A Word by Another Name???

When my daughter Tiffany was alive…she used to keep her Old Mom up-to-date in the phraseology of the day. Today, they have entries for such words in something called the Urban Dictionary. Tiffany would always put a word-of-the-week on the dryer for me (she knew I would definitely find it if she put it in the laundry room…lol). I loved finding my new word each week. Thanks Spiffy Tiffy!

Now that I am a woman ‘Of a Certain Age’ (for real) I subscribe to AARP (the organization for retired persons….of which I may never find myself because it looks as if I will be working forever.) But that is all right by me. It keeps the brain and body going and allows me to ‘stay with it’. Gommy is from the generation that believes that you lose it if you don’t use it.

Anywho…in this month’s edition of the bulletin…low and behold…there is an article on ‘New Words and Expressions’ that have become used so often, that they have actually been added to the dictionary. Seems my Tiffy was way ahead of herself!

Just in case you aren’t a subscriber yourself, I’ll let all my ‘old chums’ in on the ones that I particularly like, and plan on using.

1) Automagically- Done in a way that seems magical. (happens every day)

2) Bromance- Close, male, platonic relationship (is there any other kind at our age?…lol)

3) Cheeseball-Lacking taste or style (have met my share of these)

4) Chillax-to calm down and relax (can think of several people I know who could use this one…FOR SHO!)

5) Cougar- Older woman who dates younger men (why would you put yourself through all the angst, for heavens sake? If you date a much older person…you will always be the hot-‘Younger Chick/Hen’…lol)

6) Exit-strategy- Planned means of extricating oneself from a situation (you should practice using this one….. it can be very useful)

7) Frenemy- A‘friend’ with whom one has frequent conflict (I say, just Unfriend them…which happens to be another new term described later in the list) Life is too short for aggravations…

8) Friend- to add to a list of personal associated on a website (bet you thought you already had this one nailed. Nope, these younguns’ are trying to mess with our minds ;)

9) Gal Pal- A female friend- (can’t have too many of these….but make sure they are for real)

10) Hater- A negative or mean person. (stay away from these types…REALLY, REALLY FAR AWAY!)

11) Heart- Not the organ….This one is a Verb, meaning to very much love!!

12) Own- to utterly defeat or humiliate (I would rather use it as really, truly understanding a situation or project…remember to stay away from negatives.)

13) Pimp- Noooo…not the one you are thinking of…this one means to make something more showy or impressive. Boy, they really changed the meaning of this word!!!

14) Rock- Not the Noun…this one means to do something in a confident, super way.

15) Staycation- Vacation spent at home. (what many folks are forced to be doing in this soft economy)

16) Toxic debt- Debt that has a high risk of default. (yep…sadly, many already know this one. But all debt is toxic to Goms).

17) Tweet- Posting made on the social networking site Twitter. (not what Tweety Bird does)

18) Unfriend- To remove from a list of personal associates on a website. (referred to above.)

19) Viral-Circulating rapidly on the Internet- (happening too frequently every day….and usually in a negative way. But, wouldn’t it be nice if being friendly, or nice would become viral?)

20) Zombie Bank- An insolvent bank that survives through government support. (Why not just close them down? We have enough Corporate Welfare…DUH).

Then, there's something I heard on TV last night…With all the talk about people being profiled and having to show proof of being an American Citizen….if you don’t want to carry around your important personal papers, i.e. birth certificate or Passport….you can prove you are an American, just by showing three of your maxed out credit card bills and your foreclosure notice.

And finally, something else I heard recently that was very funny and I plan on using (frequently)....is when someone is blah-blahing in your face....just say, "Excuse me, may I interrupt you for a sec? This may be very important.....I've stopped listening!".

Hope this helps all "My Peeps" out there in aging land. Gommy is just trying to help all the other 'Friends of a Certain Age' to keep up with the lingo of the day ;) - So study and learn these new words and terms, so you'll be 'in the know' ( an old timers term, just in case any youngsters are reading this.....Wink-Wink (* >^ ) .

You can do it...Gommy is Pulling for ya' Hugs & Mush, Gommy

Computers R Us !

Hello fellow computer users. Gommy was thinking how much we are like our computers. Of course humans are much more complicated machines than computers. But when you start thinking of the parts of computers and how they store information, process information and breakdown or 'crash' when a bug or virus attacks....it is funny to use the analogy of a computer for we humans. Example? Well, think of this: A CPU is a (Central Processing Unit). It is the nerve center of the computer- everything flows through it. Often it is just called "the processor". So, for today's analogy, we will say our bodies are our CPU.

Next metaphor? Each morning we wake up....but our computer must 'boot' up. This means to "start up the computer". Literally, the process of loading up the operating system and getting the computer ready for use. Then, in human terms, we usually do the same things as we get ready to start our day; brush our teeth, take a shower, eat breakfast, etc. The computer uses the Start Menu to launch it's chores for the day. Any programs placed in this folder will launch themselves automatically whenever you start up your computer.

The computer uses either a mouse or a touchpad (which is a pressure-sensitive pad which replaces the mouse on most laptop computers) to navigate on the page. Humans navigate by either, car, airplane, another vehicle, or just plain walking. But there can involve pressure-sensitive issues involved in humans navigating around too. Like, traffic jams, flat tires, rude people we come in contact with or blisters or sore feet.

When we humans want to talk....we speak the thoughts that are on our minds. However, we do this sometimes without thinking it completely through. On a computer, a word processor is used for creating documents, letters etc. The computer is one up on us with that one, because you can go back and change what you want to say in word processing. You can delete, review and change anything you think sounds better. Speaking whatever comes into your head and out to your mouth..... without the ability to delete...not so much! Oh, and the 'we' that is being referred to, is 'we humans' or in computer talk the Webmaster, i.e. the person.

A worm in computer lingo is a malicious program introduced into computers by stealth, similar to a virus. In humans...a worm is pretty much the same sort of miserable thing, but personified. A Trojan, in computer language is a program similar to a virus which is disguised as something harmless like a game, but when launched actually sabotages the computer on which it is running. For humans, a Trojan brings to mind....uh...you can figure than one out yourself.

A persons' memory is how we remember good times we have had or the appointment we have at the doctors' office next week. A computer has RAM (random access memory). This is where the computer holds whatever you are currently working on. The contents of memory are lost when the computer is switched off. Unfortunately, 'we' can't turn off our memory or whatever is bugging us as easily. There are times when 'we' smile, frown, wink or are astonished. The computer can show these emotions too, with Emoticons....(EMOTion ICON) A group of symbols used to indicate emotions, i.e. :) or :( or ;) or :O.

When a computer program or operating system stops working completely or almost completely.....the computer is said to have "crashed". When a computer crashes it usually needs to be rebooted (slapped in the face or given a wake-up call to humans) before it can be used again. Or sometimes, it just can't be revived. We humans crash at times too. We just have too much information, stress, depression, etc. and we just don't want to function any longer. On a computer, you can just uninstall or remove a program (problem) from your system.It would be helpful if we could 'UnInstall' some of the junk we worry about. Or even better, you can go back and restore your computer to an earlier date when the computer was working properly. Geesh, Gommy would sure like to be able to use that function!

We humans all pretty much like cookies. Those small, round and delicious concoctions made of flour, sugar and other yummy ingredients. But a computer's cookies consist of small data files stored on your computer by a website, in theory to allow it to "remember" your preferences. They can be pretty harmless on a computer......but on my hips? Well, let's not go there right now. OK???

When you transfer information (files) from a network (such as the Internet) onto a user's PC, that is called to 'download'. When we 'download' information into our psyche, it isn't always beneficial to us and it can be stuff that doesn't need to be worried about or fears that will never materialize anyway, but we continue to fret over them. It would be very useful to be able to 'erase' that junk from our 'mainframe' or 'hard-drive'.

We have all had people who have tried to do us harm, by slandering us or just plain lying about us. Those people are called 'Haters'. In computer language, that is called a 'Hacker. That is a person who uses computers to access ("hack") systems they are not supposed to have access to of other people's financial details, personnel files, military secrets etc. Hacking can get you arrested in the computer world....too bad we can't arrest the 'Haters' in our world.

If you just want to browse around the WEB....you can surf. That isn't the kind of surfing we humans do at the beach with the big waves and surfboards though. And finally, we have pretty much replaced 'snail mail' with emails.... A way to send messages between computers, or more to the point their users, either over a network or the Internet. E-mail is usually just text. Although it is possible to send pictures, sounds or even programs as e-mail. There is something Gommy misses about getting a real letter or a real greeting card in the mail. Oh well.....times are changing and if we aren't on the information highway of life...we will definitely be left at the train station. Does anyone still remember train stations? Oh bother :)

So, as you can see, we are pretty much like our computers. Just add in emotions, frustrations, or even the really good stuff.....love. I'll take more of the love stuff thank you. But I can honestly say, it would be pretty hard to do without computers. We have come to realize they are a part of our lives now and even though the old days had some pretty good stuff back then.....technology waits on no human. So, get with it peeps. Boot up.....you can do it...Gommy is pulling for you. Hugs & Mush, Gommy

Did you hear me?

Hello boys and girls. Gommy was reading an article in O Magazine and there was a very interesting interview with the Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh. One of the questions was about 'listening' to heal. It resonated with Gommy, because I have been guilty of not hearing what I was listening to in the past. There is a tendency to try to 'fix it' or give advice on the subject when we are sharing a deep, personal telling from another.

What this very clever man said is that 'Deep Listening' is the kind of listening that can help relieve the suffering of another person. He called it 'Compassionate Listening'. In this type of listening...you listen with only one purpose: to help him/her to empty his heart. This means to keep listening, even when they may be full of wrong perceptions and are full of bitterness. You continue to listen with compassion because you know that they NEED to get this out of them. When they are able to 'get it out'....you are helping them to suffer less. If you feel the need to help them with their perceptions of the situation....you can do that at a later time. But for this time.....do not interrupt. You do not argue the points with them. Because if you do, they lose the chance to cleanse their suffering. Even one hour of this kind of listening....can be transformational.

We all need to vent at times. And yes, we do want someone to agree with us. But if we start agreeing with them or giving advice...they won't heal properly. It is like putting a band-aid on a dirty cut. It will not heal properly until you clean out the 'wound' completely.

Thich Nhat Hanh went on to shed light on how not being able to cleanse wrong perceptions can lead to violence and conflict and even wars. The terrorists have wrong perceptions about themselves and of us. They believe the 'other group' is trying to destroy them, their religion and their civilization. So, they want to annihilate 'us', before we can kill them. The anti-terrorists feel the same way. This fear and anger on both sides cannot be solved with guns and bombs. Communication is the ONLY way to solve hatred. Listening and allowing 'them' to know that 'we' hear what they are saying. That we understand they are suffering. That we want to learn what will make the wrong perceptions right for all mankind.

When we are honest...the other 'side', person, situation......will feel comfortable in opening their hearts to the fact that we are truly trying to understand. Only then, will terrorism be removed. This also applies to any conflict; be it work related, or difficulties with family members or friends. All things are possible with love in our hearts.

Look at what happened in Arizona this week with all the hate killings. The man who committed these heinous acts was suffering with wrong perceptions. He was full of hate and it is obvious that no one was truly listening to his rants. His suffering turned into a violent act where many innocent people were targeted and sadly killed. Perhaps things would have been different if there had been someone who had listened to him over time and had let him get all his wrong perceptions out. That may have allowed him to vent....which is just another way of saying...'letting off steam.' He may have been able to see that he did have wrong perceptions, if he had let off that horrible steam that had been building up in him for so long. As in the band-aid theory....the wound will keep festering until it is cleansed thoroughly.

Compassion and understanding go hand in hand. Until we really hear what we are listening to, there will be a divide. The next time you have a situation arise that could use this type of 'listening'...try it. Stay quiet until you feel the other person has been able to cleanse whatever is going on in their life situation. You will be doing them and the world a huge, ginormous favor. When one rises....we all rise. We must realize that every thought or deed produces action (good or bad). There is a piece I read that was beautiful...it said, 'even a pebble thrown in the ocean makes the ocean different.' We are all pebbles and the ripple effect is felt by all.

So, remember.....we all suffer when we are struggling against something. When we are caught up in wrong perceptions. When we are not at peace with 'what is'. When we try to....and then realize.....we cannot change what has been or what is. So, Gommys' wish for you all is that you find your way to peace of mind boys and girls. Get it out....get it all out. You can do it....Gommy is pulling for ya'..Hugs & Mush Gommy

To Thine Own Self...Be True!

Hello boys and girls. It's the beginning of a new year and of new beginnings. This brings up the idea that if we really and truly want this year to be the best year yet.....we have to do a bit of self-examination. It seems there is quite a bit of self doubt out there and that makes Gommy wonder why we beat ourselves up so much. Why do we care so much about what other people think? Why do we erupt when our way of thinking is questioned? What made us so fragile that we feel we have to defend ourselves from another person's perspective?

Gommy would like for all of us to start being kinder this year. And that means starting with being kinder to ourselves. You know, we are some pretty good stuff here. We are mothers and fathers and daughters and sons and Gommies and Grandpas and sisters and brothers and people who hold down careers (if we are among the lucky ones with jobs), and we should be able to feel good about ourselves.

But, it appears that many of us are searching for more out of life and some of us are downright unhappy! The real secret to happiness is to be grateful for what we do have. I know...I know....you are thinking, "Here comes that old grateful speech again!". But, Goms doesn't feel that everyone is on the same page when it comes to realizing that..... to receive happiness....we first have to be grateful for the things we DO have. And when we go down that road of thinking that we are a lesser this or that because 'someone' else doesn't agree with how we live, dress, appear, think.....we start hopping on the 'OOPS.....I'm not enough Train'.

We have to remember that there is nothing that is ever going to change the 'we' or 'who' that we are, just by another persons' opinion of us. We don't need someone elses' approval to lead our lives. Unless someone is paying our bills.....they don't get to tell us to live in a way that makes THEM feel more comfortable. However, there is an exception to this rule. If we are married, we do have to take into account how the other person factors into the daily machinations of life together.

Let Goms 'splain a little further.....the significant other that we are sharing our life with, does have a say in how they want to live their life too.....but not to the point of extinguishing our own wishes on how we would like to live. This is where compromise comes into play. We don't have to think exactly alike, but we do have to consider the other person, who we are sharing this life experience with. But, not to the exclusion of having something to say about how we live tooooooo! We are all individuals. We have different likes, dislikes, ideals, etc. It would be peachy if we could all agree on everything that comes down the pike. But......sorry kiddos....that isn't always the case. Sometimes, we have to just agree to disagree. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. To each his/her own. Gommy has always said if there is never an argument....only one person is doing the thinking!!!!!

But in marriage...if we are too far apart in how we 'see' things...problems erupt. The thing that usually works is to take a pause in the disagreement/fight/eruption.....and think about whatever is causing the disagreement. Maybe it is that you feel your spouse/or equivalent is not respecting you. Then, you must talk about this when you are both in a place where you will be able to 'hear'....not merely 'listen'....to the other side. There is a HUGE difference. Listening is like....blah, blah, blah.....yada.....yada....yada. You don't really want to hear what is coming out of the other persons mouth. Hearing, is actually empathizing with where the other person is 'coming from'. You don't have to agree....but you should 'listen AND hear' why they are feeling the way they do.

Another biggie in marriage is the dynamic of the relationship. There may be a bully and a victim pattern going on in the marriage. This pattern is set in place by one person doing the yelling and the other person taking it. Not a good scenario. But to stop that pattern.....you have to diffuse the bully and change the game plan. Now you may be saying...there shouldn't be any game playing in a marriage. Gommys' answer to that is.....'GROW UP!'. There is always character-playing in any life situation. There is the damsel in distress to the macho-macho man.....there is the provider and the provided for....there is the two-income earners who think they are equal but are always trying to prove a one-upmanship (or one-up-womans-ship- tee,hee), there is the employer and employee, etc. If anyone out there in blogland thinks most humans don't measure EVERYTHING in their life by comparing themselves to any number of other variables.....again, Goms says....'WAKE-UP PEEPS'. It is just the nature of the beast. But the tricky part is to not get wrapped up in caring too much about the other person's opinion of us. As long as we are doing the right thing, for the right reasons, we have to respect ourselves... for self-preservation.

But we must also not make the mistake of reading into things, that which is not there. As the great poet Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, "Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted!"

But, back to how do you change the dynamic....(if that is what you are aiming for)? Dig deep into the reasons 'why' each person feels so strongly about whatever is causing the chasm. There is usually a deep-seated vulnerability lurking in the subconscious that becomes the Hulk when that button is pushed. It is well worth looking into if you find the same arguments coming up all the time. As Einstein said....'The definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome.' In other words......like Gommy says..DUH!!!

So, how about we think about the last fight that we had that was like a record that was stuck on deja vu'. (For those youngsters out there...a record player is a device for reproducing sound that has been recorded as a spiral, undulating groove on a disk using a turntable, a stylus and a needle on a tone arm. lol) Anywho....think about the subject that keeps coming up....then try to discover what about that subject is so volatile to you (or your partner). Then try to find out why it is still bugging you. And once you figure it out and come to terms with it in your own mind and relay it to your partner....so they don't keep pushing that hot button.....Voila'...you may just be able to erase that problem from your relationship. Oh, and about that other stuff about caring what other people think....try what Gommy does....Goms never cares about someone elses opinion that Goms doesn't respect herself....works for Gommy! ;D

You can do it boys and girls. Just dig....then dig down some more until you uncover and expose the dirty little bugger. It's under there. Set it free once and for all. Kum Bah Ya!!! Hugs & Mush - Gommy