Tethered?

Gommy went to the beach today and it was the most beautiful, calm, peaceful, clear, gorgeous beach day in memory.....ahhhhhhhhh that's what I'm talkin' about! Anywho.....on the walk to the beach, (did Gommy mention the beach is within walking distance from home???), there was a man on in-line skates and his son, also on in-line skates, and they were just enjoying their skating down the road, within view of the beach. But the thing that Goms to thinking about TETHERING is that the Dad was holding a broom-like pole and the son was holding onto the other end. They were tethered together. It seemed like a great idea. The Dad could go along at his speed and not worry that the son would not be able to keep up with him. And the son could skate along for as long as he wanted and just 'coast' when he got tired.

Then that mental image got Goms to thinking about other types of tethering....like to your mommy (especially not so good if you are grown), or to your job, or your past.....you know - stuff you may not want nor need to be tethered to any longer.

For instance, if you are holding onto your past and it wasn't exactly 'all that' great....you should try to UN-tether yourself from dwelling on hurtful memories. Or if you can't 'cut the apron strings' with your parents and grow up, that is also a time to get out the old scissors (metaphorically speaking) and withdraw from mommy and daddy's approval (as long as they aren't providing you with any monetary help that is) and be on your own. If you are so tethered to your job that you can't enjoy your life or family....yup....getting UN-tether is the suggestion here. Get the concept yet?

And if you are holding a grudge against someone or a group of 'someones', you may need the help of some waaaaaay smarter people than Goms...........so Goms looked up some quotes from some of those waaaaay smarter people and here they are:
Ralph Waldo Emerson - 'Every sweet has its sour; every evil its good.' Dolores Huerta -
'If you haven't forgiven yourself for something, how can you forgive others.' Lawana Blackwell -' The hatred you carry in your heart is far more damaging to you that to them.' Mahatma Gandhi - 'The weak can never forgive because forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.' Oscar Wilde -'Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much!' Real Live Preacher -'Forgiveness does not always lead to a healed relationship. Some people are not capable of love, and it might be wise to let them
go along with your anger. Wish them well, and let them go on their way.'

AND FOR THE LAST QUOTE OF THE DAY:

Dr. David M. Burns -'Assert your right to make a few mistakes. If people can't accept your imperfections, that's their fault.'

And finally..............if you just can't forgive and forget.......there is another really wise saying you should remember......'Let sleeping dogs lie'. What that means is that you don't know what sort of reaction you are going to get from a dog that is lying on the ground asleep and minding his own business. You get what you deserve if you provoke him. Have a nice day......Hugs, Gommy

Atonement

Isn't it funny how stories change over time? You know the 'grandmother' game......first a phrase is written down so no one can say later on, "No, that isn't what it (the written phrase) said!"......then you start off in a circle and whisper the phrase you were given in the ear of the person on your left....that person whispers what they 'heard' to the next person and on and on until the last person has to say what the phrase is.....guess what???? It is NEVER exactly how the phrase started out.

We as humans, have the habit of remembering how we want to remember things, instead of how they really were. Mostly because we bring our own emotional baggage into the equation. For instance, if someone says something about you and it is so very far from the truth......it will never bother you. If, on the other hand, it is a flaw that you recognize in yourself.....it will bug you to pieces. I guess that is where the phrase, "The truth hurts" comes from. And when someone tells you they have forgotten something that happened in the past, but they are obviously hanging onto it for dear life....that is usually because you have come too close to a trait that the person dislikes about themselves or has tried to overcome and is insulted that you 'went there' and they feel uncomfortable about reliving it....Or someone may call you a 'fake' and if you know you are not a 'fake' it will not bother you. But if you know deep down that you are a fake and someone is getting close to uncovering that truth about you.....it hurts your feelings. If we dig deep enough and are truthful enough with ourselves....the truth usually comes out.

My daughter taught me something she learned in college while she was studying psychology.....the teacher said if someone said you have green hair....how would you feel? It wouldn't bother you, would it? Because you KNOW you don't have green hair. If someone says you gave your child up (even though it was the right thing to do at the time) you would have that pang in your gut because you 'feel' you should have kept the child with you no matter what. But don't blame the person who DID take care of the child because you feel guilty. Instead be happy the child was taken care of by someone who obviously loved them very much, while you had to do your own thing at the time.....It is easy to 'blame' others for making you feel a certain way.....but the reality is that you are in charge of how you process what other people say to you in a hurtful way. If it really, really, really bothers you...there is probably some shred of the truth in what they said. If you say you have forgotten it and put it behind you.....but keep it alive and nurture it with hateful thoughts.....it is still there, isn't it? And if you spout off hurtful things back at the person.....are you really any different than what you were so upset with the person for in the first place?

The reason Gommy is talking about all this is that I have had to work on myself quite a bit over my many years. I have made mistakes over the years and there have been times of wishing things didn't happen a certain way. But we are human and we do make mistakes. But if you learn from your mistakes and grow from them and truly try to do better, then all was not lost. Sadly 20/20 vision works only for our past, not our present or future in how we should have or will have handled certain things in our lives. But if you truly want to make yourself a better person....only you have that ability. If others don't see that you have tried to make amends....then it is that person who needs to start working on their 'stuff'.

Today is the "Day of Atonement" for the Jews. This is the holiest day of the year because it gives everyone a clean slate. Gommy thinks it is a good idea for all of us to implement. Atonement means that there is a chance to start all over again. But doing it right this time....but you must truly be sorry (atone) for your mistakes or sins..... BUT....with the knowledge that you cannot just do things the same old way or the deal is off. If you have hurt someone....you atone (feel sorry) for the way you acted. If you sinned.....you atone for that behavior....etc., etc.

So Gommy says......if you truly want a peaceful life, you will not succumb to any sort of drama i.e. suffering, quarreling, violence, grudges or any unkind behavior. You will realize that there are ALWAYS three sides to every story before you take sides (which is never a good idea either).......the two people involved and then the TRUTH. If you can be honest with yourself......really honest......you will start with your own behavior and work out from there. There is no reward in not facing our own faults and frailties. So man-up or lady-up and put on your big girl or boy panties and deal with whatever it is that is haunting you. Don't blame someone else for bringing it up. If it isn't anywhere near the truth.....it won't bother you.

If you feel someone can't get over something from the past and it causes drama in your life.....just stay away from that person. There is no plus in trying to foster a relationship with someone who dislikes you. There is no place for phoniness to ever make a relationship work. It will only cause you more frustration and sadness and no one wants that in their life. Put out what you want to come back in your life and if you know in your heart that you have grown as a person and have tried to make amends....you will be at peace. We must all deal with the Karma that we put out there....Gommy is truly trying to atone for any unkind or mean things from my past and it is very freeing......so try it......it REALLY feels good to expunge toxic feelings from your life. It takes 'moral reckoning' to a new level!!!!

There was a time that Gommy held grudges and just couldn't find it in her heart to forgive someone for things. But in reality it was only making Gommy sick.....the person you are mad at is going along their merry way and the 'grudge-holder' (just made that up) is the miserable one.....So atone, atone, atone.....it really does make you feel GREAT!!! If God can forgive you.......well, that is all that really matters now doesn't it? Now, be happy all you boys and girls out there.....Gommy is going to get ready to go to lunch with a very dear friend today and I intend to enjoy and be grateful for this day that was given to her as a gift and atone for any mis-steps I may have taken along my life's path!!! ((*.*))

Guru or not Guru

Hi boys and girls....Gommy is feeling deep today. It is my day off and I awoke with a feeling of joy and happiness about life in general and wondered why some people are happy and some people are sad. Then Gommy looked up her favorite GURU on YouTube to listen to his teachings and thought how many people may not have had the opportunity or even the inclination to discover what 'makes them tick'. It is strange, but most people go through their whole lives in a state of being 'un-conscious'....meaning they just go through life, doing the things they do, over and over and over, because they think that is the way it is supposed to be and not questioning the hows, why's, or whatevers. Now, many people from western cultures hear the word 'guru' and become turned off because they 'think' it is some weirdo hocus-pocus or woo-woo way of thinking. But in actuality, the word guru itself just means 'a trusted counselor, adviser or mentor'. Not so scary right?

We are or become what we have been taught by our religious scribes, what our social culture expects of us, doctrine, dogma, our own skewed perception of how things happened in our memory of our past, or just what our parents have told us about ourselves. Many times our religious background has led us to believe things that may not be 100% correct. Now, you are thinking.....not my religion....but if that is so......what about all the other religions in the world? What about those religions that you think are woo-woo? THEY think their religion is the right one as well. Remember that 'self righteous morality is just jealousy with a halo'. (sic) For example....many cultures have very different customs and beliefs. Take the Hindu. They revere the 'cow'.... where we in Western civilization EAT our cows.....My 'guru' (er..........teacher if that makes you feel better) says that Hindus are no different than other religions; they kill for their beliefs and are merely vegetarians! Other civilizations kill for their beliefs as well. Take the killings in the Spanish Inquisition, or any war for that matter, that is based on religions.....WAIT A MINUTE!..... aren't all wars based in some matter or way in religion when you dig deep enough???? The point is that we may believe anything we wish to as long as we aren't 'obliged' to believe without questioning.

Many of us seem to focus on the negative instead of the positive aspects of our lives. For instance, my 'guru' says that if a child does poorly in math but excels in music, we usually get him a math tutor. DUH...While the positive approach should be to foster his musical talents and that way, he can 'hire' an accountant when he becomes successful. We seem to be 'addicted' to perceiving the lack instead of the abundance of everything around us. Nature is the 'poster child' for extravagance, wastefulness, and abundance in our existence. Think of how many flowers there are in the world, how many bodies of water, the grasses that grow under our very feet each day, how much food is produced that is thrown out (at least in our wasteful Western world). We should try to become 'addicted' to good addictions instead of bad addictions. Be addicted to noticing the abundance in the world around you, to the kindnesses that are evident in our daily lives and mostly, to the gift of life we enjoy!

How do we do that? Start by meditating.....Now don't get scared away....meditating is only stopping the 'monkey talk' in our heads and relaxing the mind. Science has proven that meditating boosts and secretes serotonin, dopamine and oxytocin ('happy hormones') in us and lowers the stress hormones because it induces DEEP rest in us. And we know that DEEP rest is refreshing and revitalizing to our mind and body's.

I know this is getting long......but Gommy has one more thing to think about. If you TRULY want something......you have to GIVE it to GET it. HUH? Think about it......the way the Universe (God) works is by example and service to others. If you want wealth.....you must help other people to get wealthy, if you want love you must give love to others, if you want respect you must respect other people or the people you want respect from, if you want peace....guess what? YOU must act peacefully towards others. Get it??? 'Be the change you want to see in the world." (sic)


OKIE-DOKIE...Gommy has stepped off the 'soap-box'....but just for today....I'll be baaaack. So have a great Saturday out there in 'blog-land'...Gommy is going to the beach and thank God (the Universe) for everything. If you are looking for me, I'll will be the one meditating....Hugs and Mush - Gommy ((*.*))

Do as I Say - Not as I Do !

Gommy has been reminded once again how easy it is to GIVE advice and not TAKE advice......even if you are the giver and the taker yourself. A co-worker this past week was very vitriolic and nasty to Gommy and Gommy allowed herself to easily fall into the trap of letting someone else's opinion matter.....But only for a minute ( ok - a few minutes) and only until Gommy remembered her (my) own advice to others, i.e. "Don't let someone else's opinion of you bother you because what someone else thinks of you is none of your business!" Get it??? Gommy does now (or does finally once again...) If we are to be secure within and about ourselves, we must become immune to our criticisms and well as the flattery we receive. You can't have it only one way. If you only listen to flattery then you will get a 'swelled head' and if you only believe your critics, you will self deflate.....not so good for either 'belief' to take over....see how that works?

The great Deepak Chopra says that anything that seems wrong in your life can be seen as the result of the past or the future. (sic) If you focus on just the 'present' moment, you will see that the present does not present any problems at all (right at the very minute that you are worrying about). If you only dwell on what has happened in your life in the past that was unpleasant or you only worry about what might happen in your life in the future that you fear.....you will 'think' you have problems. But you should realize that your past cannot hurt you (emotionally) unless you are stuck there in your mind and your future is just that.....the future, and the future can change if you focus on what you do want and not what you fear.

Then there is the theory that people usually equate 'wealth' with money. They fear they don't have enough of 'it', or someone is going to take 'it' away from them, or they fear they are less because they don't have as much of 'it' as someone else, or they have too much of 'it' and people don't like them because of 'it'.....and on and on ad nauseum. In reality, 'wealth' should be measured by the amount of good health and happiness you have in your possession because those are the things that cannot be bought nor are they for sale in any mall.....

There is a hunger for youth in todays' culture. The Eastern cultures admire and respect their elders. In our culture, the elderly and/or the poor are looked down upon and dis-respected. One thing Gommy found out when the little co-worker attacked disrespected Gommy this week is that if you disrespect someone they can become enraged!!!! You can pretty much do anything or say anything to someone and it will not affect them, but if you disrespect them....look out! Remember what Gommy said in a few blogs ago? 'You can say or do most anything to someone.....but how you make them feel will never be forgotten" (sic)

You can also age yourself more by the way you think too. Don't believe Gommy? Think of the people you know who always say they don't have enough time to do this or do that.....or the people that say there aren't enough hours in the day.....or their children are growing up too fast....they usually look or appear to be older than they are. And many times, these same people end up with a heart attack or poor health because they are actually aging themselves with the thought of running out of time....they are sadly prophesizing their own early demise!!! Instead, try to think in terms of...."I have an eternity to finish that....or I have all the time in the world to get ready for 'this or that'..... It will definitely cut down on stress and we all know that stress is what kills.... you know 'DIS-ease". And Gommy knows you have all heard that phrase before!

It is the same with the preoccupation of the 'war on this' or the 'war on that' as in the 'war on terrorism' or the 'war on poverty' or the 'war on aids', etc. etc. and yada-yada-yada. How is that working out folks??? Not so well, eh? Instead we should have a "peace movement' as we older generation did back in the day. It eventually ended the War in Viet Nam. Instead we should think in terms of 'healing bigotry' or 'healing hurt feelings that harbor terrorist thinking' or 'healing the ills of the country so that no one has to go hungry'. Gommy bets it will work alot better than all the 'wars on this and that' are working. Or how about working on our own 'spirituality'. And not the 'shallow' spirituality many people are living. Gommy means the 'deep' spirituality that involves looking into our own hearts and how we feel about the things in our world. What are you in that regard; deep or shallow spirits?

How can we help? What can we do? Gommy thinks if we just start out small, like being kind to our neighbors, friends and family is a very good start. Don't 'snap' the next time your child asks you a question, or your elderly parent, or your teacher, or swear because you are stuck in traffic, or you...........get the picture yet? Then start being a good citizen and not throwing that gum wrapper on the ground. Help someone less fortunate than you. It almost started up a few years ago with the movie "Pay it Forward", but sadly stalled after the hoopla of enjoying the movie ended.

Soooooo, Gommy says to think about this for a bit. Just that little pause from the hatred, bigotry and disrespect may be enough to get the ball rolling in the RIGHT direction. Try it....it can't hurt....right??? :) Have a nice day everyone and Gommy will try to remember from now on to "Do as I Say" and really DO IT!!!!....Hugs and Mush, Gommy

Old Friends

Isn't it nice when you can just pick up where you left off with a friend from your past? Yep.....But twenty-five years ago!!!!! That is what Gommy did this week. Through the wonderful social network of Facebook, a very dear friend from Gommys' early childhood found her way to reconnecting with Goms. We picked up just where we had left off all those many years ago. And we did so seamlessly, which is pretty amazing if you think about it.

It was sooo funny getting ready for our breakfast get-together.....You would have thought Gommy was getting ready for a date instead of meeting up with an old friend. But you know, it had been a very long time since we had seen each other and who know how she might look??? Goms had to look her best too. As soon as I saw her at our rendezvous place.......I knew her immediately and she hadn't changed one iota in all these years......well, we have all changed a little but for the most part, I would have been able to pick her out in a crowd. Of course, she was polite about my looking pretty good as well.


My friend and I actually go back some 50 years.....we went through our first marriages together too. My late husband and I would go over to her and her husbands' house and play games and cards when we were all newlyweds. It was before Gommy had any children and my friend and her husband had a son at the time. Those were some mighty good times when you think we didn't have a 'pot or a window' in those early years. It just proves that you CAN have a good time with little or no money for entertainment.


Another pretty astonishing thing is that when we were kids, we lived just blocks away from each other and when I asked about the rest of her family and we got to one of her brothers....I asked where he lived and she mentioned an area and it is the same area where Grandpa and I live now and then I asked what street it was and it turns out it he lives on OUR very street! He happens to live just 6 blocks from where we live right now.....Is that ironic or spooky or what??? We ended up living just blocks away from each other after 50 years had passed. That is awesome, if you ask Goms.


Well, it is a very nice circumstance to get reacquainted with a very good friend from ages ago. It is definitely a 'Blast from the Past"......Gommy LOVES it!!!! Great things keep happening in our lives all the time. Can't wait for the next great surprise that is around the corner......Hope some of you have a chance to reconnect with an old friend some day......Have a great day all my blog-friends out there!! Hugs and Mush, Gommy

Beyond Judgement

Gommy is enjoying another glorious Sunday. Thank you God. This Sunday started at 5:30am for Gommy..........I know! Gommys' internal clock just works that way....but at first stirrings, the thoughts of my blog filled my head. What to write about today??? 'Judgement' came to the forefront of my thinking and that is what 'Gommys Goodies' is about today.

Gommy heard somewhere that there are only three types of behaviors; nice, nasty and indifferent. When you think about it, by golly, that is correct! Try to think of people you know and try to give other types of behavior to them and you will see for yourself that anyone you can think of will actually fall into one of these three categories. I know! I tried myself.....

We don't usually give much thought to the nice people we know. And that is a terrible oversight because they are the ones we should focus on.....but for some unknown human response 'thingy' (a very technical Gommy term), we do focus on the nasty or the indifferent people we come across.

As we tend to focus on the nasty or indifferent people we know, we are usually measuring how they feel about us or their opinion of us. And that is absurd because in reality WHO CARES what they think or feel about us? Gommy only cares about the opinion of those who Gommy admires or loves or cares about in life.

If you ARE one of the nasty or indifferent people (but sadly, don't often admit to being) who do judge others all the time, you need to work on that. Try to get beyond the judging and find that small place just before the judging begins and your response to your judgement takes affect. THAT is the place to start. Start what? Start stopping.....Stop judging and start just witnessing. By that Gommy means you can 'witness' someone or something and just process it without judging because you have no idea how that person or their behavior manifested. Go beyond judgement to witnessing and then finally to acceptance. The acceptance that it is really none of your business how someone decides to live their life. You know the Bible parable about 'the splinter in your brothers' eye and the log in your own'? (sic)

Some of the greatest 'seers' in life went beyond judgement and just witnessed. Most of us have heard or read the great poets Keats and Shelley. But did you know that they had all of this wonderful insight at an age that is not often represented by the youth? Shelley was only 29 when he died and Keats was only 25!

But back to judgement and judging. Wayne Dyer, in his lectures, says that we should be 'independent of the good opinion of others'. By that, it means that we should live our lives and let others live theirs and stop trying to 'be of' the good opinion of others. For if you do, you will always be trying to live up to someone elses idea of how to live.

The great satirist H.L. Mencken wrote once to one of his critics, "I am sitting here in the smallest room in my house (we all know which room that is) and I have your letter of criticism before me. Soon it will be behind me." (sic) And that is how we should all feel about someone who is criticizing us. Let it go.....who cares????

So as Gommy sits at the computer, enjoying the birds chirping outside and realizing they are not aware nor do they care about the other birds opinions of their chrips.....Gommy says quit judging others and if you really need to judge, start with yourself....that is really the only opinion you should care about and the only one that you can actually change anyway......Enjoy life....Hugs and Mush, Gommy

Football Season

Well, it's here fans.......football season. Armchair quarterbacks, the testing of manhood, proudly showing off how cold it is in the stands, while baring your bare-chested and game colored-painted body in the sub-freezing weather, while holding a giant thermometer to show how 'strong' and 'virile' you are, just in case a TV camera catches you on the Jumbo-Tron...........and guess what?....they do! You must be sooooo proud!

There are many seasons of our lives....there are the yearly seasons of Summer, Fall, Winter and Spring. There are the Christian holiday seasons; Easter and Christmas. And then there are the seasons of our life.....birth and death. Sometimes football games can lead you to wish you were 'dead' when you have bet too much on your losing team.....Geesh....what were you thinking guy?

But back to football season....it is usually looked forward to with rabid anticipation for many men and quite a few women as well. Gommy thinks it is because after a long, busy and hot summer, most of us are ready to take a break and 'watch' instead of participate. The summer usually brings with it vacations, beach-going, hiking, rollerblading and many other out of doors activities that require us to expend quite a bit of our own energy......Now, the fans can sit and watch other people expend quite a bit of their energy and get to watch them and all the while, we get to eat junk food and socialize with our friends, in person - at the games or just in our living rooms. Bathing suit season is over for this season.....no more exercising or holding in the old gut. Pack on the pounds fans...... you can relax until Summer approaches next year and that panic sets in that you have to get ready to put that bikini on again.......UGH!

The hoopla over football is very interesting to Gommy. A bunch of guys try to get an orb from the other bunch of guys and beat up on each other for a couple of hours and the one that gets the orb the most....WINS!!! Wins what? Mostly 'Bragging Rights' that they are the best.....Best what??? Best 'beater-uppers'....And the people who are rooting for them are the 'Best' too. How that is puzzles the mind. Just because you like....er....LOVE a certain team and they beat up the other team and took their orb away more times.....what?...somehow equates that now you are better...stronger....smarter????? Oh well...........if that is what 'floats your boat', then you 'go guy and girl fan'. Gommy is all about positive 'self-esteem' no matter how you get it (er....almost no matter how you get it). This sort of sporting event has been going on for centuries...it is not unlike the Gladiators.....except for the killing.....;) - although Gommy has seen a few after-game tail-gate parties that almost included killing the opponents fans......WOW...that is certainly some personal attachment to a game!

But, Gommy has to admit that she looks forward to football season too. That is now that Grandpa Mike and Gommy don't own the golf course anymore. Football season is when the golfing season seemed to go into hibernation up north, along with the opportunity for any form of money coming in to the business to pay the bills! :( ....but now Gommy and Grandpa can enjoy the football season just like 'real' people. Gommy might ad that the weather isn't a dire concern any longer either......Having the weather determine if you are going to make any money on any certain day or if the weather is going to cancel or mess up a money-making golf tournament that you have planned and worked on for months is not so much fun! Gommy can actually enjoy hearing the rain, while taking a nap now.....Thank you God!

I'm guessing all the hype and TV ads really do get you all reved up to begin the 'beating-up' football season......ahhhhhhhhhhhhh....soooooooo, just like so many football fans, we've got our stash of corn chips, salsa, potato chips, hot dogs, chicken wings, beer and sodas and any other junk food you can think of ready and waiting to sit in the recliner and shout out to the TV how the coaches SHOULD be coaching.... BOOYAH!!!!! GO TEAM!!!!!