Here we are, a day after the Fourth of July, 2009. It has been two-hundred and thirty-three years since our grand country gained its' independence and we have many brave men and women to thank for our still being able to celebrate the day. Because of their service to our country, we are able to watch our parades and gather together for our cook-outs and eat our hot dogs and drink our lemonade and enjoy the peace we sometimes take for granted.
Gommy was honored to be asked to judge the floats and other parade vehicles yesterday at our local hometown festivities. It was too, too cute to see the little faces of the little children who had their bikes all decorated with red, white and blue every things......It was a really big deal to them and it was touching to see their excitement, even though many of them probably didn't realize what we were celebrating! It was also heart-warming to see the parents, who had obviously worked tirelessly on the decorations as well and were just as excited. It was the first parade for many of the kids and it was just plain wonderful to see everyone celebrating and having fun.......
It brought back many memories of Gommys' childhood. My mom loved parades and we watched every Thanksgiving Day parade on TV each year......it was mandatory. And Gommy remembers enjoying the Easter Parades with the Easter Bunny bringing in Spring each year. There were also the yearly 'Candy Cane ' parades held by the local American Legion Post. Gommy can remember the thrill of catching the candy that was thrown by the kids on the floats. Then the last float carried the most important occupant of the whole she-bang......Santa Claus!!!!
The parade Gommy judged yesterday had the same candy thrown from floats. There was the same anticipation from the children standing on the parade route who were trying to catch the flying prizes. There were quite a few adults too who were trying to catch some candy along with reliving some of their childhood memories....
Then, later on in the evening, thousands of people gathered on the beach to listen to music being pumped out into the night air and watch the beautiful firework display. There were families, couples, friends, strangers and all kinds and sorts of people gathered just to enjoy the wonderful night together. There was no fighting or arguing anywhere. There were just people who were sitting on lawn chairs, or squares of blankets, sheets or beach towels side by side watching and oohing and ahhing at the free display and enjoying the music and each other. Gommy could imagine people all over the country who were sitting outdoors at lakes, parking lots, parks or just in their own backyards, who were doing the very same thing.
Gommy feels a whole lot better about our country when people come out and gather for celebrations like parades and fireworks displays......It is a good feeling to see Americans and people from many other countries enjoying and sharing the freedom we are Blessed with in the United States of America.
So Gommy thinks we should all be grateful for another year of the freedom we enjoy and not take it for granted. We should also say a prayer for the men and women who are still fighting for our freedom in those far away countries yet today. May God Bless them and and keep them safe until they can return home. And to all of you........may God continue to Bless you as well.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
A Salute to Mommies
Gommy got to thinking about how unappreciated a mommy is most of the time. I know everyone says they know how important the 'job' of motherhood is, but most people forget how much is involved in doing the 'job' correctly and how much it really entails.
To all you mommies out there, Gommy feels your pain. Not that it is a pain to raise your children, because it is not a pain, it is a joyful undertaking. But the 'pain' of never doing anything by yourself again is highly underestimated. When was the last time a mommy put on make-up without a live appendage clinging to her leg and usually crying because they knew mommy was going out? Why else would she be attempting (or bothering) to put make-up on? Or when a mommy is driving her car, when was the last time she could jam to Motley Crue instead of 'I Love You, You Love Me.....", or 'The Farmer in the Dell"?
Going to the grocery store is always a hassle when the kids come along. Everyone wants something different, or someone is cranky (that can be either the kids or the mommy), or if there is more than one child going with mommy, she has to keep her eyes on both or all of the children with her and hope they don't knock anything off the shelves or get lost in the store.
Mommy is usually the 'taxi-driver' to all school functions, sporting events or practices, dance and/or aerobic classes. Mommy is usually the one to make the lunches, she washes the clothes, she cleans up the house, and is the designated secretary and treasurer of the family who also keeps the dentist and doctor visits up to date. She is a virtual and indestructable 'Wonder-Human' ! Who can never get sick herself, I might add.
Mommies are usually the ones that have to be the designated driver when mommy and daddy have a chance to go out for a date night. Besides the DUI factor, someone has to be functional in the morning when the kiddies get up.
Gommy proposes that there is a Mother's Day one day of each month. It really isn't too much to ask and it is actually long overdue. Mommies give of themselves 24/7 and 12 months a year for a couple of decades per child!!! What would twelve days out of a year to honor mommies hurt? On Mother's Day each month, mommies could do whatever she wanted and she wouldn't have to do anything for anyone else, not even her husbands' mother. She could get a massage, she could go to the movies, she could go to the beach or the lake, she could sleep in to any hour she felt like or.............she could just drive by herself in the car and listen to whatever radio station she wanted and when she was at home, she could watch anything she wanted to watch on TV the whole day.......She should even have a pink-cape to wear to signify what a remarkable woman she is......
So hail to Moms everywhere. Gommy knows how wonderful you are. I bet there are others who know how great you are as well and if you get your 12 days a year as Gommy proposes, someone will be standing in for you and they will surely 'get it' by the end of the year.....Ya' Think?????
To all you mommies out there, Gommy feels your pain. Not that it is a pain to raise your children, because it is not a pain, it is a joyful undertaking. But the 'pain' of never doing anything by yourself again is highly underestimated. When was the last time a mommy put on make-up without a live appendage clinging to her leg and usually crying because they knew mommy was going out? Why else would she be attempting (or bothering) to put make-up on? Or when a mommy is driving her car, when was the last time she could jam to Motley Crue instead of 'I Love You, You Love Me.....", or 'The Farmer in the Dell"?
Going to the grocery store is always a hassle when the kids come along. Everyone wants something different, or someone is cranky (that can be either the kids or the mommy), or if there is more than one child going with mommy, she has to keep her eyes on both or all of the children with her and hope they don't knock anything off the shelves or get lost in the store.
Mommy is usually the 'taxi-driver' to all school functions, sporting events or practices, dance and/or aerobic classes. Mommy is usually the one to make the lunches, she washes the clothes, she cleans up the house, and is the designated secretary and treasurer of the family who also keeps the dentist and doctor visits up to date. She is a virtual and indestructable 'Wonder-Human' ! Who can never get sick herself, I might add.
Mommies are usually the ones that have to be the designated driver when mommy and daddy have a chance to go out for a date night. Besides the DUI factor, someone has to be functional in the morning when the kiddies get up.
Gommy proposes that there is a Mother's Day one day of each month. It really isn't too much to ask and it is actually long overdue. Mommies give of themselves 24/7 and 12 months a year for a couple of decades per child!!! What would twelve days out of a year to honor mommies hurt? On Mother's Day each month, mommies could do whatever she wanted and she wouldn't have to do anything for anyone else, not even her husbands' mother. She could get a massage, she could go to the movies, she could go to the beach or the lake, she could sleep in to any hour she felt like or.............she could just drive by herself in the car and listen to whatever radio station she wanted and when she was at home, she could watch anything she wanted to watch on TV the whole day.......She should even have a pink-cape to wear to signify what a remarkable woman she is......
So hail to Moms everywhere. Gommy knows how wonderful you are. I bet there are others who know how great you are as well and if you get your 12 days a year as Gommy proposes, someone will be standing in for you and they will surely 'get it' by the end of the year.....Ya' Think?????
Acceptance of What Is
It has been a few days since Gommy has written on her blog. No, it wasn't 'Bloggers' Block', it was work, work, work. Then Gommy and Grandpa Mike went to see a movie last night. It was a very, very sad movie. The movie was about losing a child. Gommy knows a few things about losing a child. In fact, losing two children and a husband. So today Gommy will write about loss. And then about acceptance of the loss.
It is very frightening and scary to lose a husband. Especially when you are a couple with young children. All of a sudden, the remaining parent has ALL of the responsibility for the children. It is hard enough when you have someone to share the raising of your children. When you are the surviving parent, you have a whole other bag of pitfalls and mistakes you can and probably will make with your children. Gommy feels, from her experiences, that as terrible as it is to lose a husband, it is so much worse to lose your child. Gommy has experienced both tragedies and as much as it hurts to lose your husband, there is no measure of the hurt you feel when your children die. Your heart doesn't feel as if it can go on beating again. Or that it even should go on beating. But it must and you know deep down that it must.
I thank God everyday that I have my daughter Tracey. Gommy can't even fathom the terribly unfortunate people who lose everyone in their family to a fire, accident or airplane crash. Tracey and I had and still have each other as family. We have shared memories of her Dad and Terry and Tiff. We share a grief that never does completely dissolve. But we also share very wonderful family memories as well.
The road out of grief is different for everyone. Some people never 'get over' their loss. 'Get over' doesn't seem right either because you never 'get over' losing a loved one. But how you deal with the loss is what makes the difference. Gommy thinks another analogy that is better to describe the feeling of family loss is like the spokes on a wheel. When one is missing, it is always missing and you can't replace it. Not even if you put in new spokes. Every holiday, birthday, a special place you all visited together, etc. is impacted by the feeling of loss. You hear a song, smell a smell, see something you know they would like, wonder if they would like some new invention or KNOW they would just love some new contraption that is new i.e. TEXTING....Gommy knows Tiff would be just 'running off at the fingers' with that invention. When Gommy hears a really good joke, Terry is the person I think of. I wish I could tell it to him because he was probably the funniest person Gommy ever knew......I miss sharing humor with Terry.
The subject line of this blog about acceptance will be very hard for some people to grasp. Acceptance is a gift you give yourself. The loss is not going to change but the way you deal with it can be. Many people become bitter and take their loss out on the world. Some just withdraw into themselves and never rejoin society. Some do manage to work through the grief and have a happy life after a time. You must remember that your loved ones would want you to be happy. Ask yourself if you were the one that had passed on, wouldn't you want your family to go on with their lives and be happy? Sure they would and you know they would in your heart.
It takes a long time to get to accept your loss. It takes work on yourself and sometimes it may even take therapy from someone who deals with the feelings of loss. When you first lose someone, you go through many stages of loss. There is everything from deep, deep sadness to denial to anger to helplessness. You have to go through each phase and if you try to skip one......look out! It will come back to bite you later on. There is no escaping all of the phases. If it is too painful to go through a certain phase, give yourself a break and wait a while. But do yourself a bigger favor and try to work through it because it won't go away. You have to face it.You may feel that if you accept it, you are saying you don't care. That is not acceptance. Acceptance is knowing you can't change something and you stop trying to change something that is impossible to change. We don't know why bad things happen. They just do.
It would be nice if something good could come out of the loss of a loved one. Many times a foundation is set up to find a cure for a disease that took someones' life one or a park is made and named after someone that has passed. Grandpa and Gommy started a scholarship fund from a golfing tournament we held, so kids from Terry and Tiffs' high-school could get a head start on a college education.
After a time, you will find that you can still enjoy things in your life. You will begin to look forward to a holiday or a special occasion that is coming up. There may be grandchildren that will fill your life with so much joy that you will have to love living again. Life is precious and should be enjoyed. I read somewhere that life is a gift and that is why it is called the 'present'.
So, Gommy says to remember to be thankful and grateful for every day you have here on this Earth. Even more so, be thankful for the wonderful years and memories you have of your loved ones. Gommy always says that she is grateful for the 17 and 22 years of pure bliss she had with Terry and Tiff. You can still make wonderful memories with the family you still have. And remember also that it is NEVER too late to "Live Happily Ever After."
It is very frightening and scary to lose a husband. Especially when you are a couple with young children. All of a sudden, the remaining parent has ALL of the responsibility for the children. It is hard enough when you have someone to share the raising of your children. When you are the surviving parent, you have a whole other bag of pitfalls and mistakes you can and probably will make with your children. Gommy feels, from her experiences, that as terrible as it is to lose a husband, it is so much worse to lose your child. Gommy has experienced both tragedies and as much as it hurts to lose your husband, there is no measure of the hurt you feel when your children die. Your heart doesn't feel as if it can go on beating again. Or that it even should go on beating. But it must and you know deep down that it must.
I thank God everyday that I have my daughter Tracey. Gommy can't even fathom the terribly unfortunate people who lose everyone in their family to a fire, accident or airplane crash. Tracey and I had and still have each other as family. We have shared memories of her Dad and Terry and Tiff. We share a grief that never does completely dissolve. But we also share very wonderful family memories as well.
The road out of grief is different for everyone. Some people never 'get over' their loss. 'Get over' doesn't seem right either because you never 'get over' losing a loved one. But how you deal with the loss is what makes the difference. Gommy thinks another analogy that is better to describe the feeling of family loss is like the spokes on a wheel. When one is missing, it is always missing and you can't replace it. Not even if you put in new spokes. Every holiday, birthday, a special place you all visited together, etc. is impacted by the feeling of loss. You hear a song, smell a smell, see something you know they would like, wonder if they would like some new invention or KNOW they would just love some new contraption that is new i.e. TEXTING....Gommy knows Tiff would be just 'running off at the fingers' with that invention. When Gommy hears a really good joke, Terry is the person I think of. I wish I could tell it to him because he was probably the funniest person Gommy ever knew......I miss sharing humor with Terry.
The subject line of this blog about acceptance will be very hard for some people to grasp. Acceptance is a gift you give yourself. The loss is not going to change but the way you deal with it can be. Many people become bitter and take their loss out on the world. Some just withdraw into themselves and never rejoin society. Some do manage to work through the grief and have a happy life after a time. You must remember that your loved ones would want you to be happy. Ask yourself if you were the one that had passed on, wouldn't you want your family to go on with their lives and be happy? Sure they would and you know they would in your heart.
It takes a long time to get to accept your loss. It takes work on yourself and sometimes it may even take therapy from someone who deals with the feelings of loss. When you first lose someone, you go through many stages of loss. There is everything from deep, deep sadness to denial to anger to helplessness. You have to go through each phase and if you try to skip one......look out! It will come back to bite you later on. There is no escaping all of the phases. If it is too painful to go through a certain phase, give yourself a break and wait a while. But do yourself a bigger favor and try to work through it because it won't go away. You have to face it.You may feel that if you accept it, you are saying you don't care. That is not acceptance. Acceptance is knowing you can't change something and you stop trying to change something that is impossible to change. We don't know why bad things happen. They just do.
It would be nice if something good could come out of the loss of a loved one. Many times a foundation is set up to find a cure for a disease that took someones' life one or a park is made and named after someone that has passed. Grandpa and Gommy started a scholarship fund from a golfing tournament we held, so kids from Terry and Tiffs' high-school could get a head start on a college education.
After a time, you will find that you can still enjoy things in your life. You will begin to look forward to a holiday or a special occasion that is coming up. There may be grandchildren that will fill your life with so much joy that you will have to love living again. Life is precious and should be enjoyed. I read somewhere that life is a gift and that is why it is called the 'present'.
So, Gommy says to remember to be thankful and grateful for every day you have here on this Earth. Even more so, be thankful for the wonderful years and memories you have of your loved ones. Gommy always says that she is grateful for the 17 and 22 years of pure bliss she had with Terry and Tiff. You can still make wonderful memories with the family you still have. And remember also that it is NEVER too late to "Live Happily Ever After."
Sunday, June 28, 2009
The Old Gray Mare
Gommy thinks this 'old gray mare' might just be what she used to be after all. Today is the last day of taking care of my two little ones. That would be Gommys' grandchildren Samantha, who is 2 3/4 and Brandon, who is 5 months. Gommy made it through the boo-boo's, the mealtimes, the nap times, the 2 am feedings, playtime-activities and bedtimes. And it was all wonderful. Just like riding a bike really. It all comes back to you and you remember when your own little ones were young. It brought back some pretty nice memories.
Gommy did cheat a little though. When things got too temperamental, i.e. a potential meltdown by big sister, or the 'witching hour' which usually occurs right when it is time to fix dinner, (things haven't changed all that much since Gommys' little ones did the same thing), there was always "Little Bear", "Dragon Tales" or some other fun thing to watch that Mommy doesn't usually allow except for before naptime or bedtime.
Today Gommy and Grandpa Mike go back to our 'regular life' of work, eat, sleep, work, eat, sleep, work, eat, sleep, and on and on. We will miss our little ones' faces in the morning, the fun in-between times and the cuddling at night. We'll miss the cutest questions from the cutest little voice. Grandpa Mike loves it when he comes home from work and Samantha is anxiously waiting for him at the front door. That is the purest form of love. And how when he is still asleep in the morning, he feels eyes staring at him and when he opens his own eyes, there is Samantha waiting for him to get up and have breakfast with her. There is nothing like it in the world. It makes you feel needed again and that is a very nice feeling.
So, it is Sunday again and Gommy is reminded how we have even more to be grateful for this week than last. We are so Blessed to have such a wonderful life with our family. The best part of life is sharing it with loved ones. You can't buy this sort of special time. We didn't have to go to an amusement park, or a movie theater, or anywhere at all that costs money. We had books to read, cartoons to watch, a playroom full of fun and educational toys and we even had story time where we told stories to each other of good memories we have.
I know Mommy and Daddy enjoyed their time together and their big girl and big boy playtime to celebrate Daddys' birthday but Gommy wouldn't trade all the fun she had with the little ones for anything. And I think I can speak for Granpa Mike too. So thanks Trace and John for taking your little trip......it was really more of a gift to Gommy and Grandpa Mike.......tee,hee
Gommy did cheat a little though. When things got too temperamental, i.e. a potential meltdown by big sister, or the 'witching hour' which usually occurs right when it is time to fix dinner, (things haven't changed all that much since Gommys' little ones did the same thing), there was always "Little Bear", "Dragon Tales" or some other fun thing to watch that Mommy doesn't usually allow except for before naptime or bedtime.
Today Gommy and Grandpa Mike go back to our 'regular life' of work, eat, sleep, work, eat, sleep, work, eat, sleep, and on and on. We will miss our little ones' faces in the morning, the fun in-between times and the cuddling at night. We'll miss the cutest questions from the cutest little voice. Grandpa Mike loves it when he comes home from work and Samantha is anxiously waiting for him at the front door. That is the purest form of love. And how when he is still asleep in the morning, he feels eyes staring at him and when he opens his own eyes, there is Samantha waiting for him to get up and have breakfast with her. There is nothing like it in the world. It makes you feel needed again and that is a very nice feeling.
So, it is Sunday again and Gommy is reminded how we have even more to be grateful for this week than last. We are so Blessed to have such a wonderful life with our family. The best part of life is sharing it with loved ones. You can't buy this sort of special time. We didn't have to go to an amusement park, or a movie theater, or anywhere at all that costs money. We had books to read, cartoons to watch, a playroom full of fun and educational toys and we even had story time where we told stories to each other of good memories we have.
I know Mommy and Daddy enjoyed their time together and their big girl and big boy playtime to celebrate Daddys' birthday but Gommy wouldn't trade all the fun she had with the little ones for anything. And I think I can speak for Granpa Mike too. So thanks Trace and John for taking your little trip......it was really more of a gift to Gommy and Grandpa Mike.......tee,hee
Saturday, June 27, 2009
From Mommy to Gommy
Gommy has had the pleasure the last few days to take care of two of her grandchildren. They are; Samantha age 2 3/4 and Brandon 5 months. As a mommy, I remember these times but in a very different way. When you are the mommy, you are responsible for them totally and in every way. Gommy is just responsible for them and their safety for two and a half days......Two and a half glorious, wonderful and fun filled days. Everything they say and do is just so precious to Gommy. I can remember as a Mommy that I didn't think everything my kids did was so precious. Yes, I enjoyed them and loved them beyond words, but when you are THE mommy, every day life comes into play and you sometimes don't have the luxury to just sit around and marvel at what miracles the children are. There is laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping, taking them to sports or dance or picking them up from school. Gommy can just be with them and get all their 'sugar' (that's Southern slang for kisses).
I have heard the saying that you should have your grandchildren first so you could enjoy your own children more. Now that idea is probably going to be stolen from Gommy too. For years Gommy has said that we should be born old and become younger each day so we would be more appreciative of the aches and pains disappearing and a wrinkle that is not there one morning when you are looking at yourself in the mirror while brushing your teeth, or the stamina that you regain each day...... Does the movie 'Benjamin Button" ring a bell?????Oh well, what I meant about having grandchildren first is that they are pure joy. No, they are pure bliss. I am writing this right now while Brandon is making the most adorable baby-cooing talk sounds and it is making my heart melt. I don't think he could be having as much fun making those sounds as I am listening to them. Earlier, before lunch and naptime for Samantha, we swam in her pool and just giggled, laughed and splashed and made wonderful memories. At lunch, there was some spinach in her noodles and when she said she didn't like spinach, I told her about "Popeye the Sailor Man". I taught her the song and when she started singing it, I knew I had to show her a Popeye cartoon on YouTube....she loved it. Even though it was grainy and hokey. Not like the slick cartoons she is used to.....but she loved it just the same. She and Gommy shared a piece of history today.
What I want to say to Mommies out there on a more serious note though is that some day your little ones will grow up and leave the nest. That is the way it is supposed to be. But in the mean time, make sure you are making a life for yourself as well and that you are staying close to your husband in ways that will assure there is still a 'couple' left when the kids are gone.
I have a glorious relationship with my daughter Tracey. I think that is so precisely because I try not to MOTHER her. Yes, I am still her mother, but my job of 'mothering' is finished. We moms must let our children make their own decisions and mistakes. Gommy isn't saying I don't still worry like a mom or occasionally tell Trace to be careful, etc. - but Gommy really does TRY not to give advice unless it is ASKED for....and even then, Gommy has learned to 'use a filter' when answering because as I have said before, most people don't want your advice, they usually want someone to agree with them and your children aren't any different.
Moms that have the hardest time with the 'empty nest syndrome' are the ones that don't have any other identity except as a 'mother'. Believe Gommy when I tell you, you will have a much happier relationship with your kids if you just keep your opinions to yourself and mind your own business and let your kids mind theirs. .....It will be much appreciated and your kids might even like to have you around a little more. Gommy has to say a big thank you to Grandpa Mike for helping too. He was very gracious about just packing up and moving in for the days we were needed to be with the grands. I thank God every day that Grandpa Mike and Gommy kept the 'couple' alive in our relationship so we still have each other now that our children have flown the coop. Good luck all you comrades out there.....let Gommy know how it is all working out for you!
I have heard the saying that you should have your grandchildren first so you could enjoy your own children more. Now that idea is probably going to be stolen from Gommy too. For years Gommy has said that we should be born old and become younger each day so we would be more appreciative of the aches and pains disappearing and a wrinkle that is not there one morning when you are looking at yourself in the mirror while brushing your teeth, or the stamina that you regain each day...... Does the movie 'Benjamin Button" ring a bell?????Oh well, what I meant about having grandchildren first is that they are pure joy. No, they are pure bliss. I am writing this right now while Brandon is making the most adorable baby-cooing talk sounds and it is making my heart melt. I don't think he could be having as much fun making those sounds as I am listening to them. Earlier, before lunch and naptime for Samantha, we swam in her pool and just giggled, laughed and splashed and made wonderful memories. At lunch, there was some spinach in her noodles and when she said she didn't like spinach, I told her about "Popeye the Sailor Man". I taught her the song and when she started singing it, I knew I had to show her a Popeye cartoon on YouTube....she loved it. Even though it was grainy and hokey. Not like the slick cartoons she is used to.....but she loved it just the same. She and Gommy shared a piece of history today.
What I want to say to Mommies out there on a more serious note though is that some day your little ones will grow up and leave the nest. That is the way it is supposed to be. But in the mean time, make sure you are making a life for yourself as well and that you are staying close to your husband in ways that will assure there is still a 'couple' left when the kids are gone.
I have a glorious relationship with my daughter Tracey. I think that is so precisely because I try not to MOTHER her. Yes, I am still her mother, but my job of 'mothering' is finished. We moms must let our children make their own decisions and mistakes. Gommy isn't saying I don't still worry like a mom or occasionally tell Trace to be careful, etc. - but Gommy really does TRY not to give advice unless it is ASKED for....and even then, Gommy has learned to 'use a filter' when answering because as I have said before, most people don't want your advice, they usually want someone to agree with them and your children aren't any different.
Moms that have the hardest time with the 'empty nest syndrome' are the ones that don't have any other identity except as a 'mother'. Believe Gommy when I tell you, you will have a much happier relationship with your kids if you just keep your opinions to yourself and mind your own business and let your kids mind theirs. .....It will be much appreciated and your kids might even like to have you around a little more. Gommy has to say a big thank you to Grandpa Mike for helping too. He was very gracious about just packing up and moving in for the days we were needed to be with the grands. I thank God every day that Grandpa Mike and Gommy kept the 'couple' alive in our relationship so we still have each other now that our children have flown the coop. Good luck all you comrades out there.....let Gommy know how it is all working out for you!
Friday, June 26, 2009
Boundaries
Gommy wants to say something about setting boundaries. Boundaries are necessary if we are to get along with each other, or have a relationship with our in-laws, or just live together on this planet and still be happy. Gommy has always been an advocate of the belief that people only do to you what you allow them to do. One of my blog readers (thank you very much) wrote to tell Gommy that they had forgiven someone and that someone still got to them after the fact.
Now Gommy hasn't always been so great at this sort of thing herself. Gommy has been known to be a "Doris Doormat" herself and a poster girl for the "Best Little Girl in the World" syndrome as well. At one time, Gommy would take the long way around any situation so as not to have a confrontational experience. Or make herself very, very small so no one would notice her and ask her to take sides. Even if one of the sides was Gommys'!!!!! Live and Learn, right? Gommy learned. Did I mention I'm a slow learner????
There is a fine line between intelligence and being wise. Intelligence is a measure of mental acuity. Being wise is knowing and using good judgement. Gommy has always suspected that she was a little ESP-ish....Gommy can usually tell, just by entering a room, if there is tension between the people in the room, or get vibes from people, really strong vibes!!! Gommy can also feel when someone is troubled about something. Gommy used to think the person was mad at Gommy but I have finally come to realize that isn't the case. It is usually just the other persons' stuff, but when you feel it so strongly, you mistakenly think it must have something to do with you.....NOT!!!
Back to setting boundaries. First, you have to be willing to listen to the other persons' side before you make up your mind about the whole she-bang....But if you really can't agree with the person, say it. Believe it or not, they will respect you for saying your piece. Gommy isn't saying they will like it, but they will respect you. They also will know where they stand from then on and it takes away any lingering 'feelings' or doubts about the subject. The secret to the whole thing though is to be kind when you say NO! Saying no isn't a crime. The crime is when you do something you don't want to do and do it anyway. It can be a 'crying shame' and the crime is against YOU...Self-inflicted yes, but it still feels like someone was wronged and they were....YOU!
So it goes back to the blog I did on forgiving. If someone has done something to you and you can't seem to set boundaries with them, you should still forgive them. It will make you feel better. It is like the story about two Monks. Monks normally take a vow of silence and are not supposed to speak or have any sort of relationship or contact with other people. Well, these two Monks were walking along a road and they came upon a creek. There was a girl in a long dress on the edge of the creek and she seemed concerned about how she would get across without getting her dress wet. The one Monk said to the girl, "Would you like me to help you across creek?" The girl answered that she would. The Monk carried her across to the other side and then the two Monks went on with their walk. After a time, the one Monk said to the other Monk, "You know we aren't supposed to talk with or have contact with anyone and you carried that girl across the creek." The other Monk said, "Oh, are you still carrying that girl? I let her off hours ago!". The Monk who was so worried about doing the right thing was mulling the incident over and over in his mind and not letting it go while the Monk who was just doing something nice for someone wasn't agonizing about it any longer. If we keep harboring our ill feelings, we end up making ourselves sick over it. Just let it go.....free yourself and do yourself the favor.....Stop telling your 'sad story' over and over to yourself. There are so many more nice things you can think about.
So Gommy says to be nice about telling someone to 'BACKOFF'. Rehearse it over to yourself. Write it down and read it out loud. It is hard at first, but it comes easier once you get the hang of it. Gommy says quit thinking about stuff that is unpleasant. You and everyone who comes in contact with you will be happier......So, be happy, don't worry. I think Gommy has heard that somewhere before....But it still applies!
Now Gommy hasn't always been so great at this sort of thing herself. Gommy has been known to be a "Doris Doormat" herself and a poster girl for the "Best Little Girl in the World" syndrome as well. At one time, Gommy would take the long way around any situation so as not to have a confrontational experience. Or make herself very, very small so no one would notice her and ask her to take sides. Even if one of the sides was Gommys'!!!!! Live and Learn, right? Gommy learned. Did I mention I'm a slow learner????
There is a fine line between intelligence and being wise. Intelligence is a measure of mental acuity. Being wise is knowing and using good judgement. Gommy has always suspected that she was a little ESP-ish....Gommy can usually tell, just by entering a room, if there is tension between the people in the room, or get vibes from people, really strong vibes!!! Gommy can also feel when someone is troubled about something. Gommy used to think the person was mad at Gommy but I have finally come to realize that isn't the case. It is usually just the other persons' stuff, but when you feel it so strongly, you mistakenly think it must have something to do with you.....NOT!!!
Back to setting boundaries. First, you have to be willing to listen to the other persons' side before you make up your mind about the whole she-bang....But if you really can't agree with the person, say it. Believe it or not, they will respect you for saying your piece. Gommy isn't saying they will like it, but they will respect you. They also will know where they stand from then on and it takes away any lingering 'feelings' or doubts about the subject. The secret to the whole thing though is to be kind when you say NO! Saying no isn't a crime. The crime is when you do something you don't want to do and do it anyway. It can be a 'crying shame' and the crime is against YOU...Self-inflicted yes, but it still feels like someone was wronged and they were....YOU!
So it goes back to the blog I did on forgiving. If someone has done something to you and you can't seem to set boundaries with them, you should still forgive them. It will make you feel better. It is like the story about two Monks. Monks normally take a vow of silence and are not supposed to speak or have any sort of relationship or contact with other people. Well, these two Monks were walking along a road and they came upon a creek. There was a girl in a long dress on the edge of the creek and she seemed concerned about how she would get across without getting her dress wet. The one Monk said to the girl, "Would you like me to help you across creek?" The girl answered that she would. The Monk carried her across to the other side and then the two Monks went on with their walk. After a time, the one Monk said to the other Monk, "You know we aren't supposed to talk with or have contact with anyone and you carried that girl across the creek." The other Monk said, "Oh, are you still carrying that girl? I let her off hours ago!". The Monk who was so worried about doing the right thing was mulling the incident over and over in his mind and not letting it go while the Monk who was just doing something nice for someone wasn't agonizing about it any longer. If we keep harboring our ill feelings, we end up making ourselves sick over it. Just let it go.....free yourself and do yourself the favor.....Stop telling your 'sad story' over and over to yourself. There are so many more nice things you can think about.
So Gommy says to be nice about telling someone to 'BACKOFF'. Rehearse it over to yourself. Write it down and read it out loud. It is hard at first, but it comes easier once you get the hang of it. Gommy says quit thinking about stuff that is unpleasant. You and everyone who comes in contact with you will be happier......So, be happy, don't worry. I think Gommy has heard that somewhere before....But it still applies!
Gone But Not Forgotten
Gommy is very sad today. In the last few days, we have lost three icons who have left imprints on many of us and left us with very fond memories of very great entertainment. Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson have all passed. Ed McMahon had a very long career and lived a good, long life. He was Johnny Carson's sidekick for many years on The Tonight Show. Farrah Fawcett was the pin-up girl of the 70's and was probably most remembered for her role as Jill in 'Charlie's Angels". I don't think there are very many people from the 70's who didn't watch her solve crime after crime with her two BF's.... And then there is Michael Jackson, The King of Pop..... He was an entertainer extraordinaire. He had moves like no one had ever seen when he made his album "Thriller". Everyone sang along with his songs and loved to watch him dance and tried to dance themselves like he did. He was the real deal!
The passing of these three famous people made Gommy think about how life is so fleeting.....We are here today and gone tomorrow. Whether we are famous or not, we all have to leave this planet. Like my Dad used to say, "No one gets out of here alive." It makes you think that we should all take the time to appreciate every day we do have while we are alive. It is incomprehensible to many of us that one day, we too will be gone. Hopefully we won't be forgotten either. The impressions we leave with loved ones or even friends and acquaintances are the legacy's we leave of how we spent our lives. You can either do good things while you are still among the living and leave a nice impression (literally and figuratively), or it may just be said of you when you depart, "Good riddance to bad rubbish". Maybe not that harsh, but you see where Gommy is going with this.
Entertainers are remembered for their movies, songs, comedy, etc., but the rest of us are remembered by how you treat other people, how fair and honest you were to others, if you were kind and helpful and who you loved and maybe more importantly, who loved you. Gommy hopes you had the chance to know real true love and to have been truly loved by someone while you were here.
So Gommy thinks we should all say a prayer and a good-bye to Ed, Farrah and Michael. Then we should all say a prayer and a thank you for all we have and for all of our Blessings. No matter how much or how little we have, we should be thankful for it all. There are many things to be thankful for, even if you can't think of anything. How about you are breathing right now? How about you ate some food today and how about most of us had a bed to sleep in and a roof over our heads last night? Believe it or not, there are many people in the world who didn't have any of those luxury's. Yes luxury's...... No one owes you any of those things. They were provided to you through the Grace of God. There are some people in the world who would switch with us in a second......so you better start being thankful or you may just be taught how it is be without!
The passing of these three famous people made Gommy think about how life is so fleeting.....We are here today and gone tomorrow. Whether we are famous or not, we all have to leave this planet. Like my Dad used to say, "No one gets out of here alive." It makes you think that we should all take the time to appreciate every day we do have while we are alive. It is incomprehensible to many of us that one day, we too will be gone. Hopefully we won't be forgotten either. The impressions we leave with loved ones or even friends and acquaintances are the legacy's we leave of how we spent our lives. You can either do good things while you are still among the living and leave a nice impression (literally and figuratively), or it may just be said of you when you depart, "Good riddance to bad rubbish". Maybe not that harsh, but you see where Gommy is going with this.
Entertainers are remembered for their movies, songs, comedy, etc., but the rest of us are remembered by how you treat other people, how fair and honest you were to others, if you were kind and helpful and who you loved and maybe more importantly, who loved you. Gommy hopes you had the chance to know real true love and to have been truly loved by someone while you were here.
So Gommy thinks we should all say a prayer and a good-bye to Ed, Farrah and Michael. Then we should all say a prayer and a thank you for all we have and for all of our Blessings. No matter how much or how little we have, we should be thankful for it all. There are many things to be thankful for, even if you can't think of anything. How about you are breathing right now? How about you ate some food today and how about most of us had a bed to sleep in and a roof over our heads last night? Believe it or not, there are many people in the world who didn't have any of those luxury's. Yes luxury's...... No one owes you any of those things. They were provided to you through the Grace of God. There are some people in the world who would switch with us in a second......so you better start being thankful or you may just be taught how it is be without!
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