Boundaries

Gommy wants to say something about setting boundaries. Boundaries are necessary if we are to get along with each other, or have a relationship with our in-laws, or just live together on this planet and still be happy. Gommy has always been an advocate of the belief that people only do to you what you allow them to do. One of my blog readers (thank you very much) wrote to tell Gommy that they had forgiven someone and that someone still got to them after the fact.

Now Gommy hasn't always been so great at this sort of thing herself. Gommy has been known to be a "Doris Doormat" herself and a poster girl for the "Best Little Girl in the World" syndrome as well. At one time, Gommy would take the long way around any situation so as not to have a confrontational experience. Or make herself very, very small so no one would notice her and ask her to take sides. Even if one of the sides was Gommys'!!!!! Live and Learn, right? Gommy learned. Did I mention I'm a slow learner????

There is a fine line between intelligence and being wise. Intelligence is a measure of mental acuity. Being wise is knowing and using good judgement. Gommy has always suspected that she was a little ESP-ish....Gommy can usually tell, just by entering a room, if there is tension between the people in the room, or get vibes from people, really strong vibes!!! Gommy can also feel when someone is troubled about something. Gommy used to think the person was mad at Gommy but I have finally come to realize that isn't the case. It is usually just the other persons' stuff, but when you feel it so strongly, you mistakenly think it must have something to do with you.....NOT!!!

Back to setting boundaries. First, you have to be willing to listen to the other persons' side before you make up your mind about the whole she-bang....But if you really can't agree with the person, say it. Believe it or not, they will respect you for saying your piece. Gommy isn't saying they will like it, but they will respect you. They also will know where they stand from then on and it takes away any lingering 'feelings' or doubts about the subject. The secret to the whole thing though is to be kind when you say NO! Saying no isn't a crime. The crime is when you do something you don't want to do and do it anyway. It can be a 'crying shame' and the crime is against YOU...Self-inflicted yes, but it still feels like someone was wronged and they were....YOU!

So it goes back to the blog I did on forgiving. If someone has done something to you and you can't seem to set boundaries with them, you should still forgive them. It will make you feel better. It is like the story about two Monks. Monks normally take a vow of silence and are not supposed to speak or have any sort of relationship or contact with other people. Well, these two Monks were walking along a road and they came upon a creek. There was a girl in a long dress on the edge of the creek and she seemed concerned about how she would get across without getting her dress wet. The one Monk said to the girl, "Would you like me to help you across creek?" The girl answered that she would. The Monk carried her across to the other side and then the two Monks went on with their walk. After a time, the one Monk said to the other Monk, "You know we aren't supposed to talk with or have contact with anyone and you carried that girl across the creek." The other Monk said, "Oh, are you still carrying that girl? I let her off hours ago!". The Monk who was so worried about doing the right thing was mulling the incident over and over in his mind and not letting it go while the Monk who was just doing something nice for someone wasn't agonizing about it any longer. If we keep harboring our ill feelings, we end up making ourselves sick over it. Just let it go.....free yourself and do yourself the favor.....Stop telling your 'sad story' over and over to yourself. There are so many more nice things you can think about.

So Gommy says to be nice about telling someone to 'BACKOFF'. Rehearse it over to yourself. Write it down and read it out loud. It is hard at first, but it comes easier once you get the hang of it. Gommy says quit thinking about stuff that is unpleasant. You and everyone who comes in contact with you will be happier......So, be happy, don't worry. I think Gommy has heard that somewhere before....But it still applies!

Gone But Not Forgotten

Gommy is very sad today. In the last few days, we have lost three icons who have left imprints on many of us and left us with very fond memories of very great entertainment. Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson have all passed. Ed McMahon had a very long career and lived a good, long life. He was Johnny Carson's sidekick for many years on The Tonight Show. Farrah Fawcett was the pin-up girl of the 70's and was probably most remembered for her role as Jill in 'Charlie's Angels". I don't think there are very many people from the 70's who didn't watch her solve crime after crime with her two BF's.... And then there is Michael Jackson, The King of Pop..... He was an entertainer extraordinaire. He had moves like no one had ever seen when he made his album "Thriller". Everyone sang along with his songs and loved to watch him dance and tried to dance themselves like he did. He was the real deal!

The passing of these three famous people made Gommy think about how life is so fleeting.....We are here today and gone tomorrow. Whether we are famous or not, we all have to leave this planet. Like my Dad used to say, "No one gets out of here alive." It makes you think that we should all take the time to appreciate every day we do have while we are alive. It is incomprehensible to many of us that one day, we too will be gone. Hopefully we won't be forgotten either. The impressions we leave with loved ones or even friends and acquaintances are the legacy's we leave of how we spent our lives. You can either do good things while you are still among the living and leave a nice impression (literally and figuratively), or it may just be said of you when you depart, "Good riddance to bad rubbish". Maybe not that harsh, but you see where Gommy is going with this.

Entertainers are remembered for their movies, songs, comedy, etc., but the rest of us are remembered by how you treat other people, how fair and honest you were to others, if you were kind and helpful and who you loved and maybe more importantly, who loved you. Gommy hopes you had the chance to know real true love and to have been truly loved by someone while you were here.

So Gommy thinks we should all say a prayer and a good-bye to Ed, Farrah and Michael. Then we should all say a prayer and a thank you for all we have and for all of our Blessings. No matter how much or how little we have, we should be thankful for it all. There are many things to be thankful for, even if you can't think of anything. How about you are breathing right now? How about you ate some food today and how about most of us had a bed to sleep in and a roof over our heads last night? Believe it or not, there are many people in the world who didn't have any of those luxury's. Yes luxury's...... No one owes you any of those things. They were provided to you through the Grace of God. There are some people in the world who would switch with us in a second......so you better start being thankful or you may just be taught how it is be without!