heart melt. I don't think he could be having as much fun making those sounds as I am listening to them. Earlier, before lunch and naptime for Samantha, we swam in her pool and just giggled, laughed and splashed and made wonderful memories. At lunch, there was some spinach in her noodles and when she said she didn't like spinach, I told her about "Popeye the Sailor Man". I taught her the song and when she started singing it, I knew I had to show her a Popeye cartoon on YouTube....she loved it. Even though it was grainy and hokey. Not like the slick cartoons she is used to.....but she loved it just the same. She and Gommy shared a piece of history today.

What I want to say to Mommies out there on a more serious note though is that some day your little ones will grow up and leave the nest. That is the way it is supposed to be. But in the mean time, make sure you are making a life for yourself as well and that you are staying close to your husband in ways that will assure there is still a 'couple' left when the kids are gone.

I have a glorious relationship with my daughter Tracey. I think that is so precisely because I try not to MOTHER her. Yes, I am still her mother, but my job of 'mothering' is finished. We moms must let our children make their own decisions and mistakes. Gommy isn't saying I don't still worry like a mom or occasionally tell Trace to be careful, etc. - but Gommy really does TRY not to give advice unless it is ASKED for....and even then, Gommy has learned to 'use a filter' when answering because as I have said before, most people don't want your advice, they usually want someone to agree with them and your children aren't any different.

Moms that have the hardest time with the 'empty nest syndrome' are the ones that don't have any other identity except as a 'mother'. Believe Gommy when I tell you, you will have a much happier relationship with your kids if you just keep your opinions to yourself and mind your own business and let your kids mind theirs. .....It will be much appreciated and your kids might even like to have you around a little more. Gommy has to say a big thank you to Grandpa Mike for helping too. He was very gracious about just packing up and moving in for the days we were needed to be with the grands. I thank God every day that Grandpa Mike and Gommy kept the 'couple' alive in our relationship so we still have each other now that our children have flown the coop. Good luck all you comrades out there.....let Gommy know how it is all working out for you!

Boundaries

Gommy wants to say something about setting boundaries. Boundaries are necessary if we are to get along with each other, or have a relationship with our in-laws, or just live together on this planet and still be happy. Gommy has always been an advocate of the belief that people only do to you what you allow them to do. One of my blog readers (thank you very much) wrote to tell Gommy that they had forgiven someone and that someone still got to them after the fact.

Now Gommy hasn't always been so great at this sort of thing herself. Gommy has been known to be a "Doris Doormat" herself and a poster girl for the "Best Little Girl in the World" syndrome as well. At one time, Gommy would take the long way around any situation so as not to have a confrontational experience. Or make herself very, very small so no one would notice her and ask her to take sides. Even if one of the sides was Gommys'!!!!! Live and Learn, right? Gommy learned. Did I mention I'm a slow learner????

There is a fine line between intelligence and being wise. Intelligence is a measure of mental acuity. Being wise is knowing and using good judgement. Gommy has always suspected that she was a little ESP-ish....Gommy can usually tell, just by entering a room, if there is tension between the people in the room, or get vibes from people, really strong vibes!!! Gommy can also feel when someone is troubled about something. Gommy used to think the person was mad at Gommy but I have finally come to realize that isn't the case. It is usually just the other persons' stuff, but when you feel it so strongly, you mistakenly think it must have something to do with you.....NOT!!!

Back to setting boundaries. First, you have to be willing to listen to the other persons' side before you make up your mind about the whole she-bang....But if you really can't agree with the person, say it. Believe it or not, they will respect you for saying your piece. Gommy isn't saying they will like it, but they will respect you. They also will know where they stand from then on and it takes away any lingering 'feelings' or doubts about the subject. The secret to the whole thing though is to be kind when you say NO! Saying no isn't a crime. The crime is when you do something you don't want to do and do it anyway. It can be a 'crying shame' and the crime is against YOU...Self-inflicted yes, but it still feels like someone was wronged and they were....YOU!

So it goes back to the blog I did on forgiving. If someone has done something to you and you can't seem to set boundaries with them, you should still forgive them. It will make you feel better. It is like the story about two Monks. Monks normally take a vow of silence and are not supposed to speak or have any sort of relationship or contact with other people. Well, these two Monks were walking along a road and they came upon a creek. There was a girl in a long dress on the edge of the creek and she seemed concerned about how she would get across without getting her dress wet. The one Monk said to the girl, "Would you like me to help you across creek?" The girl answered that she would. The Monk carried her across to the other side and then the two Monks went on with their walk. After a time, the one Monk said to the other Monk, "You know we aren't supposed to talk with or have contact with anyone and you carried that girl across the creek." The other Monk said, "Oh, are you still carrying that girl? I let her off hours ago!". The Monk who was so worried about doing the right thing was mulling the incident over and over in his mind and not letting it go while the Monk who was just doing something nice for someone wasn't agonizing about it any longer. If we keep harboring our ill feelings, we end up making ourselves sick over it. Just let it go.....free yourself and do yourself the favor.....Stop telling your 'sad story' over and over to yourself. There are so many more nice things you can think about.

So Gommy says to be nice about telling someone to 'BACKOFF'. Rehearse it over to yourself. Write it down and read it out loud. It is hard at first, but it comes easier once you get the hang of it. Gommy says quit thinking about stuff that is unpleasant. You and everyone who comes in contact with you will be happier......So, be happy, don't worry. I think Gommy has heard that somewhere before....But it still applies!

Gone But Not Forgotten

Gommy is very sad today. In the last few days, we have lost three icons who have left imprints on many of us and left us with very fond memories of very great entertainment. Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson have all passed. Ed McMahon had a very long career and lived a good, long life. He was Johnny Carson's sidekick for many years on The Tonight Show. Farrah Fawcett was the pin-up girl of the 70's and was probably most remembered for her role as Jill in 'Charlie's Angels". I don't think there are very many people from the 70's who didn't watch her solve crime after crime with her two BF's.... And then there is Michael Jackson, The King of Pop..... He was an entertainer extraordinaire. He had moves like no one had ever seen when he made his album "Thriller". Everyone sang along with his songs and loved to watch him dance and tried to dance themselves like he did. He was the real deal!

The passing of these three famous people made Gommy think about how life is so fleeting.....We are here today and gone tomorrow. Whether we are famous or not, we all have to leave this planet. Like my Dad used to say, "No one gets out of here alive." It makes you think that we should all take the time to appreciate every day we do have while we are alive. It is incomprehensible to many of us that one day, we too will be gone. Hopefully we won't be forgotten either. The impressions we leave with loved ones or even friends and acquaintances are the legacy's we leave of how we spent our lives. You can either do good things while you are still among the living and leave a nice impression (literally and figuratively), or it may just be said of you when you depart, "Good riddance to bad rubbish". Maybe not that harsh, but you see where Gommy is going with this.

Entertainers are remembered for their movies, songs, comedy, etc., but the rest of us are remembered by how you treat other people, how fair and honest you were to others, if you were kind and helpful and who you loved and maybe more importantly, who loved you. Gommy hopes you had the chance to know real true love and to have been truly loved by someone while you were here.

So Gommy thinks we should all say a prayer and a good-bye to Ed, Farrah and Michael. Then we should all say a prayer and a thank you for all we have and for all of our Blessings. No matter how much or how little we have, we should be thankful for it all. There are many things to be thankful for, even if you can't think of anything. How about you are breathing right now? How about you ate some food today and how about most of us had a bed to sleep in and a roof over our heads last night? Believe it or not, there are many people in the world who didn't have any of those luxury's. Yes luxury's...... No one owes you any of those things. They were provided to you through the Grace of God. There are some people in the world who would switch with us in a second......so you better start being thankful or you may just be taught how it is be without!

A Million Dollar Car????

Yesterday, Gommy was driving home from work and it was raining 'cats and dogs'. Gommy is always very careful while driving but I am even more paranoid when it is raining. Well, I was having 'crazy talk' to myself to be careful while I'm driving, the roads are probably slick from the oil build-up, don't get too close to the car in front of me.....WOW! The car in front of me happened to be a black Maybach.........a car that costs a million dollars!!!! I practically stomped on the brakes, but the car behind me wouldn't have appreciated it very much. I was so nervous that I was afraid I would hit the gas pedal instead of the brakes....

Now, I don't know about you, but I can't even fathom owning a car worth a million dollars. If I were ever in a position to own a car of that value, I would have to live in it, eat in it, and it would have to wash itself and come with a butler and maid......

Gommy got to thinking about how wealthy a person must have to be to drive around in a million dollar car...........How must the valet person feel who parks it for the person? How much did the owner of the car tip the valet? I hope it was a bundle...I would hate to have the valet guy 'revenge' bump it..... After the million dollar car guy turned into the parking lot of the restaurant he/she was going to, I thought it would be funny to run in to the restaurant and be all drippy wet and scream frantically into the dining room, "Who is the owner of a black Maybach.....I just ran into it!" On second thought, anyone who owns a million dollar car and drives it to a restaurant, probably isn't concerned about things like that.....they probably even had a chauffeur anyway and didn't even valet (what was I thinking?) I know, I was thinking like an ordinary person.....

I did hear about a guy recently who was in a Maybach in Chicago who when stopped at a light, got a big surprise. People started beating on the hood of the car and screaming how they should be ashamed to show such vulgarity of wealth and how it was all the rich people's fault the country was in such a mess......Wow, I bet they parked that million dollar car in one of their garages and took a taxi from then on.

Oh well, back to reality.....Gommy wishes everyone the very best and hopes only good things to everybody. No bad Karma here....Peace Out!!!!!

"Waste Not Want Not"

'Waste Not Want Not'......How many times has Gommy heard that growing up? Any other 'Baby Boombers' out there remember that phrase coming out of your parents' mouths? Or how about "Do you think money grows on trees?". I bet you have. Boomers' parents were from the "Depression Era", which was another time from our relatively recent history, that the country found itself in financial doom. We are experiencing harsh economic times once again and the younger generation is finding it very hard to wrap their minds around it.

I can still see my mother washing out our used, store-bought plastic bags to save for another use. It was more the norm that she would use our empty plastic bread bags or re-use the plastic bags from the grocery store. Her generation knew what going without really meant. Even though we are having rough times now, people are still going out to eat, still going to the grocery store for their food and still driving to get around. Gas and food was rationed during the Great Depression. When I was a young girl, I never understood why it was called 'great' because there was nothing great about it. I later learned the term meant great as in huge, large, etc.

Some of my Moms' habits trickled down to me and I still find that I save 'really good' plastic containers that grocery store food comes packaged in. I find myself thinking, "Hmmmmm, I have to keep this one!". What happens is that I have a kitchen cabinet that is crammed full of containers that I really don't need. Can I bring myself to throw them out? Apparently not. And I can always get three or four more baths from a bar of soap that most people would think is finished.....This is proof that our neuroses is generational. And I have now handed it down to my own daughter......But it's a good thing that she recognized this ailment and has made an attempt at stopping the vicious cycle. She is much better than I am at throwing stuff out, but it took a concerted effort.

I think we hang onto stuff because it is a sort of pacifier for adults. It gives us comfort in some sort of weird way to know that we have 'stuff'. I have recently reduced my 'stuff' considerably and I can honestly say that I don't miss the 'stuff' I used to hang on to. It actually makes you feel alot lighter not to worry so much about your 'stuff'.

I will admit though, that I could always get two or three teeth-brushings after my kids 'thought' the tube of toothpaste was long empty. And I can never throw out a dish washing detergent bottle until I have rinsed it out completely and gotten a few more sinkfuls of dishes washed. Yeah, I still hand wash dishes. It's something about thinking the dishwasher wastes too much water.....I know, I'm still working on myself.

I feel the younger generation never thinks about lack because they have never experienced it for themselves. There has always been plenty for them, so they don't have that built in fear that it won't always be there.

So Gommy thinks we should all try to conserve 'stuff', like energy, water, and things that will help the planet. But for heavens sake, throw out the used plastic bags before you become a hoarder...

Happy Fathers' Day

To all you Dads out there.....Gommy wishes you a wonderful day. Grandpa Mike had a great day so far. Gommy fixed Grandpa a super-duper breakfast of bacon, eggs, orange juice and homemade biscuits with strawberry jam. Then it was off to the beach. It couldn't have been a more beautiful calm ocean if Gommy had ordered it up for Grandpa. My daughter Tracey and her husband Johnny along with the grandkids, Samantha and Brandon surprised us and came to swim with us while we were there. Swimming in the ocean with your kids and grandkids, on a beautiful, sunny day in Florida....ahhhhhhhhhh - you can't ask for more than that. Well, maybe that Grandpa didn't have to go to work at 1pm and he could maybe stay at home, on the couch, and watch the U.S. Open Golf Tournament on TV ????? Okay...we are grateful for what we did have.

It really is true that anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a DAD. I know Grandpa Mike has always been a great DAD and Step-Dad. He has been and still is so proud of his son Michael and my children, Terry, Tracey and Tiffany. And he has been a terrific Grandpa as well. He agreed to have my grandson Terry come to live with us for a whole school year, a while back. Having a teen in the house is a lot to ask of someone who works seven days a week. I believe it did my grandson a world of good and I know Mike enjoyed helping him he and never complained once. That takes a real big heart. But anyone who knows Mike knows how big a heart he has. He is the proverbial guy who would give you the shirt off his back. There have been times I have had to rein him in so he didn't literally give his last shirt away....I guess you could find other things to fault a man about.

So Gommy wants to tell all you Dads that you should enjoy every single second of the time you have with your children. These are precious times and they go by so very fast. There may be days that you will want to pull your hair out by something they have done, but you will find that it is all worth it when they do something out of the blue that make the buttons on your shirt just pop off..... Make memories with your children. That is all they will have when you are gone. It is the best gift you can ever give them. It is what we all look for in the movies we watch that make us all warm and cozy. Nostalgia.....That is the feel good feeling that just makes you wish you could get it back.........even for just a day.

Am I up to date or out of the loop?

Gommy was recently talking with a cutie patootie co-worker about how when my daughter Tiffany was a teenager, she used to give me a 'word of the week' so I wouldn't become an old fogey. Each week she would put a new 'word' on the dryer in my laundry room. She knew I'd always find it there!!! No doubt.....(that is one of those phrases of the day.)

Some of the words 'back in the day' were; chill, fly-girl, the bomb, peace out and cool. Cool must never go out of style because I still hear people (yes, even young people) using it today. Tiff would still be trying to keep ole' Mom up to date if she were around, but my sweet Tiff died in a car accident several years ago. Tiff would be happy and proud to know her old Mom continues to try to keep up with the times.

My little friend and co-worker Jen, gave me some new and up to date words to keep me in the loop. She is a sweetie and a senior in high-school and I know she would have loved Tiff and Tiff would have loved her as well. To be honest, I am quite pleased the younger set still even wants to talk to me, since I really am approaching the 'old fogey' set more so now. There might be some Gommys and Grands out there who might want to keep up with the younger set, so Gommy will let you in on some of the words Jen gave me; duck - meaning dumb as a duck, bout it - meaning fast, straight - means cool (but you can still use cool, don't worryI checked), true - you say that every few minutes when someone is telling you something (I guess it is to let them know you are still listening), dip -means you are leaving (it used to mean stupid as in 'dumb as a dip-stick'), sick - means cool (again), mom - means you are being a drag so lighten up!, scoop me up - means will you pick me up. There, that should do you for a while. Write them down and go over them every once in a while. Try to use them in conversations with other older folks and maybe we can bridge the generation gap a word at a time.....Gommy will throw in another word every once in a while in my blog to help keep us all up to date.

Gommy really enjoys working with young people. It helps to keep you younger (in your thoughts anyway). If you 'hang' with
( that's another term meaning - be with) only old people, the only new terms you are going to pick up are MRI, bowel movement, scan, ache, pain.....get it? I prefer to try to stay as young as I can. Not because of vanity.....we are all going to get older, but you don't have to get OLD! Old people have a tendency to be grouchy too, or as my granddaughter Samantha says, "He is grumpy Gommy". If all you talk about is your aches and pains and your next doctors' appointment, no wonder you are grumpy.....

So let's start trying to at least act younger in our way of how we think of things. Try saying things that are pleasant and not always about our sicknesses. Think about it, no one really wants to hear about your bowel movements or your last medical procedure..... Give it a break. Smile once in a while and don't feel as if you have to give your advice to everyone you come in contact with. They don't want that either.....

Good luck to all you seniors out there, and I don't mean the ones still in high school. Try talking to a teen once in a while, you'll be surprised how much you can learn from them!!!! Just today, even my granddaughter Samantha (2 1/2 years old) taught Gommy something. I was watching her for my daughter, and Samantha was playing 'dress-up'. I asked her who she was and she said she was a Princess. I asked her who Gommy was and she said Cinderella....and I thought that was quite a coincidence since Gommy sometimes feels like Cinderella, but the one BEFORE the Prince comes to rescue her. Then she suggested that Grandpa Mike could be the King. I asked who Mommy could be and she said 'Ariel'. (FYI -Ariel is the Mermaid of movie fame). Then I asked who Daddy could be and she said, "Eric". Of course I played along but I didn't have a clue who Eric was. When Mommy got home, she informed me that Eric is Ariels' significant other.... DUH - seems you can even learn from a toddler. Now get started on those words.....

Blended Families

Today is Gommy's step-sons twenty-sixth birthday. Happy Birthday Michael. That is what we call him now that he is a grown up man. When he was little, we called him Mikey. I first met 'Mikey' when he was two years old. He was wearing a little blue suit with a cute little bow-tie and shorts instead of long pants. He was the cutest little guy. Time flies, as they say, and he now has a little girl of his own.

The dynamic of a blended family is very complex. In Gommys' case, my children were 8, 11, and 12 and my husbands' son, Mikey, was 2. Ours was a complicated start. I was a young widow and my husband Mike was recently divorced. I think it is somehow easier on the children, if that is possible, when the parents are divorced. I say that because when a parent dies, there is more of a loyalty factor involved. I used to say that if I had even married a Rock Star, he wouldn't have been welcomed into the family any easier.

I have come to realize (you know the ole' 20/20 hindsight) that I could have handled everything much better than I did. To my defense, this was over 24 years ago and I wasn't privy to all the 'self help' books available now. There weren't as many blended families back then and there are many more resources to help families navigate those waters since the divorce rate has since sky-rocketed. When my son Terry was about 8, I can remember one of his teachers telling me she had called him up to her desk one day. This was before we lost his father in a car accident. Anyway, the teacher wanted to write me a note to send home with Terry and she asked if he had the same name as his mother. What she meant was his last name. Terry wasn't aware of divorce or loss at that time and he answered, "No, her name is Shirlee". Gommy still laughs when I think of that story.

The biggest mistake Gommy made was trying not to take sides because of the 'guilt factor'. I felt if I took the kids side, I was being disloyal to my new husband. And on the reverse side, if I were to take my husbands' side, I was being disloyal to the children. By not just letting the two 'sides' go at it themselves, I was actually prolonging the agony. Each member of the family has to work out their relationship with each other. You can't make anyone get along or like the other person. They have to do that themselves and it takes years of trusting each other and by just getting used to the whole new family. If anyone out there thinks it is all one big happy family from the very beginning......think again.

In our family's case, we all ended up loving one another but it did take several years. I have since read that the usual time for a blended family to settle in with each other is seven years. SEVEN YEARS!!!! Most people give up way before the time it takes to make it through the rough times. But anything worth having is worth working on and working out. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger......Boy, are we ever strong......I can remember saying that if I had been the one that had come into a family that had lost their parent, I would have been a 'chicken' and told my husband, "I'll see you when the kids are grown and out of the house!" I have to give my husband a lot of credit for sticking with me through all the 'stuff' he had to go through. Thank you Mike.

Anyway, all is well now and little 'Mikey' is twenty-six today. Gommy and Grandpa Mike are so blessed to have five 'blended' grandchildren and we are thankful every day for the health and happiness we all enjoy. Thank you God.

Character

Gommy wants to talk about character today. There are quite a few 'characters' out there in the world, but very few of them HAVE good character. Gommy is talking about the 'good ole' sort of character. The kind our parents were lucky enough to have known and shown. The kind where your word is your bond - you would never steal anything (even paperclips from work) - lying wasn't automatic - you would never be late for work - calling in sick was only if you were 'really' sick........do you get the gist of where this is going?

Yesterday was a happy/sad day for Gommy. My son Terry would have been 39 yesterday. I say happy/sad because I was sad to think of my son not being with us any longer but I was happy about so many memories I have of Terry. Terry was only 22 when he died, but he was certainly a man of character. I was pleasantly surprised this year to receive (through my daughter Tracey) an email to her from a soldier Terry was in the Army Rangers with. Talk about character???? You better have some character to be an Army Ranger. The lives of your fellow soldiers depend on your having some pretty awesome 'character'. The email was to let my daughter Tracey know that although she didn't know this soldier, he was in the service with Terry. He was a lawyer now in one of the Carolina's and that he just wanted her to know that her brother was a totally honorable, trusted, heroic man and that this soldier tried every day to be as good a man as Terry was. Now, do you think Gommy felt proud?????? You betcha.

Now another time Gommy was made to feel really proud was just a few weeks ago. My daughter Tiffany also died in the same car accident with my son Terry. One day I was looking at my Facebook site and noticed a picture on someone else's site with Tiffany in it. I 'tagged' the photo with Tiff's name. The lady wrote me back that she was a friend of Tiffs' and loved Tiff so much when they went to school together and she still has pictures of Tiff in her house. She has even told her little girl all about what a special person Tiffany was. Wow...these nice words really make a mom feel great.

My daughter Tracey makes me proud every day. She is a wonderful daughter, wife and now mother to the smartest, cutest and most special two children in the world...oops, I have to watch myself when I go off like that. But Tracey (and her husband Johnny) are really making a pointed effort to raise good children who are going to be future fellow citizens out in this crazy world. I feel very proud because they 'get it'. They don't just get up every day and go though the 'grind'. They think about how everything they do is going to affect the children. They are already seriously planning the childrens' education and the children are only two and a half and five months old. They 'get it' that good people don't just happen, they are 'reared' and that it takes thought and planning. It is so important to raise children thoughtfully or you will end up with them being grown 'people without character' and we already have plenty of those thank you.

Well, enough of Gommy bragging. But remember this.....it is easy to look like you have good character when everything is going great. It is a bit harder to keep that good character when everything seems to be falling down all around you. But that is the true measure of a good person. When you can keep your word about something you promised, (even if something else more fun comes along) or you are still kind to people even when your own world seems to be crumbling (remember it isn't their fault so don't take it out on anyone else), or you can be happy for someone else's good fortune even if you feel you aren't having any good luck yourself, etc. That is how you can keep track of how you are doing in the 'good character' department. So, Gommy says to try to start today by practicing to be a 'good character'. It takes a concerted effort but after a time you will find that it is really worth it. You will feel so much better about yourself. Go on, try it...............Gommy is pulling for you!

Relationships

Hello to all! Guess what Gommy is going to talk about today? Can't guess? Okay, it is about relationships. Now, there are all sorts of relationships, i.e., mother and child, siblings, boss and employee, friend to friend, etc. But Gommy is talking about the relationship between a man and a woman for this piece today. Sometimes the relationship is between a girl and a boy when it is 'young love'. Ahhhhhhhhhh, remember that feeling when you first become attracted to that special someone? Those butterflies in your stomach when you think of them, that seeing your special one through a misty, rose-colored glow? When you are away from them, you envision them in slo-motion, running towards you with the anticipation of pure bliss. Everything they say and do is just wonderful. They are the funniest person in the whole, wide world. They are the smartest person in the whole, wide world. You can't get enough of them, you want to talk to them all the time and be with them all the time. When you aren't with them, you are constantly thinking about them and can't wait until you are together again.


WAIT! Where did those feelings disappear to? What the heck happened to all those butterflies -
those ten-thousand volts of emotions we were feeling all the time? Does your partner wonder where all those wonderful feelings went as well? Gommy thinks it is something called 'Familiarity'. My mother used to say "Familiarity breeds contempt". What I think that means is the more you are with someone; be it a friend, sibling, a spouse or significant other, the more probable it is that they begin to irk you. The very same things that we found so adorable at first, now becomes grating......You know, like that loud 'blinking'.

They say there is a 'lid for every pot'. And when you look around, it does seem that is true. Think about your own circle of friends. I will venture to say there are very few of your friends significant others that you can imagine yourself with as their "lid". You probably aren't on anyones' short list either, so don't get too smug.

Relationships are similar to anything worth having and nurturing in our lives. They take work. Lots of work. If you just let it be, it will die like a house plant that you forgot to water. Gommy thinks one of the major things that happen with a relationship is that when two people decide to spend the rest of their lives together they are each under a HUGE misconception. That being in the case of the woman, she thinks she will be able to change anything that she finds annoying about her man once they get married. In the case of the man, he thinks his lovely, wonderful woman is never going to change how she takes care of him and laughs at his every remark. WRONG....... the man is never going to change......NEVER! And the woman is going to change daily, weekly and sometimes hourly. Sorry girls, but we know that is true. So how do we expect to be the same twinkle-toed, dewey-eyed lovers we once were? WORK, WORK, WORK on it every day. Make the person you are with the most important thing in your life. Your children are your priority when they are little, but they will leave you some day to have their own life and they won't want you around as much any longer. Your mate is just that....your mate. That means you and your partner are a team that are meant to be together for as long as you live. You get what you give, so if you give less than you should, that is what you are going to get in return. Don't ever put them down in front of anyone else. You wouldn't like it if they use you to be the brunt of a joke, so don't do it to them. Don't complain about your partner to anyone elese either because your 'friend', who you have taken into your 'confidence' is usually telling their spouse and they will just 'have' to let your partner in on it somehow.

So, everyone just start to think of how you would like to be treated and start treating your spouse that way. You may not notice anything at first, but it will pay off in the very foreseeable furture. And after awhile, it will be the way you act normally and you may just get back some of those ten-thousand volts......well, maybe a hundred or so....

Good Luck to all you lovebirds out there.....

Forgiveness and Forgiving

Well, it's Sunday again and Gommy's spiritual side is awake and up and at it.....Today, I want to talk about forgiving and forgiveness. It may sound like a pretty cut and dried subject but it can be a very tricky and sticky subject.

When someone forgives us, it is an easy gesture to accept and we can feel like a 'ton of bricks' has been lifted off of our backs ( or our conscience in some cases). Depending on the reason for being forgiven, it can actually change a persons' life. We can accept the persons' forgiveness gracefully or we can be smug about it by feeling we didn't really have all that much to be forgiven for.

Now the forgiving of someone or something can be a lot tougher to be so gracious about. We humans tend to hold onto our grudges like little bundles of hate, for lifetimes in some instances. I have been guilty in the past of holding onto my feelings of hurt over a misunderstanding or something someone did for way too long. After a time, although most won't admit it, we actually forget what we were so mad about but we still hold the grudge. What must we be thinking? It takes so much energy to keep harboring such animosity.

Gommy has come to the conclusion that when someone hurts us, we feel we must protect ourselves or our self-image (ego) of ourselves, so we just cut off all connections with the person who 'did us wrong'. If it is a family member, we may do this by sabotaging them 'emotionally'. They may not even know it, but WE sure do.....But holding a grudge is really much harder on the 'holder' than the 'holdee'. The person you are upset with usually just goes along their merry way and never gives you or the instance another thought. While the 'holder' of the grudge stays angry, upset, hurt and nurtures their grudge and protects it and holds onto it for dear life. Why? Who is being hurt by the whole instance?????

But Gommy also has thought about this for some time and realizes that the reason people get to the point that they are holding the grudge in the first place must be that they feel their self-worth was attacked. For instance: If someone doesn't ask you to a certain family function, or says something nasty about you, or didn't reply to an invitation you gave them, or you feel they didn't keep in touch with you like you thought they should have over the years, it makes you feel you have to defend yourself and your sense of yourself. You feel 'attacked' and you must 'defend' your sense of being 'right'. But is it more important to be 'right' or to be happy? Many people are insecure and it doesn't take very much to peel off the protective 'scab' we put on our 'social faces'. It really boils down to our not being able to feel good about ourselves when we allow someone else's' opinion or point of view or whatever it was that upset us to have an impact on our life. Gommy says, everyone gets one life to be the boss over. You don't get to be the 'boss of me' and I don't get to be the 'boss of you'. What I mean by that is that everyone should just keeps their noses (politics, religion, child-rearing practices, etc.) to themselves and let people make their own mistakes and make their own minds up about their politics and religion or how they raise their family. Believe me, everyone will get along much better if you try it.

I finally learned over the years it is best to let go of the grudge and forgive. And much to my surprise, I found in the end, the person I was doing the biggest favor in the whole she-bang was ME!!!!! The instant I forgave the other person, POOF....I felt as light as air. Now you don't even have to tell the other person you forgive them. Many times they don't even live close to you anymore or they may even be dead and gone! It really isn't about the other person anyway, it is about letting go of our own useless emtional baggage. Just the act of letting it go is so freeing that it makes you realize how futile the whole thing was in the first place. I have actually re-connected with a few people I had been missing over the years by just telling them I was sorry about the whole thing and let's just start off on 'square one' again....It is nice to have friends, even ones you thought were lost.

So let's start to try to mind our own bees-wax and live and let live. There is usually enough going on in all of our lives to manage without trying to manage someone else's life!!! Or put another way, let's just "forgive and forget" whatever was bugging us......Happy Sunday ((*.*))

Advice

Gommy was thinking about what I would write about today and thought of the subject of 'advice'. Gommy would love to be the next "Dear Gommy" advice columnist like the well-known and respected 'Dear Ann' or 'Dear Abby' of newspaper fame. Gommy got to thinking about the actual word 'advice'. The definition comes from the Latin - vis - which means 'see' or 'seem' or translated to the word 'advice' - 'to seem', as in what would 'seem' to be a better choice. A word that is related to 'advice' is 'ad-vis-able. Used in a sentence it would be; "The doctor doesn't think it is 'advisable' to take this medication." Meaning it doesn't seem to be a good choice.

Advice is a tricky position to tackle. If you offer your advice, as in, "If you want my advice.", and the other person hasn't asked for it, the actual answer from whomever you are talking to is most often - No thanks! And advice that is asked for is rarely ever really wanted. I know, Gommy said 'asked for'. But what usually happens when someone asks for your 'advice' is they really just want you to agree with their point of view. You must be very careful before you give your advice because we are all guilty of giving advice based on our own biased opinion. What we do is project our own feelings or experiences onto the scenario of the persons' predicament who is asking for advice. That rarely works because everyone has their own 'stuff' going on and what would work for one person doesn't necessarily translate to being the right way to handle something for another person.

That is why the newspaper advice columns did so well in answering questions they received from strangers. There was less bias involved precisely because the columnists didn't know the questioner. They may have had some of their own 'stuff' going on in their answers, but not knowing the person asking, they could answer more objectively.

Being human, it is hard to answer a request for advice with complete objectivity. If the person asking is a relative or close friend, the question may be answered to the benefit of the person who is being 'questioned' and not for the benefit of the persons asking for the advice. Example: A person is asked, by a friend, what they should do about a certain male they are interested in. The 'questioned' one may be afraid that their friend wouldn't have as much time with them any longer if they become involved with someone so they advise against getting involved with the male they are asking about. Or, they may just be jealous of the friends' attraction to someone else. That may sound funny, but there are many people out there who are very jealous of other peoples' stuff, looks, family dynamic, careers, children, etc. So be careful who you ask 'advice' from and be even more careful of giving 'advice' so that you are answering in a way that is really right for the other person.

So, if you want Gommy's advice........keep reading my blogs. I'm full of it... (advice I mean)!!

Southern Hospitality

Gommy wants to talk about Southern hospitality today. My husband is from Memphis, Tennessee and we moved there about ten years ago. We lived in a rural community the latter part of the ten years we spent there. When we first moved to the area, we hadn't found a home yet and needed a mail-box to have our mail sent to until we had a permanent address. The first glimpse I had of Southern hospitality was when Gommy went to the Post Office. I went up to the clerk and asked for a mailbox. She was so sweet that it threw me for a minute. Then after filling out the needed paperwork, she gave me my assigned box. The next thing that happened really floored me. She asked me if I would like her to come out of her window area and show me where my mailbox was.......WOW !!!! I looked at her in dismay and asked, "Is this the United States of America Post Office?" I had always heard of the the government workers at the Post Office going 'postal' on you and this was certainly above and beyond anything I had ever experienced in any post office. Another postal story is that Gommy would often need to send something and not know how much postage to put on the package and I would just write a note attached to the package and the next day there would be an envelope with the amount it had cost in my mailbox. What a concept!!! To be trusted by a government employee.

Another area you notice Southern hospitality is at the grocery store. When someone accidentally bumps into you with their cart, they actually apologise to you. Now, in South Florida you are lucky to not get sued for being carted from behind!!!!! Kids are also more polite in the South. I remember my step-son lived with us for part of the year and in Chicago the other part of the year. When he stayed with us in Tennessee, he was expected to say "Sir' and 'Ma'am' and to call his elders by their proper title, i.e. Mr. Tommy or Miss Molly or yes sir and no ma'am. It just makes everything so nice to have and be shown respect and it teaches the children that they SHOULD respect their elders and their fellow neighbor.

People are also much more friendly in the deep South. Many people nod (showing they acknowledge you) if nothing else when you walk by them. Most will speak to you and wish you good morning, afternoon or evening. Southerners will always offer to share a meal with them at their home. They may just have enough for their own family but that will never stop them from offering to share with you. Another Southern saying is "appreciate it". That is said when you do something for them, even if is just take their money for the gas they are about to pump themselves.

Even the ladies at the drive-up window at the bank are friendly. We got so friendly with our tellers that they always asked about our family and if we had any pictures to share with them of the grandchildren. I used to bring cookies or goodies to them at holidays. They were very sad when they learned we were moving back to Florida but they were genuinely happy for us. There are just no two ways about it......it is just friendlier down South. Heck, even our insurance lady would call us to remind us that a payment was coming up soon.....Did you ever??????

I guess it is the gentleness of the people that is most noticeable. I love that there are people in the world who still want to share a story, a meal or just or a smile with you. I will always miss the great friends I met while we lived in Tennessee, but I will miss the good ole' Southern Hospitality the very most.

Talking and Listening and Consequences

Gommy was thinking today about the art of listening. I have noticed many people don't always listen as well as they talk. My Dad used to say that God gave us two ears and one mouth....DUH...that should be a hint that we should listen more than we talk. Just today, I was relaying a thought to someone and before I had the chance to finish, they were already talking about what they wanted to say. It is like their story was more important than my story. Maybe it is, but politeness mandates that we don't or shouldn't interrupt someone until they are finished talking.

We should start when our children are young and teach them not to interrupt. I notice quite often, that the kids of today aren't schooled in basic manners. No matter how often a mom or dad ignore the kid when they interrupt, they continue to do so. Maybe that is the problem. Everyone is talking over everyone else and it may just be that the parent should stop talking themselves and immediately correct the child on the spot. There doesn't seem to be any boundaries being set for the children of today. An incident happened at my work a while ago that proves to Gommy that children are being brought up today to not expect any consequences for their behavior. Example: a little boy came in to the store where I was working with his mom, dad and sister. The little boy was around 3 and the sister was probably 4. The little boy asked for a chocolate-covered pretzel and the mom asked pointedly, "Are you sure this is what you want?" She apparently has gone down that road way too many times before. The little boy said he was sure. Then the sister got a daisy-shaped lollipop and that is when the stuff started flying. The little boy said he didn't want his half-eaten pretzel any longer and wanted a daisy lollipop like his sister had instead. The Mom tried (in her defense) to explain to her son that he had made his choice and that is when he started wailing.....The dad said, "What's the matter buddy?" and when the little boy said he wanted the lollipop instead, the father said for the mom to get it for him. Now, you can call Gommy old fashioned, but I would have handled it differently. Gommy would have gently explained to 'Little Tommy" that he had made his choice and although I understand that he may not be happy about it right now, the next time he would probably take his time before making a decision. And that taking his time would help him make sure he would be more happy about his decision. No consequences, no sweat! Right? What did the little boy learn from his experience? He learned that it doesn't matter if he makes a wrong decision because he can just get something else anyway. We must learn at an early age that 'money doesn't grow on trees" as my mom used to say.



Now back to listening. Sometimes we anticipate what someone is going to say and jump in and can be completely wrong about what the person was going to say. Gommy has been guilty of that herself in the past and I am glad that someone brought it to my attention. I try to be more careful to make sure the person has finished their train of thought now before I answer. It is just a part of using our manners. Manners and politeness have sadly gone out of 'style'. Maybe they will return someday. Gommy hopes she is still around to see it. I'll sure be 'listening' for it......

Obnoxious People

I know most of us have dealt with obnoxious people at one time or another. Some of us may have even been obnoxious from time to time ourselves. Hopefully, we were able to correct ourselves, but sadly, that isn't usually the case. This got Gommy to wondering why and how some people become obnoxious. I know we aren't born that way....it is definitely a learned behavior. Maybe it was learned from generation to generation if a parent was obnoxious. Gommy feels the more obnoxious a person is, the less secure they are in their own skin. The obnoxious one (hereinafter referred to as the "OO") tries to cover up his/her own insecurities by always making the grand entrance or being louder than everyone in the group or having to have the very 'best' of everything to validate that they are indeed the 'best'. The "OO" always seems to have to one-up every career, conversation, vacation story, parenting skills, etc. It is ironic, but it usually works because many people are insecure enough themselves that they can be bowled over by a very strong personality. It takes a pretty secure person to back-talk an "OO". If you notice among your own family - and don't we all have a few "OO"'s in every family? - there is always an Uncle, Aunt, sibling or cousin that makes it uncomfortable at family gatherings and make you wish you weren't from that 'clan'. They even make movies about Christmas time relatives that you wish never came to visit.

Most aggressive people don't even notice when they are offending and if they do, they don't care anyway. A large part of being obnoxious is not caring if you offend because you are so into 'you' that you don't realize there are other people with their own feelings that even exist. It is the "All About Me" saga that never ends.

It should be said that the "OO" is to be pitied actually. It must be a very frightening life to have to mask your every move or thought, so that your true 'you' isn't discovered. I wonder why the people who are closest to the "OO" don't give them a reality check. It has to be a dreadful existence to have to live with an "OO". I have noticed that most partners of "OO"'s are usually quite nice. You'd think some of the nasty would rub off but it doesn't seem as though it does.

Just last night, I was working at my job at a candy store and a man who was obviously an "OO" came in with a scowl on his face and a nice woman came in with him. First, may I say that anyone who can't be happy in a candy store may as well pack it in. If candy doesn't make you feel good, what on earth will? After greeting them and welcoming them as we always do at the store, he started the conversation by pointing, on his side of the glass case, to what he wanted. I couldn't see what he was pointing to and I inquired if it were a certain candy. He was aggravated that I couldn't read his mind, but it was a good thing he couldn't read Gommys' mind at that moment. Then he ordered a cashew cluster and I inquired if he wanted it in 'dark' or 'milk' chocolate. He answered (growled to be precise) 'milk'. Then he ordered a pecan cluster and when I asked which type of chocolate again......he almost shouted at me that all of his choices would be 'milk'!!!!! I thanked him and said that would make it easier.... and he stormed out....leaving the nice lady to finish up. She just smiled and finished the order like any sane person would. Now, even though she was nice, Gommy feels she was actually an 'enabler'. She enables this nasty man to be rude to everyone he comes in contact with, while she remains behind and appears to be the nice one. Maybe that is their dynamic....he gets to be nasty and she gets to appear to be the nice one.....They each get what they want and anyone who comes into contact with them are on their own!!! Maybe that is how the 'good cop/bad cop' got its' start.....Go figure!

All in all, Gommy says that if you ever find yourself even becoming mildly like an "OO", stop yourself immediately before any nasty habits grab hold of you and you stay that way. Remember that when you are trying to be the 'star' of the show you are not earning any gold stars from anyone. People may act polite to you but they really cringe when they think of spending any time with you. It is an impossible situation when it is a boss that doesn't know how to handle authority. It can make life unbearable and many times the employee needs their job and they just have to put up with it. How sad.

So to all the people out there who try their best every day to be nice.....kudos to you. And to all those "OO"'s out there who may or may not know they are poops.....boo to you. You know better than that. Gommy says straighten up!!!!!

Giving

Gommy wants to share her thoughts about 'giving' today. Today is Sunday and many people go to church and 'give' or offer their tithe in the collection plate and feel as if that is it for the week. They feel they have completed their obligation of giving. Gommy thinks giving should take place every day. Now, you may be saying that in these times, you don't have much left to give after your weekly tithe at church. But giving doesn't have to be money necessarily. You can give a friend some of your time if they need a hand with something, or you could watch someones' child for them so they can get out and go to the store, you could check on or bring a meal to an elderly neighbor, or even a kind word and a smile is something valuable to give away. I have found that the more you give, the more that comes back to you. On the flip side, if you are giving out negative vibes, you will get that back as well. That is the way the universe operates.

I remember reading a story once about a farmer who won the blue ribbon for his corn each year at the county fair. A reporter was interviewing him one time and said he had heard that the farmer gave his prized seed to his neighbors every season. The reporter asked the farmer, "How can you take a chance that one of your neighbors won't win the blue ribbon when you give them your best seed corn each year?" The farmer told the reporter that if his neighbors planted inferior seed, the bees and the birds would eat from their crops and carry it over to his fields and contaminate his cornfields. The moral is; everyone has to do well if you want to do well yourself. You don't take anything away from yourself by wishing others well.

I can remember my daughter Tracey telling me, when she was quite young, that 'a giving purse is never empty.' I don't know where she learned of that wonderful piece of information, but I am sure glad she taught it to me. I am always amazed how much you can learn from your children. Just because we are the parents, it doesn't mean we automatically know everything. Our children are full of wondrous gems of wisdom, if we just listen to them.

My husband and I owned a golf course at one time. Over the years, there were several people who volunteered their time to help us. We never could have done all we did without the gift of their time. The help they gave was invaluable. The remarkable thing was they volunteered their time and help without expecting anything in return. That is true giving.

There is a story in the Bible about a woman who has very little and another person who is quite wealthy. The story goes that the pittance the woman gave is more appreciated than all the wealthy person gave. In another story, the lesson is that it will be easier for the wealthy man to get through the eye of a needle than to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. I take that to mean that the more one has, the more they feel entitled and forget that it by the grace of God that we have what we have. I think what the stories illustrate is that the 'meek' are more grateful for the grace they receive. And I don't think 'meek' means timid. I think it means 'humble'. The more humble you are, the more grateful you are. As in, "The meek shall inherit the Earth."

I have always loved buying gifts for people. I would see something while I was out shopping and think this or that person would love it. I had more fun at Christmas time buying for people than opening the gifts I received. Not that I wasn't grateful, but there is something about giving that is so rewarding. There is something to the saying, "It is better to give than to receive."

So, Gommy suggests that you try giving this week. Even if it is a smile or a compliment to a perfect stranger. You'll be surprised how good you will feel about yourself too. Think of it as a gift to yourself!

Karma, Dharma and Universal Laws

Hello everyone. Gommy is going to talk about Spiritual topics today. Wait....don't go away!!!! Just read on. It may surprise you. Now, I would not consider myself to be a very religious person. I have always said my religion was 'a visitor', because I went to so many different kinds of churches and even a few synagogues while I was growing up. But after losing a husband in a car accident at a very young age (34), and was left to raise 3 young children, ages 12, 11 and 8 and then nine years later, losing 2 of those children (Terry and Tiffany - aged 22 & 17 respectfully) in a car accident, I went to several churches searching for answers and was still left looking for answers and being very bewildered on so many levels. The same thing happened each time I went to a new church. I would sit in the back pew and expect someone, anyone, to come up to me and give me the answers I was looking for. Guess what? It didn't happen. It reminds me of a story I once heard of a wise old man who was sitting at the edge of a town and a traveler comes up to him and asked what sort of people live in the town. The old man asked what kind of person the traveler was and the traveler explains that he is a loner and doesn't like to mingle with people. The old man assures the traveler that that is exactly the sort of people in the town. Then another traveler comes along and asks the same thing to the old man and when the old man inquires what sort of person this traveler is, the traveler says he is a fun-loving guy who loves to be with people. The old man assures this traveler that that is exactly the sort of people in the town. The moral is; you get what you give. I was expecting a different outcome at each of the churches I went to, but the reality is I brought the same person to each facility (me).



Although I don't have formal religious roots, I do believe in God or Divine Intelligence or Being or whatever it is you feel comfortable with calling God . What I have come to believe is that God doesn't have hang-ups about what you call Him. He is not petty. I also believe that there is more than one path to God. Just like the streams and rivers empty into the Ocean....there are many paths to God. I think churches are good places for people to gather to do good and pray but I don't feel it is necessarily the only way to speak with God. I find it hard to believe that God will not allow you into His Kingdom if you don't belong to Church A or Church B or Synagogue C or Mosque D.....and I think it is insulting to God to expect us to not love another person because of his or her beliefs, color of his skin, politics, etc. Aren't we ALL Gods' children? If that is so, how can some of His children be good and others not; just because of their race, creed or any other difference? How would someone feel if one of their own children were not liked because they were different in some way? I, for one, as a parent, would not like it one little bit....



Now for the Karma and Dharma and Universal Laws topics. The Karma aspect is that I fully believe that what you do in life, whether it be good or bad, does come back to you. In church language, it is 'reaping and sowing', in Eastern civilization language, it is referred to as Karma. Whether you are religious or not or whether you believe in it or not, it does exist. Even scientists know there are universal laws that control the entire world that we live in. If you drop an apple, it falls to the ground through the 'law of gravity'. People understand that law because you can see it happening. It may be harder to grasp the laws that you can't see. But scientists are now understanding things differently than they did before. They know that we have come so far in discovering things through quantum physics and MRI's, radio waves, cell phone technology, and super microscopes that allow us to see things we never could before. We can actually see atoms and even human cells and DNA through these microscopes now. We know now that information we put out over the Ethernet in the form of our emails, twitters, cell phone conversations, etc. stays there out forever. We know that because it can be and is retrieved long after we have forgotten all about it. Energy doesn't ever disappear, it just changes forms. So, remember to be good and kind, if that is what you want to receive back. Like my Dad used to say, "Don't spit in the wind!" That is, unless you want it to come back in your face.



Now for Dharma. Dharma is when you find your perfect place in life. You are in the 'zone'. And you know that you have found it because you are in harmony with life and you are truly happy and everything is good. It is like a musician. They love, love, love what they do. It is in their blood and they HAVE to play their instrument or write or sing their songs . By being exactly in their 'true place in life' they are enjoying what they do and they are also giving pleasure to those who hear them and they end up making copious amounts of money at the same time. A way to find out if you have found Dharma is to close your eyes and think about what you do for your lifes' work. If you feel good about it and it gives you great pleasure and you can't wait to get back to your job, that's it!!! If you feel like you would never go back to your job if you didn't need the income, then you have not found your Dharma....



The Universal Law topic is really cut and dry. You don't have to believe it.....it will keep on ruling the world we live in whether you do or you don't. That is the law. If there weren't Universal Laws, the oceans wouldn't ebb and flow, there wouldn't be good and bad, rain and sunshine, or the seasons of each year. God has planned everything and it is perfection. Look up "Universal Laws" sometime and you will understand how perfectly everything is in place so we can enjoy all we do here on Earth.



That's it for today. Gommy is enjoying a beautiful day with hubby. We happened to both get the day off, which hardly ever happens. We went to the beach this morning and now while I write my Gommy's Goodies piece, hubby is in the recliner doing his 'finger exercises' with the remote. Later, it is out to a good dinner and being couch potaotes tonight. Life IS good. Hope everyone gets to find their Dharma or in todays' terms, their "MOJO" - Toodle-ooo

Work Ethic

Work ethic refers to how you SHOULD handle yourself at work. You are representing the company you work for and you should act as you would like someone to act at a company you owned yourself. It's amazing to observe how different someone works at a job they have and then see them at their own business, should they open one. Work ethic also refers to being on time for work and doing your very best while you are at work. It means that you should give your boss a good days work for the the money you 'earn'. It means that you shouldn't waste time and shrug your duties for your job description.

With the times being so uncertain and the harsh economic times we are in, you'd think people would be more appreciative of their jobs and try to assure that they keep them. It may just be that the job force has become so complacent and lazy that they don't realize that 'cream rises to the top' and they are on very shaky ground when it comes to who will get the axe when it comes time that a company may have to downsize.

It used to be the norm to expect to be greeted by an employee of a store when you entered. One very big company that started in the early 1900's even used the tag "satisfaction guaranteed or your money back." That sentiment meant satisfaction in how you were treated as a customer as well. The whole idea is that people have a variety of places out there in 'consumer-land' where they can spend their money and they should be treated as a very special guest when they shop at a store. They don't even have to leave their homes any longer to shop the way online shopping has taken off. If there is no loyalty felt by the customer to a store or a clerk at a store, they will go next door or down the street to shop. You must make that customer feel important and show them that they are appreciated every time they walk in the store. I used to own a restaurant and no customer ever entered without being recognized and greeted. After a time, we got to know the many who frequently ate with us. We would inquire about a vacation they had recently taken or how their children or grandchildren were doing. We would ask about their job or how their business was doing. The point being; everyone wants to feel important. Just look at the gossip shows and magazines and paparazzi followers. Every schmoo wants to be famous, even if it is for their 'fifteen minutes'.

I have experienced myself, waiting to pay for an item and having the person not even look up when they scanned my credit card, or heaven forbid, they should thank me for shopping with them! Or even worse, they are talking to another co-worker about their date last night or complaining about something happening at work and it is as if you don't even exist....WOW....how have we gotten to this degree of rudeness? It almost seems that the customer is interrupting the worker and they make you feel as if you are imposing on them.

How about this....we go back to being polite to each other? It doesn't take any more time to smile and inquire how someone is doing today, where they are from, or just thanking someone and looking them in the eye when you do. Now I know there are jerks out there everywhere that will make it seem like it is futile, but I have found that even jerks respond when you are nice to them. Not always, but most of the time. Some people are so used to being in their own little mean world they are startled at first when another human being reaches out and says something nice to them. It is not too late to give it a try. Start small by smiling at people. They will usually smile back and if nothing else happens from that exchange, it will put out some good vibrations into the Universe, instead of the junk that is being put out there now.

I was taught something very valuable by my daughter Tiffany. Tiffany died when she was only seventeen in a car accident. But she was far and away a very special girl that was way beyond her years. She was such a delight and had the most beautiful smile and disposition. The thing Tiff taught me was to not keep a nice thing or thought to yourself about someone. For instance; if someone looks nice or is wearing a pretty blouse, dress, pin, necklace, etc. or their hair looks good, don't keep that thought to yourself. Tell the person. It may just make their day. Tiff was always doing that and I try to do that every time it is applicable. I don't just say something I don't mean because that would be fake and the person could feel that. I can't even tell you the times I have known in my heart that it really did make the other person feel great and quite a few times, I could sense that it was probably the nicest thing that had happened to them in some time. Like I said earlier, it doesn't take anything away from you and it isn't any harder to be nice to someone. Try it....it may just make you feel better about yourself too.

Use a 'Filter"....for crying out loud!

Today Gommy is going to talk about filters....not the kind you use on your car....the kind you should implement and engage from your brain to your mouth, before saying whatever is on your mind. Some people may think of this as being 'stifled' or allowing others to boss you around or even that you don't have a say in your own life. I prefer to think of it as a protective habit to use to insure that you don't hurt yourself or others with words that cannot be taken back.

For example; say a friend at work tells you something in confidence and it is something about another co-worker who you actually like better....quick....'filter' yourself. Or another word might be to 'process' all the information and don't act on it or give your opinion right away.....A good thing to say so you can 'buy' yourself some time is "Ahhhhh, really?" This is noncommittal and the gossiper actually thinks you are agreeing with them. Strange how that always works that way. People think they are right and of course you must be agreeing with them, even though you are only saying, 'ahhh, really?' Another example would be when your spouse or anyone is verbally attacking you; just don't answer right away (filtering again) and if you give them enough space between their yelling, they usually can see how irrational they sound. It is really amazing how when you don't escalate the disagreement by verbalizing your defense or opinion of the issue, it diffuses the other persons' tantrum. Try it, it works. Remember, it takes two to argue and if you don't answer, game over....

Now, Gommy had to learn this the hard way. It didn't just come naturally. I can't tell you how many emails I have flipped off and then immediately regretted it and wished I could retrieve it from the Ethernet....Or times I have said something I realized was hurtful and being stupidly stubborn, couldn't get myself to apologise and just left it sitting there going stinky in the air between someone I really cared about and myself. There have also been too many instances where I was dead wrong about an issue and at the time, no one could have told me I was wrong....Hindsight is always 20/20. Most people just don't ever own up to being wrong and the bad blood just gets worse and worse.

I recently had an incident that really befuddled me. I thought I was doing everything I could to help someone at the time and another person told tales on me to try to make me look like the baddie. I fell in the trap of becoming defensive (it's soooo easy to do) and when I finally just told myself, "Self, just let it go. You know what you did and what your intentions were.", everything turned out okay and I was vindicated. If I would have continued with the protesting, I would have looked like the Shakespear saying, "The Lady doth protest too much, methinks!" He meant that if you really didn't do anything wrong, quit defending yourself and if you did do it, you are proving your guilt by continuing to try to persuade everyone that you are innocent. And low and behold, just by letting it lie there without any futher attention to the issue, it just went away. And in the meantime, the other person apologised to me (sort of) for the 'misunderstanding'. I really did learn a good 'life lesson' with that one. Just keep doing what is right and all will be well.

Gratitude

Today, Gommy is going to talk about gratitude. A few short years ago, I was in the middle of a very tough financial period of my life. My husband and I owned a golf course and we were working crazy long hours and had used all of our funds in trying to make it work. The economy finally made our decision for us and we had to give it up. During the most scary time, when it was obvious we were going to lose everything, I just couldn't bring myself to fight it anymore and one morning, I literally fell to the floor, got on my knees and asked God to please take over. We had certainly done everything we could think of. When things get really bad, we all usually call out for Gods' help. Even if we aren't religious. Even the worse kind of criminal cries out for God when they are afraid......So I just said, "Please God, I can't do this anymore. Take over for us and I will do whatever is your will for us. Please guide us in the right direction." He did and I can't put in words the relief it was to know that I wasn't in control any longer. It was like I had been going upstream in a canoe, fighting hard to get somewhere and when I let go of the oars, I just coasted along wherever the 'flow' was taking me. Wheeeeee!



Now, the gratitude part comes in because I cannot express how grateful I am now for EVERYTHING in my life. What I used to think was 'everything' was actually just 'things'. What I learned from my 'financial ruin' was that it was actually a gift. I would never have come to realize that I am alright afterall and having gone through all I did, I am still the same person now that I was when I had lots of things and lots of money. Only now, I am grateful for the smallest of things. I thank God every day for my family and for the bed I sleep on at night, for the roof over my head, the food I eat, the sunshine or the rain, the car I drive to the job I am grateful for having....I could go on, but the point is that I was never consciously thankful before - I guess I just expected those things in my life to be there through some sort of entitlement. I think many people are under that wrong assumption. I have come to understand that everything we all have, eat and enjoy in our lives are given to us through the grace of God. I never understood the word 'grace' before either. Grace is something we are given and not something we have earned. I can remember seeing people out at restaurants, bowing their heads, giving thanks for the meal they were about to eat and thinking they were odd in some way. I realize now that they were way ahead of me in knowing that they should be grateful and they should give thanks. It actually feels wonderful when you give thanks for something you didn't earn or could never earn. It is the feeling of real gratitude. It is like the unconditional love a parent has for their child. It is Gods' unconditional love for his children. I can imagine that some who are reading this right now think I must be some religious zealot....I am not. I am just a person who went through a rough time and asked God for help and He helped me...'Ask, believe, receive.' Try it sometime. It works! God Bless.....

Homemade Spaghetti Sauce

Today, Gommy is going to give you the most delicious recipe for spaghetti sauce you will ever make. I can remember visiting my Aunt Susie during my summers in Detroit. Aunt Susie was married to my dads' brother, Uncle Pete. Dad and Uncle Pete came over from the 'old country' (Italy in their case) in the early 1900's. Even though I am exactly half Italian on my dads' side and exactly half Irish on my moms' side, I always gravitated to the Italian part of me when it came to food. I just love spaghetti, pizza, lasagna.....but who doesn't really? When we drove up the driveway at Aunt Susie and Uncle Petes', we could smell wonderful aromas coming from her basement kitchen window. Aunt Susie was under five feet tall so her basement kitchen was scaled down so she could do her magic more easily. She made her own spaghetti noodles in that magical kitchen and not with any new-fangled machine either. She mixed, rolled and shaped her noodles with her own hands. Hence the term 'homemade'. I can remember watching her making a 'well' in a pile of flour mixture and filling it with an egg mixture and wondering what she was going to do so she didn't make a mess! She never made a mess.....She made spaghetti noodles , lasagna noodles, ravioli and gnocchi as well. She had a homemade wooden dowel that was about as long as she was tall that she used to roll the dough out with and then she would cut the noodles whatever thickness she needed with a knife. They were always perfect and I can still see her noodles strung up on wooden rods all around the basement to dry and if I close my eyes, I can still conjur up that wonderful aroma that eminated from her pots of sauces. I can remember watching her plop little piles of ricotta and spinach, or meat and ricotta in dollops on her dough that was rolled out just the right size to accomodate a line of the mixture. Then she would cover them with another strip of dough and then cut them in cute little squares to boil later. Aunt Susie had sisters that were crazy-good cooks too and the funny thing was, each ones' sauce tasted different, even though they used the same ingredients. They were all good, each just tasted a little different from the next. My mom was lucky enough to be trusted with the family recipe for the 'best sauce in the world'. Now, I know everyone thinks their sauce is the best, but you'll have to try our 'family recipe' and judge for yourself. You have to put aside the better part of a day because you can't hurry a good thing. But it's worth the wait. I gave the recipe to a friend of my daughters' over 15 years ago and she still makes it for her family to this day.....The legacy goes on. The recipe is for a big pot of sauce that you can freeze in containers for future meals.









Recipe :





2 lbs good ground chuck meat

sweet basil (ground and fresh) & oregano

3 chicken legs

2 eggs

small roast ( i.e. 2lb rump roast)

salt & pepper

4 boneless pork chops

olive oil

2 onion (chopped well)

6 large cans crushed tomatoes (the ones that are about 30 oz)

4 cloves garlic

2 small cans tomato paste

2 green pepper (chopped well)

Italian bread crumbs (1- 1/2 cups)


I make my meatballs first by having the ground meat ground twice (at the store) so it is light and airy. Then mix one cup of the onions and one of the chopped green peppers, 2 eggs, a teaspoon of salt and half a teaspoon of pepper, 1 tablespoon of basil (remember to crush it in the palm of your hand first to let the essence come out), one half teaspoon oregano and the bread crumbs in the meat mixture. The meatballs should be about the size of a golf ball.


Next, put enough olive oil to cover bottom of heavy pot (the heavy pot is so it won't scorch while cooking). Add the chopped onion and green pepper you didn't use in the meatballs. Cook just until onion becomes transparent. Add garlic but don't let it brown (it will become bitter if you aren't careful). Add the crushed tomatoes and tomato paste. Rinse inside of tomato cans with about a third of the way with water to get out every good drop and add to pot. Now you add your raw meat to the sauce mix. You don't cook the meatballs first. That is what makes them so 'airy'. Trust me.....then put in the other meats (raw as well). The roast will just fall apart when the sauce is done and I love, love, love it that way.....YUMMMMMMM. Then add about 3 or 4 tablespoons of salt and one tablespoon of pepper. Taste to see if there is enough salt. Some people use a dry red wine in their sauce. If you do, I would suggest about a half cup. You don't want to overpower the sauce. Never, never, never, ever use sugar....YUCK!


Cook, covered for about 3 hours, stirring often to make sure it isn't sticking on the bottom. After the first hour or so is when I usually 'steal' a little saucer of sauce and take a hunk off a loaf of Italian bread and dip it in the sauce for a wonderful snack. It will take about 3 hours for all the ingredients to 'meld' together. The last hour, add a handful of fresh basil. When the sauce is finished, take out the meat and portion it for any use you need for your own family. I am starting to salivate right now, so I'll close for now. Caio! Enjoy..... PS-let me know how you do.....