Happy Birthday Sweet Tiffany

Happy Birthday, my sweet, dear Tiffany. You would have been 36 today! Yeah I know!!! Can you believe it? Me neither. It seems just like yesterday that you came into our lives and brought so much joy to everyone who ever met you. I often think of what you would be ‘into’ these days. I can imagine that you would be sooooo loving all the electronic gadgets that are available today. You practically slept with your ‘land-line’ Princess telephone….back in the day. You had so many friends to stay in touch with….that I remember I used to tell you that you would end up with cauliflower ear from being on the phone so much. But now….there are phones that fit right in your pocket and you can text and talk to your friends 24/7. You can even send pictures to people now through your phone! I know…incredible…right? And there are these things called Computers now. You would love all this new technology!

I often wonder when you would have married and what career path you would have taken and how many children you would have had. You always love, love, loved kids…..so you probably would have had at least a couple! You wouldn’t believe how big Biscuit is now. He turned 20 last month. Unreal, eh? He is back in school and in the process of getting credits from college that he needs to get in the Army….just like his Dad. You would recognize him anywhere Tiff, because he looks so much like your brother Terry. He is a real sweetie too.

You never had the chance to meet Megan…but she is 18 now and just got her new car and is on the road….much like you, Sweet Tiff. She is funny like her Dad and talks about as much as you did. We get to see Terry , Meggie and Deana sometimes…..but not nearly as much as we would like. But they have a lot going on in their lives. We keep in touch through this thingy called Facebook. It is a Social Network invented to keep in touch with friends and reconnect with old friends. You would probably have about a bazillion friends on here. No, really….I think you are just allowed to have 5000. But you would have that in no time. Gommy does all right herself on the friends lists. You’d be proud of your old Mom.

Oh, BTW..the Gommy thing? The Grands call me Gommy. And they call Mike, ‘Grandpa Mike’. Mike misses you too Tiff. You and he always had a special relationship and he loved you bunches. Tracey and John have the most adorable little ones. Samantha and Brandon. And Mikey (yes, little Mikey) has a little girl named Kyra. You would be in Heaven with these cutie patooties. Also, I have been keeping up with the new lingo…just like you used to keep me up with your ‘word of the week’ that you would leave for me on the dryer to help me ‘stay up to date’.

Tracey and I have the most wonderful relationship Tiff. How Blessed am I? We always spend your birthday day together. The only thing missing….is YOU. There is nothing as rewarding as to finally become friends with your children, once they are grown. I miss being with you and Terry very much….but I feel you with me whenever I need a Tiff and Ter moment. Thanks for that. Every time I see birds, I think of you. I can remember when you were little, you asking me what kind of bird this or that one was. And I think of Terry whenever I see a motorcycle or anything to do with the Army. I know you are in a much better place….but the selfish part of me wishes you were still around for us to all be a family again. It has never quite been the same at the Holidays without you guys. Oh pooh…your old Mom is tearing up now.

When Nana died in December, memories of how often she said how much she loved you came back to me. She used to tell me all the time, how you would just brighten up her day and how you always told her how pretty she looked….or that you would compliment her about her outfit or her hair or the pin she was wearing…or whatever. I have tried to make that a part of my life now too. You taught me that if there was ever a time that you could make a person feel better by telling them something nice about themselves….to tell them. Don’t keep it to yourself. That always made me so proud of you Tiff. But there were scads of things that made me proud of my three excellent, smart, beautiful, kind, brave and astonishing kids.

A dear friend sent me an email last week and in it…was this beautiful reminder of just how precious time is. For those who haven’t had to face losing a child or loved one (as I have with you and Terry) …..it may not resonate……right now. I say ‘right now’ because, sadly…. not very many of us escape the unexplainable sorrow of the death of a loved one. But this will eventually resonate with everyone….at some time in their life. As I read this piece….I think about each instance, because it has already touched someone in every one of these images:

To realize the value of a sister/brother…ask someone who doesn’t have one.
To realize the value of ten years; as a newly divorced couple.
To realize the value of four years; ask a graduate.
To realize the value of one year; ask a student who has failed a final exam.
To realize the value of nine months; ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.
To realize the value of one month; ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.
To realize the value of one minute; ask a person who has missed the train, bus or plane.
To realize the value of one-second; ask a person who has survived an accident.
Time waits for no one. So, treasure every moment you have. You will treasure it even more when you can share it with someone special.
To realize the value of a friend or family member: LOSE ONE.
Remember….hold on tight to the ones you love!
I sure wish I could hold and hug you…at least one more moment.

So, I’ll be thinking of you a lot today….even more than usual. Wish we could go to the Mall and shop for something for your birthday together. Remember the store Wet Seal? Every time I go by one….I think of you and wonder if you would still love their clothes the way you used to. I just know you would still like to go shopping. I still wear some of your things. I know….they are out of style…but who cares? They were yours and you wore them…..so they are perfect…to me!

Mommy loves you Sweetie. I miss you more than I could ever put into these words. There are times that I feel like the beautiful words of the poet Pablo Neruda, “….my feet will want to walk to where you are sleeping but I shall go on living.” I know I’ll see you again sometime….and whenever that is…we will REALLY catch up on EVERYTHING! But in the meantime….I know you are with me because I feel you there. As in the telling words of Carrie Latet – “Ever felt an angel's breath in the gentle breeze? A teardrop in the falling rain? Hear a whisper amongst the rustle of leaves? Or been kissed by a lone snowflake? Nature is an angel's favorite hiding place.” And I know that it's you. Give Terry a kiss for me too.
Hugs & Mush – Mommy (I know, I know…..I borrowed that Hugs & Mush line from you too…and I use it all the time ;-D)