Southern Hospitality

Gommy wants to talk about Southern hospitality today. My husband is from Memphis, Tennessee and we moved there about ten years ago. We lived in a rural community the latter part of the ten years we spent there. When we first moved to the area, we hadn't found a home yet and needed a mail-box to have our mail sent to until we had a permanent address. The first glimpse I had of Southern hospitality was when Gommy went to the Post Office. I went up to the clerk and asked for a mailbox. She was so sweet that it threw me for a minute. Then after filling out the needed paperwork, she gave me my assigned box. The next thing that happened really floored me. She asked me if I would like her to come out of her window area and show me where my mailbox was.......WOW !!!! I looked at her in dismay and asked, "Is this the United States of America Post Office?" I had always heard of the the government workers at the Post Office going 'postal' on you and this was certainly above and beyond anything I had ever experienced in any post office. Another postal story is that Gommy would often need to send something and not know how much postage to put on the package and I would just write a note attached to the package and the next day there would be an envelope with the amount it had cost in my mailbox. What a concept!!! To be trusted by a government employee.

Another area you notice Southern hospitality is at the grocery store. When someone accidentally bumps into you with their cart, they actually apologise to you. Now, in South Florida you are lucky to not get sued for being carted from behind!!!!! Kids are also more polite in the South. I remember my step-son lived with us for part of the year and in Chicago the other part of the year. When he stayed with us in Tennessee, he was expected to say "Sir' and 'Ma'am' and to call his elders by their proper title, i.e. Mr. Tommy or Miss Molly or yes sir and no ma'am. It just makes everything so nice to have and be shown respect and it teaches the children that they SHOULD respect their elders and their fellow neighbor.

People are also much more friendly in the deep South. Many people nod (showing they acknowledge you) if nothing else when you walk by them. Most will speak to you and wish you good morning, afternoon or evening. Southerners will always offer to share a meal with them at their home. They may just have enough for their own family but that will never stop them from offering to share with you. Another Southern saying is "appreciate it". That is said when you do something for them, even if is just take their money for the gas they are about to pump themselves.

Even the ladies at the drive-up window at the bank are friendly. We got so friendly with our tellers that they always asked about our family and if we had any pictures to share with them of the grandchildren. I used to bring cookies or goodies to them at holidays. They were very sad when they learned we were moving back to Florida but they were genuinely happy for us. There are just no two ways about it......it is just friendlier down South. Heck, even our insurance lady would call us to remind us that a payment was coming up soon.....Did you ever??????

I guess it is the gentleness of the people that is most noticeable. I love that there are people in the world who still want to share a story, a meal or just or a smile with you. I will always miss the great friends I met while we lived in Tennessee, but I will miss the good ole' Southern Hospitality the very most.

Talking and Listening and Consequences

Gommy was thinking today about the art of listening. I have noticed many people don't always listen as well as they talk. My Dad used to say that God gave us two ears and one mouth....DUH...that should be a hint that we should listen more than we talk. Just today, I was relaying a thought to someone and before I had the chance to finish, they were already talking about what they wanted to say. It is like their story was more important than my story. Maybe it is, but politeness mandates that we don't or shouldn't interrupt someone until they are finished talking.

We should start when our children are young and teach them not to interrupt. I notice quite often, that the kids of today aren't schooled in basic manners. No matter how often a mom or dad ignore the kid when they interrupt, they continue to do so. Maybe that is the problem. Everyone is talking over everyone else and it may just be that the parent should stop talking themselves and immediately correct the child on the spot. There doesn't seem to be any boundaries being set for the children of today. An incident happened at my work a while ago that proves to Gommy that children are being brought up today to not expect any consequences for their behavior. Example: a little boy came in to the store where I was working with his mom, dad and sister. The little boy was around 3 and the sister was probably 4. The little boy asked for a chocolate-covered pretzel and the mom asked pointedly, "Are you sure this is what you want?" She apparently has gone down that road way too many times before. The little boy said he was sure. Then the sister got a daisy-shaped lollipop and that is when the stuff started flying. The little boy said he didn't want his half-eaten pretzel any longer and wanted a daisy lollipop like his sister had instead. The Mom tried (in her defense) to explain to her son that he had made his choice and that is when he started wailing.....The dad said, "What's the matter buddy?" and when the little boy said he wanted the lollipop instead, the father said for the mom to get it for him. Now, you can call Gommy old fashioned, but I would have handled it differently. Gommy would have gently explained to 'Little Tommy" that he had made his choice and although I understand that he may not be happy about it right now, the next time he would probably take his time before making a decision. And that taking his time would help him make sure he would be more happy about his decision. No consequences, no sweat! Right? What did the little boy learn from his experience? He learned that it doesn't matter if he makes a wrong decision because he can just get something else anyway. We must learn at an early age that 'money doesn't grow on trees" as my mom used to say.



Now back to listening. Sometimes we anticipate what someone is going to say and jump in and can be completely wrong about what the person was going to say. Gommy has been guilty of that herself in the past and I am glad that someone brought it to my attention. I try to be more careful to make sure the person has finished their train of thought now before I answer. It is just a part of using our manners. Manners and politeness have sadly gone out of 'style'. Maybe they will return someday. Gommy hopes she is still around to see it. I'll sure be 'listening' for it......

Obnoxious People

I know most of us have dealt with obnoxious people at one time or another. Some of us may have even been obnoxious from time to time ourselves. Hopefully, we were able to correct ourselves, but sadly, that isn't usually the case. This got Gommy to wondering why and how some people become obnoxious. I know we aren't born that way....it is definitely a learned behavior. Maybe it was learned from generation to generation if a parent was obnoxious. Gommy feels the more obnoxious a person is, the less secure they are in their own skin. The obnoxious one (hereinafter referred to as the "OO") tries to cover up his/her own insecurities by always making the grand entrance or being louder than everyone in the group or having to have the very 'best' of everything to validate that they are indeed the 'best'. The "OO" always seems to have to one-up every career, conversation, vacation story, parenting skills, etc. It is ironic, but it usually works because many people are insecure enough themselves that they can be bowled over by a very strong personality. It takes a pretty secure person to back-talk an "OO". If you notice among your own family - and don't we all have a few "OO"'s in every family? - there is always an Uncle, Aunt, sibling or cousin that makes it uncomfortable at family gatherings and make you wish you weren't from that 'clan'. They even make movies about Christmas time relatives that you wish never came to visit.

Most aggressive people don't even notice when they are offending and if they do, they don't care anyway. A large part of being obnoxious is not caring if you offend because you are so into 'you' that you don't realize there are other people with their own feelings that even exist. It is the "All About Me" saga that never ends.

It should be said that the "OO" is to be pitied actually. It must be a very frightening life to have to mask your every move or thought, so that your true 'you' isn't discovered. I wonder why the people who are closest to the "OO" don't give them a reality check. It has to be a dreadful existence to have to live with an "OO". I have noticed that most partners of "OO"'s are usually quite nice. You'd think some of the nasty would rub off but it doesn't seem as though it does.

Just last night, I was working at my job at a candy store and a man who was obviously an "OO" came in with a scowl on his face and a nice woman came in with him. First, may I say that anyone who can't be happy in a candy store may as well pack it in. If candy doesn't make you feel good, what on earth will? After greeting them and welcoming them as we always do at the store, he started the conversation by pointing, on his side of the glass case, to what he wanted. I couldn't see what he was pointing to and I inquired if it were a certain candy. He was aggravated that I couldn't read his mind, but it was a good thing he couldn't read Gommys' mind at that moment. Then he ordered a cashew cluster and I inquired if he wanted it in 'dark' or 'milk' chocolate. He answered (growled to be precise) 'milk'. Then he ordered a pecan cluster and when I asked which type of chocolate again......he almost shouted at me that all of his choices would be 'milk'!!!!! I thanked him and said that would make it easier.... and he stormed out....leaving the nice lady to finish up. She just smiled and finished the order like any sane person would. Now, even though she was nice, Gommy feels she was actually an 'enabler'. She enables this nasty man to be rude to everyone he comes in contact with, while she remains behind and appears to be the nice one. Maybe that is their dynamic....he gets to be nasty and she gets to appear to be the nice one.....They each get what they want and anyone who comes into contact with them are on their own!!! Maybe that is how the 'good cop/bad cop' got its' start.....Go figure!

All in all, Gommy says that if you ever find yourself even becoming mildly like an "OO", stop yourself immediately before any nasty habits grab hold of you and you stay that way. Remember that when you are trying to be the 'star' of the show you are not earning any gold stars from anyone. People may act polite to you but they really cringe when they think of spending any time with you. It is an impossible situation when it is a boss that doesn't know how to handle authority. It can make life unbearable and many times the employee needs their job and they just have to put up with it. How sad.

So to all the people out there who try their best every day to be nice.....kudos to you. And to all those "OO"'s out there who may or may not know they are poops.....boo to you. You know better than that. Gommy says straighten up!!!!!

Giving

Gommy wants to share her thoughts about 'giving' today. Today is Sunday and many people go to church and 'give' or offer their tithe in the collection plate and feel as if that is it for the week. They feel they have completed their obligation of giving. Gommy thinks giving should take place every day. Now, you may be saying that in these times, you don't have much left to give after your weekly tithe at church. But giving doesn't have to be money necessarily. You can give a friend some of your time if they need a hand with something, or you could watch someones' child for them so they can get out and go to the store, you could check on or bring a meal to an elderly neighbor, or even a kind word and a smile is something valuable to give away. I have found that the more you give, the more that comes back to you. On the flip side, if you are giving out negative vibes, you will get that back as well. That is the way the universe operates.

I remember reading a story once about a farmer who won the blue ribbon for his corn each year at the county fair. A reporter was interviewing him one time and said he had heard that the farmer gave his prized seed to his neighbors every season. The reporter asked the farmer, "How can you take a chance that one of your neighbors won't win the blue ribbon when you give them your best seed corn each year?" The farmer told the reporter that if his neighbors planted inferior seed, the bees and the birds would eat from their crops and carry it over to his fields and contaminate his cornfields. The moral is; everyone has to do well if you want to do well yourself. You don't take anything away from yourself by wishing others well.

I can remember my daughter Tracey telling me, when she was quite young, that 'a giving purse is never empty.' I don't know where she learned of that wonderful piece of information, but I am sure glad she taught it to me. I am always amazed how much you can learn from your children. Just because we are the parents, it doesn't mean we automatically know everything. Our children are full of wondrous gems of wisdom, if we just listen to them.

My husband and I owned a golf course at one time. Over the years, there were several people who volunteered their time to help us. We never could have done all we did without the gift of their time. The help they gave was invaluable. The remarkable thing was they volunteered their time and help without expecting anything in return. That is true giving.

There is a story in the Bible about a woman who has very little and another person who is quite wealthy. The story goes that the pittance the woman gave is more appreciated than all the wealthy person gave. In another story, the lesson is that it will be easier for the wealthy man to get through the eye of a needle than to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. I take that to mean that the more one has, the more they feel entitled and forget that it by the grace of God that we have what we have. I think what the stories illustrate is that the 'meek' are more grateful for the grace they receive. And I don't think 'meek' means timid. I think it means 'humble'. The more humble you are, the more grateful you are. As in, "The meek shall inherit the Earth."

I have always loved buying gifts for people. I would see something while I was out shopping and think this or that person would love it. I had more fun at Christmas time buying for people than opening the gifts I received. Not that I wasn't grateful, but there is something about giving that is so rewarding. There is something to the saying, "It is better to give than to receive."

So, Gommy suggests that you try giving this week. Even if it is a smile or a compliment to a perfect stranger. You'll be surprised how good you will feel about yourself too. Think of it as a gift to yourself!

Karma, Dharma and Universal Laws

Hello everyone. Gommy is going to talk about Spiritual topics today. Wait....don't go away!!!! Just read on. It may surprise you. Now, I would not consider myself to be a very religious person. I have always said my religion was 'a visitor', because I went to so many different kinds of churches and even a few synagogues while I was growing up. But after losing a husband in a car accident at a very young age (34), and was left to raise 3 young children, ages 12, 11 and 8 and then nine years later, losing 2 of those children (Terry and Tiffany - aged 22 & 17 respectfully) in a car accident, I went to several churches searching for answers and was still left looking for answers and being very bewildered on so many levels. The same thing happened each time I went to a new church. I would sit in the back pew and expect someone, anyone, to come up to me and give me the answers I was looking for. Guess what? It didn't happen. It reminds me of a story I once heard of a wise old man who was sitting at the edge of a town and a traveler comes up to him and asked what sort of people live in the town. The old man asked what kind of person the traveler was and the traveler explains that he is a loner and doesn't like to mingle with people. The old man assures the traveler that that is exactly the sort of people in the town. Then another traveler comes along and asks the same thing to the old man and when the old man inquires what sort of person this traveler is, the traveler says he is a fun-loving guy who loves to be with people. The old man assures this traveler that that is exactly the sort of people in the town. The moral is; you get what you give. I was expecting a different outcome at each of the churches I went to, but the reality is I brought the same person to each facility (me).



Although I don't have formal religious roots, I do believe in God or Divine Intelligence or Being or whatever it is you feel comfortable with calling God . What I have come to believe is that God doesn't have hang-ups about what you call Him. He is not petty. I also believe that there is more than one path to God. Just like the streams and rivers empty into the Ocean....there are many paths to God. I think churches are good places for people to gather to do good and pray but I don't feel it is necessarily the only way to speak with God. I find it hard to believe that God will not allow you into His Kingdom if you don't belong to Church A or Church B or Synagogue C or Mosque D.....and I think it is insulting to God to expect us to not love another person because of his or her beliefs, color of his skin, politics, etc. Aren't we ALL Gods' children? If that is so, how can some of His children be good and others not; just because of their race, creed or any other difference? How would someone feel if one of their own children were not liked because they were different in some way? I, for one, as a parent, would not like it one little bit....



Now for the Karma and Dharma and Universal Laws topics. The Karma aspect is that I fully believe that what you do in life, whether it be good or bad, does come back to you. In church language, it is 'reaping and sowing', in Eastern civilization language, it is referred to as Karma. Whether you are religious or not or whether you believe in it or not, it does exist. Even scientists know there are universal laws that control the entire world that we live in. If you drop an apple, it falls to the ground through the 'law of gravity'. People understand that law because you can see it happening. It may be harder to grasp the laws that you can't see. But scientists are now understanding things differently than they did before. They know that we have come so far in discovering things through quantum physics and MRI's, radio waves, cell phone technology, and super microscopes that allow us to see things we never could before. We can actually see atoms and even human cells and DNA through these microscopes now. We know now that information we put out over the Ethernet in the form of our emails, twitters, cell phone conversations, etc. stays there out forever. We know that because it can be and is retrieved long after we have forgotten all about it. Energy doesn't ever disappear, it just changes forms. So, remember to be good and kind, if that is what you want to receive back. Like my Dad used to say, "Don't spit in the wind!" That is, unless you want it to come back in your face.



Now for Dharma. Dharma is when you find your perfect place in life. You are in the 'zone'. And you know that you have found it because you are in harmony with life and you are truly happy and everything is good. It is like a musician. They love, love, love what they do. It is in their blood and they HAVE to play their instrument or write or sing their songs . By being exactly in their 'true place in life' they are enjoying what they do and they are also giving pleasure to those who hear them and they end up making copious amounts of money at the same time. A way to find out if you have found Dharma is to close your eyes and think about what you do for your lifes' work. If you feel good about it and it gives you great pleasure and you can't wait to get back to your job, that's it!!! If you feel like you would never go back to your job if you didn't need the income, then you have not found your Dharma....



The Universal Law topic is really cut and dry. You don't have to believe it.....it will keep on ruling the world we live in whether you do or you don't. That is the law. If there weren't Universal Laws, the oceans wouldn't ebb and flow, there wouldn't be good and bad, rain and sunshine, or the seasons of each year. God has planned everything and it is perfection. Look up "Universal Laws" sometime and you will understand how perfectly everything is in place so we can enjoy all we do here on Earth.



That's it for today. Gommy is enjoying a beautiful day with hubby. We happened to both get the day off, which hardly ever happens. We went to the beach this morning and now while I write my Gommy's Goodies piece, hubby is in the recliner doing his 'finger exercises' with the remote. Later, it is out to a good dinner and being couch potaotes tonight. Life IS good. Hope everyone gets to find their Dharma or in todays' terms, their "MOJO" - Toodle-ooo

Work Ethic

Work ethic refers to how you SHOULD handle yourself at work. You are representing the company you work for and you should act as you would like someone to act at a company you owned yourself. It's amazing to observe how different someone works at a job they have and then see them at their own business, should they open one. Work ethic also refers to being on time for work and doing your very best while you are at work. It means that you should give your boss a good days work for the the money you 'earn'. It means that you shouldn't waste time and shrug your duties for your job description.

With the times being so uncertain and the harsh economic times we are in, you'd think people would be more appreciative of their jobs and try to assure that they keep them. It may just be that the job force has become so complacent and lazy that they don't realize that 'cream rises to the top' and they are on very shaky ground when it comes to who will get the axe when it comes time that a company may have to downsize.

It used to be the norm to expect to be greeted by an employee of a store when you entered. One very big company that started in the early 1900's even used the tag "satisfaction guaranteed or your money back." That sentiment meant satisfaction in how you were treated as a customer as well. The whole idea is that people have a variety of places out there in 'consumer-land' where they can spend their money and they should be treated as a very special guest when they shop at a store. They don't even have to leave their homes any longer to shop the way online shopping has taken off. If there is no loyalty felt by the customer to a store or a clerk at a store, they will go next door or down the street to shop. You must make that customer feel important and show them that they are appreciated every time they walk in the store. I used to own a restaurant and no customer ever entered without being recognized and greeted. After a time, we got to know the many who frequently ate with us. We would inquire about a vacation they had recently taken or how their children or grandchildren were doing. We would ask about their job or how their business was doing. The point being; everyone wants to feel important. Just look at the gossip shows and magazines and paparazzi followers. Every schmoo wants to be famous, even if it is for their 'fifteen minutes'.

I have experienced myself, waiting to pay for an item and having the person not even look up when they scanned my credit card, or heaven forbid, they should thank me for shopping with them! Or even worse, they are talking to another co-worker about their date last night or complaining about something happening at work and it is as if you don't even exist....WOW....how have we gotten to this degree of rudeness? It almost seems that the customer is interrupting the worker and they make you feel as if you are imposing on them.

How about this....we go back to being polite to each other? It doesn't take any more time to smile and inquire how someone is doing today, where they are from, or just thanking someone and looking them in the eye when you do. Now I know there are jerks out there everywhere that will make it seem like it is futile, but I have found that even jerks respond when you are nice to them. Not always, but most of the time. Some people are so used to being in their own little mean world they are startled at first when another human being reaches out and says something nice to them. It is not too late to give it a try. Start small by smiling at people. They will usually smile back and if nothing else happens from that exchange, it will put out some good vibrations into the Universe, instead of the junk that is being put out there now.

I was taught something very valuable by my daughter Tiffany. Tiffany died when she was only seventeen in a car accident. But she was far and away a very special girl that was way beyond her years. She was such a delight and had the most beautiful smile and disposition. The thing Tiff taught me was to not keep a nice thing or thought to yourself about someone. For instance; if someone looks nice or is wearing a pretty blouse, dress, pin, necklace, etc. or their hair looks good, don't keep that thought to yourself. Tell the person. It may just make their day. Tiff was always doing that and I try to do that every time it is applicable. I don't just say something I don't mean because that would be fake and the person could feel that. I can't even tell you the times I have known in my heart that it really did make the other person feel great and quite a few times, I could sense that it was probably the nicest thing that had happened to them in some time. Like I said earlier, it doesn't take anything away from you and it isn't any harder to be nice to someone. Try it....it may just make you feel better about yourself too.

Use a 'Filter"....for crying out loud!

Today Gommy is going to talk about filters....not the kind you use on your car....the kind you should implement and engage from your brain to your mouth, before saying whatever is on your mind. Some people may think of this as being 'stifled' or allowing others to boss you around or even that you don't have a say in your own life. I prefer to think of it as a protective habit to use to insure that you don't hurt yourself or others with words that cannot be taken back.

For example; say a friend at work tells you something in confidence and it is something about another co-worker who you actually like better....quick....'filter' yourself. Or another word might be to 'process' all the information and don't act on it or give your opinion right away.....A good thing to say so you can 'buy' yourself some time is "Ahhhhh, really?" This is noncommittal and the gossiper actually thinks you are agreeing with them. Strange how that always works that way. People think they are right and of course you must be agreeing with them, even though you are only saying, 'ahhh, really?' Another example would be when your spouse or anyone is verbally attacking you; just don't answer right away (filtering again) and if you give them enough space between their yelling, they usually can see how irrational they sound. It is really amazing how when you don't escalate the disagreement by verbalizing your defense or opinion of the issue, it diffuses the other persons' tantrum. Try it, it works. Remember, it takes two to argue and if you don't answer, game over....

Now, Gommy had to learn this the hard way. It didn't just come naturally. I can't tell you how many emails I have flipped off and then immediately regretted it and wished I could retrieve it from the Ethernet....Or times I have said something I realized was hurtful and being stupidly stubborn, couldn't get myself to apologise and just left it sitting there going stinky in the air between someone I really cared about and myself. There have also been too many instances where I was dead wrong about an issue and at the time, no one could have told me I was wrong....Hindsight is always 20/20. Most people just don't ever own up to being wrong and the bad blood just gets worse and worse.

I recently had an incident that really befuddled me. I thought I was doing everything I could to help someone at the time and another person told tales on me to try to make me look like the baddie. I fell in the trap of becoming defensive (it's soooo easy to do) and when I finally just told myself, "Self, just let it go. You know what you did and what your intentions were.", everything turned out okay and I was vindicated. If I would have continued with the protesting, I would have looked like the Shakespear saying, "The Lady doth protest too much, methinks!" He meant that if you really didn't do anything wrong, quit defending yourself and if you did do it, you are proving your guilt by continuing to try to persuade everyone that you are innocent. And low and behold, just by letting it lie there without any futher attention to the issue, it just went away. And in the meantime, the other person apologised to me (sort of) for the 'misunderstanding'. I really did learn a good 'life lesson' with that one. Just keep doing what is right and all will be well.