My loves…. my Terry and Tiffany….it has been twenty years today since that awful day that you were taken. I can honestly say that there hasn’t been a day in all those years that I haven’t thought of each of you. You gave me so much in the time you were here. And although so much was taken by your leaving….you continue to give to me…. each and every day since you left us.

 In Thessalonians 5:16-22, The Bible teaches us:

16- Always rejoice,
17- Constantly pray,
18- In everything give thanks.
For this is God’s will for you…..
19- Do not extinguish the Spirit.
20 -Do not treat prophecies with contempt.
21- But examine all things; hold fast to what is good.
22- Stay away from every form of evil

Now, I can easily check off some of these ‘instructions’ in agreement. But when you were taken….a few of those instructions were harder to accept….. MUCH harder.

In the ‘in everything give thanks’ one, I had a hard time ever imagining giving thanks for losing you both. And the ‘do not extinguish the Spirit’ was difficult because it seemed like my Spirit had pretty much been extinguished at the time. But as the years have gone by, I have come to realize that resisting the fact that you were taken from us is a moot point and has no practical value or meaning, precisely because it had already happened. Of course I will always miss you each and every day, but resisting something that had already taken place would just cause me more pain if I could not accept the reality of ‘What Is’…. and find my own peace by being grateful that you had come into my life at all. 

The one that says to 'examine all things and hold fast to what is good' is very good advice. If we can remember to hold on to what is good.....our lives will be much more content than if we dwell on the things that aren't so good.  The one about evil can be taken as evil thoughts as well as people or situations. I would rather think thoughts of all the wonderful times we had together, than to dwell on the day that you both were taken away from us.

In realizing these truths, you gave me the gift of gratitude in knowing that each day truly is a gift and knowing this makes everything so much more precious to me. It makes me not sweat the small stuff….and it makes me notice the wonder of everyone and everything around me. You still give me my ‘forever smiles’ with memories of the many things we did together. You still touch my heart when I remember each of you as the baby we brought home and loved and cared for all those years ago. You give me the gift of feeling I was a good Mom and I must have done something right….because so many of your friends still keep in touch with me….even now….and they tell me how special you were. And even though I don’t really need reminders…..it is still nice to hear.

I know we will never get to be together on this Earth again, but you gave me the hope that we will be together again…one day. You also gave me the insight into how much pain I could endure and still be able to go on with my life. The pain was agonizing and the suffering was excruciating when we lost you, but you showed me that I was stronger than I had ever thought myself as being. If anyone would have told me that I would be able to go on after you left….I would have said they were crazy. But I have learned that no matter how terrible something in life can be….life does indeed go on. And I know that you loved me as much as I love you….and that you would want me to go on. Just as I would have wanted you to go on…had it been me that left that day.

So thank you for everything you gave to me and brought into my life while you were here…and thank you for all you have given me since you left….and thank you for all you continue to give me still….all these twenty years later.

I know in my heart of hearts, that I will see you again one day….and I will be soooo happy to see you and kiss you and hug you again. But in the meantime….I will be happy here with all that I still have to be grateful for. And there is much that I continue to say Grace over every day. I will keep noticing all the beauty and splendor of life for whatever time I have left on this Earth. And I will be grateful to you both for touching my life in such an awesome way.  I know you are happy for me that I am living life this way….and that I am striving to be happy each blessed day that I am given. And in this way, I feel that I honor the memory of you both.

I will be seeing you my sweethearts…..but not yet. Not yet because I still have much to do….and to love and to enjoy while I am here on this physical plane. There are still so many who cross my path….. that I can remind to hug their loved ones and their little children while they can, and to enjoy their spouses and parents while they still have them and everyone who means anything to them. So, you hug each other for me and know that I am loving you bunches and that I still miss you both very much and I know I always will.

Hugs and Mush -  Mom