EGO -SCHMEGO !

Hello boys and girls! Gommy was wondering why there are some people who just think they are 'all that and a bag of chips' and then there are others who think they aren't worth doodley squat and then there seems to be others who are just content to roll along day after day and are quite content to do so.

Goms thinks it boils down to our Ego. Ego is nothing more than the thoughts we keep telling ourselves over and over and in time we believe them. Ego is what defines who we 'say' we are in our thoughts. When we identify with the stories about 'us' that we have told ourselves so many times that we believe them, the end-product is 'me' (or you, as it were). If you have been telling yourself that you are ugly, fat, lazy, a loner....(or have had it told to you while you were still a child by some idiot), then you come to believe that is who you are. If, on the other hand, you were told that you were bright, pretty, diligent, industrious, etc. you would have that 'belief' of yourself and your ego.

Remember, a 'belief' is something you have been told or told yourself repeatedly until you finally do believe it. Another thing to remember is that we tend not to see how things are but how WE are by our thought processes that have been rehearsed in our minds. Another way to picture it is the monkey-talk we talk in our heads all the time. It has been studied and found that 90% of what most people monkey-talk to themselves is negative dribble...."I know I'm going to be late.....or....they're never going to give me a raise....or.....he's not going to ask me out.....or....she looks so much thinner than I do." And on and sadly on......!

Our egos like to keep our past alive and well in our 'now' presence, because without something to hash over and rehash over.....the ego gets pretty bored. The past is really nothing but a story. A story that has been shaped by our own filters, thought patterns and beliefs. Actually, you could say it is our thoughts 'conditioned' by the way we told our story to ourselves. But if you don't like your past (the story)....don't dwell on it and give it life every day, or give up or give in......just turn the page. The ego is always looking in the wrong places though to stay interested in our current lives. It is more interesting to the ego to find something to be negative about.

This is evident in some people who NEVER seem to be able to be made happy......It is because their ego is always looking for an 'a-huh moment'.......or an 'I gotcha' situation', because they have an unhappy ego from years of telling themselves stories full of negative junk, i.e. "Nothing good ever happens to me...... I'm always so unlucky....or nobody ever likes me.....or happiness is for everyone else." These negative people could be on vacation and check into a very nice motel or hotel and they just aren't going to be happy until they find that ONE thing that isn't absolutely perfect. You can actually see them scouring the place for one thing, person or circumstance to be a grump-bucket about. They are like, "I am so upset.... it/they shoulda, woulda, coulda done xyz...or look at that comforter...it's on crooked, or I'm going to tell the management that it took five whole minutes for the bell boy to come for our luggage." Geesh....if that is all that is wrong in their little part of the world....they don't know how really Blessed they are. But it is their ego that is nudging them on to be unpleasant. They love the DRAMA! It makes them the center of the Universe....or so they think. If they only could see themselves through everyone else's raised eyebrow eyes.

If we could all just appreciate things and people a little more and not nit pick as much, we would be a whole lot happier in this wonderful journey we are on. One meaning of the word appreciation is: increase the value of. That applies to the other meaning of appreciation which is feeling gratitude. If we really do feel gratitude.....we increase the value of our time here. To feel more appreciative, we need to stop looking back and not wishing for a better tomorrow. What we do have and all that we are guaranteed to ever have is NOW. Be present and focus on your 'NOW'. Take the time to notice all we have to be grateful for and notice the beauty of life, the flowers, the oceans and lakes and our family and on and on.

When we have a mental picture of who we are and someone questions that mental picture....we can come unglued. Say you picture yourself as a "Good Christian' and someone says that you weren't acting like a good Christian that day you did xyz. All of a sudden, you become defensive and maybe the 'SO-SO Christian' in you comes out. They didn't comply with the way you and your ego pictured yourself and them are fightin' words, aren't they? Or say you see yourself as the 'perfect' mother and someone questions the way you disciplined your child or let them stay up longer at night than the other person thinks is appropriate or some other questionable scenario.....you might just 'fly off the handle' and let them have a piece of your mind. Now, in reality, we all question (only to ourselves - for crying out loud) if we really are that picture of the choir member Christian or that perfect mother and when someone says something that brings it out in the open and to the surface, we become uncomfortable and want to defend our image.

Maybe we aren't all that perfect....maybe we do let our halo slip once in a while....but if we want to know if we are on the 'right track' and aren't veering too far off the 'reality train', we should notice how we are feeling and just how much of a reaction we may be having when someone questions our motives, actions or the way we picture our self in whatever 'role' it is. The farther your 'authentic self' is from the role you are playing...the more of an emotional toll it will have on you and the bigger the reaction you will have when your behavior or your choices are questioned. The closer you are living to your authentic self, the less it will bother you what any one's opinion of you is. No one wants to be revealed as being a fake. But the truth of the matter is, we all play roles in our lives. We are moms, dads, sisters, brothers, friends, teachers, bankers, doctors, etc. Each role acts and interacts differently with the other. We all know that we can let our guard down when we are among friends and family. But let the preacher or teacher come to our homes and ..........YIKES.....we are all righty-tidy and prim and proper. Or if we want a loan from our banker or we are applying for a job.....you can bet your sweet bippy that 'F-Bomb' will never slip out of your mouth during the interview. These are roles we play.......

How you are feeling in your life and with the roles you are playing, is a barometer to how authentic you are to your true self. If we are constantly struggling to 'BE' a certain way or to feel we are trying to live up to someone else's wants on how we are living.....we will be 'UN-happy campers'. Allowing someone else to live YOUR life is a pretty big sacrifice. We should be slightly selfish in life.....and by that Goms means that if we aren't happy.....we can hardly be expected to make anyone else happy. Back in Tennessee, there was a saying that is pretty prevalent in the Deep South...."If Mama ain't happy....ain't nobody happy!" But that is really the case no matter what part of the world we live in.

Sooooo, long story LONG......be happy. Be the real you. Make yourself happy and it will be a whole lot easier to make someone or anyone else happy. Don't believe all the negative junk you have told yourself all these years. Leave that sad, sad story of your past exactly where it belongs....in the PAST. If you had a great childhood, you were told you were a Gold-Star human being and you feel as if you are 'going with the flow' of life....go with that. But remember if you get too far from your authentic 'YOU'.....and you become upset when someone criticizes you or your choices....ask yourself if you are being the real you or the 'masked you'. You'll know. We always do.....some of us just don't want to admit it.....Happy days to all of you boys and girls. Remember what Gommy always says.....'Happiness....it IS a choice". Hugs and Mush, Gommy

Why Do People Hate?

Hello boys and girls. Gommy's blog today is asking about why people hate other people just because of their skin color, religion, their culture or their beliefs. There were two instances this week where Gommy was very uncomfortable in situations where the people I was with seemed like your every day normal person and everything was going along just hunky-dory and then BAM....the color of someones skin crept into the conversation in a manner that made Goms squirm inside.

The first person Gommy ran into this week that made for an uncomfortable feeling said something unflattering about President Obama, and then tried to cover it up that they weren't referring to his skin color....DUH...but Gommy got the ugly, unspoken intent behind it. Then just today, someone said something about some African Americans who were playing golf and asked if they were going to have fried chicken and watermelon at the luncheon afterwards. How small minded do you have to be to think that a whole class of people only like a certain food? That is like saying, at a while persons' buffet..."Are they going to have mashed potatoes and gravy?" ha,ha,ha...We whiteys must all only eat mashed potatoes and gravy, right? And even if that was the case....why is that supposed to be so funny? Gommy doesn't get it.

I have heard people say that they don't like African Americans because they are lazy. Geesh, I've never met a lazy white person, have you? And someone else has said that they don't like a certain group of people because they steal.....same analogy applies here. I guess they don't know that there are several white prisoners in our penitentiaries.

What it really boils down to is that bigotry is a learned emotion. Just as child abusers are often 'victims of victims' the same holds true for racism..... people who hate someone just because of their skin color are normally 'haters from haters'.

The other thing that really gets Gommy is that I can't tell you how many Christians Goms knows who say that disgusting "N" word.....Don't they know that true Christians are supposed to teach and live in love? And not just with people of their same color. How ironic is that? Doesn't the Bible supposedly say..."God so loved the world......." I don't think it said, "God so loved only the white people."

I bet you are wondering how Gommy reacted when these people were so nasty-talking about other fellow human beings? Without going into a lecture or preaching, where it would probably just make the other people get defensive......Gommy didn't answer them at ALL. The silence spoke volumes and was quite deafening, because they had to sit there with those ugly words that just came out of their mouths and become uncomfortable themselves with the knowledge that Gommy didn't agree with them and was just letting them sit in it and stew. Sometimes we have to gag on what we want to say because we are in situations that could make matters worse, i.e. it could be our boss, our customer, our extended family who say unkind things about a group of people. In those instances, the very best answer is no answer at all and to just sit there and look them squarely in the eye and let the foulness just linger and hopefully they will feel like the ones squirming, which is how they should feel.

So, the next time you feel you just have to say something nasty about someone to someone else....put a filter on it and think that not everyone else in the world thinks the way you do. And the very next question you should ask yourself, is why do you have such a terrible feeling about a whole group of people. If you go back far enough, you may just find that you 'inherited' that feeling. Some things just aren't worth that kind of inheritance. Many people deny being called a racist but don't mind acting like one. Try to be better than that. There are all types of people in every group of nationalities, ethnicity's, religions or cultures. Wake up peeps. You don't have to repeat history if it was BAD history. Remember that God loves you.....and He loves EVERYBODY ELSE TOO! Hugs & Mush, Gommy

Because.....It's the Law!

Gommy was in a doctor's office this morning and a man was checking out in front of me. He was the sort of person who takes up more space than needed. NO, he wasn't fat....he just wanted to be noticed, he wanted to be more important than he felt he was to everyone else so he just took up more space than need be. His demeanor seemed to bother me so much that it appeared I may have to just look into the whys of it....

There are many things Goms has learned about myself and just 'stuff' in general since exploring this Spirituality thingy.....and one of the things that I discovered is that we all have these numerous lessons to learn about ourselves. One thing is that the more someone or something bothers us, the more we should question why they/it bothers us and if we go even further.... we could ask if the reason is that person's trait is mirroring a trait of our own that we possess and that we dislike about ourselves or maybe we have tried to disown.

There are Universal Laws (or Natural Law) that govern the process of how the Universe operates. The main thing to remember though is that the Greatest Law is that God is the Energy and that He is the Sheriff of all the Laws. That is how Goms chooses to picture it anyway! There are seven Universal Laws and there are also twelve Spiritual Laws ( and 21 Sub Laws which control human characteristics) that explain the orderly method of an omnipotent God. The Universal Laws consisit of seven Laws: 1) The Law of Perptual Transmutation 2) The Law of Relativity 3) The Law of Vibration (Law of Attraction) 4) The Law of Polarity 5) The Law of Rhythm 6) The Law of Cause and Effect and 7) The Law of Gender. The twelve Spiritual Laws contain the seven Universal Laws with five more Laws added, they are: 1) The Law of Divine Oneness 2) The Law of Vibration 3) The Law of Action 4) The Law of Correspondence 5) The Law of Cause and Effect 6) The Law Of Compensation 7) The Law of Attraction 8) The Law of Perpetual Transmutation of Energy 9) The Law of Relativity 10) The Law of Polarity 11) The Law of Rhythm and 12) The Law of Gender. Now you don't have to believe Gommy that these Laws rule what goes on in the Universe, but your very circumstances and the life you are living are fact because the Laws are always working whether you believe them or not. You can change your circumstances if you just learn how and why the Laws work and apply them to your life.

Now, you are probably wondering why Goms went off on that tangent...The reason is that Goms was wondering if the character trait the man displayed in the doctors' office was a trait that I have myself. I hope it isn't....but the Laws say that it is..... but which Law is it? Goms thinks it may be the Law of Attraction: That which is alike....attracts to itself. But we do have free will and if we choose to change our lives, we can search for the 'tools' (Laws) that will help us change things.

Like, if Gommy really doesn't want to be the sort of person who is obnoxious (like the man in the doctor's office), then a little effort will have to be put into 'disowning' that trait. But the tricky part here is to not go overboard because another Law will kick into effect to balance things out. If you are sending negative energy out to someone, it increases negative or disempowering energy in both of you. The harder you attack, judge, criticise, argue, pressure, blame.......the harder the other energy will fight back. What you resist...persists! Get it? You know.....Karma, Reap and Sow....the stuff Goms is always talking about!

For example: Goms knows you have experienced someone who is really mad and someone else just gets in their space and the negative energy escalates and sometimes a fight ensues....or take the opposite energy......you may have had a fight with someone and you can see it isn't going in the right direction or you see the person is getting close to erupting, so you just back down and say..."You're right." But not in a sarcastic way. You can immediately see the othe person calming down. And you can see there is no resistance anymore....there is no reason to escalate the situation any longer. Poof....it's over.

So the remedy for dealing with unpleasant people or situations then would be to what.... be positive? That is soooo darn hard isn't it? But it makes sense. You have to step back and observe why you are having such a hard time with the concept, argument or person. The more positive energy you put out to another person and/or situation, the more you are balancing the positive energy in both sides and it enables the Laws to balance the energy. Sometimes it is hard to change the way you feel about something and you dig in with both feet, but that rarely works if you really want a compromise. If you really do want harmony and peace, you sometimes have to reassess your stance. Like Wayne Dyer says...."When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change."

What this boils down to is that Goms has to be observant that I am not becoming obnoxious and taking up too much room or insisting on having too much attention paid to me when I am observing that in someone else. And the way I must do that is to not judge other people, criticise them or not feel those negative emotions when I come in contact with those sorts of people and maybe some of my positive energy will rub off on them instead of having their negative, obnoxious, yucky energy stick on me. Ewwwwww.

So....lesson for today boys and girls....look up the full definitions of the Laws and see how they really do affect everyone and everything around us. If we can just step back far enough and try to apply the Laws to our lives to work in our favor, we may be able to change the 'yuckies' in our lives and not get any cooties on us from those who haven't been willing to look into it yet.....We can do it, Goms is pulling for us.....Uhhhh...you'll have to excuse Goms now, I have some soul searching to do....Hugs and Mush....Goms ((^.^))

A GEM of a Mistake!

Who would ever think that a mistake was a GEM? Well, guess what boys and girls....the mistakes we all make really are gems....Why, you ask Gommy? Because, Gommy answers, mistakes are gifts.....opportunities to reevaluate your approach to how you have been handling situations. Mistakes are lessons that we can learn from. Lessons that we all need to learn while we are acting out this 'play' called Life.

The biggest problem most people make is their unwillingness to 'accept' that they have done anything wrong. The other problem with making mistakes is that we sometimes continually beat ourselves up over the mistakes we made. Either scenario is moot. We have to remember that WHAT IS / IS.....It ain't gonna change....You have to put your big girl/boy panties on and deal with it. Then the rest of your life can change for the better. This is also when we can do as the wise adage says..."Be the change you want to see in the world." And Gommy's favorite...."It's Never Too Late to Live Happily Ever After."

There also is a statute of limitations on how long you can blame everyone or anyone i.e. mom, dad, upbringing, being poor, living in a bad neighborhood......The past is the past.....and the people who didn't make it into your 'now' didn't make it for a reason. There is no time for the blame game...either blaming yourself or anyone else. It happened....get over it and get on with it. But whatever you do, learn from it and it will not be for naught.....(that is old talk for "nothing").

You can take the opportunity, after you have made a mistake, to notice when you seem to be going down the 'same old path'....(because we are creatures of habit and we tend to take the easy way, most of the time).....But when you find that you are self-correcting a tendency to go the wrong way, you are actually building self-esteem and character. Character is that real stuff you can't buy in life. It is earned.....but can also be the easiest to lose when you keep doing the same stupid stuff. Einstein said that the definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over and expect a different outcome. The new definition is "duh"!!!!

Gommy has had sooooo many life mistakes in my life and the hardest part was digging down deep inside of myself and face what part was my own fault. Guess what part it was? ALL of it. We all have choices and when you decide on something, it is you making that choice. Be it either to be a grump-bucket, a pleasant person, a back-stabber, a nice co-worker, a good boss....any and all of those things are a choice we make as we go along. Goms admits that the reasons we make them aren't always clear to us though. Gommy didn't realize what a doofus I was until I started questioning the 'whys' of my life.

We all are a bit robotic when it comes to how we act and react to the stimuli in our lives. If we were complacent when we were little, we probably just let life happen to us.....if we were argumentative as children, we probably questioned everything that came up in our lives, if we had domineering or abusive parents or parents that didn't know how to show us that we were loved, we probably tried to make ourselves very 'small' and not take up very much room in our lives. The sad part is that it repeats itself... because it turns out to be generational. We are what we lived as we were growing up......our belief system is what we were told they were by our parents. Unless we wake up and examine why we did and what we did............. and why we may still be continuing to make the same mistakes over and over and over, they are going to keep happening.

Whatever the formative years presented to us, is how we usually act and react when we get older. But there is no law that says we can't take a look at things when we are more mature and try to figure out if - 'it' - (our way of doing things) is working for us or not any longer. If it isn't working.....get rid of it. That goes for our attitudes, our lifestyle, the people who we let into our lives....all of it. If it ain't broke...then as the saying goes, 'don't fix it'. But there is usually always something we can tweak in our lives to help us feel better. Another saying I like is...."Don't try to reinvent the wheel...just get a realignment once in a while." And we should always make sure we are acting and living the way that is comfortable for us and not to impress anyone else. If someone doesn't like you for who you are....pooh on them....(that is a technical term in psychology). Gommy has had a mantra for years that, "People only treat you the way you allow them to treat you." So if you don't like how someone is treating you......stop allowing it. And while you are at it.....look in the mirror because you may not be acting so wonderful yourself. We all pretty much get what we dish out. It is the old Karma is a Charma, Reap what you Sow, Spitting in the Wind and any other of those sayings, religious psalms and other philosophies that keep making sense because they hit the nail on the head.

Soooooo, boys and girls, think about some mistakes you have made in the past. Be totally honest and fess up to being a huge part of the hows and whys of them. Then......learn the lesson....even if it is years since it happened. It's never too late to learn. Be on the lookout for those blunders that may turn into further mistakes. But always see that mistakes can be 'building blocks instead of stumbling blocks." Good luck to all of us....we can do it.....Gommy is pulling for us. Hugs and Mush ((^.^))

We Never Know Why......

Goms came upon a beautiful piece by the poet Rumi this week and it really started a snowball effect of thinking about all of the events, births, deaths, happy times, sad times, moves, jobs, marriages, successes, failures,etc. that Goms has had in my time, so far, on this wonderful journey called "Life". The piece is called: THE GUEST HOUSE - and it goes like this; "This being human is like a guest house. Every morning a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor. Welcome and entertain them all! Even if they're a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of it's furniture...still treat each guest honorably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight. The dark thought, the shame, the malice....meet them at the door laughing and invite them in. Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond."

How profound is that? We never know exactly why things happen in our lives but if we can think of it as being sent to us from God as a way of learning certain lessons, then it can begin to make some sense. Gommy has had many different events and happenings in my life, as have many who may be reading this right now have had in their lives. There have been extremely happy times, and there have been unbelievable sad times in Gommy's life. There have been moves to different houses and to different states, there have been career changes and business opportunities and failures....there have been many different people come in and out of Gommy's life and each one has had an impact, even if it was a huge impact or a small impact. Goms has learned many things from meeting so many different people. Each area of the country has their own way of looking at things, their religious bent, their politics, their home life, their biases, their family life and entertainments.....but the thing that is the same with everyone is that none of us knows for certain why things happen the way they do. Many of us are still asking the question...."Why are we here? What is our purpose in life?"

The poem says that we should welcome every 'visitor' into our home. Goms thinks that means that we should learn from each person, event, happiness, sadness, birth and death that touches us. Because, it all does touch us and we are all connected in this grand play we are all living called 'Life'.....And each one is a lesson to be learned.

Sometimes, we are afraid of something changing in our life. Say it is a financial crisis that is causing us to lose our business or our home. That is happening quite a bit lately with the economy tanking everywhere. Goms has personally gone through such a loss and if I could only have seen that by losing something, I gained something through that loss, it would have made that period of time a little easier to go through. I am now living by my family and we don't have to miss holidays, birthdays, visits with the grands and don't have to worry about 'what is going to happen' any longer! The burden is off and we can breathe once again. The lesson was, let go and the flow will take you to a better place.

The deaths that Goms has had to endure have been some of the lowest times in my life. But we all have to face losing loved ones sometime in our life. My own losses taught me to search my spiritual side and that has been a remarkable journey in itself. The lesson here is that you must accept what is. It is not going to change and the way you go forward in your life is a choice. You can either be bitter and withdraw or you can cherish the memories you have and value the people who you still have in your life even more. The lesson here for Gommy was that everyone becomes more precious when you realize you aren't going to have them forever.

So the next time something happens in your life, be it happy, sad, scary, exciting or whatever...stop and think,"What am I supposed to be learning from this?". And when someone comes into your life or leaves your life, also ask, "What am I supposed to learning from this?". There are lessons all around.....but we have to wake up and think about what we are supposed to be learning from the lesson.

The more Goms searches on this concept....the more I discover that there really seems to be no coincidences and everything does seem to happen for a reason. Sayings frequently come floating to Goms......like, "Serendipity is Gods way of staying anonymous". Or, "There are no coincidences....just God making miracles." It may explain why the man who stopped to get a band-aid for the blister on his foot on the morning of 9/11 was spared, or the person who goes back in the house to check if the coffee pot is turned off and later sees an accident at the intersection exactly where they would have been if they had left home without going back, or the person who misses their flight and learns of the plane they were going to take went down, or the little boy who was the only survivor in an airplane crash where no one really should have survived.....

Maybe this can all be attributed to synchronicity--(unpredictable instances of meaningful coincidence)- but Goms would like to think of it as God's way of handing down lessons for us to learn from. It makes for some pretty interesting thinking when something or someone comes into our lives. When there is a strong reaction to things or people or an event, that is the perfect time to ask yourself - what is the lesson here? So, Gommy wishes you happy thinking and discovering boys and girls.....Hope everyone has a remarkable weekend and the rest of your life for that matter!!!!!.....Hugs and Mush, Gommy

My 'BABY' Boy Would be 40 Today!!!

Happy Birthday Terry. I can't believe you would be 40 today! Where did that time fly by to? I can still remember your beautiful face and that perfectly shaped and hairless head when they brought you to me in the hospital on the day you were born. Are you sure it was 40 years ago? Hmmmmmm, Sigh........ Gommy had been born with a mop-head full of black hair and when they brought you to me, with that blond peach fuzz on your head.....I was taken aback. I asked your grandmother Marilyn......did you think he (you) would have blond hair? And she told me she did because each of her five children were all blond at birth. So much for assuming, right? You also had the most beautiful crystal blue eyes. Another assumption that was wrong. I guess Goms didn't pay too much attention in Science class about dominant and recessive genes chapter. Gommy has hazelish-brown eyes and your dad had beautiful blue eyes and I guess I ASSUMED you would have dark eyes.....But beautiful blue eyes it was and you were precious.

Your formulas didn't agree with you very much and we had to be very careful after feeding you because you had something called "Projectile Vomiting"....and project it did! Wish I had breast fed and we would all have gotten a little more rest at night. You didn't sleep very much because of the PV and were awakened with your tummy wanting more to eat about every two hours. I can remember that you slept most nights in a wind-up swing. Back in the day, we didn't have automatic or battery operated swings......yours was a crank and wind it up style and we were living with your Grandma Katie and Grandpa Guy while our home was being built and I'm sure they didn't get much sleep either because after a while, I think I stripped the gears in the swing and you could hear the echoing of crank, crank, crank......every two hours all night long!

But you grew into a very busy boy and when you were six months old.....we found out that we were going to give you a sibling. Back then, we didn't have the technology to know the sex of the baby ahead of time, but we hoped for a little girl and we got our wish. You and Tracey were almost like twins. You never knew life without her and she certainly loved her brother. When you went off to school, she just wandered around the house and waited for you to come home. I really can't remember you two fighting. Maybe it is MSM......(Motherhood Selective Memory). But it seemed that you two just got along from day one of being brother and sister. When Tracey did start school, you two would go off to get the bus together, lunch boxes in hand and it was so darn cute. The first day you missed school, Tracey refused to go without you. But she did go and she made it the whole day. You had to go sit with Tracey in her classroom quite often when she got ' a feeling'. It was very nice of the teachers to understand and allow you to go and give your little sister a few minutes until she felt better. She just needed her big brother to come and sit with her a while and then she was alright. You didn't complain too much.....when I asked how your day was when you both got home from school on the days you went to sit by her, and you would just tell me, "Trace had another feeling today." But that was it. You just stated it matter of factly and it was just understood that it would be necessary from time to time. That is what I call real "Brotherly Love." And it also explains the closeness you and Tracey always shared.

Then about five years later, (we had moved to Alva by then), and your Dad and I decided to have another baby. Your sister Tiffany was born and then it seemed as if you were "The Three Musketeers". You guys used to play in the woods, ride your 3-wheelers (taking turns riding Tiff on the back when she was old enough to hang on), hunting, fishing, and playing in the playroom. That playroom was a Mothers' dream. You kids would play in there for hours upon hours. The kids in the area would come and play too and as far as my MSM remembers, there was little fighting to break up. Of course, Goms was always the type to tell you, "No tattling....don't want to hear any tattling!" So you figured out pretty early on that it wasn't going to do you any good, so you just had to find the best way to get along. I think that is better than the moms getting involved and ending up getting in an argument.....You know, the old "Not my Tommy" syndrome....

School was more of a social activity to you than any actual learning stuff.....But you did manage to pass each year and we never had any trouble from you (except in kindergarten when Mrs. Allshouse called me in for a parent/teacher meeting because you had poured your milk on some kids head). It wasn't malicious.....you just thought it was funny and you'd do anything to get a laugh!

When your Dad died, we all were in shock and I don't know what I would have done without my three precious children to fill up my life and give me a reason to go on. It is a very scary thing to be left with three children to raise on your own. Going back to work, after having the luxury of staying home since marrying is a traumatic experience. Now days, I would probably be put in jail because I had to let you be alone until I got off work each day. We lived WAY out in the country and there was no one close to watch you guys after you got home from school until I could get back from work. You had to fend for yourselves for a couple of hours each day. There were a couple of families in the area and I know bad news travels fast if something would have happened but looking back, I can see that 'something and someone' was watching out for us because everything and everyone was okay and nothing bad happened while I was away. Except the day Tiff called me at work crying hysterically and I thought something had happened to you guys and when she finally calmed down enough, she said that her precious dog Toto had been bitten by a snake in the creek by our home and died. That was soooooo heart breaking. Wasn't it bad enough to lose your Dad? We all cried and cried and hugged and snuggled when I got home that day and we had a very nice burial for our beloved pet.

Gommy has been so Blessed throughout my life. I was sent two very wonderful men to share my life with (parts of my life with) and the three best children ever born. I ran across a poem recently and it explained how I feel when I think of all of you and the 'gifts' I have been given in my lifetime:

"You've no idea how hard I've looked for a gift to bring You. Nothing seemed right. What's the point of bringing gold to the gold mine, or water to the Ocean. Everything I came up with was like taking spices to the Orient. It's no good giving you my heart and my soul because you already have these." All three of my children make me feel this way!! Is that a Blessing or what???

When you and Tiff were taken from us, it was almost as if nothing made any sense any longer. Why didn't even begin to explain how we were feeling when we got the word of the accident that took you and ripped our lives apart once again. This time though, there was a mother's aching somewhere inside of me that cannot be put into words. Nor can it ever be erased. My babies, my babies.....noooooo this can't be. Tracey and I clung to each other and cried and cried until there was only dry sobbing left. We went for walks on the beach....silent walks where we just held each other and remembered.............Tracey was so lonely......you were her other half.....and Tiff was her student and sweet little sister. She had taught Tiff in our little playroom, all of her ABC's, her numbers and everything a child could teach her sister to be ready for kindergarten. Tiff would balk at times, but she did listen to her 'teacher' and was way ahead of the game when she started school. Tiff tested out to be at the seven year/seven month level when she was only five years old and starting school. The school board even wanted your Dad and me to allow her to skip kindergarten. But after careful thought, we decided it would be better for Tiff to always be ahead of the class instead of always trying to catch up.....It was a good decision because Tiff would have graduated with honors, had she made it to her graduation. Good job Trace! We were given Tiff's diploma, honors and the yearbook that was dedicated to her posthumously at the awards ceremony at her high school.

Then you graduated from high school and informed us that you were going to go into the Army. Geesh....didn't see that coming. But you were determined and you did go into the service. You excelled in the Army and eventually became an Airborne Ranger....One of the toughest accomplishments to achieve in military service. In between all of this, you married and had a little boy named Terry. You could see the love oozing out of you every time you held that little guy. After a time, you were to become the father of a little girl who sadly, you never got to meet. She was only 3 days old when you and Tiff were taken from us in that horrible car accident. But I know you can somehow see all of us and I know you love your daughter as much as you love LT (little Terry). Megan has your sense of humor and LT is a very compassionate and sweet young man who wants to go into the military just like you did. Several of your friends have 'friended' your children on this new thingy called FACEBOOK. I don't know if you would be on this social site but I know Tiff would be lovin' it.....Believe it or not though.....you and Tiff have been on Facebook. We have pictures of you two on several friend sites. Isn't that amazing???? And your Ranger Buddies talk to Terry and Megan all the time. They have told me some pretty nice things about you too. You make a Momma proud Son......I found a bunch of papers after the accident and you never told me how many honors you received while in the military. Nice and modest....how very 'Terry' of you !!!! And it is so weird to hear your kids now liking some of the same music you loved. Good music is generational I guess.

I feel your and Tiff's presence with me all the time. I feel the other loved ones presence that have passed too, but there is a stronger feeling with you two. Guess it is a mother's love and the unbreakable bond between child and mother that connects us forever. My love has only grown for you all over these past seventeen years since you left us. But it has also allowed me to find something in myself that had been missing all these years. I have developed a spiritual side to myself and I feel closer to God too. I guess you have to go through some pretty bad stuff before you find a different path to take. I began searching and searching after I lost you. I always knew there was a God....cause I used to cuss him all the time for taking you from me.....But in time, I realized that God didn't take you.....stuff just happens and we have to go on. It is how you go on that decides how the rest of your time on Earth is going to be.

You would be proud of your old Mom now days. I came across a poem from a very wise man from back in the 13th Century. His name is Rumi and he wrote a very wonderful poem about how you should make your own decisions of how you are going to live. It is called "Be With Those Who Help Your Being: and it goes like this : "Be with those who help your being. Don't sit with indifferent people, who's breath comes cold out of their mouths. Not these visible forms, your work is deeper. A chunk of dirt thrown into the air breaks into pieces. If you don't try to fly, and so break yourself apart, you will be broken open by death, when it is too late for all you could become. Leaves turn yellow. The tree puts out fresh roots and makes them green. Why are you so content with a love that turns you yellow?". That is how your mom has changed since you and I were last together. I have learned that it is alright to question, to speak up, to agree to disagree......We have to live while we have the chance. And it doesn't matter if anyone else agrees with how you are living. As long as you are okay with it.....it is the right way for you. We only get to live one life....our own....no one else should live our life for us.

So now you would be 40 and we have missed your beautiful spirit, your voice, your humor, and your compassion for too many years. And as your mother.....I have missed your love. I know how much you loved me....and I know you know how much I love you. We will be together again some day. Can't say I know in what form or where or anything else......I just know. In the meantime....I will enjoy our meetings and our talks that I have with you and Tiff each day still. Happy Birthday Son....LOVE YOU ALWAYS AND FOREVER, YOUR MOMMY - KISS, KISS.....MUAHHHH

Everyone Else Must Be Wrong!

Just Kidding....Gommy knows everyone else can't always be wrong.....But it has come to Goms' attention lately that people are fiercely protective of whatever they were fed, along with their pablum, while they were forming (or more correctly, having formed) their belief systems. Emphasis on 'belief'....cause we ALL should know that what we believe is based on the faith that what we were taught is the right dogma, religious bent, prejudices, biases......you get the point, right?

Take for instance the Christian belief. Christianity makes up 33% of the worlds' religion. Does that mean the other 67% of the world is going to burn in hell? Don't think so....that is not the God I choose to believe is a loving God. Just as parents don't disown or worse, kill their children for not following our directives....I doubt that my God would do the same with his creations.

Goms may have an advantage here in that, as I have said many times, Goms was raised a 'visitor' when it came to churches. My mother took me to many different persuasions of churches and/or synagogues while growing up. As for my Dad, he had given up on religion at a young age while he was self- teaching himself and read the Inquisition of Spain and came to realize how many people were killed in the name of Religion. He decided he didn't want to be a member of that club.....There were other factors such as being ex-communicated for divorcing because it was church doctrine that you could not divorce and be in the church no matter what.....and that kinda made him mad at the whole idea of religion too. But as I went from church to church to synagogue, it became quite clear, quite early on, that different things were being taught in my Sunday School classes.... depending on which 'facility' we were attending that week. It was all 'sorta' the same, at least in the Christian churches, but there were some things that seemed to have been tweaked and even though I was a youngster....it made the little girl in me start to ask questions. Quietly and only to myself at first and while I was young. But as Goms grew older and could examine things more extensively for myself, I understood how the saying that, "Born a ______(fill in the blank with your own affiliation), always a ____(repeat)." could come into being. If I had only gone to one church/synagogue all of my growing and belief forming years, it would have been very difficult to have anyone change the way I had been told to think (believe).

We all understand the concept of 'brain-washing', but don't think it should ever be applied to our being taught to believe the way our parents, community, society, church, etc. have told us the way things are.......and that their belief is the way that it is in this world and beyond. I am a parent, and I surely wouldn't tell my children that I know for certain what is on the other side of this life. Annnnddddd......I'd like to know how the ones that profess to know, actually do know.

Now, Goms isn't saying religion is a bad thing....it helps us to think there will be consequences for how we lead our lives in that there will one day be a day of reckoning. And it can be of enormous help when our moral compass wants to veer off and be naughty or even evil. But when religion, dogma, bias, etc. are taken to the extreme and becomes derisive......that is when it becomes dangerous.

Goms has come to my own conclusions that there is a God/Universe Creator/Being, that is greater than us and who did indeed create this wonderful world we are fortunate enough to be sampling. The part where I am positively, without a doubt SURE that what I think is absolute.....sorry, can't go that far. And when I'm told to have 'faith' when some of my questions can't be answered, it just doesn't sit all that well with Goms. Sorry folks, I just can't drink the Kool-Aid on some of the 'folklore'......

This is not to say that Goms doesn't believe in prayer....because I have seen it work many times myself. There are times that we might not think this is so because it didn't turn out the way we 'wanted' or asked for a certain outcome....... What does happen when we have surrendered and given in or given up trying to do things the way we were doing them, and seeing that we weren't doing a very good job at it, and we let go of the oars and ask (usually it is more like begging) to be taken to where we are supposed to be for our own good, is when we see our real prayers answered in a way we could never have imagined. Goms has had this revelation personally and the enormous pressure you feel when you give it over to the Higher Being/God.....cannot be put into words. You just somehow know.....and your spiritual side is born. This is probably what the people who say they have 'heard the word of God' mean. It isn't His actual voice...it is a beautiful feeling that you have been 'heard' and the feeling of being surrounded by PURE LOVE! At least this is how it was for Goms. I repeat...this is something I experienced personally, not something someone 'told' me would happen. And Goms thinks you may have to have experienced a deep hopelessness or loss to find yourself in this place.

Another thing that is mind puzzling to Goms is why we can't see that the farther away we are from the spectrum of living a certain way, or a different belief system, or acting a certain way or be unlike someone's skin color, or someone elses custom being different from our own..... etc., we tend to bristle against it or become afraid of it. When this happens to Goms , I usually tend to question it more about why I feel so threatened or afraid of the other end of the particular spectrum. Foreign things may sometimes make us feel like we don't belong to that click or club and so many people then take that opportunity to make fun of the custom, belief or habit that is foreign and somehow they think it makes them....what? Better if they make fun or ridicule a whole class of other humans? NOT!!! But, they are probably making fun of us too....and sadly, that is the human in us all.

We really don't have to be afraid of our difference, we can embrace them. And even if we aren't Christians, we could try to live our lives Christ-like and that would make it pretty darn difficult to judge others, be hateful towards anyone else, condemn someone for having a different skin color than we do and just might prove to make us to be gentle with ourselves, the Earth and everyone we come in contact with. It also seems puzzling to Goms that while some people don't have any problem being friends with Jews ( who outright deny Jesus), they find it unsettling to remain friends with those who have questioned their Christian upbringing. Wuz' up with dat 'friend'???

This is what has been praying on Gommys' mind this week. Gommy is trying to be open-minded about letting everyone have their own system of beliefs, customs, skin color, habits, etc. and let Goms continue to search and question away. We don't arbitrarily have to be afraid of differences......different isn't bad....it's just different. You wouldn't want a mosaic to be all one color tile or it would just be a bathroom shower wall....and not a beautiful piece of art to enjoy! We can all be a beautiful tapestry of differences......Let's sing it together guys......."Kum Bay Yah, Kum Bay Yah......There now, doesn't that feel better? It's worth a try and it couldn't hurt, right boys and girls? So, have a Blessed Sunday and week ahead and be grateful for each second of each hour of each day we are given.....Hugs and Mush ((^o^))

The Relationship Still Continues

This is the time of year that our children will be graduating from school all around the country. Be it Pre K, elementary school, high school or college. It is a rite of passage when all Moms will be sharing that same 'lump in the throat' experience we all have felt with our children when they graduated from their milestone events.

It is always a little scary to let your high school graduate be leaving to go off to college. This is because mothers are always trying to protect their children. We start as soon as we know we are going to have a baby. The ginormous prenatal pills we are expected to swallow so our babies will have strong bones, the eating the proper balance of protein and the other good foods on the proverbial health chart pyramid, the sacrifice of not eating or drinking anything for the nine months that might harm the baby in any way.

Then after they are born, there is the every waking moment of making sure they don't choke or smother when they are infants. Then mothers try to protect them from falling when they start to walk. As they grow older, mothers try to shelter them from getting their feelings hurt from school chums or bullies. We try to prevent them from getting their hearts broken as they reach puberty and start the dreaded boy/girl exchange that will make them all giddy and this is the time also, when mom becomes the enemy and the dumb person who doesn't understand ANYTHING anymore.

Then there is the right school, the right friends, the proper attire so they don't look as if no one was at home noticing how they went out the door. After they graduate, they go off to college and you can no longer be the 'protector' and you hope and pray that everything you did to teach them the right way to be safe and how to act......actually stuck somewhere in that head of theirs.

This isn't to say that fathers don't try to protect their children, because they do. Gommy is just writing about a mother's perspective because Goms is a MOM!!! That is what I know and what I felt as a mom, raising three children.

Gommy was fortunate enough to be Blessed with three children. We went through all the stuff moms and kids go through. But we also went through some stuff that no one ever wants to go through. The father of my children was killed in a car accident when they were just 8, 11 & 12. That was a time of having your world pulled out from under you.....it was a sock in the stomach, a slap in the face, and it was virtually mind-blowing. And it was also the end of a family that was in tact and had made everyone feel safe up to that point.

Trying to get by after losing a loved one is actually just going through the motions. You don't really have a choice if you are to go on. Because one thing Gommy learned is that no matter what is happening in your own life.....life does go on. Now, you can make the choice to be bitter and take it out on the world, or to shrink back from life and choose alcohol, drugs, or whatever obsessive crutch there is to help you cope. Or you can choose to 'accept' what happened and hopefully, someday, will understand "why". But the obsessive crutches don't help anything and in the end, they will eventually destroy anything you do have left. Goms isn't pointing fingers here because some people just can't cope. That is unfortunate and not something to blame the person for. But there does come a time when the expiration period of blaming what has happened to you in your life does expire. You must take responsibility for how you live the rest of the time you have on Earth. So Goms's advice is to try to 'accept' what is...because there really is no other choice when you think about it. It is what it is......it will not change.

Now, after losing your husband and trying to go on with your life....and you begin to think you have done an O.K. job so far.....you don't really ever think anything else that horrible could ever happen to you again. Wrong people.....there is always something worse that can happen. Gommy always shudders when she hears someone say, "What else can happen?" Believe me, something else CAN happen. In Gommys' case it was losing two of her beautiful children in another tragic car accident. This is probably a time when anyone would give you a pass if you decided it was just too much to take and you did succumb to the crutches out there. But when you are Blessed with still having a beautiful daughter that was spared....you do go on.

Gommy had remarried after losing her husband and it was to a remarkable man who took on marrying a woman with three children. It isn't any picnic to come into a house where you aren't exactly welcomed with open arms. But stay he did and in time things did work out with everyone and I now have a companion and love to share and enjoy my Golden Years with.

The thing Gommy has been thinking about quite a bit lately is that we really cannot protect our children, no matter how diligent we may be. One of the hardest parts of losing your child is that you feel as if you failed at protecting them. That was my job as their mother....I had spent my whole life trying to protect them and I just couldn't do it. There are no words that were ever written for the grief a mother feels when her child dies. It isn't supposed to be that way. Parents die before their children. That is what we are 'promised' isn't it? It isn't natural to bury your child. But it does happen and we have to go on.

But the part that is most important is that we did have our children. And we did have a wonderful relationship with them and happy times, and birthday parties, and PTA open houses,and Christmases and other yearly holidays and milestone graduations, and Disney World trips, and snuggle hugs and kisses, and making the boo-boos go away, and being adored just because you were their Mommy, and, and, and....So, we must be grateful that we did have them and smile when a memory comes floating back to us. They were just loaned to us and they were and are truly the greatest gift you could ever receive.

The title of this blog is "The Relationship Still Continues" and what Goms means by this is that they will always be my little boy and girls. No matter how big they are and I still feel the presence of Terry and Tiffany all the time. I feel them watching over me and I still feel the love they have for me. And I have my beautiful daughter Tracey and my love grows for her each day. And we are fortunate enough to be able to still make memories together for a very long time to come. And Tracey has two beautiful children that I can love to pieces and make even more memories with. And my son Terry left two beautiful children that I now have a relationship with and it is so awesome to spend time with them. And Goms is Gommy also to my husband Mike's granddaughter Kyra. She is a beautiful little girl and is a joy to be around. A mother cannot ask for much more than that. So, you see, the relationships do go on.

So, Mommies out there.....enjoy your little ones and your big ones and your troubled ones and your successful ones.....because the time goes by in an instant. Keep making those memories....they will be your "Gommy Security Blankie" in your old age when you look back in remembrance and are smiling about the good times you were fortunate enough to have been given. Hugs and Mush boys and girls and good luck on your lifes' travels and the experiences you are all about to begin.....Kiss, Kiss....Muahhhh

All We Need is Love......

Gommy sang that song along with the radio a zillion and one times as a young girl. But it wasn't until some age attached itself to this old 'till' did it make any sense. Goms thinks the words mean that what we all ultimately really want out of our life is to be loved.

Now we can feel that we are loved if we are accepted by people we care about. Or that we are respected for the life choices we have made or the successes we have accomplished. But that can also cause envy for some and we don't want that, do we? Or it can come in the form of the good feeling that comes from being with people who actually enjoy your company and who invite you to functions because they really want you there and it isn't because they feel it is a duty or it is socially expected. That good feeling we get when we can feel that someone truly enjoys being with us is so wonderful that we just can't get enough of being with that person or people.

Goms wonders why some people seem to 'get' or 'click' with other people and think they are just the best thing since sliced bread and others don't have the same reaction to the very same person. They can think this person is amazing, awesome, funny, great to spend time with......and other people don't see those same things at all in the very same person. Could it be that the old saying; "birds of a feather, flock together", means that the more you are like a person, the more fun it is to be around them? But then Goms has seen examples of people who are not like each other at all, and they seem to get along famously. Go figure!

Maybe jealousy comes into the process and that jealousy may be that we wish we were more like a certain person and that makes us not want to be around that person because we feel we don't measure up. Have you ever been around a person who you feel disapproves of you? You don't want to be around that person very much, do you? It is much more pleasant to be with people who like you and like your personality and your interests.

Or how about the person who has to control every single aspect of your relationship? That is a real drag. They never seem to see that they are expecting you to do what they want you to do, and all the while they never seem to want to do what you may wish to do. That sort of relationship never feels very good and doesn't get very far...for very understandable reasons!

But back to needing love. In the grand scheme of things, we all just need to feel appreciated. And being loved comes about as close to filling that need as any other emotion, bauble, food, drink, accomplishment or relationship with anything else that we may try to fill up on.

The thing to remember is, and here is the rub, you have to allow yourself to be loved. If you are an arms-length type of person....guess what.....you will have arms-length relationships. You have to take the chance of being hurt and being wrong and being unloved and just try to BE lovable. It really is the truth that 'whatever' you put out there is what you get back in return. It's just that easy folks......There's no argument that you can make to disagree. If you are cold....cold is what will come back to you. If you are selfish....people will show selfishness back to you. If you are spiteful.....well, you get the picture now don't you? Goms keeps harping on the same train of thought...KARMA IS A CHARMA. Reap and sow, reap and sow, reap and sow.........Can't get any clearer or simpler than that peeps.

Another way to look at love and being loved and needing love is that if we love, there is no room for the other nasty or undesirable emotions to come into play. You can't have two opposite emotions at work at the same time. You can't laugh AND cry at the same time, you can't be happy AND mad at the same time, and you can't love AND hate at the same time either. So maybe that is what the song meant.

So, if you want love in your life.....love others. If you want compassion...show compassion. If you want people to feel close to you.....quit being so hard to get close to. Think before you say things that will hurt people. Gommy has had a few life lessons with that one. But as long as we learn from our faux pas......it is not a lesson that was for nothing. And Goms really believes that we are given life lessons all the time. We just don't always 'pass' the lesson and graduate onto the next lesson. So, we keep making the same stupid mistake, over and over and over.......DUH!!!

Also, don't be so quick to strike out at people for doing something that you have done yourself. You know, the old 'Forest for the trees' scenario? Even the Bible says that whatever you want from others, you must give of it yourself....Remember the part about..."Do unto others".... ?

So, this week, try to think of how you are coming across to other people. You may find that if you look inward, you may just see that you can understand why other people find you to be a certain way. Edkhart Tolle says that if you take care of your 'inside you' your outside you and your world around you will take care of itself. Gommy thinks he just may have something there......Have a great week boys and girls. And practice being the way you want others to be to you. It was another very wise man, Gandhi, who said, "Be the change you want to see in the world." I think he was onto something too but nobody was listening. It's not too late though......it's never to late to change, if you need to, so you can feel the love that we all really want in our lives. Good luck and hugs and mush... Gommy