Causes of Suffering

Hello boys and girls....Happy Sunday and isn't it another glorious day to be grateful? Gommy was recently studying up on how to 'lighten up' and began reading some thoughts by the 15th century philosopher Rodante.....oops, did I say lighten up????? Anywho, it seems we have to understand where our suffering comes from before we can address it...Now, before we go on....if anyone out there in blogland knows Gommy and starts thinking, "Is this about me?"...the answer is NO....Gommy does have some issues of her own that she would like to 'clean up'.....Goms isn't perfect you know....(I didn't mean to shock anyone out there in Etherland....LOL)

So, on to finding out what causes suffering. And this is not the kind of suffering we feel when we lose a loved one. This is the self-inflicted suffering most of us have to endure because we don't realize we are the very ones inflicting it upon ourselves. Renowned inspirational speaker Dr. Deepak Chopra says there are five causes of suffering; 1) Ignorance of reality 2) Clinging to the transient (i.e. impermanence) 3) Fear of the transient (aka change) 4) Identifying with the fraud of the ego (lying to ourselves ABOUT ourselves), and 5) Fear of Death.

If we want to start the process of awakening our consciousness so we can begin to undo some of the suffering we cause in our psyche, begin by sitting quietly and ask your heart (metaphorically speaking), "Who am I?"...then wait, but don't try to answer....then ask, "what do I want out of life?"....then wait again, but do not try to answer....then ask yourself, "What is my purpose for being?"...again, wait but don't answer. After doing this for a time, situations, people, circumstances, relationships and events will show up in your life to answer your questions. This is just the way consciousness is set up. But you have to notice the answers when they do appear. Most people ignore the signs or the feelings we get about a question we have.

Another interesting thing about humans, is that we have opposite values in us, like the opposite values of the Universe. There cannot be light without darkness....there cannot be good without the contrast of evil....or rainbows without rain, generosity without stinginess...and on and on and on. The dynamic speaker on problem personalities, Dr. Simon, says all humans have within them, all of the aspects of the spectrum but we choose to deny the ones we dislike. From early on in our lives, we realize that when we display our nicer qualities, such as kindness, generosity, happiness, humor, etc., we receive adulation from showing those good qualities. We, therefore, try to hide the darker side of 'us' and hope no one discovers that side. Showing only the good side of ourselves is our 'Social Mask'. But after a time, we eventually do show the unpleasant side because it is impossible to keep it bottled up inside forever. This is sometimes evident with politicians or religious people who profess to 'hate' a certain social behavior and are the very first ones to cast stones....then one day, they themselves are proven to do the exact same thing they were criticizing. This is because when we don't own and embrace our darker side, we tend to try and lock it away in hopes it will stay hidden from us and the world around us. But guess what? You can't hide a part of you forever. In time, it will come out and end up manifesting in self-destructive behavior. Just like the politicians and clergy that seemingly 'shoot themselves in the foot'. We all have both sides in our personalities and if we come to terms with the parts we don't like, it will be much easier to live with ourselves.

Think of the people you respond to either positively or negatively in a strong emotional way. Those people that you love and those that you hate are actually both mirrors of yourself, (er... ourselves.) When you look in the mirror and see someone you love, that is what you want to see. But when you look in the mirror of the person you don't like, you project it outward rather than accepting it internally. So, if you really want to uncover the 'shadow you' you must ask yourself, when you are reacting strongly against someone, "What is it about that person which is really reflecting back something about myself that I don't like?" At first, you will say there is nothing about that person that is like you. But if you look deeper, you will usually realize there is some part of you that is resonating with that person. When you can own and embrace that knowledge, you will find that you will become less reactive when you are with that person. For example, if someone is late all the time and you are always punctual, your 'shadow self' is probably fearful of becoming tardy and late all the time. But then your 'shadow self' is screaming, "Let me out! That isn't fair....how do they get away with that and I can't?"

If you want to change a trait about yourself, you must find out when and how that trait started. Our traits began at some level to protect us from something that happened in our life at one time. You must then ask yourself if that trait is still serving any purpose in your life any longer. If not, how can you express that emotion in another way, without making everyone around you think you are always late.....or pushy, or caustic, or cynical or stingy or whatever trait that it is that you wish you could change.

We could all probably use an overhaul and dump a lot of the 'unnecessary traits' that we don't like about ourselves and we don't need any longer. This is work boys and girls....but it is work that may just allow you to 'lighten up' sooner rather than later.....Good luck....Goms has some excess baggage to examine!!! Have a great week everyone!!! Hugs & Mush-Gommy

Pre-Thanksgiving Thanks

Hi boys and girls....this week, a friend of Gommys' asked if Goms could put a reason to be thankful on my Facebook status every day, leading up to Thanksgiving Day. She said it would get harder each day, but Goms has found it to be pretty easy. Gommy has soooooo many things to be thankful for that it would take many years of days leading up to Thanksgivings until Goms isn't here any longer to say how thankful I am.

Believe it or not, growing older is one thing that Gommy is thankful for. Growing older is such a gift because although our physical eyesight may worsen, our spiritual eyesight becomes 20/20. We actually do become so much more thankful for so many things in our lives. We can see things much more clearly than when we were young. We are so much more comfortable in our own skin than when we were young (plus, there is alot more skin to be comfortable in, LOL). When we are young, we thought it was the end of the world if we broke up with someone. But when we get older.....we realize that we can't even remember how they looked or what their name was in some instances....When we are young parents, we think we are 'breaking' our kids or ruining them for life....but when we get older we see that everyone makes mistakes with their kids and they aren't really broken or ruined after all. When we are young, we think life is too boring, or too busy or too chaotic or too........but when we get older, we realize those were the 'best' years with our children. Those were the years our children still wanted to be with us, sleep WITH us, take care of them..... We see all of these things crystal clearly as we age. It is really a shame that we can't have a glimpse into the future when it would really help us deal with what we are dealing with on a daily basis as young adults and parents.

There is a quote that says, "If you knew who walks beside you at all times, on this path that YOU have chosen, you could never experience doubt or fear again." (sic) What that means is that we are trying too hard to manage the details of our lives and the details are occupying too much of our intentions.

Intention is another meaningful word. There was a man named Carlos Castaneda, who was born in Peru in 1925. He was an anthropologist, author and a philosopher who said, "In the Universe, there is an unmeasurable and indescribable Force which those who live 'of the source', is called intention. And that absolutely everything that exists in the entire cosmos is attached to 'intent' by a connecting link." Goms thinks he meant that everything in the Universe that 'is' or is happening is meant to happen, so we should surrender when things are seemingly falling apart because we aren't really in control, that by 'letting go' and 'going with the flow', we can take it a bit easier. Now, that doesn't mean to give up.....Just like the American Indian quote goes....."Pray to God, but row away from the rocks."....we can't just idly walk in front of oncoming traffic and say, "Oh well, it was intended to be." The connecting link thingy means to Gommy that we are interconnected in ways that we don't even realize. Like, did you ever think why you clicked onto 'gommysgoodies' today? Maybe you were supposed to learn some 'lesson' from reading my blog today.

We can also intend to heal ourselves....now don't get scared away here.....Goms isn't some woo-woo self-professed 'Faith Healer'. But if you think about our bodies, our body is meant to heal itself....don't think so? Have you ever thought why a scratch gets covered over by a scab? Or how does that nagging cough from our colds finally go away? Or why do we get low-grade fevers, (in case you really don't know that one..... some low-grade fevers actually kill off bacteria in our body to fight infection and allow us to heal.) So there.......we are meant to "Heal Thyself"....to coin a phrase...LOL

So, now on to the next step. If you intend for something to happen (manifest) in your life, you must attempt to manifest what you want with 'passion'. Passion is when you are really serious about what you want in your life. Without passion, Wayne Dyer says it is,"like dressing up a corpse." Pretty futile right? Or like my Mom used to say...."You are all dressed up with no place to go." You have to be passionate about what you want to have it manifest. Gommy is absolutely, positively and unabashedly sure that Grandpa Mike and Goms is back in Florida to live because Goms was passionate about wanting to live back here. There were no signs that it could EVER happen a little over a year ago with the circumstances we were facing.....but voile'...here we are! Living proof....and there were many who thought Goms was a bit woo-woo when I just knew it would happen......ta-daaaa!

So, everyone out there in blogland.....think of things you have to be grateful for and be passionate about the things you desire. Then and only then will they manifest....Toodle- ooooo and good luck - Hugs & Mush, Gommys

What You Resist - Persists!

Hello out there in blog land....This morning Goms got up and started watching some morning TV. There were some ads for the upcoming holidays that make you feel all warm and fuzzy just thinking about how wonderful the holidays are and how fast they are approaching. Then there was the segment where they show the people outside in the crowd and they were waving flags today for Veterans Day. Then the news started and the first segment was about the Presidents' 'War Council'.................EKEEEEE!!!!! Now, this is in no way a political piece. Goms is for everyone believing the way they feel they want. This is just Goms wondering how we seamlessly go from happy thoughts of the approaching holidays to nonchalantly discussing the'progress'of the war so easily. Are we, as a people, so desensitized to killing that we just accept any information or content that is offered to us?

This really goes back to what Goms has said before in other blogs. 'What we resist-persists....'Ever heard of the 'war on crime?'....'the war on poverty?'....the war on aids?'...the 'war on war?"How is that working out boys and girls? Not so well, is it? Goms thinks the administration should form a 'Council on Peace'.....This is not to say that the present administration is the only administration to have had a 'war council'.....they have been around a long time. DUH...about as long as there were wars for our young people to fight. Strangely, this does goes hand in hand with being grateful to all of our service members in the military and all of the past Veterans who have fought for our freedoms. Thank you one and all. But..........Goms thinks it is about time we start thinking of ways to avoid wars and ways to get out of wars.

Goms is from the generation that marched against the war....(er insisted) 'we' (the USA) get out of Viet Nam. I have to give it to my generation for having the insight and wherewith all to say "ENOUGH ALREADY!" Anyone with any intelligence (the US Intelligence Department included) should realize that we are NEVER going to force the people in those far away lands to think the way we do.....So Goms says, let them have their own culture and their own way of thinking how they should live. We have plenty to clean up in our own backyards don't we? Until all the homeless people in our cities and the children of the lower end of the income bracket in our own country have a decent place to live and food to eat, we should just clean up our own act before we tell other lands how to live. Ya' think?????

Well, thanks again Veterans and all of our military. We are proud of you and grateful for your service. Maybe some day, our military will just be used to protect us from intruders(not foreigners who come to us legally) into our own country. Wouldn't that be nice? If anyone is off today for Veterans' Day...........enjoy. Everyone else, still enjoy your day. Hugs & Mush - Gommy

Quotes from American Indians

Gommy was thinking of something to write for this Sunday and while looking up different things, I came upon some quotations from American Indians. They are so poignant that Goms will not even attempt to say anything about them. If you have the time and the inclination, just read them and then re-read them.....I promise you will get much wisdom from their wisdom.....
ENJOY! They are as follows:

It is less of a problem to be poor, than to be dishonest.

Walk lightly in the spring; Mother Earth is pregnant.

Force, no matter how concealed, begets resistance.

When a man moves away from nature, his heart becomes hard.

Seek wisdom, not knowledge. Knowledge is of the past, Wisdom is of the future.

Pray to understand what man has forgotten.

If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies in yourself.

The soul would have no rainbow if the eyes had no tears.

You cannot wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.

Words are like arrows: once released, they strike their mark.
Guard them well or one day you may be your own victim. (sic)

White men have too many chiefs.

Every animal knows more than you do.

Talk to your children while they are eating; what you say will stay even after you are gone.

The coward shoots with eyes shut.

It is easy to be brave from a distance.

Cherish youth, but trust old age.

The frog does not drink up the pond in which he lives.

They are not dead who live in the hearts they leave behind.

If we wonder often, the gift of knowledge will come.

Don't let yesterday use up too much of today.

When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced.
Live your life so that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice.

Do not judge your neighbor until you walk two moons in his moccasins.

We will be known forever by the tracks we leave.

Wisdom comes only when you stop looking for it and start living the life the Creator intended for you.

One finger cannot lift a pebble.

A brave man dies but once, a coward many times.

And one that is ONE of my favorites: "Pray to God.....but steer away from the rocks."

And the final one is not by an American Indian but by Jorges Luis Borges. Goms just felt it was very thought provoking.....it is; "Don't talk unless you can improve the silence."

That's it for this Sunday boys and girls. I hope you got as much from these wise words as Goms did.....Have a Blessed day....Hugs & Mush - Goms ((*.*))

May I Help YOU?

Gommy had the opportunity to speak with someone this week who was going through a 'bad patch' in his life. He is an AA member and had been doing very well for the past ten or so months. He had worked his way though a program and was almost finished and he had also worked his way up to managing a department where he worked. He was 'intent' on doing well and staying sober............then in just one unfortunate momemt...........poof.......it was all gone.....Back to 'Square One'. That got Gommy to wondering why some of us 'shoot ourselves in the foot', when it would appear that what we really want is to be happy. When Goms started really thinking about it further.........it became clear that he had been darker and quieter than usual the last few times Goms saw and spoke with him. There were 'red flags' that Goms should have noticed but in my 'Bob and Weave' mentality of not getting anything on me....I mistakenly overlooked the signs that may have helped him 'run off the road' (of life that is).

We all have times that we feel sorry for ourselves...'self-pity' is just the ego getting in our way. The ego is a cover-up for self-pity. The more egotistical and puffed-up you are, the more you are feeling sorry for yourself that things aren't the way you wish they were and you make yourself more important than you are (in your own mind anyway). There is a saying by the Native American Indians Ojibwe that goes, "Now and then I go about pitying myself and all the while my soul is being blown by great winds across the sky."


This ties in to feeling so sorry for ourselves that we cause ourselves actual pain. I told my friend that he would have to go back to a time in his life that someone made him feel he was worthless.....or made him feel very insecure about himself. Then he would have to retrain himself to stop the 'monkey-talk' he tells himself all the time to change his perspective of himself. What you have to do to retrain yourself is when the 'self-hate talk' starts in your head is to step outside of yourself and observe "IT" and say to "IT" ...."There goes my brain....misfiring again....SHUT-UP!" Then, switch that emotion immediately and think of something very pleasant that made you feel happy or fulfilling like your childs' sweet face, a time you fell in love and what that feeling felt like, or an accomplishment that made you feel very fulfilled....That is how you break the egos' ability to make you do something foolish that will bring you back to being unhappy and doing something that makes you 'shoot yourself in the foot'.


You must have a respectful awareness of your actions and responses to adverse situations. Don't let your ego distract you from doing what makes you feel good. Be respectful to yourself! You deserve to be happy. Disconnect from your 'monkey-talk' the moment it starts. If we were all as respectful to ourselves and our spouses or significant others as we were to strangers....WOW....wouldn't that be nice????? We can do it. Just think before you respond to a negative event or argument. Let your spouse or S.O. let off steam when they are tired or upset about something. Remember that you are just a sounding board to their aggravation and if you just listen and do not respond.....they will usually just fizzle out and realize they are treating you unjustly and will feel sorry for it and apologize....maybe not right that minute, but later on if they are at all aware of their surroundings. If you are with a jerk............never mind.....((*o*)).....But like another Native American saying goes, "No tree has branches so foolish as to fight among themselves." Meaning, it is fruitless to fight when we are supposed to be 'one'....right?


So, if anyone out there in blogland is going through a rough patch.......Goms hopes this may have helped you in some way. Have a great day guys....Goms is going for a walk on the beach and have some more aha moments for myself to enjoy!!!! Hugs and Mush.....

Happy Birthday Mother

Yesterday was my husbands' (Grandpa Mike) mother's 85th birthday and we were fortunate enough to get to visit with her in Cocoa Beach with Grandpa Mikes' sister Cathy and her husband Rick. Mary Anne (Grandpas' Mom who the family calls 'Nana') has been feeling poorly lately and it was so good to be able to visit with her and Susan (Grandpa's sister who lives with Nana). We are finally all in the same state and even though we live a distance from each other, it's easier to visit more often now that Grandpa and Gommy have moved back 'home'.

Nana wasn't feeling much like doing or going anywhere for her birthday but we talked her into trying to spend the night in the motel-resort right across the street from where they live. It was a suite of two bedrooms, two bathrooms, a dining room and living room. This made it easier for all of us to be in the same building so we could eat a birthday dinner with Nana and have birthday dessert together. We explained that if Nana didn't feel up to it, we would bring her right back to her home after we ate dinner and celebrated with cheesecake (Nanas' favorite dessert) and coconut cake (Cathys' favorite dessert) instead of birthday cake.

The resort was right on the beach and we sat on the balcony and talked about old times and different memories each of the siblings remembered and just enjoyed the 'full moon', the sounds of the ocean, the sweet salty smell of the wind and watching the resort cats scurry below looking for something to eat...... and just plain enjoying each others company. It seems that most people don't do that anymore. If there isn't a TV on, they don't know how to interact with each other. We talked of Grandaddy Billy and how we missed him since he died. And we swore we could all see his face in the big full moon and felt he was with us, celebrating Nanas' day.

I told Nana that I had been thinking, while we were driving up to see her earlier in the day, that I am now just about the age she was when I first met her. Boy....where does the time go? It makes you appreciate your agility, good health and all around quality of life when you realize how quickly we do age.

We have so many good memories of times spent together for special occasions like birthdays and holidays. But it is never quite the same when your parents are no longer around to celebrate those times with you. They are the glue that holds families together and when they are gone.........the siblings and extended family just seem to drift apart like a boat that has become un-moored from a dock.

Gommy would like to thank Nana and Grandaddy for the many happy memories over the past twenty-five years. We had some really good times and those memories are a treasure. They never missed a birthday, graduation, christening, holiday or any other special occasion, even if their child lived in another state. They made the trek and their being there added to the specialness of the day.

So, here's to Nana (and Grandaddy, wherever you are)......you are loved very much and we thank you from the bottom of our hearts for everything you have done for us and all that you are.

Gommy would also like to thank Susan (Grandpa Mikes' sister) for being such a wonderful daughter to Nana and Grandaddy all these years. Susan has always lived with Nana and Grandaddy and she is a remarkable woman. We love you too Susan.....thank you.

Everyone who still has their parents for this upcoming holiday season should say a special thank you that they are blessed with the opportunity to still have their parents with them. May you enjoy your upcoming holidays and recall all the holidays gone by and tell your Mom or Dad how much you appreciate all they did for you. Now that you have a family yourself, you can see what it entails to make everything 'seem' to go seamlessly......Not so easy is it? When we were children and young adults, we took everything our parents did for us for granted and didn't even think of the sacrifices they made for us so that we could have a nice childhood. As we have families and children of our own, we become very aware just how hard it can be to raise a family and we find that we are now the ones doing the sacrificing......So take a minute to think about all you have to be grateful to your parents for and give them a little 'thank-you' some time......They will appreciate it. Gommy loves how my Tracey tells me how much she appreciates me. That is really all we as parents really live for now anyway, isn't it?

Toodle-oooo boys and girls in blogland. See you next time- Hugs, Gommy

Ode to Terry and Tiffany

Today is seventeen years since my beautiful Terry Alan Pribisco and Tiffany Ann Pribisco were taken from us in a car accident. The loss is too profound to try to explain in words, so as their mother, if you will allow me, I will merely share some wonderful memories I have of them and of our brief, but awesome time together.

Terry was my first-born and a very social and busy boy. He even started walking early (around ten-months old) and he never slowed down after that. Gommy was a young mom in today's estimation (22). There are pros and cons to having your children while you are still relatively young, but Goms is happy she did have her children so young so I am now able to enjoy and still have a viable relationship with my grandchildren, i.e. having the stamina to chase after them and even the ability to pick them up. And now Terry's children are 18 & 17 and Goms can still relate to them (well, sort of) in their teen and young adult years.

Terry was a beautiful child and he grew up to be a very handsome hunk of a man....I know I am prejudiced, but several people over the years have told me the same thing so it can't be all bias. Terry had an incredible sense of humor and I miss sharing so many belly laughs with him on so many levels. Terry was a hunter when he was a young boy, just as his father was. His father Terry, taught hm how to use a shot-gun (for hunting purposes) at the early age of eight and when he turned ten, big Terry (that's how we differentiated between them) bought him his first 410-gauge shotgun. We lived in a small rural town in southwest Florida and it allowed Little Terry (L.T.) to hunt at his leisure....He would bring home quail, dove, squirrel and other critters he had killed and ask me to cook them for him. Of course I did, because I didn't want to encourage him to kill just for the sake of killing. Goms never ate any of the game he shot because I didn't grow up in a hunting family and never acquired the taste for it. Everyone used to tell me that the game they killed tasted just like chicken and Goms always answered, "I'll just have the chicken then!" Terry had quite an arsenal of guns in his lifetime. My mother (Grandma Katie) even bought him two Civil War Calvary guns for his collection. Big Terry was quite a hunter himself and all of his guns went to L.T. when he died in a car accident nines years before Terry and Tiff died. Terry was only 12 years old at the time, Tracey was 11 and Tiffany was 8.

Terry had a kind heart and was very protective of me as his Mom. While growing up, Terry was the kind of child that never talked back to me. He did, however, still do what he intended to do if it mattered enough to him....What is that called in psychological terms? Passive-aggressive. Whatever it was, it sure made it easier to be his parent because we didn't have any screaming meemie fights. Just the repercussions of what he decided to end up doing. Mostly, the things he did were just tolerable things that teens do that their parent would rather they didn't. All in all, Terry really was a good kid.

When Terry graduated from high-school, he decided on his own, to go into the Army. As his mother, I worried that he was going to have to endure quite a bit of verbal abuse from his Sgts. Goms worried for nothing because Terry excelled beyond any wildest imaginations. He not only became a memer of the 82nd Airborne Division of the Army, as an ace paratrooper, he later went on to become a decorated member of the esteemed Airborne Ranger division of the Army. Little Terry's gun expertise was rather impressive and by the time he did make it to Army Airborne Ranger, he had earned several certificates as a 'sharpshooter'. I guess that 410 shotgun his Dad gave him as a kid was just the beginning. And by the way, Little Terry turned to be a gorgeous 6ft. 2in specimen of a man. His nickname in the Army was "Biscuit". You always get a nickname in the Army and because his last name was Pribisco.....you get it?.....Nabisco? "Biscuit" is what his buddies called him and that is what he called his son when he was born.

Terry was not afraid of anything. He even raced motorcycles in his leathers (pink ones at that) at break-neck speeds around a track. I saw him once doing a wheelie on University Drive ( a very busy street in South Florida) and I almost had a heart attack. But, that was my boy! Fearless was his middle name. The wheelie incident would be a good example of him doing something a parent would rather he didn't.

When Terry became a father himself, you would have thought he invented 'fatherhood'. He carried his son, Terry III, around as if he were the 'Hope Diamond'. You could actually see the love oozing out of his every pore for his son. He was soooo very proud of his little boy. Sadly, Terry never got to see his amazing and beautiful daughter Megan. She was born three days before he died. He and Tiffany were actually on the way over to see her when the crash happened. The officer told me that there were several baby gifts and a stroller strewn all over the accident site. I know Terry would have oozed that same love for his baby girl as well, if he had ever been given the opportunity to see her.

Terry was very accomplished for his young years. By the time he died at twenty-two, he had become a paratrooper in the Army, had dropped down over Saudi Arabia and other Middle East targets and he was chosen (because of his elite training) to be a guard at the DMZ in Korea. When he eventually became an Airborne Ranger, (one of the most elite branches of the Army in training and endurance) he wore the beret, wings and tattoos with the pride they demanded. As I went through his belongings, I found several honors and letters of mention of his bravery and accomplishments. He had never mentioned any of this to me (or his sisters as far as I know). Terry just wasn't a braggart. I have since been contacted by some of his Army buds who have espoused Terrys' great character to me. They have told me that Terry was a friend and a man of honor and they felt their lives were made all the better for knowing him. There can be no higher accolade in the world for a mother to hear about her child. I love you Terry and always will....you are missed every day of my life, more than any words could ever say and you will always have a special place in my heart.

Now for my sweet, wonderful, amazing Tiffany. Tiffany was as beautiful on the inside as she was on the outside... and she was a very beautiful girl. Tiffany was only 17 when she died but she was an 'old soul'. I always said she was old beyond her years. It was almost as if she had been here several times in many other lifetimes and had just gotten better each time. I take comfort in thinking that she was just 'finished' here on earth and it was her time to go. She couldn't improve any more than she had....so why stick around?

Just as an example of how special Tiff was.....I still get cards and gifts on Tiff's birthday and on the anniversary of her death. Her high-school art teacher, Ms. Carla Stiles, has never forgotten one year since Tiff died, to send me a card and a little something to let me know she misses and still loves Tiff to this day.

Tiff was the kind of person who lit up a room. She had a smile that was infectious. She taught me to never keep a compliment to myself....meaning that if someone looks especially nice, or is wearing something flattering, or their hair looks pretty....tell them. She always did that herself and it made me realize how one little compliment may just 'make the day' for the person you are saying something nice to. We can learn from our children as well they learn from us.

Tiffany was very vocal and animated (her Dad fondly called her "Jabber-Jaw' when she was little). Tiff had her own distinct style about her at a very young age and she was always 'put together' very well. Tiff loved clothes and shoes, as do many teens, but Tiff just seemed to know how to put it all together just right. She could do things with her hair that even I couldn't do....and I am a licensed hair dresser! While she was still in high-school, Tiff decided to go to nail tech school. That wasn't her chosen profession, she just wanted to make some good money while she was still in school. So, on her own, she did indeed go to nail school, got her license and went to work in a salon. With her artistic talents, she could paint the most beautiful and smallest artwork on the nail bed of patrons that you could ever imagine. With her personality, she had many clients who requested just her and they all loved her. One Christmas, she painted Christmas lights on each of my ten nails and they looked as if they were connected by little electric wires from one nail to the next. Another time, she painted Minnie Mouse on one of my nails and the likeness was amazing. She even painted on the little polka dots on Minnie's dress! She made much more money at her job than she would have slinging burgers somewhere. Tiff would have been graduating with honors from South Broward High School in just a few months when the accident happened. The school even gave me her diploma, posthumously, at a special awards ceremony and there as a whole section dedicated to Tiffany in the school yearbook.

Even after 17 years, people still share wonderful stories with me about Tiffany. People have reached out to me that I don't even know that knew Tiff. They relate wonderful times they had with Tiff. As her Mom, I already know how great she was, but it is always special to hear. One friend told me she still keeps a picture of Tiffany in her house and has told her own daughter how special Tiffany was. It can be very frustrating to speak with someone who didn't know Terry or Tiff because words can't describe what awesome people they were.

When Tiff was only about 4 years old...the song "You Light Up My Life", by Debbie Boone was popular and Tiff would put on her pink chiffon nighty and pretend it was a ball-gown and use her "Mr. Microphone" and belt out the song....and she was pretty darn good too. I heard that song not too long ago come on the radio while I was driving and I had to pull over to the side of the road because it made me so emotional and it brought me right back to that sweet little voice singing to her Mommy and anyone else in the 'playroom' who would listen. You could very well say that Tiff surely did 'Light Up My Life'. I love you 'Spiffy Tiffy'. Always have.....always will!

So, one might ask...why would two such awesome people have been taken from us? I have asked myself that so many times over this 17 years that I can't even count the times. Losing them has made me search in ways I never would have searched for answers before. By search I mean for more meaning in my life and meaning in life in general. I have wondered over the years how a beautiful soul such as Terry could have done all the daring and dangerous things he did in his 22 years, just to die in a Honda Prelude. And I have asked the same question about sweet Tiff....why a kind, sweet, smart and generous girl could be snatched from us before she had a chance to do all the wonderful things I know she would have done in her life. But, like I have said before....they must have just been finished here. There wasn't much more they could have improved on. But as I have also said so many times before.....I am grateful and feel honored to have had the privilege of being their mother. But I have to admit that I do feel their loss is like the 'phantom limb sensation', where when a limb has been amputated from you, but you still feel it is a part of you. Terry and Tiff many have been 'amputated' from my life.....but they will always be a part of me. And if anyone wonders if I would give up having Terry and Tiffany in my life so I didn't have to go through the hurt of losing them.....the answer is a resounding ..NO WAY! You see, I remember every wonderful moment I ever spent with them and I cherish those memories and I will for as long as I live.

So, thank you to all my readers out there in blogland for allowing a mother to sing the praises of two very wonderful children. It has been too long since I have enjoyed this sort of bragging about my sweet Terry and Tiffany...And this would be a very good time to remind you all to kiss your own babies and hold them tight. We only have them for a very short time as it is....and when they are taken from us too soon, it leaves an empty place in your heart forever. So, make sure you savor every second you get with your own children because we only get a precious but slender sliver of time with them and remember this wise and heartfelt advice from Gommy....

DON'T BLINK!!! Bless you all and your families as well....Hugs & Mush, Gommy