"Whatchoo talkin' about Willis?" was a quote by a sitcom actor, in a comedy series from the 80's. The show was 'Diff'rent Strokes' and the actor was Gary Coleman. The saying became a catchphrase and was said each time something happened in the show that 'Arnold' couldn't believe or he was trying to divert any wrong doing on his part. Now, we probably all know someone who tries to blame other people for their wrong-doing or someone who will never admit they are wrong. That catchphrase always comes to mind for Gommy when those occasions occur.
When you think about it, the people who can't seem to admit they have done anything wrong must have a self-esteem problem, or they are in fear of losing their own job or they are uncomfortable that someone who IS doing their job has shown a light on the lack of their performance. It always boils down to fear in some capacity.
The remedy for this dilemma would be to just do your job and you won't have to be worried that someone else is showing you up. But if YOU are the one who IS doing their job.....be careful, because the slackers will try to undermine you by casting aspersions about you behind your back. It is their only defense, since they don't seem to actually want to do what they are getting paid for.
Goms suggestion would be to give an honest days work for the honest pay you recieve and everything will be okie-dokie.....Your day at work will actually go much faster if you stay busy rather than looking for ways to not do your job. Imagine that your place of work was your own business.....then you would have a different perspective. You would want your business to run correctly and you would give your customers the attention they deserve and you would expect the other workers to do their job as well.
The way you present yourself to the customer is a direct reflection on the business for which you are working. Remembering that without the customer......you don't HAVE a job and that should be a wake-up call in these harsh economic times. A customer should be made to feel they are welcomed and be greeted and given your full attention when they come into your place of business. There are many other businesses just like the one where you work, that they can frequent. If you don't take care of the customer........they can just walk down the block and find a place that does make them feel wanted and appreciated.
Think of the last place of business that you went into and they ignored you. Didn't like it, did you? All of a sudden, YOU were the one who felt like telling them that you don't have to buy anything from them and you were upset. Well, that is exactly how the customer where you are working feels if you treat them that way. Texting, talking to the other co-workers instead of giving service to the customer or just ignoring the customer who just walked in is not the way you should treat a perspective customer. They are in your business to buy something and if they feel unwelcomed, they can just turn around and walk away or worse.....never come back! With the way business owners are complaining about having less business, you would think that keeping the customers you are fortunate enough to have, would be high on anyone's priority list......Owner AND employee.
Okay, okay....Goms is officially stepping down from the soap-box now. This was just a friendly suggestion and a heads-up to remind us to take care of what we have or we just might lose it......Have a cheery day!
Hugs, Gommy
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
And what do you want little boy or girl????
Gommy has been hearing people asking "What do you want for Christmas?" quite often lately. That got Goms to thinking how wonderful would it be if we could get (manifest) anything we wanted...anytime we wanted? Pretty darn nice Goms thinks.
But, guess what? You can get anything you want anytime you want. It is called memories. What most people are really just 'wanting' is peace of mind, world peace and a peaceful existence when you get right down to it. And if you want to experience that 'peace' in your own existence, all you have to do is close your eyes and feel God. Remember how it felt to sit by a body of water with your dog and just enjoy your surroundings or watching the sunrise or sunset....or remember lying on the ground when you were young and gazing up at the stars in the sky? Or have you ever been in a small boat on a lake and just completely relaxed while feeling nature all around you? That was God.
If you concentrate, you can even remember smells. Like the smell of rain and wet grass.... or the laundry that was dried outside on a clothesline (that memory may just be for us of the older generation and it was great!)......or the smell of the first day of school each year with the aroma of paste, paper and chalk dust. Or watching the snow fall as it makes fluffy blankets on the ground and the smell of the crispness in the air. Or the aroma of fresh baked cookies your mother just made as you come home from school? Remember playing in the puddles after a storm and not worrying about getting wet?! For real warm and fuzzy feelings, remember the first time you held your newborn baby and the overwhelming emotion that came over you as you realized what a miracle just happened. That was God.
If you want to experience pure joy in the present, just watch your grandchildren as they are amazed by learning something new. Allow the juice of a ripe peach or tomato to run down your chin while you savor each bite. Watch the logs on a fire do a dance for you as they flicker on the hearth. Look at your spouse and be grateful they are with you each day to share your life with you. Sit on the sand and watch the ocean waves somehow stop just short of you. Be thankful for the knowledge that all you have to do to find God is to look for Him in all of these things.
So, little boy or little girl....or big boy and big girl....you CAN have what you want. Just think about it.....Treasure and remember the memories of your past and look forward to making new ones in your future but most of all......enjoy the present moment.....Goms heard someone say recently...."The present moment is the only moment that never ends." God Bless......Hugs and Mush, Gommy
But, guess what? You can get anything you want anytime you want. It is called memories. What most people are really just 'wanting' is peace of mind, world peace and a peaceful existence when you get right down to it. And if you want to experience that 'peace' in your own existence, all you have to do is close your eyes and feel God. Remember how it felt to sit by a body of water with your dog and just enjoy your surroundings or watching the sunrise or sunset....or remember lying on the ground when you were young and gazing up at the stars in the sky? Or have you ever been in a small boat on a lake and just completely relaxed while feeling nature all around you? That was God.
If you concentrate, you can even remember smells. Like the smell of rain and wet grass.... or the laundry that was dried outside on a clothesline (that memory may just be for us of the older generation and it was great!)......or the smell of the first day of school each year with the aroma of paste, paper and chalk dust. Or watching the snow fall as it makes fluffy blankets on the ground and the smell of the crispness in the air. Or the aroma of fresh baked cookies your mother just made as you come home from school? Remember playing in the puddles after a storm and not worrying about getting wet?! For real warm and fuzzy feelings, remember the first time you held your newborn baby and the overwhelming emotion that came over you as you realized what a miracle just happened. That was God.
If you want to experience pure joy in the present, just watch your grandchildren as they are amazed by learning something new. Allow the juice of a ripe peach or tomato to run down your chin while you savor each bite. Watch the logs on a fire do a dance for you as they flicker on the hearth. Look at your spouse and be grateful they are with you each day to share your life with you. Sit on the sand and watch the ocean waves somehow stop just short of you. Be thankful for the knowledge that all you have to do to find God is to look for Him in all of these things.
So, little boy or little girl....or big boy and big girl....you CAN have what you want. Just think about it.....Treasure and remember the memories of your past and look forward to making new ones in your future but most of all......enjoy the present moment.....Goms heard someone say recently...."The present moment is the only moment that never ends." God Bless......Hugs and Mush, Gommy
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Gommy's Sunday School
Hello boys and girls.....it is Sunday once again and Goms seems to seek more spiritual subjects to blog about on any given Sunday. Today, Goms was thinking about the phrase, "God won't give us more than we can handle." But, Goms sees plenty of people, on a day-to-day basis, who seem to be experiencing more than they can handle. There are the alcoholic or drug dependent people who have exhausted all of their 'choices' and are homeless, or the single mother trying to keep all the balls up in the air for her children, or the cancer patient who is in constant pain, the couples who have divorced and are only thinking of their revenge and not how it is affecting their children......there are many more that could come to mind, but Goms thinks these will suffice as examples of people who are given more than they can handle.
Then there is the other phrase, for the more materialistic religious people....."God helps those who help themselves." Does this mean God is only rooting for the affluent? Goms thinks not. Those of us with children know that if one of our children is doing great and another is struggling....we love them both the same and we aren't rooting only for the one that is doing well and ignoring the struggling one.
So, this brings Gom to thinking that we really still must not 'get' it when it comes to what God does and doesn't do with all of His children. God loves all of his children.....black, white, tall, short, skinny, fat, Christian, Muslim, Jew, Buddhist, rich, poor......and on and on. As to the what we have or have not accomplished in or with or own particular lives....we should leave God out of the equation. We must realize that we are all PERSONALLY responsible for the choices we have made. God allows us to live our lives as we see fit. Remember......'free will'?
The reason some of us can't 'see' God is that we think of Him as being invisible. We should, instead, SEE God in everything all around us. He is in every flower, every blade of grass, every child, baby, rainbow, raindrop......all we have to do is look with our hearts if we really want to 'see' God. He is everywhere......
So, we should begin to solve the mystery of life by examining our lives without the preconceived ideas we have gathered thus far. Look all around you for the Blessings you have been given. Life comes at and to us from all angles and the way we respond and react is what the final outcome of our lives will be. It is what YOU make it. Find your Dharma (passion for what you enjoy).....be grateful for your many gifts, take the time to notice all the beauty all around you every day, savor the times you spend with your family while you still have them with you......
If you ask the right questions about what makes you tick......life will unfold the way it is intended. A great guru once said that if you cannot see God, begin to intensely admire all that He has given you with His creations and He will come out of hiding to meet you. Have a great week everyone......Hugs, Gommy
Then there is the other phrase, for the more materialistic religious people....."God helps those who help themselves." Does this mean God is only rooting for the affluent? Goms thinks not. Those of us with children know that if one of our children is doing great and another is struggling....we love them both the same and we aren't rooting only for the one that is doing well and ignoring the struggling one.
So, this brings Gom to thinking that we really still must not 'get' it when it comes to what God does and doesn't do with all of His children. God loves all of his children.....black, white, tall, short, skinny, fat, Christian, Muslim, Jew, Buddhist, rich, poor......and on and on. As to the what we have or have not accomplished in or with or own particular lives....we should leave God out of the equation. We must realize that we are all PERSONALLY responsible for the choices we have made. God allows us to live our lives as we see fit. Remember......'free will'?
The reason some of us can't 'see' God is that we think of Him as being invisible. We should, instead, SEE God in everything all around us. He is in every flower, every blade of grass, every child, baby, rainbow, raindrop......all we have to do is look with our hearts if we really want to 'see' God. He is everywhere......
So, we should begin to solve the mystery of life by examining our lives without the preconceived ideas we have gathered thus far. Look all around you for the Blessings you have been given. Life comes at and to us from all angles and the way we respond and react is what the final outcome of our lives will be. It is what YOU make it. Find your Dharma (passion for what you enjoy).....be grateful for your many gifts, take the time to notice all the beauty all around you every day, savor the times you spend with your family while you still have them with you......
If you ask the right questions about what makes you tick......life will unfold the way it is intended. A great guru once said that if you cannot see God, begin to intensely admire all that He has given you with His creations and He will come out of hiding to meet you. Have a great week everyone......Hugs, Gommy
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Vicarious-ness
Here we are and it is already 'hump-day'.....you know, Wednesday. It won't be long now until Santa Claus arrives at the homes of all of the 'believers' and good little boys and girls (and a few big boys and girls). You better watch out, you better not pout, you better not lie.... Goms is telling you why.......but you already know the ending don't you???
Goms was just at the beach....I know---how lucky is Goms???....but while I was basking in the sun and enjoying the beach sounds and watching everyone else enjoying their beach day too.....it got Goms to thinking that I was enjoying their time together vicariously.....The definition of 'vicarious' is; a) indirectly, in, by or through a substitute, b) felt or undergone as if one were taking part in the experience or feelings of another, i.e. 'she enjoyed the wedding vicariously'.
But Goms thinks we all live parts of our lives all the time vicariously. And not just enjoying things through other people's lives. We can also live our past vicariously through our own eyes by observing our children's lives. We remember each scenario and stage as our children go through them with their own children. And when our children do have children, we almost enjoy it more than our own experience because we have the luxury of seeing how important each step and phase is and how fleeting the good times swept by us when we were raising our children. And we were so caught up in the day to day responsibilites that we didn't enjoy it as much as we should have. We can now deliberately slow down and savor each moment we spend with our children and their children. We can see our children doing the same things sometimes and making the same mistakes we made.....but it is best to just 'zip' it and let them realize it on their own and in their own timeframe, the same way we have.
We can live vicariously by watching a TV series with the same people in them each week, that we can almost feel they are a part of our lives. We live vicariously each time we 'see how the other half lives' on the numerous reality shows that are so popular now. We see the rappers 'crib' with all the lavish bells and whistles.....we see the 'housewives of this town or that city' and how they spend their time and money, we see how werewolves and vampires and English boys with horned-rimmed glasses live in their parts of the world. That is all vicarious-ness.
When and if we are lucky enough to mature spiritually and become 'conscious' of our surroundings and how everything and everyone affects everyone and everything else, we have finally begun to see the forest THROUGH the trees. And when that does happen...there is no turning back. You just become more 'conscious' every day and it is so wonderful that you feel you have this great big secret that no one else can touch. I think they call that 'enlightenment' or spiritual awakening, or awareness and understanding. Whatever it is.....it is the BEST!!!
But it is so much easier to see the faults and mistakes other people make than the ones we make ourselves. What does the Bible say about that in Matthew 7:3? ......"Why do you look at the speck of dust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?" Because it is easy to see the faults and mistakes other people make because we have probably already made them and we know what is coming. And the mistakes we are now making, haven't been proven to us to be wrong as yet. No one can tell you that you are about to make a mistake because we only learn from actually making the mistake ourselves. When someone else is having a hard time, you feel sympathy for them but when you have already made the same mistake and been through the hard time.....then you feel empathy for them.
So Goms advice for everyone today is to live and let live. No one is going to listen to you anyway if you try to give them a 'heads-up'. The temptation to do something that they think will be so wonderful will overrule anything someone else is trying to keep them from doing. Or if they are just being stubborn about something and you can see where it is leading.....leave them be and let them discover how it affects them and everyone else later. Just hope that no one gets hurt too much along the way and that they will eventually become 'conscious' of how they are affecting the people around them by their behavior. Remember that the definition of selfishness is....."not living as one wishes to live.....it is asking others to live as one wishes to live."
In the end, it turns out that 'we' are the only ones in charge of our lives and 'we' are ultimately the only ones who will reap the rewards, or rue the day, or suffer the consequences of the choices that we did make in every scenario of our time here on the planet. So choose wisely friends and boys and girls. It's your own life and your future that you are shaping here. Hope it turns out like you hoped and you thought it would. Hugs and Mush - Gommy ((*>*))
Goms was just at the beach....I know---how lucky is Goms???....but while I was basking in the sun and enjoying the beach sounds and watching everyone else enjoying their beach day too.....it got Goms to thinking that I was enjoying their time together vicariously.....The definition of 'vicarious' is; a) indirectly, in, by or through a substitute, b) felt or undergone as if one were taking part in the experience or feelings of another, i.e. 'she enjoyed the wedding vicariously'.
But Goms thinks we all live parts of our lives all the time vicariously. And not just enjoying things through other people's lives. We can also live our past vicariously through our own eyes by observing our children's lives. We remember each scenario and stage as our children go through them with their own children. And when our children do have children, we almost enjoy it more than our own experience because we have the luxury of seeing how important each step and phase is and how fleeting the good times swept by us when we were raising our children. And we were so caught up in the day to day responsibilites that we didn't enjoy it as much as we should have. We can now deliberately slow down and savor each moment we spend with our children and their children. We can see our children doing the same things sometimes and making the same mistakes we made.....but it is best to just 'zip' it and let them realize it on their own and in their own timeframe, the same way we have.
We can live vicariously by watching a TV series with the same people in them each week, that we can almost feel they are a part of our lives. We live vicariously each time we 'see how the other half lives' on the numerous reality shows that are so popular now. We see the rappers 'crib' with all the lavish bells and whistles.....we see the 'housewives of this town or that city' and how they spend their time and money, we see how werewolves and vampires and English boys with horned-rimmed glasses live in their parts of the world. That is all vicarious-ness.
When and if we are lucky enough to mature spiritually and become 'conscious' of our surroundings and how everything and everyone affects everyone and everything else, we have finally begun to see the forest THROUGH the trees. And when that does happen...there is no turning back. You just become more 'conscious' every day and it is so wonderful that you feel you have this great big secret that no one else can touch. I think they call that 'enlightenment' or spiritual awakening, or awareness and understanding. Whatever it is.....it is the BEST!!!
But it is so much easier to see the faults and mistakes other people make than the ones we make ourselves. What does the Bible say about that in Matthew 7:3? ......"Why do you look at the speck of dust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?" Because it is easy to see the faults and mistakes other people make because we have probably already made them and we know what is coming. And the mistakes we are now making, haven't been proven to us to be wrong as yet. No one can tell you that you are about to make a mistake because we only learn from actually making the mistake ourselves. When someone else is having a hard time, you feel sympathy for them but when you have already made the same mistake and been through the hard time.....then you feel empathy for them.
So Goms advice for everyone today is to live and let live. No one is going to listen to you anyway if you try to give them a 'heads-up'. The temptation to do something that they think will be so wonderful will overrule anything someone else is trying to keep them from doing. Or if they are just being stubborn about something and you can see where it is leading.....leave them be and let them discover how it affects them and everyone else later. Just hope that no one gets hurt too much along the way and that they will eventually become 'conscious' of how they are affecting the people around them by their behavior. Remember that the definition of selfishness is....."not living as one wishes to live.....it is asking others to live as one wishes to live."
In the end, it turns out that 'we' are the only ones in charge of our lives and 'we' are ultimately the only ones who will reap the rewards, or rue the day, or suffer the consequences of the choices that we did make in every scenario of our time here on the planet. So choose wisely friends and boys and girls. It's your own life and your future that you are shaping here. Hope it turns out like you hoped and you thought it would. Hugs and Mush - Gommy ((*>*))
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Grace
Good morning all. This Sunday, Gommy was thinking about 'grace'. Grace can mean; a sanctification by God, a prayer said before a meal, the style with which we display ourselves, elegance and beauty of movement or expression...... or the victor's 'grace' in treating the vanquished. This is an example of showing a disposition to kindness and compassion.
The reason Goms started thinking about 'grace' is that the almighty football team of the University of Florida lost a heartbreaking and very important game last night. Now, anyone who knows Grandpa Mike, knows he is a die-hard Gator fan and he talks the talk about the team any time he gets the chance. And people from all over the country called Grandpa last night to 'needle' him about the loss. But what Goms was seeing was 'grace' being displayed by Grandpa just by the virtue of his admission that the other team was the victor last night and that arguing the point was moot. Being a good loser is not the usual way most people react to the reality of losing. They sometimes blame x,y,or z or they call 'foul' on the other side or on the referees or they become nasty and are mean inwardly and outwardly.....some even turn against the very team they have adored all year! But not Grandpa....Gommy heard Grandpa Mike repeatedly say to the callers, "Yup...they just got whooped. Alabama was the better team last night." That is grace folks....
That got Gommy to thinking about how we could all be a bit more graceful in our everyday lives. When someone comes into your workplace and is angry......treating them with grace diffuses the animosity immediately. Now, Goms isn't saying they will suddenly turn into a pussy-cat....but the atmosphere takes on a different energy when you don't become the 'wall' to their abuse. Let it go right through you as if you were transparent and be as nice as you can muster.....believe Goms......it works.
The same holds true in any personal relationship. We're talking about any interaction occurring between a parent to a child, to a romantic or casual association, with friend-to-friend episodes, in-law to in-laws or just everyday social involvements. If there is a disruptive personality involved in your life, arguing and becoming 'like' that person just escalates the situation. Each confrontation can be diffused by allowing the other person to spout off while you stay calm and collected. It eventually reveals to the 'screamer' that they are the whack-a-doodles. But beware....sometimes that makes the whack-a-doodle just go nuttier because they have 'exposed' their crazy side and they don't know what to do with that part of them, now that it is out. But if you remain calm, they will return to their sanity in time. Just keep an eye out for any heavy objects that may be flung in your direction....
So, everyone out there in blogland that is a Gator fan......be graceful when you get back to work tomorrow and some not-so-graceful person just wants to get in your face and rub it in about your team losing......remember to stay calm and say, "Yup......they just got whooped by the better team last night." It works....I promise.
Goms hopes everyone has a 'graceful' week and tries out being 'graceful' for themselves and everyone around them......it actually works in every area of your lives. Hugs and mush, Gommy
The reason Goms started thinking about 'grace' is that the almighty football team of the University of Florida lost a heartbreaking and very important game last night. Now, anyone who knows Grandpa Mike, knows he is a die-hard Gator fan and he talks the talk about the team any time he gets the chance. And people from all over the country called Grandpa last night to 'needle' him about the loss. But what Goms was seeing was 'grace' being displayed by Grandpa just by the virtue of his admission that the other team was the victor last night and that arguing the point was moot. Being a good loser is not the usual way most people react to the reality of losing. They sometimes blame x,y,or z or they call 'foul' on the other side or on the referees or they become nasty and are mean inwardly and outwardly.....some even turn against the very team they have adored all year! But not Grandpa....Gommy heard Grandpa Mike repeatedly say to the callers, "Yup...they just got whooped. Alabama was the better team last night." That is grace folks....
That got Gommy to thinking about how we could all be a bit more graceful in our everyday lives. When someone comes into your workplace and is angry......treating them with grace diffuses the animosity immediately. Now, Goms isn't saying they will suddenly turn into a pussy-cat....but the atmosphere takes on a different energy when you don't become the 'wall' to their abuse. Let it go right through you as if you were transparent and be as nice as you can muster.....believe Goms......it works.
The same holds true in any personal relationship. We're talking about any interaction occurring between a parent to a child, to a romantic or casual association, with friend-to-friend episodes, in-law to in-laws or just everyday social involvements. If there is a disruptive personality involved in your life, arguing and becoming 'like' that person just escalates the situation. Each confrontation can be diffused by allowing the other person to spout off while you stay calm and collected. It eventually reveals to the 'screamer' that they are the whack-a-doodles. But beware....sometimes that makes the whack-a-doodle just go nuttier because they have 'exposed' their crazy side and they don't know what to do with that part of them, now that it is out. But if you remain calm, they will return to their sanity in time. Just keep an eye out for any heavy objects that may be flung in your direction....
So, everyone out there in blogland that is a Gator fan......be graceful when you get back to work tomorrow and some not-so-graceful person just wants to get in your face and rub it in about your team losing......remember to stay calm and say, "Yup......they just got whooped by the better team last night." It works....I promise.
Goms hopes everyone has a 'graceful' week and tries out being 'graceful' for themselves and everyone around them......it actually works in every area of your lives. Hugs and mush, Gommy
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Are You 'User Friendly'????
Good Sunday all.........Gommy must be some sort of 'thought magnet' because terms, words, phrases and terminology frequently pop out for Goms and that starts the old brain to ponder. This morning, the terminology 'User-Friendly' popped out for Goms. The definition of user -friendly is as follows; 1) the ease with which people can employ a certain tool or other human- made objects in order to obtain a certain goal, and 2) the study of the principles behind an object's perceived efficiency or elegance.
Gommy read the definition and immediately translated the first definition to mean, 'humans making humans'.... (as in our offspring being human-made) and the second definition to mean humans in general being 'the perceived efficiency or elegance' of those human-made offspring.
Parenting is a 'crap-roll' for some and a very thoughtful plan for others. Those parents that just roll the dice with their parenting and let the 'chips fall where they may', often end up with a messed-up child with a messed-up childhood. Those parents who plan the births of their children and give much thought to raising good citizens with good self-esteem, usually end up with a well adjusted child (and one who has attained elegance), who can navigate the world that is waiting for them.
Goms then started to wonder how many of us are really 'user-friendly' in our every day lives. Are we easy to get along with? Do we say what we mean and keep our word when we give it so we can be 'read' the way we intended? Are we generous in our hearts? Do we feel for those who have less than us? Are we kind to those who we come in contact with?
Then Goms thought, how 'user-friendly' are we with the gifts we are given, such as our very lives, or our ability to use the knowledge we are given, or how generous we are with those who don't have as much as we do? Then Bill and Melinda Gates came to mind. When we think of generous people, the Gates' pop out in a big way. They are the richest people in the USA and their philanthropy is HUGE. They 'get it' that they should give back for all they have been given. You hear people say all the time, "Why should we help x, y or z......they aren't my responsibility?" But the Gates' surely and thankfully don't think that way. They could just sit back and enjoy all their billions of dollars and not worry for a minute about the rest of us, but they don't. They give, give, give all the time to charities in our country and to developing countries who need medical treatment and for vaccines for third world countries so they aren't dying by the thousands because they don't have the knowledge to save their lives or the lives of their children.
The pastor and author Rick Warren, who wrote "The Purpose Driven Life", says that you can give without loving but you cannot love without giving. The words 'miser' and 'misery' come from the same root word. Think about it......
In the generosity area of our lives, it isn't so much the amount we give as the regularity with which we give. Everyone seems to be generous during the holidays....but that is 'impulse generosity'. Real generosity is when we give on a regular basis and not just when there is an urgent need. It would be a good thing if we all could become 'habitual givers'..... We also must remember that we cannot choose who we are good to or decide who should be the beneficiaries of 'goodness'. If we are truly good Christians.....shouldn't we then love ALL people? Remember....hate is not a family value. Most of us have much more than we could ever use and if that is so, it is 'expected' of us to do more than those who 'have not'. If you are a Bible reader, look up Luke 12:48 and see that is reads; "For unto whomsoever much is given, much will be required." What that means is that the more we are given, be it knowledge or gifts, the more useful we should be in the world. So, in proportion to what has been entrusted to us, the greater improvements of those gifts is expected from us. If you need another reference, look up Deuteronomy 15:7 - it reads, "If there is a poor man with you, one of your brothers, in any of your towns in your land which the LORD your God is giving you, you shall not harden your heart, nor close your hand from your poor brother." That thought process should work even if anyone is not a Christian. Goms always says that no matter what your belief, if we could all just be 'Christ-like' in how we live our lives.....we would all be the better for it.
So, here's to beginning the week with charity in our hearts and begin to elegantly be more 'user-friendly' in how we are with our fellow human beings. Let's begin to explore our broader value as human beings and stop demonizing our differences. We can be so much more than we are. It's worth the attempt....Have a great week boys and girls.....and thank you God for all your Blessings. Hugs & Mush, Gommy
Gommy read the definition and immediately translated the first definition to mean, 'humans making humans'.... (as in our offspring being human-made) and the second definition to mean humans in general being 'the perceived efficiency or elegance' of those human-made offspring.
Parenting is a 'crap-roll' for some and a very thoughtful plan for others. Those parents that just roll the dice with their parenting and let the 'chips fall where they may', often end up with a messed-up child with a messed-up childhood. Those parents who plan the births of their children and give much thought to raising good citizens with good self-esteem, usually end up with a well adjusted child (and one who has attained elegance), who can navigate the world that is waiting for them.
Goms then started to wonder how many of us are really 'user-friendly' in our every day lives. Are we easy to get along with? Do we say what we mean and keep our word when we give it so we can be 'read' the way we intended? Are we generous in our hearts? Do we feel for those who have less than us? Are we kind to those who we come in contact with?
Then Goms thought, how 'user-friendly' are we with the gifts we are given, such as our very lives, or our ability to use the knowledge we are given, or how generous we are with those who don't have as much as we do? Then Bill and Melinda Gates came to mind. When we think of generous people, the Gates' pop out in a big way. They are the richest people in the USA and their philanthropy is HUGE. They 'get it' that they should give back for all they have been given. You hear people say all the time, "Why should we help x, y or z......they aren't my responsibility?" But the Gates' surely and thankfully don't think that way. They could just sit back and enjoy all their billions of dollars and not worry for a minute about the rest of us, but they don't. They give, give, give all the time to charities in our country and to developing countries who need medical treatment and for vaccines for third world countries so they aren't dying by the thousands because they don't have the knowledge to save their lives or the lives of their children.
The pastor and author Rick Warren, who wrote "The Purpose Driven Life", says that you can give without loving but you cannot love without giving. The words 'miser' and 'misery' come from the same root word. Think about it......
In the generosity area of our lives, it isn't so much the amount we give as the regularity with which we give. Everyone seems to be generous during the holidays....but that is 'impulse generosity'. Real generosity is when we give on a regular basis and not just when there is an urgent need. It would be a good thing if we all could become 'habitual givers'..... We also must remember that we cannot choose who we are good to or decide who should be the beneficiaries of 'goodness'. If we are truly good Christians.....shouldn't we then love ALL people? Remember....hate is not a family value. Most of us have much more than we could ever use and if that is so, it is 'expected' of us to do more than those who 'have not'. If you are a Bible reader, look up Luke 12:48 and see that is reads; "For unto whomsoever much is given, much will be required." What that means is that the more we are given, be it knowledge or gifts, the more useful we should be in the world. So, in proportion to what has been entrusted to us, the greater improvements of those gifts is expected from us. If you need another reference, look up Deuteronomy 15:7 - it reads, "If there is a poor man with you, one of your brothers, in any of your towns in your land which the LORD your God is giving you, you shall not harden your heart, nor close your hand from your poor brother." That thought process should work even if anyone is not a Christian. Goms always says that no matter what your belief, if we could all just be 'Christ-like' in how we live our lives.....we would all be the better for it.
So, here's to beginning the week with charity in our hearts and begin to elegantly be more 'user-friendly' in how we are with our fellow human beings. Let's begin to explore our broader value as human beings and stop demonizing our differences. We can be so much more than we are. It's worth the attempt....Have a great week boys and girls.....and thank you God for all your Blessings. Hugs & Mush, Gommy
Saturday, November 28, 2009
'Let it Go, Let it Go, Let it Go...'
Goms title is a little play on the Christmas song, "Let it Snow'...(just in case you didn't get the irony). We have just enjoyed our Thanksgiving Day festivities and Goms was wondering how everyone in families all across the country did with the yearly get-together this time. Each year we hear of wonderful times spent with friends and family but we also hear dreadful stories of 'times gone bad' at these annual functions. They even make movies about the 'dysfunctional family' holiday fiasco's!
Goms hopes all went well but in case it didn't, Goms will give a few things to think about before the next biggie holiday approaches.....Christmas.....for some, Chanukah for some and Kwanza for others. It seems that childhood baggage is usually the culprit when it comes to the hostilities that ensue and disrupt what was supposed to be a beautiful time together. Either brother Jim still resents brother Bob for being the 'favorite', or sister Sue still can't get over sister Mary having to always be right. Or Mom still has to tell us what we should be doing or what we have done wrong with the kids, (in her estimation anyway.) Dad was probably his usual non-committal self who just wanted to eat and then watch football.
On the 'rightness' issue, it turns out that some people just 'have' to be right, no matter what.... there just isn't any 'in between' with them. Those people are the 'black OR white' folks. For the other people on the opposite side of the discussion, who have those same issues.....it isn't so pleasant to be in the middle of the 'this ain't going anywhere' argument.
Some people don't seem to have a problem with agreeing to disagree because they can clearly live with a gray area. Everyone has their own 'set-point' of emotions, be it; anxiety, neatness, moodiness, etc. That is the 'biology' of being right. On the 'psychology' side of the coin is the reality that when you just can't be wrong and you have to defend your 'rightness' to the end.....it is actually your self-esteem that you are defending and a realization that you want 'control' over yourself and your emotions. We 'become' controlling from experiences in our childhood. Were our parents always fighting? Did you feel they were going to break up and you didn't know what to do with that emotion? Did Mom or Dad really love Susie more than me? Was I pretty or handsome enough? If you didn't like your 'world' at that developmental stage, you started trying to 'control' or change the outcome for yourself so you could be comfortable 'with' that emotion.
Goms thinks the people who didn't have many struggles as a child seem to do better with being okay with not being 'right' all the time. If you were an only child, at least you didn't have the sibling rivalry to contend with. But, you could face some new challenge later in life that you weren't prepared for that forces you to become controlling. Like, say a husband that is controlling and since you aren't used to 'sharing'....you start to control your surroundings with being a clean freak or some other malady. But, sooner or later, you are going to 'blowwwww' if you just keep everything inside.
But the good news is that you don't have to stay in either role forever. You don't have to be the one that is always giving in or the one that is being the 'relationship bully'. If you are the bully, you should ask yourself......"how is this working out for me?" If you have any INsight....you may just want to temper your bulliness before you push everyone away. Do you want to be right all the time or do you want to be happy? Conversely, if you are the 'Doris-Doormat', you may want to speak up about how you don't appreciate having to give in to every issue that comes up.
Now, if you are in a 'fix my self-mode' sort of mind-frame....you can start using your 'filter' when issues come up (and they will come up) and you can refrain from immediately jumping in to 'prove' you are right. Even old dogs can learn new tricks if we really WANT to. And it won't be easy if you are the Doris Doormat to be heard at first either. People have been conditioned to seeing you as not 'having' and opinion. You will probably have to think of ways to interject what you are feeling that don't make the bully act in a reflexive and defensive way. You could suggest rephrasing the statement your partner (or relative) said because you didn't understand what they said or maybe say something like, "I don't think we are talking about the same thing. Maybe we aren't hearing what either of us is really saying."
When we can begin to realize that the reaction we receive from someone is really part 'their' emotional stuff and part 'our' emotional stuff and that we are just reliving the trauma that we never learned how to compartmentalize.....we will be all the better for understanding where everyone (including ourselves) is coming from!!!!!
So there, maybe this will help to make the Christmas or Chaunakah or Kwanza or any other faith get togethers a little less stressful for those that dread the annual festivities with family. For everyone else who does enjoy the holidays......BRING IT ON!!!! Let the fun begin......It really is much more pleasant to enjoy the time together and not just wish we could. Hugs and Mush, Gommy ((*.*))
Goms hopes all went well but in case it didn't, Goms will give a few things to think about before the next biggie holiday approaches.....Christmas.....for some, Chanukah for some and Kwanza for others. It seems that childhood baggage is usually the culprit when it comes to the hostilities that ensue and disrupt what was supposed to be a beautiful time together. Either brother Jim still resents brother Bob for being the 'favorite', or sister Sue still can't get over sister Mary having to always be right. Or Mom still has to tell us what we should be doing or what we have done wrong with the kids, (in her estimation anyway.) Dad was probably his usual non-committal self who just wanted to eat and then watch football.
On the 'rightness' issue, it turns out that some people just 'have' to be right, no matter what.... there just isn't any 'in between' with them. Those people are the 'black OR white' folks. For the other people on the opposite side of the discussion, who have those same issues.....it isn't so pleasant to be in the middle of the 'this ain't going anywhere' argument.
Some people don't seem to have a problem with agreeing to disagree because they can clearly live with a gray area. Everyone has their own 'set-point' of emotions, be it; anxiety, neatness, moodiness, etc. That is the 'biology' of being right. On the 'psychology' side of the coin is the reality that when you just can't be wrong and you have to defend your 'rightness' to the end.....it is actually your self-esteem that you are defending and a realization that you want 'control' over yourself and your emotions. We 'become' controlling from experiences in our childhood. Were our parents always fighting? Did you feel they were going to break up and you didn't know what to do with that emotion? Did Mom or Dad really love Susie more than me? Was I pretty or handsome enough? If you didn't like your 'world' at that developmental stage, you started trying to 'control' or change the outcome for yourself so you could be comfortable 'with' that emotion.
Goms thinks the people who didn't have many struggles as a child seem to do better with being okay with not being 'right' all the time. If you were an only child, at least you didn't have the sibling rivalry to contend with. But, you could face some new challenge later in life that you weren't prepared for that forces you to become controlling. Like, say a husband that is controlling and since you aren't used to 'sharing'....you start to control your surroundings with being a clean freak or some other malady. But, sooner or later, you are going to 'blowwwww' if you just keep everything inside.
But the good news is that you don't have to stay in either role forever. You don't have to be the one that is always giving in or the one that is being the 'relationship bully'. If you are the bully, you should ask yourself......"how is this working out for me?" If you have any INsight....you may just want to temper your bulliness before you push everyone away. Do you want to be right all the time or do you want to be happy? Conversely, if you are the 'Doris-Doormat', you may want to speak up about how you don't appreciate having to give in to every issue that comes up.
Now, if you are in a 'fix my self-mode' sort of mind-frame....you can start using your 'filter' when issues come up (and they will come up) and you can refrain from immediately jumping in to 'prove' you are right. Even old dogs can learn new tricks if we really WANT to. And it won't be easy if you are the Doris Doormat to be heard at first either. People have been conditioned to seeing you as not 'having' and opinion. You will probably have to think of ways to interject what you are feeling that don't make the bully act in a reflexive and defensive way. You could suggest rephrasing the statement your partner (or relative) said because you didn't understand what they said or maybe say something like, "I don't think we are talking about the same thing. Maybe we aren't hearing what either of us is really saying."
When we can begin to realize that the reaction we receive from someone is really part 'their' emotional stuff and part 'our' emotional stuff and that we are just reliving the trauma that we never learned how to compartmentalize.....we will be all the better for understanding where everyone (including ourselves) is coming from!!!!!
So there, maybe this will help to make the Christmas or Chaunakah or Kwanza or any other faith get togethers a little less stressful for those that dread the annual festivities with family. For everyone else who does enjoy the holidays......BRING IT ON!!!! Let the fun begin......It really is much more pleasant to enjoy the time together and not just wish we could. Hugs and Mush, Gommy ((*.*))
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