Ode to Terry and Tiffany

Today is seventeen years since my beautiful Terry Alan Pribisco and Tiffany Ann Pribisco were taken from us in a car accident. The loss is too profound to try to explain in words, so as their mother, if you will allow me, I will merely share some wonderful memories I have of them and of our brief, but awesome time together.

Terry was my first-born and a very social and busy boy. He even started walking early (around ten-months old) and he never slowed down after that. Gommy was a young mom in today's estimation (22). There are pros and cons to having your children while you are still relatively young, but Goms is happy she did have her children so young so I am now able to enjoy and still have a viable relationship with my grandchildren, i.e. having the stamina to chase after them and even the ability to pick them up. And now Terry's children are 18 & 17 and Goms can still relate to them (well, sort of) in their teen and young adult years.

Terry was a beautiful child and he grew up to be a very handsome hunk of a man....I know I am prejudiced, but several people over the years have told me the same thing so it can't be all bias. Terry had an incredible sense of humor and I miss sharing so many belly laughs with him on so many levels. Terry was a hunter when he was a young boy, just as his father was. His father Terry, taught hm how to use a shot-gun (for hunting purposes) at the early age of eight and when he turned ten, big Terry (that's how we differentiated between them) bought him his first 410-gauge shotgun. We lived in a small rural town in southwest Florida and it allowed Little Terry (L.T.) to hunt at his leisure....He would bring home quail, dove, squirrel and other critters he had killed and ask me to cook them for him. Of course I did, because I didn't want to encourage him to kill just for the sake of killing. Goms never ate any of the game he shot because I didn't grow up in a hunting family and never acquired the taste for it. Everyone used to tell me that the game they killed tasted just like chicken and Goms always answered, "I'll just have the chicken then!" Terry had quite an arsenal of guns in his lifetime. My mother (Grandma Katie) even bought him two Civil War Calvary guns for his collection. Big Terry was quite a hunter himself and all of his guns went to L.T. when he died in a car accident nines years before Terry and Tiff died. Terry was only 12 years old at the time, Tracey was 11 and Tiffany was 8.

Terry had a kind heart and was very protective of me as his Mom. While growing up, Terry was the kind of child that never talked back to me. He did, however, still do what he intended to do if it mattered enough to him....What is that called in psychological terms? Passive-aggressive. Whatever it was, it sure made it easier to be his parent because we didn't have any screaming meemie fights. Just the repercussions of what he decided to end up doing. Mostly, the things he did were just tolerable things that teens do that their parent would rather they didn't. All in all, Terry really was a good kid.

When Terry graduated from high-school, he decided on his own, to go into the Army. As his mother, I worried that he was going to have to endure quite a bit of verbal abuse from his Sgts. Goms worried for nothing because Terry excelled beyond any wildest imaginations. He not only became a memer of the 82nd Airborne Division of the Army, as an ace paratrooper, he later went on to become a decorated member of the esteemed Airborne Ranger division of the Army. Little Terry's gun expertise was rather impressive and by the time he did make it to Army Airborne Ranger, he had earned several certificates as a 'sharpshooter'. I guess that 410 shotgun his Dad gave him as a kid was just the beginning. And by the way, Little Terry turned to be a gorgeous 6ft. 2in specimen of a man. His nickname in the Army was "Biscuit". You always get a nickname in the Army and because his last name was Pribisco.....you get it?.....Nabisco? "Biscuit" is what his buddies called him and that is what he called his son when he was born.

Terry was not afraid of anything. He even raced motorcycles in his leathers (pink ones at that) at break-neck speeds around a track. I saw him once doing a wheelie on University Drive ( a very busy street in South Florida) and I almost had a heart attack. But, that was my boy! Fearless was his middle name. The wheelie incident would be a good example of him doing something a parent would rather he didn't.

When Terry became a father himself, you would have thought he invented 'fatherhood'. He carried his son, Terry III, around as if he were the 'Hope Diamond'. You could actually see the love oozing out of his every pore for his son. He was soooo very proud of his little boy. Sadly, Terry never got to see his amazing and beautiful daughter Megan. She was born three days before he died. He and Tiffany were actually on the way over to see her when the crash happened. The officer told me that there were several baby gifts and a stroller strewn all over the accident site. I know Terry would have oozed that same love for his baby girl as well, if he had ever been given the opportunity to see her.

Terry was very accomplished for his young years. By the time he died at twenty-two, he had become a paratrooper in the Army, had dropped down over Saudi Arabia and other Middle East targets and he was chosen (because of his elite training) to be a guard at the DMZ in Korea. When he eventually became an Airborne Ranger, (one of the most elite branches of the Army in training and endurance) he wore the beret, wings and tattoos with the pride they demanded. As I went through his belongings, I found several honors and letters of mention of his bravery and accomplishments. He had never mentioned any of this to me (or his sisters as far as I know). Terry just wasn't a braggart. I have since been contacted by some of his Army buds who have espoused Terrys' great character to me. They have told me that Terry was a friend and a man of honor and they felt their lives were made all the better for knowing him. There can be no higher accolade in the world for a mother to hear about her child. I love you Terry and always will....you are missed every day of my life, more than any words could ever say and you will always have a special place in my heart.

Now for my sweet, wonderful, amazing Tiffany. Tiffany was as beautiful on the inside as she was on the outside... and she was a very beautiful girl. Tiffany was only 17 when she died but she was an 'old soul'. I always said she was old beyond her years. It was almost as if she had been here several times in many other lifetimes and had just gotten better each time. I take comfort in thinking that she was just 'finished' here on earth and it was her time to go. She couldn't improve any more than she had....so why stick around?

Just as an example of how special Tiff was.....I still get cards and gifts on Tiff's birthday and on the anniversary of her death. Her high-school art teacher, Ms. Carla Stiles, has never forgotten one year since Tiff died, to send me a card and a little something to let me know she misses and still loves Tiff to this day.

Tiff was the kind of person who lit up a room. She had a smile that was infectious. She taught me to never keep a compliment to myself....meaning that if someone looks especially nice, or is wearing something flattering, or their hair looks pretty....tell them. She always did that herself and it made me realize how one little compliment may just 'make the day' for the person you are saying something nice to. We can learn from our children as well they learn from us.

Tiffany was very vocal and animated (her Dad fondly called her "Jabber-Jaw' when she was little). Tiff had her own distinct style about her at a very young age and she was always 'put together' very well. Tiff loved clothes and shoes, as do many teens, but Tiff just seemed to know how to put it all together just right. She could do things with her hair that even I couldn't do....and I am a licensed hair dresser! While she was still in high-school, Tiff decided to go to nail tech school. That wasn't her chosen profession, she just wanted to make some good money while she was still in school. So, on her own, she did indeed go to nail school, got her license and went to work in a salon. With her artistic talents, she could paint the most beautiful and smallest artwork on the nail bed of patrons that you could ever imagine. With her personality, she had many clients who requested just her and they all loved her. One Christmas, she painted Christmas lights on each of my ten nails and they looked as if they were connected by little electric wires from one nail to the next. Another time, she painted Minnie Mouse on one of my nails and the likeness was amazing. She even painted on the little polka dots on Minnie's dress! She made much more money at her job than she would have slinging burgers somewhere. Tiff would have been graduating with honors from South Broward High School in just a few months when the accident happened. The school even gave me her diploma, posthumously, at a special awards ceremony and there as a whole section dedicated to Tiffany in the school yearbook.

Even after 17 years, people still share wonderful stories with me about Tiffany. People have reached out to me that I don't even know that knew Tiff. They relate wonderful times they had with Tiff. As her Mom, I already know how great she was, but it is always special to hear. One friend told me she still keeps a picture of Tiffany in her house and has told her own daughter how special Tiffany was. It can be very frustrating to speak with someone who didn't know Terry or Tiff because words can't describe what awesome people they were.

When Tiff was only about 4 years old...the song "You Light Up My Life", by Debbie Boone was popular and Tiff would put on her pink chiffon nighty and pretend it was a ball-gown and use her "Mr. Microphone" and belt out the song....and she was pretty darn good too. I heard that song not too long ago come on the radio while I was driving and I had to pull over to the side of the road because it made me so emotional and it brought me right back to that sweet little voice singing to her Mommy and anyone else in the 'playroom' who would listen. You could very well say that Tiff surely did 'Light Up My Life'. I love you 'Spiffy Tiffy'. Always have.....always will!

So, one might ask...why would two such awesome people have been taken from us? I have asked myself that so many times over this 17 years that I can't even count the times. Losing them has made me search in ways I never would have searched for answers before. By search I mean for more meaning in my life and meaning in life in general. I have wondered over the years how a beautiful soul such as Terry could have done all the daring and dangerous things he did in his 22 years, just to die in a Honda Prelude. And I have asked the same question about sweet Tiff....why a kind, sweet, smart and generous girl could be snatched from us before she had a chance to do all the wonderful things I know she would have done in her life. But, like I have said before....they must have just been finished here. There wasn't much more they could have improved on. But as I have also said so many times before.....I am grateful and feel honored to have had the privilege of being their mother. But I have to admit that I do feel their loss is like the 'phantom limb sensation', where when a limb has been amputated from you, but you still feel it is a part of you. Terry and Tiff many have been 'amputated' from my life.....but they will always be a part of me. And if anyone wonders if I would give up having Terry and Tiffany in my life so I didn't have to go through the hurt of losing them.....the answer is a resounding ..NO WAY! You see, I remember every wonderful moment I ever spent with them and I cherish those memories and I will for as long as I live.

So, thank you to all my readers out there in blogland for allowing a mother to sing the praises of two very wonderful children. It has been too long since I have enjoyed this sort of bragging about my sweet Terry and Tiffany...And this would be a very good time to remind you all to kiss your own babies and hold them tight. We only have them for a very short time as it is....and when they are taken from us too soon, it leaves an empty place in your heart forever. So, make sure you savor every second you get with your own children because we only get a precious but slender sliver of time with them and remember this wise and heartfelt advice from Gommy....

DON'T BLINK!!! Bless you all and your families as well....Hugs & Mush, Gommy

REPUTATON OR CHARACTER???

Happy Sunday boys and girls.....Today, Goms wants to speak about a persons' reputation and/or character. Gommy recently received one of those email blasts that tell you a joke of the day or a quote or some advertisement.....and the one blast that struck Gommy this morning was one that Goms hadn't thought much about before. Both words were kind of interchangeable to Goms previously, but after thinking on it a bit more, it became evident that they can be totally opposite of each other in meaning. The two terms were; reputation and character. Reputation is what other people think of you ( and it can be good or bad) and character is what you think about yourself and how you conduct your life. Gommy thinks character is much more important than reputation. Like Goms has said before; 'what other people think of you is none of your business'.

Our reputation usually precedes us by what we have accomplished or sometimes, what we have done that isn't always something we can be proud of. Most of us do strive for a good reputation. But you can also acquire a 'bad' reputation by doing things that you or your family wish you hadn't. It is hard to live down a bad reputation. Goms thinks this may be that sadly, people sometimes prefer to believe the bad about us rather than the good for some stinky reason.

A persons' good character, on the other hand, cannot be bought or made up by lying about our good intentions or deeds.....it can only be earned by the way we conduct ourselves. Having a good character requires that we look into our 'proverbial' mirror and be pain-stakingly honest with ourselves about how we roll....(how's that for some up-to-date lingo for Goms? LOL) Character is partly taught to us by our parents and partly developed as we learn how things, circumstances and people should be treated. A person of good character would not take advantage of anyone, would not lie, would not cheat, would not....you get the picture....But a person of good character would.......be considerate of others, be honest with your spouse, friends, co-workers and bosses, show gratitude for a favor done and for all the blessings we have. A person with 'good character' actually cares about their 'reputation' and would not purposely tarnish it by doing anything that would reflect on their character in a harmful way. My mom had a way of saying things that could be harsh, but she was always honest to a fault.....she used to say about someone that wasn't of very good character....."They aren't worth the powder to blow them to hell!" Now, that may be pretty brutal but that is how mom expressed herself....

Sometimes it is hard to do the right thing. People have a tendency to lie to themselves and others when it comes to giving themselves a break or a free pass.....(meaning, it is easier to lie than to admit to wrong doing). It is much harder to do the right thing at times and that is what good character is all about. You can always tell the mettle of a person by how they handle adversity. It is easy to be 'all that and a bag of chips' when things are going rosey...but if you can handle yourself and others with respect when things are 'circling the drain'......that is the mettle (in the position of being incited to do one's best) of 'good character'. Many people are of the mindset that if they are going down, they are bringing everyone with them.....how sad. Just admit when you do wrong and man-up or woman-up to the wrong doing and Goms guarantees you will feel much better about yourself the next time you have to look in that mirror...


Gommy had the honor of helping Grandpa Mike and NFL great Jim Kiick at a charity golf benefit for St. Jude Children's Research Hospital yesterday. Grandpa and Jim Kiick are two people with great reputations but more importantly, great character. They both give tirelessly of themselves to help people and in this case, sick children. Jim Kiick gave a speech yesterday that demonstrated his 'good character'. He said that just as in the game of football, life is a team effort. He said that all the accolades he receives are wonderful but he could not have accomplished all he did in his football career without the rest of the team. (sic) And aren't we are all on the 'team of life' and shouldn't we all be pulling for each other instead at each other?

So, here's to everyones' good reputations and good characters......We are all a work in progress and if we continue to strive to take the high road....we'll get a lot less dirt on us and our reputations in the process...Good luck boys and girls everywhere and just continue to try to do the RIGHT thing.....Hugs and Mush, Gommy

"Heal Thyself"

Hello boys and girls. Goms was thinking how many times we hear something but it doesn't click in our minds until we have an 'aha' moment of our own that puts it in perspective. Funny how nothing is too important until it falls on our own doorstep, isn't it?

There are two very special people in Gommy and Grandpa Mikes' life that are seriously ill right now and we don't like it one little bit. It is never pleasant to face the reality that we are all going to leave or be left by people who mean so much to us. But what it does do is make us realize how important the people in our lives are and how every day that we are given is so important and how we shouldn't squander any of our days here on the planet or with the people who we will miss when they are gone.

Then Goms got to thinking about the Proverb in Luke 4:23, that says "Heal Thyself". But how do we heal ourselves? Well, the moral of that particular proverb is to attend to ones' own defects, rather than criticize defects in others. We can start with finding the 'spirit' within ourselves. To know if you are in touch with the spirit within, you will get the 'feeling' of your spirit when you are loving, or you are being creative and when you are happy.

The happy part is a process. There are actually 'happy hormones' that your body secretes when you ARE feeling happy. They are serotonin and dopamine. Those hormones are given to people with depression because they are re-uptake inhibitors to make them feel less depressed. Seretonin is even associated with self-esteem. Then the opiates your body secretes when you are in touch with your 'inner spirit' are the ones that make you feel high, like when you are running or exercising or having a sexual experience. And finally, the oxytocin is the hormone that makes milk come into a mothers' breast for feeding her baby..... but now they have found it is also produced during a sexual orgasm. And an added bonus......while all this is happening, you are actually regulating your immune system. So, if you internally induce a feeling of euphoria, you are healing yourself.....hence, the proverb 'Heal Thyself' is being honored. WOW...that is quite a lot going on just by getting in touch with your spirit. So don't think it is a bunch of hocus-pocus to get in touch with your spirit. We all have a spirit....we just have to get in touch with it more often.

One way to get in touch with our own spirituality is through our relationships. There is a theory that people we love and people we hate are all a mirror of ourselves. That is the paradox. We were attracted to people we are in a relationship with by the traits that we have of our own but we wish we had more of and likewise, people with traits that we dislike and have negative connotations are also traits we have ourselves and are a mirror to our inner 'us' as well. If you put all the traits you like and dislike in a circle.....you will find yourself right smack in the middle of the circle. You don't have to take Gommys' word for it....it just is. If we can just admit this fact...we can learn from it and be all the better for the learning.

So, as a fun and enlightening experiment, write down the traits you like and dislike in a person and you will find (if you are honest) that we all own both sets of traits. We can improve ourselves by working on the traits that are unpleasant.....Good luck....Have to go now..... UMMMMMMMMM, Gommy has some work to do!!!.....Hugs & Mush.....Goms

Here's to a Happier YOU!

It's Sunday again.....thank you God....and this is the first day that it really feels like Fall.....at least in South Florida! Fall is the beginning of the lead-up to the Holidays and it is so exciting to know that most people are going to be nicer to each other pretty soon......too bad we can't have that holiday feeling all year. That would certainly be nice, now wouldn't it?

Gommy thinks that the real reason everyone (well most everyone) is nicer around this time of year is that most people are finally on the same page. There is actually a feeling of happy anticipation in the air....a feeling of great expectations.....a feeling that friends and family are really going to get along this year and have a wonderful time together. It reminds Goms about the saying, "Lessons come from our journey, not our destination." (sic) We seem to be in this self-imposed and/or handed down anticipation of 'visions of sugarplums'..... and that really is what we all do want....but somehow it gets all murky when we get to the 'destination'.

Maybe this year we can try to remember that a 'happier you' actually starts and depends on YOU. Maybe you have to come to the 'party' with a different perspective this year if you truly want a happy, merry time. Remember that it is easier to change yourself than to change others. Now, Goms doesn't mean you have to change the core of you....just try to change the way you respond to the situations and celebrations and all the people involved. If you go thinking you are going to have a terrible time because sister Sue is going to be there and she always hogs the show.... or your mom or your mother-in-law is going to show disapproval about how you discipline your kids, or grandma is going to give you some 'old-fashioned' gift that you hate..... you will probably be right....But you can adjust your attitude before you get there and make yourself 'transparent', so it allows any of the unpleasant feelings or unwarranted advice that you usually grab and take 'inside' you ... pass right through you... and voila'....you won't be affected at all. It is a choice. That reminds Goms of a joke about gifts....someone said, "Remember, it's not the gift that counts....it's the receipt." Funny, huh?

Sometimes expecting everything to be perfect is the reason for the letdown after the holidays. Nothing and no one is perfect....remember; 'Perfect' is the enemy of 'Good Enough' and good enough should be GOOD ENOUGH! We are Blessed in so many ways in our life that to be disappointed by an occasion or a gift is really just being a spoiled brat.....sorry, but that is the truth...

So......boys and girls, how about trying to look forward to this holiday season and realize everything won't be 'perfect'....but it can be pretty darn 'good enough'......Start working and practicing on being a 'happier you' right now and you might actually have a nicer holiday this year.....

Hugs & Mush- Goms

Growing Older Isn't ALL Bad

Gommy wants to share something a 90 year old woman from Cleveland, Ohio wrote in a local paper and it says volumes about getting older and all the good things and wisdom that we learn as we age.....Goms has tweaked some to her liking:

1. Life isn't always fair...but it is always good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. The family and friends that you have
taken time with will.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree on some things.
7. Cry with someone. It is more healing than crying alone.
8. It's O.K. to get angry with God.....he can take it.
9. Start saving for retirement...... with your first paycheck.
10. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up your future.
11. It's O.K. to let your children see you cry.
12. Don't compare your life with others....you have no idea what their journey is about.
13. If a relationship has to be a secret.....you shouldn't be in it.
14. Things can change in a blink of an eye....but don't worry....God never blinks.
15. Take a deep breath...it calms the mind.
16. Get rid of anything in your life that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
17.Whatever doesn't kill you....really does make you stronger.
18. It's never too late to have a happy childhood...but the second one is up to you.
19. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy nightgown.....don't save it for a
special occasion......today IS special.
20. Prepare...........then go with the flow.
21. Don't wait....be eccentric now.
22. The most important sex organ is the brain.
23. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
24. Frame every potential 'disaster' with, "In five years will this matter?"
25. Forgive everyone - everything.
26. What other people think of you is none of your business.
27. Time heals most everything.....give time TIME.
28. However good or bad a situation is...........it will change.
29. Don't take yourself so seriously...........no one else does.
30. Believe in miracles.
31. God loves you because of who God is....not because of anything you did.
32. Growing old beats the alternative.
33. Your children only have one childhood.
34. Stay on the right side of the sod....
35. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
36. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
37. No matter how you feel..... get up, get dressed and get out.....
38. Yield.
39. If we all threw our problems in a pile, and got to see everyone elses'....we'd pick ours.
AND MAYBE THE MOST IMPORTANT ONE OF ALL!!!!
40. Life may not always be tied in a pretty bow....but it is still a gift.

Hope you got something out of some or all of these gems...Have a great day boys and girl. Hugs & Mush, Gommy

A Great Big Thank You !

Gommy wants to say 'Thank You' to all my 'peeps' today......those would be all the nice people who follow 'gommysgoodies' and have taken the time to tell Goms how inspired they are by my 'blogs' and how I should never quit writing them because they read them every day and look forward to each blog and how they get so much out of it....Wellllll, Hallelujah!!!!....that is exactly why Gommy writes her blogs....to help people with things in their life, through examples of times in my life. Sometimes we need to hear what other people are going through to realize we are not going through it alone or that we are not the only ones going through a tough time. It must be working because it is very nice to hear how much Gommy touches so many people. Aw shucks..........you are making Gommy blush :-))) THANK YOU GUYS.....

There are so many things Gommy has in her mind that I can pass on to people. Like the examples of what Gommy did or went through at sad or troubling times in my life. Or the happy times Gommy has shared with my children and grandchildren and how it is not wise to over-step your childrens' parenting choices with their children....Or how to avoid trouble at the Holidays or different family get-togethers of our lives.....Now, some of these examples may work for some people and may definitely not be the way to go for another person...........but if anything that Goms has gone through can help someone else.....I'll be happy to share. So, all you followers out there who like my blogs......I'll be around for a while....God willing....AMEN !!!

So many times in our life, we wonder, "Am I the only one who feels this way?" Or..... "How can I or how should I handle this or that?" It helps it come into focus if we hear how someone else handles things. But, if you like Goms advice, you would love it if Grandpa Mike had a blog....He would tell you some of his ideas on handling certain things that come up in ones life. Grandpa Mike is a perfect example of a very good person. No, really....I can't emphasize it enough that he is a VERY good person.....There is even a picture of Grandpa Mike in the dictionary under - VERY GOOD PEOPLE ;) !!!! He is truly abnormally fair with issues or confrontations that arise and he never gets flustered. Geesh....that is hard to do! Sometimes Gommy doesn't like to admit that he is right, if we are the ones having the disagreement, but if Goms gives it a few days, it becomes clearer that Grandpa Mike has made some very good points. In altercations or disagreements of any proportion, he keeps his head clear, never raises his voice and can weigh both sides of an issue....WOW...how does he do that? AND he does it without bias.....That is the trickiest part, because we all have biases. It is innate. But, somehow he does it. If more people were like Grandpa, there would be a whole lot more peace in the world and a lot less nastiness....

So, some of the 'wisdom' Gommy shares, has been learned over the 24 years of living with Grandpa Mike and observing how he behaves. It is harder to do than to admire in him though.....I'll tell you that for sure....But I guess we can all learn from our spouses if we give it a chance. Remember, there is a lid for every pot....and Grandpa is my lid. Thank you God. We have gone through a lot in our years together and what Goms has come to learn is that old saying, "What doesn't kill you makes you closer and stronger"....and we surely are a very strong and much closer couple. I am grateful for the years we have been lucky enough to share together. He is my rock.....Thank you Grandpa!

Once again...let Gommy say thank you to all of you nice and thoughtful people who have taken the time to let me know that you like and appreciate what Goms has to say and share with you......See you next time boys and girls. Hugs & Mush, Gommy
(PS....B.B.F.-you know who you are sweetie- I never wrote anything in any of my blogs about what happened all those years ago about you......my blogs are MY blogs and some times we may 'think' it is about us (or anyone) because it hits a nerve in us.....but it wasn't about you....promise......still love you sweetie....and always will) ;)

We Don't Get to Choose....

HAPPY COLUMBUS DAY EVERYONE!!!! Hope some of you out there in blogland got the day off.....

Today, Gommy wants to talk about life situations that involve the people in our lives. It turns out in life, work, family, in-laws, school, exchanges with our exes and on and on, and virtually in every chance meeting or relationship we have.......that we don't always get to choose who we communicate or MIS-communicate with. We may not enjoy being with the people we have to interact with, but what we do have to figure out is a way to get along with each other. We do live in a CIVIL-ization......so we must, at least, be civil. That is because we are going to be sharing a dorm room, our work space, a lab desk, a seat in the car of our carpool, time with our kids friends and parents at sporting events, and the BIGGIE of allllll.........a place at the Thanksgiving Day table with family, in-laws, extended family and friends...... and friends of friends. Some of which we can't abide and would never choose to spend time with except that it is expected at certain times.....YIKES!!!!

Darn.......why does it have to be so hard to act the way we are supposed to act? But....how exactly are we supposed to act??? What IS normal? Is it normal to have to act a certain way when we know someone doesn't want to be around us either? And are we are expected to act 'normally', all the while we are passing the mashed potatoes?.....Doesn't feel so normal does it????

It makes us seem mean to want to avoid some people but it can be very uncomfortable just being around certain people, like if you work with them every day..... and what are we supposed to do with those emotions???? Gommy suggests to try not to let those feelings define us......There are always going to be people who we would rather not spend time with, but it is mandatory.....sooooooo we had better find a way to enjoy the time we have to spend while in their company.

First, try to find something likable about them...........not working yet? Keep trying....I bet none of us are so perfect that EVERYONE loves to be around us all the time either. Like Goms has 'preached' so many times in other blogs.....be the person to others that you want them to be to you. It really is true that kindness begets kindness, gratefulness begets gratefulness, forgiveness begets forgiveness, etc. etc., etc. Just the same way that meanness begets meanness, hatefulness begets hatefulness, jealousy begets jealousy, etc., etc., etc. Goms knows it can be VERY hard to hide how we are feeling....but the end result could be that we have a more pleasant time than we were dreading.....

If we could all just feel in our hearts the way the 'Currier and Ives' paintings make us feel, with the snow covered lanes and the horses carrying families to relatives homes, we would have good tidings and cheer and best wishes for everyone. It can't be that hard now can it? Sadly, Gommy thinks it must be that hard or things would be a lot more peaceful in the world. Because people would be putting other peoples' feelings into the scenario before they lashed out or said something hurtful. It all goes back to the "Do Unto Others" proverb.

Soooooo, seeing we sometimes don't get to choose who we will be spending time with.....try to be coming up with ideas of how to make this a much nicer Holiday Season for everyone. If you can't think of ways to get along.....you better think of ways of how to 'deal'....'cause it's happening......ready or not.....Have a nice day everyone and start jotting down things that will make this next Holiday a more peaceful one. It may be that we just have to keep our mouths shut.....except for when we are eating that delicious turkey and mashed potatoes ......Hugs and Mush, Gommy ((*.*))

Social Networks

Happy Sunday all you sweeties out there in blogland. You know who you are and sadly, apparently there are some who it turns out aren't such sweeties out there and they know who they are as well.

That brings Gommy to thinking about Social Networks and how they can go all wrong if left in the hands of the wrong people. But it will never change that, how does the old saying go?...... 'one bad apple can ruin the whole barrel'. It has come to Goms' attention lately that some people are taking offense and hurting others with these wonderful sites. Goms knows that wasn't the intention of the brilliant young people who invented and developed all the new sites that allow us to keep in touch with friends and family.

Gommy hadn't even heard of Facebook a few months ago.But after joining Facebook and absolutely loving how it was so easy reconnecting with friends from my waaaaay, waaaaay long ago past and with family and even my current friends and friends I was missing in the last place Grandpa and I lived, Goms just loved being able to keep up with everyone. Facebook has even been a conduit to sharing this blog with more people.

A friend of mine just unsubscribed to Facebook yesterday and I was so sad to hear that. Apparently it had caused some problems at work when other people read something they didn't like or something.....If the truth be known, what they read had nothing to do with them, but being the human beings we all are.....we assume everything HAS to be about us....right???? NO...that isn't right. Things only touch your heart or make you mad if you HAVE done something that you are taking offense to. These networks were meant to stay and keep in touch with people more easily and for us to write a 'short' update about what we are doing, what our kids are doing or show pictures of the kids and grandkids....yada,yada,yada. It was not meant to discuss politics, your sex life, someone you don't like at work, your personal finances......those are things that ARE and should STAY personal and private or you can put in a blog if you don't think or care if they will cause you any repercussions. Goms even answered a few times about some political issues until I realized that I don't really care what other people think about my politics.....that is why they are MINE....

Now, let Goms state again, right now, that this is Goms' opinion......and it is still a free country, so I will continue to blog about MY opinions.......if anyone doesn't like what I blog about......sorry, but maybe you shouldn't click onto my site. There are plenty of other generic blogs out there to read that are about flowers, photography, nature.....etc., you know blogs that can't offend you.

Another thing that Goms thinks can come back to hurt you someday is when you put something that is distasteful or 'dirty' on your site page. Goms sees all sorts of things that people 'share' out there on these networks that can come back to 'haunt' them when they get out of college and their boss looks up their 'status page' to see what sort of person is applying for some prestigious position....and don't think just because you didn't 'friend' them that they can't see it through someone else's Facebook page. Remember.....all this stuff is out there in the Ethernet FOREVER!!!! YIKES :0).......I remember something my grandmother used to say that was a quote from a 1600's clergyman named Thomas Fuller.....it was ...., 'Fools names and fools faces always appear in public places.' (sic) What Goms thinks he meant is that 'foolish' people don't stop to think how something will affect them or a friend or family member by putting 'stuff' out there for everyone to see and read. Remember Goms' blog on using a 'filter'.....(the one you should use in your thinking brain BEFORE you share it with the whole world........?

Soooooo take a deep breath boys and girls and people all over.....and start thinking with your brain before you engage your fingers on the keyboard, to how it will affect someone or anyone that is going to read it. And they ARE going to read it......... Have a great week everyone..........Gommy is surely going to have a great week... ;) Hugs and Mush to all!!!!

A New Day - AGAIN!!!

First, let Gommy say that any posts in 'gommysgoodies' are from experiences and lessons learned in Gommys' life and are not pointed in anyone elses direction. If people take offense, Goms apologizes in advance. There is a choice to read 'gommysgoodies'....it is not mandatory in any way, so if you find that you are offended.....please do not log on;) Gommys' blog was meant to express my 'own' musings and thougts and maybe help others from perhaps making the same mistakes or pointing out how it is not important to focus on the negative and to appreciate what we all have been given in this wonderful life. They are lessons Gommy has acquired over the years from my own past mistakes, my own yearnings, my own years of experience from living, rearing children, enjoying my daughter and living long enough to enjoy our grandchildren......it is not and has never been meant to be a platform for vengefulness.....;)

It has been some time since Gommy has written anything in my blog and there is a very good reason for that....Goms was recently tempted into reverting back to an old way of dealing with things and not the way things SHOULD be handled. It is sooooo easy to fall down that slippery slope when someone provokes you. But if you keep your head about you and take the deep breaths Gommy has 'preached' about in earlier blogs......it will come back to center once again. It takes a concerted effort though, so don't think it just happens. 'Practice, practice and more practice and patience, patience and more patience' will have to be your 'mantra' when something comes along to test what you have 'said' or 'done' at an earlier time. Putting a mirror in front of our face is a very good way to see where we are really coming from. Of course, we have to be honest too. That is the tricky part. Saying and doing are two extremes if you say one thing and do another.

If a deed or hurtful thing was done or said and it affects someone that you love and their relationship with their family.......that is enough of a reason to just let the deed or words go and be the higher 'you' and not let it go any further. It is a wise person who knows when to keep your thoughts to yourself (even though it is very difficult at times). If you have done or said something in the past that was hurtful, you must apologize and hopefully it will diffuse the situation. If the other party isn't willing to let it go.....you must gather up every ounce of your 'higher you' and just deal with whatever the circumstances throw at you. Think of it as a learning experience. If you do really learn from it.....all was not lost. Maybe you will feel uncomfortable around that person, but you are doing whatever you have to do for the person you love and when you keep doing the right thing.....all will be all right at some point.

This month will be 17 years since Gommy lost two children in a car accident. It is always a very sad time of the year for Goms. It makes everything else that is going on in the world seem quite incidental and not really very important in the scheme of things. Gommy hopes you never have to experience it, but if you have ever lost a child, you will know what that hurt feels like. If you haven't had to go through it, no one can ever know the depth of pain and the void that it leaves in your heart and life.

So, what Goms is trying to say is I am going to try to stay on the path of looking forward and not backwards. The past is the past and the future is ahead and all we really have is the present. So, if you are holding onto any grudges or feel you must relive past trespasses, try to look beyond and know it is hurting more than just the people involved in the disagreement.

The Holidays are coming and that is a time that should be happy and merry for everyone. It would be very selfish to make everyone else unable to enjoy their Holiday because of a disagreement. Life is too short to ruin even one day.....

So, if anyone out there in 'blogland' needs to apply this blog to your life.....please give it some thought. Let sleeping dogs lie and if you don't want to listen to Gommy, there is a much higher authority you should listen to.........and do as the Bible says; "Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us." AMEN and Hugs & Mush, Gommy

Tethered?

Gommy went to the beach today and it was the most beautiful, calm, peaceful, clear, gorgeous beach day in memory.....ahhhhhhhhh that's what I'm talkin' about! Anywho.....on the walk to the beach, (did Gommy mention the beach is within walking distance from home???), there was a man on in-line skates and his son, also on in-line skates, and they were just enjoying their skating down the road, within view of the beach. But the thing that Goms to thinking about TETHERING is that the Dad was holding a broom-like pole and the son was holding onto the other end. They were tethered together. It seemed like a great idea. The Dad could go along at his speed and not worry that the son would not be able to keep up with him. And the son could skate along for as long as he wanted and just 'coast' when he got tired.

Then that mental image got Goms to thinking about other types of tethering....like to your mommy (especially not so good if you are grown), or to your job, or your past.....you know - stuff you may not want nor need to be tethered to any longer.

For instance, if you are holding onto your past and it wasn't exactly 'all that' great....you should try to UN-tether yourself from dwelling on hurtful memories. Or if you can't 'cut the apron strings' with your parents and grow up, that is also a time to get out the old scissors (metaphorically speaking) and withdraw from mommy and daddy's approval (as long as they aren't providing you with any monetary help that is) and be on your own. If you are so tethered to your job that you can't enjoy your life or family....yup....getting UN-tether is the suggestion here. Get the concept yet?

And if you are holding a grudge against someone or a group of 'someones', you may need the help of some waaaaaay smarter people than Goms...........so Goms looked up some quotes from some of those waaaaay smarter people and here they are:
Ralph Waldo Emerson - 'Every sweet has its sour; every evil its good.' Dolores Huerta -
'If you haven't forgiven yourself for something, how can you forgive others.' Lawana Blackwell -' The hatred you carry in your heart is far more damaging to you that to them.' Mahatma Gandhi - 'The weak can never forgive because forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.' Oscar Wilde -'Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much!' Real Live Preacher -'Forgiveness does not always lead to a healed relationship. Some people are not capable of love, and it might be wise to let them
go along with your anger. Wish them well, and let them go on their way.'

AND FOR THE LAST QUOTE OF THE DAY:

Dr. David M. Burns -'Assert your right to make a few mistakes. If people can't accept your imperfections, that's their fault.'

And finally..............if you just can't forgive and forget.......there is another really wise saying you should remember......'Let sleeping dogs lie'. What that means is that you don't know what sort of reaction you are going to get from a dog that is lying on the ground asleep and minding his own business. You get what you deserve if you provoke him. Have a nice day......Hugs, Gommy