Hello again boys and girls. It's raining in Gommy's part of the world today. Don't you just love how the rain seems to wash everything clean and makes it all smell so fresh again? Or how about taking a nice long nap while it is pouring outside and you are all snuggly in your comfy warm bed, and maybe the windows are open so you can hear the rain falling down and maybe your curtains are gently moving with the breeze coming in. Ahhhhh... it doesn't get much better than that...now does it? Except, maybe you had a tin roof on your home hmmmmmmmmm.....Gommy has slept in a house with a tin roof before and those yummy naps are just about the best naps you could ever have.
But today, Gommy wants to talk about knowing when it is right to hold em' or to fold em'. Meaning, when is it the right time to look for another way of making things work out for whatever is on your 'life plate' at this time. A motivational speaker named Bob Proctor told a story about a fly that was trying to fly 'through' a plate glass window one day. It kept trying and trying and finally, it just fell dead onto the window sill. It just wouldn't give up the notion that it could 'do it' if it tried hard enough and long enough. The funny thing though, is that there was an open door only about ten feet away. If the silly fly had just looked around and noticed that there was an easier route it could have taken...it might still be alive to try another way.
This by no means is meant to imply that we should always look for the easier way around something. It is just meant to show that if we have really given it our 'all' and it seems as if we aren't making much headway on a particular issue at hand....maybe there is another route we can take after all. Gommy read a wonderful quote once that said, "Courage doesn't always roar, sometimes it's a small voice saying I will try again tomorrow." Now Gommys wants to add that maybe it could mean we could try something different and not as difficult to solve the 'whatever' crisis is in your world at that moment.
Sometimes we may feel as if we are constantly butting our 'heads' up against the 'plate-glass window' of life i.e. issues or arguments or work problems or disagreements with loved ones. But it just might be possible to look for ways to get around the angst these problems are posing for us. Say we don't get along with a certain co-worker....we can try as much as possible to avoid interaction with that person. If it is an argument that you just can't seem to come to agreement about with a family member or friend.....agree to disagree. We don't always have to think the same way another person does. Gommy has always said that, "If you never disagree.....only one person is doing the thinking." Compromise is a way to settle some things. But you can't be the one to be expected to do the compromising all the time either. Take turns.....Gommys always says ;-]
But back to the fly and the glass. We sometimes try to make mountains out of molehills (hmmmmm, Gommy seems to keep using innocent creatures in her metaphors today)......but the fact remains that if we continue to blindly push and push and push at an issue and/or argument, etc., we don't allow ourselves the opportunity to find another way to find our success. In essence, we are shooting ourselves in our own foot. There might be a much easier way around....without 'killing' yourself like the poor fly did!
So, have a great day folks. Take another look if something has you stumped at the moment and just rethink it. And if it happens to be raining in your corner of the world.....have a great nap! Everything always looks better after you sleep on it! Hugs and Mush, Gommy
Friday, July 23, 2010
Monday, July 19, 2010
It Is Better to Give Than to Receive....No....Really...It is!
Hi boys and girls. Hope everyone is doing well. For today, Gommy wants to talk about the premise that giving is an essential part of the human experience. Gommy was (still am) an only child and only children can sometimes grow up without ever knowing how it is to share anything. This can cause the 'only' some problems when it becomes evident that someone wants a bit of what 'we' have.
One of the lessons Gommy believes she still has to learn is the lesson of 'freely' giving. That is; giving without concern that it will mean having less. Gommy knows this is a lesson I still have to learn because we are all here to learn lessons and Gommy hasn't gotten this one down as thoroughly as need be. We are given 'little hints' along the way and the 'smarter' ones of us (the conscious/awakened ones), pick up on the hints quicker than the rest of us......YUP...Gommy still needs the proverbial 'brick to the head' to sometimes get the aha moment, or the light bulb to come on in the old thinking part of the brain, or the epiphany that Goms needs to awaken to these lessons. Slow learner I guess. But, eventually, Gommy can be heard (if only to herself) to have one of those, "Ohhhhhhhhhh, now I get it." moments and everything becomes 'crystal' clear all of a sudden. All of a sudden???....Are you kidding Goms???? The whole wall has to fall sometimes before the awakening moment happens. DUH Goms!
On the subject of sharing and giving, it has come to Gom's attention through studying about spirituality, the Bible, listening to self-help tapes and on an on ad nauseum.....that to receive anything (and that really means anything) you must give it. Doesn't make sense does it? Didn't for Gommy for a very LONG TIME either. Remember, anything that you truly want or feel you 'need'....you are withholding it. You must give it to receive it. Need love.....give it.....need money....give it....need to be understood.....understand others. See.....give and take. Reap and sow. It's the way it was set up.....so don't try to disagree (mess) with Mother Nature....you know how that can end up. YIKES!!!!
Here, let Gommy try to explain. There is something called 'Dynamic Exchange" which means in everything, there is the law (Divine/Universal Law) that states: for life to perpetuate itself, there must be an exchange. We have hot and cold climate changes......we have up and down, ebb and flow of tides, night and day, black and white and life and death, etc. You can also call it Reaping and Sowing or Karma or Yin and Yang, depending on what part of the world you are from. There are opposites at all levels of life. Everything at the most basic level is engaged in giving and receiving. Energy is given, energy is received. Even with our human bodies we see this dynamic exchange taking place. One type of cell may require the assistance of another type of cell in our body, and in turn the helped cell will provide a different service back to the cell that just helped it out. This is a critical process, and without it, life would cease to exist.
One of the lessons Gommy believes she still has to learn is the lesson of 'freely' giving. That is; giving without concern that it will mean having less. Gommy knows this is a lesson I still have to learn because we are all here to learn lessons and Gommy hasn't gotten this one down as thoroughly as need be. We are given 'little hints' along the way and the 'smarter' ones of us (the conscious/awakened ones), pick up on the hints quicker than the rest of us......YUP...Gommy still needs the proverbial 'brick to the head' to sometimes get the aha moment, or the light bulb to come on in the old thinking part of the brain, or the epiphany that Goms needs to awaken to these lessons. Slow learner I guess. But, eventually, Gommy can be heard (if only to herself) to have one of those, "Ohhhhhhhhhh, now I get it." moments and everything becomes 'crystal' clear all of a sudden. All of a sudden???....Are you kidding Goms???? The whole wall has to fall sometimes before the awakening moment happens. DUH Goms!
On the subject of sharing and giving, it has come to Gom's attention through studying about spirituality, the Bible, listening to self-help tapes and on an on ad nauseum.....that to receive anything (and that really means anything) you must give it. Doesn't make sense does it? Didn't for Gommy for a very LONG TIME either. Remember, anything that you truly want or feel you 'need'....you are withholding it. You must give it to receive it. Need love.....give it.....need money....give it....need to be understood.....understand others. See.....give and take. Reap and sow. It's the way it was set up.....so don't try to disagree (mess) with Mother Nature....you know how that can end up. YIKES!!!!
Here, let Gommy try to explain. There is something called 'Dynamic Exchange" which means in everything, there is the law (Divine/Universal Law) that states: for life to perpetuate itself, there must be an exchange. We have hot and cold climate changes......we have up and down, ebb and flow of tides, night and day, black and white and life and death, etc. You can also call it Reaping and Sowing or Karma or Yin and Yang, depending on what part of the world you are from. There are opposites at all levels of life. Everything at the most basic level is engaged in giving and receiving. Energy is given, energy is received. Even with our human bodies we see this dynamic exchange taking place. One type of cell may require the assistance of another type of cell in our body, and in turn the helped cell will provide a different service back to the cell that just helped it out. This is a critical process, and without it, life would cease to exist.
Abundance begins with the proper mindset. When you give, what you are telling your subconscious mind is, "I am receiving abundance; so much that I can give something in return." By communicating this message over and over, you are making the exchange that Gommy was talking about earlier. You thoughts, actions, and the choices you make will be thought of in the new mindset of abundance. It is only a matter of time before your wishes and hopes are materialized. And this is with most anything you can imagine. If you focus on what your intentions are long enough and deeply enough, you will manifest what you long for.
Nature hates a vacuum. Any empty spot will be quickly filled up again. Look at a lawn....take out a patch of weeds and the grass will grow to meet it. Clear off your calendar for some R&R and pretty soon you are completely covered up with things to do again. And the Law of Abundance tells us that we will create our own reality by our desires for things, money, people i.e. a spouse and child. So, when you are generous with something and give 'whatever' away....somehow, more of it shows up in our lives. Have you ever thought about how you clean out your refrigerator and it is almost empty.....and pretty soon.....in a few months....it is jam crammed with food again and you need to clean it out again. Or how about your shoes. Those of us who are fortunate enough, probably have more shoes than we have days left.....But, give them away and pretty soon.....voila' the shoe Fairy has replaced your shoe inventory to overflowing once again. (With a little help from her friends, tee, hee) . So, it appears that whenever you empty out (or give) stuff away, you make space more stuff to replace it. And surprisingly, you end up with more stuff than you had before.
The Law of Karma states, in the simplest terms, that what goes around comes around. You will remember how the New Testament expresses the thought: "whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap." That is just what karma means -- it is a Sanskrit term used in Hindu and Buddhist philosophy to signify 'action' followed by reaction the actions you take in each moment add up to your results in the future. If you’re constantly giving on a daily basis, you can be sure the life you’re creating for yourself in the future is a great one. So just because the premise of Karma comes from another area of the world, it is not reason to fear the concept. It is the same as the Bible using Reap and Sow.
The same holds true of gratitude. We must always be grateful for those Blessings we receive. And here is another 'secret' Gommy is going to share with you. It isn't only that you do give or what you give.....it is in the way you feel when you give. If you give with reluctance or bitterness.....guess what?.....not so good.....You must give with the right intentions....and not expect anything in return. You must be happy to give and enjoy giving whatever it is. And it doesn't have to be anything material. It can be as simple as a nod, a song, a compliment or a smile. Just give it with an open heart. The more you give.....the more you receive.
So, Gommy has to work on this premise more to get it down so it comes more freely without the worry that it will deplete my store of 'whatever' because it won't. Now, Grandpa has it down pat already. In fact, Goms has to hold the reins sometimes so he doesn't give everything away. But Grandpa is supposed to be teaching Goms the lesson that it is alright to give....and to be gracious while doing so. Thank you Grandpa. Everyone that comes into our lives is meant to teach us lessons. We keep teaching each other stuff all the time. And you know what? It gets easier as we go along. In fact, we are at the place now where we are actually looking for the lessons. It is so much easier than getting hit over the head all the time.
So, boys and girls.....give it a try. You've heard the old saying, "Give til' it hurts.".......Well practice giving and giving and giving.....until it doesn't hurt any longer. You can do it.... Gommy is pulling for you (and for Gommy too...tee, hee) Hugs and Mush.....Gommy
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Give Me That Old Time....Anything Actually
Good Sunday all. Gommy's Blog Title is really from a song, "Give Me That Old Time Religion" and the next part is, "It's good Enough For Me." That is how Gommy feels about the old times in quite a few respects.
Watching the British Open today, a commercial came on about the organization First Tee. It was saying how golf can help teach young kids about qualities that lay the foundation for good character as they mature.
The more Gommy got to thinking about it.....the more that made sense. Now, Goms is by no means a golfer....but I live with one who is about as straight an arrow as you'll ever find. And he (Grandpa Mike) has been involved with golf since he was a kid too. Maybe some of the fundamentals of golf helped mold Grandpa's value system.
Take the part of golf that requires perseverance. You must never give up in a game of golf because your very next shot could change the whole outcome of the match. Just as your opponents next bad shot can put them behind and give you the chance to catch up. In life, the next corner you go around could be the big chance encounter you've been hoping for to make it big. Or if you keep believing in your dream of 'whatever', it could eventually happen for you and in contrast, if you give up...it can never come true for you.
Now stay with Goms here......you may not even like the game of golf, but imagine that Goms is just giving out some pointers on how to improve your life. The next part of the game of golf involves respect. You must show respect for your fellow teammates or opponents in the game of golf (life). Without respect, we won't get very far in either. If we don't show respect for others, how can they show us any in return? Reap and sow...remember?
You also have to be courteous when playing golf. Just as a reminder....each time Gommy references golf, put in the reference to life also. A courteous golfer would never step in the line of another golfer's putt. They wouldn't do that because it might put a mark where the line of the ball would go and that wouldn't be sportsman-like. They would never talk when another player is getting ready to hit. They tell the other player 'good shot/putt' when they have a good hit. The same goes for being courteous in life. We should never butt in line when a group of people are politely waiting their turn. We should congratulate someone for a job well done. We should not butt into other peoples conversations and/or business. Are we seeing a pattern here boys and girls?
The respect part comes in when you finish the match and even if you lose, you shake the other players hand and tell them they did a great job and you enjoyed playing with them. Now this could be the biggest prize money you will ever win and sometimes it comes down to a half a million dollars between first and second place, but you still practice good sportsmanship and congratulate your opponent. You would want the other person to congratulate you if you won wouldn't you? Come on....Gommy knows you would! There....that's better ;-]]
Self-respect comes into play in golf/life too. How many times have we seen a golfer or another sports figure throw their equipment when they have a bad hit or play? One time is too many if you ask Gommy. Who are they getting mad at anyway? They are the ones who did the mistake. It is 'their bad' as the kids of today say. So get over yourself. Acting a fool is only reinforcing that you are, in fact, a fool.
So boys and Girls......are we beginning to see that the game of golf really is much like the game of life? If we play it correctly, we act with civility (after all, the last time Gommy checked, we did still live in a 'civilization'). And we can go far with the values we have taken away from perseverance, respect and courtesy. These are values that have seemed to disappear lately in the world. People are too quick to be loud mouths, defame others, not respect themselves or anyone very much and quite often, they butt their noses into everyone elses' business, lives and politics and make fun of the less fortunate. It was a much more polite society back in the day...a long, long time ago in a far away....or no, that was a movie.......when people actually were polite and cared more about how they conducted their own lives. It's hard to manage your own "stuff" properly when you are trying to tend to everyone elses stuff!
So, Gommy just wants to say that I'll take the old times any day....when people were more polite, courteous, had values, had self-respect and minded their own business because..........That's Good Enough For Me!!! Have a splendiferous week boys and girls. Gommy is pulling for you.
Hugs & Mush, ((-.-))
Watching the British Open today, a commercial came on about the organization First Tee. It was saying how golf can help teach young kids about qualities that lay the foundation for good character as they mature.
The more Gommy got to thinking about it.....the more that made sense. Now, Goms is by no means a golfer....but I live with one who is about as straight an arrow as you'll ever find. And he (Grandpa Mike) has been involved with golf since he was a kid too. Maybe some of the fundamentals of golf helped mold Grandpa's value system.
Take the part of golf that requires perseverance. You must never give up in a game of golf because your very next shot could change the whole outcome of the match. Just as your opponents next bad shot can put them behind and give you the chance to catch up. In life, the next corner you go around could be the big chance encounter you've been hoping for to make it big. Or if you keep believing in your dream of 'whatever', it could eventually happen for you and in contrast, if you give up...it can never come true for you.
Now stay with Goms here......you may not even like the game of golf, but imagine that Goms is just giving out some pointers on how to improve your life. The next part of the game of golf involves respect. You must show respect for your fellow teammates or opponents in the game of golf (life). Without respect, we won't get very far in either. If we don't show respect for others, how can they show us any in return? Reap and sow...remember?
You also have to be courteous when playing golf. Just as a reminder....each time Gommy references golf, put in the reference to life also. A courteous golfer would never step in the line of another golfer's putt. They wouldn't do that because it might put a mark where the line of the ball would go and that wouldn't be sportsman-like. They would never talk when another player is getting ready to hit. They tell the other player 'good shot/putt' when they have a good hit. The same goes for being courteous in life. We should never butt in line when a group of people are politely waiting their turn. We should congratulate someone for a job well done. We should not butt into other peoples conversations and/or business. Are we seeing a pattern here boys and girls?
The respect part comes in when you finish the match and even if you lose, you shake the other players hand and tell them they did a great job and you enjoyed playing with them. Now this could be the biggest prize money you will ever win and sometimes it comes down to a half a million dollars between first and second place, but you still practice good sportsmanship and congratulate your opponent. You would want the other person to congratulate you if you won wouldn't you? Come on....Gommy knows you would! There....that's better ;-]]
Self-respect comes into play in golf/life too. How many times have we seen a golfer or another sports figure throw their equipment when they have a bad hit or play? One time is too many if you ask Gommy. Who are they getting mad at anyway? They are the ones who did the mistake. It is 'their bad' as the kids of today say. So get over yourself. Acting a fool is only reinforcing that you are, in fact, a fool.
So boys and Girls......are we beginning to see that the game of golf really is much like the game of life? If we play it correctly, we act with civility (after all, the last time Gommy checked, we did still live in a 'civilization'). And we can go far with the values we have taken away from perseverance, respect and courtesy. These are values that have seemed to disappear lately in the world. People are too quick to be loud mouths, defame others, not respect themselves or anyone very much and quite often, they butt their noses into everyone elses' business, lives and politics and make fun of the less fortunate. It was a much more polite society back in the day...a long, long time ago in a far away....or no, that was a movie.......when people actually were polite and cared more about how they conducted their own lives. It's hard to manage your own "stuff" properly when you are trying to tend to everyone elses stuff!
So, Gommy just wants to say that I'll take the old times any day....when people were more polite, courteous, had values, had self-respect and minded their own business because..........That's Good Enough For Me!!! Have a splendiferous week boys and girls. Gommy is pulling for you.
Hugs & Mush, ((-.-))
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
To Be or Not To Be.....or To Be..... Or.....
Hello boys and girls. Today Gommy wants to talk about trying to decide which way is the 'right' way to move forward in life. There are many 'forks' in the proverbial 'road of life' and it can be very gut wrenching when the decision has a time limit on it. Gommy will explain more about the 'gut' part later on......
Gommy has always been a firm believer in the - 'there are 3 sides of every story' angle of things. There is the his/hers or Its' (meaning the choice) and then finally the TRUTH. And the truth can be interpreted as the 'right' way to go. But the 'right' way is different for each of us. Gommy's way may not necessarily work for Susie or Sammy or whomever. There are extenuating circumstances for each and every situation in which we find ourselves.
When we can learn to 'go with the flow'.....another belief Goms has learned to live by....we find it is easier to calm down and think rationally. Gommy once told in an earlier blog, of another time while hostessing a baby shower, that in wanting desperately (maybe too desperately) for everything to go just 'right'.... that a guest at the party referred to Gommy as a 'Shower Nazi'. Ouch....did that hurt.... But you know what? She was right. Gommy was over orchestrating every aspect of the shower to the extent that it was more like a painful 'can't wait to get the heck out of here' experience for the guests. Even though Gommy just wanted to make everything 'perfect'..... from the food to the games to the gifts being opened.....it seemed more like a regimented event to the guests who should have been enjoying themselves. Gommy can look back now and thank that woman (who Goms didn't even know because she was the mommy-to-be's friend). The woman turned out to be one of the 'teachers in life' brought to Gommy to learn a lesson from.
NOW.... Gommy is a 'recovering' worrier, over-achiever, over-organizer, etc. Sometimes it takes a slap in the face (not a real one but an emotional one) or a glass of cold water in the face (again, just pretend) to wake up to how we are acting and how we are being perceived by other people. If that woman hadn't said anything...Gommy would have thought that everyone was having a good time and might not have made the 'correction' (note to self) to LIGHTEN UP GOMS!!!!! If that 'teacher' hadn't brought it to Gommy's attention.....Goms might still be thinking the way to MAKE everyone have a good time is to do it the 'XYZ' way (actually it was Gommy's way) or else everyone wouldn't have fun.....Of course the honoree of the party would never have said anything except thank you for such a nice party and Goms would have smugly thought.....'Mission Accomplished' and oh-boy did I do a great job on that party. NOT!!!
So, the lesson to learn here is that we may have our heads down and plow through life the way we 'feel' it should be lived or..... we can look up every once in a while and BREATHE.....and see that everyone has their own frequency tuned into the way THEY feel they want to live. It isn't any of our business how someone else raises their children, earns a living, listens to their favorite kind of music.....etc. and on and on. But we should take the time to assess how WE are doing along the way.
If there is a 'fork' in your road coming up soon.....think of how you feel about it in your head. Mull it over.....then think about how you feel about it in your heart....it will probably feel stronger when emotion comes into play. THEN....here is the big secret we usually miss.....lastly, think how you feel about it in your GUT. This is the 'gut part' Gommy referred to in the first part of today's blog. Your gut will never lie to you like your head and your heart does. We all have a built in radar....intuition.....or whatever it is that keeps us safe (or tries to at least). It is the feeling we get when we enter our house and think that a light is on that we didn't leave on.....or a looming dread about moving to a different state or a new job, or believing that spouse or lover whose story (you can insert alibi here if appropriate) doesn't jive.We usually listen to our hearts first.....then our heads start reaffirming what we have brought emotion into and can end up making some pretty yucky situations for ourselves to sort through. But if we listen to our guts...our intuition is usually 'right on'.
Gommy suggests that when and if the next decision that comes up in your lives is puzzling you...listen to your gut and if you just can't make up your mind after that......let go of the oars and ask God to take over. I hear He is pretty good at making things work properly. And if we do make a mistake.....guess what? God always allows U-Turns. Have a great week boys and girl. Gommy is pulling for you. ((-.-))
Gommy has always been a firm believer in the - 'there are 3 sides of every story' angle of things. There is the his/hers or Its' (meaning the choice) and then finally the TRUTH. And the truth can be interpreted as the 'right' way to go. But the 'right' way is different for each of us. Gommy's way may not necessarily work for Susie or Sammy or whomever. There are extenuating circumstances for each and every situation in which we find ourselves.
When we can learn to 'go with the flow'.....another belief Goms has learned to live by....we find it is easier to calm down and think rationally. Gommy once told in an earlier blog, of another time while hostessing a baby shower, that in wanting desperately (maybe too desperately) for everything to go just 'right'.... that a guest at the party referred to Gommy as a 'Shower Nazi'. Ouch....did that hurt.... But you know what? She was right. Gommy was over orchestrating every aspect of the shower to the extent that it was more like a painful 'can't wait to get the heck out of here' experience for the guests. Even though Gommy just wanted to make everything 'perfect'..... from the food to the games to the gifts being opened.....it seemed more like a regimented event to the guests who should have been enjoying themselves. Gommy can look back now and thank that woman (who Goms didn't even know because she was the mommy-to-be's friend). The woman turned out to be one of the 'teachers in life' brought to Gommy to learn a lesson from.
NOW.... Gommy is a 'recovering' worrier, over-achiever, over-organizer, etc. Sometimes it takes a slap in the face (not a real one but an emotional one) or a glass of cold water in the face (again, just pretend) to wake up to how we are acting and how we are being perceived by other people. If that woman hadn't said anything...Gommy would have thought that everyone was having a good time and might not have made the 'correction' (note to self) to LIGHTEN UP GOMS!!!!! If that 'teacher' hadn't brought it to Gommy's attention.....Goms might still be thinking the way to MAKE everyone have a good time is to do it the 'XYZ' way (actually it was Gommy's way) or else everyone wouldn't have fun.....Of course the honoree of the party would never have said anything except thank you for such a nice party and Goms would have smugly thought.....'Mission Accomplished' and oh-boy did I do a great job on that party. NOT!!!
So, the lesson to learn here is that we may have our heads down and plow through life the way we 'feel' it should be lived or..... we can look up every once in a while and BREATHE.....and see that everyone has their own frequency tuned into the way THEY feel they want to live. It isn't any of our business how someone else raises their children, earns a living, listens to their favorite kind of music.....etc. and on and on. But we should take the time to assess how WE are doing along the way.
If there is a 'fork' in your road coming up soon.....think of how you feel about it in your head. Mull it over.....then think about how you feel about it in your heart....it will probably feel stronger when emotion comes into play. THEN....here is the big secret we usually miss.....lastly, think how you feel about it in your GUT. This is the 'gut part' Gommy referred to in the first part of today's blog. Your gut will never lie to you like your head and your heart does. We all have a built in radar....intuition.....or whatever it is that keeps us safe (or tries to at least). It is the feeling we get when we enter our house and think that a light is on that we didn't leave on.....or a looming dread about moving to a different state or a new job, or believing that spouse or lover whose story (you can insert alibi here if appropriate) doesn't jive.We usually listen to our hearts first.....then our heads start reaffirming what we have brought emotion into and can end up making some pretty yucky situations for ourselves to sort through. But if we listen to our guts...our intuition is usually 'right on'.
Gommy suggests that when and if the next decision that comes up in your lives is puzzling you...listen to your gut and if you just can't make up your mind after that......let go of the oars and ask God to take over. I hear He is pretty good at making things work properly. And if we do make a mistake.....guess what? God always allows U-Turns. Have a great week boys and girl. Gommy is pulling for you. ((-.-))
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Sustainable Happiness
Hello boys and girls. Goms wants to talk about being happy today. Wouldn't it be great if we could just be happy all the time? Just this morning, Gommy went to the store and ran right into a Grump-Bucket. Now, it was very early....about 8 AM so Gommy wondered how this clerk got so grumpy so early in the day. So as not to be 'grumped upon'.....Gommy looked at the clerk and asked her, "How are you today?" You would have thought Gommy had asked her if she would like a slap in the face. Not that Gommy was thinking anything like that..... Her shocked response was a terse, " FINE." Geesh....she didn't act as if everything was fine.
Now, Gommy knows there are morning people and there are people who don't especially love mornings...in fact they act as if it they are IN 'mourning' until sometime in the afternoon. Gommy's advice to the latter group of people is.....STAY HOME AND AWAY FROM OTHER HUMANS UNTIL YOU CAN BE CIVIL. O.K.???? Deal??? If you don't like people...try being a veterinarian's helper, or overnight stock person, or hey....here's an idea....how about a funeral home? Not too many people there who would expect you to be perky or even to smile much.
Upon further examination of why some people are so darned unhappy, Gommy wondered how we could try to establish a sustainable happiness. It seems that once people get in the place where they are certifiable 'Grump-Buckets'...they tend to stay that way. It is probably because not many 'regular' people enjoy being around a grump-puss for very long so they just seem to wallow in the slop-pond of nastiness forever. It would be great if there was this great big Neon Sign that pointed out, "This way to happiness". But, sadly, that isn't how it works. But the good thing is that if we practice being happy.....and ACT like we are happy.....we sometimes find that we become happy by accident. You know....fake it till you make it....OOPS, that is another subject. But faking happiness can work that way too. There was a study that showed if you smile, you have a harder time thinking unhappy thoughts. Now Goms knows we can't be in blissful happiness all the time, but when we notice we are hopping on the 'nasty-train'....we can try to self-correct.
You can begin by smiling at people at your job. You can say good-morning to perfect strangers. Why do they call them perfect......when we don't even know them??? Sorry, Goms went veering off there for a minute. You can look people in the eye and nod towards them in passing. It is all really a matter of civility. It doesn't cost a red cent and it could end up making you or the other person feel a little bit nicer for the rest of the day. Same goes for a compliment. It doesn't take anything away from you to tell someone they look nice or they did a good job and it just may be the nicest thing that anyone has done for that person in a long time. Don't we all like a little recognition or a pat on the back at times? Gommy does :=]
Gommy lived in a time when the people who worked at stores were supposed to be nice to the customers. It was mandatory. Maybe that seems funny.......forced or expected to be nice. What happened to wanting to be nice? And where in the heck did all that niceness go? Were we all just faking it? Well, if we were.....it worked. Just proof of what Gommy said about practicing being happy or nice and eventually you might accidentally find yourself being happy or nice. Remember....your attitude is contagious. Are you sure yours is worth catching? Maybe you should vaccinate yourself against being a grump puss.......with a smile and a shot of the niceness! Try it. It really isn't all that hard. You turn your lips upward instead of frowning and looking mean. Smile, smile, smile, practice....practice....practice. Good job boys and girls. Gommy is proud of you ((^o^))
Now, Gommy knows there are morning people and there are people who don't especially love mornings...in fact they act as if it they are IN 'mourning' until sometime in the afternoon. Gommy's advice to the latter group of people is.....STAY HOME AND AWAY FROM OTHER HUMANS UNTIL YOU CAN BE CIVIL. O.K.???? Deal??? If you don't like people...try being a veterinarian's helper, or overnight stock person, or hey....here's an idea....how about a funeral home? Not too many people there who would expect you to be perky or even to smile much.
Upon further examination of why some people are so darned unhappy, Gommy wondered how we could try to establish a sustainable happiness. It seems that once people get in the place where they are certifiable 'Grump-Buckets'...they tend to stay that way. It is probably because not many 'regular' people enjoy being around a grump-puss for very long so they just seem to wallow in the slop-pond of nastiness forever. It would be great if there was this great big Neon Sign that pointed out, "This way to happiness". But, sadly, that isn't how it works. But the good thing is that if we practice being happy.....and ACT like we are happy.....we sometimes find that we become happy by accident. You know....fake it till you make it....OOPS, that is another subject. But faking happiness can work that way too. There was a study that showed if you smile, you have a harder time thinking unhappy thoughts. Now Goms knows we can't be in blissful happiness all the time, but when we notice we are hopping on the 'nasty-train'....we can try to self-correct.
You can begin by smiling at people at your job. You can say good-morning to perfect strangers. Why do they call them perfect......when we don't even know them??? Sorry, Goms went veering off there for a minute. You can look people in the eye and nod towards them in passing. It is all really a matter of civility. It doesn't cost a red cent and it could end up making you or the other person feel a little bit nicer for the rest of the day. Same goes for a compliment. It doesn't take anything away from you to tell someone they look nice or they did a good job and it just may be the nicest thing that anyone has done for that person in a long time. Don't we all like a little recognition or a pat on the back at times? Gommy does :=]
Gommy lived in a time when the people who worked at stores were supposed to be nice to the customers. It was mandatory. Maybe that seems funny.......forced or expected to be nice. What happened to wanting to be nice? And where in the heck did all that niceness go? Were we all just faking it? Well, if we were.....it worked. Just proof of what Gommy said about practicing being happy or nice and eventually you might accidentally find yourself being happy or nice. Remember....your attitude is contagious. Are you sure yours is worth catching? Maybe you should vaccinate yourself against being a grump puss.......with a smile and a shot of the niceness! Try it. It really isn't all that hard. You turn your lips upward instead of frowning and looking mean. Smile, smile, smile, practice....practice....practice. Good job boys and girls. Gommy is proud of you ((^o^))
Sunday, July 4, 2010
How Will You Have That....Simple or Complex???
Happy Fourth of July everyone! This is always a happy holiday. Friends and family getting together to celebrate our Nations' birthday. Picnics, yard games, beach parties and then......FIREWORKS!!! Hope everyone has a marvelous day.
Now, onto a more introspective thought. Gommmy has been searching for why we think and behave certain ways and there are quite a few very wise people out there who are generous enough to help us find those reasons if we really want to get to the bottoms of why we do what we do.
It turns out that we have to ask ourselves some pretty hard questions and be brutally honest with ourselves with the answers. Carl Jung, the Swiss psychiatrist who is studied by many for his theories on modern psychology and psychiatry said, "Our most important problems cannot be solved......they must be outgrown." Besides Sigmund Freud, no one has had a bigger impact on these studies than Carl Jung.
Carl Jung considered the process of individuation necessary for a person to become 'whole'. This is a psychological process of integrating the conscious with the unconscious mind, while still maintaining conscious autonomy. This process was the central concept of analytical psychology.
If you have read any of Gommy's Goodies before, you know that Goms is big on talking about the monkey-talk we all have going on in our minds every moment of every day. Those thoughts can be positive or they can be negative. Sadly, for most people, the thoughts are negative. But, if we can ask ourselves the four 'Simple' questions to the very 'Complex' monkey-talk junk that we make ourselves miserable with, we may just get off the 'crazy train' and be able to live with ourselves in peace. Isn't that a grand concept? Carl Jung said that, "the pendulum of the mind oscillates between sense and nonsense, not between right and wrong."
Byron Katie, an American speaker and author, who teaches a method of self-inquiry called 'The Work', has shed light on a very important process to rid ourselves of unnecessary stress and sadness. Byron herself, was severely depressed in her early thirties and even contemplated suicide. She suffered for years until one day, she said she had an epiphany....she found that when she believed her thoughts she suffered and when she chose not to believe her monkey-talk (Gommys' words) she didn't suffer and that was the beginning of finding joy in her life and the end of suffering as she had known it. Byron Katie has come up with four basic questions we can ask ourselves to use as a paradigm (a pattern or a model) to turn around the self loathing we have, the insecure us, the sad us.......etc. Ready? Question #1) is the thought you are thinking true? #2) can you be absolutely SURE that it is true? #3) how do you react and feel when you think the thought? #4) who would you be without the thought?
As an example, let's say the thought is that you need approval to live your life a certain way.......referring to the first question, is it true? At first, you may or may not say yes.....then go on to the next question.....Can you be absolutely SURE that it is true? Gotcha' there....because there are no ABSOLUTES in the world, so no one can be absolutely sure it is true. Next question....how do you react when you think that thought? You probably feel insecure, stressed, not at peace, you might feel someone or a group of someones won't like you if you aren't like xyz, you become self-conscious of your actions, you may act out to gain attention, or worst of all.....you change who you really are and you try to be more like xyz so you can fit in....and when you do that, you aren't you any longer, so you don't like you and then it really gets confusing because if the 'people' don't like you......they aren't really even seeing the real you because you have covered up the real you with this facade (imitation)of who you are trying to be.
WHEW!!! That seems like an awful lot of work to do to hide your authentic self. Why not try just being you? It is a whole lot more simple and when you ask yourself the last question....who would you be without the thought?....the answer would be LESS STRESSED AND MORE AT PEACE. Wow...you didn't even have to go through all that stuff and stress to begin with. You could have just been you to begin with before the monkey-talk started. Byron Katie also says that when you argue with reality.....you lose. But only 100% of the time.
Gommy wonders why so many people try to keep all the 'facade balls' up in the air all the time anyway. If you question someone about why they don't do the steps to change so they can feel better about themselves, they always come up with excuses. Wayne Dyer wrote a book called "Excuses Be Gone". His premise is that we have these excuses that won't allow us to do the steps it takes to examine why we do what we do that isn't making us 'happy campers'. Suffering is always caused by a deeply embedded belief about ourselves or or our situation, that we aren't comfortable about living with. Or a state of blind attachment to something you think is true and for some reason, you are not willing to give up at this time. He says there is the 'I don't have the time to do the work' excuse - there is the 'it's going to be too hard to change' excuse - or the 'I'm afraid of what I may find out about myself' excuse - or the 'I'm not smart enough to figure it out' excuse......etc. , etc., etc. Or, to put it another way, YADA,YADA,YADA!!! BLAH, BLAH, BLAH!!!!
If we try to live our lives for other peoples' approval, or we aren't happy with what we have and are trying to always reach for something else, we can never find happiness. Happiness is wanting what you have....not having what you want. And it's not striving for something other than your reality to find happiness. Wayne Dyer tells a parable about a very poor woman who lived in a shack by the side of a river. She had none of the things most people think they need to be happy. She had a sack with some bread in it and she was sitting by the water one day and saw a beautiful precious stone reflecting back at her in the water. She picked up the precious stone and being as poor as she was, she realized this stone would allow her to have abundance and prosperity for the rest of her life. She put the precious stone in her bread sack and just then an itinerant man who was poor as well, came up to her and said he was very hungry and could she give him something to eat. She said of course and reached into her sack and brought out a piece of bread. As she did this, the traveler noticed the precious stone and said to the woman, "I would like to have that stone. May I have it?" She said, "Of course." and she handed it to the man. The man knew instantly that this would bring him much money and was the very success he had been looking for all of his life and he walked on with his journey. The next day, the man came back to the woman and handed her back the precious stone and said, "I'm giving you back this stone.....but I want something more valuable than this from you." The woman looked at him in amazement and said, "But, whatever could that be?" She knew she had nothing else that was as valuable as that precious stone. The man answered, "I want what you have inside of you that allowed you to give me that precious stone."
We already have what is most important in our 'Life'......right inside of us. It may take a little work to get at it.....but it is really worth the effort boys and girls. Gommy's wish for you all is that you may find your peace with yourself and your 'Life'. We are Blessed with so much....but we take so much for granted....we struggle with things we don't need to struggle with.... If we could only realize that our only purpose in being here in this wonderful life is to be blissful. That is really all that God wants for us. Just as we want that for our children and loved ones. That is why He gave us so much beauty to enjoy, great foods to eat, love to find, and on and on and on if we just look up once in a while and appreciate and be grateful. Let's give it to Him..... what do you say? Have a wonderful life folks. You can do it. Gommy is pulling for you. You'll have to excuse Goms now.....I have some beach to enjoy and some fireworks to ohhh and 'awe' over later on.......Toodle- ooh and Hugs & Mush !
Now, onto a more introspective thought. Gommmy has been searching for why we think and behave certain ways and there are quite a few very wise people out there who are generous enough to help us find those reasons if we really want to get to the bottoms of why we do what we do.
It turns out that we have to ask ourselves some pretty hard questions and be brutally honest with ourselves with the answers. Carl Jung, the Swiss psychiatrist who is studied by many for his theories on modern psychology and psychiatry said, "Our most important problems cannot be solved......they must be outgrown." Besides Sigmund Freud, no one has had a bigger impact on these studies than Carl Jung.
Carl Jung considered the process of individuation necessary for a person to become 'whole'. This is a psychological process of integrating the conscious with the unconscious mind, while still maintaining conscious autonomy. This process was the central concept of analytical psychology.
If you have read any of Gommy's Goodies before, you know that Goms is big on talking about the monkey-talk we all have going on in our minds every moment of every day. Those thoughts can be positive or they can be negative. Sadly, for most people, the thoughts are negative. But, if we can ask ourselves the four 'Simple' questions to the very 'Complex' monkey-talk junk that we make ourselves miserable with, we may just get off the 'crazy train' and be able to live with ourselves in peace. Isn't that a grand concept? Carl Jung said that, "the pendulum of the mind oscillates between sense and nonsense, not between right and wrong."
Byron Katie, an American speaker and author, who teaches a method of self-inquiry called 'The Work', has shed light on a very important process to rid ourselves of unnecessary stress and sadness. Byron herself, was severely depressed in her early thirties and even contemplated suicide. She suffered for years until one day, she said she had an epiphany....she found that when she believed her thoughts she suffered and when she chose not to believe her monkey-talk (Gommys' words) she didn't suffer and that was the beginning of finding joy in her life and the end of suffering as she had known it. Byron Katie has come up with four basic questions we can ask ourselves to use as a paradigm (a pattern or a model) to turn around the self loathing we have, the insecure us, the sad us.......etc. Ready? Question #1) is the thought you are thinking true? #2) can you be absolutely SURE that it is true? #3) how do you react and feel when you think the thought? #4) who would you be without the thought?
As an example, let's say the thought is that you need approval to live your life a certain way.......referring to the first question, is it true? At first, you may or may not say yes.....then go on to the next question.....Can you be absolutely SURE that it is true? Gotcha' there....because there are no ABSOLUTES in the world, so no one can be absolutely sure it is true. Next question....how do you react when you think that thought? You probably feel insecure, stressed, not at peace, you might feel someone or a group of someones won't like you if you aren't like xyz, you become self-conscious of your actions, you may act out to gain attention, or worst of all.....you change who you really are and you try to be more like xyz so you can fit in....and when you do that, you aren't you any longer, so you don't like you and then it really gets confusing because if the 'people' don't like you......they aren't really even seeing the real you because you have covered up the real you with this facade (imitation)of who you are trying to be.
WHEW!!! That seems like an awful lot of work to do to hide your authentic self. Why not try just being you? It is a whole lot more simple and when you ask yourself the last question....who would you be without the thought?....the answer would be LESS STRESSED AND MORE AT PEACE. Wow...you didn't even have to go through all that stuff and stress to begin with. You could have just been you to begin with before the monkey-talk started. Byron Katie also says that when you argue with reality.....you lose. But only 100% of the time.
Gommy wonders why so many people try to keep all the 'facade balls' up in the air all the time anyway. If you question someone about why they don't do the steps to change so they can feel better about themselves, they always come up with excuses. Wayne Dyer wrote a book called "Excuses Be Gone". His premise is that we have these excuses that won't allow us to do the steps it takes to examine why we do what we do that isn't making us 'happy campers'. Suffering is always caused by a deeply embedded belief about ourselves or or our situation, that we aren't comfortable about living with. Or a state of blind attachment to something you think is true and for some reason, you are not willing to give up at this time. He says there is the 'I don't have the time to do the work' excuse - there is the 'it's going to be too hard to change' excuse - or the 'I'm afraid of what I may find out about myself' excuse - or the 'I'm not smart enough to figure it out' excuse......etc. , etc., etc. Or, to put it another way, YADA,YADA,YADA!!! BLAH, BLAH, BLAH!!!!
If we try to live our lives for other peoples' approval, or we aren't happy with what we have and are trying to always reach for something else, we can never find happiness. Happiness is wanting what you have....not having what you want. And it's not striving for something other than your reality to find happiness. Wayne Dyer tells a parable about a very poor woman who lived in a shack by the side of a river. She had none of the things most people think they need to be happy. She had a sack with some bread in it and she was sitting by the water one day and saw a beautiful precious stone reflecting back at her in the water. She picked up the precious stone and being as poor as she was, she realized this stone would allow her to have abundance and prosperity for the rest of her life. She put the precious stone in her bread sack and just then an itinerant man who was poor as well, came up to her and said he was very hungry and could she give him something to eat. She said of course and reached into her sack and brought out a piece of bread. As she did this, the traveler noticed the precious stone and said to the woman, "I would like to have that stone. May I have it?" She said, "Of course." and she handed it to the man. The man knew instantly that this would bring him much money and was the very success he had been looking for all of his life and he walked on with his journey. The next day, the man came back to the woman and handed her back the precious stone and said, "I'm giving you back this stone.....but I want something more valuable than this from you." The woman looked at him in amazement and said, "But, whatever could that be?" She knew she had nothing else that was as valuable as that precious stone. The man answered, "I want what you have inside of you that allowed you to give me that precious stone."
We already have what is most important in our 'Life'......right inside of us. It may take a little work to get at it.....but it is really worth the effort boys and girls. Gommy's wish for you all is that you may find your peace with yourself and your 'Life'. We are Blessed with so much....but we take so much for granted....we struggle with things we don't need to struggle with.... If we could only realize that our only purpose in being here in this wonderful life is to be blissful. That is really all that God wants for us. Just as we want that for our children and loved ones. That is why He gave us so much beauty to enjoy, great foods to eat, love to find, and on and on and on if we just look up once in a while and appreciate and be grateful. Let's give it to Him..... what do you say? Have a wonderful life folks. You can do it. Gommy is pulling for you. You'll have to excuse Goms now.....I have some beach to enjoy and some fireworks to ohhh and 'awe' over later on.......Toodle- ooh and Hugs & Mush !
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
EGO -SCHMEGO !
Hello boys and girls! Gommy was wondering why there are some people who just think they are 'all that and a bag of chips' and then there are others who think they aren't worth doodley squat and then there seems to be others who are just content to roll along day after day and are quite content to do so.
Goms thinks it boils down to our Ego. Ego is nothing more than the thoughts we keep telling ourselves over and over and in time we believe them. Ego is what defines who we 'say' we are in our thoughts. When we identify with the stories about 'us' that we have told ourselves so many times that we believe them, the end-product is 'me' (or you, as it were). If you have been telling yourself that you are ugly, fat, lazy, a loner....(or have had it told to you while you were still a child by some idiot), then you come to believe that is who you are. If, on the other hand, you were told that you were bright, pretty, diligent, industrious, etc. you would have that 'belief' of yourself and your ego.
Remember, a 'belief' is something you have been told or told yourself repeatedly until you finally do believe it. Another thing to remember is that we tend not to see how things are but how WE are by our thought processes that have been rehearsed in our minds. Another way to picture it is the monkey-talk we talk in our heads all the time. It has been studied and found that 90% of what most people monkey-talk to themselves is negative dribble...."I know I'm going to be late.....or....they're never going to give me a raise....or.....he's not going to ask me out.....or....she looks so much thinner than I do." And on and sadly on......!
Our egos like to keep our past alive and well in our 'now' presence, because without something to hash over and rehash over.....the ego gets pretty bored. The past is really nothing but a story. A story that has been shaped by our own filters, thought patterns and beliefs. Actually, you could say it is our thoughts 'conditioned' by the way we told our story to ourselves. But if you don't like your past (the story)....don't dwell on it and give it life every day, or give up or give in......just turn the page. The ego is always looking in the wrong places though to stay interested in our current lives. It is more interesting to the ego to find something to be negative about.
This is evident in some people who NEVER seem to be able to be made happy......It is because their ego is always looking for an 'a-huh moment'.......or an 'I gotcha' situation', because they have an unhappy ego from years of telling themselves stories full of negative junk, i.e. "Nothing good ever happens to me...... I'm always so unlucky....or nobody ever likes me.....or happiness is for everyone else." These negative people could be on vacation and check into a very nice motel or hotel and they just aren't going to be happy until they find that ONE thing that isn't absolutely perfect. You can actually see them scouring the place for one thing, person or circumstance to be a grump-bucket about. They are like, "I am so upset.... it/they shoulda, woulda, coulda done xyz...or look at that comforter...it's on crooked, or I'm going to tell the management that it took five whole minutes for the bell boy to come for our luggage." Geesh....if that is all that is wrong in their little part of the world....they don't know how really Blessed they are. But it is their ego that is nudging them on to be unpleasant. They love the DRAMA! It makes them the center of the Universe....or so they think. If they only could see themselves through everyone else's raised eyebrow eyes.
If we could all just appreciate things and people a little more and not nit pick as much, we would be a whole lot happier in this wonderful journey we are on. One meaning of the word appreciation is: increase the value of. That applies to the other meaning of appreciation which is feeling gratitude. If we really do feel gratitude.....we increase the value of our time here. To feel more appreciative, we need to stop looking back and not wishing for a better tomorrow. What we do have and all that we are guaranteed to ever have is NOW. Be present and focus on your 'NOW'. Take the time to notice all we have to be grateful for and notice the beauty of life, the flowers, the oceans and lakes and our family and on and on.
When we have a mental picture of who we are and someone questions that mental picture....we can come unglued. Say you picture yourself as a "Good Christian' and someone says that you weren't acting like a good Christian that day you did xyz. All of a sudden, you become defensive and maybe the 'SO-SO Christian' in you comes out. They didn't comply with the way you and your ego pictured yourself and them are fightin' words, aren't they? Or say you see yourself as the 'perfect' mother and someone questions the way you disciplined your child or let them stay up longer at night than the other person thinks is appropriate or some other questionable scenario.....you might just 'fly off the handle' and let them have a piece of your mind. Now, in reality, we all question (only to ourselves - for crying out loud) if we really are that picture of the choir member Christian or that perfect mother and when someone says something that brings it out in the open and to the surface, we become uncomfortable and want to defend our image.
Maybe we aren't all that perfect....maybe we do let our halo slip once in a while....but if we want to know if we are on the 'right track' and aren't veering too far off the 'reality train', we should notice how we are feeling and just how much of a reaction we may be having when someone questions our motives, actions or the way we picture our self in whatever 'role' it is. The farther your 'authentic self' is from the role you are playing...the more of an emotional toll it will have on you and the bigger the reaction you will have when your behavior or your choices are questioned. The closer you are living to your authentic self, the less it will bother you what any one's opinion of you is. No one wants to be revealed as being a fake. But the truth of the matter is, we all play roles in our lives. We are moms, dads, sisters, brothers, friends, teachers, bankers, doctors, etc. Each role acts and interacts differently with the other. We all know that we can let our guard down when we are among friends and family. But let the preacher or teacher come to our homes and ..........YIKES.....we are all righty-tidy and prim and proper. Or if we want a loan from our banker or we are applying for a job.....you can bet your sweet bippy that 'F-Bomb' will never slip out of your mouth during the interview. These are roles we play.......
How you are feeling in your life and with the roles you are playing, is a barometer to how authentic you are to your true self. If we are constantly struggling to 'BE' a certain way or to feel we are trying to live up to someone else's wants on how we are living.....we will be 'UN-happy campers'. Allowing someone else to live YOUR life is a pretty big sacrifice. We should be slightly selfish in life.....and by that Goms means that if we aren't happy.....we can hardly be expected to make anyone else happy. Back in Tennessee, there was a saying that is pretty prevalent in the Deep South...."If Mama ain't happy....ain't nobody happy!" But that is really the case no matter what part of the world we live in.
Sooooo, long story LONG......be happy. Be the real you. Make yourself happy and it will be a whole lot easier to make someone or anyone else happy. Don't believe all the negative junk you have told yourself all these years. Leave that sad, sad story of your past exactly where it belongs....in the PAST. If you had a great childhood, you were told you were a Gold-Star human being and you feel as if you are 'going with the flow' of life....go with that. But remember if you get too far from your authentic 'YOU'.....and you become upset when someone criticizes you or your choices....ask yourself if you are being the real you or the 'masked you'. You'll know. We always do.....some of us just don't want to admit it.....Happy days to all of you boys and girls. Remember what Gommy always says.....'Happiness....it IS a choice". Hugs and Mush, Gommy
Goms thinks it boils down to our Ego. Ego is nothing more than the thoughts we keep telling ourselves over and over and in time we believe them. Ego is what defines who we 'say' we are in our thoughts. When we identify with the stories about 'us' that we have told ourselves so many times that we believe them, the end-product is 'me' (or you, as it were). If you have been telling yourself that you are ugly, fat, lazy, a loner....(or have had it told to you while you were still a child by some idiot), then you come to believe that is who you are. If, on the other hand, you were told that you were bright, pretty, diligent, industrious, etc. you would have that 'belief' of yourself and your ego.
Remember, a 'belief' is something you have been told or told yourself repeatedly until you finally do believe it. Another thing to remember is that we tend not to see how things are but how WE are by our thought processes that have been rehearsed in our minds. Another way to picture it is the monkey-talk we talk in our heads all the time. It has been studied and found that 90% of what most people monkey-talk to themselves is negative dribble...."I know I'm going to be late.....or....they're never going to give me a raise....or.....he's not going to ask me out.....or....she looks so much thinner than I do." And on and sadly on......!
Our egos like to keep our past alive and well in our 'now' presence, because without something to hash over and rehash over.....the ego gets pretty bored. The past is really nothing but a story. A story that has been shaped by our own filters, thought patterns and beliefs. Actually, you could say it is our thoughts 'conditioned' by the way we told our story to ourselves. But if you don't like your past (the story)....don't dwell on it and give it life every day, or give up or give in......just turn the page. The ego is always looking in the wrong places though to stay interested in our current lives. It is more interesting to the ego to find something to be negative about.
This is evident in some people who NEVER seem to be able to be made happy......It is because their ego is always looking for an 'a-huh moment'.......or an 'I gotcha' situation', because they have an unhappy ego from years of telling themselves stories full of negative junk, i.e. "Nothing good ever happens to me...... I'm always so unlucky....or nobody ever likes me.....or happiness is for everyone else." These negative people could be on vacation and check into a very nice motel or hotel and they just aren't going to be happy until they find that ONE thing that isn't absolutely perfect. You can actually see them scouring the place for one thing, person or circumstance to be a grump-bucket about. They are like, "I am so upset.... it/they shoulda, woulda, coulda done xyz...or look at that comforter...it's on crooked, or I'm going to tell the management that it took five whole minutes for the bell boy to come for our luggage." Geesh....if that is all that is wrong in their little part of the world....they don't know how really Blessed they are. But it is their ego that is nudging them on to be unpleasant. They love the DRAMA! It makes them the center of the Universe....or so they think. If they only could see themselves through everyone else's raised eyebrow eyes.
If we could all just appreciate things and people a little more and not nit pick as much, we would be a whole lot happier in this wonderful journey we are on. One meaning of the word appreciation is: increase the value of. That applies to the other meaning of appreciation which is feeling gratitude. If we really do feel gratitude.....we increase the value of our time here. To feel more appreciative, we need to stop looking back and not wishing for a better tomorrow. What we do have and all that we are guaranteed to ever have is NOW. Be present and focus on your 'NOW'. Take the time to notice all we have to be grateful for and notice the beauty of life, the flowers, the oceans and lakes and our family and on and on.
When we have a mental picture of who we are and someone questions that mental picture....we can come unglued. Say you picture yourself as a "Good Christian' and someone says that you weren't acting like a good Christian that day you did xyz. All of a sudden, you become defensive and maybe the 'SO-SO Christian' in you comes out. They didn't comply with the way you and your ego pictured yourself and them are fightin' words, aren't they? Or say you see yourself as the 'perfect' mother and someone questions the way you disciplined your child or let them stay up longer at night than the other person thinks is appropriate or some other questionable scenario.....you might just 'fly off the handle' and let them have a piece of your mind. Now, in reality, we all question (only to ourselves - for crying out loud) if we really are that picture of the choir member Christian or that perfect mother and when someone says something that brings it out in the open and to the surface, we become uncomfortable and want to defend our image.
Maybe we aren't all that perfect....maybe we do let our halo slip once in a while....but if we want to know if we are on the 'right track' and aren't veering too far off the 'reality train', we should notice how we are feeling and just how much of a reaction we may be having when someone questions our motives, actions or the way we picture our self in whatever 'role' it is. The farther your 'authentic self' is from the role you are playing...the more of an emotional toll it will have on you and the bigger the reaction you will have when your behavior or your choices are questioned. The closer you are living to your authentic self, the less it will bother you what any one's opinion of you is. No one wants to be revealed as being a fake. But the truth of the matter is, we all play roles in our lives. We are moms, dads, sisters, brothers, friends, teachers, bankers, doctors, etc. Each role acts and interacts differently with the other. We all know that we can let our guard down when we are among friends and family. But let the preacher or teacher come to our homes and ..........YIKES.....we are all righty-tidy and prim and proper. Or if we want a loan from our banker or we are applying for a job.....you can bet your sweet bippy that 'F-Bomb' will never slip out of your mouth during the interview. These are roles we play.......
How you are feeling in your life and with the roles you are playing, is a barometer to how authentic you are to your true self. If we are constantly struggling to 'BE' a certain way or to feel we are trying to live up to someone else's wants on how we are living.....we will be 'UN-happy campers'. Allowing someone else to live YOUR life is a pretty big sacrifice. We should be slightly selfish in life.....and by that Goms means that if we aren't happy.....we can hardly be expected to make anyone else happy. Back in Tennessee, there was a saying that is pretty prevalent in the Deep South...."If Mama ain't happy....ain't nobody happy!" But that is really the case no matter what part of the world we live in.
Sooooo, long story LONG......be happy. Be the real you. Make yourself happy and it will be a whole lot easier to make someone or anyone else happy. Don't believe all the negative junk you have told yourself all these years. Leave that sad, sad story of your past exactly where it belongs....in the PAST. If you had a great childhood, you were told you were a Gold-Star human being and you feel as if you are 'going with the flow' of life....go with that. But remember if you get too far from your authentic 'YOU'.....and you become upset when someone criticizes you or your choices....ask yourself if you are being the real you or the 'masked you'. You'll know. We always do.....some of us just don't want to admit it.....Happy days to all of you boys and girls. Remember what Gommy always says.....'Happiness....it IS a choice". Hugs and Mush, Gommy
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