Hello boys and girls. Gommy just got back from visiting with my little grands so mommy and daddy could have a lunch together without wiping anyone's mouth except their own for a change. Not that they mind wiping their little angels mouths. In fact, Gommy has to practically force mommy to take a break away from the little ones sometimes. I don't blame her a bit. They are really adorable and so much fun to be around. But everyone needs a little change of scenery sometimes...even mommies and daddies.
But, after coming home and counting my blessings once more....I began reading the updates on Facebook. I came across a short video of a gathering that was held in Washington DC this weekend. A couple of comedy stars, with the help of some friends, got up this grassroots trip to DC to have a friendly demonstration to show that the politics of the day are way out of whack.
What with the.... all the time...every hour...unending talking heads on the cable TV shows, spouting off and then airing all the other people spouting off about their opinions...mostly vitriolic hatred....and the immediate and viral expediency of this trash talking stuff reaching everyone....I feel that it just ends up igniting those who are full of hate and bigotry anyway.
When did we get so full of hate again? I thought we left that mentality back in the Civil War Days when brother fought against brother, all in the name of disagreement.. "Civil' War? That is certainly an oxymoron if I have ever heard one! If you think about it....it still boils down to hating someone for not agreeing with you.
The ads for the politicians are so full of mud slinging and name calling, that it just turns ones stomach. But apparently not everyone's stomach...because they say that negative ads sell and people believe them! Geesh. Goms is pretty sure not too many people could stand up to the scrutiny (now they call it vetting) that a person has to go through to run for office. Most people have some skeletons in their closet that they would like to stay in the closet!
All of this got Goms to thinking about a man who lived over twenty-five Centuries ago. Let that sink in your mind for a minute....25 Centuries....long before there was any mention of Jesus Christ. So, how did this man named Lao Tzu, have the insight....foresight....awareness...or whatever it was, to write down the wonderful things he wrote?
Many people will just dismiss it when they think of it as Taoism. That is the 'tag' that is used on Lao Tzu's philosophy. But if you can stop thinking that it is different from your own religion....and just let the meaning of the words sink in, you may just learn something from a man who lived a very long time ago and seems to have pretty much figured out how to live in harmony, humility , happiness and peace. And isn't that pretty much what we all strive for anyway? If you just can't stop thinking of it as another religion (which it isn't...) just put the name God or Allah or Christ...or whatever you feel comfortable with, in place of The Tao, when you read the words. Gommy personally feels it is how God/Universe/Being/Source, thinks and would like us to think as well. There is nothing in the writings that would hurt a single person, fly, ant, plant or any other single thing in the world.
Here are a few examples of the very wise words of Lao Tzu, that Gommy would like to share:
1)I realize that all things change…therefore there is nothing for me to hold onto.
2)Do great things while they are still small. A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step..a tree grows from one seedling…a tower starts with one brick.
3)The less I care about the approval of others….the more approval I receive. I work in trusting all others to know their own highest nature…rather than imposing my own rules and regulations on them. Therefore, I am free to be myself, without having to live by anyone elses’ rules.
4)I attract cooperation when I release the need to control anyone’s life…including my own!
5)I am an immortal Spiritual Being…having a temporary human experience.
6)I gain by losing…I lose by gaining.
7)If you must be a radical….choose to be a radical in humility or to be radical in appreciation.
8)I do not need rules to be kind and just.
9)When my cup is full…I will quit pouring.
10)Fame or integrity: which is more important?Money or happiness: which is more valuable?Success or failure: which is more destructive? You choose.
11)If you look to others for fulfillment,you will never truly be fulfilled. If your happiness depends on money,you will never be happy with yourself.
12)Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are.When you realize there is nothing lacking,the whole world belongs to you.
13)The Tao (you can replace Tao with God here) never expects anything, yet through it all, things are done.
14)If powerful men and women could venture themselves in 'IT', the whole world would be transformed by itself, in its natural rhythms.People would be content with their simple, everyday lives, in harmony, and free of desire.
15)When there is no desire, all things are at peace.
16)If you want to shrink something,you must first allow it to expand.If you want to get rid of something,you must first allow it to flourish. If you want to take something,you must first allow it to be given.This is called the subtle perception of the way things are.
17)The soft overcomes the hard.The slow overcomes the fast.
18)Let your workings remain a mystery.
There are several more....but these resonated with me the most. Gommy can't find anything in any of these thoughts that are harmful to anyone or anything. And it may just be more beneficial to the world if we could and would live this way. But.....alas....we are all in charge of our own destiny.....or our life experiences. So, do as you will....but Gommy is going to work on trying to live this way and I bet life will seem happier, more harmonious and peaceful. Anyone who wants to try it is invited to come along with Gommy....you can do it....Gommy is pulling for you. Hugs & Mush, Gommy
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Yes Virginia...There is a God!
Hello Boys and Girls. Gommy has been studying about this consciousness 'stuff' and, awareness, God/Universe/Being/Source, etc… and for the life of me….I can’t understand how anyone can think this all just ‘happened’ in some Big Bang coincidence. There is too much perfection in everything from atmospheres, tides, flora-fauna, the planets, stars, galaxies and even in we humans. There are soooo many things that go on in a human body that we usually don’t even think about. Like; where are the words in your brain stored that is able to read this right now? What is making you breath in and out, keeping your heart beating, or having our white cells know which germ to attack and which to leave alone because it is healthy? Where is the color red or blue or green in your brain? Where was it before you had the thought of a particular color and brought it forth? Where are your emotions stored? How does grass grow on the sides of hills and mountains, that were not planted, so there isn’t erosion? Did you know the birds and other animals eat the seeds and then as they eliminate them from their systems….new grass is ‘planted’ elsewhere. Why does that happen? Just coincidence? I think not. It has been carefully orchestrated by a being much, much, much smarter than we could ever imagine with our miniscule understanding. I was reading about how Salmon find their way back home to spawn…..how Homing Pigeons also find their way back home, even if they are let loose hundreds of miles away….and how Bees ‘see’ differently than humans so they can find the different flowers they need for food and to germinate other flowers for procreation of the plant.
It got Gommy to thinking….hmmmmm. All of these creatures use and are actually energy in some form or fashion to navigate their way around. And seeing we are ALL made up of energy,….humans as well as animals, fish, flora (yes, even flowers, trees and plants are energy). We all remember learning about photosynthesis in Science class don’t we? (Photosynthesis - a metabolic pathway that converts light energy into chemical energy)…then we must all be interconnected by all of our energies ‘feeding’ off each other.
If anyone has ever wondered how God created everything to work precisely how it is supposed to work…..this is a little hint. It is how the Divine Laws of the Universe work all the time…whether or not you choose to believe them. God doesn’t have an ego, so don’t worry about hurting His feelings. He couldn’t be bothered by such nit-picky emotions, so he makes sure things keep working as they should whether you agree with His methods or not. Thank God…lol…God had to design everything to work perfectly…no matter what. That is why when bad stuff happens…..you shouldn’t blame God. Bad stuff just does happen. It isn't God trying to ruin your day or your life.
It mostly happens when we aren’t completely in the ‘NOW’. Think about the last time you tripped over something, or you had a fender bender, or you went passed the street you were supposed to turn on. You did those things when you had let your mind wander away from what your attention was supposed to be focused on.
The same thing happens when we are living in the past or looking forward to the future. We are not tending to our NOW. Our NOW is all we really have. So, it would be wise to nurture it….pay attention to it…. and savor it. While we are thinking of other stuff….our present NOW is not getting our very deserved undivided attention. That is when stuff happens that isn’t what we want to happen.
It can happen to a marriage, a job, raising a child….(fill in the blank here). That is why you hear people say….time flies or I can’t believe I am this age or what happened to my romantic marriage or my innocent children. Or I haven’t heard from my old friend (fill in the blank) in a long time. Or where did the time go? Gommy will tell you where it went….It went somewhere fast….when you weren’t paying any attention to it.
The only time that we don’t think of time is when we are so absorbed in something that we love, love, love doing that we don’t even think of a clock or the time. But what happens then, is that whatever it was that you were so engrossed in….turns out to have a wonderful outcome and is very rewarding and enjoyable. That works for raising your children, enjoying friendships, having a happy marriage or loving the work you do for your living.
So, take the time to enjoy the important things in life. It will be so much more enjoyable for you…I promise. You can do it….Gommy is pulling for you.
Oh....and in case you don’t believe Gommy about the birds and the bees and the flowers and the trees….here are some interesting facts (below) about how God made sure all this wonderful stuff we get to enjoy…. actually does work!!! It’s the Universal Laws at work folks….whether you believe it or not. Hugs & Mush, Gommy
How is it that homing pigeons find their way home?
This has been an area of intense research in recent years. It turns out that pigeons and a number of other species including bats have metal deposits in their heads. These metal deposits, hematite, are iron and they're magnetically sensitive. They use the Earth's magnetic field as a kind of compass (and you need energy to create a magnetic field). They know the sun rises in the east and sets in the west and so by using sunrise and sunset they are able to gain timing. They set their compass according to where the sun is at certain times. That gives them their compass directions. By changing their orientation relative to the Earth's magnetic field they are able to navigate. They use this as a broad directional cue. At the same time they also use visual cues because they have the hippocampus part of their brain, which registers where they are in relation to their environment.
How do salmon find the way back to their spawning grounds?
Scientists do not know exactly how a salmon "remembers" the way back to its native stream after an ocean journey possibly lasting several years and covering several thousand miles. They agree, however, that salmon, like homing pigeons, appear to have an innate compass or "search recognition" mechanism that does not rely on the sun, moon, stars, or physical signs. Some scientists theorize that the salmon's internal compass uses the tiny electrical voltages, generated by ocean currents, moving through the earth's magnetic field. Others believe that the salmon's homing mechanism may take its cues from the varying salinities (levels of saltiness) of the water or the specific smells encountered along the journey.
Can Bees See Color?
Yes, which is how bees can navigate (using the sun as a reference) even on a cloudy day, because Ultraviolet light passes through clouds. Just as we see the sun in a blue sky background on a clear day, theBee sees the sun in an ultraviolet sky background on even a cloudy day. The underlying reason that the sky appears ultraviolet to a bee (and blue to us) is that something happens to the sun's rays when they hit charged particles. These charged particles are in the ionosphere and in Nitrogen and Oxygen "dipoles" in the atmosphere. The sun's radiation will cause the charged particle to vibrate, and when the charged particle vibrates it re-radiates energy. If you work out the mathematics (physics) of this re-radiation, it turns out that the energy is re-radiated in proportion to the fourth power of the frequency (as discovered by Raleigh in the 1800's and worked out with a more accurate distribution formula by Einstein early in the 20th century). For humans, who have eyes that have blue, yellow and red sensors, the fourth power formula means that blue from the sky is ten times stronger than red, so the sky looks blue. Similarly, for bees (and other insects), the highest frequency sensors in their eyes detect ultraviolet), and so the sky appears ultraviolet to them.
TOLD YA’ ;-)))
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
I Miss You
Today is 18 years since my son Terry and daughter Tiffany were killed in a car accident. It seems like yesterday that the horrendous news of them dying burned a hole in my heart and in my life. The loss of a child is the most life altering tragedy imaginable. While you were once a mother of three….in the blink of an eye…..you are without two of your three children.
When you have children who have died…..there comes a time when there is a problem with explaining your circumstances to people when they ask, “How many children do you have?” What you want to say is that you have three children…..but in reality you have one living and two that are no longer of this earth. No matter what the circumstances…..I will always be the mother of three…. but do I dare go into a long explanation of my whole life situation? What I have come to learn over time is that the moment you say you have lost children…the other person begins to actually squirm and recoil right in front of you and you feel yourself becoming sorry for THEM. This is because you can see that they don’t have any idea of what to say after you answer what is usually quite a benign question.
But you don’t want to NOT include your other children in the picture. You still love them as much as ever. You still cherish the time you spent with them. You still wonder what they would look like today…..what music they would like…..what TV shows or movies they might like to watch. There isn’t a day that goes by that you don’t think of them in some way or have some memory of the time you did spend with them. This time of the year is always a paradox for me too, in that I used to LOVE the Fall of the year and now when I am enjoying it, the memory of the accident returns…..and it makes me wish we could just delete October 26 from all calendars.
Just the other day I went to the Mall and passed a Wet Seal clothing store. My Tiffany loved that store. Tiff was really into Fashion. So, I just smiled as I walked by and said (actually aloud, but softly enough so no one would think I was batty), “Hey Tiff….bet you’d like to be shopping in there today.” And I surely wish that I was shopping in there with her toooooo……sigh……
And every time I see someone on a motorcycle, I think of my gorgeous son Terry. He loved motorcycles. He even raced them at motorcycle track venues. YIKES…too scary for me to have watched, but he certainly did enjoy riding his 'bike'. His two children are pretty much grown now. Megan is 18 and Terry will be 20 in January. My Terry would be so proud of his kids. I can still see him carrying his Terry around when we was a baby, as if he was the first and only child ever born. His love just oozed out all over him. Now that LLT is grown…it is eerie to see how much he looks like his Dad. They are both hunky hunks…..(spoken like a true Mom and Gommy, right?). LLT is planning on going into the Army and becoming an Airborne Ranger, just like his Dad. Terry never had the opportunity to meet Megan because he died before he could see her. But he would be super proud of her as well. She is a sweetheart, funny like her Dad, a caring human being, a very smart girl and a beauty all wrapped up in one special ‘package’.
So, do I miss my beautiful children? You bet I do. But I have the most wonderful memories of the special times we shared that all I have to do is close my eyes and relive them, any time I want (and I want A LOT….and often!). Do I still grieve? Yes, but not in the cloying way when we first learned of their accident. I will always grieve but I am also very grateful for having had them in my life. Do I wish I could see their beautiful faces again or hear their sweet voice call me Mom again…..ahhhh…..yes, yes, yes!!! But there is a saying that goes, ‘Don’t cry because it ended….smile because it happened.’ Boy, is that ever a truism. I would not trade one single minute of the awesome times we shared. I read a beautiful thought somewhere…it said, “Even the most exquisite silk will remain intact if you pull out a thread…..but the snag will always show.” That is how it is when we lose a member of our family. The family is still somewhat intact….but the absence is always felt. And just as poignant is the wording from an Irish Headstone: “Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.” Amen to that!
But somehow, in the rubble of what was left of the “Me”, the me I always pictured myself as….was the crack in my awareness that led me to the beginning of knowing what life’s purpose is all about. I knew I had to stay around for my beautiful daughter Tracey and for that I am most grateful. Because she has since given me many more blessings to be thankful for in her wonderful and sweet family. And the adult friendship between a mother and a daughter that we share is extraordinary.
Several years later, I found myself facing serious financial woes from the upside down economy…. and the once again, all too familiar uncertainty of the path that my journey was leading me. But I then became aware that in losing all material wealth, and having nothing else to lose in that area of my life….that my journey was once again showing me life lessons to grow from. The realization that I have and have always had…all I need in life... and that everything that has happened to me along the way and everything that will never happen to me…..all make up ‘Me’. I still have the most amazing family and friends, whether I have material things or not. I still had been blessed with three amazing children that showed me how deep love can be. But I had to lose me (or what I thought comprised ‘me’) to find me….ironic isn’t it? I have come to learn that it takes a thunderous jolt in life to begin searching and finding your spirituality. When all is well….there is no need. I think if you speak to most people who search…..you will find that something earth shattering occurred that began their journey.
As I said, I still have so many blessings in my life. I have a great husband to share the rest of my journey with and I find comfort in that sharing. I have the most amazing daughter Tracey. She is my friend as well as my daughter. Tracey has a great husband, John and they have two beautiful children (Samantha and Brandon) who my husband and I get to spend time with and still make beautiful memories with. And my husband’s son Michael has a beautiful daughter Kyra with his fiancée Fio, who we get to see and be with and enjoy. And my Tracey is an awesome Aunt to Megan and Terry. She loves them dearly and would do anything for them. Just as Terry & Tiffany would be such a great Aunt and Uncle to Tracey’s children and to their stepbrother Michael’s daughter Kyra. Boy, time sure does march on. My son Terry’s wife Deana has stayed close to us all of these years and still keeps in touch with us. And my grown-up grands, Megan and Terry come visit when time allows in their very busy life. Life IS good!!!! Thank you God…..
Over the past year, Terry & Megan (and my daughter Tracey and I) have had the awesome opportunity of connecting with some of my Terry’s Army Ranger buddies through Facebook. It is truly amazing to see their pictures of Terry that I have never seen and read the kind words of what a special human being, friend and role model Terry was for them. Thanks guys. It means a lot to our family.
A dear friend of mine sent me an email about the word DASH the other day. The idea was that when we die, the date of our birth and the date of our death are put on a headstone. In between those two dates, is a dash. The dash represents the life of the person. All of the people, events, ups and downs and the loves of the person are in that dash. I am so very grateful that I was in the ‘DASH’ of Terry and Tiffanys’ life.
I often hear people say they tell their stories to help others who may have to face the same thing they have had to face. If my story can help any other parent who has or may still be faced with the overwhelming sadness that comes with the loss of a child, then I am glad if I helped a bit. I hope they can take away from my story that we can survive such unbelievable grief.…that there will come a time when you can think of your loved ones and smile without sobbing…. And you will eventually get to the place where you can soften that grief or perhaps replace some of it with the gratitude of having had them in your life. So, here’s to two very wonderful, special, deeply loved and very missed children…..my babies. And you will always be my babies. I love you Terry and Tiffany and I will…forever and ever. We all miss you bunches and we will never forget you! It’s another year away from you….but maybe it’s just another year closer to seeing you once again. Thank you for being a special part of my journey. Hugs & Mush, Mom
When you have children who have died…..there comes a time when there is a problem with explaining your circumstances to people when they ask, “How many children do you have?” What you want to say is that you have three children…..but in reality you have one living and two that are no longer of this earth. No matter what the circumstances…..I will always be the mother of three…. but do I dare go into a long explanation of my whole life situation? What I have come to learn over time is that the moment you say you have lost children…the other person begins to actually squirm and recoil right in front of you and you feel yourself becoming sorry for THEM. This is because you can see that they don’t have any idea of what to say after you answer what is usually quite a benign question.
But you don’t want to NOT include your other children in the picture. You still love them as much as ever. You still cherish the time you spent with them. You still wonder what they would look like today…..what music they would like…..what TV shows or movies they might like to watch. There isn’t a day that goes by that you don’t think of them in some way or have some memory of the time you did spend with them. This time of the year is always a paradox for me too, in that I used to LOVE the Fall of the year and now when I am enjoying it, the memory of the accident returns…..and it makes me wish we could just delete October 26 from all calendars.
Just the other day I went to the Mall and passed a Wet Seal clothing store. My Tiffany loved that store. Tiff was really into Fashion. So, I just smiled as I walked by and said (actually aloud, but softly enough so no one would think I was batty), “Hey Tiff….bet you’d like to be shopping in there today.” And I surely wish that I was shopping in there with her toooooo……sigh……
And every time I see someone on a motorcycle, I think of my gorgeous son Terry. He loved motorcycles. He even raced them at motorcycle track venues. YIKES…too scary for me to have watched, but he certainly did enjoy riding his 'bike'. His two children are pretty much grown now. Megan is 18 and Terry will be 20 in January. My Terry would be so proud of his kids. I can still see him carrying his Terry around when we was a baby, as if he was the first and only child ever born. His love just oozed out all over him. Now that LLT is grown…it is eerie to see how much he looks like his Dad. They are both hunky hunks…..(spoken like a true Mom and Gommy, right?). LLT is planning on going into the Army and becoming an Airborne Ranger, just like his Dad. Terry never had the opportunity to meet Megan because he died before he could see her. But he would be super proud of her as well. She is a sweetheart, funny like her Dad, a caring human being, a very smart girl and a beauty all wrapped up in one special ‘package’.
So, do I miss my beautiful children? You bet I do. But I have the most wonderful memories of the special times we shared that all I have to do is close my eyes and relive them, any time I want (and I want A LOT….and often!). Do I still grieve? Yes, but not in the cloying way when we first learned of their accident. I will always grieve but I am also very grateful for having had them in my life. Do I wish I could see their beautiful faces again or hear their sweet voice call me Mom again…..ahhhh…..yes, yes, yes!!! But there is a saying that goes, ‘Don’t cry because it ended….smile because it happened.’ Boy, is that ever a truism. I would not trade one single minute of the awesome times we shared. I read a beautiful thought somewhere…it said, “Even the most exquisite silk will remain intact if you pull out a thread…..but the snag will always show.” That is how it is when we lose a member of our family. The family is still somewhat intact….but the absence is always felt. And just as poignant is the wording from an Irish Headstone: “Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.” Amen to that!
But somehow, in the rubble of what was left of the “Me”, the me I always pictured myself as….was the crack in my awareness that led me to the beginning of knowing what life’s purpose is all about. I knew I had to stay around for my beautiful daughter Tracey and for that I am most grateful. Because she has since given me many more blessings to be thankful for in her wonderful and sweet family. And the adult friendship between a mother and a daughter that we share is extraordinary.
Several years later, I found myself facing serious financial woes from the upside down economy…. and the once again, all too familiar uncertainty of the path that my journey was leading me. But I then became aware that in losing all material wealth, and having nothing else to lose in that area of my life….that my journey was once again showing me life lessons to grow from. The realization that I have and have always had…all I need in life... and that everything that has happened to me along the way and everything that will never happen to me…..all make up ‘Me’. I still have the most amazing family and friends, whether I have material things or not. I still had been blessed with three amazing children that showed me how deep love can be. But I had to lose me (or what I thought comprised ‘me’) to find me….ironic isn’t it? I have come to learn that it takes a thunderous jolt in life to begin searching and finding your spirituality. When all is well….there is no need. I think if you speak to most people who search…..you will find that something earth shattering occurred that began their journey.
As I said, I still have so many blessings in my life. I have a great husband to share the rest of my journey with and I find comfort in that sharing. I have the most amazing daughter Tracey. She is my friend as well as my daughter. Tracey has a great husband, John and they have two beautiful children (Samantha and Brandon) who my husband and I get to spend time with and still make beautiful memories with. And my husband’s son Michael has a beautiful daughter Kyra with his fiancée Fio, who we get to see and be with and enjoy. And my Tracey is an awesome Aunt to Megan and Terry. She loves them dearly and would do anything for them. Just as Terry & Tiffany would be such a great Aunt and Uncle to Tracey’s children and to their stepbrother Michael’s daughter Kyra. Boy, time sure does march on. My son Terry’s wife Deana has stayed close to us all of these years and still keeps in touch with us. And my grown-up grands, Megan and Terry come visit when time allows in their very busy life. Life IS good!!!! Thank you God…..
Over the past year, Terry & Megan (and my daughter Tracey and I) have had the awesome opportunity of connecting with some of my Terry’s Army Ranger buddies through Facebook. It is truly amazing to see their pictures of Terry that I have never seen and read the kind words of what a special human being, friend and role model Terry was for them. Thanks guys. It means a lot to our family.
A dear friend of mine sent me an email about the word DASH the other day. The idea was that when we die, the date of our birth and the date of our death are put on a headstone. In between those two dates, is a dash. The dash represents the life of the person. All of the people, events, ups and downs and the loves of the person are in that dash. I am so very grateful that I was in the ‘DASH’ of Terry and Tiffanys’ life.
I often hear people say they tell their stories to help others who may have to face the same thing they have had to face. If my story can help any other parent who has or may still be faced with the overwhelming sadness that comes with the loss of a child, then I am glad if I helped a bit. I hope they can take away from my story that we can survive such unbelievable grief.…that there will come a time when you can think of your loved ones and smile without sobbing…. And you will eventually get to the place where you can soften that grief or perhaps replace some of it with the gratitude of having had them in your life. So, here’s to two very wonderful, special, deeply loved and very missed children…..my babies. And you will always be my babies. I love you Terry and Tiffany and I will…forever and ever. We all miss you bunches and we will never forget you! It’s another year away from you….but maybe it’s just another year closer to seeing you once again. Thank you for being a special part of my journey. Hugs & Mush, Mom
Monday, October 18, 2010
Here's Your Wake-Up Call Again Goms!!!
Hello boys and girls. Hope everyone is well and enjoying the blessings we all share. This weekend was another....."knock-knock....is anybody home?" kind of lesson to put in my journal on life.
The weekend started off with a reunion of a bunch of friends getting together who had worked at the same restaurant that Gommy worked at many moons ago. It was so wonderful to see everyone and many came from very far away. Goms was lucky in that Grandpa and I live close by and didn't have to fly in to celebrate with everyone. The wake-up part for Gommy was that it had been over twenty-five years since some of us had seen each other. It makes you realize how fleeting time really is.....and it also makes you wonder if you had used all those years to the best of your abilities.
The second part of my wake-up weekend was spent visiting Grandpa's mom in a convalescent home. She is not doing well and we were very sad to see her so ill. Nana has always been so full of life and has always had a mind that is as sharp as a tack! The whole family would call her when they couldn't think of a movie-star from a certain movie, or the name of a neighbor from long ago, or the name of the store on this street or that.....This was before you could look up all this stuff on the Internet. She always knew the answer. She and granddaddy always came to all the children's celebrations. Birthdays, baptisms, graduations....you name it. They were always there to celebrate with everyone. Granddaddy has since passed and up until very recently, Nana was still able to get it together and get going! The nagging in the back of my head kept reminding me that it was 'only' twenty-six years ago that Nana was the age Gommy is today! And it seems like just yesterday when I look back.
Grandpa & Gommys' little sixteen month old granddaughter Kyra went along as well with her mommy and daddy. The stark difference in the age of this sweet little child and her sweet great-grandmother was very obvious in the setting of an old aged home. There was this energetic, happy, frolicking youth displayed in little Kyra and then there was the reality that many of these people were at the very end of their lives and just waiting.....waiting to leave their life here on Earth. As we were leaving and going down corridor after corridor of people sitting in wheelchairs....it seemed like I was watching a movie where the people were all lined up and waiting for someone to come to take them to their final destination. You could see how much life little Kyra brought to the 'home'. The older patients just oohed and ahhed over her youthful energy. It is always that way when someone very old sees a baby or toddler. It is the reality that life is just beginning for the little one. And life has already been spent for the older ones.
There was also a younger man there (around 35), who looked as if he either had a disease that crippled him or had been paralyzed from something else. It was very sad to think that he would be living the rest of his life in this environment. He was in a wheelchair and I noticed he was just chatting with a male nurse and it was obvious that the reason was because the male nurse was the closest person around who he could relate to.
Talk about counting your blessings!!! Gommy was counting and recounting them all the way home. And I am still thinking about how blessed I am to this very minute. We take for granted that we will always be able to take care of ourselves. And that we will have the option to just get up and go whenever we feel like it. Well peeps....there are no guarantees in life and Goms would suggest we take a little time to realize how blessed we are to be able to do these things.
The next time you find yourself complaining about anything....think about the poor person who doesn't have your options. Don't like your job? I bet someone out there would like to have your job. To feel good about themselves again. To not have to depend on their parents or friends or other relatives for help. Don't like to have to cook dinner? Think of those people who are homeless and don't have dinner every night. Don't like the shape you find your body in lately? Thank your lucky stars that you don't have to be taking chemotherapy or radiation treatments to cure a cancer somewhere in that body. Gommy doesn't want to be a Debbie-Downer....but we could all use a swift kick in the butt at times to give us a reality check.
Of course, hindsight is always 20/20 - because if we had a crystal ball....we may have done certain things differently. Goms, for one thing, would surely have squeezed out every single ounce from the joyous times spent with those that are no longer with me. And I would have watched my finances more prudently and I would have been kinder at certain times and.... And............wait a minute.......if I hadn't had all the life experiences I have had.....would I still be Gommy? Would I be a better me? A worse me? I'll never know those answers will I? You know why? Because that isn't the way it works.
Let me let you in on a little secret. The very reason we do go through all that we do.....is to learn our life lessons. Those of us who don't use the lessons to get it right.....have to repeat the lessons over and over....until we do get it. Sadly some never seem to get it. You can tell those people by the vacant look in their eyes, by the sadness they show, by the anger they have built up inside, by the blame they place elsewhere, by the crutches they have become dependent on (drugs, alcohol, overeating, abusing those less able to defend themselves, etc.) This is not a finger-pointing session in any way. All of those crutches are very real diseases. And no one can cure the disease except the person who is afflicted. We can point to the direction of help....but until they are ready.....it isn't going to work.
It is the same with finding happiness. I read somewhere that when we continue to look for happiness.....it is like trying to catch a butterfly...it is always just out of reach. And when we do have moments of real happiness...we are likely to tire of it eventually and search for the next 'fix' of whatever will make us happy again. I guess that is why you hear of so many stars who are addicted. Gommy used to wonder how or why they needed to get high when they seemed to have everything. Goms says 'used to' because I have come to learn that happiness isn't something to search for....we already have it. We have everything we need. If we just look around. There is abundance everywhere.
And another little secret that is actually hard to grasp......but is very true.....is that whatever you are withholding from others, is the very thing that you are searching for. Gommy had a hard time with this one herself. It is a slippery thought that if you don't have something....and you give it...it will come to you. I know!!!!! Hard to wrap you mind around. But the Bible also says in Luke 6: 38: Give, and (gifts) will be given to you; good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over, will they pour into the pouch formed by the bosom of your robe and used as a bag. For with the measure you deal out with the measure you use when you confer benefits on others, it will be measured back to you.
You hear on TV all the time about how we are going to run out of this or run out of that.....NOT. Can't you see that there is always enough. At least in most places. Gommy isn't talking about third world countries. I'm talking about right here in America.
But back to the wake-up call. Please take the time to notice how wonderful it is to be able to take a bath by yourself. Be grateful for that bologna sandwich you made for lunch yesterday. When you snuggle into your bed tonight....be thankful that you have a bed to snuggle in. And may every day be a day to start out with the feeling of gratitude in your heart.
Take Gommy's advice boys and girls. Life goes by in the blink of an eye. Try to be a gentler, kinder, more appreciative 'you'. It is really a much more pleasant way to live. Like they always say....'take a little time to smell the roses along the way.' All those sayings are true. Like....'life is short'...or 'don't sweat the small stuff', 'live and let live'...they are all good ways to look at life. Enjoy the many blessings we all share. You can do it.....Gommy is pulling for you. Hugs & Mush, Gommy
The weekend started off with a reunion of a bunch of friends getting together who had worked at the same restaurant that Gommy worked at many moons ago. It was so wonderful to see everyone and many came from very far away. Goms was lucky in that Grandpa and I live close by and didn't have to fly in to celebrate with everyone. The wake-up part for Gommy was that it had been over twenty-five years since some of us had seen each other. It makes you realize how fleeting time really is.....and it also makes you wonder if you had used all those years to the best of your abilities.
The second part of my wake-up weekend was spent visiting Grandpa's mom in a convalescent home. She is not doing well and we were very sad to see her so ill. Nana has always been so full of life and has always had a mind that is as sharp as a tack! The whole family would call her when they couldn't think of a movie-star from a certain movie, or the name of a neighbor from long ago, or the name of the store on this street or that.....This was before you could look up all this stuff on the Internet. She always knew the answer. She and granddaddy always came to all the children's celebrations. Birthdays, baptisms, graduations....you name it. They were always there to celebrate with everyone. Granddaddy has since passed and up until very recently, Nana was still able to get it together and get going! The nagging in the back of my head kept reminding me that it was 'only' twenty-six years ago that Nana was the age Gommy is today! And it seems like just yesterday when I look back.
Grandpa & Gommys' little sixteen month old granddaughter Kyra went along as well with her mommy and daddy. The stark difference in the age of this sweet little child and her sweet great-grandmother was very obvious in the setting of an old aged home. There was this energetic, happy, frolicking youth displayed in little Kyra and then there was the reality that many of these people were at the very end of their lives and just waiting.....waiting to leave their life here on Earth. As we were leaving and going down corridor after corridor of people sitting in wheelchairs....it seemed like I was watching a movie where the people were all lined up and waiting for someone to come to take them to their final destination. You could see how much life little Kyra brought to the 'home'. The older patients just oohed and ahhed over her youthful energy. It is always that way when someone very old sees a baby or toddler. It is the reality that life is just beginning for the little one. And life has already been spent for the older ones.
There was also a younger man there (around 35), who looked as if he either had a disease that crippled him or had been paralyzed from something else. It was very sad to think that he would be living the rest of his life in this environment. He was in a wheelchair and I noticed he was just chatting with a male nurse and it was obvious that the reason was because the male nurse was the closest person around who he could relate to.
Talk about counting your blessings!!! Gommy was counting and recounting them all the way home. And I am still thinking about how blessed I am to this very minute. We take for granted that we will always be able to take care of ourselves. And that we will have the option to just get up and go whenever we feel like it. Well peeps....there are no guarantees in life and Goms would suggest we take a little time to realize how blessed we are to be able to do these things.
The next time you find yourself complaining about anything....think about the poor person who doesn't have your options. Don't like your job? I bet someone out there would like to have your job. To feel good about themselves again. To not have to depend on their parents or friends or other relatives for help. Don't like to have to cook dinner? Think of those people who are homeless and don't have dinner every night. Don't like the shape you find your body in lately? Thank your lucky stars that you don't have to be taking chemotherapy or radiation treatments to cure a cancer somewhere in that body. Gommy doesn't want to be a Debbie-Downer....but we could all use a swift kick in the butt at times to give us a reality check.
Of course, hindsight is always 20/20 - because if we had a crystal ball....we may have done certain things differently. Goms, for one thing, would surely have squeezed out every single ounce from the joyous times spent with those that are no longer with me. And I would have watched my finances more prudently and I would have been kinder at certain times and.... And............wait a minute.......if I hadn't had all the life experiences I have had.....would I still be Gommy? Would I be a better me? A worse me? I'll never know those answers will I? You know why? Because that isn't the way it works.
Let me let you in on a little secret. The very reason we do go through all that we do.....is to learn our life lessons. Those of us who don't use the lessons to get it right.....have to repeat the lessons over and over....until we do get it. Sadly some never seem to get it. You can tell those people by the vacant look in their eyes, by the sadness they show, by the anger they have built up inside, by the blame they place elsewhere, by the crutches they have become dependent on (drugs, alcohol, overeating, abusing those less able to defend themselves, etc.) This is not a finger-pointing session in any way. All of those crutches are very real diseases. And no one can cure the disease except the person who is afflicted. We can point to the direction of help....but until they are ready.....it isn't going to work.
It is the same with finding happiness. I read somewhere that when we continue to look for happiness.....it is like trying to catch a butterfly...it is always just out of reach. And when we do have moments of real happiness...we are likely to tire of it eventually and search for the next 'fix' of whatever will make us happy again. I guess that is why you hear of so many stars who are addicted. Gommy used to wonder how or why they needed to get high when they seemed to have everything. Goms says 'used to' because I have come to learn that happiness isn't something to search for....we already have it. We have everything we need. If we just look around. There is abundance everywhere.
And another little secret that is actually hard to grasp......but is very true.....is that whatever you are withholding from others, is the very thing that you are searching for. Gommy had a hard time with this one herself. It is a slippery thought that if you don't have something....and you give it...it will come to you. I know!!!!! Hard to wrap you mind around. But the Bible also says in Luke 6: 38: Give, and (gifts) will be given to you; good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over, will they pour into the pouch formed by the bosom of your robe and used as a bag. For with the measure you deal out with the measure you use when you confer benefits on others, it will be measured back to you.
You hear on TV all the time about how we are going to run out of this or run out of that.....NOT. Can't you see that there is always enough. At least in most places. Gommy isn't talking about third world countries. I'm talking about right here in America.
But back to the wake-up call. Please take the time to notice how wonderful it is to be able to take a bath by yourself. Be grateful for that bologna sandwich you made for lunch yesterday. When you snuggle into your bed tonight....be thankful that you have a bed to snuggle in. And may every day be a day to start out with the feeling of gratitude in your heart.
Take Gommy's advice boys and girls. Life goes by in the blink of an eye. Try to be a gentler, kinder, more appreciative 'you'. It is really a much more pleasant way to live. Like they always say....'take a little time to smell the roses along the way.' All those sayings are true. Like....'life is short'...or 'don't sweat the small stuff', 'live and let live'...they are all good ways to look at life. Enjoy the many blessings we all share. You can do it.....Gommy is pulling for you. Hugs & Mush, Gommy
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Stuff the Guilt!
Hello boys and girls. Mostly the girls today though. Gommys' blog title can be meant two ways.....Stuff the guilt (meaning keep pushing in down), or STUFF the guilt (meaning to stuff it....and you know where!).
Most girls, women and especially Mommies, know all too well how to stuff down our guilt about a plethora of feelings, deeds, expectations, etc. Those mommies out there know exactly what Gommy is talking about. Well, Goms is giving you all permission.....right here in writing....to STUFF it wherever it will be out of sight and out of your mind once and for all.
You know the 'stuff' Goms is talking about. The old....'should I make a 5 course dinner tonight or just give them the mac and cheese and fish sticks that they love anyway?' Remember that it isn't poison...it is just convenient. Or , 'Should I take them to yet ANOTHER Princess or Cowboy themed party on Saturday, or spend the day at home in our own pool and relax? Should I skip the next play-date with that unbearable brat and her affected mother or have a sitter come by and go have a massage?' Or am I a horrible Mom because I let them watch a TV show so I don't go bonkers, because they are still for one half hour a day while they are watching their Super Hero or their alter-ego being saved by some Prince somewhere?" Gommy could go on here, but I think you get my drift. The only real harm you may be doing is letting them believe there actually is a knight in shining armor waiting to treat them like princesses somewhere! lol
All Moms, throughout the ages, have struggled with trying to be the best Mom they can be. But you know what? You will always be the best Mom to your kids.....no matter how much you do or don't deprive yourself of, or how hard you try to keep all the plates up in the air or let a few fall to the floor. Your kids love you just because you are their Mom. PERIOD.
Another thing to keep in mind is that if you are haggard, ragged and tired....you will not be at your best anyway, so take care of Mommy first, so there will be something left to nurture with. I know.....you are thinking, 'But that is so selfish!" Uh...and what is your point? How can Moms be expected to care for others when she is so tired from the demands put on her that she doesn't even know WHO she is any longer? And another thing....that term..."Working Mother" is quite redundant....don't you think? DUH. A wife and mother is never without something to do and rarely does something nice JUST for herself. So Moms......pay attention. Gommy says to take a little time for yourself along the way. You will enjoy the whole experience much more. I promise.
And don't say that it isn't possible to take some time for yourself. That isn't exactly true is it? What would you do if you got sick? You would have to let other people take over if you came down with the flu wouldn't you? So....take advantage of a grandparent to watch your little ones....or your spouse could give you a night off with the girls or to do something you would like to do just for yourself. Oh, and here's a little hint....when you leave for that occasional date or whatever it is you must leave your Ivory Tower for, and as you are leaving, those sobbing little ones who are clinging and reaching out for you are pouring on the guilt.....don't give it another thought because they stop crying the moment the door shuts. Sorry kiddies.....I love you to bits...but that little secret needs to be out in the open! Gommy has witnessed it many times for herself!
Another thing to remember is to NOT compare yourself or your child to other people. You don't have any idea what is going on in their lives. Their perfect little one may be perfect out and a total diaper dictator at home. Or the other Mommy may seem all put together and have everything under control but is masking a deeper need to 'seem' as if everything is hunky-dory!
And remember when you were beating yourself up about having a hard time breast feeding? And you let those 'other' people (including your husband) make you feel you weren't 'enough' because the pain and cracked, bleeding nipples was a fault of your not being good enough at your mommy-ism-ness....(is that a word...well it should be...lol). If you could only attach the vacuum to their nipples and every so often use your nail file on them until they bleed and attach the vacuum again...maybe they would 'get it'. I know....Ouch....but that is what some mommies go through in trying to be the best Mom in the world.
And here is another little secret for you Moms....most people.....no matter what they tell you....have yelled at their child before. Unless you are a woman with nerves of steel or are on medication, i.e Xanax and/or copious amounts of wine....your kids do get on your last nerve at times. Just as your husband gets on your nerves at times too. And in the spirit of equal fairness....moms get on their husbands and kids nerves as well. But do not beat yourself up for yelling at the kids sometimes. Just take it as a reminder that it is time for another 'Mommy Break'...or call it timeout for Mommy if you will. And for the rest of the story......the kids aren't scarred for life from your losing it some times. You can ask any person over the age of 40 if their parents yelled and/or spanked them and most will tell you absolutely yesssssss. And we are pretty well adjusted individuals for the most part. It is only the last generation that started with the coddling their children so much that the kids are the bosses of the house instead of the parents. Remember...those little angels are masters and mistresses of manipulation. Just watch them in action when they play mom and dad against each other.....Stay firm and strong. A house divided will definitely fall!
And look where all this leniency has led. Children so abusive that they cause their school chums to commit suicide, or they shoot up their classmates while in some bizarre social misfit gang, or they can have no conscience and are able to actually light another student on fire, or secretly tape them doing something personal and putting it online for others to watch for 'entertainment'....or bully others constantly about their sexual persuasion and many other terrible things we hear all too often on the news. How is that working out for those parents who thought they were practicing 'good parenting rules' by not hurting their childs' self-esteem?
Ok.....now you get the idea that it isn't advisable to allow yourself to have the nasty 'Mommy Guilt'. It is easy and normal to fall into the trap of it....but it isn't wise to wallow in it. We all grow up eventually and we mostly all survive how our own parents parented us. It is so easy to blame Mom for everything in our lives that went wrong.... but when we BECOME Moms....we begin to realize it was much easier to be the BEST Mom before we actually became a Mom.
So..pat yourself on the back (cause you probably won't get many from anyone else) and give yourself a break once in a while. Rejoin the human race (the one where the people are over 4 feet tall). You will be a better Mom for it and if you need another pep talk.....just send Gommy a message at the end of this blog. Goms is pulling for you Mommies of the World! Good job....and Gommy is also sending you all a high five and a virtual pat on the back!!!!
There is a happy ending to this story. It is called becoming a Gommy. All the love and happiness.....none of the responsibility...... or the dreaded guilt......(you may now picture this Gommy smiling).....Hugs & Mush, Gommy
Most girls, women and especially Mommies, know all too well how to stuff down our guilt about a plethora of feelings, deeds, expectations, etc. Those mommies out there know exactly what Gommy is talking about. Well, Goms is giving you all permission.....right here in writing....to STUFF it wherever it will be out of sight and out of your mind once and for all.
You know the 'stuff' Goms is talking about. The old....'should I make a 5 course dinner tonight or just give them the mac and cheese and fish sticks that they love anyway?' Remember that it isn't poison...it is just convenient. Or , 'Should I take them to yet ANOTHER Princess or Cowboy themed party on Saturday, or spend the day at home in our own pool and relax? Should I skip the next play-date with that unbearable brat and her affected mother or have a sitter come by and go have a massage?' Or am I a horrible Mom because I let them watch a TV show so I don't go bonkers, because they are still for one half hour a day while they are watching their Super Hero or their alter-ego being saved by some Prince somewhere?" Gommy could go on here, but I think you get my drift. The only real harm you may be doing is letting them believe there actually is a knight in shining armor waiting to treat them like princesses somewhere! lol
All Moms, throughout the ages, have struggled with trying to be the best Mom they can be. But you know what? You will always be the best Mom to your kids.....no matter how much you do or don't deprive yourself of, or how hard you try to keep all the plates up in the air or let a few fall to the floor. Your kids love you just because you are their Mom. PERIOD.
Another thing to keep in mind is that if you are haggard, ragged and tired....you will not be at your best anyway, so take care of Mommy first, so there will be something left to nurture with. I know.....you are thinking, 'But that is so selfish!" Uh...and what is your point? How can Moms be expected to care for others when she is so tired from the demands put on her that she doesn't even know WHO she is any longer? And another thing....that term..."Working Mother" is quite redundant....don't you think? DUH. A wife and mother is never without something to do and rarely does something nice JUST for herself. So Moms......pay attention. Gommy says to take a little time for yourself along the way. You will enjoy the whole experience much more. I promise.
And don't say that it isn't possible to take some time for yourself. That isn't exactly true is it? What would you do if you got sick? You would have to let other people take over if you came down with the flu wouldn't you? So....take advantage of a grandparent to watch your little ones....or your spouse could give you a night off with the girls or to do something you would like to do just for yourself. Oh, and here's a little hint....when you leave for that occasional date or whatever it is you must leave your Ivory Tower for, and as you are leaving, those sobbing little ones who are clinging and reaching out for you are pouring on the guilt.....don't give it another thought because they stop crying the moment the door shuts. Sorry kiddies.....I love you to bits...but that little secret needs to be out in the open! Gommy has witnessed it many times for herself!
Another thing to remember is to NOT compare yourself or your child to other people. You don't have any idea what is going on in their lives. Their perfect little one may be perfect out and a total diaper dictator at home. Or the other Mommy may seem all put together and have everything under control but is masking a deeper need to 'seem' as if everything is hunky-dory!
And remember when you were beating yourself up about having a hard time breast feeding? And you let those 'other' people (including your husband) make you feel you weren't 'enough' because the pain and cracked, bleeding nipples was a fault of your not being good enough at your mommy-ism-ness....(is that a word...well it should be...lol). If you could only attach the vacuum to their nipples and every so often use your nail file on them until they bleed and attach the vacuum again...maybe they would 'get it'. I know....Ouch....but that is what some mommies go through in trying to be the best Mom in the world.
And here is another little secret for you Moms....most people.....no matter what they tell you....have yelled at their child before. Unless you are a woman with nerves of steel or are on medication, i.e Xanax and/or copious amounts of wine....your kids do get on your last nerve at times. Just as your husband gets on your nerves at times too. And in the spirit of equal fairness....moms get on their husbands and kids nerves as well. But do not beat yourself up for yelling at the kids sometimes. Just take it as a reminder that it is time for another 'Mommy Break'...or call it timeout for Mommy if you will. And for the rest of the story......the kids aren't scarred for life from your losing it some times. You can ask any person over the age of 40 if their parents yelled and/or spanked them and most will tell you absolutely yesssssss. And we are pretty well adjusted individuals for the most part. It is only the last generation that started with the coddling their children so much that the kids are the bosses of the house instead of the parents. Remember...those little angels are masters and mistresses of manipulation. Just watch them in action when they play mom and dad against each other.....Stay firm and strong. A house divided will definitely fall!
And look where all this leniency has led. Children so abusive that they cause their school chums to commit suicide, or they shoot up their classmates while in some bizarre social misfit gang, or they can have no conscience and are able to actually light another student on fire, or secretly tape them doing something personal and putting it online for others to watch for 'entertainment'....or bully others constantly about their sexual persuasion and many other terrible things we hear all too often on the news. How is that working out for those parents who thought they were practicing 'good parenting rules' by not hurting their childs' self-esteem?
Ok.....now you get the idea that it isn't advisable to allow yourself to have the nasty 'Mommy Guilt'. It is easy and normal to fall into the trap of it....but it isn't wise to wallow in it. We all grow up eventually and we mostly all survive how our own parents parented us. It is so easy to blame Mom for everything in our lives that went wrong.... but when we BECOME Moms....we begin to realize it was much easier to be the BEST Mom before we actually became a Mom.
So..pat yourself on the back (cause you probably won't get many from anyone else) and give yourself a break once in a while. Rejoin the human race (the one where the people are over 4 feet tall). You will be a better Mom for it and if you need another pep talk.....just send Gommy a message at the end of this blog. Goms is pulling for you Mommies of the World! Good job....and Gommy is also sending you all a high five and a virtual pat on the back!!!!
There is a happy ending to this story. It is called becoming a Gommy. All the love and happiness.....none of the responsibility...... or the dreaded guilt......(you may now picture this Gommy smiling).....Hugs & Mush, Gommy
Monday, October 11, 2010
Is This THE Happiness Quotient???
Gommy was wondering today what makes us happy. And low and behold, when I opened up my email page today, AOL had an option of reading a topic of the day. The article that popped out said that the "Happiest Person in the World" had proof that he was happy. Wellllll, that certainly grabbed Gommy's attention. It was as if the answer to my ponderings today, was emailed to me directly. Thanks ethernet!!! We are all seemingly searching for happiness in our lives and this was certainly a very timely and interesting article for Gommy. And for those of you who don't use AOL.....here is the gist of the theory on happiness.
There are different types of meditation, and I tried to gather all these exercises into a small manual for a Western audience ["Why Meditation?"]. But in clinical trials that study the effects of meditation in the West, 30 minutes a day has been the foundation. We always see that after three months, meditation has had a significant effect in reducing stress and the tendency toward depression. It reinforces the immune system and positive emotions. It's been studied for 10 years in the West. Sitting for that precious 30 minutes modifies the quality of the other 23 hours and 30 minutes.
So happiness is a skill?
Pleasure cannot be cultivated -- only renewed. But you can cultivate inner peace, strength, freedom -- the qualities that create genuine happiness. We start with different baselines: For instance, everyone will not become a champion of tennis, but within a few months or a few years of training, even a beginner can become a decent player and enjoy it.
Do negative emotions, like anger, have a purpose?
If you witness someone beating a child or an injustice, anger can motivate you to do something. But all the studies have shown that people who systematically vent their anger just reinforce their tendency to be angry. You don't just want to suppress it or you'll be like a time bomb. Instead, you look at your anger and let it vanish. When you cease to fuel a fire, it slowly dies out.
You're not talking about being a pushover.
A mother who gets angry and aggressive, is taken over by nerves. A mother can be loving but still be firm, straight and a bit severe. You can extend that attitude of the mother to others.
What about sadness?
Sadness is not incompatible with happiness because happiness is not just a pleasant sensation. Sadness can help you feel compassion. Even when you are sad, you can continue to do wonderful things.
What is the relationship between happiness and ambition?
Ambition for wealth, fame or power puts our hopes and fears outside ourselves. It's individualistic, self-centered and egocentric. But ambition in terms of becoming a better person, preserving the environment or finding inner peace can motivate you.
The search for material goods seems to become a cycle for people -- the emptier they feel, the more money and stuff they seek to fill the void.
Yes, they feel empty so they go for a shopping spree or get a younger wife. You get addicted to selfishness.
Is it a lost cause with some people?
Sometimes people say, "I can't sleep." I say, "We have a clinic next door -- go help, and I bet after two weeks, you will be able to sleep." They come back with a more humane perspective and find satisfaction and fulfillment.
So to snap out of it, help other people?
I've seen many successful people who feel empty. They start helping underprivileged kids and find such meaning in life. Everything is different.
People assume altruism may make them unhappy.
Your primary motive is to help others, but it's also the best way to be happy yourself. Ayn Rand said somewhere, that you should be selfish and should not sacrifice any part of yourself. She didn't get the point. Altruism is the best way to make yourself happy. If you look at living beings and see how your actions can contribute to a more compassionate society, you flourish yourself.
All in all, this piece made quite a lot of sense. If we have become depressed from telling our mind all the sad or bad stuff we tell it.....maybe by UNtelling our mind the sad or bad thoughts and replacing the 'monkey talk' with good thoughts, kind thoughts or just silence......it can have a positive effect on our psyche. And that ain't all bad....now is it boys and girls.?
I especially loved the answer about the mother who is loving but firm with her children. I know many moms out there feel they are too strict or overly firm at times....but this reinforced what Gommy has always felt about raising children. Children want.....no NEED discipline and their acting out is a begging to be guided. So, don't feel ashamed or guilty when you are firm with your children...but also don't discipline when you are tired or angry either.
So try practicing being happy boys and girls. It sounds like something that is worth at least trying.....don't you think? Goms is pulling for ya'.....Hugs & Mush, Gommy
The person in the article, is a Buddhist monk named Matthieu Ricard and he says that you can practice your way to happiness. He actually had an MRI scan that showed that he experienced extreme levels of positive emotions and few negative ones. He was a trained cell biologist in France before he moved to the Himalayas in 1972 to study Buddhism.
AOL Health spoke with Ricard about the cultivation of happiness, the benefits of altruism and how 30 silent minutes a day can change your life. These are his answers to questions he was asked about happiness: (and Goms knows you must be saying, "Yeah, it’s pretty easy to be happy when you live in the mountains and just meditate all the time.” But there is something to be taken away from this study and the thought behind it. )
These are his answers to questions he was asked about happiness:
What is happiness?
Happiness is a way of being rather than an endless search for experiences. Pleasure is fine but it depends on things that are subject to change: people, places, & things. Something tastes good; fire warms you when you're cold. But then this experience turns neutral or averse: Even the most beautiful music is unpleasant after 24 straight hours. But happiness is a more durable state. It's a cluster of basic human qualities that nurture a state of fulfillment, flourishing, of appreciating your life. It's inner freedom, inner strength, and inner peace. These are the resources to deal with the struggles of life. The more you experience happiness, the deeper and more stable it becomes.
You link meditation with happiness. Why?
Meditation is not an exotic eastern practice but is actually mind training. We all have a mind and can work with it.
So the basis of happiness is mind training?
In the sense that mind training means harnessing the potential we have for less vulnerability to provocation from the outside. Meditation helps you cultivate a better emotional balance and inner freedom so you are not a slave of impulses like anger and craving.
There are different types of meditation, and I tried to gather all these exercises into a small manual for a Western audience ["Why Meditation?"]. But in clinical trials that study the effects of meditation in the West, 30 minutes a day has been the foundation. We always see that after three months, meditation has had a significant effect in reducing stress and the tendency toward depression. It reinforces the immune system and positive emotions. It's been studied for 10 years in the West. Sitting for that precious 30 minutes modifies the quality of the other 23 hours and 30 minutes.
So happiness is a skill?
Pleasure cannot be cultivated -- only renewed. But you can cultivate inner peace, strength, freedom -- the qualities that create genuine happiness. We start with different baselines: For instance, everyone will not become a champion of tennis, but within a few months or a few years of training, even a beginner can become a decent player and enjoy it.
Do negative emotions, like anger, have a purpose?
If you witness someone beating a child or an injustice, anger can motivate you to do something. But all the studies have shown that people who systematically vent their anger just reinforce their tendency to be angry. You don't just want to suppress it or you'll be like a time bomb. Instead, you look at your anger and let it vanish. When you cease to fuel a fire, it slowly dies out.
You're not talking about being a pushover.
A mother who gets angry and aggressive, is taken over by nerves. A mother can be loving but still be firm, straight and a bit severe. You can extend that attitude of the mother to others.
What about sadness?
Sadness is not incompatible with happiness because happiness is not just a pleasant sensation. Sadness can help you feel compassion. Even when you are sad, you can continue to do wonderful things.
What is the relationship between happiness and ambition?
Ambition for wealth, fame or power puts our hopes and fears outside ourselves. It's individualistic, self-centered and egocentric. But ambition in terms of becoming a better person, preserving the environment or finding inner peace can motivate you.
The search for material goods seems to become a cycle for people -- the emptier they feel, the more money and stuff they seek to fill the void.
Yes, they feel empty so they go for a shopping spree or get a younger wife. You get addicted to selfishness.
Is it a lost cause with some people?
Sometimes people say, "I can't sleep." I say, "We have a clinic next door -- go help, and I bet after two weeks, you will be able to sleep." They come back with a more humane perspective and find satisfaction and fulfillment.
So to snap out of it, help other people?
I've seen many successful people who feel empty. They start helping underprivileged kids and find such meaning in life. Everything is different.
People assume altruism may make them unhappy.
Your primary motive is to help others, but it's also the best way to be happy yourself. Ayn Rand said somewhere, that you should be selfish and should not sacrifice any part of yourself. She didn't get the point. Altruism is the best way to make yourself happy. If you look at living beings and see how your actions can contribute to a more compassionate society, you flourish yourself.
All in all, this piece made quite a lot of sense. If we have become depressed from telling our mind all the sad or bad stuff we tell it.....maybe by UNtelling our mind the sad or bad thoughts and replacing the 'monkey talk' with good thoughts, kind thoughts or just silence......it can have a positive effect on our psyche. And that ain't all bad....now is it boys and girls.?
I especially loved the answer about the mother who is loving but firm with her children. I know many moms out there feel they are too strict or overly firm at times....but this reinforced what Gommy has always felt about raising children. Children want.....no NEED discipline and their acting out is a begging to be guided. So, don't feel ashamed or guilty when you are firm with your children...but also don't discipline when you are tired or angry either.
So try practicing being happy boys and girls. It sounds like something that is worth at least trying.....don't you think? Goms is pulling for ya'.....Hugs & Mush, Gommy
Friday, October 8, 2010
Prioritize...NOW!!!!
Hello boys and girls. This pre-Fall weather is sure nice. Loving every day of this beautiful cooler weather! Now, for todays' thoughts.....Gommy started up the old computer early this morning and there was one of those gotcha' posts on AOL about computer jargon. The one that grabbed my attention was the definition of 'Defragmenting'. 'They' said that it is advisable to defragment your computer every so often to keep it running smoothly.
Low and behold...after reading the definition....it made sense that maybe we all need to defrag once in a while! The definition was: to analyze local volumes and relocate files and folders and consolidate on your 'hard drive' to make it more efficient.
Yowza...it occured to Gommy that my 'hard drive' could use some efficiency tweaking too. I translated the wordage to: redefine my priorities on my files and folders (my daily thought processes) to make sure the important stuff was 'filed' in the correct compartment (areas of my brain/and or life). The definition went on to say that with all the 'downloading' of information (same as all the information and situations that daily comes into our lives), some of the files get scattered and stored in the wrong locations. DUH....been there!
There are many times that we put the cart before the horse (I know...that's an old saying....but you have to remember....Goms has been around a looooong time!) and we make mountains out of molehills (I know...I knooooow, another oldie). And at those times it would be prudent to take the time to take out the files and folders (memories, daily annoyances, things or people that get you in a bad mood or your undies in a wad), that aren't doing anything good and that don't make you joyful any longer. They aren't of any benefit to you.....so just delete them from your 'save as' files.
This computer stuff can easily be translated to an easier way to live life. We store up so much useless junk in our minds and psyches that we become overloaded and bogged down. And after a while, just like our computers.....we can crash!!! So, Gommys' advice this morning is to take out the stuff, people, circumstances or anything else that is bogging you down and just erase it from your 'memory'. Or, at least know that it is there in a hidden 'temporary file' that you don't need any longer.
Now, try to only download the stuff that makes you happy. Put some 'malware' on your computer (brain/awareness) and when the icky stuff tries to get in.....at least the anti-virus software (your new awareness) you have now 'installed' will come up and say..."there is some junk that wants to get in....are you sure you want to download it?". Try it kids.....you can do it....Gommy is pulling for you! Hugs & Mush, Gommy
Low and behold...after reading the definition....it made sense that maybe we all need to defrag once in a while! The definition was: to analyze local volumes and relocate files and folders and consolidate on your 'hard drive' to make it more efficient.
Yowza...it occured to Gommy that my 'hard drive' could use some efficiency tweaking too. I translated the wordage to: redefine my priorities on my files and folders (my daily thought processes) to make sure the important stuff was 'filed' in the correct compartment (areas of my brain/and or life). The definition went on to say that with all the 'downloading' of information (same as all the information and situations that daily comes into our lives), some of the files get scattered and stored in the wrong locations. DUH....been there!
There are many times that we put the cart before the horse (I know...that's an old saying....but you have to remember....Goms has been around a looooong time!) and we make mountains out of molehills (I know...I knooooow, another oldie). And at those times it would be prudent to take the time to take out the files and folders (memories, daily annoyances, things or people that get you in a bad mood or your undies in a wad), that aren't doing anything good and that don't make you joyful any longer. They aren't of any benefit to you.....so just delete them from your 'save as' files.
This computer stuff can easily be translated to an easier way to live life. We store up so much useless junk in our minds and psyches that we become overloaded and bogged down. And after a while, just like our computers.....we can crash!!! So, Gommys' advice this morning is to take out the stuff, people, circumstances or anything else that is bogging you down and just erase it from your 'memory'. Or, at least know that it is there in a hidden 'temporary file' that you don't need any longer.
Now, try to only download the stuff that makes you happy. Put some 'malware' on your computer (brain/awareness) and when the icky stuff tries to get in.....at least the anti-virus software (your new awareness) you have now 'installed' will come up and say..."there is some junk that wants to get in....are you sure you want to download it?". Try it kids.....you can do it....Gommy is pulling for you! Hugs & Mush, Gommy
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Remember???
Another glorious Sunday and another day to be grateful for all the blessings we receive. Gommy was watching an interview the other day with J.K. Rowlings and she said something so profund (to me at least)....that I have been thinking about it ever since. She said that she had come from actual poverty to her stature now of the only billionaire woman author in history. She said it was quite an adjustment to make. I know....everyone is saying, "I'd like to try that adjustment." But as she went on, she said that even though she can purchase anything she wants in the world, stay at the most extravagant places for holiday, eat the most expensive cuisine imaginable.....she still reflects on the time she had absolutely nothing...in the material world.
She went on to say that remembering how it felt to be poor, made her appreciative of what she has now. She still thinks the choices she is able (and actually expected) to make at times are a bit too grandiose and feels a little guilty for those pleasures. She is a remarkable woman and very wise in that she does not regret anything in her past and realizes that we are a combination of all we have experienced.
There is a story about how we often forget how things used to be and how we can change when our circumstances change. It is a very eye-opening (pardon the pun) story and one that needs to be read. If you will indulge me, I will post it now, along with an after-thought from the author as well:
The Story of a Blind Girl
There was a blind girl who hated herself just because she was blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her. She said that if she could only see the world, she would marry her boyfriend. One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her and then she could see everything, including her boyfriend. Her boyfriend asked her, “Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?” The girl was shocked when she saw that her boyfriend was blind too, and refused to marry him. Her boyfriend walked away in tears, and later wrote a letter to her saying. “Just take care of my eyes dear.”
This is how the human brain can change, when the status quo changes for us. Only few remember what life was before, and who’s always been there, even in the most painful situations.
Life is A Gift
"Today before you think of saying an unkind word – Think of someone who can’t speak.
Before you complain about the taste of your food – Think of someone who has nothing to eat.
Before you complain about your husband or wife – Think of someone who’s crying out for a companion.
Today, before you complain about life – Think of someone who went too early, before being able to enjoy their life.
Before you complain about your children – Think of someone who desires children but they are barren.
Before you argue about your dirty house… someone didn’t clean up or sweep – Think of the people who are living in the streets.
Before whining about the distance you drive – Think of someone who walks the same distance on foot.
And when you are tired and complain about your job – Think of the unemployed, the disabled and those who wished they had a job.
But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another – Remember that not one of us are without sin and we all answer to one maker alone.
And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down – Put a smile on your face and be grateful you’re alive and still around! Life is a gift – Live it… Enjoy it…Celebrate it…And Fulfill it. "
Pretty amazing short story and author's response afterward, isn't it? But that is precisely how some people are. When they gain a huge windfall...they become pompous and feel they are better than others. It has been documented over and over how people who win the lottery end up being broke in a very short time. They feel they have won the lottery....so their luck is going to stay 'good' from then on. NOT!
There is another saying that you had better be nice to those on the way up because you may be seeing them again on the way down. The reality is that we are the same people whether we have money or have not, are homely or beautiful, are successful or having hard times.....etc. We are all in this together and if we cannot be kind to everyone...the flip side of behaving that way may and probably will, come back in our face at another time.
She went on to say that remembering how it felt to be poor, made her appreciative of what she has now. She still thinks the choices she is able (and actually expected) to make at times are a bit too grandiose and feels a little guilty for those pleasures. She is a remarkable woman and very wise in that she does not regret anything in her past and realizes that we are a combination of all we have experienced.
There is a story about how we often forget how things used to be and how we can change when our circumstances change. It is a very eye-opening (pardon the pun) story and one that needs to be read. If you will indulge me, I will post it now, along with an after-thought from the author as well:
The Story of a Blind Girl
There was a blind girl who hated herself just because she was blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her. She said that if she could only see the world, she would marry her boyfriend. One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her and then she could see everything, including her boyfriend. Her boyfriend asked her, “Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?” The girl was shocked when she saw that her boyfriend was blind too, and refused to marry him. Her boyfriend walked away in tears, and later wrote a letter to her saying. “Just take care of my eyes dear.”
This is how the human brain can change, when the status quo changes for us. Only few remember what life was before, and who’s always been there, even in the most painful situations.
Life is A Gift
"Today before you think of saying an unkind word – Think of someone who can’t speak.
Before you complain about the taste of your food – Think of someone who has nothing to eat.
Before you complain about your husband or wife – Think of someone who’s crying out for a companion.
Today, before you complain about life – Think of someone who went too early, before being able to enjoy their life.
Before you complain about your children – Think of someone who desires children but they are barren.
Before you argue about your dirty house… someone didn’t clean up or sweep – Think of the people who are living in the streets.
Before whining about the distance you drive – Think of someone who walks the same distance on foot.
And when you are tired and complain about your job – Think of the unemployed, the disabled and those who wished they had a job.
But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another – Remember that not one of us are without sin and we all answer to one maker alone.
And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down – Put a smile on your face and be grateful you’re alive and still around! Life is a gift – Live it… Enjoy it…Celebrate it…And Fulfill it. "
Pretty amazing short story and author's response afterward, isn't it? But that is precisely how some people are. When they gain a huge windfall...they become pompous and feel they are better than others. It has been documented over and over how people who win the lottery end up being broke in a very short time. They feel they have won the lottery....so their luck is going to stay 'good' from then on. NOT!
There is another saying that you had better be nice to those on the way up because you may be seeing them again on the way down. The reality is that we are the same people whether we have money or have not, are homely or beautiful, are successful or having hard times.....etc. We are all in this together and if we cannot be kind to everyone...the flip side of behaving that way may and probably will, come back in our face at another time.
So, Gommy's moral for today is to remember those that have been with you through thick and thin and be grateful for having them in your life. That includes God. We don't give God the thanks He deserves often enough either! We could also be more helpful or friendly to someone else too. Be the friend to others that you wish you had in your life. Be the kind word to a stranger because you never know what is going on in their life and they may just need someone to be nice to them on that particular day. If you are having a bad day yourself, think how you would want someone to relate to you. You can do it boys and girls. Gommy is pulling for ya'......Hugs & Mush, Goms
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