How ridiculous....Gommy saw that heading on a very prestigious magazine recently and thought how absurd that thought was. That is the problem with the schools today....everyone blames the teachers and they don't put the responsibility where it belongs...AT HOME WITH THE PARENTS! Bad parenting is the real culprit.
'Back in the day'....parents were involved with their children's every movement and every moment. Now, this obviously doesn't apply to all those hard working parents who are active in their child's academics. Those are the parents who work all day, come home and fix dinner, help with homework, go to the Parent/Teacher meetings, volunteer at the school functions, etc....WHEW!.... and never really get the accolades they so well deserve. But they do get the reward of good children who are self assured and can take care of themselves when they grow up!
In the olden days, well-to-do people had Nannies to watch their children. But the other task of the Nanny was to see to the education of the child as well. Today, the Nanny is the care-giver who watches your child while you are at work and if you aren't wealthy enough to afford a Nanny or you just aren't that involved in your child's' life......guess who the Nanny of the 21st Century is????? TV and all the trash your kids are subjected to when they are left to themselves, i.e. Jerry Springer, MTV, This or That Rap Singers' Crib...or the new role models...Keeping up with the Kardashians. Wow...how special! These are the shows your kids are watching when you aren't watching. S-C-A-R-Y!!!!!
Goms heard someone say that they were told, "How do you know? You don't even have kids?" And their reply was, "I don't have a fish either, but I know not to fill the tank with Mountain Dew!!!".
When was the last time your young child observed you reading anything besides the text on your cell phone? It is well documented that children who are brought up in a home where books are important do much better academically. It doesn't even matter if your child goes to a public or a private school. They do better when the parent is involved and have been read to when they were infants and young children. Even if you don't think they can understand what you are reading, they are absorbing the cadence of language and it will help them with their reading when they do recognize the words on the page.
Oh for the days when something besides a bill came in the mail. Goms fondly remembers getting letters and notes or cards in the mail. Now, we get our communication over the Internet or on our cell phones. Speech will be the next thing that is extinct. People don't even want to talk to each other any more. They would rather email or text their thoughts to other people. Language is already disappearing. Laugh out loud is being replaced with LOL, etc. Does it take too much time to SAY or write "Laugh My A_ _ Off"? REALLY????
Your children are like sponges. They pick up everything you do and say (or don't say). It is the same with their education...if you don't seem to give a hoot....then why should they? It is always easier to put the blame on others...but the reality is that your child's education begins at home. Try on a little 'Mea Culpa' and see how honest you are with yourself. Try helping these underpaid teachers out by expecting your child to respect (remember that concept?) their teachers. Every parent should be expected to teach a class in todays' environment. I think things would change quickly if they saw what the teacher of today has to contend with.
So, have a nice Sunday folks. And Gommy hopes it includes some quality time with your family. It's the only one you have and will ever get. Family is like a bank......what you put into it is what you have to enjoy some day when it is time to withdraw what you have saved....if you put enough into it.....you'll even have some dividends one day. Hugs and Mush...Gommy
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Pure Potentiality
Goms is going 'deep' today.....so put on your thinking caps and really 'see' all there is to 'see' in the world. The idea of 'Pure Potentiality' is really just 'Pure Consciousness". Now don't go all woo-woo on Goms and give me that glazed over stare. Pure consciousness is actually quite relaxing and calming and puts everything in perspective. It is as easy as just breathing....Yes, Goms said breathing. But not the kind we do mindlessly. Goms means the intent, focused breathing that will actually bring down a person's blood pressure. Sometimes when we are soooo very stressed, we do a deep breath or a sigh just because our bodies know that is what is needed at that moment. Some people refer to it as 'letting off steam' or 'venting' (which is really letting off steam.....sort of redundant huh?).
When we take the time to breathe and to notice all that nature (God) has given us....we are giving ourselves the greatest gift.....or re-gifting what God has given to us all. Just calming the mind and allowing ourselves to 'not think' is a release of so many toxic thoughts that we tell ourselves every day. Over 90% of what we tell ourselves in our mind ('monkey-talk') is negative thoughts. YIKES.....stop it boys and girls. You are killing yourselves. Stress kills and by being so negative with your thoughts, you are providing hours and hours of stressful thoughts to occupy your thought processes. How about thinking something pleasant or joyful? There are plenty of those memories in your memory bank....Pull those out sometimes.
If you take every opportunity that comes your way to notice and commune with nature by witnessing the intelligence within every living thing, (and there are many) i.e. stopping at a traffic light and noticing the breeze gently moving a branch on a tree, waiting for an appointment and really noticing the leaves on the potted plant in the corner, going outside to your car to go to work and appreciating the green grass in the yard, coming home from work (even if it is late at night....when was the last time you looked up into the sky and noticed the beautiful twinkling stars or the gorgeous moon?) etc........ If you take the time, you will notice the beautiful sunrises or sunsets, birds flying gracefully in the sky, ponds, the sounds of a rippling stream, the ocean, the pretty landscaped yard you pass each day on your way to and from places, or smell the beautiful fragrance of a flower......even listening to the beautiful music on your radio. How magical is that? All these things are all around us each day and most of us never 'stop' to notice them. How sad.
If you were able to ask someone who has a terminal illness if they notice any of these things, you would surely be told that they most assuredly do. They will tell you that they took all of these things for granted when they thought they would be around for a long time too, but when you are told you don't have long to live......all of a sudden, you start to notice the beauty all around you and are astonished that you didn't notice it all before and wish you had longer to enjoy it.
The same holds true as we age. We realize our own mortality and know that our years left are a lot shorter than the years we have already lived. Goms thinks that is why grandchildren are such a joy to us. We get the chance to relive the pure and unadulterated bliss that is in each child. We were too busy with our own family to enjoy them as we wish we had. We begin to enjoy all the simple things in life and know what is and what isn't important in the grand scheme of things. We re-gift many things to ourselves again and one of the most important gifts is the gift on 'non-judgement'. We see that we become more invisible as we age and although we feel the same as when we were young (mostly...) we are not 'in charge' any longer and even seem to be dismissed as insignificant to some younger people. We may remember our own ideas about how we thought of older people when we were young and know now, that our 'judgements' can change with time and circumstance and that judging others really gets you nowhere. Comparing ourselves to others or what other people have or don't have or how we look or don't look compared to others is fruitless and really is a wasted effort.
Now this part may seem very deep......but try not to 'name' anything or anyone that you see for a whole day. For example.....if you just say 'that is a tree' or 'that is a bird' or 'that is an old person'....you have dismissed and grouped an entire species or part of nature and are not allowing yourself to really observe who or what that bird, tree or old person actually is or is all about. There are Blue Jays, Parakeets, Doves, and so on. But try thinking to yourself, "That is called a bird.", instead of saying that IS a bird. The moment you group a collection of anything together, you have dismissed it and moved on; not allowing yourself or observing and enjoying the magic or pure potentiality of it or them.
If you can commue with nature and enjoy all there is around you to enjoy, you are aligning with the power that manifests everything in nature....GOD....and you will feel yourself calming down, being centered and enjoying the re-gift that is there for all of us to enjoy.....It doesn't take a bunch of time either, so don't say you don't have the time.....The wonderous gifts are all around.... even in the walk to your car in the morning, the walk back to your house from your car when you get home, the minutes you spend at traffic lights each day, children playing in their school playgrounds.......Look around boys and girls....there are lots and lots of marvelous and beautiful things to see and enjoy.....and remember to BREATHE.......Hugs, Gommy
When we take the time to breathe and to notice all that nature (God) has given us....we are giving ourselves the greatest gift.....or re-gifting what God has given to us all. Just calming the mind and allowing ourselves to 'not think' is a release of so many toxic thoughts that we tell ourselves every day. Over 90% of what we tell ourselves in our mind ('monkey-talk') is negative thoughts. YIKES.....stop it boys and girls. You are killing yourselves. Stress kills and by being so negative with your thoughts, you are providing hours and hours of stressful thoughts to occupy your thought processes. How about thinking something pleasant or joyful? There are plenty of those memories in your memory bank....Pull those out sometimes.
If you take every opportunity that comes your way to notice and commune with nature by witnessing the intelligence within every living thing, (and there are many) i.e. stopping at a traffic light and noticing the breeze gently moving a branch on a tree, waiting for an appointment and really noticing the leaves on the potted plant in the corner, going outside to your car to go to work and appreciating the green grass in the yard, coming home from work (even if it is late at night....when was the last time you looked up into the sky and noticed the beautiful twinkling stars or the gorgeous moon?) etc........ If you take the time, you will notice the beautiful sunrises or sunsets, birds flying gracefully in the sky, ponds, the sounds of a rippling stream, the ocean, the pretty landscaped yard you pass each day on your way to and from places, or smell the beautiful fragrance of a flower......even listening to the beautiful music on your radio. How magical is that? All these things are all around us each day and most of us never 'stop' to notice them. How sad.
If you were able to ask someone who has a terminal illness if they notice any of these things, you would surely be told that they most assuredly do. They will tell you that they took all of these things for granted when they thought they would be around for a long time too, but when you are told you don't have long to live......all of a sudden, you start to notice the beauty all around you and are astonished that you didn't notice it all before and wish you had longer to enjoy it.
The same holds true as we age. We realize our own mortality and know that our years left are a lot shorter than the years we have already lived. Goms thinks that is why grandchildren are such a joy to us. We get the chance to relive the pure and unadulterated bliss that is in each child. We were too busy with our own family to enjoy them as we wish we had. We begin to enjoy all the simple things in life and know what is and what isn't important in the grand scheme of things. We re-gift many things to ourselves again and one of the most important gifts is the gift on 'non-judgement'. We see that we become more invisible as we age and although we feel the same as when we were young (mostly...) we are not 'in charge' any longer and even seem to be dismissed as insignificant to some younger people. We may remember our own ideas about how we thought of older people when we were young and know now, that our 'judgements' can change with time and circumstance and that judging others really gets you nowhere. Comparing ourselves to others or what other people have or don't have or how we look or don't look compared to others is fruitless and really is a wasted effort.
Now this part may seem very deep......but try not to 'name' anything or anyone that you see for a whole day. For example.....if you just say 'that is a tree' or 'that is a bird' or 'that is an old person'....you have dismissed and grouped an entire species or part of nature and are not allowing yourself to really observe who or what that bird, tree or old person actually is or is all about. There are Blue Jays, Parakeets, Doves, and so on. But try thinking to yourself, "That is called a bird.", instead of saying that IS a bird. The moment you group a collection of anything together, you have dismissed it and moved on; not allowing yourself or observing and enjoying the magic or pure potentiality of it or them.
If you can commue with nature and enjoy all there is around you to enjoy, you are aligning with the power that manifests everything in nature....GOD....and you will feel yourself calming down, being centered and enjoying the re-gift that is there for all of us to enjoy.....It doesn't take a bunch of time either, so don't say you don't have the time.....The wonderous gifts are all around.... even in the walk to your car in the morning, the walk back to your house from your car when you get home, the minutes you spend at traffic lights each day, children playing in their school playgrounds.......Look around boys and girls....there are lots and lots of marvelous and beautiful things to see and enjoy.....and remember to BREATHE.......Hugs, Gommy
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Soooo Many Thoughts....
Gommy usually hears something, reads something or has a feeling come over me that later becomes a 'Gommy's Goody' blog. This week they seem to be coming in from every angle imaginable.
First, Goms heard someone talking about how that, even in the face of adversity, there is always something to take away from the experience that will help us in the long run.....if we are able to 'learn the lesson' we are supposed to be learning from the lesson. Goms heard of one man who said that because of an illness that took his tongue, jaw and most of his mouth away, he could no longer eat food in the usual way the rest of us do and take for granted several times a day. He said that when he sees a food now that looks so delicious to him, he is immediately reminded of a time he enjoyed that food with someone very special to him. He can recall the exact time, occasion or place he enjoyed that repast. His ability to taste food may be gone but God replaced that lost pleasure with a vivid memory of a time spent with someone he loved and maybe is no longer alive. And he can now relive that experience over and over again. I'll take a visit with my departed loved ones or a past holiday meal spent with them any day over a piece of fried chicken!
Then Goms was thinking about how so many times in our lives we take for granted that we will always be around and we do some foolish things that may take away our precious time here on Earth. Or we are careless with our friends or family members and assume they will always be there for us. The reality is that there are no 'do-overs' in life. Once it is said, done or the 'bridge has been burned'.....there is no going back, or taking it back...just the realization that what's done is done and we just have to learn to live with it. But how we live with it (react), also affects the rest of our life. Never miss the opportunity to tell your friends and family that you love them....it may just be the last time you get to tell them.
Another poignant statement that hit Goms this week was from a Facebook profile statement...it said something about steering clear of the three 'N's' ......that would be the negative, the needy and the nasty types of people.....How true is that???? How uncomfortable is it to be around those types of people? They are usually the 'it's all about me' types anyway and it can become very tedious over time to associate with the self-absorbed person who never really listens to anyone else...because they are too obsessed about themselves to care about you. Who needs to be hanging around those types anyhow??? My mother always said that God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason.....You must listen to someone intently if you are going to ever understand them. If you are constantly talking over people...you won't ever be 'getting it' or 'them'. And all the while, you will be wondering why you don't connect with people....DUH!
Then, this week Gommy received a gift for my daughter Tiffanys' birthday. Tiffany died 17 years ago but she touched so many people in the short 17 years she lived that it amazes Goms. That is until I realize it is my Tiff that I'm talking about. The gift was from Tiffany's art teacher, Carla Stiles. Carla has NEVER missed a birthday, to send me an angel -related gift and a card saying "Happy Birthday Tiff" and that it is another year without our sunshine girl. Can you believe that someone made such an impression on someone that they are never forgotten in all these years? Well, sadly, you didn't know my Tiff. It says volumes about the wonderful woman Carla Stiles is as well. Each year, it makes a very sad day a little brighter for Goms to know someone who knew Tiff and loved her, is remembering her along with me.
So, peeps....remember that you may not think it is much of a big deal to do something nice for someone.....or that someone may just need to have you listen to them instead of talking over them about your own woes....or realize that everyone is having their own crisis or troubles and may just need a kind word or an 'ear', instead of your judgement of them. But it really is all about all of us. We are all connected and the way we 'handle' each other and our circumstances and situations is like an eddy in a pond. It ripples outward and touches everyone else. And also, remember Karma....what you dish out WILL come back to you...either in the way of good things or bad things. Personally, Goms prefers the good stuff!
So be nice to each other boys and girls.....you may be in need of a shoulder, a helping hand or a kind word some day.....Reap and Sow.....Reap and Sow.....Reap and Sow....Gommy is pulling for you...Hugs to all.......
First, Goms heard someone talking about how that, even in the face of adversity, there is always something to take away from the experience that will help us in the long run.....if we are able to 'learn the lesson' we are supposed to be learning from the lesson. Goms heard of one man who said that because of an illness that took his tongue, jaw and most of his mouth away, he could no longer eat food in the usual way the rest of us do and take for granted several times a day. He said that when he sees a food now that looks so delicious to him, he is immediately reminded of a time he enjoyed that food with someone very special to him. He can recall the exact time, occasion or place he enjoyed that repast. His ability to taste food may be gone but God replaced that lost pleasure with a vivid memory of a time spent with someone he loved and maybe is no longer alive. And he can now relive that experience over and over again. I'll take a visit with my departed loved ones or a past holiday meal spent with them any day over a piece of fried chicken!
Then Goms was thinking about how so many times in our lives we take for granted that we will always be around and we do some foolish things that may take away our precious time here on Earth. Or we are careless with our friends or family members and assume they will always be there for us. The reality is that there are no 'do-overs' in life. Once it is said, done or the 'bridge has been burned'.....there is no going back, or taking it back...just the realization that what's done is done and we just have to learn to live with it. But how we live with it (react), also affects the rest of our life. Never miss the opportunity to tell your friends and family that you love them....it may just be the last time you get to tell them.
Another poignant statement that hit Goms this week was from a Facebook profile statement...it said something about steering clear of the three 'N's' ......that would be the negative, the needy and the nasty types of people.....How true is that???? How uncomfortable is it to be around those types of people? They are usually the 'it's all about me' types anyway and it can become very tedious over time to associate with the self-absorbed person who never really listens to anyone else...because they are too obsessed about themselves to care about you. Who needs to be hanging around those types anyhow??? My mother always said that God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason.....You must listen to someone intently if you are going to ever understand them. If you are constantly talking over people...you won't ever be 'getting it' or 'them'. And all the while, you will be wondering why you don't connect with people....DUH!
Then, this week Gommy received a gift for my daughter Tiffanys' birthday. Tiffany died 17 years ago but she touched so many people in the short 17 years she lived that it amazes Goms. That is until I realize it is my Tiff that I'm talking about. The gift was from Tiffany's art teacher, Carla Stiles. Carla has NEVER missed a birthday, to send me an angel -related gift and a card saying "Happy Birthday Tiff" and that it is another year without our sunshine girl. Can you believe that someone made such an impression on someone that they are never forgotten in all these years? Well, sadly, you didn't know my Tiff. It says volumes about the wonderful woman Carla Stiles is as well. Each year, it makes a very sad day a little brighter for Goms to know someone who knew Tiff and loved her, is remembering her along with me.
So, peeps....remember that you may not think it is much of a big deal to do something nice for someone.....or that someone may just need to have you listen to them instead of talking over them about your own woes....or realize that everyone is having their own crisis or troubles and may just need a kind word or an 'ear', instead of your judgement of them. But it really is all about all of us. We are all connected and the way we 'handle' each other and our circumstances and situations is like an eddy in a pond. It ripples outward and touches everyone else. And also, remember Karma....what you dish out WILL come back to you...either in the way of good things or bad things. Personally, Goms prefers the good stuff!
So be nice to each other boys and girls.....you may be in need of a shoulder, a helping hand or a kind word some day.....Reap and Sow.....Reap and Sow.....Reap and Sow....Gommy is pulling for you...Hugs to all.......
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Karma is a Charmer
Gommy used to think that all the 'mumbo-jumbo' about Karma, Eastern philosophies, auras and the like were just that.....mumbo-jumbo. As Goms gets on in years, it becomes clearer to me that Karma definitely exists and that what we put out there actually does come back to us. There are signs and sayings all through our lives that point to the fact that Karma does exists. Even the Bible says you 'reap what you sow'....and no one thinks that is a bunch of hocus-pocus because it comes from the word of God.
As for our auras.....that is just a funky way of describing that we all have our own distinct 'way we act and react' to different events and/or stimuli in our lives. Maybe the biggest difference between Eastern and Western philosophy is that Eastern philosophy puts a direct correlation between the Universe (God if that makes some feel more comfortable) and human existence. Eastern philosophy teaches that all experiences and phenomena are manifestations of a basic oneness. That all things are interdependent and inseparable from each other.......actually different manifestations of the same reality. That makes sense to Goms because as we age, we see how everything is interconnected and that our thoughts and actions or in-actions actually do affect everything and everyone else sooner or later.
Take lying or mistreating someone. When we lie about someone, we harm that person. Karma dictates that we have to eventually pay for that disservice some day, some way. It usually manifests in that someone will lie about us one day in a way that will harm us so we know what that feels like. Conversely, if we do something good or nice.....that comes back as well. So Goms would suggest that we do less of the harming and more of the niceties. It is like hedging your bets. You don't want to take the chance of having the bad things come your way.
As another example of experiencing what we have or haven't done to someone before; if we don't have compassion for others, how can we expect others to care what happens to us if we are in need of compassion some day? That brings to mind another sage saying....'what goes around comes around'. Makes you wonder why we use these sayings and don't think they actually apply to us personally????? Denial maybe? Guess what friends? What goes around actually does come around.....you just feel it more acutely when it is happening to YOU... Like the saying that is relevent in today's economic scenerio....."If your neighbor loses his home....it is a recession.....if you lose your home...it is a DEPRESSION".
So Gommy is just 'saying'....we are all in the same proverbial 'boat'.....so we better be doing all we can to assure that the 'boat' stays upright for all of us to survive. Being kind and having compassion and thinking about our deeds and actions before we act is a good start on making sure our Karma stays on our good side. Gommy, for one, wants to make sure that what is being put out in the Universe will be welcomed as it makes its' return trip to me. Goms is pulling for you boys and girls. Hugs and Mush......Gommy
As for our auras.....that is just a funky way of describing that we all have our own distinct 'way we act and react' to different events and/or stimuli in our lives. Maybe the biggest difference between Eastern and Western philosophy is that Eastern philosophy puts a direct correlation between the Universe (God if that makes some feel more comfortable) and human existence. Eastern philosophy teaches that all experiences and phenomena are manifestations of a basic oneness. That all things are interdependent and inseparable from each other.......actually different manifestations of the same reality. That makes sense to Goms because as we age, we see how everything is interconnected and that our thoughts and actions or in-actions actually do affect everything and everyone else sooner or later.
Take lying or mistreating someone. When we lie about someone, we harm that person. Karma dictates that we have to eventually pay for that disservice some day, some way. It usually manifests in that someone will lie about us one day in a way that will harm us so we know what that feels like. Conversely, if we do something good or nice.....that comes back as well. So Goms would suggest that we do less of the harming and more of the niceties. It is like hedging your bets. You don't want to take the chance of having the bad things come your way.
As another example of experiencing what we have or haven't done to someone before; if we don't have compassion for others, how can we expect others to care what happens to us if we are in need of compassion some day? That brings to mind another sage saying....'what goes around comes around'. Makes you wonder why we use these sayings and don't think they actually apply to us personally????? Denial maybe? Guess what friends? What goes around actually does come around.....you just feel it more acutely when it is happening to YOU... Like the saying that is relevent in today's economic scenerio....."If your neighbor loses his home....it is a recession.....if you lose your home...it is a DEPRESSION".
So Gommy is just 'saying'....we are all in the same proverbial 'boat'.....so we better be doing all we can to assure that the 'boat' stays upright for all of us to survive. Being kind and having compassion and thinking about our deeds and actions before we act is a good start on making sure our Karma stays on our good side. Gommy, for one, wants to make sure that what is being put out in the Universe will be welcomed as it makes its' return trip to me. Goms is pulling for you boys and girls. Hugs and Mush......Gommy
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Happy Birthday Sweet Tiffany
Today you would have been 35 years old. Happy Birthday my sweet Tiffany. Today you would still have been the beautiful girl you always were. You were the bright light that entered any room. You were the sweetness of youth. You were the promise of a wonderful life ahead. But to me, you will always be MY little girl.
Thank you for choosing me as your Mom. Thank you for the countless times you made me so proud of you. Thank you for your cheerful smile and beautiful disposition. Thank you for loving me so much and allowing me to know that kind of love. And thank you for teaching me how to be a better person. And for wanting to be a better person.
I sometimes hear people complaining about their children and I am so afraid for them. I am afraid that one day they may know the depths of despair that comes when that child is taken away from them forever. I want to scream....YOU DON'T KNOW HOW LUCKY YOU ARE TO HAVE YOUR CHILD! But I keep my silence, because no one wants you to make them feel badly and they will just get defensive anyway. So I just keep my terrible secret....the secret of knowing that no matter what the problem may be, it doesn't compare with the agony of not having that child be with you any longer.
I know one day we will be together again Tiff. And until that day, I know you are with me always. I feel you there in the gentle breeze as I sit on the beach......I feel you there when I go to the mall and remember all the times we went together and I just know you would be soooo up on all the styles. I feel you there when a song comes on the radio and I can still hear your sweet voice singing in the car or remember you listening to your music while you used to get ready for school. I feel you when I am feeling down and I can picture that beautiful smile of yours and somehow that makes everything all right again for a while. I feel you with me always my sweet, sweet, dear Tiffany. Thank you for watching out for me.....I know I am never really alone because you are there with me.
Our lives will never be the way it was when you and Terry were with us. Our lives are still blessed because we have your sister Tracey and her special family and Terry's beautiful children and now Mike has a little granddaughter that I just know you would love.....but our 'family wheel' is missing spokes and no matter that it still rolls along.....something is always missing. I miss you in all the big and little things of life. I miss you every day my sweet Tiff. Every birthday, every holiday, every day that I wake without you in it....I miss your sweet scent, your beautiful blue eyes, your gorgeous hair, your infectious laugh, I miss the way you made me marvel at the goodness of you....I miss the way we would watch TV and sit on the couch while we would softly tickle each other. I love you more now than ever and more than I can say in words. My love for you grows even though we can't be together right now.
So, thank you my sweet Tiffany. Thank you for being you and for coming into my life. I will love you always and forever.....Happy Birthday Spiffy Tiffy...Mom
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Control Freak?
Good Sunday to all.....Gommy and Grandpa Mike were very fortunate to be the guests at a very wonderful and inspirational event yesterday. It was the Athletes in Action Annual Superbowl Breakfast. Beyond seeing many 'larger than life' super-stars of sports, we were graced with inspirational speeches by some of these 'larger than life' stars.
Most of us think of sports figures as mere conduits for the entertainment of their fans. But it was quite evident yesterday that the road to greatness is often paved with many pot holes and fender benders, if I may use the car analogy on the road to life. I use the car analogy because the great quarterback, Kurt Warner, used that analogy while giving his acceptance speech in receiving the coveted Bart Starr award. While he was speaking, it was clear that he didn't just 'become' the great man he had turned in to eventually. He explained that when he met his wife, he was a believer in God, but only called on God when he 'needed' Him. His then girlfriend Brenda, who later became his wife, and he had many discussions about their beliefs. It took much soul searching and many 'discussions' before he came to realize that we should know and appreciate that God is with us at all times of our lives and not just when things are circling the drain.
That got Gommy to thinking about how our ideas, feelings, outlooks and our mindset can change to be so drastically different with time and self-discovery. Many times the change is for the good of us and everyone around us, if we just allow ourselves to have open minds about the important things in our lives.
Gommy feels the major contributing factor in not changing may be if we are too much in the grip of being a 'control freak'. Now, no one wants to admit they are a 'control freak'......but there are several tell- tale signs. You may even know a control freak, work with a control freak, be married to a control freak and even, God forbid, BE a control freak.
Gommy can speak on this subject because Gommy WAS a control freak at one time in my life. Being able to see this personality flaw in myself and analyzing why it became a part of who I was, allows Gommy to speak on the subject, first hand. My own compulsion manifested in being a 'clean freak' and in trying to be perfect at everything at all times. I could mop up a floor while people were still seated in their chairs and their conversation might not miss a beat, or so I thought. Gommy could wash and dry a coffee cup as soon as it touched the saucer of a guest. Company for dinner that included 100 people....no problem. Just keep your head down, keep going at all cost to hospitality and make sure everything seems PERFECT.
Gommy once gave a shower for a neighbor and although everything 'seemed' to be beautiful and 'perfect', one of the guests called Goms a 'shower Nazi'. Boy, did that hurt! But you know something? She was right. I was so concerned that everything was 'perfect', I wasn't allowing for a free-flowing and easy, fun time to be had by everyone. God forbid that the games weren't played and enjoyed by everyone at exactly the perfect time in the soiree, or that the guests were duly impressed with the gala I had planned.
That may be the first glimpse Goms had of 'maybe it wasn't all so perfect after all'...... if the guests weren't enjoying themselves as I thought they should be, maybe there were other parts of my life that weren't as perfect as I thought I was making them. What a wake-up call and how grateful I am that a person who I didn't even know, gave me such a gift of awareness for my future. Goms knows it was a wake-up call because the compulsive cleaning???? Not anymore, Gommy is healed!!!! Now, if the table has dust on it, Gommy just writes in the dust....."Gommy was here!" LOL
Now, for a peek into how this disorder may have started in the first place for Gommy, let Goms show the reasons Gommy became soooooo self-absorbed in controlling things in my life; as a child and as a young married person, Gommy was never in control of anything. Yes, I said ANYTHING. My mom, though she loved me beyond imagination, was a "Large-Marge and in Charge" person at any and all expense. Then, being married at the ripe age of nineteen, my late husband took up the reins of controlling my life. Cleaning (but in a manic way) and being 'perfect' were the only ways Goms felt in control of anything. Goms never looked up to see if anyone was noticing and no one did say anything until about ten years after becoming a widow, as referenced in the preceding paragraph.
First, let's explain the two types of Control Freaks. But to make sure we are all on the same page about this subject, let Gommy explain that both types are the result of anxiety and the process used to calm that anxiety, for whatever reason the person has the anxiety to begin with. The first type is the 'self-absorbed' control freak (that was Gommy's type). This type of person is strictly trying to cope with their own anxieties. They just want to feel better and don't even realize other people are even around some of the time. This can manifest in being a 'clean freak', over orderly, obsessive -compulsiveness, moodiness,....and on and on.
The second type of control freak is the 'aggressive control freak'. They are also trying to manage their anxiety but make no mistake, they are VERY aware of you and usually have to diminish you in some capacity to ease their own anxiety. This type of 'control freak' not only wants to diminish you, they want to defeat you, thus making them feel superior. But don't take their actions personally, they are not trying to actually 'hurt' you, they are just trying to protect themselves. They usually become the head of their Community POA board, run for politics, or become the PTA president, so they can be sure their little corner of the world is run correctly.....and of course, only they know how it should be run!
Even though it is quite normal to expect to control our own lives, it becomes a personality disorder when we want to control the lives of other people as well. Remember the saying, "It isn't selfish to live your life the way you want. It is selfish to want others to live the way you want to live your life." Being a control freak causes a lot of tension in relationships and it isn't very enjoyable to be around a control freak. Control freaks mostly have the same personality traits, i.e. perfectionism, orderliness to a fault, criticism, workaholics, eating disordered, and the fear of letting anyone else be in charge for fear that they won't do it right, so the control freak just does it themselves, (Gommy had that one too).....It really boils down to the control freak feeling if they are in charge of everything, they won't be exposed for their anxieties, anger and insecurities about their own frailties. But as time wears on, it become evident that it is very tedious to be doing it all by yourself and then resentments start to take over that no one else is helping.....DUH, you didn't let them help did you??? And it is much easier to let the control freak do everything isn't it????
The bottom line in dealing with control freaks is to slow down......force them to 'look' at the situation and by doing so, you keep control of yourself in the situation or confrontation. Stay calm at all costs. Control freaks tend to create much tension in those around them, so if you can stay calm, it may relax them as well. You must remember though that they are master (or mistress) manipulators so you have to stay on guard around them at all times. Also, if they are degrading you, try to remember the old Maxim, "Those that demand the most, give the least." and that 'no one can make your feel bad about yourself without your permission'. It is also helpful to realize that the people who are the most loud, bossy and obnoxious are really the most insecure people you know.
So, Gommy hopes this sheds a light on a very common personality type that many of us know or have ourselves or have had in the past. It is sometimes helpful to examine, think on and try to analyze why we do certain things. It can help us also to understand a friend, a spouse, a sibling, a child, a co-worker and even ourselves. If we can get to the root of our insecurities, we have begun the process of healing ourselves. Keep searching boys and girls....we are all a work in progress. It is much easier to be calm, cool and collected if we realize that many other fellow humans are in the same boat with us.....and they are all just trying to protect themselves from being exposed.....
Gommy even has times when I 'fall out of the boat' and if I can just remain calm and sensible and not become defensive, and try to examine the criticism I may be receiving, and find the root of the behavior I am exhibiting (Whew!)..... I can usually figure out where the problem started in the first place and resolve any misunderstanding on my part and mend the problem or disagreement at hand. Yes......I warned you that it is work! But well worth the effort. Goms promises.
Have a great week everyone....and remember, Goms is pulling for you. Hugs and Mush, Gommy
Most of us think of sports figures as mere conduits for the entertainment of their fans. But it was quite evident yesterday that the road to greatness is often paved with many pot holes and fender benders, if I may use the car analogy on the road to life. I use the car analogy because the great quarterback, Kurt Warner, used that analogy while giving his acceptance speech in receiving the coveted Bart Starr award. While he was speaking, it was clear that he didn't just 'become' the great man he had turned in to eventually. He explained that when he met his wife, he was a believer in God, but only called on God when he 'needed' Him. His then girlfriend Brenda, who later became his wife, and he had many discussions about their beliefs. It took much soul searching and many 'discussions' before he came to realize that we should know and appreciate that God is with us at all times of our lives and not just when things are circling the drain.
That got Gommy to thinking about how our ideas, feelings, outlooks and our mindset can change to be so drastically different with time and self-discovery. Many times the change is for the good of us and everyone around us, if we just allow ourselves to have open minds about the important things in our lives.
Gommy feels the major contributing factor in not changing may be if we are too much in the grip of being a 'control freak'. Now, no one wants to admit they are a 'control freak'......but there are several tell- tale signs. You may even know a control freak, work with a control freak, be married to a control freak and even, God forbid, BE a control freak.
Gommy can speak on this subject because Gommy WAS a control freak at one time in my life. Being able to see this personality flaw in myself and analyzing why it became a part of who I was, allows Gommy to speak on the subject, first hand. My own compulsion manifested in being a 'clean freak' and in trying to be perfect at everything at all times. I could mop up a floor while people were still seated in their chairs and their conversation might not miss a beat, or so I thought. Gommy could wash and dry a coffee cup as soon as it touched the saucer of a guest. Company for dinner that included 100 people....no problem. Just keep your head down, keep going at all cost to hospitality and make sure everything seems PERFECT.
Gommy once gave a shower for a neighbor and although everything 'seemed' to be beautiful and 'perfect', one of the guests called Goms a 'shower Nazi'. Boy, did that hurt! But you know something? She was right. I was so concerned that everything was 'perfect', I wasn't allowing for a free-flowing and easy, fun time to be had by everyone. God forbid that the games weren't played and enjoyed by everyone at exactly the perfect time in the soiree, or that the guests were duly impressed with the gala I had planned.
That may be the first glimpse Goms had of 'maybe it wasn't all so perfect after all'...... if the guests weren't enjoying themselves as I thought they should be, maybe there were other parts of my life that weren't as perfect as I thought I was making them. What a wake-up call and how grateful I am that a person who I didn't even know, gave me such a gift of awareness for my future. Goms knows it was a wake-up call because the compulsive cleaning???? Not anymore, Gommy is healed!!!! Now, if the table has dust on it, Gommy just writes in the dust....."Gommy was here!" LOL
Now, for a peek into how this disorder may have started in the first place for Gommy, let Goms show the reasons Gommy became soooooo self-absorbed in controlling things in my life; as a child and as a young married person, Gommy was never in control of anything. Yes, I said ANYTHING. My mom, though she loved me beyond imagination, was a "Large-Marge and in Charge" person at any and all expense. Then, being married at the ripe age of nineteen, my late husband took up the reins of controlling my life. Cleaning (but in a manic way) and being 'perfect' were the only ways Goms felt in control of anything. Goms never looked up to see if anyone was noticing and no one did say anything until about ten years after becoming a widow, as referenced in the preceding paragraph.
First, let's explain the two types of Control Freaks. But to make sure we are all on the same page about this subject, let Gommy explain that both types are the result of anxiety and the process used to calm that anxiety, for whatever reason the person has the anxiety to begin with. The first type is the 'self-absorbed' control freak (that was Gommy's type). This type of person is strictly trying to cope with their own anxieties. They just want to feel better and don't even realize other people are even around some of the time. This can manifest in being a 'clean freak', over orderly, obsessive -compulsiveness, moodiness,....and on and on.
The second type of control freak is the 'aggressive control freak'. They are also trying to manage their anxiety but make no mistake, they are VERY aware of you and usually have to diminish you in some capacity to ease their own anxiety. This type of 'control freak' not only wants to diminish you, they want to defeat you, thus making them feel superior. But don't take their actions personally, they are not trying to actually 'hurt' you, they are just trying to protect themselves. They usually become the head of their Community POA board, run for politics, or become the PTA president, so they can be sure their little corner of the world is run correctly.....and of course, only they know how it should be run!
Even though it is quite normal to expect to control our own lives, it becomes a personality disorder when we want to control the lives of other people as well. Remember the saying, "It isn't selfish to live your life the way you want. It is selfish to want others to live the way you want to live your life." Being a control freak causes a lot of tension in relationships and it isn't very enjoyable to be around a control freak. Control freaks mostly have the same personality traits, i.e. perfectionism, orderliness to a fault, criticism, workaholics, eating disordered, and the fear of letting anyone else be in charge for fear that they won't do it right, so the control freak just does it themselves, (Gommy had that one too).....It really boils down to the control freak feeling if they are in charge of everything, they won't be exposed for their anxieties, anger and insecurities about their own frailties. But as time wears on, it become evident that it is very tedious to be doing it all by yourself and then resentments start to take over that no one else is helping.....DUH, you didn't let them help did you??? And it is much easier to let the control freak do everything isn't it????
The bottom line in dealing with control freaks is to slow down......force them to 'look' at the situation and by doing so, you keep control of yourself in the situation or confrontation. Stay calm at all costs. Control freaks tend to create much tension in those around them, so if you can stay calm, it may relax them as well. You must remember though that they are master (or mistress) manipulators so you have to stay on guard around them at all times. Also, if they are degrading you, try to remember the old Maxim, "Those that demand the most, give the least." and that 'no one can make your feel bad about yourself without your permission'. It is also helpful to realize that the people who are the most loud, bossy and obnoxious are really the most insecure people you know.
So, Gommy hopes this sheds a light on a very common personality type that many of us know or have ourselves or have had in the past. It is sometimes helpful to examine, think on and try to analyze why we do certain things. It can help us also to understand a friend, a spouse, a sibling, a child, a co-worker and even ourselves. If we can get to the root of our insecurities, we have begun the process of healing ourselves. Keep searching boys and girls....we are all a work in progress. It is much easier to be calm, cool and collected if we realize that many other fellow humans are in the same boat with us.....and they are all just trying to protect themselves from being exposed.....
Gommy even has times when I 'fall out of the boat' and if I can just remain calm and sensible and not become defensive, and try to examine the criticism I may be receiving, and find the root of the behavior I am exhibiting (Whew!)..... I can usually figure out where the problem started in the first place and resolve any misunderstanding on my part and mend the problem or disagreement at hand. Yes......I warned you that it is work! But well worth the effort. Goms promises.
Have a great week everyone....and remember, Goms is pulling for you. Hugs and Mush, Gommy
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Excuse me ^#@*%!
Hello boys and girls.....it's been a while since Gommy has blogged and to be honest.....there have just been soooo many things going on since the last time, that blogging has been put on the back burner....BUT...they were all good things, so there will be more blogs to follow soon.
Today, Gommy wants to write about rudeness.....Now you may be saying that you aren't rude because; you haven't tripped anyone on purpose lately, or you haven't made anyone cry from being so mean to them, or you can't remember snubbing anyone on purpose. Well friends, rudeness can take many forms. There are subtle ways to be rude and we should all try to be more aware of our actions so we don't increasingly become a society of rude people.
You could be the sort of rude person who is always late. That character flaw shows that you feel your time must be more important than the person you are making wait. Or you may interrupt others and by doing so, you assume what you have to say is more interesting than what the person you are interrupting is saying. Or you could talk or text on your phone while in the company of someone and this tells the person you are with that you don't really enjoy their company as much as answering the person who actually 'interrupted' you and the person who is with you at the time. While we are on the subject of the phone.....it is really rude to use your phone in: church, the movie theater, in school, at a meeting, etc..... Remember also, that no one needs to hear your entire conversation either. It used to be that conversations were between a couple of people, but now with the advent of the cell phone....everyone gets to hear what you are saying.
Another rudeness is vulgarity. Or in simpler terms....cussing....Goms for one doesn't appreciate the 'F' bomb being dropped all the time in social situations. Gommy isn't a prude by any means, but there are some people who don't appreciate profanity and in the spirit of giving a hoot, just tone it down while in public, pretty please. You might also remember that swearing is used by those who have a limited vocabulary....so learn a few more words.
The use of the phrases of 'please' and 'thank you' and 'excuse me' have seemingly gone out the window in today's machinations as well. It used to be the custom in polite society to say 'thank you' to someone for a nicety such as; holding a door open for you, serving you, or doing a favor for you. 'Please' also used to be the first word in asking someone FOR anything. And 'excuse me' was used when we infringed on anyone, be it either by interrupting them, bumping into them, saying 'excuse me' when you didn't hear what someone said, instead of saying "HUH?", or any unintentional act that may be seen as being rude.
When entering into a room or passing someone in the hall at work or even on the street.....would it kill any of us to say hello, good morning or at the least...give the person a nod? The definition of 'courtesy' is; to have excellence of manners and to be respectful or considerate of others. Courtesy is important because it shows respect for others and 'common courtesy', such as listening when others are speaking, makes it easier to just get along with people in general.
But, on the other hand, if someone is being rude and it is obvious that they are not going to change, just be all the more courteous and the rude person will be the one who looks the fool. That is because acting obnoxious is an affliction that isn't noticed by the obnoxious one and is very evident to everyone all around them.
Common courtesy is taught from the home while we are still children. If we aren't taught, we won't know how to be civil and we will end up being rude adults. So parents, 'please' teach good manners to your children while they are still impressionable. It is a habit that is learned. And it is your responsibility to teach your children how to be polite and live in a civilization, emphasis on the 'civil'. It will help them immensely while they are growing into adulthood and are trying to navigate this great big world full of people.
So...your lesson for today is to "mind your P's and Q's". That phrase came about originally, way back in the 17th Century in England, when bartenders had to keep an eye on their customers so they didn't drink too much. The P was for the pints they were drinking that could turn into quarts or Q's. Later it evolved into minding your manners, i.e. especially remembering to say 'please and thank you' and 'excuse me'. It really isn't hard to be polite. But you must practice, practice, practice. It will come back if you make it a habit to be nice.....Thank you for reading my blog today and please come back another time and excuse me if I stepped on any toes with today's Blog.....Hugs and Mush and remember always that Gommy is pulling for you. It can only make the world a nicer place if we remember to be kinder and gentler with each other.
Today, Gommy wants to write about rudeness.....Now you may be saying that you aren't rude because; you haven't tripped anyone on purpose lately, or you haven't made anyone cry from being so mean to them, or you can't remember snubbing anyone on purpose. Well friends, rudeness can take many forms. There are subtle ways to be rude and we should all try to be more aware of our actions so we don't increasingly become a society of rude people.
You could be the sort of rude person who is always late. That character flaw shows that you feel your time must be more important than the person you are making wait. Or you may interrupt others and by doing so, you assume what you have to say is more interesting than what the person you are interrupting is saying. Or you could talk or text on your phone while in the company of someone and this tells the person you are with that you don't really enjoy their company as much as answering the person who actually 'interrupted' you and the person who is with you at the time. While we are on the subject of the phone.....it is really rude to use your phone in: church, the movie theater, in school, at a meeting, etc..... Remember also, that no one needs to hear your entire conversation either. It used to be that conversations were between a couple of people, but now with the advent of the cell phone....everyone gets to hear what you are saying.
Another rudeness is vulgarity. Or in simpler terms....cussing....Goms for one doesn't appreciate the 'F' bomb being dropped all the time in social situations. Gommy isn't a prude by any means, but there are some people who don't appreciate profanity and in the spirit of giving a hoot, just tone it down while in public, pretty please. You might also remember that swearing is used by those who have a limited vocabulary....so learn a few more words.
The use of the phrases of 'please' and 'thank you' and 'excuse me' have seemingly gone out the window in today's machinations as well. It used to be the custom in polite society to say 'thank you' to someone for a nicety such as; holding a door open for you, serving you, or doing a favor for you. 'Please' also used to be the first word in asking someone FOR anything. And 'excuse me' was used when we infringed on anyone, be it either by interrupting them, bumping into them, saying 'excuse me' when you didn't hear what someone said, instead of saying "HUH?", or any unintentional act that may be seen as being rude.
When entering into a room or passing someone in the hall at work or even on the street.....would it kill any of us to say hello, good morning or at the least...give the person a nod? The definition of 'courtesy' is; to have excellence of manners and to be respectful or considerate of others. Courtesy is important because it shows respect for others and 'common courtesy', such as listening when others are speaking, makes it easier to just get along with people in general.
But, on the other hand, if someone is being rude and it is obvious that they are not going to change, just be all the more courteous and the rude person will be the one who looks the fool. That is because acting obnoxious is an affliction that isn't noticed by the obnoxious one and is very evident to everyone all around them.
Common courtesy is taught from the home while we are still children. If we aren't taught, we won't know how to be civil and we will end up being rude adults. So parents, 'please' teach good manners to your children while they are still impressionable. It is a habit that is learned. And it is your responsibility to teach your children how to be polite and live in a civilization, emphasis on the 'civil'. It will help them immensely while they are growing into adulthood and are trying to navigate this great big world full of people.
So...your lesson for today is to "mind your P's and Q's". That phrase came about originally, way back in the 17th Century in England, when bartenders had to keep an eye on their customers so they didn't drink too much. The P was for the pints they were drinking that could turn into quarts or Q's. Later it evolved into minding your manners, i.e. especially remembering to say 'please and thank you' and 'excuse me'. It really isn't hard to be polite. But you must practice, practice, practice. It will come back if you make it a habit to be nice.....Thank you for reading my blog today and please come back another time and excuse me if I stepped on any toes with today's Blog.....Hugs and Mush and remember always that Gommy is pulling for you. It can only make the world a nicer place if we remember to be kinder and gentler with each other.
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