Stationary or Stationery?

It has become apparent to Gommy in the last while, that manners, respect and just plain knowing how to act, have suspiciously disappeared from some parts of our culture. When did teaching our kids how to keep their elbows off the table when they eat, to not throw their food or sippy-cup on the floor when they are finished eating, to not scream when they are eating out at a restaurant or in church, to not interrupt when others are speaking, to say please and thank you and to actually write a REAL thank you for something received on REAL paper and then to mail it……through old-timey Snail Mail become obsolete?

Now, Gommy did teach my own little ones how to act, and to say thank you and be respectful of others. But, except for a few exceptions, it seems that this generation of parents hasn’t gotten the memo that it is not only pleasant to act respectful…..it is a necessity in these times of so many cultures co-existing in the same society. Now don't get all prissy out there mom and dads. You do want your children to be able to function as polite adults some day don't you? It will be much easier on them to be able to work together with others in their chosen careers or to be a good neighbor or in almost any social interaction you can think of, that they will be facing some day. You know.....'play nice with others' ????

Manners are fundamental skills that need to be taught, just as learning to write and spell or add and subtract. It starts in the home and taught by the parents. If a child isn’t taught or expected to be polite and to say please and thank you or to send a note of gratitude for a gift received or be respectful of others and their space…..where will they ever learn it? And don't worry.....you aren't hurting their self-esteem by showing them they must take turns, be courteous and to show respect. You are actually helping them by teaching them HOW to navigate in social settings.

In today’s fast paced life….the old written note is barely ever heard of any longer. Gommy wonders how many children of today even know the difference in ‘being’ stationary and ‘using’ stationery? Or for that matter, how many young adults know the difference. FYI….Stationary means to 'not move' or to 'stay fixed'. Stationery is writing paper, envelopes, pens, pencils or anything needed to converse on paper. Emails and texts have now taken over for the written word. But, for anyone who has received an actual card, or hand written note…..it sure is nice isn’t it? ((*-*))

Manners have changed over the centuries as the times and customs have changed. Like, does anyone even know why the handshake came into being? It was because at one time, people used to carry swords or daggers and if one extended their hand in the friendly gesture of a handshake….the other person could see there were no hidden weapons. Or, how about in the 1500’s….when the term ‘setting the table’ was used because there were no ‘regular’ dining tables and when mealtime came, boards were laid across trestles and covered with a cloth. I guess we have come pretty far from the Crusades when knights had to learn manners by sharing food on plates and drinking from shared glasses. The men were paired with a lady at dinner and learned not to lick their fingers or pick their teeth with their knives. They used to wipe their hands on the tablecloth! Then napkins were invented…thank goodness!


But Gommy just doesn’t want us to slip back to those horrid days of such bad manners. And if parents just teach their children the basic rules of politeness, and how to be a good sport, to respect themselves and those around them…. the world would be a much nicer place in which to live together. So….Moms and Dads….think back to what your own moms and dads taught you when you were little….and give your own children some lessons on how to be polite. They will thank you even if they don't realize it....by getting along more easily, in this thingy called a 'CIVIL-ization in which we are trying to coexist. You can do it….Gommy is pulling for ya’…..Hugs & Mush, Gommy

Happy Birthday Sweet Tiffany

Happy Birthday, my sweet, dear Tiffany. You would have been 36 today! Yeah I know!!! Can you believe it? Me neither. It seems just like yesterday that you came into our lives and brought so much joy to everyone who ever met you. I often think of what you would be ‘into’ these days. I can imagine that you would be sooooo loving all the electronic gadgets that are available today. You practically slept with your ‘land-line’ Princess telephone….back in the day. You had so many friends to stay in touch with….that I remember I used to tell you that you would end up with cauliflower ear from being on the phone so much. But now….there are phones that fit right in your pocket and you can text and talk to your friends 24/7. You can even send pictures to people now through your phone! I know…incredible…right? And there are these things called Computers now. You would love all this new technology!

I often wonder when you would have married and what career path you would have taken and how many children you would have had. You always love, love, loved kids…..so you probably would have had at least a couple! You wouldn’t believe how big Biscuit is now. He turned 20 last month. Unreal, eh? He is back in school and in the process of getting credits from college that he needs to get in the Army….just like his Dad. You would recognize him anywhere Tiff, because he looks so much like your brother Terry. He is a real sweetie too.

You never had the chance to meet Megan…but she is 18 now and just got her new car and is on the road….much like you, Sweet Tiff. She is funny like her Dad and talks about as much as you did. We get to see Terry , Meggie and Deana sometimes…..but not nearly as much as we would like. But they have a lot going on in their lives. We keep in touch through this thingy called Facebook. It is a Social Network invented to keep in touch with friends and reconnect with old friends. You would probably have about a bazillion friends on here. No, really….I think you are just allowed to have 5000. But you would have that in no time. Gommy does all right herself on the friends lists. You’d be proud of your old Mom.

Oh, BTW..the Gommy thing? The Grands call me Gommy. And they call Mike, ‘Grandpa Mike’. Mike misses you too Tiff. You and he always had a special relationship and he loved you bunches. Tracey and John have the most adorable little ones. Samantha and Brandon. And Mikey (yes, little Mikey) has a little girl named Kyra. You would be in Heaven with these cutie patooties. Also, I have been keeping up with the new lingo…just like you used to keep me up with your ‘word of the week’ that you would leave for me on the dryer to help me ‘stay up to date’.

Tracey and I have the most wonderful relationship Tiff. How Blessed am I? We always spend your birthday day together. The only thing missing….is YOU. There is nothing as rewarding as to finally become friends with your children, once they are grown. I miss being with you and Terry very much….but I feel you with me whenever I need a Tiff and Ter moment. Thanks for that. Every time I see birds, I think of you. I can remember when you were little, you asking me what kind of bird this or that one was. And I think of Terry whenever I see a motorcycle or anything to do with the Army. I know you are in a much better place….but the selfish part of me wishes you were still around for us to all be a family again. It has never quite been the same at the Holidays without you guys. Oh pooh…your old Mom is tearing up now.

When Nana died in December, memories of how often she said how much she loved you came back to me. She used to tell me all the time, how you would just brighten up her day and how you always told her how pretty she looked….or that you would compliment her about her outfit or her hair or the pin she was wearing…or whatever. I have tried to make that a part of my life now too. You taught me that if there was ever a time that you could make a person feel better by telling them something nice about themselves….to tell them. Don’t keep it to yourself. That always made me so proud of you Tiff. But there were scads of things that made me proud of my three excellent, smart, beautiful, kind, brave and astonishing kids.

A dear friend sent me an email last week and in it…was this beautiful reminder of just how precious time is. For those who haven’t had to face losing a child or loved one (as I have with you and Terry) …..it may not resonate……right now. I say ‘right now’ because, sadly…. not very many of us escape the unexplainable sorrow of the death of a loved one. But this will eventually resonate with everyone….at some time in their life. As I read this piece….I think about each instance, because it has already touched someone in every one of these images:

To realize the value of a sister/brother…ask someone who doesn’t have one.
To realize the value of ten years; as a newly divorced couple.
To realize the value of four years; ask a graduate.
To realize the value of one year; ask a student who has failed a final exam.
To realize the value of nine months; ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.
To realize the value of one month; ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.
To realize the value of one minute; ask a person who has missed the train, bus or plane.
To realize the value of one-second; ask a person who has survived an accident.
Time waits for no one. So, treasure every moment you have. You will treasure it even more when you can share it with someone special.
To realize the value of a friend or family member: LOSE ONE.
Remember….hold on tight to the ones you love!
I sure wish I could hold and hug you…at least one more moment.

So, I’ll be thinking of you a lot today….even more than usual. Wish we could go to the Mall and shop for something for your birthday together. Remember the store Wet Seal? Every time I go by one….I think of you and wonder if you would still love their clothes the way you used to. I just know you would still like to go shopping. I still wear some of your things. I know….they are out of style…but who cares? They were yours and you wore them…..so they are perfect…to me!

Mommy loves you Sweetie. I miss you more than I could ever put into these words. There are times that I feel like the beautiful words of the poet Pablo Neruda, “….my feet will want to walk to where you are sleeping but I shall go on living.” I know I’ll see you again sometime….and whenever that is…we will REALLY catch up on EVERYTHING! But in the meantime….I know you are with me because I feel you there. As in the telling words of Carrie Latet – “Ever felt an angel's breath in the gentle breeze? A teardrop in the falling rain? Hear a whisper amongst the rustle of leaves? Or been kissed by a lone snowflake? Nature is an angel's favorite hiding place.” And I know that it's you. Give Terry a kiss for me too.
Hugs & Mush – Mommy (I know, I know…..I borrowed that Hugs & Mush line from you too…and I use it all the time ;-D)

Do You Want to Have a Hug O' War And Play Nice?

Being this is Sunday… Gommy is feeling kinda’ preachy….Just kidding! But as I was listening to a podcast of Jeff Fosters this morning , the urge to expound on his explanation of this thing called Oneness took over Goms. So, for those who may have wondered about or studied the ‘philosophy’ or meaning of Oneness….and have never read or listened to Jeff Foster explaining it….Goms will try to shed a little ‘light’ on my own interpretation of Jeff’s interpretation. Sort of in Gommy-istics. ;) Which is funny in a paradoxical sort of way, because Oneness IS just that…ONE-ness….so there is no Jeff or Gommy or you. Just like the word individual – the word itself (in- divide- dual). One of the two… or a distinct indivisible entity.

Jeff's explaining 'IT' in his latest podcast, made ‘Gommy’ want to try to 'splain it as Goms sees it. It may seem too airy-fairy for some of my peeps out there…but for those who have been on this certain path, as Goms has….maybe it will point even further to what is being unfolded and unfolding and unfolding.

To try to make it easier to ‘see’ the ‘THIS of us all’…. think of the analogy of waves in the vast Ocean . Try to think of it as…..The Ocean being aware that it is the Ocean. But the waves (US)….thinking that they are separate from the Ocean. This ‘thinking’ is the ego. The ego wave says, “I am a huge wave.” Or on another day it says, “I am tired, so I am resting and I look like a sheet of glass.”. On another day, it is irritable or mad and so it crashes onto the shore with thunderous fierceness. The waves think they are all separate from the Ocean. Now, the Ocean (God) knows that all the waves are just part of the Ocean….so the Ocean is not bothered by the ego-waves. Because the Ocean knows there is only one Ocean….with many waves within itself. It is like the different aspects of our personality. There are some things we may wish we could change about our self…but we can’t get away from who we are and we can’t reject our self…because we are parts of the whole. Just as the Ocean doesn’t reject all of the waves that think they are separate. Because the Ocean knows all of the waves are part of the whole Ocean. Whew! Goms thinks that about covers the you and me and the Ocean and the waves…..Or does it?

Spiritual seekers often find themselves inside this same paradox. ‘We’ or ‘They’ (same thing really) think, If ‘I’ can lose ‘myself’…(my ego)…then I have accomplished Spirituality. Seeking is kind of sad because it represents a sort of sadness in not having found what you seek (want). But the big secret is…..the moment you think you have lost your ego….your ego finds another loop-hole to make ‘it’ into another ‘you’. So now you are the ‘True Spiritual One’. ZAP…Ego got you again!

The other big secret is that ‘we’ are supposed to experience fear, sadness, joy, hope, etc. Because if we don’t….we won’t know when the opposite experience comes around. We are just all ONE big happy (or not) member of the ‘Ocean Family’, ‘thinking’ we know it all. And as soon as we think that we do know it all…..ZAP….ego is in control again.

Take a flood. It is the same flood that wipes out a town that goes on to bring much needed water to the farmer and his crops, further down the way. So, is the flood a bad flood or a good flood? The goodness or badness of the flood is relative. It is only made good or bad by owning the experience and how it affects you. Your own conditioning of the flood….your judging of the flood. And this is when ‘suffering’ begins. Wishing it weren’t so. But it is so…..and when you can just accept that it is so…..the suffering stops. When it is someone elses’ flood….then it is sad. But when the flood is owned…it is then ‘my sadness.’.

It is a brilliant ‘game’, so to speak, that God is observing of all of His waves. How ‘we’ all act and react to the situations and experiences of this thingy called Life. We have free will…..we experience different situations, people, obstacles, joys….etc. One day we are the calm waves in the Ocean…another day we are the upset wave crashing on shore….another day we are huge and on a different day….we are puny. But we are still all part of the ONE Ocean.

That is why, when we do something to ‘someone else’…we are actually doing it to ourselves. When one rises….we all rise. And that is also why….there is no good or bad, or right or wrong. It only becomes a life experience when we begin to ‘OWN’ the experience. It is when we say, “I am a sad person.” Because before you own it….it is only sadness….not YOUR sadness. You made YOU, the one who is experiencing the sadness…you made YOU the sad person.

1 Cor.1:10 – says that, “Now I beseech you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that ye all speak the same thing, and that there be no divisions among you; but that ye be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment.”
To Goms…this is a parable that the Christ was trying to show that we ARE all one. Why did Jesus speak in Parables? Jesus explained the reason for this when He said in Mark 4:10-12 – “The secret of the kingdom of God has been given to you. But to those on the outside, everything is said in parables so that, ‘they may be ever seeing but not perceiving, and ever hearing but never understanding; otherwise, they might turn and be forgiven!” This explains how some of ‘us’ may seem to 'get it' and others are forever stumbling around in Duh-Land. Oh-Oh Goms…be careful…Ego is starting to creep in here. Wink and Smile. ((*-^))

Now, it may seem mean or harsh to only have a message available to some and not all. But what Jesus was saying is that He wanted those who didn’t truly want ‘understanding’ or want the Truth…to remain baffled until they searched and found the ‘truth’ themselves. Not just because He said something and was being BLINDLY followed. The other reason may have been that Jesus wanted the ‘seeker’ to experience the kingdom of God for themselves. We can try to paint a picture of a beautiful Sunset or what Love ‘feels’ like…but until we experience it ourselves….we can’t know the ‘Truth’ of it.

So….long story LONG…lol…whatever we are doing to another…we are actually doing to our self. So, lighten up peeps. If we are doing mean and hateful things…we are actually shooting our self in the foot! If you truly want a nice, peaceful life experience…..BE nice and peaceful. This life experience is totally, one-hundred percent like looking into a mirror or your reflection in a puddle. It is the manifestation of what you are projecting into IT. Think about it….be the person, thing, event, situation…..that you want it to be. To put it in a ‘Virtual Nutshell’, just enjoy this life experience and know that whatever is happening or not happening is doing so EXACTLY the way it is supposed to. If it weren’t…it wouldn’t be your life experience. So, accept whatever it is that is happening at this time in your life experience. You can do it. Gommy is pulling for you. But….this is just Gommy’s perception…so you may take it or leave it right here on the pages of this Blog. No worries….or to put it another way blah, blah, blah, yada, yada, yada. But Goms loves you all just the same…. UNCONDITIONALLY! Hugs & Mush- Gommy
(PS-the hug of war poem is from Shel Silverstein....a very bright man, poet and author!)

When is Too Much....Too Much?

Hello boys and girls. What a beautiful day in the land of Paradise - aka Sunny South Florida. How Gommy got so Blessed to wind up back here in this wonderful place, I'll never know. But I am gratefully accepting the Blessing and acknowledging that I am most certainly Blessed.

Goms was wondering something today. When is too much...too much? Like....anger. Anger can be good (sorta)....like when you have had enough and you express your anger (in a calm way) to the person who may be causing this anger....and it corrects the problem. But, when we take anger to the extreme....it never has a good outcome. Like taking things out on other people....that is called 'misplaced anger'. But when we use anger to 'wake someone up' to what is bother us....that is a good thing. But when we get so angry that the outcome is damaging....then anger is not a good thing. Also, if we are angry all the time....the effectiveness of anger is dissipated. We just appear to be an 'angry person' and people will make a very wide berth around you.....just to avoid what you may be thinking is you, just 'letting off steam'. So the important thing to remember is what context of 'anger' you are exhibiting. Letting off steam.....is a good thing. Staying an 'angry person' all the time....not so much.

Then, the subject of our beliefs came to mind. It is never a good idea to try to make anyone else believe the way you believe. Just as it is not a good idea for anyone else to try to make you believe their way. Just the other day, someone said they thought of my belief system to be metaphysical. At first, I thought that the person was using it as a dismissive adjective for the way I believe. So, I looked up the word metaphysical. The definition is:

Metaphysics is a branch of philosophy concerned with explaining the fundamental nature of being and the world,^[1] although the term is not easily defined.^[2] Traditionally, metaphysics attempts to answer two basic questions in the broadest possible terms:

1. "What is there?"
2. "What is 'IT' like?"^[3]

So when I found the definition....I thought...oh...that IS exactly what I am trying to discover through my Spiritual searching. So, that IS my belief system. I do believe that the Universe/God is all there is and that we (the collectively we) are the manifestation of God in the human form. Not too spooky or creepy when it is explained that way is it? It just means that we 'beings' are OF this world and are experiencing all that we are bringing to us.

So, back to the 'too much' topic for today.....we can also ask how a family ever gets into a feud that makes them permanent enemies? It is hard to comprehend how a family can live in the same home, with the same parents and siblings, and grow up together in that family dynamic and then some time when they are adults....they combust and the family becomes enemies of one another. Combustion....that is a curious word. It means: an uproar or clamor. Or a ballyhoo, a big stink, ferment, fuss, revolt or a vexation. YUP....that pretty much sums it up. It is too much of someone or something. My mother used to say.....'Familiarity breeds contempt.' That means that when we are with someone for 'too long'...things begin to feel prickly about them. It is easy to feel that they are getting on our nerves. When we are a family...our parents are always making us 'be nice' and 'play nice with our brothers or sisters'. But what is happening in reality is.....they are driving us up the wall. Just being related is not a precursor to liking someone. You may love them but you certainly don't always LIKE them.

So, this too much stuff can really apply to anything. 'Too much of a good thing.' i.e. if you eat too much candy....you get sick. Or if you have a nice, thick, juicy steak for breakfast, lunch and supper every day....you will tire of it. And that is why it is also a miracle that a man and a woman can live together year in and year out without killing each other. lol

Gommy better end this blog....RIGHT NOW....because it may be becoming TOO LONG. The idea here is to use moderation in everything. In the foods we eat, in the politics we have, in the religions we practice, and in being in someones' face too much. So.....moderate yourselves my little Peeps. You can do it....Gommy is pulling for ya' - Hugs & Mush- Gommy