Today is Gommy's step-sons twenty-sixth birthday. Happy Birthday Michael. That is what we call him now that he is a grown up man. When he was little, we called him Mikey. I first met 'Mikey' when he was two years old. He was wearing a little blue suit with a cute little bow-tie and shorts instead of long pants. He was the cutest little guy. Time flies, as they say, and he now has a little girl of his own.
The dynamic of a blended family is very complex. In Gommys' case, my children were 8, 11, and 12 and my husbands' son, Mikey, was 2. Ours was a complicated start. I was a young widow and my husband Mike was recently divorced. I think it is somehow easier on the children, if that is possible, when the parents are divorced. I say that because when a parent dies, there is more of a loyalty factor involved. I used to say that if I had even married a Rock Star, he wouldn't have been welcomed into the family any easier.
I have come to realize (you know the ole' 20/20 hindsight) that I could have handled everything much better than I did. To my defense, this was over 24 years ago and I wasn't privy to all the 'self help' books available now. There weren't as many blended families back then and there are many more resources to help families navigate those waters since the divorce rate has since sky-rocketed. When my son Terry was about 8, I can remember one of his teachers telling me she had called him up to her desk one day. This was before we lost his father in a car accident. Anyway, the teacher wanted to write me a note to send home with Terry and she asked if he had the same name as his mother. What she meant was his last name. Terry wasn't aware of divorce or loss at that time and he answered, "No, her name is Shirlee". Gommy still laughs when I think of that story.
The biggest mistake Gommy made was trying not to take sides because of the 'guilt factor'. I felt if I took the kids side, I was being disloyal to my new husband. And on the reverse side, if I were to take my husbands' side, I was being disloyal to the children. By not just letting the two 'sides' go at it themselves, I was actually prolonging the agony. Each member of the family has to work out their relationship with each other. You can't make anyone get along or like the other person. They have to do that themselves and it takes years of trusting each other and by just getting used to the whole new family. If anyone out there thinks it is all one big happy family from the very beginning......think again.
In our family's case, we all ended up loving one another but it did take several years. I have since read that the usual time for a blended family to settle in with each other is seven years. SEVEN YEARS!!!! Most people give up way before the time it takes to make it through the rough times. But anything worth having is worth working on and working out. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger......Boy, are we ever strong......I can remember saying that if I had been the one that had come into a family that had lost their parent, I would have been a 'chicken' and told my husband, "I'll see you when the kids are grown and out of the house!" I have to give my husband a lot of credit for sticking with me through all the 'stuff' he had to go through. Thank you Mike.
Anyway, all is well now and little 'Mikey' is twenty-six today. Gommy and Grandpa Mike are so blessed to have five 'blended' grandchildren and we are thankful every day for the health and happiness we all enjoy. Thank you God.
Friday, June 19, 2009
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Character
Gommy wants to talk about character today. There are quite a few 'characters' out there in the world, but very few of them HAVE good character. Gommy is talking about the 'good ole' sort of character. The kind our parents were lucky enough to have known and shown. The kind where your word is your bond - you would never steal anything (even paperclips from work) - lying wasn't automatic - you would never be late for work - calling in sick was only if you were 'really' sick........do you get the gist of where this is going?
Yesterday was a happy/sad day for Gommy. My son Terry would have been 39 yesterday. I say happy/sad because I was sad to think of my son not being with us any longer but I was happy about so many memories I have of Terry. Terry was only 22 when he died, but he was certainly a man of character. I was pleasantly surprised this year to receive (through my daughter Tracey) an email to her from a soldier Terry was in the Army Rangers with. Talk about character???? You better have some character to be an Army Ranger. The lives of your fellow soldiers depend on your having some pretty awesome 'character'. The email was to let my daughter Tracey know that although she didn't know this soldier, he was in the service with Terry. He was a lawyer now in one of the Carolina's and that he just wanted her to know that her brother was a totally honorable, trusted, heroic man and that this soldier tried every day to be as good a man as Terry was. Now, do you think Gommy felt proud?????? You betcha.
Now another time Gommy was made to feel really proud was just a few weeks ago. My daughter Tiffany also died in the same car accident with my son Terry. One day I was looking at my Facebook site and noticed a picture on someone else's site with Tiffany in it. I 'tagged' the photo with Tiff's name. The lady wrote me back that she was a friend of Tiffs' and loved Tiff so much when they went to school together and she still has pictures of Tiff in her house. She has even told her little girl all about what a special person Tiffany was. Wow...these nice words really make a mom feel great.
My daughter Tracey makes me proud every day. She is a wonderful daughter, wife and now mother to the smartest, cutest and most special two children in the world...oops, I have to watch myself when I go off like that. But Tracey (and her husband Johnny) are really making a pointed effort to raise good children who are going to be future fellow citizens out in this crazy world. I feel very proud because they 'get it'. They don't just get up every day and go though the 'grind'. They think about how everything they do is going to affect the children. They are already seriously planning the childrens' education and the children are only two and a half and five months old. They 'get it' that good people don't just happen, they are 'reared' and that it takes thought and planning. It is so important to raise children thoughtfully or you will end up with them being grown 'people without character' and we already have plenty of those thank you.
Well, enough of Gommy bragging. But remember this.....it is easy to look like you have good character when everything is going great. It is a bit harder to keep that good character when everything seems to be falling down all around you. But that is the true measure of a good person. When you can keep your word about something you promised, (even if something else more fun comes along) or you are still kind to people even when your own world seems to be crumbling (remember it isn't their fault so don't take it out on anyone else), or you can be happy for someone else's good fortune even if you feel you aren't having any good luck yourself, etc. That is how you can keep track of how you are doing in the 'good character' department. So, Gommy says to try to start today by practicing to be a 'good character'. It takes a concerted effort but after a time you will find that it is really worth it. You will feel so much better about yourself. Go on, try it...............Gommy is pulling for you!
Yesterday was a happy/sad day for Gommy. My son Terry would have been 39 yesterday. I say happy/sad because I was sad to think of my son not being with us any longer but I was happy about so many memories I have of Terry. Terry was only 22 when he died, but he was certainly a man of character. I was pleasantly surprised this year to receive (through my daughter Tracey) an email to her from a soldier Terry was in the Army Rangers with. Talk about character???? You better have some character to be an Army Ranger. The lives of your fellow soldiers depend on your having some pretty awesome 'character'. The email was to let my daughter Tracey know that although she didn't know this soldier, he was in the service with Terry. He was a lawyer now in one of the Carolina's and that he just wanted her to know that her brother was a totally honorable, trusted, heroic man and that this soldier tried every day to be as good a man as Terry was. Now, do you think Gommy felt proud?????? You betcha.
Now another time Gommy was made to feel really proud was just a few weeks ago. My daughter Tiffany also died in the same car accident with my son Terry. One day I was looking at my Facebook site and noticed a picture on someone else's site with Tiffany in it. I 'tagged' the photo with Tiff's name. The lady wrote me back that she was a friend of Tiffs' and loved Tiff so much when they went to school together and she still has pictures of Tiff in her house. She has even told her little girl all about what a special person Tiffany was. Wow...these nice words really make a mom feel great.
My daughter Tracey makes me proud every day. She is a wonderful daughter, wife and now mother to the smartest, cutest and most special two children in the world...oops, I have to watch myself when I go off like that. But Tracey (and her husband Johnny) are really making a pointed effort to raise good children who are going to be future fellow citizens out in this crazy world. I feel very proud because they 'get it'. They don't just get up every day and go though the 'grind'. They think about how everything they do is going to affect the children. They are already seriously planning the childrens' education and the children are only two and a half and five months old. They 'get it' that good people don't just happen, they are 'reared' and that it takes thought and planning. It is so important to raise children thoughtfully or you will end up with them being grown 'people without character' and we already have plenty of those thank you.
Well, enough of Gommy bragging. But remember this.....it is easy to look like you have good character when everything is going great. It is a bit harder to keep that good character when everything seems to be falling down all around you. But that is the true measure of a good person. When you can keep your word about something you promised, (even if something else more fun comes along) or you are still kind to people even when your own world seems to be crumbling (remember it isn't their fault so don't take it out on anyone else), or you can be happy for someone else's good fortune even if you feel you aren't having any good luck yourself, etc. That is how you can keep track of how you are doing in the 'good character' department. So, Gommy says to try to start today by practicing to be a 'good character'. It takes a concerted effort but after a time you will find that it is really worth it. You will feel so much better about yourself. Go on, try it...............Gommy is pulling for you!
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Relationships
Hello to all! Guess what Gommy is going to talk about today? Can't guess? Okay, it is about relationships. Now, there are all sorts of relationships, i.e., mother and child, siblings, boss and employee, friend to friend, etc. But Gommy is talking about the relationship between a man and a woman for this piece today. Sometimes the relationship is between a girl and a boy when it is 'young love'. Ahhhhhhhhhh, remember that feeling when you first become attracted to that special someone? Those butterflies in your stomach when you think of them, that seeing your special one through a misty, rose-colored glow? When you are away from them, you envision them in slo-motion, running towards you with the anticipation of pure bliss. Everything they say and do is just wonderful. They are the funniest person in the whole, wide world. They are the smartest person in the whole, wide world. You can't get enough of them, you want to talk to them all the time and be with them all the time. When you aren't with them, you are constantly thinking about them and can't wait until you are together again.
WAIT! Where did those feelings disappear to? What the heck happened to all those butterflies -
those ten-thousand volts of emotions we were feeling all the time? Does your partner wonder where all those wonderful feelings went as well? Gommy thinks it is something called 'Familiarity'. My mother used to say "Familiarity breeds contempt". What I think that means is the more you are with someone; be it a friend, sibling, a spouse or significant other, the more probable it is that they begin to irk you. The very same things that we found so adorable at first, now becomes grating......You know, like that loud 'blinking'.
They say there is a 'lid for every pot'. And when you look around, it does seem that is true. Think about your own circle of friends. I will venture to say there are very few of your friends significant others that you can imagine yourself with as their "lid". You probably aren't on anyones' short list either, so don't get too smug.
Relationships are similar to anything worth having and nurturing in our lives. They take work. Lots of work. If you just let it be, it will die like a house plant that you forgot to water. Gommy thinks one of the major things that happen with a relationship is that when two people decide to spend the rest of their lives together they are each under a HUGE misconception. That being in the case of the woman, she thinks she will be able to change anything that she finds annoying about her man once they get married. In the case of the man, he thinks his lovely, wonderful woman is never going to change how she takes care of him and laughs at his every remark. WRONG....... the man is never going to change......NEVER! And the woman is going to change daily, weekly and sometimes hourly. Sorry girls, but we know that is true. So how do we expect to be the same twinkle-toed, dewey-eyed lovers we once were? WORK, WORK, WORK on it every day. Make the person you are with the most important thing in your life. Your children are your priority when they are little, but they will leave you some day to have their own life and they won't want you around as much any longer. Your mate is just that....your mate. That means you and your partner are a team that are meant to be together for as long as you live. You get what you give, so if you give less than you should, that is what you are going to get in return. Don't ever put them down in front of anyone else. You wouldn't like it if they use you to be the brunt of a joke, so don't do it to them. Don't complain about your partner to anyone elese either because your 'friend', who you have taken into your 'confidence' is usually telling their spouse and they will just 'have' to let your partner in on it somehow.
So, everyone just start to think of how you would like to be treated and start treating your spouse that way. You may not notice anything at first, but it will pay off in the very foreseeable furture. And after awhile, it will be the way you act normally and you may just get back some of those ten-thousand volts......well, maybe a hundred or so....
Good Luck to all you lovebirds out there.....
WAIT! Where did those feelings disappear to? What the heck happened to all those butterflies -
those ten-thousand volts of emotions we were feeling all the time? Does your partner wonder where all those wonderful feelings went as well? Gommy thinks it is something called 'Familiarity'. My mother used to say "Familiarity breeds contempt". What I think that means is the more you are with someone; be it a friend, sibling, a spouse or significant other, the more probable it is that they begin to irk you. The very same things that we found so adorable at first, now becomes grating......You know, like that loud 'blinking'.
They say there is a 'lid for every pot'. And when you look around, it does seem that is true. Think about your own circle of friends. I will venture to say there are very few of your friends significant others that you can imagine yourself with as their "lid". You probably aren't on anyones' short list either, so don't get too smug.
Relationships are similar to anything worth having and nurturing in our lives. They take work. Lots of work. If you just let it be, it will die like a house plant that you forgot to water. Gommy thinks one of the major things that happen with a relationship is that when two people decide to spend the rest of their lives together they are each under a HUGE misconception. That being in the case of the woman, she thinks she will be able to change anything that she finds annoying about her man once they get married. In the case of the man, he thinks his lovely, wonderful woman is never going to change how she takes care of him and laughs at his every remark. WRONG....... the man is never going to change......NEVER! And the woman is going to change daily, weekly and sometimes hourly. Sorry girls, but we know that is true. So how do we expect to be the same twinkle-toed, dewey-eyed lovers we once were? WORK, WORK, WORK on it every day. Make the person you are with the most important thing in your life. Your children are your priority when they are little, but they will leave you some day to have their own life and they won't want you around as much any longer. Your mate is just that....your mate. That means you and your partner are a team that are meant to be together for as long as you live. You get what you give, so if you give less than you should, that is what you are going to get in return. Don't ever put them down in front of anyone else. You wouldn't like it if they use you to be the brunt of a joke, so don't do it to them. Don't complain about your partner to anyone elese either because your 'friend', who you have taken into your 'confidence' is usually telling their spouse and they will just 'have' to let your partner in on it somehow.
So, everyone just start to think of how you would like to be treated and start treating your spouse that way. You may not notice anything at first, but it will pay off in the very foreseeable furture. And after awhile, it will be the way you act normally and you may just get back some of those ten-thousand volts......well, maybe a hundred or so....
Good Luck to all you lovebirds out there.....
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Forgiveness and Forgiving
Well, it's Sunday again and Gommy's spiritual side is awake and up and at it.....Today, I want to talk about forgiving and forgiveness. It may sound like a pretty cut and dried subject but it can be a very tricky and sticky subject.
When someone forgives us, it is an easy gesture to accept and we can feel like a 'ton of bricks' has been lifted off of our backs ( or our conscience in some cases). Depending on the reason for being forgiven, it can actually change a persons' life. We can accept the persons' forgiveness gracefully or we can be smug about it by feeling we didn't really have all that much to be forgiven for.
Now the forgiving of someone or something can be a lot tougher to be so gracious about. We humans tend to hold onto our grudges like little bundles of hate, for lifetimes in some instances. I have been guilty in the past of holding onto my feelings of hurt over a misunderstanding or something someone did for way too long. After a time, although most won't admit it, we actually forget what we were so mad about but we still hold the grudge. What must we be thinking? It takes so much energy to keep harboring such animosity.
Gommy has come to the conclusion that when someone hurts us, we feel we must protect ourselves or our self-image (ego) of ourselves, so we just cut off all connections with the person who 'did us wrong'. If it is a family member, we may do this by sabotaging them 'emotionally'. They may not even know it, but WE sure do.....But holding a grudge is really much harder on the 'holder' than the 'holdee'. The person you are upset with usually just goes along their merry way and never gives you or the instance another thought. While the 'holder' of the grudge stays angry, upset, hurt and nurtures their grudge and protects it and holds onto it for dear life. Why? Who is being hurt by the whole instance?????
But Gommy also has thought about this for some time and realizes that the reason people get to the point that they are holding the grudge in the first place must be that they feel their self-worth was attacked. For instance: If someone doesn't ask you to a certain family function, or says something nasty about you, or didn't reply to an invitation you gave them, or you feel they didn't keep in touch with you like you thought they should have over the years, it makes you feel you have to defend yourself and your sense of yourself. You feel 'attacked' and you must 'defend' your sense of being 'right'. But is it more important to be 'right' or to be happy? Many people are insecure and it doesn't take very much to peel off the protective 'scab' we put on our 'social faces'. It really boils down to our not being able to feel good about ourselves when we allow someone else's' opinion or point of view or whatever it was that upset us to have an impact on our life. Gommy says, everyone gets one life to be the boss over. You don't get to be the 'boss of me' and I don't get to be the 'boss of you'. What I mean by that is that everyone should just keeps their noses (politics, religion, child-rearing practices, etc.) to themselves and let people make their own mistakes and make their own minds up about their politics and religion or how they raise their family. Believe me, everyone will get along much better if you try it.
I finally learned over the years it is best to let go of the grudge and forgive. And much to my surprise, I found in the end, the person I was doing the biggest favor in the whole she-bang was ME!!!!! The instant I forgave the other person, POOF....I felt as light as air. Now you don't even have to tell the other person you forgive them. Many times they don't even live close to you anymore or they may even be dead and gone! It really isn't about the other person anyway, it is about letting go of our own useless emtional baggage. Just the act of letting it go is so freeing that it makes you realize how futile the whole thing was in the first place. I have actually re-connected with a few people I had been missing over the years by just telling them I was sorry about the whole thing and let's just start off on 'square one' again....It is nice to have friends, even ones you thought were lost.
So let's start to try to mind our own bees-wax and live and let live. There is usually enough going on in all of our lives to manage without trying to manage someone else's life!!! Or put another way, let's just "forgive and forget" whatever was bugging us......Happy Sunday ((*.*))
When someone forgives us, it is an easy gesture to accept and we can feel like a 'ton of bricks' has been lifted off of our backs ( or our conscience in some cases). Depending on the reason for being forgiven, it can actually change a persons' life. We can accept the persons' forgiveness gracefully or we can be smug about it by feeling we didn't really have all that much to be forgiven for.
Now the forgiving of someone or something can be a lot tougher to be so gracious about. We humans tend to hold onto our grudges like little bundles of hate, for lifetimes in some instances. I have been guilty in the past of holding onto my feelings of hurt over a misunderstanding or something someone did for way too long. After a time, although most won't admit it, we actually forget what we were so mad about but we still hold the grudge. What must we be thinking? It takes so much energy to keep harboring such animosity.
Gommy has come to the conclusion that when someone hurts us, we feel we must protect ourselves or our self-image (ego) of ourselves, so we just cut off all connections with the person who 'did us wrong'. If it is a family member, we may do this by sabotaging them 'emotionally'. They may not even know it, but WE sure do.....But holding a grudge is really much harder on the 'holder' than the 'holdee'. The person you are upset with usually just goes along their merry way and never gives you or the instance another thought. While the 'holder' of the grudge stays angry, upset, hurt and nurtures their grudge and protects it and holds onto it for dear life. Why? Who is being hurt by the whole instance?????
But Gommy also has thought about this for some time and realizes that the reason people get to the point that they are holding the grudge in the first place must be that they feel their self-worth was attacked. For instance: If someone doesn't ask you to a certain family function, or says something nasty about you, or didn't reply to an invitation you gave them, or you feel they didn't keep in touch with you like you thought they should have over the years, it makes you feel you have to defend yourself and your sense of yourself. You feel 'attacked' and you must 'defend' your sense of being 'right'. But is it more important to be 'right' or to be happy? Many people are insecure and it doesn't take very much to peel off the protective 'scab' we put on our 'social faces'. It really boils down to our not being able to feel good about ourselves when we allow someone else's' opinion or point of view or whatever it was that upset us to have an impact on our life. Gommy says, everyone gets one life to be the boss over. You don't get to be the 'boss of me' and I don't get to be the 'boss of you'. What I mean by that is that everyone should just keeps their noses (politics, religion, child-rearing practices, etc.) to themselves and let people make their own mistakes and make their own minds up about their politics and religion or how they raise their family. Believe me, everyone will get along much better if you try it.
I finally learned over the years it is best to let go of the grudge and forgive. And much to my surprise, I found in the end, the person I was doing the biggest favor in the whole she-bang was ME!!!!! The instant I forgave the other person, POOF....I felt as light as air. Now you don't even have to tell the other person you forgive them. Many times they don't even live close to you anymore or they may even be dead and gone! It really isn't about the other person anyway, it is about letting go of our own useless emtional baggage. Just the act of letting it go is so freeing that it makes you realize how futile the whole thing was in the first place. I have actually re-connected with a few people I had been missing over the years by just telling them I was sorry about the whole thing and let's just start off on 'square one' again....It is nice to have friends, even ones you thought were lost.
So let's start to try to mind our own bees-wax and live and let live. There is usually enough going on in all of our lives to manage without trying to manage someone else's life!!! Or put another way, let's just "forgive and forget" whatever was bugging us......Happy Sunday ((*.*))
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Advice
Gommy was thinking about what I would write about today and thought of the subject of 'advice'. Gommy would love to be the next "Dear Gommy" advice columnist like the well-known and respected 'Dear Ann' or 'Dear Abby' of newspaper fame. Gommy got to thinking about the actual word 'advice'. The definition comes from the Latin - vis - which means 'see' or 'seem' or translated to the word 'advice' - 'to seem', as in what would 'seem' to be a better choice. A word that is related to 'advice' is 'ad-vis-able. Used in a sentence it would be; "The doctor doesn't think it is 'advisable' to take this medication." Meaning it doesn't seem to be a good choice.
Advice is a tricky position to tackle. If you offer your advice, as in, "If you want my advice.", and the other person hasn't asked for it, the actual answer from whomever you are talking to is most often - No thanks! And advice that is asked for is rarely ever really wanted. I know, Gommy said 'asked for'. But what usually happens when someone asks for your 'advice' is they really just want you to agree with their point of view. You must be very careful before you give your advice because we are all guilty of giving advice based on our own biased opinion. What we do is project our own feelings or experiences onto the scenario of the persons' predicament who is asking for advice. That rarely works because everyone has their own 'stuff' going on and what would work for one person doesn't necessarily translate to being the right way to handle something for another person.
That is why the newspaper advice columns did so well in answering questions they received from strangers. There was less bias involved precisely because the columnists didn't know the questioner. They may have had some of their own 'stuff' going on in their answers, but not knowing the person asking, they could answer more objectively.
Being human, it is hard to answer a request for advice with complete objectivity. If the person asking is a relative or close friend, the question may be answered to the benefit of the person who is being 'questioned' and not for the benefit of the persons asking for the advice. Example: A person is asked, by a friend, what they should do about a certain male they are interested in. The 'questioned' one may be afraid that their friend wouldn't have as much time with them any longer if they become involved with someone so they advise against getting involved with the male they are asking about. Or, they may just be jealous of the friends' attraction to someone else. That may sound funny, but there are many people out there who are very jealous of other peoples' stuff, looks, family dynamic, careers, children, etc. So be careful who you ask 'advice' from and be even more careful of giving 'advice' so that you are answering in a way that is really right for the other person.
So, if you want Gommy's advice........keep reading my blogs. I'm full of it... (advice I mean)!!
Advice is a tricky position to tackle. If you offer your advice, as in, "If you want my advice.", and the other person hasn't asked for it, the actual answer from whomever you are talking to is most often - No thanks! And advice that is asked for is rarely ever really wanted. I know, Gommy said 'asked for'. But what usually happens when someone asks for your 'advice' is they really just want you to agree with their point of view. You must be very careful before you give your advice because we are all guilty of giving advice based on our own biased opinion. What we do is project our own feelings or experiences onto the scenario of the persons' predicament who is asking for advice. That rarely works because everyone has their own 'stuff' going on and what would work for one person doesn't necessarily translate to being the right way to handle something for another person.
That is why the newspaper advice columns did so well in answering questions they received from strangers. There was less bias involved precisely because the columnists didn't know the questioner. They may have had some of their own 'stuff' going on in their answers, but not knowing the person asking, they could answer more objectively.
Being human, it is hard to answer a request for advice with complete objectivity. If the person asking is a relative or close friend, the question may be answered to the benefit of the person who is being 'questioned' and not for the benefit of the persons asking for the advice. Example: A person is asked, by a friend, what they should do about a certain male they are interested in. The 'questioned' one may be afraid that their friend wouldn't have as much time with them any longer if they become involved with someone so they advise against getting involved with the male they are asking about. Or, they may just be jealous of the friends' attraction to someone else. That may sound funny, but there are many people out there who are very jealous of other peoples' stuff, looks, family dynamic, careers, children, etc. So be careful who you ask 'advice' from and be even more careful of giving 'advice' so that you are answering in a way that is really right for the other person.
So, if you want Gommy's advice........keep reading my blogs. I'm full of it... (advice I mean)!!
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Southern Hospitality
Gommy wants to talk about Southern hospitality today. My husband is from Memphis, Tennessee and we moved there about ten years ago. We lived in a rural community the latter part of the ten years we spent there. When we first moved to the area, we hadn't found a home yet and needed a mail-box to have our mail sent to until we had a permanent address. The first glimpse I had of Southern hospitality was when Gommy went to the Post Office. I went up to the clerk and asked for a mailbox. She was so sweet that it threw me for a minute. Then after filling out the needed paperwork, she gave me my assigned box. The next thing that happened really floored me. She asked me if I would like her to come out of her window area and show me where my mailbox was.......WOW !!!! I looked at her in dismay and asked, "Is this the United States of America Post Office?" I had always heard of the the government workers at the Post Office going 'postal' on you and this was certainly above and beyond anything I had ever experienced in any post office. Another postal story is that Gommy would often need to send something and not know how much postage to put on the package and I would just write a note attached to the package and the next day there would be an envelope with the amount it had cost in my mailbox. What a concept!!! To be trusted by a government employee.
Another area you notice Southern hospitality is at the grocery store. When someone accidentally bumps into you with their cart, they actually apologise to you. Now, in South Florida you are lucky to not get sued for being carted from behind!!!!! Kids are also more polite in the South. I remember my step-son lived with us for part of the year and in Chicago the other part of the year. When he stayed with us in Tennessee, he was expected to say "Sir' and 'Ma'am' and to call his elders by their proper title, i.e. Mr. Tommy or Miss Molly or yes sir and no ma'am. It just makes everything so nice to have and be shown respect and it teaches the children that they SHOULD respect their elders and their fellow neighbor.
People are also much more friendly in the deep South. Many people nod (showing they acknowledge you) if nothing else when you walk by them. Most will speak to you and wish you good morning, afternoon or evening. Southerners will always offer to share a meal with them at their home. They may just have enough for their own family but that will never stop them from offering to share with you. Another Southern saying is "appreciate it". That is said when you do something for them, even if is just take their money for the gas they are about to pump themselves.
Even the ladies at the drive-up window at the bank are friendly. We got so friendly with our tellers that they always asked about our family and if we had any pictures to share with them of the grandchildren. I used to bring cookies or goodies to them at holidays. They were very sad when they learned we were moving back to Florida but they were genuinely happy for us. There are just no two ways about it......it is just friendlier down South. Heck, even our insurance lady would call us to remind us that a payment was coming up soon.....Did you ever??????
I guess it is the gentleness of the people that is most noticeable. I love that there are people in the world who still want to share a story, a meal or just or a smile with you. I will always miss the great friends I met while we lived in Tennessee, but I will miss the good ole' Southern Hospitality the very most.
Another area you notice Southern hospitality is at the grocery store. When someone accidentally bumps into you with their cart, they actually apologise to you. Now, in South Florida you are lucky to not get sued for being carted from behind!!!!! Kids are also more polite in the South. I remember my step-son lived with us for part of the year and in Chicago the other part of the year. When he stayed with us in Tennessee, he was expected to say "Sir' and 'Ma'am' and to call his elders by their proper title, i.e. Mr. Tommy or Miss Molly or yes sir and no ma'am. It just makes everything so nice to have and be shown respect and it teaches the children that they SHOULD respect their elders and their fellow neighbor.
People are also much more friendly in the deep South. Many people nod (showing they acknowledge you) if nothing else when you walk by them. Most will speak to you and wish you good morning, afternoon or evening. Southerners will always offer to share a meal with them at their home. They may just have enough for their own family but that will never stop them from offering to share with you. Another Southern saying is "appreciate it". That is said when you do something for them, even if is just take their money for the gas they are about to pump themselves.
Even the ladies at the drive-up window at the bank are friendly. We got so friendly with our tellers that they always asked about our family and if we had any pictures to share with them of the grandchildren. I used to bring cookies or goodies to them at holidays. They were very sad when they learned we were moving back to Florida but they were genuinely happy for us. There are just no two ways about it......it is just friendlier down South. Heck, even our insurance lady would call us to remind us that a payment was coming up soon.....Did you ever??????
I guess it is the gentleness of the people that is most noticeable. I love that there are people in the world who still want to share a story, a meal or just or a smile with you. I will always miss the great friends I met while we lived in Tennessee, but I will miss the good ole' Southern Hospitality the very most.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Talking and Listening and Consequences
Gommy was thinking today about the art of listening. I have noticed many people don't always listen as well as they talk. My Dad used to say that God gave us two ears and one mouth....DUH...that should be a hint that we should listen more than we talk. Just today, I was relaying a thought to someone and before I had the chance to finish, they were already talking about what they wanted to say. It is like their story was more important than my story. Maybe it is, but politeness mandates that we don't or shouldn't interrupt someone until they are finished talking.
We should start when our children are young and teach them not to interrupt. I notice quite often, that the kids of today aren't schooled in basic manners. No matter how often a mom or dad ignore the kid when they interrupt, they continue to do so. Maybe that is the problem. Everyone is talking over everyone else and it may just be that the parent should stop talking themselves and immediately correct the child on the spot. There doesn't seem to be any boundaries being set for the children of today. An incident happened at my work a while ago that proves to Gommy that children are being brought up today to not expect any consequences for their behavior. Example: a little boy came in to the store where I was working with his mom, dad and sister. The little boy was around 3 and the sister was probably 4. The little boy asked for a chocolate-covered pretzel and the mom asked pointedly, "Are you sure this is what you want?" She apparently has gone down that road way too many times before. The little boy said he was sure. Then the sister got a daisy-shaped lollipop and that is when the stuff started flying. The little boy said he didn't want his half-eaten pretzel any longer and wanted a daisy lollipop like his sister had instead. The Mom tried (in her defense) to explain to her son that he had made his choice and that is when he started wailing.....The dad said, "What's the matter buddy?" and when the little boy said he wanted the lollipop instead, the father said for the mom to get it for him. Now, you can call Gommy old fashioned, but I would have handled it differently. Gommy would have gently explained to 'Little Tommy" that he had made his choice and although I understand that he may not be happy about it right now, the next time he would probably take his time before making a decision. And that taking his time would help him make sure he would be more happy about his decision. No consequences, no sweat! Right? What did the little boy learn from his experience? He learned that it doesn't matter if he makes a wrong decision because he can just get something else anyway. We must learn at an early age that 'money doesn't grow on trees" as my mom used to say.
Now back to listening. Sometimes we anticipate what someone is going to say and jump in and can be completely wrong about what the person was going to say. Gommy has been guilty of that herself in the past and I am glad that someone brought it to my attention. I try to be more careful to make sure the person has finished their train of thought now before I answer. It is just a part of using our manners. Manners and politeness have sadly gone out of 'style'. Maybe they will return someday. Gommy hopes she is still around to see it. I'll sure be 'listening' for it......
We should start when our children are young and teach them not to interrupt. I notice quite often, that the kids of today aren't schooled in basic manners. No matter how often a mom or dad ignore the kid when they interrupt, they continue to do so. Maybe that is the problem. Everyone is talking over everyone else and it may just be that the parent should stop talking themselves and immediately correct the child on the spot. There doesn't seem to be any boundaries being set for the children of today. An incident happened at my work a while ago that proves to Gommy that children are being brought up today to not expect any consequences for their behavior. Example: a little boy came in to the store where I was working with his mom, dad and sister. The little boy was around 3 and the sister was probably 4. The little boy asked for a chocolate-covered pretzel and the mom asked pointedly, "Are you sure this is what you want?" She apparently has gone down that road way too many times before. The little boy said he was sure. Then the sister got a daisy-shaped lollipop and that is when the stuff started flying. The little boy said he didn't want his half-eaten pretzel any longer and wanted a daisy lollipop like his sister had instead. The Mom tried (in her defense) to explain to her son that he had made his choice and that is when he started wailing.....The dad said, "What's the matter buddy?" and when the little boy said he wanted the lollipop instead, the father said for the mom to get it for him. Now, you can call Gommy old fashioned, but I would have handled it differently. Gommy would have gently explained to 'Little Tommy" that he had made his choice and although I understand that he may not be happy about it right now, the next time he would probably take his time before making a decision. And that taking his time would help him make sure he would be more happy about his decision. No consequences, no sweat! Right? What did the little boy learn from his experience? He learned that it doesn't matter if he makes a wrong decision because he can just get something else anyway. We must learn at an early age that 'money doesn't grow on trees" as my mom used to say.
Now back to listening. Sometimes we anticipate what someone is going to say and jump in and can be completely wrong about what the person was going to say. Gommy has been guilty of that herself in the past and I am glad that someone brought it to my attention. I try to be more careful to make sure the person has finished their train of thought now before I answer. It is just a part of using our manners. Manners and politeness have sadly gone out of 'style'. Maybe they will return someday. Gommy hopes she is still around to see it. I'll sure be 'listening' for it......
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