Hello boys and girls! Gommy was wondering why there are some people who just think they are 'all that and a bag of chips' and then there are others who think they aren't worth doodley squat and then there seems to be others who are just content to roll along day after day and are quite content to do so.
Goms thinks it boils down to our Ego. Ego is nothing more than the thoughts we keep telling ourselves over and over and in time we believe them. Ego is what defines who we 'say' we are in our thoughts. When we identify with the stories about 'us' that we have told ourselves so many times that we believe them, the end-product is 'me' (or you, as it were). If you have been telling yourself that you are ugly, fat, lazy, a loner....(or have had it told to you while you were still a child by some idiot), then you come to believe that is who you are. If, on the other hand, you were told that you were bright, pretty, diligent, industrious, etc. you would have that 'belief' of yourself and your ego.
Remember, a 'belief' is something you have been told or told yourself repeatedly until you finally do believe it. Another thing to remember is that we tend not to see how things are but how WE are by our thought processes that have been rehearsed in our minds. Another way to picture it is the monkey-talk we talk in our heads all the time. It has been studied and found that 90% of what most people monkey-talk to themselves is negative dribble...."I know I'm going to be late.....or....they're never going to give me a raise....or.....he's not going to ask me out.....or....she looks so much thinner than I do." And on and sadly on......!
Our egos like to keep our past alive and well in our 'now' presence, because without something to hash over and rehash over.....the ego gets pretty bored. The past is really nothing but a story. A story that has been shaped by our own filters, thought patterns and beliefs. Actually, you could say it is our thoughts 'conditioned' by the way we told our story to ourselves. But if you don't like your past (the story)....don't dwell on it and give it life every day, or give up or give in......just turn the page. The ego is always looking in the wrong places though to stay interested in our current lives. It is more interesting to the ego to find something to be negative about.
This is evident in some people who NEVER seem to be able to be made happy......It is because their ego is always looking for an 'a-huh moment'.......or an 'I gotcha' situation', because they have an unhappy ego from years of telling themselves stories full of negative junk, i.e. "Nothing good ever happens to me...... I'm always so unlucky....or nobody ever likes me.....or happiness is for everyone else." These negative people could be on vacation and check into a very nice motel or hotel and they just aren't going to be happy until they find that ONE thing that isn't absolutely perfect. You can actually see them scouring the place for one thing, person or circumstance to be a grump-bucket about. They are like, "I am so upset.... it/they shoulda, woulda, coulda done xyz...or look at that comforter...it's on crooked, or I'm going to tell the management that it took five whole minutes for the bell boy to come for our luggage." Geesh....if that is all that is wrong in their little part of the world....they don't know how really Blessed they are. But it is their ego that is nudging them on to be unpleasant. They love the DRAMA! It makes them the center of the Universe....or so they think. If they only could see themselves through everyone else's raised eyebrow eyes.
If we could all just appreciate things and people a little more and not nit pick as much, we would be a whole lot happier in this wonderful journey we are on. One meaning of the word appreciation is: increase the value of. That applies to the other meaning of appreciation which is feeling gratitude. If we really do feel gratitude.....we increase the value of our time here. To feel more appreciative, we need to stop looking back and not wishing for a better tomorrow. What we do have and all that we are guaranteed to ever have is NOW. Be present and focus on your 'NOW'. Take the time to notice all we have to be grateful for and notice the beauty of life, the flowers, the oceans and lakes and our family and on and on.
When we have a mental picture of who we are and someone questions that mental picture....we can come unglued. Say you picture yourself as a "Good Christian' and someone says that you weren't acting like a good Christian that day you did xyz. All of a sudden, you become defensive and maybe the 'SO-SO Christian' in you comes out. They didn't comply with the way you and your ego pictured yourself and them are fightin' words, aren't they? Or say you see yourself as the 'perfect' mother and someone questions the way you disciplined your child or let them stay up longer at night than the other person thinks is appropriate or some other questionable scenario.....you might just 'fly off the handle' and let them have a piece of your mind. Now, in reality, we all question (only to ourselves - for crying out loud) if we really are that picture of the choir member Christian or that perfect mother and when someone says something that brings it out in the open and to the surface, we become uncomfortable and want to defend our image.
Maybe we aren't all that perfect....maybe we do let our halo slip once in a while....but if we want to know if we are on the 'right track' and aren't veering too far off the 'reality train', we should notice how we are feeling and just how much of a reaction we may be having when someone questions our motives, actions or the way we picture our self in whatever 'role' it is. The farther your 'authentic self' is from the role you are playing...the more of an emotional toll it will have on you and the bigger the reaction you will have when your behavior or your choices are questioned. The closer you are living to your authentic self, the less it will bother you what any one's opinion of you is. No one wants to be revealed as being a fake. But the truth of the matter is, we all play roles in our lives. We are moms, dads, sisters, brothers, friends, teachers, bankers, doctors, etc. Each role acts and interacts differently with the other. We all know that we can let our guard down when we are among friends and family. But let the preacher or teacher come to our homes and ..........YIKES.....we are all righty-tidy and prim and proper. Or if we want a loan from our banker or we are applying for a job.....you can bet your sweet bippy that 'F-Bomb' will never slip out of your mouth during the interview. These are roles we play.......
How you are feeling in your life and with the roles you are playing, is a barometer to how authentic you are to your true self. If we are constantly struggling to 'BE' a certain way or to feel we are trying to live up to someone else's wants on how we are living.....we will be 'UN-happy campers'. Allowing someone else to live YOUR life is a pretty big sacrifice. We should be slightly selfish in life.....and by that Goms means that if we aren't happy.....we can hardly be expected to make anyone else happy. Back in Tennessee, there was a saying that is pretty prevalent in the Deep South...."If Mama ain't happy....ain't nobody happy!" But that is really the case no matter what part of the world we live in.
Sooooo, long story LONG......be happy. Be the real you. Make yourself happy and it will be a whole lot easier to make someone or anyone else happy. Don't believe all the negative junk you have told yourself all these years. Leave that sad, sad story of your past exactly where it belongs....in the PAST. If you had a great childhood, you were told you were a Gold-Star human being and you feel as if you are 'going with the flow' of life....go with that. But remember if you get too far from your authentic 'YOU'.....and you become upset when someone criticizes you or your choices....ask yourself if you are being the real you or the 'masked you'. You'll know. We always do.....some of us just don't want to admit it.....Happy days to all of you boys and girls. Remember what Gommy always says.....'Happiness....it IS a choice". Hugs and Mush, Gommy
