Gommy usually hears something, reads something or has a feeling come over me that later becomes a 'Gommy's Goody' blog. This week they seem to be coming in from every angle imaginable.
First, Goms heard someone talking about how that, even in the face of adversity, there is always something to take away from the experience that will help us in the long run.....if we are able to 'learn the lesson' we are supposed to be learning from the lesson. Goms heard of one man who said that because of an illness that took his tongue, jaw and most of his mouth away, he could no longer eat food in the usual way the rest of us do and take for granted several times a day. He said that when he sees a food now that looks so delicious to him, he is immediately reminded of a time he enjoyed that food with someone very special to him. He can recall the exact time, occasion or place he enjoyed that repast. His ability to taste food may be gone but God replaced that lost pleasure with a vivid memory of a time spent with someone he loved and maybe is no longer alive. And he can now relive that experience over and over again. I'll take a visit with my departed loved ones or a past holiday meal spent with them any day over a piece of fried chicken!
Then Goms was thinking about how so many times in our lives we take for granted that we will always be around and we do some foolish things that may take away our precious time here on Earth. Or we are careless with our friends or family members and assume they will always be there for us. The reality is that there are no 'do-overs' in life. Once it is said, done or the 'bridge has been burned'.....there is no going back, or taking it back...just the realization that what's done is done and we just have to learn to live with it. But how we live with it (react), also affects the rest of our life. Never miss the opportunity to tell your friends and family that you love them....it may just be the last time you get to tell them.
Another poignant statement that hit Goms this week was from a Facebook profile statement...it said something about steering clear of the three 'N's' ......that would be the negative, the needy and the nasty types of people.....How true is that???? How uncomfortable is it to be around those types of people? They are usually the 'it's all about me' types anyway and it can become very tedious over time to associate with the self-absorbed person who never really listens to anyone else...because they are too obsessed about themselves to care about you. Who needs to be hanging around those types anyhow??? My mother always said that God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason.....You must listen to someone intently if you are going to ever understand them. If you are constantly talking over people...you won't ever be 'getting it' or 'them'. And all the while, you will be wondering why you don't connect with people....DUH!
Then, this week Gommy received a gift for my daughter Tiffanys' birthday. Tiffany died 17 years ago but she touched so many people in the short 17 years she lived that it amazes Goms. That is until I realize it is my Tiff that I'm talking about. The gift was from Tiffany's art teacher, Carla Stiles. Carla has NEVER missed a birthday, to send me an angel -related gift and a card saying "Happy Birthday Tiff" and that it is another year without our sunshine girl. Can you believe that someone made such an impression on someone that they are never forgotten in all these years? Well, sadly, you didn't know my Tiff. It says volumes about the wonderful woman Carla Stiles is as well. Each year, it makes a very sad day a little brighter for Goms to know someone who knew Tiff and loved her, is remembering her along with me.
So, peeps....remember that you may not think it is much of a big deal to do something nice for someone.....or that someone may just need to have you listen to them instead of talking over them about your own woes....or realize that everyone is having their own crisis or troubles and may just need a kind word or an 'ear', instead of your judgement of them. But it really is all about all of us. We are all connected and the way we 'handle' each other and our circumstances and situations is like an eddy in a pond. It ripples outward and touches everyone else. And also, remember Karma....what you dish out WILL come back to you...either in the way of good things or bad things. Personally, Goms prefers the good stuff!
So be nice to each other boys and girls.....you may be in need of a shoulder, a helping hand or a kind word some day.....Reap and Sow.....Reap and Sow.....Reap and Sow....Gommy is pulling for you...Hugs to all.......
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Karma is a Charmer
Gommy used to think that all the 'mumbo-jumbo' about Karma, Eastern philosophies, auras and the like were just that.....mumbo-jumbo. As Goms gets on in years, it becomes clearer to me that Karma definitely exists and that what we put out there actually does come back to us. There are signs and sayings all through our lives that point to the fact that Karma does exists. Even the Bible says you 'reap what you sow'....and no one thinks that is a bunch of hocus-pocus because it comes from the word of God.
As for our auras.....that is just a funky way of describing that we all have our own distinct 'way we act and react' to different events and/or stimuli in our lives. Maybe the biggest difference between Eastern and Western philosophy is that Eastern philosophy puts a direct correlation between the Universe (God if that makes some feel more comfortable) and human existence. Eastern philosophy teaches that all experiences and phenomena are manifestations of a basic oneness. That all things are interdependent and inseparable from each other.......actually different manifestations of the same reality. That makes sense to Goms because as we age, we see how everything is interconnected and that our thoughts and actions or in-actions actually do affect everything and everyone else sooner or later.
Take lying or mistreating someone. When we lie about someone, we harm that person. Karma dictates that we have to eventually pay for that disservice some day, some way. It usually manifests in that someone will lie about us one day in a way that will harm us so we know what that feels like. Conversely, if we do something good or nice.....that comes back as well. So Goms would suggest that we do less of the harming and more of the niceties. It is like hedging your bets. You don't want to take the chance of having the bad things come your way.
As another example of experiencing what we have or haven't done to someone before; if we don't have compassion for others, how can we expect others to care what happens to us if we are in need of compassion some day? That brings to mind another sage saying....'what goes around comes around'. Makes you wonder why we use these sayings and don't think they actually apply to us personally????? Denial maybe? Guess what friends? What goes around actually does come around.....you just feel it more acutely when it is happening to YOU... Like the saying that is relevent in today's economic scenerio....."If your neighbor loses his home....it is a recession.....if you lose your home...it is a DEPRESSION".
So Gommy is just 'saying'....we are all in the same proverbial 'boat'.....so we better be doing all we can to assure that the 'boat' stays upright for all of us to survive. Being kind and having compassion and thinking about our deeds and actions before we act is a good start on making sure our Karma stays on our good side. Gommy, for one, wants to make sure that what is being put out in the Universe will be welcomed as it makes its' return trip to me. Goms is pulling for you boys and girls. Hugs and Mush......Gommy
As for our auras.....that is just a funky way of describing that we all have our own distinct 'way we act and react' to different events and/or stimuli in our lives. Maybe the biggest difference between Eastern and Western philosophy is that Eastern philosophy puts a direct correlation between the Universe (God if that makes some feel more comfortable) and human existence. Eastern philosophy teaches that all experiences and phenomena are manifestations of a basic oneness. That all things are interdependent and inseparable from each other.......actually different manifestations of the same reality. That makes sense to Goms because as we age, we see how everything is interconnected and that our thoughts and actions or in-actions actually do affect everything and everyone else sooner or later.
Take lying or mistreating someone. When we lie about someone, we harm that person. Karma dictates that we have to eventually pay for that disservice some day, some way. It usually manifests in that someone will lie about us one day in a way that will harm us so we know what that feels like. Conversely, if we do something good or nice.....that comes back as well. So Goms would suggest that we do less of the harming and more of the niceties. It is like hedging your bets. You don't want to take the chance of having the bad things come your way.
As another example of experiencing what we have or haven't done to someone before; if we don't have compassion for others, how can we expect others to care what happens to us if we are in need of compassion some day? That brings to mind another sage saying....'what goes around comes around'. Makes you wonder why we use these sayings and don't think they actually apply to us personally????? Denial maybe? Guess what friends? What goes around actually does come around.....you just feel it more acutely when it is happening to YOU... Like the saying that is relevent in today's economic scenerio....."If your neighbor loses his home....it is a recession.....if you lose your home...it is a DEPRESSION".
So Gommy is just 'saying'....we are all in the same proverbial 'boat'.....so we better be doing all we can to assure that the 'boat' stays upright for all of us to survive. Being kind and having compassion and thinking about our deeds and actions before we act is a good start on making sure our Karma stays on our good side. Gommy, for one, wants to make sure that what is being put out in the Universe will be welcomed as it makes its' return trip to me. Goms is pulling for you boys and girls. Hugs and Mush......Gommy
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Happy Birthday Sweet Tiffany
Today you would have been 35 years old. Happy Birthday my sweet Tiffany. Today you would still have been the beautiful girl you always were. You were the bright light that entered any room. You were the sweetness of youth. You were the promise of a wonderful life ahead. But to me, you will always be MY little girl.
Thank you for choosing me as your Mom. Thank you for the countless times you made me so proud of you. Thank you for your cheerful smile and beautiful disposition. Thank you for loving me so much and allowing me to know that kind of love. And thank you for teaching me how to be a better person. And for wanting to be a better person.
I sometimes hear people complaining about their children and I am so afraid for them. I am afraid that one day they may know the depths of despair that comes when that child is taken away from them forever. I want to scream....YOU DON'T KNOW HOW LUCKY YOU ARE TO HAVE YOUR CHILD! But I keep my silence, because no one wants you to make them feel badly and they will just get defensive anyway. So I just keep my terrible secret....the secret of knowing that no matter what the problem may be, it doesn't compare with the agony of not having that child be with you any longer.
I know one day we will be together again Tiff. And until that day, I know you are with me always. I feel you there in the gentle breeze as I sit on the beach......I feel you there when I go to the mall and remember all the times we went together and I just know you would be soooo up on all the styles. I feel you there when a song comes on the radio and I can still hear your sweet voice singing in the car or remember you listening to your music while you used to get ready for school. I feel you when I am feeling down and I can picture that beautiful smile of yours and somehow that makes everything all right again for a while. I feel you with me always my sweet, sweet, dear Tiffany. Thank you for watching out for me.....I know I am never really alone because you are there with me.
Our lives will never be the way it was when you and Terry were with us. Our lives are still blessed because we have your sister Tracey and her special family and Terry's beautiful children and now Mike has a little granddaughter that I just know you would love.....but our 'family wheel' is missing spokes and no matter that it still rolls along.....something is always missing. I miss you in all the big and little things of life. I miss you every day my sweet Tiff. Every birthday, every holiday, every day that I wake without you in it....I miss your sweet scent, your beautiful blue eyes, your gorgeous hair, your infectious laugh, I miss the way you made me marvel at the goodness of you....I miss the way we would watch TV and sit on the couch while we would softly tickle each other. I love you more now than ever and more than I can say in words. My love for you grows even though we can't be together right now.
So, thank you my sweet Tiffany. Thank you for being you and for coming into my life. I will love you always and forever.....Happy Birthday Spiffy Tiffy...Mom
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Control Freak?
Good Sunday to all.....Gommy and Grandpa Mike were very fortunate to be the guests at a very wonderful and inspirational event yesterday. It was the Athletes in Action Annual Superbowl Breakfast. Beyond seeing many 'larger than life' super-stars of sports, we were graced with inspirational speeches by some of these 'larger than life' stars.
Most of us think of sports figures as mere conduits for the entertainment of their fans. But it was quite evident yesterday that the road to greatness is often paved with many pot holes and fender benders, if I may use the car analogy on the road to life. I use the car analogy because the great quarterback, Kurt Warner, used that analogy while giving his acceptance speech in receiving the coveted Bart Starr award. While he was speaking, it was clear that he didn't just 'become' the great man he had turned in to eventually. He explained that when he met his wife, he was a believer in God, but only called on God when he 'needed' Him. His then girlfriend Brenda, who later became his wife, and he had many discussions about their beliefs. It took much soul searching and many 'discussions' before he came to realize that we should know and appreciate that God is with us at all times of our lives and not just when things are circling the drain.
That got Gommy to thinking about how our ideas, feelings, outlooks and our mindset can change to be so drastically different with time and self-discovery. Many times the change is for the good of us and everyone around us, if we just allow ourselves to have open minds about the important things in our lives.
Gommy feels the major contributing factor in not changing may be if we are too much in the grip of being a 'control freak'. Now, no one wants to admit they are a 'control freak'......but there are several tell- tale signs. You may even know a control freak, work with a control freak, be married to a control freak and even, God forbid, BE a control freak.
Gommy can speak on this subject because Gommy WAS a control freak at one time in my life. Being able to see this personality flaw in myself and analyzing why it became a part of who I was, allows Gommy to speak on the subject, first hand. My own compulsion manifested in being a 'clean freak' and in trying to be perfect at everything at all times. I could mop up a floor while people were still seated in their chairs and their conversation might not miss a beat, or so I thought. Gommy could wash and dry a coffee cup as soon as it touched the saucer of a guest. Company for dinner that included 100 people....no problem. Just keep your head down, keep going at all cost to hospitality and make sure everything seems PERFECT.
Gommy once gave a shower for a neighbor and although everything 'seemed' to be beautiful and 'perfect', one of the guests called Goms a 'shower Nazi'. Boy, did that hurt! But you know something? She was right. I was so concerned that everything was 'perfect', I wasn't allowing for a free-flowing and easy, fun time to be had by everyone. God forbid that the games weren't played and enjoyed by everyone at exactly the perfect time in the soiree, or that the guests were duly impressed with the gala I had planned.
That may be the first glimpse Goms had of 'maybe it wasn't all so perfect after all'...... if the guests weren't enjoying themselves as I thought they should be, maybe there were other parts of my life that weren't as perfect as I thought I was making them. What a wake-up call and how grateful I am that a person who I didn't even know, gave me such a gift of awareness for my future. Goms knows it was a wake-up call because the compulsive cleaning???? Not anymore, Gommy is healed!!!! Now, if the table has dust on it, Gommy just writes in the dust....."Gommy was here!" LOL
Now, for a peek into how this disorder may have started in the first place for Gommy, let Goms show the reasons Gommy became soooooo self-absorbed in controlling things in my life; as a child and as a young married person, Gommy was never in control of anything. Yes, I said ANYTHING. My mom, though she loved me beyond imagination, was a "Large-Marge and in Charge" person at any and all expense. Then, being married at the ripe age of nineteen, my late husband took up the reins of controlling my life. Cleaning (but in a manic way) and being 'perfect' were the only ways Goms felt in control of anything. Goms never looked up to see if anyone was noticing and no one did say anything until about ten years after becoming a widow, as referenced in the preceding paragraph.
First, let's explain the two types of Control Freaks. But to make sure we are all on the same page about this subject, let Gommy explain that both types are the result of anxiety and the process used to calm that anxiety, for whatever reason the person has the anxiety to begin with. The first type is the 'self-absorbed' control freak (that was Gommy's type). This type of person is strictly trying to cope with their own anxieties. They just want to feel better and don't even realize other people are even around some of the time. This can manifest in being a 'clean freak', over orderly, obsessive -compulsiveness, moodiness,....and on and on.
The second type of control freak is the 'aggressive control freak'. They are also trying to manage their anxiety but make no mistake, they are VERY aware of you and usually have to diminish you in some capacity to ease their own anxiety. This type of 'control freak' not only wants to diminish you, they want to defeat you, thus making them feel superior. But don't take their actions personally, they are not trying to actually 'hurt' you, they are just trying to protect themselves. They usually become the head of their Community POA board, run for politics, or become the PTA president, so they can be sure their little corner of the world is run correctly.....and of course, only they know how it should be run!
Even though it is quite normal to expect to control our own lives, it becomes a personality disorder when we want to control the lives of other people as well. Remember the saying, "It isn't selfish to live your life the way you want. It is selfish to want others to live the way you want to live your life." Being a control freak causes a lot of tension in relationships and it isn't very enjoyable to be around a control freak. Control freaks mostly have the same personality traits, i.e. perfectionism, orderliness to a fault, criticism, workaholics, eating disordered, and the fear of letting anyone else be in charge for fear that they won't do it right, so the control freak just does it themselves, (Gommy had that one too).....It really boils down to the control freak feeling if they are in charge of everything, they won't be exposed for their anxieties, anger and insecurities about their own frailties. But as time wears on, it become evident that it is very tedious to be doing it all by yourself and then resentments start to take over that no one else is helping.....DUH, you didn't let them help did you??? And it is much easier to let the control freak do everything isn't it????
The bottom line in dealing with control freaks is to slow down......force them to 'look' at the situation and by doing so, you keep control of yourself in the situation or confrontation. Stay calm at all costs. Control freaks tend to create much tension in those around them, so if you can stay calm, it may relax them as well. You must remember though that they are master (or mistress) manipulators so you have to stay on guard around them at all times. Also, if they are degrading you, try to remember the old Maxim, "Those that demand the most, give the least." and that 'no one can make your feel bad about yourself without your permission'. It is also helpful to realize that the people who are the most loud, bossy and obnoxious are really the most insecure people you know.
So, Gommy hopes this sheds a light on a very common personality type that many of us know or have ourselves or have had in the past. It is sometimes helpful to examine, think on and try to analyze why we do certain things. It can help us also to understand a friend, a spouse, a sibling, a child, a co-worker and even ourselves. If we can get to the root of our insecurities, we have begun the process of healing ourselves. Keep searching boys and girls....we are all a work in progress. It is much easier to be calm, cool and collected if we realize that many other fellow humans are in the same boat with us.....and they are all just trying to protect themselves from being exposed.....
Gommy even has times when I 'fall out of the boat' and if I can just remain calm and sensible and not become defensive, and try to examine the criticism I may be receiving, and find the root of the behavior I am exhibiting (Whew!)..... I can usually figure out where the problem started in the first place and resolve any misunderstanding on my part and mend the problem or disagreement at hand. Yes......I warned you that it is work! But well worth the effort. Goms promises.
Have a great week everyone....and remember, Goms is pulling for you. Hugs and Mush, Gommy
Most of us think of sports figures as mere conduits for the entertainment of their fans. But it was quite evident yesterday that the road to greatness is often paved with many pot holes and fender benders, if I may use the car analogy on the road to life. I use the car analogy because the great quarterback, Kurt Warner, used that analogy while giving his acceptance speech in receiving the coveted Bart Starr award. While he was speaking, it was clear that he didn't just 'become' the great man he had turned in to eventually. He explained that when he met his wife, he was a believer in God, but only called on God when he 'needed' Him. His then girlfriend Brenda, who later became his wife, and he had many discussions about their beliefs. It took much soul searching and many 'discussions' before he came to realize that we should know and appreciate that God is with us at all times of our lives and not just when things are circling the drain.
That got Gommy to thinking about how our ideas, feelings, outlooks and our mindset can change to be so drastically different with time and self-discovery. Many times the change is for the good of us and everyone around us, if we just allow ourselves to have open minds about the important things in our lives.
Gommy feels the major contributing factor in not changing may be if we are too much in the grip of being a 'control freak'. Now, no one wants to admit they are a 'control freak'......but there are several tell- tale signs. You may even know a control freak, work with a control freak, be married to a control freak and even, God forbid, BE a control freak.
Gommy can speak on this subject because Gommy WAS a control freak at one time in my life. Being able to see this personality flaw in myself and analyzing why it became a part of who I was, allows Gommy to speak on the subject, first hand. My own compulsion manifested in being a 'clean freak' and in trying to be perfect at everything at all times. I could mop up a floor while people were still seated in their chairs and their conversation might not miss a beat, or so I thought. Gommy could wash and dry a coffee cup as soon as it touched the saucer of a guest. Company for dinner that included 100 people....no problem. Just keep your head down, keep going at all cost to hospitality and make sure everything seems PERFECT.
Gommy once gave a shower for a neighbor and although everything 'seemed' to be beautiful and 'perfect', one of the guests called Goms a 'shower Nazi'. Boy, did that hurt! But you know something? She was right. I was so concerned that everything was 'perfect', I wasn't allowing for a free-flowing and easy, fun time to be had by everyone. God forbid that the games weren't played and enjoyed by everyone at exactly the perfect time in the soiree, or that the guests were duly impressed with the gala I had planned.
That may be the first glimpse Goms had of 'maybe it wasn't all so perfect after all'...... if the guests weren't enjoying themselves as I thought they should be, maybe there were other parts of my life that weren't as perfect as I thought I was making them. What a wake-up call and how grateful I am that a person who I didn't even know, gave me such a gift of awareness for my future. Goms knows it was a wake-up call because the compulsive cleaning???? Not anymore, Gommy is healed!!!! Now, if the table has dust on it, Gommy just writes in the dust....."Gommy was here!" LOL
Now, for a peek into how this disorder may have started in the first place for Gommy, let Goms show the reasons Gommy became soooooo self-absorbed in controlling things in my life; as a child and as a young married person, Gommy was never in control of anything. Yes, I said ANYTHING. My mom, though she loved me beyond imagination, was a "Large-Marge and in Charge" person at any and all expense. Then, being married at the ripe age of nineteen, my late husband took up the reins of controlling my life. Cleaning (but in a manic way) and being 'perfect' were the only ways Goms felt in control of anything. Goms never looked up to see if anyone was noticing and no one did say anything until about ten years after becoming a widow, as referenced in the preceding paragraph.
First, let's explain the two types of Control Freaks. But to make sure we are all on the same page about this subject, let Gommy explain that both types are the result of anxiety and the process used to calm that anxiety, for whatever reason the person has the anxiety to begin with. The first type is the 'self-absorbed' control freak (that was Gommy's type). This type of person is strictly trying to cope with their own anxieties. They just want to feel better and don't even realize other people are even around some of the time. This can manifest in being a 'clean freak', over orderly, obsessive -compulsiveness, moodiness,....and on and on.
The second type of control freak is the 'aggressive control freak'. They are also trying to manage their anxiety but make no mistake, they are VERY aware of you and usually have to diminish you in some capacity to ease their own anxiety. This type of 'control freak' not only wants to diminish you, they want to defeat you, thus making them feel superior. But don't take their actions personally, they are not trying to actually 'hurt' you, they are just trying to protect themselves. They usually become the head of their Community POA board, run for politics, or become the PTA president, so they can be sure their little corner of the world is run correctly.....and of course, only they know how it should be run!
Even though it is quite normal to expect to control our own lives, it becomes a personality disorder when we want to control the lives of other people as well. Remember the saying, "It isn't selfish to live your life the way you want. It is selfish to want others to live the way you want to live your life." Being a control freak causes a lot of tension in relationships and it isn't very enjoyable to be around a control freak. Control freaks mostly have the same personality traits, i.e. perfectionism, orderliness to a fault, criticism, workaholics, eating disordered, and the fear of letting anyone else be in charge for fear that they won't do it right, so the control freak just does it themselves, (Gommy had that one too).....It really boils down to the control freak feeling if they are in charge of everything, they won't be exposed for their anxieties, anger and insecurities about their own frailties. But as time wears on, it become evident that it is very tedious to be doing it all by yourself and then resentments start to take over that no one else is helping.....DUH, you didn't let them help did you??? And it is much easier to let the control freak do everything isn't it????
The bottom line in dealing with control freaks is to slow down......force them to 'look' at the situation and by doing so, you keep control of yourself in the situation or confrontation. Stay calm at all costs. Control freaks tend to create much tension in those around them, so if you can stay calm, it may relax them as well. You must remember though that they are master (or mistress) manipulators so you have to stay on guard around them at all times. Also, if they are degrading you, try to remember the old Maxim, "Those that demand the most, give the least." and that 'no one can make your feel bad about yourself without your permission'. It is also helpful to realize that the people who are the most loud, bossy and obnoxious are really the most insecure people you know.
So, Gommy hopes this sheds a light on a very common personality type that many of us know or have ourselves or have had in the past. It is sometimes helpful to examine, think on and try to analyze why we do certain things. It can help us also to understand a friend, a spouse, a sibling, a child, a co-worker and even ourselves. If we can get to the root of our insecurities, we have begun the process of healing ourselves. Keep searching boys and girls....we are all a work in progress. It is much easier to be calm, cool and collected if we realize that many other fellow humans are in the same boat with us.....and they are all just trying to protect themselves from being exposed.....
Gommy even has times when I 'fall out of the boat' and if I can just remain calm and sensible and not become defensive, and try to examine the criticism I may be receiving, and find the root of the behavior I am exhibiting (Whew!)..... I can usually figure out where the problem started in the first place and resolve any misunderstanding on my part and mend the problem or disagreement at hand. Yes......I warned you that it is work! But well worth the effort. Goms promises.
Have a great week everyone....and remember, Goms is pulling for you. Hugs and Mush, Gommy
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Excuse me ^#@*%!
Hello boys and girls.....it's been a while since Gommy has blogged and to be honest.....there have just been soooo many things going on since the last time, that blogging has been put on the back burner....BUT...they were all good things, so there will be more blogs to follow soon.
Today, Gommy wants to write about rudeness.....Now you may be saying that you aren't rude because; you haven't tripped anyone on purpose lately, or you haven't made anyone cry from being so mean to them, or you can't remember snubbing anyone on purpose. Well friends, rudeness can take many forms. There are subtle ways to be rude and we should all try to be more aware of our actions so we don't increasingly become a society of rude people.
You could be the sort of rude person who is always late. That character flaw shows that you feel your time must be more important than the person you are making wait. Or you may interrupt others and by doing so, you assume what you have to say is more interesting than what the person you are interrupting is saying. Or you could talk or text on your phone while in the company of someone and this tells the person you are with that you don't really enjoy their company as much as answering the person who actually 'interrupted' you and the person who is with you at the time. While we are on the subject of the phone.....it is really rude to use your phone in: church, the movie theater, in school, at a meeting, etc..... Remember also, that no one needs to hear your entire conversation either. It used to be that conversations were between a couple of people, but now with the advent of the cell phone....everyone gets to hear what you are saying.
Another rudeness is vulgarity. Or in simpler terms....cussing....Goms for one doesn't appreciate the 'F' bomb being dropped all the time in social situations. Gommy isn't a prude by any means, but there are some people who don't appreciate profanity and in the spirit of giving a hoot, just tone it down while in public, pretty please. You might also remember that swearing is used by those who have a limited vocabulary....so learn a few more words.
The use of the phrases of 'please' and 'thank you' and 'excuse me' have seemingly gone out the window in today's machinations as well. It used to be the custom in polite society to say 'thank you' to someone for a nicety such as; holding a door open for you, serving you, or doing a favor for you. 'Please' also used to be the first word in asking someone FOR anything. And 'excuse me' was used when we infringed on anyone, be it either by interrupting them, bumping into them, saying 'excuse me' when you didn't hear what someone said, instead of saying "HUH?", or any unintentional act that may be seen as being rude.
When entering into a room or passing someone in the hall at work or even on the street.....would it kill any of us to say hello, good morning or at the least...give the person a nod? The definition of 'courtesy' is; to have excellence of manners and to be respectful or considerate of others. Courtesy is important because it shows respect for others and 'common courtesy', such as listening when others are speaking, makes it easier to just get along with people in general.
But, on the other hand, if someone is being rude and it is obvious that they are not going to change, just be all the more courteous and the rude person will be the one who looks the fool. That is because acting obnoxious is an affliction that isn't noticed by the obnoxious one and is very evident to everyone all around them.
Common courtesy is taught from the home while we are still children. If we aren't taught, we won't know how to be civil and we will end up being rude adults. So parents, 'please' teach good manners to your children while they are still impressionable. It is a habit that is learned. And it is your responsibility to teach your children how to be polite and live in a civilization, emphasis on the 'civil'. It will help them immensely while they are growing into adulthood and are trying to navigate this great big world full of people.
So...your lesson for today is to "mind your P's and Q's". That phrase came about originally, way back in the 17th Century in England, when bartenders had to keep an eye on their customers so they didn't drink too much. The P was for the pints they were drinking that could turn into quarts or Q's. Later it evolved into minding your manners, i.e. especially remembering to say 'please and thank you' and 'excuse me'. It really isn't hard to be polite. But you must practice, practice, practice. It will come back if you make it a habit to be nice.....Thank you for reading my blog today and please come back another time and excuse me if I stepped on any toes with today's Blog.....Hugs and Mush and remember always that Gommy is pulling for you. It can only make the world a nicer place if we remember to be kinder and gentler with each other.
Today, Gommy wants to write about rudeness.....Now you may be saying that you aren't rude because; you haven't tripped anyone on purpose lately, or you haven't made anyone cry from being so mean to them, or you can't remember snubbing anyone on purpose. Well friends, rudeness can take many forms. There are subtle ways to be rude and we should all try to be more aware of our actions so we don't increasingly become a society of rude people.
You could be the sort of rude person who is always late. That character flaw shows that you feel your time must be more important than the person you are making wait. Or you may interrupt others and by doing so, you assume what you have to say is more interesting than what the person you are interrupting is saying. Or you could talk or text on your phone while in the company of someone and this tells the person you are with that you don't really enjoy their company as much as answering the person who actually 'interrupted' you and the person who is with you at the time. While we are on the subject of the phone.....it is really rude to use your phone in: church, the movie theater, in school, at a meeting, etc..... Remember also, that no one needs to hear your entire conversation either. It used to be that conversations were between a couple of people, but now with the advent of the cell phone....everyone gets to hear what you are saying.
Another rudeness is vulgarity. Or in simpler terms....cussing....Goms for one doesn't appreciate the 'F' bomb being dropped all the time in social situations. Gommy isn't a prude by any means, but there are some people who don't appreciate profanity and in the spirit of giving a hoot, just tone it down while in public, pretty please. You might also remember that swearing is used by those who have a limited vocabulary....so learn a few more words.
The use of the phrases of 'please' and 'thank you' and 'excuse me' have seemingly gone out the window in today's machinations as well. It used to be the custom in polite society to say 'thank you' to someone for a nicety such as; holding a door open for you, serving you, or doing a favor for you. 'Please' also used to be the first word in asking someone FOR anything. And 'excuse me' was used when we infringed on anyone, be it either by interrupting them, bumping into them, saying 'excuse me' when you didn't hear what someone said, instead of saying "HUH?", or any unintentional act that may be seen as being rude.
When entering into a room or passing someone in the hall at work or even on the street.....would it kill any of us to say hello, good morning or at the least...give the person a nod? The definition of 'courtesy' is; to have excellence of manners and to be respectful or considerate of others. Courtesy is important because it shows respect for others and 'common courtesy', such as listening when others are speaking, makes it easier to just get along with people in general.
But, on the other hand, if someone is being rude and it is obvious that they are not going to change, just be all the more courteous and the rude person will be the one who looks the fool. That is because acting obnoxious is an affliction that isn't noticed by the obnoxious one and is very evident to everyone all around them.
Common courtesy is taught from the home while we are still children. If we aren't taught, we won't know how to be civil and we will end up being rude adults. So parents, 'please' teach good manners to your children while they are still impressionable. It is a habit that is learned. And it is your responsibility to teach your children how to be polite and live in a civilization, emphasis on the 'civil'. It will help them immensely while they are growing into adulthood and are trying to navigate this great big world full of people.
So...your lesson for today is to "mind your P's and Q's". That phrase came about originally, way back in the 17th Century in England, when bartenders had to keep an eye on their customers so they didn't drink too much. The P was for the pints they were drinking that could turn into quarts or Q's. Later it evolved into minding your manners, i.e. especially remembering to say 'please and thank you' and 'excuse me'. It really isn't hard to be polite. But you must practice, practice, practice. It will come back if you make it a habit to be nice.....Thank you for reading my blog today and please come back another time and excuse me if I stepped on any toes with today's Blog.....Hugs and Mush and remember always that Gommy is pulling for you. It can only make the world a nicer place if we remember to be kinder and gentler with each other.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Original or Carbon Copy?
Hi bloggers! Hope everyone is having a won-differous day....or if that isn't the case, at least everyone is coping with the 'portions on their plates' of life.
Goms was thinking how so many people deem themselves to be 'original' in so many ways. The way they dress, the politics they have, their religious beliefs, etc. But in reality, we have been conditioned to be who we are and mostly become just copies of other people's ideas of what is in or what we should think, or how we should act.
Our behavior is the product of time and repetition. Take food for example. We have cravings and we don't really know where they come from. But if you want to change your cravings, for reasons of maintaing a healthier body, or you want to stop your craving for alcohol or drugs if they are a problem for you....then you must 'switch' your thought processes to rise above those cravings.
Gommy remembers being a little girl in Sunday School and afterwards the ladies always served the kids Kool-Aid and cookies. Now in Gommys' memory, that was the epitome' of a 5-Star meal at an expensive restaurant. To this day, Goms can't reproduce that taste no matter how hard I try. Goms can also remember chewing bubble-gum and drinking a bottled coke at the same time and getting that same wonderful taste sensation. Maybe it was because as children, we have zillions of taste buds and by the time we get on in age, they die off???? Oh well, the point I'm 'trying' to make is that the brain is conditioned to want that same experience that made us feel the way we did with the very 'first' taste of something. If we could just switch the thought process each time we want to dig into that jug of ice-cream and tell our brain that it is only the very first taste that is all that and a bag of chips! And then stop there.....Poof.....all those calories or the alcohol we were going to have or the drug of choice we should never do anyway, will lose it's allure.
But back to the being original or a carbon copy (geesh, that just shows us.....they don't even make CARBON copies any longer.....), being original has to be unconditioned. Think of when someone says they love you 'unconditionally'....what are they saying? They are saying that traditional love can change quickly into jealousy, boredom, or at the worst part of love.......betrayal. When we love 'unconditionally' we become aware of the person we love for who they are and not the trappings of the outside of the person and discover the inside (or the character or the deeper side of the person). We may know they have flaws, but we choose to overlook the flaws and love them unconditionally. We know that unconditional love exists....God fulfilled that promise for us. And in the end, what we all want in reality is to love unconditionally and to BE loved the same way.
Our politics and our religion are other examples of how we have been conditioned to believe. To be original, we must always have a healthy doubt about things and search out the right answers for ourselves. Gommy's religion is that I was raised a 'visitor'. Meaning I went to several different churches and even a Synagogue or two while growing up. And my parents politics were that they voted for whomever they felt would do the better job. Not because they were of the X, Y or Z party. Sooooo, it is easier for Goms to have a healthy doubt than for people who were raised in a dogmatic household where it was black OR white and no questions were asked about the validity of the household beliefs.
So, Goms advice for today is to take a softer approach to what you focus your attention on. Give yourself a break and realize that if you make a mistake, don't dwell on the 'sad story' of it and just move on.....when you eat a piece of cake....stop with the first bite.....enjoy the taste of it and tell yourself that eating the rest of the cake will just make you feel bad later on and you won't enjoy the rest of it anyway. Or don't take the first drink or whatever it is that is bad for you and that you don't want to continue with in your life, and picture the ending outcome of that poor decision.
Be originals boys and girls. Come up with your own thoughts about who you want to be, what you want to do and how you live your lives. If you are just going with the masses, you are NOT an original....you are a poor copy of other people and not being true to yourself. Goms is pulling for you....Hugs & Mush, Gommy
Goms was thinking how so many people deem themselves to be 'original' in so many ways. The way they dress, the politics they have, their religious beliefs, etc. But in reality, we have been conditioned to be who we are and mostly become just copies of other people's ideas of what is in or what we should think, or how we should act.
Our behavior is the product of time and repetition. Take food for example. We have cravings and we don't really know where they come from. But if you want to change your cravings, for reasons of maintaing a healthier body, or you want to stop your craving for alcohol or drugs if they are a problem for you....then you must 'switch' your thought processes to rise above those cravings.
Gommy remembers being a little girl in Sunday School and afterwards the ladies always served the kids Kool-Aid and cookies. Now in Gommys' memory, that was the epitome' of a 5-Star meal at an expensive restaurant. To this day, Goms can't reproduce that taste no matter how hard I try. Goms can also remember chewing bubble-gum and drinking a bottled coke at the same time and getting that same wonderful taste sensation. Maybe it was because as children, we have zillions of taste buds and by the time we get on in age, they die off???? Oh well, the point I'm 'trying' to make is that the brain is conditioned to want that same experience that made us feel the way we did with the very 'first' taste of something. If we could just switch the thought process each time we want to dig into that jug of ice-cream and tell our brain that it is only the very first taste that is all that and a bag of chips! And then stop there.....Poof.....all those calories or the alcohol we were going to have or the drug of choice we should never do anyway, will lose it's allure.
But back to the being original or a carbon copy (geesh, that just shows us.....they don't even make CARBON copies any longer.....), being original has to be unconditioned. Think of when someone says they love you 'unconditionally'....what are they saying? They are saying that traditional love can change quickly into jealousy, boredom, or at the worst part of love.......betrayal. When we love 'unconditionally' we become aware of the person we love for who they are and not the trappings of the outside of the person and discover the inside (or the character or the deeper side of the person). We may know they have flaws, but we choose to overlook the flaws and love them unconditionally. We know that unconditional love exists....God fulfilled that promise for us. And in the end, what we all want in reality is to love unconditionally and to BE loved the same way.
Our politics and our religion are other examples of how we have been conditioned to believe. To be original, we must always have a healthy doubt about things and search out the right answers for ourselves. Gommy's religion is that I was raised a 'visitor'. Meaning I went to several different churches and even a Synagogue or two while growing up. And my parents politics were that they voted for whomever they felt would do the better job. Not because they were of the X, Y or Z party. Sooooo, it is easier for Goms to have a healthy doubt than for people who were raised in a dogmatic household where it was black OR white and no questions were asked about the validity of the household beliefs.
So, Goms advice for today is to take a softer approach to what you focus your attention on. Give yourself a break and realize that if you make a mistake, don't dwell on the 'sad story' of it and just move on.....when you eat a piece of cake....stop with the first bite.....enjoy the taste of it and tell yourself that eating the rest of the cake will just make you feel bad later on and you won't enjoy the rest of it anyway. Or don't take the first drink or whatever it is that is bad for you and that you don't want to continue with in your life, and picture the ending outcome of that poor decision.
Be originals boys and girls. Come up with your own thoughts about who you want to be, what you want to do and how you live your lives. If you are just going with the masses, you are NOT an original....you are a poor copy of other people and not being true to yourself. Goms is pulling for you....Hugs & Mush, Gommy
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Parenting or Over Parenting...that is the question
It has been a week since Goms has blogged....but it had been a very a good week. Lots of time spent with great friends and family. Can't get much better than that.....
This week though, Goms wants to talk about the damage we can do to our children just by loving them too much. Yes, Goms said loving them TOO much. There comes a time when we, as parents, must face the stark reality that we can do our children a very big disservice when we 'over parent' them. Simply put, over parenting is not allowing your children to fail at ANYTHING. That may sound harsh, but if your child is never allowed to fail as they develop and when they are no longer receiving 'high-fives' for everything they do, they are in for a big surprise when they do finally grow up.
It seems that the children of today are protected from facing even the smallest of disappointments. Even in sports, there are no winners or losers any longer......just participants. The psychology behind that way of thinking is that the child's psyche may get bruised if they 'lose' at a game and their self-esteem will be harmed. Gommy thinks more than their psyche will get bruised if they don't know how to handle disappointments in life. They will get beaten up, eaten up and spit out by society if they can't handle rejection, disappointments and the bumps that will almost certainly come along the road of life.
Parents can start buffering the way for their child when they are quite young. For example, when your child is small, say 3 or 4 years old, and they want a certain ice-cream flavor.....then they don't want it once they get it.....THAT is a perfect time to teach them that although you realize that they aren't 'happy' with the flavor they chose, it is indeed a choice THEY made and the next time, they can be more careful about their 'choice'. Believe me, something as seemingly small as that scenario is enough to introduce the thought process of 'consequences for choices'. It directly affects them, so they will 'get it'...and the next time they will think about their choice more carefully.
The same goes for giving your child an allowance. If they have to buy what they want with their own money, they will be much more selective than when mom or dad is forking over the moolah. And don't supplement them with more money if what they want is more than their allowance. They should 'save up' for what they want and they will treasure it more......What a concept!!!!! Parents, Gommy promises these small ways you teach your little ones will help them when they are older and they can be making much more serious mistakes with the choices they make as teens.
As children are growing and developing, parents should be there to guide their children in the right direction and be observers of how they are handling situations, choices, their frienships and how they react to different circumstances. The children must be allowed to think for themselves or they will never know how to think or solve problems when mommy and daddy are no longer around. Some parents are the type to jump in between any little spat their child may be having with another child. They should instead allow their child to solve their differences themselves. Tattling is a way that little children try to draw in their parents to their little spats. When they realize that the parent isn't going to be the 'referee', they lose interest in being a tattletale. Tattling carries over into adulthood for some people. If they enjoyed the attention they received by tattling and the drama that they could initiate, they will continue to be the sort of adult who continually 'stirs the pot' in their families, their work place and everywhere they go. We end up working with or working FOR these people sometimes, or heaven forbid, marrying this same sort of person!!!!
When our children are older we should really BACK-OFF from being the 'safety net' for our children. If the parent is always getting their child out of trouble or covering up for their child's lack of 'follow-through' with their schoolwork, their jobs or any of the other responsibilities they have, the child will always lack the skills to act in a mature and responsible manner. This is a major problem when the child is making harmful decisions like drugs, drinking and driving, getting speeding tickets, etc..... When a parents' child is caught doing something horrific, they sometimes want to cover it up and get the child out of the predicament. The parent feels they have failed and this puts the spotlight directly on their parenting or lack thereof, and they don't want to be embarassed. Gommy wants to tell you right now that embarassment is the least of your problems......the agony and guilt of realizing that your child was not given the correct guidance to know how to handle themselves is much more traumatic. So, let them know you will not back them up if they make wrong choices. You will not be their safety net....you love them too much to let them ruin their lives with poor choices. Oh....and let Gommy add that they will continue to love you if you act as a parent and not as a friend. Sometimes, they are even begging for some perameters and guidance......
There is nothing more satisfying than to see your child grow into a capable, happy adult who is raising their own family in a way that will assure another generation of fine, upstanding adults for the future of us all.
Soooooooooooooo, Gommy's advice for parents today is to let your child make little mistakes and let them figure out for themselves how to make better choices the next time they are faced with a problem. Steer your children in the right direction and guide them along lifes' pathway while they are young and impressionable.....it is too late when they are older and can become careless or even defiant about their life choices. You are only hurting them in the grand scheme of things by over parenting and over protecting them. Don't wait until the problems you will have to cover up are very big fiascoes or can cause the unthinkable for any parent....the death of their child from a poor decision they have made!!!! Good luck out there to all you mommys and daddys. Gommy is pulling for you. Hugs and Mush, Gommy
This week though, Goms wants to talk about the damage we can do to our children just by loving them too much. Yes, Goms said loving them TOO much. There comes a time when we, as parents, must face the stark reality that we can do our children a very big disservice when we 'over parent' them. Simply put, over parenting is not allowing your children to fail at ANYTHING. That may sound harsh, but if your child is never allowed to fail as they develop and when they are no longer receiving 'high-fives' for everything they do, they are in for a big surprise when they do finally grow up.
It seems that the children of today are protected from facing even the smallest of disappointments. Even in sports, there are no winners or losers any longer......just participants. The psychology behind that way of thinking is that the child's psyche may get bruised if they 'lose' at a game and their self-esteem will be harmed. Gommy thinks more than their psyche will get bruised if they don't know how to handle disappointments in life. They will get beaten up, eaten up and spit out by society if they can't handle rejection, disappointments and the bumps that will almost certainly come along the road of life.
Parents can start buffering the way for their child when they are quite young. For example, when your child is small, say 3 or 4 years old, and they want a certain ice-cream flavor.....then they don't want it once they get it.....THAT is a perfect time to teach them that although you realize that they aren't 'happy' with the flavor they chose, it is indeed a choice THEY made and the next time, they can be more careful about their 'choice'. Believe me, something as seemingly small as that scenario is enough to introduce the thought process of 'consequences for choices'. It directly affects them, so they will 'get it'...and the next time they will think about their choice more carefully.
The same goes for giving your child an allowance. If they have to buy what they want with their own money, they will be much more selective than when mom or dad is forking over the moolah. And don't supplement them with more money if what they want is more than their allowance. They should 'save up' for what they want and they will treasure it more......What a concept!!!!! Parents, Gommy promises these small ways you teach your little ones will help them when they are older and they can be making much more serious mistakes with the choices they make as teens.
As children are growing and developing, parents should be there to guide their children in the right direction and be observers of how they are handling situations, choices, their frienships and how they react to different circumstances. The children must be allowed to think for themselves or they will never know how to think or solve problems when mommy and daddy are no longer around. Some parents are the type to jump in between any little spat their child may be having with another child. They should instead allow their child to solve their differences themselves. Tattling is a way that little children try to draw in their parents to their little spats. When they realize that the parent isn't going to be the 'referee', they lose interest in being a tattletale. Tattling carries over into adulthood for some people. If they enjoyed the attention they received by tattling and the drama that they could initiate, they will continue to be the sort of adult who continually 'stirs the pot' in their families, their work place and everywhere they go. We end up working with or working FOR these people sometimes, or heaven forbid, marrying this same sort of person!!!!
When our children are older we should really BACK-OFF from being the 'safety net' for our children. If the parent is always getting their child out of trouble or covering up for their child's lack of 'follow-through' with their schoolwork, their jobs or any of the other responsibilities they have, the child will always lack the skills to act in a mature and responsible manner. This is a major problem when the child is making harmful decisions like drugs, drinking and driving, getting speeding tickets, etc..... When a parents' child is caught doing something horrific, they sometimes want to cover it up and get the child out of the predicament. The parent feels they have failed and this puts the spotlight directly on their parenting or lack thereof, and they don't want to be embarassed. Gommy wants to tell you right now that embarassment is the least of your problems......the agony and guilt of realizing that your child was not given the correct guidance to know how to handle themselves is much more traumatic. So, let them know you will not back them up if they make wrong choices. You will not be their safety net....you love them too much to let them ruin their lives with poor choices. Oh....and let Gommy add that they will continue to love you if you act as a parent and not as a friend. Sometimes, they are even begging for some perameters and guidance......
There is nothing more satisfying than to see your child grow into a capable, happy adult who is raising their own family in a way that will assure another generation of fine, upstanding adults for the future of us all.
Soooooooooooooo, Gommy's advice for parents today is to let your child make little mistakes and let them figure out for themselves how to make better choices the next time they are faced with a problem. Steer your children in the right direction and guide them along lifes' pathway while they are young and impressionable.....it is too late when they are older and can become careless or even defiant about their life choices. You are only hurting them in the grand scheme of things by over parenting and over protecting them. Don't wait until the problems you will have to cover up are very big fiascoes or can cause the unthinkable for any parent....the death of their child from a poor decision they have made!!!! Good luck out there to all you mommys and daddys. Gommy is pulling for you. Hugs and Mush, Gommy
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