Everyone wants to be joyful or to experience joy. That is a no-brainer. But how do we experience joy when so many things seem to be wrong or so un-joyful in our lives?
First, and this is a biggie, you have to learn to be okay with 'what is'. You don't have to be happy about 'what is', you just have to be 'okay' and accept 'what is'. Then you can plan to do something about what is making you un-joyful. Feeling okay with 'what is' happens to be the very big secret to being happy and enjoying life. You are 'going with the flow' instead up rowing upstream and against the current.
For instance, most people would probably be very afraid of losing their money or their homes. That is very understandable. But it does happen to people (many people lately) and people do live through it. In Gommys' case, it was more scary to anticipate the loss than to have it finally happen. Gommy is still the same person who had all the things and all the money. The anxiety of worrying is over and life is still good. When you can live 'without' the things you lost and be okay with it, something happens to your outlook. You find that it is better to accept 'what is' than to keep trying to hang on to the inevitable loss and being miserable about it. Of course, it is easier to 'have' money. It makes everyday life simpler to navigate. But you can still be happy with less....
Another big secret is to appreciate all you have. No matter how little it may be. There is always something to appreciate in life. Keep a journal of everything you can appreciate. You will be surprised to see how large your journal becomes if you just write in it every day. You can appreciate things like the beautiful morning sun coming up, another day of living and a beautiful sunset, the air-conditioning in your home, the bed you slept on last night, the breakfast you ate this morning, the job you are fortunate to have. You can be grateful for your spouse, your children your grandchildren, your friends. Keep writing.....because you should be grateful for all those things and much, much more. Gommy doesn't mean just check it off your list like, "Yeah, I'm grateful for this, for that, for this....." Really feel the gratitude in your heart. That is when more good and joyful things begin to come to you in a steady stream. You know why? Because you are having positive emotions instead of negative ones. Yes, there are things in your day or life that are not all joyful, but don't dwell on them. Focus on the things that went well in your day or your life. You will feel much better. I promise.........
Maybe something isn't going well with your job or someone in your life right now. When you can realize that you don't have to insist that someone agrees with you or your way of thinking (because you are okay with who you are or how you are thinking) - then you've got it.....Don't try to change the persons' mind or the situation. Change how you look at the dynamic of the relationship or the situation at hand. Don't give way to the 'drama' of negativity. Try to focus on feeling good and guess what? More feel-good experiences will come your way. You have to stop 'beating the drum' of negativity. If you want positive forces working for you in your life, you have to pick another instrument to play and think positive thoughts. I remember a poem by the ancient poet Hafiz that I loved.....it said something like - We are but holes in the flute that life blows it's breath through. (sic) If you think about it that way, we are all experiencing life and our outcomes by the way we are making the 'notes' come through our instrument.
At first, people may get defensive when you point a finger at the way they behave or about something you disagree on; but if you give them enough time, they will self-correct and realize there are other people involved in this 'life-scenario' that must be considered. We don't all have to agree on everything. We shouldn't have to change how we feel to make someone else feel better. But if they don't get it..... move on and let it pass right through you as if you were transparent.....Don't get any on you!
Another thing that brings joy to our lives is anticipating something like a vacation or having a baby or getting a home.....Most people don't enjoy the part of 'getting to' the event or the destination. They are too busy already 'being' there or having already 'received' what they want. My mom used to say, (and I'm sure she borrowed the saying), "The anticipation is greater than the realization." What that means is, by the time you get what you want or have been dreaming of, the best part is over....done....kaput.....you are already on to the next "I want". If you just realize that the 'getting there' is so much fun, you would savor every minute of thinking about and planning for 'it'....
So, "Lesson in Joy- 101" is over. Gommys' homework for the rest of your life......look for things to be joyful about. They are out there.....but you have to look for them. Stop looking toward something and start enjoying the ride.....once you get to the depot, your trip is over......
