Hello boys and girls. Mostly the girls today though. Gommys' blog title can be meant two ways.....Stuff the guilt (meaning keep pushing in down), or STUFF the guilt (meaning to stuff it....and you know where!).
Most girls, women and especially Mommies, know all too well how to stuff down our guilt about a plethora of feelings, deeds, expectations, etc. Those mommies out there know exactly what Gommy is talking about. Well, Goms is giving you all permission.....right here in writing....to STUFF it wherever it will be out of sight and out of your mind once and for all.
You know the 'stuff' Goms is talking about. The old....'should I make a 5 course dinner tonight or just give them the mac and cheese and fish sticks that they love anyway?' Remember that it isn't poison...it is just convenient. Or , 'Should I take them to yet ANOTHER Princess or Cowboy themed party on Saturday, or spend the day at home in our own pool and relax? Should I skip the next play-date with that unbearable brat and her affected mother or have a sitter come by and go have a massage?' Or am I a horrible Mom because I let them watch a TV show so I don't go bonkers, because they are still for one half hour a day while they are watching their Super Hero or their alter-ego being saved by some Prince somewhere?" Gommy could go on here, but I think you get my drift. The only real harm you may be doing is letting them believe there actually is a knight in shining armor waiting to treat them like princesses somewhere! lol
All Moms, throughout the ages, have struggled with trying to be the best Mom they can be. But you know what? You will always be the best Mom to your kids.....no matter how much you do or don't deprive yourself of, or how hard you try to keep all the plates up in the air or let a few fall to the floor. Your kids love you just because you are their Mom. PERIOD.
Another thing to keep in mind is that if you are haggard, ragged and tired....you will not be at your best anyway, so take care of Mommy first, so there will be something left to nurture with. I know.....you are thinking, 'But that is so selfish!" Uh...and what is your point? How can Moms be expected to care for others when she is so tired from the demands put on her that she doesn't even know WHO she is any longer? And another thing....that term..."Working Mother" is quite redundant....don't you think? DUH. A wife and mother is never without something to do and rarely does something nice JUST for herself. So Moms......pay attention. Gommy says to take a little time for yourself along the way. You will enjoy the whole experience much more. I promise.
And don't say that it isn't possible to take some time for yourself. That isn't exactly true is it? What would you do if you got sick? You would have to let other people take over if you came down with the flu wouldn't you? So....take advantage of a grandparent to watch your little ones....or your spouse could give you a night off with the girls or to do something you would like to do just for yourself. Oh, and here's a little hint....when you leave for that occasional date or whatever it is you must leave your Ivory Tower for, and as you are leaving, those sobbing little ones who are clinging and reaching out for you are pouring on the guilt.....don't give it another thought because they stop crying the moment the door shuts. Sorry kiddies.....I love you to bits...but that little secret needs to be out in the open! Gommy has witnessed it many times for herself!
Another thing to remember is to NOT compare yourself or your child to other people. You don't have any idea what is going on in their lives. Their perfect little one may be perfect out and a total diaper dictator at home. Or the other Mommy may seem all put together and have everything under control but is masking a deeper need to 'seem' as if everything is hunky-dory!
And remember when you were beating yourself up about having a hard time breast feeding? And you let those 'other' people (including your husband) make you feel you weren't 'enough' because the pain and cracked, bleeding nipples was a fault of your not being good enough at your mommy-ism-ness....(is that a word...well it should be...lol). If you could only attach the vacuum to their nipples and every so often use your nail file on them until they bleed and attach the vacuum again...maybe they would 'get it'. I know....Ouch....but that is what some mommies go through in trying to be the best Mom in the world.
And here is another little secret for you Moms....most people.....no matter what they tell you....have yelled at their child before. Unless you are a woman with nerves of steel or are on medication, i.e Xanax and/or copious amounts of wine....your kids do get on your last nerve at times. Just as your husband gets on your nerves at times too. And in the spirit of equal fairness....moms get on their husbands and kids nerves as well. But do not beat yourself up for yelling at the kids sometimes. Just take it as a reminder that it is time for another 'Mommy Break'...or call it timeout for Mommy if you will. And for the rest of the story......the kids aren't scarred for life from your losing it some times. You can ask any person over the age of 40 if their parents yelled and/or spanked them and most will tell you absolutely yesssssss. And we are pretty well adjusted individuals for the most part. It is only the last generation that started with the coddling their children so much that the kids are the bosses of the house instead of the parents. Remember...those little angels are masters and mistresses of manipulation. Just watch them in action when they play mom and dad against each other.....Stay firm and strong. A house divided will definitely fall!
And look where all this leniency has led. Children so abusive that they cause their school chums to commit suicide, or they shoot up their classmates while in some bizarre social misfit gang, or they can have no conscience and are able to actually light another student on fire, or secretly tape them doing something personal and putting it online for others to watch for 'entertainment'....or bully others constantly about their sexual persuasion and many other terrible things we hear all too often on the news. How is that working out for those parents who thought they were practicing 'good parenting rules' by not hurting their childs' self-esteem?
Ok.....now you get the idea that it isn't advisable to allow yourself to have the nasty 'Mommy Guilt'. It is easy and normal to fall into the trap of it....but it isn't wise to wallow in it. We all grow up eventually and we mostly all survive how our own parents parented us. It is so easy to blame Mom for everything in our lives that went wrong.... but when we BECOME Moms....we begin to realize it was much easier to be the BEST Mom before we actually became a Mom.
So..pat yourself on the back (cause you probably won't get many from anyone else) and give yourself a break once in a while. Rejoin the human race (the one where the people are over 4 feet tall). You will be a better Mom for it and if you need another pep talk.....just send Gommy a message at the end of this blog. Goms is pulling for you Mommies of the World! Good job....and Gommy is also sending you all a high five and a virtual pat on the back!!!!
There is a happy ending to this story. It is called becoming a Gommy. All the love and happiness.....none of the responsibility...... or the dreaded guilt......(you may now picture this Gommy smiling).....Hugs & Mush, Gommy
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Monday, October 11, 2010
Is This THE Happiness Quotient???
Gommy was wondering today what makes us happy. And low and behold, when I opened up my email page today, AOL had an option of reading a topic of the day. The article that popped out said that the "Happiest Person in the World" had proof that he was happy. Wellllll, that certainly grabbed Gommy's attention. It was as if the answer to my ponderings today, was emailed to me directly. Thanks ethernet!!! We are all seemingly searching for happiness in our lives and this was certainly a very timely and interesting article for Gommy. And for those of you who don't use AOL.....here is the gist of the theory on happiness.
There are different types of meditation, and I tried to gather all these exercises into a small manual for a Western audience ["Why Meditation?"]. But in clinical trials that study the effects of meditation in the West, 30 minutes a day has been the foundation. We always see that after three months, meditation has had a significant effect in reducing stress and the tendency toward depression. It reinforces the immune system and positive emotions. It's been studied for 10 years in the West. Sitting for that precious 30 minutes modifies the quality of the other 23 hours and 30 minutes.
So happiness is a skill?
Pleasure cannot be cultivated -- only renewed. But you can cultivate inner peace, strength, freedom -- the qualities that create genuine happiness. We start with different baselines: For instance, everyone will not become a champion of tennis, but within a few months or a few years of training, even a beginner can become a decent player and enjoy it.
Do negative emotions, like anger, have a purpose?
If you witness someone beating a child or an injustice, anger can motivate you to do something. But all the studies have shown that people who systematically vent their anger just reinforce their tendency to be angry. You don't just want to suppress it or you'll be like a time bomb. Instead, you look at your anger and let it vanish. When you cease to fuel a fire, it slowly dies out.
You're not talking about being a pushover.
A mother who gets angry and aggressive, is taken over by nerves. A mother can be loving but still be firm, straight and a bit severe. You can extend that attitude of the mother to others.
What about sadness?
Sadness is not incompatible with happiness because happiness is not just a pleasant sensation. Sadness can help you feel compassion. Even when you are sad, you can continue to do wonderful things.
What is the relationship between happiness and ambition?
Ambition for wealth, fame or power puts our hopes and fears outside ourselves. It's individualistic, self-centered and egocentric. But ambition in terms of becoming a better person, preserving the environment or finding inner peace can motivate you.
The search for material goods seems to become a cycle for people -- the emptier they feel, the more money and stuff they seek to fill the void.
Yes, they feel empty so they go for a shopping spree or get a younger wife. You get addicted to selfishness.
Is it a lost cause with some people?
Sometimes people say, "I can't sleep." I say, "We have a clinic next door -- go help, and I bet after two weeks, you will be able to sleep." They come back with a more humane perspective and find satisfaction and fulfillment.
So to snap out of it, help other people?
I've seen many successful people who feel empty. They start helping underprivileged kids and find such meaning in life. Everything is different.
People assume altruism may make them unhappy.
Your primary motive is to help others, but it's also the best way to be happy yourself. Ayn Rand said somewhere, that you should be selfish and should not sacrifice any part of yourself. She didn't get the point. Altruism is the best way to make yourself happy. If you look at living beings and see how your actions can contribute to a more compassionate society, you flourish yourself.
All in all, this piece made quite a lot of sense. If we have become depressed from telling our mind all the sad or bad stuff we tell it.....maybe by UNtelling our mind the sad or bad thoughts and replacing the 'monkey talk' with good thoughts, kind thoughts or just silence......it can have a positive effect on our psyche. And that ain't all bad....now is it boys and girls.?
I especially loved the answer about the mother who is loving but firm with her children. I know many moms out there feel they are too strict or overly firm at times....but this reinforced what Gommy has always felt about raising children. Children want.....no NEED discipline and their acting out is a begging to be guided. So, don't feel ashamed or guilty when you are firm with your children...but also don't discipline when you are tired or angry either.
So try practicing being happy boys and girls. It sounds like something that is worth at least trying.....don't you think? Goms is pulling for ya'.....Hugs & Mush, Gommy
The person in the article, is a Buddhist monk named Matthieu Ricard and he says that you can practice your way to happiness. He actually had an MRI scan that showed that he experienced extreme levels of positive emotions and few negative ones. He was a trained cell biologist in France before he moved to the Himalayas in 1972 to study Buddhism.
AOL Health spoke with Ricard about the cultivation of happiness, the benefits of altruism and how 30 silent minutes a day can change your life. These are his answers to questions he was asked about happiness: (and Goms knows you must be saying, "Yeah, it’s pretty easy to be happy when you live in the mountains and just meditate all the time.” But there is something to be taken away from this study and the thought behind it. )
These are his answers to questions he was asked about happiness:
What is happiness?
Happiness is a way of being rather than an endless search for experiences. Pleasure is fine but it depends on things that are subject to change: people, places, & things. Something tastes good; fire warms you when you're cold. But then this experience turns neutral or averse: Even the most beautiful music is unpleasant after 24 straight hours. But happiness is a more durable state. It's a cluster of basic human qualities that nurture a state of fulfillment, flourishing, of appreciating your life. It's inner freedom, inner strength, and inner peace. These are the resources to deal with the struggles of life. The more you experience happiness, the deeper and more stable it becomes.
You link meditation with happiness. Why?
Meditation is not an exotic eastern practice but is actually mind training. We all have a mind and can work with it.
So the basis of happiness is mind training?
In the sense that mind training means harnessing the potential we have for less vulnerability to provocation from the outside. Meditation helps you cultivate a better emotional balance and inner freedom so you are not a slave of impulses like anger and craving.
There are different types of meditation, and I tried to gather all these exercises into a small manual for a Western audience ["Why Meditation?"]. But in clinical trials that study the effects of meditation in the West, 30 minutes a day has been the foundation. We always see that after three months, meditation has had a significant effect in reducing stress and the tendency toward depression. It reinforces the immune system and positive emotions. It's been studied for 10 years in the West. Sitting for that precious 30 minutes modifies the quality of the other 23 hours and 30 minutes.
So happiness is a skill?
Pleasure cannot be cultivated -- only renewed. But you can cultivate inner peace, strength, freedom -- the qualities that create genuine happiness. We start with different baselines: For instance, everyone will not become a champion of tennis, but within a few months or a few years of training, even a beginner can become a decent player and enjoy it.
Do negative emotions, like anger, have a purpose?
If you witness someone beating a child or an injustice, anger can motivate you to do something. But all the studies have shown that people who systematically vent their anger just reinforce their tendency to be angry. You don't just want to suppress it or you'll be like a time bomb. Instead, you look at your anger and let it vanish. When you cease to fuel a fire, it slowly dies out.
You're not talking about being a pushover.
A mother who gets angry and aggressive, is taken over by nerves. A mother can be loving but still be firm, straight and a bit severe. You can extend that attitude of the mother to others.
What about sadness?
Sadness is not incompatible with happiness because happiness is not just a pleasant sensation. Sadness can help you feel compassion. Even when you are sad, you can continue to do wonderful things.
What is the relationship between happiness and ambition?
Ambition for wealth, fame or power puts our hopes and fears outside ourselves. It's individualistic, self-centered and egocentric. But ambition in terms of becoming a better person, preserving the environment or finding inner peace can motivate you.
The search for material goods seems to become a cycle for people -- the emptier they feel, the more money and stuff they seek to fill the void.
Yes, they feel empty so they go for a shopping spree or get a younger wife. You get addicted to selfishness.
Is it a lost cause with some people?
Sometimes people say, "I can't sleep." I say, "We have a clinic next door -- go help, and I bet after two weeks, you will be able to sleep." They come back with a more humane perspective and find satisfaction and fulfillment.
So to snap out of it, help other people?
I've seen many successful people who feel empty. They start helping underprivileged kids and find such meaning in life. Everything is different.
People assume altruism may make them unhappy.
Your primary motive is to help others, but it's also the best way to be happy yourself. Ayn Rand said somewhere, that you should be selfish and should not sacrifice any part of yourself. She didn't get the point. Altruism is the best way to make yourself happy. If you look at living beings and see how your actions can contribute to a more compassionate society, you flourish yourself.
All in all, this piece made quite a lot of sense. If we have become depressed from telling our mind all the sad or bad stuff we tell it.....maybe by UNtelling our mind the sad or bad thoughts and replacing the 'monkey talk' with good thoughts, kind thoughts or just silence......it can have a positive effect on our psyche. And that ain't all bad....now is it boys and girls.?
I especially loved the answer about the mother who is loving but firm with her children. I know many moms out there feel they are too strict or overly firm at times....but this reinforced what Gommy has always felt about raising children. Children want.....no NEED discipline and their acting out is a begging to be guided. So, don't feel ashamed or guilty when you are firm with your children...but also don't discipline when you are tired or angry either.
So try practicing being happy boys and girls. It sounds like something that is worth at least trying.....don't you think? Goms is pulling for ya'.....Hugs & Mush, Gommy
Friday, October 8, 2010
Prioritize...NOW!!!!
Hello boys and girls. This pre-Fall weather is sure nice. Loving every day of this beautiful cooler weather! Now, for todays' thoughts.....Gommy started up the old computer early this morning and there was one of those gotcha' posts on AOL about computer jargon. The one that grabbed my attention was the definition of 'Defragmenting'. 'They' said that it is advisable to defragment your computer every so often to keep it running smoothly.
Low and behold...after reading the definition....it made sense that maybe we all need to defrag once in a while! The definition was: to analyze local volumes and relocate files and folders and consolidate on your 'hard drive' to make it more efficient.
Yowza...it occured to Gommy that my 'hard drive' could use some efficiency tweaking too. I translated the wordage to: redefine my priorities on my files and folders (my daily thought processes) to make sure the important stuff was 'filed' in the correct compartment (areas of my brain/and or life). The definition went on to say that with all the 'downloading' of information (same as all the information and situations that daily comes into our lives), some of the files get scattered and stored in the wrong locations. DUH....been there!
There are many times that we put the cart before the horse (I know...that's an old saying....but you have to remember....Goms has been around a looooong time!) and we make mountains out of molehills (I know...I knooooow, another oldie). And at those times it would be prudent to take the time to take out the files and folders (memories, daily annoyances, things or people that get you in a bad mood or your undies in a wad), that aren't doing anything good and that don't make you joyful any longer. They aren't of any benefit to you.....so just delete them from your 'save as' files.
This computer stuff can easily be translated to an easier way to live life. We store up so much useless junk in our minds and psyches that we become overloaded and bogged down. And after a while, just like our computers.....we can crash!!! So, Gommys' advice this morning is to take out the stuff, people, circumstances or anything else that is bogging you down and just erase it from your 'memory'. Or, at least know that it is there in a hidden 'temporary file' that you don't need any longer.
Now, try to only download the stuff that makes you happy. Put some 'malware' on your computer (brain/awareness) and when the icky stuff tries to get in.....at least the anti-virus software (your new awareness) you have now 'installed' will come up and say..."there is some junk that wants to get in....are you sure you want to download it?". Try it kids.....you can do it....Gommy is pulling for you! Hugs & Mush, Gommy
Low and behold...after reading the definition....it made sense that maybe we all need to defrag once in a while! The definition was: to analyze local volumes and relocate files and folders and consolidate on your 'hard drive' to make it more efficient.
Yowza...it occured to Gommy that my 'hard drive' could use some efficiency tweaking too. I translated the wordage to: redefine my priorities on my files and folders (my daily thought processes) to make sure the important stuff was 'filed' in the correct compartment (areas of my brain/and or life). The definition went on to say that with all the 'downloading' of information (same as all the information and situations that daily comes into our lives), some of the files get scattered and stored in the wrong locations. DUH....been there!
There are many times that we put the cart before the horse (I know...that's an old saying....but you have to remember....Goms has been around a looooong time!) and we make mountains out of molehills (I know...I knooooow, another oldie). And at those times it would be prudent to take the time to take out the files and folders (memories, daily annoyances, things or people that get you in a bad mood or your undies in a wad), that aren't doing anything good and that don't make you joyful any longer. They aren't of any benefit to you.....so just delete them from your 'save as' files.
This computer stuff can easily be translated to an easier way to live life. We store up so much useless junk in our minds and psyches that we become overloaded and bogged down. And after a while, just like our computers.....we can crash!!! So, Gommys' advice this morning is to take out the stuff, people, circumstances or anything else that is bogging you down and just erase it from your 'memory'. Or, at least know that it is there in a hidden 'temporary file' that you don't need any longer.
Now, try to only download the stuff that makes you happy. Put some 'malware' on your computer (brain/awareness) and when the icky stuff tries to get in.....at least the anti-virus software (your new awareness) you have now 'installed' will come up and say..."there is some junk that wants to get in....are you sure you want to download it?". Try it kids.....you can do it....Gommy is pulling for you! Hugs & Mush, Gommy
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Remember???
Another glorious Sunday and another day to be grateful for all the blessings we receive. Gommy was watching an interview the other day with J.K. Rowlings and she said something so profund (to me at least)....that I have been thinking about it ever since. She said that she had come from actual poverty to her stature now of the only billionaire woman author in history. She said it was quite an adjustment to make. I know....everyone is saying, "I'd like to try that adjustment." But as she went on, she said that even though she can purchase anything she wants in the world, stay at the most extravagant places for holiday, eat the most expensive cuisine imaginable.....she still reflects on the time she had absolutely nothing...in the material world.
She went on to say that remembering how it felt to be poor, made her appreciative of what she has now. She still thinks the choices she is able (and actually expected) to make at times are a bit too grandiose and feels a little guilty for those pleasures. She is a remarkable woman and very wise in that she does not regret anything in her past and realizes that we are a combination of all we have experienced.
There is a story about how we often forget how things used to be and how we can change when our circumstances change. It is a very eye-opening (pardon the pun) story and one that needs to be read. If you will indulge me, I will post it now, along with an after-thought from the author as well:
The Story of a Blind Girl
There was a blind girl who hated herself just because she was blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her. She said that if she could only see the world, she would marry her boyfriend. One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her and then she could see everything, including her boyfriend. Her boyfriend asked her, “Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?” The girl was shocked when she saw that her boyfriend was blind too, and refused to marry him. Her boyfriend walked away in tears, and later wrote a letter to her saying. “Just take care of my eyes dear.”
This is how the human brain can change, when the status quo changes for us. Only few remember what life was before, and who’s always been there, even in the most painful situations.
Life is A Gift
"Today before you think of saying an unkind word – Think of someone who can’t speak.
Before you complain about the taste of your food – Think of someone who has nothing to eat.
Before you complain about your husband or wife – Think of someone who’s crying out for a companion.
Today, before you complain about life – Think of someone who went too early, before being able to enjoy their life.
Before you complain about your children – Think of someone who desires children but they are barren.
Before you argue about your dirty house… someone didn’t clean up or sweep – Think of the people who are living in the streets.
Before whining about the distance you drive – Think of someone who walks the same distance on foot.
And when you are tired and complain about your job – Think of the unemployed, the disabled and those who wished they had a job.
But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another – Remember that not one of us are without sin and we all answer to one maker alone.
And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down – Put a smile on your face and be grateful you’re alive and still around! Life is a gift – Live it… Enjoy it…Celebrate it…And Fulfill it. "
Pretty amazing short story and author's response afterward, isn't it? But that is precisely how some people are. When they gain a huge windfall...they become pompous and feel they are better than others. It has been documented over and over how people who win the lottery end up being broke in a very short time. They feel they have won the lottery....so their luck is going to stay 'good' from then on. NOT!
There is another saying that you had better be nice to those on the way up because you may be seeing them again on the way down. The reality is that we are the same people whether we have money or have not, are homely or beautiful, are successful or having hard times.....etc. We are all in this together and if we cannot be kind to everyone...the flip side of behaving that way may and probably will, come back in our face at another time.
She went on to say that remembering how it felt to be poor, made her appreciative of what she has now. She still thinks the choices she is able (and actually expected) to make at times are a bit too grandiose and feels a little guilty for those pleasures. She is a remarkable woman and very wise in that she does not regret anything in her past and realizes that we are a combination of all we have experienced.
There is a story about how we often forget how things used to be and how we can change when our circumstances change. It is a very eye-opening (pardon the pun) story and one that needs to be read. If you will indulge me, I will post it now, along with an after-thought from the author as well:
The Story of a Blind Girl
There was a blind girl who hated herself just because she was blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her. She said that if she could only see the world, she would marry her boyfriend. One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her and then she could see everything, including her boyfriend. Her boyfriend asked her, “Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?” The girl was shocked when she saw that her boyfriend was blind too, and refused to marry him. Her boyfriend walked away in tears, and later wrote a letter to her saying. “Just take care of my eyes dear.”
This is how the human brain can change, when the status quo changes for us. Only few remember what life was before, and who’s always been there, even in the most painful situations.
Life is A Gift
"Today before you think of saying an unkind word – Think of someone who can’t speak.
Before you complain about the taste of your food – Think of someone who has nothing to eat.
Before you complain about your husband or wife – Think of someone who’s crying out for a companion.
Today, before you complain about life – Think of someone who went too early, before being able to enjoy their life.
Before you complain about your children – Think of someone who desires children but they are barren.
Before you argue about your dirty house… someone didn’t clean up or sweep – Think of the people who are living in the streets.
Before whining about the distance you drive – Think of someone who walks the same distance on foot.
And when you are tired and complain about your job – Think of the unemployed, the disabled and those who wished they had a job.
But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another – Remember that not one of us are without sin and we all answer to one maker alone.
And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down – Put a smile on your face and be grateful you’re alive and still around! Life is a gift – Live it… Enjoy it…Celebrate it…And Fulfill it. "
Pretty amazing short story and author's response afterward, isn't it? But that is precisely how some people are. When they gain a huge windfall...they become pompous and feel they are better than others. It has been documented over and over how people who win the lottery end up being broke in a very short time. They feel they have won the lottery....so their luck is going to stay 'good' from then on. NOT!
There is another saying that you had better be nice to those on the way up because you may be seeing them again on the way down. The reality is that we are the same people whether we have money or have not, are homely or beautiful, are successful or having hard times.....etc. We are all in this together and if we cannot be kind to everyone...the flip side of behaving that way may and probably will, come back in our face at another time.
So, Gommy's moral for today is to remember those that have been with you through thick and thin and be grateful for having them in your life. That includes God. We don't give God the thanks He deserves often enough either! We could also be more helpful or friendly to someone else too. Be the friend to others that you wish you had in your life. Be the kind word to a stranger because you never know what is going on in their life and they may just need someone to be nice to them on that particular day. If you are having a bad day yourself, think how you would want someone to relate to you. You can do it boys and girls. Gommy is pulling for ya'......Hugs & Mush, Goms
Monday, September 27, 2010
Stop Fighting Yourself!
Gommy has been reading up on and trying Yoga lately. Yoga is about the only exercise, other than swimming or walking, that Gommy can still manage to do. I almost added an lol here but decided it wasn't so funny after all.....now that does seem funny to Goms......so.....lol. The side effects of Yoga are peace and tranquility. Now who couldn't use a huge dose of that these days?
In reading up on Yoga, Gommy came across a very interesting concept. You can't go very far in the study of Yoga before you come upon the teachings of the Buddha. Even if you don't feel comfortable discussing or thinking about Eastern Philosophies....when you Americanize it.....it starts to explain quite a bit about what is going on with most people and their suffering. Gommy isn't saying we should idolize Buddha.....not at all.....but he was a very wise man and had much to offer in the way of insights into how our minds work. Studying Buddhas' teachings is not about learning beliefs from far away lands. It is looking at how the teachings may apply to our own lives. The Buddha said that there are 5 reasons for suffering. 1-Not knowing reality 2- Clinging to the unreal 3- Aversion to unpleasant things 4- Identifying with our imaginary self and 5- the fear of death.
Let's start with knowing what is real. We think that our reality is absolute. We do not fully know our true selves. This is also called ignorance. It is the inability to see things as they really are. This doesn't mean that we are necessarily being stubborn.... because it can be that we may have a limited ability of understanding something. For instance, we cannot see radio waves and before they were 'discovered'...we could not imagine anything coming through the atmosphere and delivering something as beautiful as a song or an orchestral piece through thin air.
The next reason for suffering is clinging to the unreal. We have an identity that we have clothed ourselves with. Externally, it can be the idea that we are poor.....or we are ugly....or on the internal side....we are a bad person.....or we are stingy or greedy. We become trapped in those identities and that causes suffering. If we feel we are poor....we cling to money and are afraid it will be taken from us. Jealousy also comes into play with this reason in that when we strive to become 'better' or 'richer' than others.....it causes suffering when we fail to do so.
The next 'affliction' for our suffering is our aversion or shunning of things that are unpleasant to us. If we find that we cannot escape things that are unpleasant to us, it causes suffering. In the same way that even thinking of unpleasant things or experiences can make us uneasy. We shrink away from anything that threatens our egos. Even when our children do something that embarrasses us, is a form of turning it inward as an assault on how we raised them and is a threat to our parenting ego-self. 'Their' behavior threatens who 'we' are and the need to protect ourselves from what we fear is part of 'us'. If we cannot attain a pleasurable goal or experience, we suffer. Even when we do attain a pleasurable goal, it wanes after a bit and we begin to search for another goal to make us happy again. And the 'prideful' cycle continues.
The fourth reason for suffering is when we identify with our imaginary self. We have heard so much about self-esteem in the last few generations. It has been recorded that even a student with a low IQ can perform much better than the student with a high IQ if they have received enough positive encouragement from their teachers. That self image is enough to turn a poor student into a great student. The problems come into focus when we believe bad things about our self image. When we end up believing the 'I can't' or the 'it's no use' tape we keep playing over and over in our heads.
The last reason for suffering is the fear of death. We are so afraid of dying that we worship youth. The cosmetic industry is a several billion dollar a year industry. Why? Because we need to look and stay young as a way of denying death. The real reason we fear death is that our ego desperately needs to stay alive.....even if it means running the informercial 'it' has made to make us believe whatever needs to be believed.
The hidden reality is that once we stop 'knowing what is real', as in the first reason for our suffering.....we just fall like a stack of dominoes. And after that, all of the other reasons for suffering fall in line automatically.
The biggest gift we can give ourselves is to be aware of that 'monkey talk' that our ego is constantly feeding us. Be aware that we are not...... how much money we have, or how pretty we are, or how smart we are. The real 'I Am' person must not be afraid and must accept that those ideas of who or what we are cannot harm us. And the opinions of other people cannot harm us either. Only then, can you give yourself permission to BE YOURSELF....without the illusion (the erroneous mental representation) of who you are. Your whole life can and will change when you accept yourself. And that's some pretty good peace and tranquility if you ask Gommy!
So, think about this a bit and see if you are unnecessarily causing yourself to suffer. And if you are.....STOP THAT.....Gommy says! There is a saying somewhere that says. "Worry is like interest paid in advance on a debt that never comes due." So, again.....stop that. It isn't doing you any good and the more you give yourself a break......the sooner you will stop fighting YOURSELF!!! You can do it.....Gommy is pulling for you. Hugs & Mush, Gommy
In reading up on Yoga, Gommy came across a very interesting concept. You can't go very far in the study of Yoga before you come upon the teachings of the Buddha. Even if you don't feel comfortable discussing or thinking about Eastern Philosophies....when you Americanize it.....it starts to explain quite a bit about what is going on with most people and their suffering. Gommy isn't saying we should idolize Buddha.....not at all.....but he was a very wise man and had much to offer in the way of insights into how our minds work. Studying Buddhas' teachings is not about learning beliefs from far away lands. It is looking at how the teachings may apply to our own lives. The Buddha said that there are 5 reasons for suffering. 1-Not knowing reality 2- Clinging to the unreal 3- Aversion to unpleasant things 4- Identifying with our imaginary self and 5- the fear of death.
Let's start with knowing what is real. We think that our reality is absolute. We do not fully know our true selves. This is also called ignorance. It is the inability to see things as they really are. This doesn't mean that we are necessarily being stubborn.... because it can be that we may have a limited ability of understanding something. For instance, we cannot see radio waves and before they were 'discovered'...we could not imagine anything coming through the atmosphere and delivering something as beautiful as a song or an orchestral piece through thin air.
The next reason for suffering is clinging to the unreal. We have an identity that we have clothed ourselves with. Externally, it can be the idea that we are poor.....or we are ugly....or on the internal side....we are a bad person.....or we are stingy or greedy. We become trapped in those identities and that causes suffering. If we feel we are poor....we cling to money and are afraid it will be taken from us. Jealousy also comes into play with this reason in that when we strive to become 'better' or 'richer' than others.....it causes suffering when we fail to do so.
The next 'affliction' for our suffering is our aversion or shunning of things that are unpleasant to us. If we find that we cannot escape things that are unpleasant to us, it causes suffering. In the same way that even thinking of unpleasant things or experiences can make us uneasy. We shrink away from anything that threatens our egos. Even when our children do something that embarrasses us, is a form of turning it inward as an assault on how we raised them and is a threat to our parenting ego-self. 'Their' behavior threatens who 'we' are and the need to protect ourselves from what we fear is part of 'us'. If we cannot attain a pleasurable goal or experience, we suffer. Even when we do attain a pleasurable goal, it wanes after a bit and we begin to search for another goal to make us happy again. And the 'prideful' cycle continues.
The fourth reason for suffering is when we identify with our imaginary self. We have heard so much about self-esteem in the last few generations. It has been recorded that even a student with a low IQ can perform much better than the student with a high IQ if they have received enough positive encouragement from their teachers. That self image is enough to turn a poor student into a great student. The problems come into focus when we believe bad things about our self image. When we end up believing the 'I can't' or the 'it's no use' tape we keep playing over and over in our heads.
The last reason for suffering is the fear of death. We are so afraid of dying that we worship youth. The cosmetic industry is a several billion dollar a year industry. Why? Because we need to look and stay young as a way of denying death. The real reason we fear death is that our ego desperately needs to stay alive.....even if it means running the informercial 'it' has made to make us believe whatever needs to be believed.
The hidden reality is that once we stop 'knowing what is real', as in the first reason for our suffering.....we just fall like a stack of dominoes. And after that, all of the other reasons for suffering fall in line automatically.
The biggest gift we can give ourselves is to be aware of that 'monkey talk' that our ego is constantly feeding us. Be aware that we are not...... how much money we have, or how pretty we are, or how smart we are. The real 'I Am' person must not be afraid and must accept that those ideas of who or what we are cannot harm us. And the opinions of other people cannot harm us either. Only then, can you give yourself permission to BE YOURSELF....without the illusion (the erroneous mental representation) of who you are. Your whole life can and will change when you accept yourself. And that's some pretty good peace and tranquility if you ask Gommy!
So, think about this a bit and see if you are unnecessarily causing yourself to suffer. And if you are.....STOP THAT.....Gommy says! There is a saying somewhere that says. "Worry is like interest paid in advance on a debt that never comes due." So, again.....stop that. It isn't doing you any good and the more you give yourself a break......the sooner you will stop fighting YOURSELF!!! You can do it.....Gommy is pulling for you. Hugs & Mush, Gommy
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
What is Enough?
Gommy has had a glorious time these past few weeks. There have been birthday celebrations for loved ones that have enabled most of our family and extended family to get together. Then there have also been some family members that are having health issues right now as well. It really puts into perspective what is important in life when you are having such a grand time on one side of the equation and you see sickness in those you love on the other side of the equation.
I ran across a parable about how we can get somewhat caught up in the idea that more is better in our day to day attempt to be the best, have the best and attain the best. The problem with that notion is that while we are getting from the 'less' to the 'more', something or someone may be put on the back shelf while we are so busy accumulating. What we find is that we lose precious time with the ones we are trying to 'amass' all this stuff for. The paradox is that we don't know how long we will have 'them' with us. It would seem the wiser to enjoy a little less 'stuff' and enjoy what is really important for a personal success.
Here is the parable. It really brings home what Goms has been thinking about lately.
I ran across a parable about how we can get somewhat caught up in the idea that more is better in our day to day attempt to be the best, have the best and attain the best. The problem with that notion is that while we are getting from the 'less' to the 'more', something or someone may be put on the back shelf while we are so busy accumulating. What we find is that we lose precious time with the ones we are trying to 'amass' all this stuff for. The paradox is that we don't know how long we will have 'them' with us. It would seem the wiser to enjoy a little less 'stuff' and enjoy what is really important for a personal success.
Here is the parable. It really brings home what Goms has been thinking about lately.
Who’s Smarter?
A management consultant, on holiday in an African fishing village, watched a little fishing boat dock at the quayside. Noting the quality of the fish, the consultant asked the fisherman how long it had taken to catch them.
"Not very long." answered the fisherman.
"Then, why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?" asked the consultant.
The fisherman explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family.
The consultant asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"
"I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, have afternoon rests under a coconut tree. In the evenings, I go into the community hall to see my friends, have a few beers, play the drums, and sing a few songs..... I have a full and happy life.", replied the fisherman.
The consultant ventured, "I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you...... You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat. With the extra money the larger boat will bring in, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have a large fleet. Instead of selling your fish to a middleman, you can negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to a city here or maybe even in the United Kingdom, from where you can direct your huge enterprise."
"How long would that take?" asked the fisherman.
"Oh, ten, maybe twenty years." replied the consultant.
"And after that?" asked the fisherman.
"After that? That's when it gets really interesting," answered the consultant, laughing, "When your business gets really big, you can start selling shares in your company and make millions!"
"Millions? Really? And after that?" pressed the fisherman.
"After that you'll be able to retire, move out to a small village by the sea, sleep in late every day, spend time with your family, go fishing, take afternoon naps under a coconut tree, and spend relaxing evenings having drinks with friends..." by Jean Kent
Maybe acquiring a bunch of stuff fluffs us up and makes us feel better about ourselves. Maybe it is that we are conscientious worker bees or ants trying to build up our retirement and secure our future. (Gommy wants to let you in on a little secret from personal experience here; even the most strident saver can lose everything through some financial catastrophe or crisis). But the truth is that nothing can replace being with the people who really matter to us. And if we end up with the same 'stuff' but had to give up the more important 'stuff'......was it worth it in the end?
It all boils down to what you want out of life. And everyone is taught to strive for success. But the bigger question is......what does success mean to you. Or an even scarier question....what can it COST you in the trade-off? Gommy went through all those accumulating years too and the older one gets, the more you realize all the 'stuff' isn't what was important. The times spent with loved ones and not having to stress over keeping an eye on all the other 'stuff' is much easier on the nerves.
Gommy wishes everyone is having a great life and that the important 'stuff' is in the front of the line.....where it belongs and where it will bring the most success....in the form of lasting happiness! Maybe it's time to make a new list of what is actually important to you. You can do it.....Gommy is pulling for you. Hugs & Mush, Gommy
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Hello God
Gommy watched a very interesting program on TV about the existence of God last night. These very, very brilliant scientists....(even smarter than the proverbial 'Rocket Scientist' we reference when we want to illustrate that we are talking about really smart people), were discussing that mathematics and science (I know...again) dispute the need or existence of God.
Gommy has never been very good in Math. My mother was a whiz when it came to numbers and I can remember her always saying, "Numbers don't lie." I believe that because when someone is really, really smart....they usually are pretty good with numbers and that is how they end up 'proving' their theories. But not everything is so black and white and sterile when it comes to the touchy-feely stuff in life.
I get the part where everything can be referenced to a mathematical equation in the world....but the part I don't get it how you quantify some very essential parts of we humans that are not measurable. HUH? Well, let Goms try to explain from a sub-intelligent beings' perspective.
Space and matter are measurable, right? Everything in the world that is material in some fashion can be measured and put in a mathematical equation. But what about music? How can something as beautiful as a piece from Vivaldi be played on a violin that is just wood be broken into a math problem? How can a painting by Monet be just paint slapped on a canvas and transferred into some math equation that fills a blackboard? What is the equation to depict the love a parent has for their child? Creativity, intuition, emotion, devotion or how about our consciousness...huh? huh? Where is that in terms of Science?
And all of these beautiful experiences are the punchline for God. That punchline is.....Free Will. If we didn't have free will, we would all love vanilla ice-cream, we would all appreciate only Picasso for art, we would all want to live in the mountains and hunt and fish for our food.....you see? We all have differences that can't be measured....can't be quantified. We don't all want the same man or woman type to cuddle up next to or to fall in love with. We don't all want to drive a pick-up truck. You see, God allows us to pick and choose and to enjoy whatever brings us joy. Those things can't be explained. Why? Because it's just the way God gave it to us. We are supposed to have joy and bliss in our lives and God supplied all that for us......no questions asked. There are no strings attached to God's love either. That, my friend, is called 'grace'. The grace of God. You don't even have to love Him back. He stills allows you to enjoy all He provides. That is pure and unconditional love. And it's not just 'Priceless'....it is immeasurable!
Then there is the spiritual side that scientists seem to dismiss all the time. The scientists say you can't prove that we have a spiritual component. They don't have an equation to describe the spirit. They say that the brain conjures up pictures and thoughts. But they say that without explaining that there are no material pictures in the head....only electrochemical signals that fire up when we 'draw forth' an image to ourselves. If you can put a math equation to that, I may listen more intently. But to just dismiss it because you can't explain it......doesn't cut it guys! You say you don't believe in God because the believers of the world can't prove it.....so turn about is fair play. Nana, Nana, Boo-Boo!
Anyone who has ever been in a tight spot, knows that they always end up calling for their mother and God for help.....and not necessarily in that order. Gommy, for one, knows there is a God even if I can't explain how I know because I 'feel' God's presence each time I pray. Think about it the next time you are about to pray to God. It is that moment between the time you close your eyes and just before you say "God....". You know Gommy is right... don't ya'? You have 'felt' and 'sensed' that God was right there with you....maybe He was 'within' you.....even if you can't tell me how you know it.
So.....here's to God. May He continue to bless us with his grace. And it wouldn't hurt to thank Him a little more often you know. Thank you God.....from Gommy and all my family and friends. AMEN...(Oh...and Hugs & Mush too!)
Gommy has never been very good in Math. My mother was a whiz when it came to numbers and I can remember her always saying, "Numbers don't lie." I believe that because when someone is really, really smart....they usually are pretty good with numbers and that is how they end up 'proving' their theories. But not everything is so black and white and sterile when it comes to the touchy-feely stuff in life.
I get the part where everything can be referenced to a mathematical equation in the world....but the part I don't get it how you quantify some very essential parts of we humans that are not measurable. HUH? Well, let Goms try to explain from a sub-intelligent beings' perspective.
Space and matter are measurable, right? Everything in the world that is material in some fashion can be measured and put in a mathematical equation. But what about music? How can something as beautiful as a piece from Vivaldi be played on a violin that is just wood be broken into a math problem? How can a painting by Monet be just paint slapped on a canvas and transferred into some math equation that fills a blackboard? What is the equation to depict the love a parent has for their child? Creativity, intuition, emotion, devotion or how about our consciousness...huh? huh? Where is that in terms of Science?
And all of these beautiful experiences are the punchline for God. That punchline is.....Free Will. If we didn't have free will, we would all love vanilla ice-cream, we would all appreciate only Picasso for art, we would all want to live in the mountains and hunt and fish for our food.....you see? We all have differences that can't be measured....can't be quantified. We don't all want the same man or woman type to cuddle up next to or to fall in love with. We don't all want to drive a pick-up truck. You see, God allows us to pick and choose and to enjoy whatever brings us joy. Those things can't be explained. Why? Because it's just the way God gave it to us. We are supposed to have joy and bliss in our lives and God supplied all that for us......no questions asked. There are no strings attached to God's love either. That, my friend, is called 'grace'. The grace of God. You don't even have to love Him back. He stills allows you to enjoy all He provides. That is pure and unconditional love. And it's not just 'Priceless'....it is immeasurable!
Then there is the spiritual side that scientists seem to dismiss all the time. The scientists say you can't prove that we have a spiritual component. They don't have an equation to describe the spirit. They say that the brain conjures up pictures and thoughts. But they say that without explaining that there are no material pictures in the head....only electrochemical signals that fire up when we 'draw forth' an image to ourselves. If you can put a math equation to that, I may listen more intently. But to just dismiss it because you can't explain it......doesn't cut it guys! You say you don't believe in God because the believers of the world can't prove it.....so turn about is fair play. Nana, Nana, Boo-Boo!
Anyone who has ever been in a tight spot, knows that they always end up calling for their mother and God for help.....and not necessarily in that order. Gommy, for one, knows there is a God even if I can't explain how I know because I 'feel' God's presence each time I pray. Think about it the next time you are about to pray to God. It is that moment between the time you close your eyes and just before you say "God....". You know Gommy is right... don't ya'? You have 'felt' and 'sensed' that God was right there with you....maybe He was 'within' you.....even if you can't tell me how you know it.
So.....here's to God. May He continue to bless us with his grace. And it wouldn't hurt to thank Him a little more often you know. Thank you God.....from Gommy and all my family and friends. AMEN...(Oh...and Hugs & Mush too!)
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