Good Sunday Boys and Girls. The weather down here in South Florida has been absolutely gorgeous lately. This is what they call 'Chamber of Commerce' weather and is what makes the 'Snowbirds' flock to us when their weather gets really yucky, redundant and unbearable!
Today, Gommy wants to talk about how our past has such a grip on our present.....that it becomes a ridiculous way to live. For many, there is much pain in their history. But, until we get a grip.....and realize that our past is gone and cannot hurt us any longer....we continue to let our past affect our wonderful NOW.
What Gommy meant in the title of today's blog, "Mental Illness", does not mean that we are insane. It means that we have dis-ease about our past. We are conditioned by our past. We allow our past to dictate to our NOW.
Goms has been re-reading and re-listening to the self-help guru Eckhart Tolle again recently (and don't get all wacka-doodle here...because 'guru' just means teacher). He has many insights into why we do allow our past to sometimes take over our present.
Gommy has had occasions to observe this behavior, first hand. We all have actually. We just didn't realize where it was coming from when we were observing it. For example: say someone is consumed with jealousy, guilt, hatred...for another sibling. Where did these emotions come from? They came from the conditioned 'pain body' that Mr. Tolles explains so beautifully in his book, "A New Earth".
Pain body just means, what is called in today's terminology,....baggage. The baggage we carry with us from our conditioned past experinces. We may have been a sibling of one brother who we thought was getting too much attention from their mother or father. Not realizing that there are many different relationships that occur, even within a family. A mother or father does not necessarily love one child more than another. But they can have more in common with one child than another and get along with that child better, because the child isn't argumentative and doesn't cause friction to the parent/child relationship.
When the sibling grows up...they bring with them, that baggage of their childhood and actually have feelings of hate for the other sibling (yes, that is a strong word, but describes the venomous emotions of the affected sibling to a tee). They end up with a tortured NOW...because they are still living in their Past.
Or, if you grew up with losing a loved one at an early age.....you may 'measure' every instance, choice, circumstance or situation that comes up in your life, with the yardstick of losing more. So, you make yourself and everyone else around you uncomfortable to enjoy themselves by your constant compulsion to hold onto every last cent you have. And you may not even be aware that everyone else, except you, can see and feel this emotion in you.
Or perhaps you have a terrible relationship with your parents. Eckhart Tolle quotes Ram Dass in saying..."If you think you are enlightened...spend two weeks with your parents." This is because there is no other relationship that has their stamp on you more than the relationship you share with your parents. They are the ones who gave you the groundwork of your beliefs about yourself and life in general. When you grow up and start living your own life...you want nothing more than to live your life the way YOU want and you no longer want your parents' approval (although that would be nice, but is not neceassary). If you can just 'accept' your parents and realize they are who THEY are, you will find peace in being in their company. Realize that they are acting in their past mental emotional conditioning as well and if they are strong willed....it is even harder, because they will not give up the grip of giving you advice on how you should be living your life very easily.
You must practice being with difficult people in small doses. If you can tell yourself that you only have to be in control of your own 'presence' in their company for say an hour....it is easier than visiting them for a week. You don't have to 'agree' with them....you just have to accept that 'this is where they are coming from' and try not to internalize it. But remember this very important thing....the closer you are to this difficult person....the more they 'know' what your 'hot buttons' are and they are very skillful in pushing them....often and at the most inopportune time. Like when you are feeling smug about controlling your reaction to their smugness.....opinions.....intrusions. BAM....your 'right, hot' button was push and you find yourself right back into that feral emotionality from your past conditioning. This is where many family Holiday dramas come to a head.....Too much of a good thing?
But if we can realize that they or WE are reacting from our "past emotional conditioning"...then we can try to accept 'what is' and go from there. Tell yourself that THEY or WE are not acting from who WE actually are....but from our DIS-ease of our mental conditioning of our past....and we may be able to take an intelligent approach to the situation. Realize that we, or they, are reacting from reliving or revisiting our past conditons.
Whew....did that clear anything up for you? Or are you still in denial that YOU could have ANY part in your own suffering? Remember...suffering is brought on by not accepting. There is no use fighting with "WHAT IS" is there? You aren't going to change what already IS. And you may not be able to change the other person.....But you CAN change how you react to them and to the relationship.
So, everyone who is having any emotional conflicts with your mother, brother, sister or whomever.....try practicing 'non-reaction'. Gommy isn't saying it is easy.....that is what conditioning is all about. What we need to do is be RE-conditioned....Hey, if it's good for a car.....it should be good for us as well....lol....
The Holidays are coming up pretty soon, and it sure would be nice if everyone 'played nice' this year. Quit bringing your old baggage with you to the festivities every year. Bring your new, awakened, aware luggage this time. It will be a whole lot nicer gathering. Gommy promises! You can do it....Gommy is pulling for ya'....Hugs & Mush, Gommy
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Friday, November 5, 2010
Let's All Get Happy!
Hi boys and girls. Today is the first day that it has felt like Fall is actually coming this year to South Florida. The air is crisp and the humidity has gone somewhere to hibernate. Hooray! It makes Gommy happy to see and feel the change and know that we are coming upon the Happy Time of year for most people....the Holidays!
Just as Goms was being all happy-butt....an aha moment came into my mind and made me wonder about the concept of 'being happy'. Many people strive for happiness in their life and it seems as though the harder we look for happiness.....the more it eludes. There is a secret to finding happiness.....Wanna' know what it is? Keep reading and Gommy will let you in on it.
First, let's go to where you won't find happiness and it may lead you out of that mine field and point you to the direction of 'finding' your happiness. It is absolutely, positively and promised that you will not find happiness in comparing yourself with anyone else. Not in how they look, or how much they have, or what stature they have achieved in their career. This means that you must not compare yourself in thinking YOU are better, prettier, richer or have a BETTER career than anyone else either! Any time you compare yourself with anything or anyone else....you have lost the connection that allows you to be and feel the way God/Source/Being (or whatever name you feel comfortable using) wants you to feel.
God only wants us to be joyful and blissful. It only puts up roadblocks or stumbling blocks when we choose to grade ourselves against others. We do it to ourselves. We tell ourselves that we aren't pretty enough or nice enough.....or thin enough.....or you get the picture. When all you have to do is to be grateful and appreciate all the things we have been provided to BE happy....and it was all given to us with Grace. We didn't earn it....it was GIVEN freely to us to enjoy.
To put it another way....Think of how you feel when you give your child or your grandchild or your spouse or partner something and they show that they love it. You experience that warm and fuzzy feeling just as much, or maybe more, than they do. That is because you gave them something...they showed appreciation for it....and you get to feel wonderful too. That is exactly how God feels when we are grateful for all we have been given. It just takes us to notice....then to say thank you. That's it.
The tricky part is to remember to watch for all of the occasions that there are to be grateful for. Sometimes, we get so caught up on living our life....that we don't notice all we do have. These things are the Blessings that are given to us every day. We were put here to experience life in a joyful way. The people who aren't experiencing very much joy.....are in that other frame of mind, that compares themselves to others.....who are holding grudges against others....are bitter about their life experiences....feel their life 'isn't fair'.....and on and on.
We can also compare our life situation or to someone else and feel we are more important than someone else. Someone who has a job that we don't feel is as important as ours....someone who has less money than we do....lives in a lesser house than we live....who we feel superior to. That is a big mistake. It is like an orchestra. Is the flute any more important than the cello....or the violin...or the piano? Nooooo. The beautiful music comes from the whole. The music needs all of the instruments to make the symphony enjoyable and moving. We can be the conductor of our lives. Be content with what you have and you will not be searching for something better to bring you happiness.
I have witnessed people with so very little, having the time of their life together. They may be enjoying time at a picnic at the beach. Or having a cookout in the back yard....playing sports together.....whatever it is....they are having a good time doing it. They are laughing and having a glorious experience. They aren't thinking that someone, somewhere.... may be living in a mansion with more than they have. That is the secret. Enjoy and be happy for what you have.
Ernest Hemingway said..."Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know!" Maybe that is because the people who are always 'thinking' about happiness....never seem to know when they have it. It is right here in front of us all the time. A beautiful sunrise or sunset...a bird singing to us from a tree...a baby's smile...a tender hug from someone we love....having someone we love want to spend time with us. Wow....it doesn't get much better than that.
It all boils down to love. Loving who you are....loving what you do....loving who you are with....loving all that is given to us to enjoy and appreciating it. So boys and girls....take a minute to count your blessings. They are everywhere. Instead of complaining about your job...be grateful you have a job. Instead of complaining about your kids...be glad they are healthy and still with you. Instead of complaining about your spouse...be glad you aren't alone in the world.
Be happy people....you can do it....Gommy is pulling for you. Hugs & Mush - Gommy
Just as Goms was being all happy-butt....an aha moment came into my mind and made me wonder about the concept of 'being happy'. Many people strive for happiness in their life and it seems as though the harder we look for happiness.....the more it eludes. There is a secret to finding happiness.....Wanna' know what it is? Keep reading and Gommy will let you in on it.
First, let's go to where you won't find happiness and it may lead you out of that mine field and point you to the direction of 'finding' your happiness. It is absolutely, positively and promised that you will not find happiness in comparing yourself with anyone else. Not in how they look, or how much they have, or what stature they have achieved in their career. This means that you must not compare yourself in thinking YOU are better, prettier, richer or have a BETTER career than anyone else either! Any time you compare yourself with anything or anyone else....you have lost the connection that allows you to be and feel the way God/Source/Being (or whatever name you feel comfortable using) wants you to feel.
God only wants us to be joyful and blissful. It only puts up roadblocks or stumbling blocks when we choose to grade ourselves against others. We do it to ourselves. We tell ourselves that we aren't pretty enough or nice enough.....or thin enough.....or you get the picture. When all you have to do is to be grateful and appreciate all the things we have been provided to BE happy....and it was all given to us with Grace. We didn't earn it....it was GIVEN freely to us to enjoy.
To put it another way....Think of how you feel when you give your child or your grandchild or your spouse or partner something and they show that they love it. You experience that warm and fuzzy feeling just as much, or maybe more, than they do. That is because you gave them something...they showed appreciation for it....and you get to feel wonderful too. That is exactly how God feels when we are grateful for all we have been given. It just takes us to notice....then to say thank you. That's it.
The tricky part is to remember to watch for all of the occasions that there are to be grateful for. Sometimes, we get so caught up on living our life....that we don't notice all we do have. These things are the Blessings that are given to us every day. We were put here to experience life in a joyful way. The people who aren't experiencing very much joy.....are in that other frame of mind, that compares themselves to others.....who are holding grudges against others....are bitter about their life experiences....feel their life 'isn't fair'.....and on and on.
We can also compare our life situation or to someone else and feel we are more important than someone else. Someone who has a job that we don't feel is as important as ours....someone who has less money than we do....lives in a lesser house than we live....who we feel superior to. That is a big mistake. It is like an orchestra. Is the flute any more important than the cello....or the violin...or the piano? Nooooo. The beautiful music comes from the whole. The music needs all of the instruments to make the symphony enjoyable and moving. We can be the conductor of our lives. Be content with what you have and you will not be searching for something better to bring you happiness.
I have witnessed people with so very little, having the time of their life together. They may be enjoying time at a picnic at the beach. Or having a cookout in the back yard....playing sports together.....whatever it is....they are having a good time doing it. They are laughing and having a glorious experience. They aren't thinking that someone, somewhere.... may be living in a mansion with more than they have. That is the secret. Enjoy and be happy for what you have.
Ernest Hemingway said..."Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know!" Maybe that is because the people who are always 'thinking' about happiness....never seem to know when they have it. It is right here in front of us all the time. A beautiful sunrise or sunset...a bird singing to us from a tree...a baby's smile...a tender hug from someone we love....having someone we love want to spend time with us. Wow....it doesn't get much better than that.
It all boils down to love. Loving who you are....loving what you do....loving who you are with....loving all that is given to us to enjoy and appreciating it. So boys and girls....take a minute to count your blessings. They are everywhere. Instead of complaining about your job...be grateful you have a job. Instead of complaining about your kids...be glad they are healthy and still with you. Instead of complaining about your spouse...be glad you aren't alone in the world.
Be happy people....you can do it....Gommy is pulling for you. Hugs & Mush - Gommy
Sunday, October 31, 2010
It Is All Very Simple...Really!
Hello boys and girls. Gommy just got back from visiting with my little grands so mommy and daddy could have a lunch together without wiping anyone's mouth except their own for a change. Not that they mind wiping their little angels mouths. In fact, Gommy has to practically force mommy to take a break away from the little ones sometimes. I don't blame her a bit. They are really adorable and so much fun to be around. But everyone needs a little change of scenery sometimes...even mommies and daddies.
But, after coming home and counting my blessings once more....I began reading the updates on Facebook. I came across a short video of a gathering that was held in Washington DC this weekend. A couple of comedy stars, with the help of some friends, got up this grassroots trip to DC to have a friendly demonstration to show that the politics of the day are way out of whack.
What with the.... all the time...every hour...unending talking heads on the cable TV shows, spouting off and then airing all the other people spouting off about their opinions...mostly vitriolic hatred....and the immediate and viral expediency of this trash talking stuff reaching everyone....I feel that it just ends up igniting those who are full of hate and bigotry anyway.
When did we get so full of hate again? I thought we left that mentality back in the Civil War Days when brother fought against brother, all in the name of disagreement.. "Civil' War? That is certainly an oxymoron if I have ever heard one! If you think about it....it still boils down to hating someone for not agreeing with you.
The ads for the politicians are so full of mud slinging and name calling, that it just turns ones stomach. But apparently not everyone's stomach...because they say that negative ads sell and people believe them! Geesh. Goms is pretty sure not too many people could stand up to the scrutiny (now they call it vetting) that a person has to go through to run for office. Most people have some skeletons in their closet that they would like to stay in the closet!
All of this got Goms to thinking about a man who lived over twenty-five Centuries ago. Let that sink in your mind for a minute....25 Centuries....long before there was any mention of Jesus Christ. So, how did this man named Lao Tzu, have the insight....foresight....awareness...or whatever it was, to write down the wonderful things he wrote?
Many people will just dismiss it when they think of it as Taoism. That is the 'tag' that is used on Lao Tzu's philosophy. But if you can stop thinking that it is different from your own religion....and just let the meaning of the words sink in, you may just learn something from a man who lived a very long time ago and seems to have pretty much figured out how to live in harmony, humility , happiness and peace. And isn't that pretty much what we all strive for anyway? If you just can't stop thinking of it as another religion (which it isn't...) just put the name God or Allah or Christ...or whatever you feel comfortable with, in place of The Tao, when you read the words. Gommy personally feels it is how God/Universe/Being/Source, thinks and would like us to think as well. There is nothing in the writings that would hurt a single person, fly, ant, plant or any other single thing in the world.
Here are a few examples of the very wise words of Lao Tzu, that Gommy would like to share:
1)I realize that all things change…therefore there is nothing for me to hold onto.
2)Do great things while they are still small. A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step..a tree grows from one seedling…a tower starts with one brick.
3)The less I care about the approval of others….the more approval I receive. I work in trusting all others to know their own highest nature…rather than imposing my own rules and regulations on them. Therefore, I am free to be myself, without having to live by anyone elses’ rules.
4)I attract cooperation when I release the need to control anyone’s life…including my own!
5)I am an immortal Spiritual Being…having a temporary human experience.
6)I gain by losing…I lose by gaining.
7)If you must be a radical….choose to be a radical in humility or to be radical in appreciation.
8)I do not need rules to be kind and just.
9)When my cup is full…I will quit pouring.
10)Fame or integrity: which is more important?Money or happiness: which is more valuable?Success or failure: which is more destructive? You choose.
11)If you look to others for fulfillment,you will never truly be fulfilled. If your happiness depends on money,you will never be happy with yourself.
12)Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are.When you realize there is nothing lacking,the whole world belongs to you.
13)The Tao (you can replace Tao with God here) never expects anything, yet through it all, things are done.
14)If powerful men and women could venture themselves in 'IT', the whole world would be transformed by itself, in its natural rhythms.People would be content with their simple, everyday lives, in harmony, and free of desire.
15)When there is no desire, all things are at peace.
16)If you want to shrink something,you must first allow it to expand.If you want to get rid of something,you must first allow it to flourish. If you want to take something,you must first allow it to be given.This is called the subtle perception of the way things are.
17)The soft overcomes the hard.The slow overcomes the fast.
18)Let your workings remain a mystery.
There are several more....but these resonated with me the most. Gommy can't find anything in any of these thoughts that are harmful to anyone or anything. And it may just be more beneficial to the world if we could and would live this way. But.....alas....we are all in charge of our own destiny.....or our life experiences. So, do as you will....but Gommy is going to work on trying to live this way and I bet life will seem happier, more harmonious and peaceful. Anyone who wants to try it is invited to come along with Gommy....you can do it....Gommy is pulling for you. Hugs & Mush, Gommy
But, after coming home and counting my blessings once more....I began reading the updates on Facebook. I came across a short video of a gathering that was held in Washington DC this weekend. A couple of comedy stars, with the help of some friends, got up this grassroots trip to DC to have a friendly demonstration to show that the politics of the day are way out of whack.
What with the.... all the time...every hour...unending talking heads on the cable TV shows, spouting off and then airing all the other people spouting off about their opinions...mostly vitriolic hatred....and the immediate and viral expediency of this trash talking stuff reaching everyone....I feel that it just ends up igniting those who are full of hate and bigotry anyway.
When did we get so full of hate again? I thought we left that mentality back in the Civil War Days when brother fought against brother, all in the name of disagreement.. "Civil' War? That is certainly an oxymoron if I have ever heard one! If you think about it....it still boils down to hating someone for not agreeing with you.
The ads for the politicians are so full of mud slinging and name calling, that it just turns ones stomach. But apparently not everyone's stomach...because they say that negative ads sell and people believe them! Geesh. Goms is pretty sure not too many people could stand up to the scrutiny (now they call it vetting) that a person has to go through to run for office. Most people have some skeletons in their closet that they would like to stay in the closet!
All of this got Goms to thinking about a man who lived over twenty-five Centuries ago. Let that sink in your mind for a minute....25 Centuries....long before there was any mention of Jesus Christ. So, how did this man named Lao Tzu, have the insight....foresight....awareness...or whatever it was, to write down the wonderful things he wrote?
Many people will just dismiss it when they think of it as Taoism. That is the 'tag' that is used on Lao Tzu's philosophy. But if you can stop thinking that it is different from your own religion....and just let the meaning of the words sink in, you may just learn something from a man who lived a very long time ago and seems to have pretty much figured out how to live in harmony, humility , happiness and peace. And isn't that pretty much what we all strive for anyway? If you just can't stop thinking of it as another religion (which it isn't...) just put the name God or Allah or Christ...or whatever you feel comfortable with, in place of The Tao, when you read the words. Gommy personally feels it is how God/Universe/Being/Source, thinks and would like us to think as well. There is nothing in the writings that would hurt a single person, fly, ant, plant or any other single thing in the world.
Here are a few examples of the very wise words of Lao Tzu, that Gommy would like to share:
1)I realize that all things change…therefore there is nothing for me to hold onto.
2)Do great things while they are still small. A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step..a tree grows from one seedling…a tower starts with one brick.
3)The less I care about the approval of others….the more approval I receive. I work in trusting all others to know their own highest nature…rather than imposing my own rules and regulations on them. Therefore, I am free to be myself, without having to live by anyone elses’ rules.
4)I attract cooperation when I release the need to control anyone’s life…including my own!
5)I am an immortal Spiritual Being…having a temporary human experience.
6)I gain by losing…I lose by gaining.
7)If you must be a radical….choose to be a radical in humility or to be radical in appreciation.
8)I do not need rules to be kind and just.
9)When my cup is full…I will quit pouring.
10)Fame or integrity: which is more important?Money or happiness: which is more valuable?Success or failure: which is more destructive? You choose.
11)If you look to others for fulfillment,you will never truly be fulfilled. If your happiness depends on money,you will never be happy with yourself.
12)Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are.When you realize there is nothing lacking,the whole world belongs to you.
13)The Tao (you can replace Tao with God here) never expects anything, yet through it all, things are done.
14)If powerful men and women could venture themselves in 'IT', the whole world would be transformed by itself, in its natural rhythms.People would be content with their simple, everyday lives, in harmony, and free of desire.
15)When there is no desire, all things are at peace.
16)If you want to shrink something,you must first allow it to expand.If you want to get rid of something,you must first allow it to flourish. If you want to take something,you must first allow it to be given.This is called the subtle perception of the way things are.
17)The soft overcomes the hard.The slow overcomes the fast.
18)Let your workings remain a mystery.
There are several more....but these resonated with me the most. Gommy can't find anything in any of these thoughts that are harmful to anyone or anything. And it may just be more beneficial to the world if we could and would live this way. But.....alas....we are all in charge of our own destiny.....or our life experiences. So, do as you will....but Gommy is going to work on trying to live this way and I bet life will seem happier, more harmonious and peaceful. Anyone who wants to try it is invited to come along with Gommy....you can do it....Gommy is pulling for you. Hugs & Mush, Gommy
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Yes Virginia...There is a God!
Hello Boys and Girls. Gommy has been studying about this consciousness 'stuff' and, awareness, God/Universe/Being/Source, etc… and for the life of me….I can’t understand how anyone can think this all just ‘happened’ in some Big Bang coincidence. There is too much perfection in everything from atmospheres, tides, flora-fauna, the planets, stars, galaxies and even in we humans. There are soooo many things that go on in a human body that we usually don’t even think about. Like; where are the words in your brain stored that is able to read this right now? What is making you breath in and out, keeping your heart beating, or having our white cells know which germ to attack and which to leave alone because it is healthy? Where is the color red or blue or green in your brain? Where was it before you had the thought of a particular color and brought it forth? Where are your emotions stored? How does grass grow on the sides of hills and mountains, that were not planted, so there isn’t erosion? Did you know the birds and other animals eat the seeds and then as they eliminate them from their systems….new grass is ‘planted’ elsewhere. Why does that happen? Just coincidence? I think not. It has been carefully orchestrated by a being much, much, much smarter than we could ever imagine with our miniscule understanding. I was reading about how Salmon find their way back home to spawn…..how Homing Pigeons also find their way back home, even if they are let loose hundreds of miles away….and how Bees ‘see’ differently than humans so they can find the different flowers they need for food and to germinate other flowers for procreation of the plant.
It got Gommy to thinking….hmmmmm. All of these creatures use and are actually energy in some form or fashion to navigate their way around. And seeing we are ALL made up of energy,….humans as well as animals, fish, flora (yes, even flowers, trees and plants are energy). We all remember learning about photosynthesis in Science class don’t we? (Photosynthesis - a metabolic pathway that converts light energy into chemical energy)…then we must all be interconnected by all of our energies ‘feeding’ off each other.
If anyone has ever wondered how God created everything to work precisely how it is supposed to work…..this is a little hint. It is how the Divine Laws of the Universe work all the time…whether or not you choose to believe them. God doesn’t have an ego, so don’t worry about hurting His feelings. He couldn’t be bothered by such nit-picky emotions, so he makes sure things keep working as they should whether you agree with His methods or not. Thank God…lol…God had to design everything to work perfectly…no matter what. That is why when bad stuff happens…..you shouldn’t blame God. Bad stuff just does happen. It isn't God trying to ruin your day or your life.
It mostly happens when we aren’t completely in the ‘NOW’. Think about the last time you tripped over something, or you had a fender bender, or you went passed the street you were supposed to turn on. You did those things when you had let your mind wander away from what your attention was supposed to be focused on.
The same thing happens when we are living in the past or looking forward to the future. We are not tending to our NOW. Our NOW is all we really have. So, it would be wise to nurture it….pay attention to it…. and savor it. While we are thinking of other stuff….our present NOW is not getting our very deserved undivided attention. That is when stuff happens that isn’t what we want to happen.
It can happen to a marriage, a job, raising a child….(fill in the blank here). That is why you hear people say….time flies or I can’t believe I am this age or what happened to my romantic marriage or my innocent children. Or I haven’t heard from my old friend (fill in the blank) in a long time. Or where did the time go? Gommy will tell you where it went….It went somewhere fast….when you weren’t paying any attention to it.
The only time that we don’t think of time is when we are so absorbed in something that we love, love, love doing that we don’t even think of a clock or the time. But what happens then, is that whatever it was that you were so engrossed in….turns out to have a wonderful outcome and is very rewarding and enjoyable. That works for raising your children, enjoying friendships, having a happy marriage or loving the work you do for your living.
So, take the time to enjoy the important things in life. It will be so much more enjoyable for you…I promise. You can do it….Gommy is pulling for you.
Oh....and in case you don’t believe Gommy about the birds and the bees and the flowers and the trees….here are some interesting facts (below) about how God made sure all this wonderful stuff we get to enjoy…. actually does work!!! It’s the Universal Laws at work folks….whether you believe it or not. Hugs & Mush, Gommy
How is it that homing pigeons find their way home?
This has been an area of intense research in recent years. It turns out that pigeons and a number of other species including bats have metal deposits in their heads. These metal deposits, hematite, are iron and they're magnetically sensitive. They use the Earth's magnetic field as a kind of compass (and you need energy to create a magnetic field). They know the sun rises in the east and sets in the west and so by using sunrise and sunset they are able to gain timing. They set their compass according to where the sun is at certain times. That gives them their compass directions. By changing their orientation relative to the Earth's magnetic field they are able to navigate. They use this as a broad directional cue. At the same time they also use visual cues because they have the hippocampus part of their brain, which registers where they are in relation to their environment.
How do salmon find the way back to their spawning grounds?
Scientists do not know exactly how a salmon "remembers" the way back to its native stream after an ocean journey possibly lasting several years and covering several thousand miles. They agree, however, that salmon, like homing pigeons, appear to have an innate compass or "search recognition" mechanism that does not rely on the sun, moon, stars, or physical signs. Some scientists theorize that the salmon's internal compass uses the tiny electrical voltages, generated by ocean currents, moving through the earth's magnetic field. Others believe that the salmon's homing mechanism may take its cues from the varying salinities (levels of saltiness) of the water or the specific smells encountered along the journey.
Can Bees See Color?
Yes, which is how bees can navigate (using the sun as a reference) even on a cloudy day, because Ultraviolet light passes through clouds. Just as we see the sun in a blue sky background on a clear day, theBee sees the sun in an ultraviolet sky background on even a cloudy day. The underlying reason that the sky appears ultraviolet to a bee (and blue to us) is that something happens to the sun's rays when they hit charged particles. These charged particles are in the ionosphere and in Nitrogen and Oxygen "dipoles" in the atmosphere. The sun's radiation will cause the charged particle to vibrate, and when the charged particle vibrates it re-radiates energy. If you work out the mathematics (physics) of this re-radiation, it turns out that the energy is re-radiated in proportion to the fourth power of the frequency (as discovered by Raleigh in the 1800's and worked out with a more accurate distribution formula by Einstein early in the 20th century). For humans, who have eyes that have blue, yellow and red sensors, the fourth power formula means that blue from the sky is ten times stronger than red, so the sky looks blue. Similarly, for bees (and other insects), the highest frequency sensors in their eyes detect ultraviolet), and so the sky appears ultraviolet to them.
TOLD YA’ ;-)))
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
I Miss You
Today is 18 years since my son Terry and daughter Tiffany were killed in a car accident. It seems like yesterday that the horrendous news of them dying burned a hole in my heart and in my life. The loss of a child is the most life altering tragedy imaginable. While you were once a mother of three….in the blink of an eye…..you are without two of your three children.
When you have children who have died…..there comes a time when there is a problem with explaining your circumstances to people when they ask, “How many children do you have?” What you want to say is that you have three children…..but in reality you have one living and two that are no longer of this earth. No matter what the circumstances…..I will always be the mother of three…. but do I dare go into a long explanation of my whole life situation? What I have come to learn over time is that the moment you say you have lost children…the other person begins to actually squirm and recoil right in front of you and you feel yourself becoming sorry for THEM. This is because you can see that they don’t have any idea of what to say after you answer what is usually quite a benign question.
But you don’t want to NOT include your other children in the picture. You still love them as much as ever. You still cherish the time you spent with them. You still wonder what they would look like today…..what music they would like…..what TV shows or movies they might like to watch. There isn’t a day that goes by that you don’t think of them in some way or have some memory of the time you did spend with them. This time of the year is always a paradox for me too, in that I used to LOVE the Fall of the year and now when I am enjoying it, the memory of the accident returns…..and it makes me wish we could just delete October 26 from all calendars.
Just the other day I went to the Mall and passed a Wet Seal clothing store. My Tiffany loved that store. Tiff was really into Fashion. So, I just smiled as I walked by and said (actually aloud, but softly enough so no one would think I was batty), “Hey Tiff….bet you’d like to be shopping in there today.” And I surely wish that I was shopping in there with her toooooo……sigh……
And every time I see someone on a motorcycle, I think of my gorgeous son Terry. He loved motorcycles. He even raced them at motorcycle track venues. YIKES…too scary for me to have watched, but he certainly did enjoy riding his 'bike'. His two children are pretty much grown now. Megan is 18 and Terry will be 20 in January. My Terry would be so proud of his kids. I can still see him carrying his Terry around when we was a baby, as if he was the first and only child ever born. His love just oozed out all over him. Now that LLT is grown…it is eerie to see how much he looks like his Dad. They are both hunky hunks…..(spoken like a true Mom and Gommy, right?). LLT is planning on going into the Army and becoming an Airborne Ranger, just like his Dad. Terry never had the opportunity to meet Megan because he died before he could see her. But he would be super proud of her as well. She is a sweetheart, funny like her Dad, a caring human being, a very smart girl and a beauty all wrapped up in one special ‘package’.
So, do I miss my beautiful children? You bet I do. But I have the most wonderful memories of the special times we shared that all I have to do is close my eyes and relive them, any time I want (and I want A LOT….and often!). Do I still grieve? Yes, but not in the cloying way when we first learned of their accident. I will always grieve but I am also very grateful for having had them in my life. Do I wish I could see their beautiful faces again or hear their sweet voice call me Mom again…..ahhhh…..yes, yes, yes!!! But there is a saying that goes, ‘Don’t cry because it ended….smile because it happened.’ Boy, is that ever a truism. I would not trade one single minute of the awesome times we shared. I read a beautiful thought somewhere…it said, “Even the most exquisite silk will remain intact if you pull out a thread…..but the snag will always show.” That is how it is when we lose a member of our family. The family is still somewhat intact….but the absence is always felt. And just as poignant is the wording from an Irish Headstone: “Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.” Amen to that!
But somehow, in the rubble of what was left of the “Me”, the me I always pictured myself as….was the crack in my awareness that led me to the beginning of knowing what life’s purpose is all about. I knew I had to stay around for my beautiful daughter Tracey and for that I am most grateful. Because she has since given me many more blessings to be thankful for in her wonderful and sweet family. And the adult friendship between a mother and a daughter that we share is extraordinary.
Several years later, I found myself facing serious financial woes from the upside down economy…. and the once again, all too familiar uncertainty of the path that my journey was leading me. But I then became aware that in losing all material wealth, and having nothing else to lose in that area of my life….that my journey was once again showing me life lessons to grow from. The realization that I have and have always had…all I need in life... and that everything that has happened to me along the way and everything that will never happen to me…..all make up ‘Me’. I still have the most amazing family and friends, whether I have material things or not. I still had been blessed with three amazing children that showed me how deep love can be. But I had to lose me (or what I thought comprised ‘me’) to find me….ironic isn’t it? I have come to learn that it takes a thunderous jolt in life to begin searching and finding your spirituality. When all is well….there is no need. I think if you speak to most people who search…..you will find that something earth shattering occurred that began their journey.
As I said, I still have so many blessings in my life. I have a great husband to share the rest of my journey with and I find comfort in that sharing. I have the most amazing daughter Tracey. She is my friend as well as my daughter. Tracey has a great husband, John and they have two beautiful children (Samantha and Brandon) who my husband and I get to spend time with and still make beautiful memories with. And my husband’s son Michael has a beautiful daughter Kyra with his fiancée Fio, who we get to see and be with and enjoy. And my Tracey is an awesome Aunt to Megan and Terry. She loves them dearly and would do anything for them. Just as Terry & Tiffany would be such a great Aunt and Uncle to Tracey’s children and to their stepbrother Michael’s daughter Kyra. Boy, time sure does march on. My son Terry’s wife Deana has stayed close to us all of these years and still keeps in touch with us. And my grown-up grands, Megan and Terry come visit when time allows in their very busy life. Life IS good!!!! Thank you God…..
Over the past year, Terry & Megan (and my daughter Tracey and I) have had the awesome opportunity of connecting with some of my Terry’s Army Ranger buddies through Facebook. It is truly amazing to see their pictures of Terry that I have never seen and read the kind words of what a special human being, friend and role model Terry was for them. Thanks guys. It means a lot to our family.
A dear friend of mine sent me an email about the word DASH the other day. The idea was that when we die, the date of our birth and the date of our death are put on a headstone. In between those two dates, is a dash. The dash represents the life of the person. All of the people, events, ups and downs and the loves of the person are in that dash. I am so very grateful that I was in the ‘DASH’ of Terry and Tiffanys’ life.
I often hear people say they tell their stories to help others who may have to face the same thing they have had to face. If my story can help any other parent who has or may still be faced with the overwhelming sadness that comes with the loss of a child, then I am glad if I helped a bit. I hope they can take away from my story that we can survive such unbelievable grief.…that there will come a time when you can think of your loved ones and smile without sobbing…. And you will eventually get to the place where you can soften that grief or perhaps replace some of it with the gratitude of having had them in your life. So, here’s to two very wonderful, special, deeply loved and very missed children…..my babies. And you will always be my babies. I love you Terry and Tiffany and I will…forever and ever. We all miss you bunches and we will never forget you! It’s another year away from you….but maybe it’s just another year closer to seeing you once again. Thank you for being a special part of my journey. Hugs & Mush, Mom
When you have children who have died…..there comes a time when there is a problem with explaining your circumstances to people when they ask, “How many children do you have?” What you want to say is that you have three children…..but in reality you have one living and two that are no longer of this earth. No matter what the circumstances…..I will always be the mother of three…. but do I dare go into a long explanation of my whole life situation? What I have come to learn over time is that the moment you say you have lost children…the other person begins to actually squirm and recoil right in front of you and you feel yourself becoming sorry for THEM. This is because you can see that they don’t have any idea of what to say after you answer what is usually quite a benign question.
But you don’t want to NOT include your other children in the picture. You still love them as much as ever. You still cherish the time you spent with them. You still wonder what they would look like today…..what music they would like…..what TV shows or movies they might like to watch. There isn’t a day that goes by that you don’t think of them in some way or have some memory of the time you did spend with them. This time of the year is always a paradox for me too, in that I used to LOVE the Fall of the year and now when I am enjoying it, the memory of the accident returns…..and it makes me wish we could just delete October 26 from all calendars.
Just the other day I went to the Mall and passed a Wet Seal clothing store. My Tiffany loved that store. Tiff was really into Fashion. So, I just smiled as I walked by and said (actually aloud, but softly enough so no one would think I was batty), “Hey Tiff….bet you’d like to be shopping in there today.” And I surely wish that I was shopping in there with her toooooo……sigh……
And every time I see someone on a motorcycle, I think of my gorgeous son Terry. He loved motorcycles. He even raced them at motorcycle track venues. YIKES…too scary for me to have watched, but he certainly did enjoy riding his 'bike'. His two children are pretty much grown now. Megan is 18 and Terry will be 20 in January. My Terry would be so proud of his kids. I can still see him carrying his Terry around when we was a baby, as if he was the first and only child ever born. His love just oozed out all over him. Now that LLT is grown…it is eerie to see how much he looks like his Dad. They are both hunky hunks…..(spoken like a true Mom and Gommy, right?). LLT is planning on going into the Army and becoming an Airborne Ranger, just like his Dad. Terry never had the opportunity to meet Megan because he died before he could see her. But he would be super proud of her as well. She is a sweetheart, funny like her Dad, a caring human being, a very smart girl and a beauty all wrapped up in one special ‘package’.
So, do I miss my beautiful children? You bet I do. But I have the most wonderful memories of the special times we shared that all I have to do is close my eyes and relive them, any time I want (and I want A LOT….and often!). Do I still grieve? Yes, but not in the cloying way when we first learned of their accident. I will always grieve but I am also very grateful for having had them in my life. Do I wish I could see their beautiful faces again or hear their sweet voice call me Mom again…..ahhhh…..yes, yes, yes!!! But there is a saying that goes, ‘Don’t cry because it ended….smile because it happened.’ Boy, is that ever a truism. I would not trade one single minute of the awesome times we shared. I read a beautiful thought somewhere…it said, “Even the most exquisite silk will remain intact if you pull out a thread…..but the snag will always show.” That is how it is when we lose a member of our family. The family is still somewhat intact….but the absence is always felt. And just as poignant is the wording from an Irish Headstone: “Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.” Amen to that!
But somehow, in the rubble of what was left of the “Me”, the me I always pictured myself as….was the crack in my awareness that led me to the beginning of knowing what life’s purpose is all about. I knew I had to stay around for my beautiful daughter Tracey and for that I am most grateful. Because she has since given me many more blessings to be thankful for in her wonderful and sweet family. And the adult friendship between a mother and a daughter that we share is extraordinary.
Several years later, I found myself facing serious financial woes from the upside down economy…. and the once again, all too familiar uncertainty of the path that my journey was leading me. But I then became aware that in losing all material wealth, and having nothing else to lose in that area of my life….that my journey was once again showing me life lessons to grow from. The realization that I have and have always had…all I need in life... and that everything that has happened to me along the way and everything that will never happen to me…..all make up ‘Me’. I still have the most amazing family and friends, whether I have material things or not. I still had been blessed with three amazing children that showed me how deep love can be. But I had to lose me (or what I thought comprised ‘me’) to find me….ironic isn’t it? I have come to learn that it takes a thunderous jolt in life to begin searching and finding your spirituality. When all is well….there is no need. I think if you speak to most people who search…..you will find that something earth shattering occurred that began their journey.
As I said, I still have so many blessings in my life. I have a great husband to share the rest of my journey with and I find comfort in that sharing. I have the most amazing daughter Tracey. She is my friend as well as my daughter. Tracey has a great husband, John and they have two beautiful children (Samantha and Brandon) who my husband and I get to spend time with and still make beautiful memories with. And my husband’s son Michael has a beautiful daughter Kyra with his fiancée Fio, who we get to see and be with and enjoy. And my Tracey is an awesome Aunt to Megan and Terry. She loves them dearly and would do anything for them. Just as Terry & Tiffany would be such a great Aunt and Uncle to Tracey’s children and to their stepbrother Michael’s daughter Kyra. Boy, time sure does march on. My son Terry’s wife Deana has stayed close to us all of these years and still keeps in touch with us. And my grown-up grands, Megan and Terry come visit when time allows in their very busy life. Life IS good!!!! Thank you God…..
Over the past year, Terry & Megan (and my daughter Tracey and I) have had the awesome opportunity of connecting with some of my Terry’s Army Ranger buddies through Facebook. It is truly amazing to see their pictures of Terry that I have never seen and read the kind words of what a special human being, friend and role model Terry was for them. Thanks guys. It means a lot to our family.
A dear friend of mine sent me an email about the word DASH the other day. The idea was that when we die, the date of our birth and the date of our death are put on a headstone. In between those two dates, is a dash. The dash represents the life of the person. All of the people, events, ups and downs and the loves of the person are in that dash. I am so very grateful that I was in the ‘DASH’ of Terry and Tiffanys’ life.
I often hear people say they tell their stories to help others who may have to face the same thing they have had to face. If my story can help any other parent who has or may still be faced with the overwhelming sadness that comes with the loss of a child, then I am glad if I helped a bit. I hope they can take away from my story that we can survive such unbelievable grief.…that there will come a time when you can think of your loved ones and smile without sobbing…. And you will eventually get to the place where you can soften that grief or perhaps replace some of it with the gratitude of having had them in your life. So, here’s to two very wonderful, special, deeply loved and very missed children…..my babies. And you will always be my babies. I love you Terry and Tiffany and I will…forever and ever. We all miss you bunches and we will never forget you! It’s another year away from you….but maybe it’s just another year closer to seeing you once again. Thank you for being a special part of my journey. Hugs & Mush, Mom
Monday, October 18, 2010
Here's Your Wake-Up Call Again Goms!!!
Hello boys and girls. Hope everyone is well and enjoying the blessings we all share. This weekend was another....."knock-knock....is anybody home?" kind of lesson to put in my journal on life.
The weekend started off with a reunion of a bunch of friends getting together who had worked at the same restaurant that Gommy worked at many moons ago. It was so wonderful to see everyone and many came from very far away. Goms was lucky in that Grandpa and I live close by and didn't have to fly in to celebrate with everyone. The wake-up part for Gommy was that it had been over twenty-five years since some of us had seen each other. It makes you realize how fleeting time really is.....and it also makes you wonder if you had used all those years to the best of your abilities.
The second part of my wake-up weekend was spent visiting Grandpa's mom in a convalescent home. She is not doing well and we were very sad to see her so ill. Nana has always been so full of life and has always had a mind that is as sharp as a tack! The whole family would call her when they couldn't think of a movie-star from a certain movie, or the name of a neighbor from long ago, or the name of the store on this street or that.....This was before you could look up all this stuff on the Internet. She always knew the answer. She and granddaddy always came to all the children's celebrations. Birthdays, baptisms, graduations....you name it. They were always there to celebrate with everyone. Granddaddy has since passed and up until very recently, Nana was still able to get it together and get going! The nagging in the back of my head kept reminding me that it was 'only' twenty-six years ago that Nana was the age Gommy is today! And it seems like just yesterday when I look back.
Grandpa & Gommys' little sixteen month old granddaughter Kyra went along as well with her mommy and daddy. The stark difference in the age of this sweet little child and her sweet great-grandmother was very obvious in the setting of an old aged home. There was this energetic, happy, frolicking youth displayed in little Kyra and then there was the reality that many of these people were at the very end of their lives and just waiting.....waiting to leave their life here on Earth. As we were leaving and going down corridor after corridor of people sitting in wheelchairs....it seemed like I was watching a movie where the people were all lined up and waiting for someone to come to take them to their final destination. You could see how much life little Kyra brought to the 'home'. The older patients just oohed and ahhed over her youthful energy. It is always that way when someone very old sees a baby or toddler. It is the reality that life is just beginning for the little one. And life has already been spent for the older ones.
There was also a younger man there (around 35), who looked as if he either had a disease that crippled him or had been paralyzed from something else. It was very sad to think that he would be living the rest of his life in this environment. He was in a wheelchair and I noticed he was just chatting with a male nurse and it was obvious that the reason was because the male nurse was the closest person around who he could relate to.
Talk about counting your blessings!!! Gommy was counting and recounting them all the way home. And I am still thinking about how blessed I am to this very minute. We take for granted that we will always be able to take care of ourselves. And that we will have the option to just get up and go whenever we feel like it. Well peeps....there are no guarantees in life and Goms would suggest we take a little time to realize how blessed we are to be able to do these things.
The next time you find yourself complaining about anything....think about the poor person who doesn't have your options. Don't like your job? I bet someone out there would like to have your job. To feel good about themselves again. To not have to depend on their parents or friends or other relatives for help. Don't like to have to cook dinner? Think of those people who are homeless and don't have dinner every night. Don't like the shape you find your body in lately? Thank your lucky stars that you don't have to be taking chemotherapy or radiation treatments to cure a cancer somewhere in that body. Gommy doesn't want to be a Debbie-Downer....but we could all use a swift kick in the butt at times to give us a reality check.
Of course, hindsight is always 20/20 - because if we had a crystal ball....we may have done certain things differently. Goms, for one thing, would surely have squeezed out every single ounce from the joyous times spent with those that are no longer with me. And I would have watched my finances more prudently and I would have been kinder at certain times and.... And............wait a minute.......if I hadn't had all the life experiences I have had.....would I still be Gommy? Would I be a better me? A worse me? I'll never know those answers will I? You know why? Because that isn't the way it works.
Let me let you in on a little secret. The very reason we do go through all that we do.....is to learn our life lessons. Those of us who don't use the lessons to get it right.....have to repeat the lessons over and over....until we do get it. Sadly some never seem to get it. You can tell those people by the vacant look in their eyes, by the sadness they show, by the anger they have built up inside, by the blame they place elsewhere, by the crutches they have become dependent on (drugs, alcohol, overeating, abusing those less able to defend themselves, etc.) This is not a finger-pointing session in any way. All of those crutches are very real diseases. And no one can cure the disease except the person who is afflicted. We can point to the direction of help....but until they are ready.....it isn't going to work.
It is the same with finding happiness. I read somewhere that when we continue to look for happiness.....it is like trying to catch a butterfly...it is always just out of reach. And when we do have moments of real happiness...we are likely to tire of it eventually and search for the next 'fix' of whatever will make us happy again. I guess that is why you hear of so many stars who are addicted. Gommy used to wonder how or why they needed to get high when they seemed to have everything. Goms says 'used to' because I have come to learn that happiness isn't something to search for....we already have it. We have everything we need. If we just look around. There is abundance everywhere.
And another little secret that is actually hard to grasp......but is very true.....is that whatever you are withholding from others, is the very thing that you are searching for. Gommy had a hard time with this one herself. It is a slippery thought that if you don't have something....and you give it...it will come to you. I know!!!!! Hard to wrap you mind around. But the Bible also says in Luke 6: 38: Give, and (gifts) will be given to you; good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over, will they pour into the pouch formed by the bosom of your robe and used as a bag. For with the measure you deal out with the measure you use when you confer benefits on others, it will be measured back to you.
You hear on TV all the time about how we are going to run out of this or run out of that.....NOT. Can't you see that there is always enough. At least in most places. Gommy isn't talking about third world countries. I'm talking about right here in America.
But back to the wake-up call. Please take the time to notice how wonderful it is to be able to take a bath by yourself. Be grateful for that bologna sandwich you made for lunch yesterday. When you snuggle into your bed tonight....be thankful that you have a bed to snuggle in. And may every day be a day to start out with the feeling of gratitude in your heart.
Take Gommy's advice boys and girls. Life goes by in the blink of an eye. Try to be a gentler, kinder, more appreciative 'you'. It is really a much more pleasant way to live. Like they always say....'take a little time to smell the roses along the way.' All those sayings are true. Like....'life is short'...or 'don't sweat the small stuff', 'live and let live'...they are all good ways to look at life. Enjoy the many blessings we all share. You can do it.....Gommy is pulling for you. Hugs & Mush, Gommy
The weekend started off with a reunion of a bunch of friends getting together who had worked at the same restaurant that Gommy worked at many moons ago. It was so wonderful to see everyone and many came from very far away. Goms was lucky in that Grandpa and I live close by and didn't have to fly in to celebrate with everyone. The wake-up part for Gommy was that it had been over twenty-five years since some of us had seen each other. It makes you realize how fleeting time really is.....and it also makes you wonder if you had used all those years to the best of your abilities.
The second part of my wake-up weekend was spent visiting Grandpa's mom in a convalescent home. She is not doing well and we were very sad to see her so ill. Nana has always been so full of life and has always had a mind that is as sharp as a tack! The whole family would call her when they couldn't think of a movie-star from a certain movie, or the name of a neighbor from long ago, or the name of the store on this street or that.....This was before you could look up all this stuff on the Internet. She always knew the answer. She and granddaddy always came to all the children's celebrations. Birthdays, baptisms, graduations....you name it. They were always there to celebrate with everyone. Granddaddy has since passed and up until very recently, Nana was still able to get it together and get going! The nagging in the back of my head kept reminding me that it was 'only' twenty-six years ago that Nana was the age Gommy is today! And it seems like just yesterday when I look back.
Grandpa & Gommys' little sixteen month old granddaughter Kyra went along as well with her mommy and daddy. The stark difference in the age of this sweet little child and her sweet great-grandmother was very obvious in the setting of an old aged home. There was this energetic, happy, frolicking youth displayed in little Kyra and then there was the reality that many of these people were at the very end of their lives and just waiting.....waiting to leave their life here on Earth. As we were leaving and going down corridor after corridor of people sitting in wheelchairs....it seemed like I was watching a movie where the people were all lined up and waiting for someone to come to take them to their final destination. You could see how much life little Kyra brought to the 'home'. The older patients just oohed and ahhed over her youthful energy. It is always that way when someone very old sees a baby or toddler. It is the reality that life is just beginning for the little one. And life has already been spent for the older ones.
There was also a younger man there (around 35), who looked as if he either had a disease that crippled him or had been paralyzed from something else. It was very sad to think that he would be living the rest of his life in this environment. He was in a wheelchair and I noticed he was just chatting with a male nurse and it was obvious that the reason was because the male nurse was the closest person around who he could relate to.
Talk about counting your blessings!!! Gommy was counting and recounting them all the way home. And I am still thinking about how blessed I am to this very minute. We take for granted that we will always be able to take care of ourselves. And that we will have the option to just get up and go whenever we feel like it. Well peeps....there are no guarantees in life and Goms would suggest we take a little time to realize how blessed we are to be able to do these things.
The next time you find yourself complaining about anything....think about the poor person who doesn't have your options. Don't like your job? I bet someone out there would like to have your job. To feel good about themselves again. To not have to depend on their parents or friends or other relatives for help. Don't like to have to cook dinner? Think of those people who are homeless and don't have dinner every night. Don't like the shape you find your body in lately? Thank your lucky stars that you don't have to be taking chemotherapy or radiation treatments to cure a cancer somewhere in that body. Gommy doesn't want to be a Debbie-Downer....but we could all use a swift kick in the butt at times to give us a reality check.
Of course, hindsight is always 20/20 - because if we had a crystal ball....we may have done certain things differently. Goms, for one thing, would surely have squeezed out every single ounce from the joyous times spent with those that are no longer with me. And I would have watched my finances more prudently and I would have been kinder at certain times and.... And............wait a minute.......if I hadn't had all the life experiences I have had.....would I still be Gommy? Would I be a better me? A worse me? I'll never know those answers will I? You know why? Because that isn't the way it works.
Let me let you in on a little secret. The very reason we do go through all that we do.....is to learn our life lessons. Those of us who don't use the lessons to get it right.....have to repeat the lessons over and over....until we do get it. Sadly some never seem to get it. You can tell those people by the vacant look in their eyes, by the sadness they show, by the anger they have built up inside, by the blame they place elsewhere, by the crutches they have become dependent on (drugs, alcohol, overeating, abusing those less able to defend themselves, etc.) This is not a finger-pointing session in any way. All of those crutches are very real diseases. And no one can cure the disease except the person who is afflicted. We can point to the direction of help....but until they are ready.....it isn't going to work.
It is the same with finding happiness. I read somewhere that when we continue to look for happiness.....it is like trying to catch a butterfly...it is always just out of reach. And when we do have moments of real happiness...we are likely to tire of it eventually and search for the next 'fix' of whatever will make us happy again. I guess that is why you hear of so many stars who are addicted. Gommy used to wonder how or why they needed to get high when they seemed to have everything. Goms says 'used to' because I have come to learn that happiness isn't something to search for....we already have it. We have everything we need. If we just look around. There is abundance everywhere.
And another little secret that is actually hard to grasp......but is very true.....is that whatever you are withholding from others, is the very thing that you are searching for. Gommy had a hard time with this one herself. It is a slippery thought that if you don't have something....and you give it...it will come to you. I know!!!!! Hard to wrap you mind around. But the Bible also says in Luke 6: 38: Give, and (gifts) will be given to you; good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over, will they pour into the pouch formed by the bosom of your robe and used as a bag. For with the measure you deal out with the measure you use when you confer benefits on others, it will be measured back to you.
You hear on TV all the time about how we are going to run out of this or run out of that.....NOT. Can't you see that there is always enough. At least in most places. Gommy isn't talking about third world countries. I'm talking about right here in America.
But back to the wake-up call. Please take the time to notice how wonderful it is to be able to take a bath by yourself. Be grateful for that bologna sandwich you made for lunch yesterday. When you snuggle into your bed tonight....be thankful that you have a bed to snuggle in. And may every day be a day to start out with the feeling of gratitude in your heart.
Take Gommy's advice boys and girls. Life goes by in the blink of an eye. Try to be a gentler, kinder, more appreciative 'you'. It is really a much more pleasant way to live. Like they always say....'take a little time to smell the roses along the way.' All those sayings are true. Like....'life is short'...or 'don't sweat the small stuff', 'live and let live'...they are all good ways to look at life. Enjoy the many blessings we all share. You can do it.....Gommy is pulling for you. Hugs & Mush, Gommy
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Stuff the Guilt!
Hello boys and girls. Mostly the girls today though. Gommys' blog title can be meant two ways.....Stuff the guilt (meaning keep pushing in down), or STUFF the guilt (meaning to stuff it....and you know where!).
Most girls, women and especially Mommies, know all too well how to stuff down our guilt about a plethora of feelings, deeds, expectations, etc. Those mommies out there know exactly what Gommy is talking about. Well, Goms is giving you all permission.....right here in writing....to STUFF it wherever it will be out of sight and out of your mind once and for all.
You know the 'stuff' Goms is talking about. The old....'should I make a 5 course dinner tonight or just give them the mac and cheese and fish sticks that they love anyway?' Remember that it isn't poison...it is just convenient. Or , 'Should I take them to yet ANOTHER Princess or Cowboy themed party on Saturday, or spend the day at home in our own pool and relax? Should I skip the next play-date with that unbearable brat and her affected mother or have a sitter come by and go have a massage?' Or am I a horrible Mom because I let them watch a TV show so I don't go bonkers, because they are still for one half hour a day while they are watching their Super Hero or their alter-ego being saved by some Prince somewhere?" Gommy could go on here, but I think you get my drift. The only real harm you may be doing is letting them believe there actually is a knight in shining armor waiting to treat them like princesses somewhere! lol
All Moms, throughout the ages, have struggled with trying to be the best Mom they can be. But you know what? You will always be the best Mom to your kids.....no matter how much you do or don't deprive yourself of, or how hard you try to keep all the plates up in the air or let a few fall to the floor. Your kids love you just because you are their Mom. PERIOD.
Another thing to keep in mind is that if you are haggard, ragged and tired....you will not be at your best anyway, so take care of Mommy first, so there will be something left to nurture with. I know.....you are thinking, 'But that is so selfish!" Uh...and what is your point? How can Moms be expected to care for others when she is so tired from the demands put on her that she doesn't even know WHO she is any longer? And another thing....that term..."Working Mother" is quite redundant....don't you think? DUH. A wife and mother is never without something to do and rarely does something nice JUST for herself. So Moms......pay attention. Gommy says to take a little time for yourself along the way. You will enjoy the whole experience much more. I promise.
And don't say that it isn't possible to take some time for yourself. That isn't exactly true is it? What would you do if you got sick? You would have to let other people take over if you came down with the flu wouldn't you? So....take advantage of a grandparent to watch your little ones....or your spouse could give you a night off with the girls or to do something you would like to do just for yourself. Oh, and here's a little hint....when you leave for that occasional date or whatever it is you must leave your Ivory Tower for, and as you are leaving, those sobbing little ones who are clinging and reaching out for you are pouring on the guilt.....don't give it another thought because they stop crying the moment the door shuts. Sorry kiddies.....I love you to bits...but that little secret needs to be out in the open! Gommy has witnessed it many times for herself!
Another thing to remember is to NOT compare yourself or your child to other people. You don't have any idea what is going on in their lives. Their perfect little one may be perfect out and a total diaper dictator at home. Or the other Mommy may seem all put together and have everything under control but is masking a deeper need to 'seem' as if everything is hunky-dory!
And remember when you were beating yourself up about having a hard time breast feeding? And you let those 'other' people (including your husband) make you feel you weren't 'enough' because the pain and cracked, bleeding nipples was a fault of your not being good enough at your mommy-ism-ness....(is that a word...well it should be...lol). If you could only attach the vacuum to their nipples and every so often use your nail file on them until they bleed and attach the vacuum again...maybe they would 'get it'. I know....Ouch....but that is what some mommies go through in trying to be the best Mom in the world.
And here is another little secret for you Moms....most people.....no matter what they tell you....have yelled at their child before. Unless you are a woman with nerves of steel or are on medication, i.e Xanax and/or copious amounts of wine....your kids do get on your last nerve at times. Just as your husband gets on your nerves at times too. And in the spirit of equal fairness....moms get on their husbands and kids nerves as well. But do not beat yourself up for yelling at the kids sometimes. Just take it as a reminder that it is time for another 'Mommy Break'...or call it timeout for Mommy if you will. And for the rest of the story......the kids aren't scarred for life from your losing it some times. You can ask any person over the age of 40 if their parents yelled and/or spanked them and most will tell you absolutely yesssssss. And we are pretty well adjusted individuals for the most part. It is only the last generation that started with the coddling their children so much that the kids are the bosses of the house instead of the parents. Remember...those little angels are masters and mistresses of manipulation. Just watch them in action when they play mom and dad against each other.....Stay firm and strong. A house divided will definitely fall!
And look where all this leniency has led. Children so abusive that they cause their school chums to commit suicide, or they shoot up their classmates while in some bizarre social misfit gang, or they can have no conscience and are able to actually light another student on fire, or secretly tape them doing something personal and putting it online for others to watch for 'entertainment'....or bully others constantly about their sexual persuasion and many other terrible things we hear all too often on the news. How is that working out for those parents who thought they were practicing 'good parenting rules' by not hurting their childs' self-esteem?
Ok.....now you get the idea that it isn't advisable to allow yourself to have the nasty 'Mommy Guilt'. It is easy and normal to fall into the trap of it....but it isn't wise to wallow in it. We all grow up eventually and we mostly all survive how our own parents parented us. It is so easy to blame Mom for everything in our lives that went wrong.... but when we BECOME Moms....we begin to realize it was much easier to be the BEST Mom before we actually became a Mom.
So..pat yourself on the back (cause you probably won't get many from anyone else) and give yourself a break once in a while. Rejoin the human race (the one where the people are over 4 feet tall). You will be a better Mom for it and if you need another pep talk.....just send Gommy a message at the end of this blog. Goms is pulling for you Mommies of the World! Good job....and Gommy is also sending you all a high five and a virtual pat on the back!!!!
There is a happy ending to this story. It is called becoming a Gommy. All the love and happiness.....none of the responsibility...... or the dreaded guilt......(you may now picture this Gommy smiling).....Hugs & Mush, Gommy
Most girls, women and especially Mommies, know all too well how to stuff down our guilt about a plethora of feelings, deeds, expectations, etc. Those mommies out there know exactly what Gommy is talking about. Well, Goms is giving you all permission.....right here in writing....to STUFF it wherever it will be out of sight and out of your mind once and for all.
You know the 'stuff' Goms is talking about. The old....'should I make a 5 course dinner tonight or just give them the mac and cheese and fish sticks that they love anyway?' Remember that it isn't poison...it is just convenient. Or , 'Should I take them to yet ANOTHER Princess or Cowboy themed party on Saturday, or spend the day at home in our own pool and relax? Should I skip the next play-date with that unbearable brat and her affected mother or have a sitter come by and go have a massage?' Or am I a horrible Mom because I let them watch a TV show so I don't go bonkers, because they are still for one half hour a day while they are watching their Super Hero or their alter-ego being saved by some Prince somewhere?" Gommy could go on here, but I think you get my drift. The only real harm you may be doing is letting them believe there actually is a knight in shining armor waiting to treat them like princesses somewhere! lol
All Moms, throughout the ages, have struggled with trying to be the best Mom they can be. But you know what? You will always be the best Mom to your kids.....no matter how much you do or don't deprive yourself of, or how hard you try to keep all the plates up in the air or let a few fall to the floor. Your kids love you just because you are their Mom. PERIOD.
Another thing to keep in mind is that if you are haggard, ragged and tired....you will not be at your best anyway, so take care of Mommy first, so there will be something left to nurture with. I know.....you are thinking, 'But that is so selfish!" Uh...and what is your point? How can Moms be expected to care for others when she is so tired from the demands put on her that she doesn't even know WHO she is any longer? And another thing....that term..."Working Mother" is quite redundant....don't you think? DUH. A wife and mother is never without something to do and rarely does something nice JUST for herself. So Moms......pay attention. Gommy says to take a little time for yourself along the way. You will enjoy the whole experience much more. I promise.
And don't say that it isn't possible to take some time for yourself. That isn't exactly true is it? What would you do if you got sick? You would have to let other people take over if you came down with the flu wouldn't you? So....take advantage of a grandparent to watch your little ones....or your spouse could give you a night off with the girls or to do something you would like to do just for yourself. Oh, and here's a little hint....when you leave for that occasional date or whatever it is you must leave your Ivory Tower for, and as you are leaving, those sobbing little ones who are clinging and reaching out for you are pouring on the guilt.....don't give it another thought because they stop crying the moment the door shuts. Sorry kiddies.....I love you to bits...but that little secret needs to be out in the open! Gommy has witnessed it many times for herself!
Another thing to remember is to NOT compare yourself or your child to other people. You don't have any idea what is going on in their lives. Their perfect little one may be perfect out and a total diaper dictator at home. Or the other Mommy may seem all put together and have everything under control but is masking a deeper need to 'seem' as if everything is hunky-dory!
And remember when you were beating yourself up about having a hard time breast feeding? And you let those 'other' people (including your husband) make you feel you weren't 'enough' because the pain and cracked, bleeding nipples was a fault of your not being good enough at your mommy-ism-ness....(is that a word...well it should be...lol). If you could only attach the vacuum to their nipples and every so often use your nail file on them until they bleed and attach the vacuum again...maybe they would 'get it'. I know....Ouch....but that is what some mommies go through in trying to be the best Mom in the world.
And here is another little secret for you Moms....most people.....no matter what they tell you....have yelled at their child before. Unless you are a woman with nerves of steel or are on medication, i.e Xanax and/or copious amounts of wine....your kids do get on your last nerve at times. Just as your husband gets on your nerves at times too. And in the spirit of equal fairness....moms get on their husbands and kids nerves as well. But do not beat yourself up for yelling at the kids sometimes. Just take it as a reminder that it is time for another 'Mommy Break'...or call it timeout for Mommy if you will. And for the rest of the story......the kids aren't scarred for life from your losing it some times. You can ask any person over the age of 40 if their parents yelled and/or spanked them and most will tell you absolutely yesssssss. And we are pretty well adjusted individuals for the most part. It is only the last generation that started with the coddling their children so much that the kids are the bosses of the house instead of the parents. Remember...those little angels are masters and mistresses of manipulation. Just watch them in action when they play mom and dad against each other.....Stay firm and strong. A house divided will definitely fall!
And look where all this leniency has led. Children so abusive that they cause their school chums to commit suicide, or they shoot up their classmates while in some bizarre social misfit gang, or they can have no conscience and are able to actually light another student on fire, or secretly tape them doing something personal and putting it online for others to watch for 'entertainment'....or bully others constantly about their sexual persuasion and many other terrible things we hear all too often on the news. How is that working out for those parents who thought they were practicing 'good parenting rules' by not hurting their childs' self-esteem?
Ok.....now you get the idea that it isn't advisable to allow yourself to have the nasty 'Mommy Guilt'. It is easy and normal to fall into the trap of it....but it isn't wise to wallow in it. We all grow up eventually and we mostly all survive how our own parents parented us. It is so easy to blame Mom for everything in our lives that went wrong.... but when we BECOME Moms....we begin to realize it was much easier to be the BEST Mom before we actually became a Mom.
So..pat yourself on the back (cause you probably won't get many from anyone else) and give yourself a break once in a while. Rejoin the human race (the one where the people are over 4 feet tall). You will be a better Mom for it and if you need another pep talk.....just send Gommy a message at the end of this blog. Goms is pulling for you Mommies of the World! Good job....and Gommy is also sending you all a high five and a virtual pat on the back!!!!
There is a happy ending to this story. It is called becoming a Gommy. All the love and happiness.....none of the responsibility...... or the dreaded guilt......(you may now picture this Gommy smiling).....Hugs & Mush, Gommy
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