New Years Resolutions!

This is the time of the year when we all make resolutions so we may look forward to a brighter, happier, slimmer, (or whatever)…..coming New Year.

I received a message today from a site that sends out daily inspirational and thought provoking emails. This particular one made me go hmmmmmmm. It started out saying that a new year is coming, so it would be a good time to wipe the slate clean….to focus upon what we really want and that we should start to chart our course in that direction. But then it went on to dispute each of those thoughts.

The first suggestion was instead of wiping the slate clean….we should just give thanks for life as it is. Because whatever has happened in the past year prepares us for what is ahead. Then for the next one about focusing….it said to define what is meant by your desired ‘end result’. This is because what we all want, we already have. We just haven’t pulled back the ‘filters’ and self-imposed roadblocks to our desires. The Bible says, “In Heaven as it is on Earth’. So, whatever we want, we already have in Heaven (Spirit). We must learn to focus on the certainty of this fact and we will see we already have ownership of our wildest desires. Then, for the last thought of charting our course, the email reminded me that all instincts and impulses that come to us, appear for us to take inspired action upon them. It’s like a little nudge from God. But we mostly don’t act on them because we feel it will seem silly or won’t go anywhere.

That got Gommy to thinking….hmmmmm. Everything that has ever happened, or has ever been invented, or each seeming miracle that has ever taken place….ANYTHING at all…..started with a thought. Thoughts do materialize into things. Into life and life experiences.

If we just sit around and wish this or that would happen in our lives….guess what? We will be sitting around a very long time, just watching everyone else who took action on their wishes and thoughts.

So, Gommy says for everyone to do something…..anything…..and know in your heart that it will happen if you believe. This is the perfect Season to feel comfortable in B-E-L-I-E-V-I-N-G. Do it. Do it now!!!! Happy New Year everyone. Make this the year we care more deeply about others, the year that we become the change we want to see in the world, the year that we love one another and the year that we fully appreciate all that we are blessed with each and every day. You can do it….Gommy is pulling for ya’ – Hugs & Mush, Gommy

'Tis the Season....

Hello boys and girls out there in blogland. You know 'they' say that this is 'The Most Wonderful Time of the Year'.....and the reason for this is that it's a time to be grateful for all we have in life....a time to be generous with those less fortunate....a time to remember all those memories from our own childhood....and a time to be thankful for the times we had with the people who we no longer have in our lives.

It is easy to get all caught up in the Holiday Hoopla..... and many moms and dads out there are at their highest 'fever pitch' of stress. But, if you can just take the time to enjoy the little things....the big things will take care of themselves.

Just yesterday, Gommy had the most fun time at my wonderful daughter Tracey's house. She had a Christmas Cookie making party and it was so special to see the little ones having fun and making cookies. But what Gommy really knew, was that they were making memories they would have forever.

The day brought Gommy back to the times when my own little ones were scampering around, all in awe of the festivities. Mommies may not realize it at the time, because they are trying to make everything magical for everyone. But Goms can tell you that your efforts will be remembered fondly when your little ones are Mommies and Daddies themselves one day. Believe it.....because Gommy knows this first-hand! ;-)

Gommy still remembers my own mother(Grandma Katie)....sitting at the table, prepping for this holiday or that one. I can still picture her filling the celery with cream cheese and olives, or making the stuffing and getting the Turkey in the oven at the crack of dawn, so it would be ready by 2PM. Or Grandma Katie coming for the Holiday visit with a 'Sleighful' of presents for her grandchildren and the kids squealing with excitement when she drove up to the house. Mom enjoyed the holidays as much at the little ones. As a Gommy now myself....I know how she must have felt....because when I go to Tracey and John's house and the kids run to me and scream in delight...."Gommy"... well, that is the best sound in the world.

My Tracey still remarks about how she remembers Grandma Katie doing this or doing that. Memories peeps....memories! Thank you Mom. I hope I told you enough how much I appreciated you! My Tracey tells me all the time and I can tell you it is a very nice feeling to know how much you are cherished.

We go through life, with all the ups and downs that fill our years, and sometimes wonder if we are making a difference to anyone. Gommy is here to tell you....a great big YES you are. You can buy toys, fancy phones, jewelry, cars, video games (are they still called that?), or any other 'thingy' there might be to show how much you care about someone.....but the memories you make with them are cherished far more than any trinket you can purchase. You may not be getting the gratitude shown that you deserve while the kids are still at home....but when they get out of the house and make their own families....they get their own 'aha' moments and they realize just how much mom and dad did do to make their memories be happy ones for them.

So, enjoy these times and know that you are making the sacrifices of your time, nerves, stress, and at the cost of your own appearance at times.....for a very good reason. Your family appreciates you....they may just not fully know it at this time yet....But they will. Gommy promises. Have yourself a wonderful holiday everyone. You can do it...Gommy is pulling for ya'....Hugs & Mush, Gommy

Peek A Boo - I See You!

I was listening to a lecture by Brene' Brown who spoke about having the courage to be imperfect. Most of us are afraid to let the 'real' us be exposed. We often hear how someone says they had a good experience with someone because they were real, i.e. not phoney. This is because it allows the people we interact with, to be comfortable that we aren't just promoting ourselves with some hidden agenda. And when we are not being our authentic self...being fake promotes our insecurities and feelings of not being worthy.

When we are afraid of letting others know who we are....we put a shield or a facade up that we think will be more acceptable. We are afraid of being vulnerable. But being imperfect and vulnerable is what makes us most endearing to other people. They feel they can let their guard down more with a 'real' person.

I started writing this blog yesterday and planned on finishing up today. It's funny how the Universe/God brings to us what we need in our lives. It is like the Proverb another Facebook friend posted as her status today: "The LORD directs our steps, so how then can we understand everything along the way?" Proverbs 20:24. This must be true, because through the years, I have found answers to many questions that I was struggling with, just by asking and then receiving these answers. And when I did get the answer...it unfolded the way it was supposed to unfold for my best results.

Part of the unfolding of this blog today was in something that happened with my granddaughter Samantha the other night. We were having Chinese food for supper and her 'fortune' from her cookie said...."A donkey in a silk dress...is still a donkey." She asked her- ahem......'above average and intelligent Gommy' what that meant. Oh boy...when the little ones ask questions...you have to think fast on your feet. So Gommy explained that it meant that we aren't supposed to act differently than what we really are because then we wouldn't be honest with ourselves or with others. That no matter what you dress up the donkey in......they are still a donkey. It's not the dress....it is what the donkey is, does and how it behaves that matters. Whew....that was a close one!

Another Facebook friend thanked me today for sharing another FB friend's posting on a thought about shame and guilt. She said it came to her just at the time she needed it most. Coincidence? I think not. What do they say about coincidence? It's God's way of staying anonymous. The notion about shame and guilt is that, surprisingly, guilt is ok. Shame is NOT ok. Why? Because guilt just says that what we DID was not ok...whereas shame says we ARE bad. Big difference there. We should feel guilty if we have done something unacceptable....but it is only shameful if we continually do bad things and have no remorse about our actions.

Back to the damages that feeling unworthy creates.... Gary Zukav says that insecurity, unworthiness and lack of self-esteem is the core experience of 'powerlessness'. When we feel powerless, our monkey-talk keeps telling us that we don't matter.....that we aren't good enough...that we may be rejected by others if they find out who the 'real' us really is....that there is nothing we can do about our lot in life. But the reality is that we are just as whole and perfect as we were created. God doesn't make junk! And He also doesn't make mistakes. The Universe is too complicated to have even one slip up. So, we can rest assured that we are worthy....that we do matter and that we can make our lives better by starting to believe that we have these good qualities.

Eckhart Tolle says our 'pain body' ( the monkey-talk or mental noise we have told ourselves.... about ourselves over the years.... i.e. our baggage) is very seductive in making us believe negative things about ourselves and is the cause of our suffering. If we just remain real and be ourselves...we don't have the fear of being 'found out'.

So, all my little peeps....give yourself a break. We all make mistakes and just remember that being vulnerable is not a bad thing to be. And never let the poo-poo heads of the world make you try to be something you aren't. Remember....it is better to be a real somebody than a fake nobody. Work on being your authentic self. The more you show your real self....the less you have to keep all the fake balls up in the air....and the less stress you will have about being exposed. You can do it boys and girls. Gommy is pulling for ya' - Hugs & Mush, Gommy

Family Feelings

Good morning boys and girls. Gommy has had the opportunity to observe several 'family behaviors' in the past week. It always amazes Goms how people can grow up together.....or become blended families and live together or at least know each other for years on end...and something happens or there is a major event that comes up and many of these people reach waaaaay down in their 'psyche pocket' and pull out all the resentments, jealousies, bitterness and foul feelings that they apparently have been harboring for a very long time.

Now, these people are not bad people. They go about their day to day life without exhibiting these deep seeded thoughts to the general public. But the fact that they react they way they do... is proof positive that they have been having these feelings for quite some time.

As to family rearing it's ugly head of sibling rivalry.....that is the most puzzling. You would think that after all these years...you would eventually 'grow up' and realize that the emotions you are feeling today....are the same emotions you felt as a child. Let's say that you always felt one of your siblings was Mom's favorite. Why then, do you take that out on that sibling? They didn't do anything. In fact, if they were the favorite...it was Mom who made you feel that way.....not Tom, or Sally.

Then for the blended families. It is alright to have your feelings about a 'step' him or her...but if you can be civil outside of the blended family to people you don't especially love.....then it would seem you could muster up enough integrity and good character to at least show some respect for everyone else in the 'circle', to be polite and allow the holiday or whatever event there might be.....to be enjoyable.

Sorry to have to bring this to your attention peeps...but it all boils down to selfishness. When you care more about how you feel than EVERYone else....then you are selfish. And just another little hint.....you will have to be the only guest at your pity party, because no one likes a whiner...for very long anyway. If it is all about needing to be noticed...at any cost...then you will always be alone and sad.

So, how about digging waaaaay down in that 'pocket' again and look for that nice emotion that is somewhere in there. You must realize that you are the one missing out on the fun. Because everyone else is going along their happy way and probably aren't even giving you a thought. Errrrrrr.....except that they are glad you aren't around to make everyone else feel uncomfortable.

The Holidays are coming and it is supposed to be the 'most wonderful time of the year'. Put on that happy face and be nice. You can do it.......Gommy is pulling for ya' - Hugs & Mush, Gommy

Loss

Yesterday, my mother-in-law passed away. Or, as Gommy likes to think of it....passed on to a different experience. Goms doesn't want to make this into a religious dialogue because religion can be very divisive and that is not what is intended with today's blog. Gommy would just like to express the loss I feel for a very good relationship I had with a special woman.

It is always sad when we lose someone we love. Just the fact that this person is no longer in our physical world changes many things. We all bring to the Universe different emotions, thoughts, wishes and hopes. And we share all of this with other people in our life. When we experience the loss of our loved one, we can no longer converse with them. There is an empty space left in our personal world. I read a beautiful thought that said....'When a mother dies....it is the first sorrow you face without her to comfort you.' That is very profound. From the moment we are born, our mother's are always there for us in our happy times....our sad times....our successes and even for our failures. She loves us no matter what. When she is not with us.....we feel lost. We can't call on her to remember someone or something from our childhood....we can't call her to tell her of something we accomplished (because we know she will be proud of us like no one else can be), we can't ask her advice about something going on in our lives. This loss is a great big void that is deeply felt.

Mary Anne Brady was in my life when my two children were killed in a car accident. Being the mother of seven herself....she could imagine the grief that I was going through. She never forgot the anniversary of the death of Terry and Tiffany and always sent me a beautiful card on the date. We had many long woman to woman talks throughout the years. But we became especially close when she came back to Tennessee and lived close to us for a year. We would go shopping or to her doctor's appointments and have lunch afterwards. Or I would take her to the cemetery where Granddaddy was buried. My good friend Betty and I would go over to visit with her often and bring supper for us all to share and talk and laugh. And we always included her in our social gatherings at the golf club. Mike's friends loved her too. I felt honored to make sure she felt valued in her later years. So many times, the elderly feel they are just an inconvenience to the younger generation. Nana knew she was loved and welcome any time she was with my husband Mike and me. We will all get old one day (if we are lucky) and I would hope I never have to feel that I am in the way to anyone.

I will miss calling Mary Anne to ask the name of an actor in a movie...or the name of the movie...or the date of something I had forgotten. She had the most amazing memory and her sense of direction and ability to get just about anywhere was awe inspiring to me. You see, I get lost backing out of the driveway....lol. I used to have to call her all the time when I first moved to Tennessee with my husband. I would continually get lost and all I had to do is call her and she could tell me exactly how to find my way back home just by telling her the name of the street where I was. She could tell me to turn right at the Exxon station and go 3 blocks to the cleaners and turn left and go .5 miles to.............you get the picture. She knew every street in Memphis....IN ORDER! One time I had my grandkids up visiting and I got lost. DUH...I called her on my cell and told her the street I was on and she knew right away that I was in the worse part of the city I could be in and she said (as serious as can be) "Tell the kids to lie down in the back seat..... and FLOOR it. Don't even stop for red lights!" Oh, did I mention that she had a hilarious sense of humor?

Have you ever bought anything for anyone and just didn't get the response you were hoping for? You had put a lot of effort into the purchase and you could just imagine the elation in the persons' face when they opened it....and then it was like you had given them a dead mouse. Well, you never had to worry about that with Mary Anne. I have NEVER given her a gift that she didn't say was the finest, most wonderful (fill in the blank here) doo-dad she had ever seen. And she would wear it proudly after she received it so you always knew that she did indeed love the gift you gave her. That is a grateful person and it just made you want to give her more all the time!

I cannot remember a birthday, christening, anniversary or any important family occasion that Nana and Granddaddy ever missed with the family. They had seven children and several grands and even great-grands and they tried to come to all of the events that they were invited to. It couldn't have been easy raising seven children who all went, at one time or another, to parochial school. I'm sure there were many times they had to go without themselves so the children wouldn't be without. I can't even imagine the juggling and planning it takes to manage that many people in a household.

So, here's to you Mary Anne. You were a wonderful part of my life and for that I thank you. You will be sorely missed and I just hope Mike can fill the ache he is feeling in his heart right now, with all the wonderful memories you gave him as his mother. He loved you more than words could ever convey. And I know you knew this because you told him that on the last visit we had with you just a few short weeks ago. I can honestly say I never heard him ever complain or say an 'ugly' word about you Nana or Granddaddy. EVER! That is something now...at least I don't think many people can say they have never said anything negative or griped about their parents at one time or another. Rest in peace Mary Anne and I hope you are having the grandest family reunion right now, with all those who have gone on before you. I'm sure they are very happy to see you again. Love and Hugs & Mush...Shirlee

A Mother's Love

Gommy is sad today because we just got word that our dear Nana (Grandpa's Mother) is not going to be with us much longer. We just spent the long weekend with her and we could see that this was coming....but we are never ready to let go of our Mother, now are we? I have had many great woman to woman talks with Nana over the years. We were lucky enough to have her live close to us for over a year while we were still in Tennessee.

Nana loved Tennessee.... and Memphis in particular. She and Granddaddy grew up in Memphis, married there and had seven children born in that city. They made and shared many, many happy memories there over the years. I can't think of one Christening, birthday, graduation, marriage or any other family event that they missed over the years for their children and grandchildren. They were definitely involved and loving parents. Nana shared many of those memories with me the times I would visit with her, on any given afternoon, when I would steal away from work to have lunch with her....or come over to her place after work and bring her dinner and just visit with her or watch a movie. Many times she would come to the golf course when we were having a Pot Luck event or to enjoy Bunco with the 'girls'. We had fun decorating her place for Christmas and the other holidays while she was living near us. Nana always had great taste in decorating. She loved her magazines and had several subscriptions for the ones that showed pretty home designs.

There were semi-monthly trips to the doctor where we could talk about a number of things that may be bothering her.....or just her wanting to share memories of Granddaddy, or the children or grandchildren with me. We went to the grocery store at least once a week. Nana looked forward to that time....as it was just about the last thing she could actually do for herself. We always went to Wally World or other big department stores that had those electric-type wheel chairs. It would take hours for her to finish all her shopping...even though I knew she didn't need much because she lived alone. But I realized that she just enjoyed getting out of the house for a bit. She was always telling me she was sorry that I had to be dealing with getting her wheelchair in and out of the car so she could get around. I assured her it was my honor to help her so she could get out and about. We always tried to have lunch out or sometimes it was an early supper on shopping day. Other days, she would call and tell me she had made something special for Grandpa, that she knew he loved, and we would come over to eat it with her.... even if we had to get right back afterwards, to close up the golf course for the day. Those are times we will always have to remember.

I will cherish those times even more after she is gone. And I will always be thankful that we did share those special times. When Granddaddy was alive, and we still lived in Florida, we were always begging them to come visit with us. They were such fun. We can always think back now with a smile, that they knew how much we wanted to be with them. Many times, parents become a 'nuisance' to their children and they don't feel very wanted any longer. We know that Nana and Granddaddy never felt that way in our home.

While we were visiting Nana this weekend....we said our good-byes as we always have in the past, but we all knew this was probably the last good-bye we would ever get to have. When Grandpa Mike leaned down to kiss Nana and say his good-byes....Nana held his hand more tightly than you would expect from someone so weak....and looked him in the eyes and told him...'I love you with all my heart." It was all I could do to hold back the tears until we were out of her sight. Grandpa has always had an extra- special relationship with his parents. All parents love their children....but Nana and Granddaddy knew without a shadow of a doubt...that their son Michael loved them back, with all of his heart too. That is a gift that Michael gave to himself.....a warm, comforting feeling that he did all he could ever do to make sure his parents felt honored and loved...and that they knew it while they were still here with him. That is what is called having peace of mind in your special parent/son relationship.

Mothers means so much to all of us. When we are little....our mother is everything to us. She feeds us, tucks us in at night, soothes us when we are sick and she loves us unconditionally. When we are teens....we wish we didn't have to be mothered so much...but thankfully...that passes and we come back to our senses eventually and realize how fortunate we are to have someone in our lives that cares for us as only a mother does. Then we become parents ourselves...and that is when the really big awakening happens and we realize just how much our parents do love us. Some of us are luckier than others in our special relationships with our parents. Others who haven't wanted to experience that closeness for whatever reason, have surely missed out on one of the greatest relationship in the world.

So, if anyone out there is lucky enough to still have their parents around.....take the time to let them know how much they mean to you. Tell them that you appreciate all they did for you while you were growing up. Even if you didn't have the best relationship.....they did bring you into the world. They deserve some gratitude for that at least...don't you think?

So thank you Nana for all the special times we shared over the years. I am so grateful to have had this past weekend to be with you and reminisce about the good old days. I will always remember our sitting out in patio area on Friday and the wind blowing in your hair. We could tell that you were enjoying being in the refreshing air by the smile on your face. It was almost as if you were remembering times from long ago. I really love how the Hospice movement says that loved ones should never die alone. That a loved one should hold your hand and comfort you as you transition from one plane of reality to another. May your transition be all that you have ever dreamed it would be! You are a great mother! God Bless You Nana.

The Apple Don't Fall Far From the Tree!

Hello boys and girls. It is almost time for the big Turkey day. I think of it as a great big group hug where we all give thanks for all we are blessed with. Too bad we can't stay grateful all year around. But I guess one big day is better than no day at all to remind us of our blessings.

The title of my blog today was something that I probably heard about a gazillion times while I was growing up from my Mom and Grandma. The older I get....the more I see how true it really is. All it takes is a little observation and a little lookey loo at how much we are like our parents to realize how profound the old saying really is. We are so much like our parents in our thought processes, and many times in our way of thinking politically, even in our mannerisms. I have even been fooled a few times when calling a friend.....thinking they were their Mother or if it was a man....that it was his Dad. Now that is falling pretty darn close to the tree.

Some people may not want to admit they are like their parents at all. But if we are brutally honest....we have to admit it. Sometimes, I look down at my hands and startle myself....because I think I am looking at my own mothers' hands. Of course, there are many people who have purposely tried to be the opposite of their family members. But try as they may....there is always some pieces of the family tree they just cannot shed. Let's face it....if you plant an apple tree...you don't get an orange from it. We are pretty much like who we are around the most.

This is even true of our friends. I guess that is where the other old adage comes from...."Birds of a feather, flock together." We just feel more comfortable with those who we are most similar to. But sometimes it is good to take a hard look at how we act. Just because the crowd is behaving a certain way, doesn't mean it is advisable to join in. Think "Mob Mentality". Six million Jews were killed because the people involved thought as long as everyone else was alright with it......it must be alright. NOT. Think for yourself. If it doesn't feel right...it probably isn't.

This also takes Gommy to a quote I read on Facebook today. It was from a Lebanese-American poet who was born in the 1800's named Kahil Gibran, and it said, "You are the bows from which your children, as living arrows, are sent forth.....Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness; For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable." This means to Gommy that we, as parents, have an obligation to teach our children what is right and wrong and to monitor ourselves so that we don't fill our children with bigotry, hate and meanness. If we equip our children with hate and vitriol....that is what they will be experiencing throughout their life because what you put forth into the world....only comes back to you in full force. We need to be 'stable' in our discipline.....both with the children and with ourselves. We cannot expect a good outcome for our children if we teach them hate. We must think of how we are arming them for the world they will be living in when we are gone.

I recently read a very good piece from an Unknown Author...and it really resonated with me. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. Here it is:

Even though I clutch my blanket and growl when the alarm rings each morning, thank you, Lord that I can hear. There are many who are deaf.

Even though I keep my eyes tightly closed against the morning light as long as possible, thank you Lord that I can see. There are many who are blind.

Even though I huddle in my bed and put off the effort of rising, thank you, Lord that I have the strength to rise. There are many who are bedridden.

Even though the first hour of my day is hectic, when socks are lost, toast is burned, and tempers are short, thank you, Lord for my family. There are many who are lonely.

Even though our breakfast table never looks like the pictures in magazines and the menu is at times unbalanced, thank you Lord for the food we have. There are many who have no job.

Even though I grumble and bemoan my fate from day to day and wish my circumstances were not so modest, thank you, Lord, for the gift of life. This would be a great Thanksgiving prayer to say this year....Don't ya' think?

So, take this week of Thanksgiving to reflect on all we have to be thankful for. Also, take a good look at what you are teaching your children. Make sure it is all about love and treating people as they would like to be treated. Have a great holiday everyone and let's make this coming year a kinder gentler year, filled with kindness. You can do it....Gommy is pulling for you....Hugs & Mush, Gommy

Aha!

Hello out there all my little peeps! It is the beginning of a new week and magic is in the air. Thanksgiving will soon be upon us and the most wonderful time of the year is right after that. The Winter Holidays!!!! Christmas for some....Hanukkah for others....Kwanza for others.....and Ramadan for others still. It seems that people finally get it all together during the Winter Holidays and actually wish for Peace, Harmony and Good Will toward all. Even the Scrooges of the world lighten up a bit during this time of year.

That got Gommy to thinking why this warm and fuzzy feeling isn't prolonged, nurtured and kept going, to stay in our consciousness all year. And why do some people find it easier to live and let live....not be as hateful....find it unpleasant to constantly stir the proverbial pot of discontent....and on and on and on, while others seem to enjoy being miserable and hateful? Gommy says seems to because no one could really like being hateful. It is a terrible way to live.

After hearing repeated statements lately, such as: each person has a destiny, that light and love are the way to happiness, that each person who crosses your/our path is meant to teach us lessons, and that we are all one... it got Goms to thinking of people in my own life and about their personalities,....of my own trials, tribulations and blessings.... and the reasons why we all act as we do. The main question Gommy has, is why is it easy for some and not so easy for others to be happy in their own life?

One reason may be that the ones who are having the hardest time and act the harshest, do so because they are very stubborn in their way of thinking. They can see only black and white and they seem to choose to believe the very worst of a group of people, or of their own circumstances, and about life in general. These people are very unhappy and don't have a very good feeling about themselves. They aren't happy unless they are stirring the pot of life. They feel they have to be the conductor, the lead person, the be-all/end-all in charge person that is the only one who could possibly know, 'for sure', how everything should run. If anything gets out of their control....watch out. They erupt very easily and make everyone around them very uncomfortable. But that is just their 'tool' to keep everyone in line. Just like the lion-tamer in the circus. The lion or tigers could easily take out the little old lion tamer at any time.....but the tamer cracks that whip as if that would really save his butt if the massive feral animals wanted to charge at him.

The 'tamer' is very delusional. He thinks that everyone is paying close attention to him because he/she is sooooo very interesting and admired. Wrong Mr/Ms Tamer. You are acting a fool and everyone but you seems to be in on the joke. But you have to keep up the facade because if you lay your whip down or quit your loud bellowing.....everyone may decide to charge at you and you will be seen for the fraud that you are.

Then the thought came to Goms..."Why do we even need these abrasive people in the world, that we seem to come into contact with all the time?". Maybe it is to 'awaken' the rest of us to the realization that they are just making a bunch of noise and they really have no power and our job is actually to help them 'awaken' to a better way of feeling. Just as you would calm a crying child who is afraid....we can help those bullies to see they are loved as well. That is really all they want. They could also be put in our path to mirror some behavior we may be exhibiting and need to change...quickly!!!! When they/we see that being kind, loving and having a genuine care for all really does feel better.... then perhaps they/we may just change their/our hateful, bigoted or ____ (just fill in the blank here) ways.

If you feel you can't do anything about these sorts of people.....ask/pray for guidance in this journey. Know that this may be your mission....to help these people to feel less afraid. Wouldn't it be wonderful to know that you somehow helped someone else be more loving....to have the feeling that everyone else feels during the Winter Holiday Season? How great would it be to be able to sustain these glorious wishes for goodwill, for the entire year.....or years on end?

Something is happening in the world lately. We see more and more people who are searching for peace, love and harmony. This latest awareness recently came in the suggestion that we all stop for 11 seconds on 11/11/10 at 11:11 am and 11:11pm.... and for 11 days after at that time..... and think of beautiful thoughts projecting out into the Universe. To send out loving wishes to all mankind. It has been proven that our attitudes and thoughts are contagious....so wouldn't it be great if a nicer thought pattern was 'caught' by everyone? So, every time you notice the numbers 11-11 or 22-22 or 33-33 etc. take this as a gentle reminder of how we can promote a greater awareness of a loving nature and that it may just be possible that it could be guidance from God.... that this is sort of a wake-up call to be a gentler 'us' and to be more accepting of our fellow humans and a reminder that we can be of greater use while we are on our life journey. You will find that the more you keep this in mind....the more frequently you will notice these numbers come up in your daily experience. You will feel you are having an inner calling that you cannot ignore any longer. It is a much more rewarding feeling than to be defiling our fellow human beings. Be willing to move beyond the fear.... and love those spanning across all cultures. This IS God's plan for us on Earth and beyond. In God's name....honor and accept His Divine Heritage for us. Blessings abound.....just stop to notice them.

This is the perfect time to start making the attitude adjustments. Thanksgiving is all about what we are grateful for....so amp it up a bit peeps. Don't just give it 'lip-service'....BE thankful and act nice! Since we were all made in the likeness of God....it should be easy to accept that we were meant to be all loving and to help others to be all loving as well. We can make this a better world....it only takes each of us changing our thoughts to positive, loving thoughts.....one person at a time. You can do it boys and girls. Gommy is pulling for ya'....Hugs & Mush, Gommy

Lessons....are they grinding you down or polishing you up?

Hello boys and girls. It's the end of another blessed week. Now, some of you may have had a trying week....or a week with disappointments....or you may have felt that you were under enormous pressure about something happening in your life. We never quite understand why, what or how situations come along in our life, that make us happy, sad, confused or just plain annoy us.

What happens in our life, has defining moments that may change the way we feel, put us in a bad mood, or it can turn out to be the best lesson we ever learned. It mostly depends on our perspective. We can choose to be the half-empty or the half-full subject of the scenario.

If we let things get us down....we are getting 'ground down', so to speak. But if we look for the lessons in the situation, we may be able to 'shine' when we do come out the other end of the event. Don't believe Gommy? Let's say you may think that it isn't possible to be happy about losing your job. But perhaps you weren't loving the job you were in. Losing your job enabled you to take the time to think about what would make you happier in your next job. There are many people who have lost their jobs in the latest financial crisis. And you hear of several people who say they found their hearts desire, by going an entirely different way, out of necessity. They had to look in a different direction from the position they lost. And maybe they started making jewelry, or they worked with animals, or went back to school to become a teacher, because they always loved being with children......there are many stories out there that prove that just when you thought your life as you 'thought' you were comfortable with was snatched away.....the most perfect opportunity was placed right under your nose.

Adversity can polish you up and make you stronger. Or you can allow it to grind you down.We never think we can go through something until we are faced with it. There are those of us who have lost children, or a spouse or another loved one and although that grief is not something ANYONE would ever want to face.....there comes a time when you realize that you have to accept 'what is' and be happy for how very blessed you were in having had them in your life. And the experience of those losses, makes you appreciate all you do have in your life and the people you still have, are all the more precious to you.

Here is a story that pretty much sums up how to survive the events in our lives that end up dictating how the rest of our life will be. Enjoy!

Is It Grind or Shine?

Adversity is the grindstone of life. Intended to polish you up, adversity also has the ability to grind you down. The impact and ultimate result depend on what you do with the difficulties that come your way. Consider the phenomenal achievements of people experiencing adversity.

Beethoven composed his greatest works after becoming deaf. Sir Walter Raleigh wrote the History of the World during a thirteen year imprisonment. If Columbus had turned back, no one could have blamed him, considering the constant adversity he endured. Of course, no one would have remembered him either. Abraham Lincoln achieved greatness by his display of wisdom and character during the devastation of the Civil War. Luther translated the Bible while enduring confinement in the Castle of Wartburg. Under a sentence of death and during twenty years in exile, Dante wrote the Divine Comedy. John Bunyan wrote Pilgrim's Progress in a Bedford jail.

Finally, consider a more recent example. Mary Groda-Lewis endured sixteen years of illiteracy because of unrecognized dyslexia, was committed to a reformatory on two different occasions, and almost died of a stroke while bearing a child. Committed to going to college, she worked at a variety of odd jobs to save money, graduated with her high school equivalency at eighteen, was named Oregon's outstanding Upward Bound student, and finally entered college. Determined to become a doctor, she faced fifteen medical school rejections until Albany Medical College finally accepted her. In 1984, Dr. Mary Groda-Lewis, at thirty-five, graduated with honors to fulfill her dream.

Adversity - the grindstone of life. Will it grind you down or polish you up?

Curing Our 'Mental Illness'

Good Sunday Boys and Girls. The weather down here in South Florida has been absolutely gorgeous lately. This is what they call 'Chamber of Commerce' weather and is what makes the 'Snowbirds' flock to us when their weather gets really yucky, redundant and unbearable!

Today, Gommy wants to talk about how our past has such a grip on our present.....that it becomes a ridiculous way to live. For many, there is much pain in their history. But, until we get a grip.....and realize that our past is gone and cannot hurt us any longer....we continue to let our past affect our wonderful NOW.

What Gommy meant in the title of today's blog, "Mental Illness", does not mean that we are insane. It means that we have dis-ease about our past. We are conditioned by our past. We allow our past to dictate to our NOW.

Goms has been re-reading and re-listening to the self-help guru Eckhart Tolle again recently (and don't get all wacka-doodle here...because 'guru' just means teacher). He has many insights into why we do allow our past to sometimes take over our present.

Gommy has had occasions to observe this behavior, first hand. We all have actually. We just didn't realize where it was coming from when we were observing it. For example: say someone is consumed with jealousy, guilt, hatred...for another sibling. Where did these emotions come from? They came from the conditioned 'pain body' that Mr. Tolles explains so beautifully in his book, "A New Earth".

Pain body just means, what is called in today's terminology,....baggage. The baggage we carry with us from our conditioned past experinces. We may have been a sibling of one brother who we thought was getting too much attention from their mother or father. Not realizing that there are many different relationships that occur, even within a family. A mother or father does not necessarily love one child more than another. But they can have more in common with one child than another and get along with that child better, because the child isn't argumentative and doesn't cause friction to the parent/child relationship.

When the sibling grows up...they bring with them, that baggage of their childhood and actually have feelings of hate for the other sibling (yes, that is a strong word, but describes the venomous emotions of the affected sibling to a tee). They end up with a tortured NOW...because they are still living in their Past.

Or, if you grew up with losing a loved one at an early age.....you may 'measure' every instance, choice, circumstance or situation that comes up in your life, with the yardstick of losing more. So, you make yourself and everyone else around you uncomfortable to enjoy themselves by your constant compulsion to hold onto every last cent you have. And you may not even be aware that everyone else, except you, can see and feel this emotion in you.

Or perhaps you have a terrible relationship with your parents. Eckhart Tolle quotes Ram Dass in saying..."If you think you are enlightened...spend two weeks with your parents." This is because there is no other relationship that has their stamp on you more than the relationship you share with your parents. They are the ones who gave you the groundwork of your beliefs about yourself and life in general. When you grow up and start living your own life...you want nothing more than to live your life the way YOU want and you no longer want your parents' approval (although that would be nice, but is not neceassary). If you can just 'accept' your parents and realize they are who THEY are, you will find peace in being in their company. Realize that they are acting in their past mental emotional conditioning as well and if they are strong willed....it is even harder, because they will not give up the grip of giving you advice on how you should be living your life very easily.

You must practice being with difficult people in small doses. If you can tell yourself that you only have to be in control of your own 'presence' in their company for say an hour....it is easier than visiting them for a week. You don't have to 'agree' with them....you just have to accept that 'this is where they are coming from' and try not to internalize it. But remember this very important thing....the closer you are to this difficult person....the more they 'know' what your 'hot buttons' are and they are very skillful in pushing them....often and at the most inopportune time. Like when you are feeling smug about controlling your reaction to their smugness.....opinions.....intrusions. BAM....your 'right, hot' button was push and you find yourself right back into that feral emotionality from your past conditioning. This is where many family Holiday dramas come to a head.....Too much of a good thing?

But if we can realize that they or WE are reacting from our "past emotional conditioning"...then we can try to accept 'what is' and go from there. Tell yourself that THEY or WE are not acting from who WE actually are....but from our DIS-ease of our mental conditioning of our past....and we may be able to take an intelligent approach to the situation. Realize that we, or they, are reacting from reliving or revisiting our past conditons.

Whew....did that clear anything up for you? Or are you still in denial that YOU could have ANY part in your own suffering? Remember...suffering is brought on by not accepting. There is no use fighting with "WHAT IS" is there? You aren't going to change what already IS. And you may not be able to change the other person.....But you CAN change how you react to them and to the relationship.

So, everyone who is having any emotional conflicts with your mother, brother, sister or whomever.....try practicing 'non-reaction'. Gommy isn't saying it is easy.....that is what conditioning is all about. What we need to do is be RE-conditioned....Hey, if it's good for a car.....it should be good for us as well....lol....

The Holidays are coming up pretty soon, and it sure would be nice if everyone 'played nice' this year. Quit bringing your old baggage with you to the festivities every year. Bring your new, awakened, aware luggage this time. It will be a whole lot nicer gathering. Gommy promises! You can do it....Gommy is pulling for ya'....Hugs & Mush, Gommy

Let's All Get Happy!

Hi boys and girls. Today is the first day that it has felt like Fall is actually coming this year to South Florida. The air is crisp and the humidity has gone somewhere to hibernate. Hooray! It makes Gommy happy to see and feel the change and know that we are coming upon the Happy Time of year for most people....the Holidays!

Just as Goms was being all happy-butt....an aha moment came into my mind and made me wonder about the concept of 'being happy'. Many people strive for happiness in their life and it seems as though the harder we look for happiness.....the more it eludes. There is a secret to finding happiness.....Wanna' know what it is? Keep reading and Gommy will let you in on it.

First, let's go to where you won't find happiness and it may lead you out of that mine field and point you to the direction of 'finding' your happiness. It is absolutely, positively and promised that you will not find happiness in comparing yourself with anyone else. Not in how they look, or how much they have, or what stature they have achieved in their career. This means that you must not compare yourself in thinking YOU are better, prettier, richer or have a BETTER career than anyone else either! Any time you compare yourself with anything or anyone else....you have lost the connection that allows you to be and feel the way God/Source/Being (or whatever name you feel comfortable using) wants you to feel.

God only wants us to be joyful and blissful. It only puts up roadblocks or stumbling blocks when we choose to grade ourselves against others. We do it to ourselves. We tell ourselves that we aren't pretty enough or nice enough.....or thin enough.....or you get the picture. When all you have to do is to be grateful and appreciate all the things we have been provided to BE happy....and it was all given to us with Grace. We didn't earn it....it was GIVEN freely to us to enjoy.

To put it another way....Think of how you feel when you give your child or your grandchild or your spouse or partner something and they show that they love it. You experience that warm and fuzzy feeling just as much, or maybe more, than they do. That is because you gave them something...they showed appreciation for it....and you get to feel wonderful too. That is exactly how God feels when we are grateful for all we have been given. It just takes us to notice....then to say thank you. That's it.

The tricky part is to remember to watch for all of the occasions that there are to be grateful for. Sometimes, we get so caught up on living our life....that we don't notice all we do have. These things are the Blessings that are given to us every day. We were put here to experience life in a joyful way. The people who aren't experiencing very much joy.....are in that other frame of mind, that compares themselves to others.....who are holding grudges against others....are bitter about their life experiences....feel their life 'isn't fair'.....and on and on.

We can also compare our life situation or to someone else and feel we are more important than someone else. Someone who has a job that we don't feel is as important as ours....someone who has less money than we do....lives in a lesser house than we live....who we feel superior to. That is a big mistake. It is like an orchestra. Is the flute any more important than the cello....or the violin...or the piano? Nooooo. The beautiful music comes from the whole. The music needs all of the instruments to make the symphony enjoyable and moving. We can be the conductor of our lives. Be content with what you have and you will not be searching for something better to bring you happiness.

I have witnessed people with so very little, having the time of their life together. They may be enjoying time at a picnic at the beach. Or having a cookout in the back yard....playing sports together.....whatever it is....they are having a good time doing it. They are laughing and having a glorious experience. They aren't thinking that someone, somewhere.... may be living in a mansion with more than they have. That is the secret. Enjoy and be happy for what you have.

Ernest Hemingway said..."Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know!" Maybe that is because the people who are always 'thinking' about happiness....never seem to know when they have it. It is right here in front of us all the time. A beautiful sunrise or sunset...a bird singing to us from a tree...a baby's smile...a tender hug from someone we love....having someone we love want to spend time with us. Wow....it doesn't get much better than that.

It all boils down to love. Loving who you are....loving what you do....loving who you are with....loving all that is given to us to enjoy and appreciating it. So boys and girls....take a minute to count your blessings. They are everywhere. Instead of complaining about your job...be grateful you have a job. Instead of complaining about your kids...be glad they are healthy and still with you. Instead of complaining about your spouse...be glad you aren't alone in the world.

Be happy people....you can do it....Gommy is pulling for you. Hugs & Mush - Gommy

It Is All Very Simple...Really!

Hello boys and girls. Gommy just got back from visiting with my little grands so mommy and daddy could have a lunch together without wiping anyone's mouth except their own for a change. Not that they mind wiping their little angels mouths. In fact, Gommy has to practically force mommy to take a break away from the little ones sometimes. I don't blame her a bit. They are really adorable and so much fun to be around. But everyone needs a little change of scenery sometimes...even mommies and daddies.

But, after coming home and counting my blessings once more....I began reading the updates on Facebook. I came across a short video of a gathering that was held in Washington DC this weekend. A couple of comedy stars, with the help of some friends, got up this grassroots trip to DC to have a friendly demonstration to show that the politics of the day are way out of whack.

What with the.... all the time...every hour...unending talking heads on the cable TV shows, spouting off and then airing all the other people spouting off about their opinions...mostly vitriolic hatred....and the immediate and viral expediency of this trash talking stuff reaching everyone....I feel that it just ends up igniting those who are full of hate and bigotry anyway.

When did we get so full of hate again? I thought we left that mentality back in the Civil War Days when brother fought against brother, all in the name of disagreement.. "Civil' War? That is certainly an oxymoron if I have ever heard one! If you think about it....it still boils down to hating someone for not agreeing with you.

The ads for the politicians are so full of mud slinging and name calling, that it just turns ones stomach. But apparently not everyone's stomach...because they say that negative ads sell and people believe them! Geesh. Goms is pretty sure not too many people could stand up to the scrutiny (now they call it vetting) that a person has to go through to run for office. Most people have some skeletons in their closet that they would like to stay in the closet!

All of this got Goms to thinking about a man who lived over twenty-five Centuries ago. Let that sink in your mind for a minute....25 Centuries....long before there was any mention of Jesus Christ. So, how did this man named Lao Tzu, have the insight....foresight....awareness...or whatever it was, to write down the wonderful things he wrote?

Many people will just dismiss it when they think of it as Taoism. That is the 'tag' that is used on Lao Tzu's philosophy. But if you can stop thinking that it is different from your own religion....and just let the meaning of the words sink in, you may just learn something from a man who lived a very long time ago and seems to have pretty much figured out how to live in harmony, humility , happiness and peace. And isn't that pretty much what we all strive for anyway? If you just can't stop thinking of it as another religion (which it isn't...) just put the name God or Allah or Christ...or whatever you feel comfortable with, in place of The Tao, when you read the words. Gommy personally feels it is how God/Universe/Being/Source, thinks and would like us to think as well. There is nothing in the writings that would hurt a single person, fly, ant, plant or any other single thing in the world.
Here are a few examples of the very wise words of Lao Tzu, that Gommy would like to share:

1)I realize that all things change…therefore there is nothing for me to hold onto.
2)Do great things while they are still small. A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step..a tree grows from one seedling…a tower starts with one brick.
3)The less I care about the approval of others….the more approval I receive. I work in trusting all others to know their own highest nature…rather than imposing my own rules and regulations on them. Therefore, I am free to be myself, without having to live by anyone elses’ rules.
4)I attract cooperation when I release the need to control anyone’s life…including my own!
5)I am an immortal Spiritual Being…having a temporary human experience.
6)I gain by losing…I lose by gaining.
7)If you must be a radical….choose to be a radical in humility or to be radical in appreciation.
8)I do not need rules to be kind and just.
9)When my cup is full…I will quit pouring.
10)Fame or integrity: which is more important?Money or happiness: which is more valuable?Success or failure: which is more destructive? You choose.
11)If you look to others for fulfillment,you will never truly be fulfilled. If your happiness depends on money,you will never be happy with yourself.
12)Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are.When you realize there is nothing lacking,the whole world belongs to you.
13)The Tao (you can replace Tao with God here) never expects anything, yet through it all, things are done.
14)If powerful men and women could venture themselves in 'IT', the whole world would be transformed by itself, in its natural rhythms.People would be content with their simple, everyday lives, in harmony, and free of desire.
15)When there is no desire, all things are at peace.
16)If you want to shrink something,you must first allow it to expand.If you want to get rid of something,you must first allow it to flourish. If you want to take something,you must first allow it to be given.This is called the subtle perception of the way things are.
17)The soft overcomes the hard.The slow overcomes the fast.
18)Let your workings remain a mystery.

There are several more....but these resonated with me the most. Gommy can't find anything in any of these thoughts that are harmful to anyone or anything. And it may just be more beneficial to the world if we could and would live this way. But.....alas....we are all in charge of our own destiny.....or our life experiences. So, do as you will....but Gommy is going to work on trying to live this way and I bet life will seem happier, more harmonious and peaceful. Anyone who wants to try it is invited to come along with Gommy....you can do it....Gommy is pulling for you. Hugs & Mush, Gommy

Yes Virginia...There is a God!

Hello Boys and Girls. Gommy has been studying about this consciousness 'stuff' and, awareness, God/Universe/Being/Source, etc… and for the life of me….I can’t understand how anyone can think this all just ‘happened’ in some Big Bang coincidence. There is too much perfection in everything from atmospheres, tides, flora-fauna, the planets, stars, galaxies and even in we humans. There are soooo many things that go on in a human body that we usually don’t even think about. Like; where are the words in your brain stored that is able to read this right now? What is making you breath in and out, keeping your heart beating, or having our white cells know which germ to attack and which to leave alone because it is healthy? Where is the color red or blue or green in your brain? Where was it before you had the thought of a particular color and brought it forth? Where are your emotions stored? How does grass grow on the sides of hills and mountains, that were not planted, so there isn’t erosion? Did you know the birds and other animals eat the seeds and then as they eliminate them from their systems….new grass is ‘planted’ elsewhere. Why does that happen? Just coincidence? I think not. It has been carefully orchestrated by a being much, much, much smarter than we could ever imagine with our miniscule understanding. I was reading about how Salmon find their way back home to spawn…..how Homing Pigeons also find their way back home, even if they are let loose hundreds of miles away….and how Bees ‘see’ differently than humans so they can find the different flowers they need for food and to germinate other flowers for procreation of the plant.

It got Gommy to thinking….hmmmmm. All of these creatures use and are actually energy in some form or fashion to navigate their way around. And seeing we are ALL made up of energy,….humans as well as animals, fish, flora (yes, even flowers, trees and plants are energy). We all remember learning about photosynthesis in Science class don’t we? (Photosynthesis - a metabolic pathway that converts light energy into chemical energy)…then we must all be interconnected by all of our energies ‘feeding’ off each other.

If anyone has ever wondered how God created everything to work precisely how it is supposed to work…..this is a little hint. It is how the Divine Laws of the Universe work all the time…whether or not you choose to believe them. God doesn’t have an ego, so don’t worry about hurting His feelings. He couldn’t be bothered by such nit-picky emotions, so he makes sure things keep working as they should whether you agree with His methods or not. Thank God…lol…God had to design everything to work perfectly…no matter what. That is why when bad stuff happens…..you shouldn’t blame God. Bad stuff just does happen. It isn't God trying to ruin your day or your life.

It mostly happens when we aren’t completely in the ‘NOW’. Think about the last time you tripped over something, or you had a fender bender, or you went passed the street you were supposed to turn on. You did those things when you had let your mind wander away from what your attention was supposed to be focused on.

The same thing happens when we are living in the past or looking forward to the future. We are not tending to our NOW. Our NOW is all we really have. So, it would be wise to nurture it….pay attention to it…. and savor it. While we are thinking of other stuff….our present NOW is not getting our very deserved undivided attention. That is when stuff happens that isn’t what we want to happen.

It can happen to a marriage, a job, raising a child….(fill in the blank here). That is why you hear people say….time flies or I can’t believe I am this age or what happened to my romantic marriage or my innocent children. Or I haven’t heard from my old friend (fill in the blank) in a long time. Or where did the time go? Gommy will tell you where it went….It went somewhere fast….when you weren’t paying any attention to it.

The only time that we don’t think of time is when we are so absorbed in something that we love, love, love doing that we don’t even think of a clock or the time. But what happens then, is that whatever it was that you were so engrossed in….turns out to have a wonderful outcome and is very rewarding and enjoyable. That works for raising your children, enjoying friendships, having a happy marriage or loving the work you do for your living.

So, take the time to enjoy the important things in life. It will be so much more enjoyable for you…I promise. You can do it….Gommy is pulling for you.

Oh....and in case you don’t believe Gommy about the birds and the bees and the flowers and the trees….here are some interesting facts (below) about how God made sure all this wonderful stuff we get to enjoy…. actually does work!!! It’s the Universal Laws at work folks….whether you believe it or not. Hugs & Mush, Gommy

How is it that homing pigeons find their way home?

This has been an area of intense research in recent years. It turns out that pigeons and a number of other species including bats have metal deposits in their heads. These metal deposits, hematite, are iron and they're magnetically sensitive. They use the Earth's magnetic field as a kind of compass (and you need energy to create a magnetic field). They know the sun rises in the east and sets in the west and so by using sunrise and sunset they are able to gain timing. They set their compass according to where the sun is at certain times. That gives them their compass directions. By changing their orientation relative to the Earth's magnetic field they are able to navigate. They use this as a broad directional cue. At the same time they also use visual cues because they have the hippocampus part of their brain, which registers where they are in relation to their environment.

How do salmon find the way back to their spawning grounds?

Scientists do not know exactly how a salmon "remembers" the way back to its native stream after an ocean journey possibly lasting several years and covering several thousand miles. They agree, however, that salmon, like homing pigeons, appear to have an innate compass or "search recognition" mechanism that does not rely on the sun, moon, stars, or physical signs. Some scientists theorize that the salmon's internal compass uses the tiny electrical voltages, generated by ocean currents, moving through the earth's magnetic field. Others believe that the salmon's homing mechanism may take its cues from the varying salinities (levels of saltiness) of the water or the specific smells encountered along the journey.

Can Bees See Color?

Yes, which is how bees can navigate (using the sun as a reference) even on a cloudy day, because Ultraviolet light passes through clouds. Just as we see the sun in a blue sky background on a clear day, theBee sees the sun in an ultraviolet sky background on even a cloudy day. The underlying reason that the sky appears ultraviolet to a bee (and blue to us) is that something happens to the sun's rays when they hit charged particles. These charged particles are in the ionosphere and in Nitrogen and Oxygen "dipoles" in the atmosphere. The sun's radiation will cause the charged particle to vibrate, and when the charged particle vibrates it re-radiates energy. If you work out the mathematics (physics) of this re-radiation, it turns out that the energy is re-radiated in proportion to the fourth power of the frequency (as discovered by Raleigh in the 1800's and worked out with a more accurate distribution formula by Einstein early in the 20th century). For humans, who have eyes that have blue, yellow and red sensors, the fourth power formula means that blue from the sky is ten times stronger than red, so the sky looks blue. Similarly, for bees (and other insects), the highest frequency sensors in their eyes detect ultraviolet), and so the sky appears ultraviolet to them.

TOLD YA’ ;-)))

I Miss You

Today is 18 years since my son Terry and daughter Tiffany were killed in a car accident. It seems like yesterday that the horrendous news of them dying burned a hole in my heart and in my life. The loss of a child is the most life altering tragedy imaginable. While you were once a mother of three….in the blink of an eye…..you are without two of your three children.

When you have children who have died…..there comes a time when there is a problem with explaining your circumstances to people when they ask, “How many children do you have?” What you want to say is that you have three children…..but in reality you have one living and two that are no longer of this earth. No matter what the circumstances…..I will always be the mother of three…. but do I dare go into a long explanation of my whole life situation? What I have come to learn over time is that the moment you say you have lost children…the other person begins to actually squirm and recoil right in front of you and you feel yourself becoming sorry for THEM. This is because you can see that they don’t have any idea of what to say after you answer what is usually quite a benign question.

But you don’t want to NOT include your other children in the picture. You still love them as much as ever. You still cherish the time you spent with them. You still wonder what they would look like today…..what music they would like…..what TV shows or movies they might like to watch. There isn’t a day that goes by that you don’t think of them in some way or have some memory of the time you did spend with them. This time of the year is always a paradox for me too, in that I used to LOVE the Fall of the year and now when I am enjoying it, the memory of the accident returns…..and it makes me wish we could just delete October 26 from all calendars.

Just the other day I went to the Mall and passed a Wet Seal clothing store. My Tiffany loved that store. Tiff was really into Fashion. So, I just smiled as I walked by and said (actually aloud, but softly enough so no one would think I was batty), “Hey Tiff….bet you’d like to be shopping in there today.” And I surely wish that I was shopping in there with her toooooo……sigh……

And every time I see someone on a motorcycle, I think of my gorgeous son Terry. He loved motorcycles. He even raced them at motorcycle track venues. YIKES…too scary for me to have watched, but he certainly did enjoy riding his 'bike'. His two children are pretty much grown now. Megan is 18 and Terry will be 20 in January. My Terry would be so proud of his kids. I can still see him carrying his Terry around when we was a baby, as if he was the first and only child ever born. His love just oozed out all over him. Now that LLT is grown…it is eerie to see how much he looks like his Dad. They are both hunky hunks…..(spoken like a true Mom and Gommy, right?). LLT is planning on going into the Army and becoming an Airborne Ranger, just like his Dad. Terry never had the opportunity to meet Megan because he died before he could see her. But he would be super proud of her as well. She is a sweetheart, funny like her Dad, a caring human being, a very smart girl and a beauty all wrapped up in one special ‘package’.

So, do I miss my beautiful children? You bet I do. But I have the most wonderful memories of the special times we shared that all I have to do is close my eyes and relive them, any time I want (and I want A LOT….and often!). Do I still grieve? Yes, but not in the cloying way when we first learned of their accident. I will always grieve but I am also very grateful for having had them in my life. Do I wish I could see their beautiful faces again or hear their sweet voice call me Mom again…..ahhhh…..yes, yes, yes!!! But there is a saying that goes, ‘Don’t cry because it ended….smile because it happened.’ Boy, is that ever a truism. I would not trade one single minute of the awesome times we shared. I read a beautiful thought somewhere…it said, “Even the most exquisite silk will remain intact if you pull out a thread…..but the snag will always show.” That is how it is when we lose a member of our family. The family is still somewhat intact….but the absence is always felt. And just as poignant is the wording from an Irish Headstone: “Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.” Amen to that!

But somehow, in the rubble of what was left of the “Me”, the me I always pictured myself as….was the crack in my awareness that led me to the beginning of knowing what life’s purpose is all about. I knew I had to stay around for my beautiful daughter Tracey and for that I am most grateful. Because she has since given me many more blessings to be thankful for in her wonderful and sweet family. And the adult friendship between a mother and a daughter that we share is extraordinary.

Several years later, I found myself facing serious financial woes from the upside down economy…. and the once again, all too familiar uncertainty of the path that my journey was leading me. But I then became aware that in losing all material wealth, and having nothing else to lose in that area of my life….that my journey was once again showing me life lessons to grow from. The realization that I have and have always had…all I need in life... and that everything that has happened to me along the way and everything that will never happen to me…..all make up ‘Me’. I still have the most amazing family and friends, whether I have material things or not. I still had been blessed with three amazing children that showed me how deep love can be. But I had to lose me (or what I thought comprised ‘me’) to find me….ironic isn’t it? I have come to learn that it takes a thunderous jolt in life to begin searching and finding your spirituality. When all is well….there is no need. I think if you speak to most people who search…..you will find that something earth shattering occurred that began their journey.

As I said, I still have so many blessings in my life. I have a great husband to share the rest of my journey with and I find comfort in that sharing. I have the most amazing daughter Tracey. She is my friend as well as my daughter. Tracey has a great husband, John and they have two beautiful children (Samantha and Brandon) who my husband and I get to spend time with and still make beautiful memories with. And my husband’s son Michael has a beautiful daughter Kyra with his fiancée Fio, who we get to see and be with and enjoy. And my Tracey is an awesome Aunt to Megan and Terry. She loves them dearly and would do anything for them. Just as Terry & Tiffany would be such a great Aunt and Uncle to Tracey’s children and to their stepbrother Michael’s daughter Kyra. Boy, time sure does march on. My son Terry’s wife Deana has stayed close to us all of these years and still keeps in touch with us. And my grown-up grands, Megan and Terry come visit when time allows in their very busy life. Life IS good!!!! Thank you God…..

Over the past year, Terry & Megan (and my daughter Tracey and I) have had the awesome opportunity of connecting with some of my Terry’s Army Ranger buddies through Facebook. It is truly amazing to see their pictures of Terry that I have never seen and read the kind words of what a special human being, friend and role model Terry was for them. Thanks guys. It means a lot to our family.

A dear friend of mine sent me an email about the word DASH the other day. The idea was that when we die, the date of our birth and the date of our death are put on a headstone. In between those two dates, is a dash. The dash represents the life of the person. All of the people, events, ups and downs and the loves of the person are in that dash. I am so very grateful that I was in the ‘DASH’ of Terry and Tiffanys’ life.

I often hear people say they tell their stories to help others who may have to face the same thing they have had to face. If my story can help any other parent who has or may still be faced with the overwhelming sadness that comes with the loss of a child, then I am glad if I helped a bit. I hope they can take away from my story that we can survive such unbelievable grief.…that there will come a time when you can think of your loved ones and smile without sobbing…. And you will eventually get to the place where you can soften that grief or perhaps replace some of it with the gratitude of having had them in your life. So, here’s to two very wonderful, special, deeply loved and very missed children…..my babies. And you will always be my babies. I love you Terry and Tiffany and I will…forever and ever. We all miss you bunches and we will never forget you! It’s another year away from you….but maybe it’s just another year closer to seeing you once again. Thank you for being a special part of my journey. Hugs & Mush, Mom

Here's Your Wake-Up Call Again Goms!!!

Hello boys and girls. Hope everyone is well and enjoying the blessings we all share. This weekend was another....."knock-knock....is anybody home?" kind of lesson to put in my journal on life.

The weekend started off with a reunion of a bunch of friends getting together who had worked at the same restaurant that Gommy worked at many moons ago. It was so wonderful to see everyone and many came from very far away. Goms was lucky in that Grandpa and I live close by and didn't have to fly in to celebrate with everyone. The wake-up part for Gommy was that it had been over twenty-five years since some of us had seen each other. It makes you realize how fleeting time really is.....and it also makes you wonder if you had used all those years to the best of your abilities.

The second part of my wake-up weekend was spent visiting Grandpa's mom in a convalescent home. She is not doing well and we were very sad to see her so ill. Nana has always been so full of life and has always had a mind that is as sharp as a tack! The whole family would call her when they couldn't think of a movie-star from a certain movie, or the name of a neighbor from long ago, or the name of the store on this street or that.....This was before you could look up all this stuff on the Internet. She always knew the answer. She and granddaddy always came to all the children's celebrations. Birthdays, baptisms, graduations....you name it. They were always there to celebrate with everyone. Granddaddy has since passed and up until very recently, Nana was still able to get it together and get going! The nagging in the back of my head kept reminding me that it was 'only' twenty-six years ago that Nana was the age Gommy is today! And it seems like just yesterday when I look back.

Grandpa & Gommys' little sixteen month old granddaughter Kyra went along as well with her mommy and daddy. The stark difference in the age of this sweet little child and her sweet great-grandmother was very obvious in the setting of an old aged home. There was this energetic, happy, frolicking youth displayed in little Kyra and then there was the reality that many of these people were at the very end of their lives and just waiting.....waiting to leave their life here on Earth. As we were leaving and going down corridor after corridor of people sitting in wheelchairs....it seemed like I was watching a movie where the people were all lined up and waiting for someone to come to take them to their final destination. You could see how much life little Kyra brought to the 'home'. The older patients just oohed and ahhed over her youthful energy. It is always that way when someone very old sees a baby or toddler. It is the reality that life is just beginning for the little one. And life has already been spent for the older ones.

There was also a younger man there (around 35), who looked as if he either had a disease that crippled him or had been paralyzed from something else. It was very sad to think that he would be living the rest of his life in this environment. He was in a wheelchair and I noticed he was just chatting with a male nurse and it was obvious that the reason was because the male nurse was the closest person around who he could relate to.

Talk about counting your blessings!!! Gommy was counting and recounting them all the way home. And I am still thinking about how blessed I am to this very minute. We take for granted that we will always be able to take care of ourselves. And that we will have the option to just get up and go whenever we feel like it. Well peeps....there are no guarantees in life and Goms would suggest we take a little time to realize how blessed we are to be able to do these things.

The next time you find yourself complaining about anything....think about the poor person who doesn't have your options. Don't like your job? I bet someone out there would like to have your job. To feel good about themselves again. To not have to depend on their parents or friends or other relatives for help. Don't like to have to cook dinner? Think of those people who are homeless and don't have dinner every night. Don't like the shape you find your body in lately? Thank your lucky stars that you don't have to be taking chemotherapy or radiation treatments to cure a cancer somewhere in that body. Gommy doesn't want to be a Debbie-Downer....but we could all use a swift kick in the butt at times to give us a reality check.

Of course, hindsight is always 20/20 - because if we had a crystal ball....we may have done certain things differently. Goms, for one thing, would surely have squeezed out every single ounce from the joyous times spent with those that are no longer with me. And I would have watched my finances more prudently and I would have been kinder at certain times and.... And............wait a minute.......if I hadn't had all the life experiences I have had.....would I still be Gommy? Would I be a better me? A worse me? I'll never know those answers will I? You know why? Because that isn't the way it works.

Let me let you in on a little secret. The very reason we do go through all that we do.....is to learn our life lessons. Those of us who don't use the lessons to get it right.....have to repeat the lessons over and over....until we do get it. Sadly some never seem to get it. You can tell those people by the vacant look in their eyes, by the sadness they show, by the anger they have built up inside, by the blame they place elsewhere, by the crutches they have become dependent on (drugs, alcohol, overeating, abusing those less able to defend themselves, etc.) This is not a finger-pointing session in any way. All of those crutches are very real diseases. And no one can cure the disease except the person who is afflicted. We can point to the direction of help....but until they are ready.....it isn't going to work.

It is the same with finding happiness. I read somewhere that when we continue to look for happiness.....it is like trying to catch a butterfly...it is always just out of reach. And when we do have moments of real happiness...we are likely to tire of it eventually and search for the next 'fix' of whatever will make us happy again. I guess that is why you hear of so many stars who are addicted. Gommy used to wonder how or why they needed to get high when they seemed to have everything. Goms says 'used to' because I have come to learn that happiness isn't something to search for....we already have it. We have everything we need. If we just look around. There is abundance everywhere.

And another little secret that is actually hard to grasp......but is very true.....is that whatever you are withholding from others, is the very thing that you are searching for. Gommy had a hard time with this one herself. It is a slippery thought that if you don't have something....and you give it...it will come to you. I know!!!!! Hard to wrap you mind around. But the Bible also says in Luke 6: 38: Give, and (gifts) will be given to you; good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over, will they pour into the pouch formed by the bosom of your robe and used as a bag. For with the measure you deal out with the measure you use when you confer benefits on others, it will be measured back to you.

You hear on TV all the time about how we are going to run out of this or run out of that.....NOT. Can't you see that there is always enough. At least in most places. Gommy isn't talking about third world countries. I'm talking about right here in America.

But back to the wake-up call. Please take the time to notice how wonderful it is to be able to take a bath by yourself. Be grateful for that bologna sandwich you made for lunch yesterday. When you snuggle into your bed tonight....be thankful that you have a bed to snuggle in. And may every day be a day to start out with the feeling of gratitude in your heart.

Take Gommy's advice boys and girls. Life goes by in the blink of an eye. Try to be a gentler, kinder, more appreciative 'you'. It is really a much more pleasant way to live. Like they always say....'take a little time to smell the roses along the way.' All those sayings are true. Like....'life is short'...or 'don't sweat the small stuff', 'live and let live'...they are all good ways to look at life. Enjoy the many blessings we all share. You can do it.....Gommy is pulling for you. Hugs & Mush, Gommy

Stuff the Guilt!

Hello boys and girls. Mostly the girls today though. Gommys' blog title can be meant two ways.....Stuff the guilt (meaning keep pushing in down), or STUFF the guilt (meaning to stuff it....and you know where!).

Most girls, women and especially Mommies, know all too well how to stuff down our guilt about a plethora of feelings, deeds, expectations, etc. Those mommies out there know exactly what Gommy is talking about. Well, Goms is giving you all permission.....right here in writing....to STUFF it wherever it will be out of sight and out of your mind once and for all.

You know the 'stuff' Goms is talking about. The old....'should I make a 5 course dinner tonight or just give them the mac and cheese and fish sticks that they love anyway?' Remember that it isn't poison...it is just convenient. Or , 'Should I take them to yet ANOTHER Princess or Cowboy themed party on Saturday, or spend the day at home in our own pool and relax? Should I skip the next play-date with that unbearable brat and her affected mother or have a sitter come by and go have a massage?' Or am I a horrible Mom because I let them watch a TV show so I don't go bonkers, because they are still for one half hour a day while they are watching their Super Hero or their alter-ego being saved by some Prince somewhere?" Gommy could go on here, but I think you get my drift. The only real harm you may be doing is letting them believe there actually is a knight in shining armor waiting to treat them like princesses somewhere! lol

All Moms, throughout the ages, have struggled with trying to be the best Mom they can be. But you know what? You will always be the best Mom to your kids.....no matter how much you do or don't deprive yourself of, or how hard you try to keep all the plates up in the air or let a few fall to the floor. Your kids love you just because you are their Mom. PERIOD.

Another thing to keep in mind is that if you are haggard, ragged and tired....you will not be at your best anyway, so take care of Mommy first, so there will be something left to nurture with. I know.....you are thinking, 'But that is so selfish!" Uh...and what is your point? How can Moms be expected to care for others when she is so tired from the demands put on her that she doesn't even know WHO she is any longer? And another thing....that term..."Working Mother" is quite redundant....don't you think? DUH. A wife and mother is never without something to do and rarely does something nice JUST for herself. So Moms......pay attention. Gommy says to take a little time for yourself along the way. You will enjoy the whole experience much more. I promise.

And don't say that it isn't possible to take some time for yourself. That isn't exactly true is it? What would you do if you got sick? You would have to let other people take over if you came down with the flu wouldn't you? So....take advantage of a grandparent to watch your little ones....or your spouse could give you a night off with the girls or to do something you would like to do just for yourself. Oh, and here's a little hint....when you leave for that occasional date or whatever it is you must leave your Ivory Tower for, and as you are leaving, those sobbing little ones who are clinging and reaching out for you are pouring on the guilt.....don't give it another thought because they stop crying the moment the door shuts. Sorry kiddies.....I love you to bits...but that little secret needs to be out in the open! Gommy has witnessed it many times for herself!

Another thing to remember is to NOT compare yourself or your child to other people. You don't have any idea what is going on in their lives. Their perfect little one may be perfect out and a total diaper dictator at home. Or the other Mommy may seem all put together and have everything under control but is masking a deeper need to 'seem' as if everything is hunky-dory!

And remember when you were beating yourself up about having a hard time breast feeding? And you let those 'other' people (including your husband) make you feel you weren't 'enough' because the pain and cracked, bleeding nipples was a fault of your not being good enough at your mommy-ism-ness....(is that a word...well it should be...lol). If you could only attach the vacuum to their nipples and every so often use your nail file on them until they bleed and attach the vacuum again...maybe they would 'get it'. I know....Ouch....but that is what some mommies go through in trying to be the best Mom in the world.

And here is another little secret for you Moms....most people.....no matter what they tell you....have yelled at their child before. Unless you are a woman with nerves of steel or are on medication, i.e Xanax and/or copious amounts of wine....your kids do get on your last nerve at times. Just as your husband gets on your nerves at times too. And in the spirit of equal fairness....moms get on their husbands and kids nerves as well. But do not beat yourself up for yelling at the kids sometimes. Just take it as a reminder that it is time for another 'Mommy Break'...or call it timeout for Mommy if you will. And for the rest of the story......the kids aren't scarred for life from your losing it some times. You can ask any person over the age of 40 if their parents yelled and/or spanked them and most will tell you absolutely yesssssss. And we are pretty well adjusted individuals for the most part. It is only the last generation that started with the coddling their children so much that the kids are the bosses of the house instead of the parents. Remember...those little angels are masters and mistresses of manipulation. Just watch them in action when they play mom and dad against each other.....Stay firm and strong. A house divided will definitely fall!

And look where all this leniency has led. Children so abusive that they cause their school chums to commit suicide, or they shoot up their classmates while in some bizarre social misfit gang, or they can have no conscience and are able to actually light another student on fire, or secretly tape them doing something personal and putting it online for others to watch for 'entertainment'....or bully others constantly about their sexual persuasion and many other terrible things we hear all too often on the news. How is that working out for those parents who thought they were practicing 'good parenting rules' by not hurting their childs' self-esteem?

Ok.....now you get the idea that it isn't advisable to allow yourself to have the nasty 'Mommy Guilt'. It is easy and normal to fall into the trap of it....but it isn't wise to wallow in it. We all grow up eventually and we mostly all survive how our own parents parented us. It is so easy to blame Mom for everything in our lives that went wrong.... but when we BECOME Moms....we begin to realize it was much easier to be the BEST Mom before we actually became a Mom.

So..pat yourself on the back (cause you probably won't get many from anyone else) and give yourself a break once in a while. Rejoin the human race (the one where the people are over 4 feet tall). You will be a better Mom for it and if you need another pep talk.....just send Gommy a message at the end of this blog. Goms is pulling for you Mommies of the World! Good job....and Gommy is also sending you all a high five and a virtual pat on the back!!!!

There is a happy ending to this story. It is called becoming a Gommy. All the love and happiness.....none of the responsibility...... or the dreaded guilt......(you may now picture this Gommy smiling).....Hugs & Mush, Gommy

Is This THE Happiness Quotient???

Gommy was wondering today what makes us happy. And low and behold, when I opened up my email page today, AOL had an option of reading a topic of the day. The article that popped out said that the "Happiest Person in the World" had proof that he was happy. Wellllll, that certainly grabbed Gommy's attention. It was as if the answer to my ponderings today, was emailed to me directly. Thanks ethernet!!! We are all seemingly searching for happiness in our lives and this was certainly a very timely and interesting article for Gommy. And for those of you who don't use AOL.....here is the gist of the theory on happiness.

The person in the article, is a Buddhist monk named Matthieu Ricard and he says that you can practice your way to happiness. He actually had an MRI scan that showed that he experienced extreme levels of positive emotions and few negative ones. He was a trained cell biologist in France before he moved to the Himalayas in 1972 to study Buddhism.

AOL Health spoke with Ricard about the cultivation of happiness, the benefits of altruism and how 30 silent minutes a day can change your life. These are his answers to questions he was asked about happiness: (and Goms knows you must be saying, "Yeah, it’s pretty easy to be happy when you live in the mountains and just meditate all the time.” But there is something to be taken away from this study and the thought behind it. )

These are his answers to questions he was asked about happiness:

What is happiness?
Happiness is a way of being rather than an endless search for experiences. Pleasure is fine but it depends on things that are subject to change: people, places, & things. Something tastes good; fire warms you when you're cold. But then this experience turns neutral or averse: Even the most beautiful music is unpleasant after 24 straight hours. But happiness is a more durable state. It's a cluster of basic human qualities that nurture a state of fulfillment, flourishing, of appreciating your life. It's inner freedom, inner strength, and inner peace. These are the resources to deal with the struggles of life. The more you experience happiness, the deeper and more stable it becomes.

You link meditation with happiness. Why?
Meditation is not an exotic eastern practice but is actually mind training. We all have a mind and can work with it.

So the basis of happiness is mind training?
In the sense that mind training means harnessing the potential we have for less vulnerability to provocation from the outside. Meditation helps you cultivate a better emotional balance and inner freedom so you are not a slave of impulses like anger and craving.

And you do this by sitting for 30 minutes a day?
There are different types of meditation, and I tried to gather all these exercises into a small manual for a Western audience ["Why Meditation?"]. But in clinical trials that study the effects of meditation in the West, 30 minutes a day has been the foundation. We always see that after three months, meditation has had a significant effect in reducing stress and the tendency toward depression. It reinforces the immune system and positive emotions. It's been studied for 10 years in the West. Sitting for that precious 30 minutes modifies the quality of the other 23 hours and 30 minutes.

So happiness is a skill?
Pleasure cannot be cultivated -- only renewed. But you can cultivate inner peace, strength, freedom -- the qualities that create genuine happiness. We start with different baselines: For instance, everyone will not become a champion of tennis, but within a few months or a few years of training, even a beginner can become a decent player and enjoy it.

Do negative emotions, like anger, have a purpose?
If you witness someone beating a child or an injustice, anger can motivate you to do something. But all the studies have shown that people who systematically vent their anger just reinforce their tendency to be angry. You don't just want to suppress it or you'll be like a time bomb. Instead, you look at your anger and let it vanish. When you cease to fuel a fire, it slowly dies out.

You're not talking about being a pushover.
A mother who gets angry and aggressive, is taken over by nerves. A mother can be loving but still be firm, straight and a bit severe. You can extend that attitude of the mother to others.

What about sadness?
Sadness is not incompatible with happiness because happiness is not just a pleasant sensation. Sadness can help you feel compassion. Even when you are sad, you can continue to do wonderful things.

What is the relationship between happiness and ambition?
Ambition for wealth, fame or power puts our hopes and fears outside ourselves. It's individualistic, self-centered and egocentric. But ambition in terms of becoming a better person, preserving the environment or finding inner peace can motivate you.

The search for material goods seems to become a cycle for people -- the emptier they feel, the more money and stuff they seek to fill the void.
Yes, they feel empty so they go for a shopping spree or get a younger wife. You get addicted to selfishness.

Is it a lost cause with some people?
Sometimes people say, "I can't sleep." I say, "We have a clinic next door -- go help, and I bet after two weeks, you will be able to sleep." They come back with a more humane perspective and find satisfaction and fulfillment.

So to snap out of it, help other people?
I've seen many successful people who feel empty. They start helping underprivileged kids and find such meaning in life. Everything is different.

People assume altruism may make them unhappy.
Your primary motive is to help others, but it's also the best way to be happy yourself. Ayn Rand said somewhere, that you should be selfish and should not sacrifice any part of yourself. She didn't get the point. Altruism is the best way to make yourself happy. If you look at living beings and see how your actions can contribute to a more compassionate society, you flourish yourself.

All in all, this piece made quite a lot of sense. If we have become depressed from telling our mind all the sad or bad stuff we tell it.....maybe by UNtelling our mind the sad or bad thoughts and replacing the 'monkey talk' with good thoughts, kind thoughts or just silence......it can have a positive effect on our psyche. And that ain't all bad....now is it boys and girls.?

I especially loved the answer about the mother who is loving but firm with her children. I know many moms out there feel they are too strict or overly firm at times....but this reinforced what Gommy has always felt about raising children. Children want.....no NEED discipline and their acting out is a begging to be guided. So, don't feel ashamed or guilty when you are firm with your children...but also don't discipline when you are tired or angry either.

So try practicing being happy boys and girls. It sounds like something that is worth at least trying.....don't you think? Goms is pulling for ya'.....Hugs & Mush, Gommy