Beyond Judgement

Gommy is enjoying another glorious Sunday. Thank you God. This Sunday started at 5:30am for Gommy..........I know! Gommys' internal clock just works that way....but at first stirrings, the thoughts of my blog filled my head. What to write about today??? 'Judgement' came to the forefront of my thinking and that is what 'Gommys Goodies' is about today.

Gommy heard somewhere that there are only three types of behaviors; nice, nasty and indifferent. When you think about it, by golly, that is correct! Try to think of people you know and try to give other types of behavior to them and you will see for yourself that anyone you can think of will actually fall into one of these three categories. I know! I tried myself.....

We don't usually give much thought to the nice people we know. And that is a terrible oversight because they are the ones we should focus on.....but for some unknown human response 'thingy' (a very technical Gommy term), we do focus on the nasty or the indifferent people we come across.

As we tend to focus on the nasty or indifferent people we know, we are usually measuring how they feel about us or their opinion of us. And that is absurd because in reality WHO CARES what they think or feel about us? Gommy only cares about the opinion of those who Gommy admires or loves or cares about in life.

If you ARE one of the nasty or indifferent people (but sadly, don't often admit to being) who do judge others all the time, you need to work on that. Try to get beyond the judging and find that small place just before the judging begins and your response to your judgement takes affect. THAT is the place to start. Start what? Start stopping.....Stop judging and start just witnessing. By that Gommy means you can 'witness' someone or something and just process it without judging because you have no idea how that person or their behavior manifested. Go beyond judgement to witnessing and then finally to acceptance. The acceptance that it is really none of your business how someone decides to live their life. You know the Bible parable about 'the splinter in your brothers' eye and the log in your own'? (sic)

Some of the greatest 'seers' in life went beyond judgement and just witnessed. Most of us have heard or read the great poets Keats and Shelley. But did you know that they had all of this wonderful insight at an age that is not often represented by the youth? Shelley was only 29 when he died and Keats was only 25!

But back to judgement and judging. Wayne Dyer, in his lectures, says that we should be 'independent of the good opinion of others'. By that, it means that we should live our lives and let others live theirs and stop trying to 'be of' the good opinion of others. For if you do, you will always be trying to live up to someone elses idea of how to live.

The great satirist H.L. Mencken wrote once to one of his critics, "I am sitting here in the smallest room in my house (we all know which room that is) and I have your letter of criticism before me. Soon it will be behind me." (sic) And that is how we should all feel about someone who is criticizing us. Let it go.....who cares????

So as Gommy sits at the computer, enjoying the birds chirping outside and realizing they are not aware nor do they care about the other birds opinions of their chrips.....Gommy says quit judging others and if you really need to judge, start with yourself....that is really the only opinion you should care about and the only one that you can actually change anyway......Enjoy life....Hugs and Mush, Gommy

Football Season

Well, it's here fans.......football season. Armchair quarterbacks, the testing of manhood, proudly showing off how cold it is in the stands, while baring your bare-chested and game colored-painted body in the sub-freezing weather, while holding a giant thermometer to show how 'strong' and 'virile' you are, just in case a TV camera catches you on the Jumbo-Tron...........and guess what?....they do! You must be sooooo proud!

There are many seasons of our lives....there are the yearly seasons of Summer, Fall, Winter and Spring. There are the Christian holiday seasons; Easter and Christmas. And then there are the seasons of our life.....birth and death. Sometimes football games can lead you to wish you were 'dead' when you have bet too much on your losing team.....Geesh....what were you thinking guy?

But back to football season....it is usually looked forward to with rabid anticipation for many men and quite a few women as well. Gommy thinks it is because after a long, busy and hot summer, most of us are ready to take a break and 'watch' instead of participate. The summer usually brings with it vacations, beach-going, hiking, rollerblading and many other out of doors activities that require us to expend quite a bit of our own energy......Now, the fans can sit and watch other people expend quite a bit of their energy and get to watch them and all the while, we get to eat junk food and socialize with our friends, in person - at the games or just in our living rooms. Bathing suit season is over for this season.....no more exercising or holding in the old gut. Pack on the pounds fans...... you can relax until Summer approaches next year and that panic sets in that you have to get ready to put that bikini on again.......UGH!

The hoopla over football is very interesting to Gommy. A bunch of guys try to get an orb from the other bunch of guys and beat up on each other for a couple of hours and the one that gets the orb the most....WINS!!! Wins what? Mostly 'Bragging Rights' that they are the best.....Best what??? Best 'beater-uppers'....And the people who are rooting for them are the 'Best' too. How that is puzzles the mind. Just because you like....er....LOVE a certain team and they beat up the other team and took their orb away more times.....what?...somehow equates that now you are better...stronger....smarter????? Oh well...........if that is what 'floats your boat', then you 'go guy and girl fan'. Gommy is all about positive 'self-esteem' no matter how you get it (er....almost no matter how you get it). This sort of sporting event has been going on for centuries...it is not unlike the Gladiators.....except for the killing.....;) - although Gommy has seen a few after-game tail-gate parties that almost included killing the opponents fans......WOW...that is certainly some personal attachment to a game!

But, Gommy has to admit that she looks forward to football season too. That is now that Grandpa Mike and Gommy don't own the golf course anymore. Football season is when the golfing season seemed to go into hibernation up north, along with the opportunity for any form of money coming in to the business to pay the bills! :( ....but now Gommy and Grandpa can enjoy the football season just like 'real' people. Gommy might ad that the weather isn't a dire concern any longer either......Having the weather determine if you are going to make any money on any certain day or if the weather is going to cancel or mess up a money-making golf tournament that you have planned and worked on for months is not so much fun! Gommy can actually enjoy hearing the rain, while taking a nap now.....Thank you God!

I'm guessing all the hype and TV ads really do get you all reved up to begin the 'beating-up' football season......ahhhhhhhhhhhhh....soooooooo, just like so many football fans, we've got our stash of corn chips, salsa, potato chips, hot dogs, chicken wings, beer and sodas and any other junk food you can think of ready and waiting to sit in the recliner and shout out to the TV how the coaches SHOULD be coaching.... BOOYAH!!!!! GO TEAM!!!!!

Re: Power (Again) ;)

Last month, Gommy wrote a blog about 'power'. Then.........this month, Oprahs' O Magazine (aka my Bible but not in a blasphemous way) came in the mail and lo and behold.........one of the top topics was on how to tap into your 'true' power and really make it work for you. Boy...great minds think alike....ha,ha. I wonder if Oprah would think my mind was as great as hers...probably....she is pretty magnanimous.

Anywhooooo...what the article basically said was that to have 'true' power, you must lock in your thoughts, emotions and actions with the highest part of yourself. Then and only then can you expect to get anything fulfilling out of your life. Then it becomes easy to seemingly be 'great' in other peoples' minds-eye because you are being your authentic self and not trying to be someone you are not. Gee............it feels good to be validated by OPRAH!!!!!

Try to remember to stay on course when you do discover what it is that your lifes' purpose is. If you are doing something......anything to please someone else or to impress someone else......you are OFF course. As long as you stay on course with your lifes' purpose....you will eventually tip right side up if your 'life canoe' flips over. And it will flip over from time to time. Sometimes for just pesky things....sometimes for more serious events in your life...and sometimes you may just feel like staying under and forgetting the whole kit and kaboodle. But please do allow your 'canoe' to flip right side up again because each day we have here on Earth with our friends and family is truly a blessing. If you give up, you will be missing out on a whole wonder of things to come. I promise......If Gommy had given up when my husband Terry died......I would have missed out on so many happy times I had with my children (Terry, Tracey and Tiff) after that, i.e. graduations, visiting Terry when he graduated boot-camp, Terry's wonderful humor, Tracey and Tiff making me soooo proud of their academics and their beautiful personalities, Tracey's wedding, the birth of her children.... you get my drift? And if I had given up after Terry and Tiff died, I would have missed out on the amazing relationship I have with Tracey and with her adorable children today and with Terrys' children as well, being Gommy to such sweet children and watching my daughter be a wonderful mother to them. And now we have Grandpa Mikes' granddaughter Kyra to look forward to seeing grow up. And I would also have missed out on meeting Grandpa Mike and all the wonderful years we have spent together.

Since Gommy and Grandpa Mike moved back 'home' ( home for Gommy anyway)....life has been so good that it scares Gommy sometimes. You know....that old Yin and Yang thingy....I keep waiting for the other Yang to fall......but as long as we are this happy, we are going to enjoy and be grateful for each and every instance and each and every minute we get to enjoy life and all it has to offer.

Today is the 8th anniversary of 9-11 and we can't help feeling sad for all the loved ones that were lost on that terrible day and for all the loved ones that were left behind. Some of them have recovered from that day and some never will. It is always harder on those left behind to go on and not feel guilty for being happy again. But they must remember that their loved ones would surely want them to be happy.....just as they would want their loved ones to go on and be happy if it had been them that were killed that awful day. The day itself even seemed to be weeping during the memorial services today in New York City as the rained pelted down and the people all stood under umbrellas in their sadness.

But back to power. We all have it. We just don't all know that we do. We have the power to be happy in spite of what is going on all around us. We have the power to hold our tongues so we don't say anything that will be hard to take back and mar a marriage or relationship. We have the power to raise responsible children to become the future of this wonderful place we all call home.

So, Gommy says to think of how you SHOULD be using your power from now on. Make sure it isn't at the expense of anyone else. Don't use your power to over-power someone who is less fortunate or who is smaller and weaker than you. You know what the right thing is to do. Listen to your gut instead of your head and it will tell you if you are on the right track.....Gommy is watching you so you better do right.....Hugs and Mush.....((*O*))

Is Anyone Out There???

Hello somebody....anybody....is anyone out there? Gommy went to see Julie/Julia the other day and absolutely loved, loved, loved it....Julie writes a blog too and at one point she asked her computer if anyone was out there reading what she was writing. That got Gommy to wondering that same thing. Oh, Gommy gets a few comments once in a while (I think I even lost one reader who wasn't too happy about something I wrote) but there is no way to know who is really reading what Gommy writes other than a disgruntled reader here and there. You know there is a saying that if someone likes something they either keep it to themselves or tell one other person but if they don't like something they tell EVERYONE!!! I wonder why that is???

But Gommy will continue to blog and for the most part it is purely selfish. Gommy loves writing....It is soooo cathartic. There are times when feelings get all bottled up and it provides an outlet to vent when that happens. Gommy has found that when people do get upset about something you write, it is usually because you have gotten too close to something they aren't comfortable with in themselves. But Gommy isn't trying to hurt anyone and there probably will be occasions in the future that something that is bothering Gommy will spill over onto someone who is reading my blog and they will get defensive. I apologise in advance.....but it has to come out or Gommy may implode herself....:))

I was on Facebook yesterday and I got an IM from a woman that I had gone to Jr. High and High School with. She surprised me by telling me that she had spent the whole day reading all of my blogs and that they had inspired her and she looked forward reading more.....Wow.....that was very nice to hear.

She also told me that many of my blogs really hit home with her. I explained that I thought that we are all more alike than we are unalike...and that when and if we all ever realize that fact...we will be much more comfortable in our own skin. The same things happen to all of us....just at different times in our lives. It is how you react to those things that change or mold your life. If you have had something horrible happen to you, that is no excuse to take it out on someone else. They didn't have anything to do with it! I recently read something that really resonated with Gommy. It was, "Don't cry because it ended. Smile because it happened." That saying means to Gommy that being sad that something ended, left or was taken from you can be turned around to being thankful you had 'it' or 'them' in your life at all.

I have recently been joining in on political debates on Facebook and that is something I never do face to face or in mixed company. It is never a good idea to discuss (in person) religion or politics because people identify so boldly with their beliefs and a heated argument is sure to ensue. The point Gommy is making is that if someone else brings up a subject on a social network and you are asked to respond how you feel......you should be able to answer what your point of view is, even though they are so adamant about their point of view.....Gommy says it is fair game to say what you believe as well. The best part is that there can be no fighting and arguing as is the case in person where it can escalate. So it is much safer than a person to person face-off. I could never be on those programs that have debates about politics....When Gommy gets mad, she gets flustered...all the facts just fly out the window and the argument SEEMS to be won by the other side. Gommy doesn't like that feeling.

But back to blogging and blogs in general. If there are any pent-up, frustrated writers wondering if they could ever be taken seriously in print.....Gommy says she doesn't mind being the "Poster Girl" for taking a chance and becoming a blogger...Hey, Grandma Moses wasn't discovered as an artist until she was in her seventies.....At least Gommy still has some good years left to be discovered.....((*>*)) So Gommy wishes that you all have a blessed day and remember to be grateful for everything you have.

Why Now?

Have you ever wondered why it is that we promise to be better, or act better, or behave differently when we seem to have come to the end of the line? LITERALLY....Have you ever been so scared that you start asking God to help you? I work with a very wonderful lady (her name is Esen) who is as strong as an ox. Sometimes she is as stubborn as one too but I love her just the same. You could never (nor could she) imagine that she would ever be in a weakened state. We never seem to be able to see ourselves as being incapacitated. That is until we come down with a flu that knocks our socks off and we are like weak little kittens that can't hold up our heads. Or we have a disease that is life threatening or our children come down with some very serious illness.....

Well, Esen told me that yesterday, at the end of her shift, she began to feel sick. She explained that she was telling herself to just keep on working and she would make it until the end of her shift. She gets her words mixed up sometimes, (that is when she is most adorable to me), and as she was explaining, she said she was trying to 'patience' (hold on) long enough to finish out the night. She finally was hurting so horribly that she had to succumb and leave early. And if you knew Esen, you would know that she had to be close to dying to leave work early! When she got to her parking space in the parking lot, someone had backed into her car and the bumper was hanging on the ground. You know "Murphys' Law".....anywho......she pulled it the rest of the way off and shoved it in the back seat of her car and slammed the door (all the while asking God, "WHY NOW???")....Then the door wouldn't shut right because the bumper was too long....She finally finagled with it and the door did eventually shut. The whole time, she was telling herself that she must just focus and drive carefully and get to her apartment before she died. She truly thought she was going to die.

She made it to her apartment and the owner of our workplace called her to ask how she was feeling. She weakly told her, "I'm dying...I'm dying....I'm dying." Of course our boss quickly went to her aid and when she arrived at Esens' apartment, she went in to see if she could help. The pain seemed to be radiating from my friends' back and our boss thought she must have strained it and gave her some muscle relaxers and strong pain pills. Our boss had stopped at an all night drug store on the way to rescuing our friend and got some heat pad thingys and other meds she could think of that she may need. My friend said that our boss literally got into bed with her and rubbed her back for her and after about 15 minutes, Esen drifted off into a very deep sleep. But as she was drifting....she was making a deal with God. She told me that she was promising everything she could think of in exchange for God allowing her to live.

She promised that she would be a very good girl from now on and that if she had done anything to make God angry, that she was sorry beyond words and she would never do it again (even though she didn't even know what it was that she had done.....) She promised to be very nice to everyone from now on and not judge anyone anymore,and not to talk about anyone unkindly anymore, and to only to do very nice things from now on.............but please God, let me live, she begged.

The point Gommy is making is that we all go along our merry ways most of the time and it is not until something terrible happens or we become ill that we turn to God for help. My friend is not unlike most of us in that regard. But Gommy was thinking how nice it would be if we could all get a little 'wake-up' call on a regular basis that would self-correct our attitudes, behavior, stubbornness, etc., to make us realize we were going down the wrong path and that our behavior or attitude or failure to be more forgiving could make it harder to bargain if the time did arise that we needed to do some swapping with the Almighty. There may just be a time that we have gone over the line for any kind of bartering to exchange. We may not have anything left to barter with....God may just be fed up with giving us more chances after more chances.....Lord knows we push Him to the limit all the time....Kinda' scary isn't it???

Esen told me that she did wake up the next morning and when she opened her eyes, she touched herself to see if she was indeed alive.....Yesssss, I am alive, she thought. Then she was afraid to move in the bed. What if the pain was still there? She gingerly moved and voila' - no pain...only a little tenderness. But Gommy thinks the tenderness was a little of the leftover pain to remind her of what she had promised....Gommy has to admit that she was much more cheerful than usual and her attitude seemed to be one of happy gratitude and she appeared to love everyone. Gommy told her that she 'belonged' to our boss from now on because of some hokey-pokey deal she had made and from here on out, she owed her life to our boss.....Gommy was just joshing with her but I think she believed me...All she keeps saying is "Thanks God.....Thanks God......Thanks God.... I don't mind".

The moral of this little story is that we can all use a little reality check on how we are behaving. Some of us are a bit arrogant....some of us are a bit selfish....some of us are a bit (o.k. alot) bossy......you get the picture, don't you? So don't wait until something drastic happens to you before you snap out of it....Try to temper those nasty traits right now and take a good hard look in the mirror. Like what you see? Gommy bets there are a few things that could use a quick fix.....because none of us are perfect.....right?

We never do know when our 'last train to nowhere' is coming for us....sooooooo, you better have your 'bags' packed with everything you will need for wherever it is you are going......Woo-Woo!!!! and Bon Vonage.......Hugs, & Mush, Gommy ((*>*))

Happy Birthday to Gommy

Gommy just had the best, most wonderful birthday she can remember in many a year!!! It started off with breakfast with Grandpa Mike, then off to the beach. The beach was calm, warm and soooooo very inviting and delicious. After four hours, we headed back to our little bungalow on the intracoastal. Dipped in the pool for an hour or so and then showered and got ready to have dinner with the family. Trace, Johnny, Sam and Brandon treated Gommy and Grandpa to delish steaks at a restaurant. Then the University of Miami beat FSU in football tonight.....All is right with the world again (the football world anyway). What a great way to celebrate your birthday. And the whole Nation was off today to enjoy my day as well....You're welcome :)

There have been birthdays from the past that have been pretty dismal. I can remember being away from family when we lived in Tennessee and owned a golf course. The only thing that differentiated my birthday from any other day was that Grandpa Mike got me a card and tried to make it special by having the golf club members wish me a happy birthday. I can honestly say it was very sad for Gommy.

I think Gommy has been Blessed lately because of how grateful I have become. It took not having a 'pot or a window' to realize what exactly was important in life. I can honestly say it was worth all the agina in the world to have this peaceful, wonderful life Gommy and Grandpa now have.

So Happy Birthday to Gommy is an understatement....Gommy is really, really, really happy. Thanks to all my friends and family that have wished me well. It worked.....I AM!!!!

Calm Down!!!

It's Sunday, glorious Sunday again. And Gommy is, once again, grateful for another glorious Sunday.....This Sunday, Gommy wants to say a prayer for all those people out there who are so wound up about the economy, the President, the state of the union and the world, their life, and .....yada,yada,yada................. to CALM DOWN......

Why does it seem some people are not happy unless they are spewing vitriolic mumbo jumbo to scare other people who don't keep up on what is going on? Not very nice, says Gommy. Now, these are people who have a very nice house, a good job, a wonderful spouse and healthy children......so why in the heck are they so UNHAPPY about life????

As far as trying to scare people who may not know the difference, by telling them there is a scarcity of 'whatever',...........clue.........there are no shortages. Look around you. Is there a shortage of grass growing on the ground? Is there a shortage of food on the shelves when you go to the multiple selections of grocery stores? Are any of us so skinny because we didn't have enough to eat lately? NOT.....Gommy for one doesn't have the problem of being too skinny, ha,ha. My point is that there have always been Henny Pennys' around who just LOVE to scare everyone with their screaming of, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling". And guess what??? The sky is still thankfully up where it is supposed to be.....WHEW..............So quit telling us it is falling....PLEASE...

It must be so tiresome to the friends, children and spouses of these people who only look for the 'bad news' in everything. Gommy has even quit watching the news because there is never anything good on the news shows anyway....sooooooooo why watch? I read recently that a study was done with a group of severely depressed people. The only thing they were asked to do was to write down three things each day that they were grateful for. And within 15 days of the study, 94% of the people were less depressed. That shows Gommy that staying 'upbeat' and grateful is healthy. Other studies have also shown that being positive also stimulates your immune system to ward off illnesses and other booga-boos.

Obsessing over the news or other negative things will make you borderline 'looney-bins' (and sometimes REALLY looney-bins) if you aren't careful. If you dwell on negative things, your life and outlook will be negative. If you are just one of those 'worrier' types.....map out a few minutes a day to 'worry' (if that will make you feel better....HUH??? ha,ha). Then after the allotted time you give yourself to 'worry, fret or stew', STOP IT!!!!!! Another study said that people who only look for negative things, do so because they don't really have a life so they try to make other people afraid of everything too so they will be miserable as well. You know the old saying, "Misery loves company". Gommy chooses to opt out of that club thank you.....

If you don't care about other people, you should at least care what you are doing to your children....Don't think they aren't like little sponges that pick up every little thing you say, do or feel. Do you want them to grow up to be like you????............I hope not. You should want them to be happy!!!!! Don't you want your children to have the sense of faith, or if you aren't religious, at least have something to look forward to, that they will be alright? Do you want them to worry like you all the time that something awful is pending that will make their life horrible? Now if this is really making you mad right now.....ha...I gotcha. The closer someone is to hitting it on the head about our personality faults....the madder we get about it and the more offense we take. If you really want to be happy and live in the world with all the crap stuff that goes on....you have to start to STOP complaining and stewing about the same thing over and over.

Why not try this: Think of all the things in your life that you SHOULD be grateful for and write them down. You will really be surprised and it will take a lot longer than you think it will. If you can't think of anything...........Gommy is really sorry for you. But you can start with your breath....you still like to breathe don't you? Don't YOU? Then you can add your healthy children, your job (if you don't like your job, at least you have a job. Unlike so many who have to feed their children and put a roof over their heads and don't have a job), your spouse, the computer you use to spew your distorted tirades on.....oops.... feelings on. The more things you can put down to feel grateful for, the better you will start to feel about your life.

Well you may say that Gommy is a Pollyanna.............but I'll take being a Pollyanna any day over being a Henny Penny. It is just less tiresome.....So Gommy says to 'man-up' or 'woman-up' and put on your big people undies and deal with whatever it is that is making you so grumpy......There are those of us who choose to look forward to another glorious Sunday to be grateful for.....Hugs & Mush, Gommy