Happy Birthday Son!

I couldn’t let this day go by without telling you Happy Birthday Terry. Today, you would have been 41 years old. How the time does fly! I can still picture your gorgeous face and I still smile when I think of all the laughs we had together. I miss you every day that goes by….but I am so grateful that we had the time we did together.

As the song goes, “This world was not ready for someone as beautiful as you.” When you were a baby, I cuddled you, bathed you, dressed you and fed you, but the thought of you becoming a grown man who would go on to becoming a Father himself, and later attaining the rank of Army Airborne Ranger never entered my mind back then. But I do remember my heart swelling with pride the day you were awarded your Ranger Tab, as though it was just yesterday. What a remarkable accomplishment! Becoming one of the Brotherhood of Premier Special Forces of our Military. You Rock Sweetie!

As you were growing up, Grandma Katie told me something that I often wondered about. She said there is a saying that goes, “A daughters your daughter all of your live, but your son is your son till he takes a wife.” I worried for nothing about that old saying….because you had so much love in your heart, that you loved your wife, your sisters (Tracey and Tiffany) and your baby boy so much… and you still had enough love to always include your Mom. You were by no means ever considered a Mamas Boy…but you did love me and I will cherish that love always. And I am so grateful that you always knew how much I loved you too.

You were a gentle hero to us girls after your Dad died. You protected us anytime you felt we needed you and I know that was a huge responsibility for someone so young. I remember one day that Tracey and I were up on the roof doing some painting on our home in Hollywood, when you happened to drive by and saw us up there and must have freaked, because you stopped and came right up on the roof to help us finish the chore! That’s my Boy….always our Super Hero.

A few months ago, Terry and Megan came over to visit us. Megan drove her brand new car to show us. You would love it. She drove Gommy and Terry over to visit Aunt Tracey, Uncle John, Samantha and Brandon. I was thinking the whole time, how proud you would be of your grown children. We had so much fun that day and we laughed together, just the way you and I used to do.

So I just wanted to say Happy Birthday Sweetie. I miss you bunches….but you are with me every day….along with Tiffany. I ‘feel’ and sense you both all the time. Tracey and I will always love and remember you forever and ever…. till we meet again. And in the words of Rossiter Worthington Raymond: “Life is eternal, love is immortal, and death is only a horizon; and a horizon is nothing, save the limit of our sight.” So, today at 5:12PM, I’ll be thinking of the moment you were born and I’ll blow you an extra kiss. Hugs & Mush- Mom

Bitter or Better?

Hello boys and girls. It's another glorious Saturday and another day to be grateful for our blessings. Gommy was 'Friended' by someone yesterday on Facebook who knew my daughter Tiffany. Tiffany died 18 years ago, along with my son Terry in a car accident. Gommy always gets excited to meet anyone who knew my special Angels. It is terribly hard to speak of them to people who weren't fortunate to have met them. This is because nothing I can say about them, would ever capture the essence of of their beautiful spirits.

But back to the new Friend. This woman had also lost a daughter and I could tell she is still struggling. Losing a child is the worse thing any parent will ever have to face. My husband had the occasion of meeting a couple who just lost their daughter to cancer recently and she was just a little over a year old. It doesn't matter how old your child is when they are taken from you. A mother is a mother all of her life. Even when her children are grown with children of their own.....a mom still sees her child as the person who she would give up her own life for.

My new Friend said that I must be a strong woman to have gone through what I did when my children were taken. But, I explained to her that we have a choice when something horrendous happens in our life. We can become bitter or we can look for a way to BE better. The couple who lost their precious little girl is having a golf tournament to honor her life and my husband will run it for them. The monies raised will go to finding a cure for cancer. This brings another thought to mind. Goms firmly believes that there are no coincidences.I feel these people were meant to cross paths with my hubby.....because he understands what they are going through. When Terry and Tiffany died, he put on a golf tournament to honor their memory and to award scholarships in their name at the high school they attended. These things we do in memory of our angels....help us to feel closer to them. It also is a way to do something good instead of becoming bitter and blaming the world for such a terrible situation.

Many people who have losses never seem to get over them. Sadly, they do become bitter and the rest of their lives are defined by the death. It is much more fulfilling, IMHO, to focus on the wonderful time that was shared with those loved ones. And if you only focus on the day they died.....you erase or minimize all the wonderful days that you shared with them.

Now, Gommy knows it isn't as easy as making up your mind to BE better and it will just happen. It is a process. No one is expected to be happy about what happened....but it did happen and there is no changing the facts. There is definitely a grieving process that one must go through. But the operative words here are 'go through'. It doesn't do any good to stay stuck in the grief. Your loved ones would not want you to be sad for the rest of your life. Just as you wouldn't want your loved ones to be sad forever after you die. Gommy hopes that after I am gone....that when my daughter Tracey or my husband or my Grands think of me....they will smile and have warm and fuzzy memories of me.

Bitterness is a toxic emotion. It skews your outlook on everything in life. Bitterness can eat away at you until there is nothing left but the dried up remains of the person you used to be before your loss. There is a story that explains bitterness pretty well. It goes like this:

'Once upon a time there were two brothers. The younger brother hated the older brother. He became the Bitter Brother. What did the older brother do to make the younger brother bitter? Who knows? I'll tell you who knows....the Bitter Brother knows. He knows and remembers with a vengeance and he wants revenge.

Bitter Brother just can't let it go. So he sets out to settle the score....His revenge gives him no rest and his resentment grows and grows. His pain creates more poison to feed the bitterness. He feels there is no solution for his resentment.

But the Lord had mercy for the Bitter Brother and He sent an angel to the Bitter Brother. He said, "The Lord has chosen you to receive a great gift. You may ask for riches, a long healthy life, successful children.....anything you wish. But there is one stipulation, because God wants to teach you a lesson. Whatever you get, your brother will get twice as much. If you receive one million dollars, your brother will receive two million dollars. If you ask to be famous, your brother will be twice as famous " The Bitter Brother thought for a moment, "You will give me anything I ask?" The angel said yes and the Bitter Brother said, "Then make me blind in one eye."

Now that is pretty bitter. And the reality of revenge is that no matter what the outcome is....whatever made the Bitter Brother so vengeful.....hasn't gone away. Bitterness is a destructive emotion and hurts everyone. It is like the old adage that says that anger and resentment is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die.

So, Gommys advice would be to listen to your heart. If you feel mad and consumed with anger over something that has happened in your life....you can know that that isn't how you are supposed to be feeling. On the flip side of those emotions, if you feel you are remembering your loved ones and cherishing the times you shared...you will feel your heart swell with love. And THAT my peeps is why we are here on Earth. It's all about love. Love does heal all. And the 'heart' never lies. So try to relive the happy times you shared with your loved ones. You can do it. Gommy is pulling for you! Hugs & Mush-Gommy